rottingbrunette

[rottingbrunette]

Dear Diary,

Hating someone when all you crave is their presence is undeniably a terrible feeling. Liking someone you were never supposed to like is undeniably a terrible feeling. Feeling like they know how you feel and still despise you is agony — but so is the torment of thinking they’re oblivious. Hearing about his ex and his love for her is absolutely gut-wrenching, especially because she’s a horrible person, and I know I could treat him better. Watching my life grind to a halt because of this obsession, feeling my mind ROT from it — that’s the most disgusting part, maybe the worst of all. I never wanted to feel this. What the hell am I doing? How do I purge these stupid feelings that invaded me without permission? I want my life back!

[rottingbrunette]

me ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

[rottingbrunette]

[rottingbrunette]

They hate when you serve cutesy doll

[rottingbrunette]

Dear Diary,

You know, there's this friend of mine which I personally think is absolutely perfect. No flaws at all, physically or morally. Ever since I got closer to him again I started thinking that he is perfect for ME. And I could take perfect care of him. Like, I've always knew that he was such a good boyfriend because of the things I've saw him doing for his ex, and only once I had the thought 'wow, I should've "invested"' on him.' but it was just a silly thought at the time. Then, after he broke up, we started talking again. In the first day, I told him and another friend of ours that I also got back to the talking stage with my ex; they both scolded me for that, but he almost made me cry for it. The next days, he became so gentle, so kind, so lovely to me. In this meantime, he became a christian and, Lord, it felt like he was a christian his whole life; like he was meant to be a man of God. Well, honestly, i've never saw something like that and it screamed 'father of my children'. Also, i've never felt so comfortable and so happy talking about God to someone like this before. It didn't felt 'weird', it didn't felt awkward. It felt cozy, young, warm. I seriously don't know what happened to me and what the hell am I feeling for this boy, especially because in these two years I've saw him like a brother, even though that common friend of ours said that she noticed a certain 'tension of something else' between us when I told her about my feelings for him. Anyways, it awkwards me. His kindness, his good heart makes me BLUSH, melt, everything at once and I need to cover it up because I really don't wanna mess up our friendship. Deep inside, when I lay down in my bed and think or fantasize, all I want is to take care of him the way he deserved it and I know I could do it. I know I could make him feel emotionally safe, I know I could demonstrate my feelings and affection, I know I could take him seriously and make that relationship work and evolute no matter what it takes from me. It's weird because the way I say it makes me look like absolute in love, but I know I'm not — yet. And, honestly, I wish I never had the slighest bit of interest. But I say this because I know he's a good boy, he's worth it, serious and hardworking. Actually, I've never saw and I've never thought that a boy my age could absolutely overcome older guys in terms of maturity, responsability and all other qualities a man should have. This has always intrigued me, I mean it. He probably has flaws like anyone else — even though, in these two years, I was unable to identify them — but all I can see and value is his heart. Always so kind, sweet, loving. I wish I've met him before and stayed with him instead of my ex. At the same time, I wished this load of unfamiliar and very uncomfortable feelings had never hit me. At least not now and not that hard. Seriously, I started thinking there was magic envolved, because there is no way I simply started panicking over a random friend. And when I say panicking, I mean it: he got me anxious, distressed, frustrated, annoyed because I want him to talk to me. All night. And I was not like that, not until now. What should I do? Tell him and risk our friendship that, above all agonizing feeling, is a priority? Remain quiet and wait for these feelings to fade, if they ever will, while having to fake simpathy when he talks excitedly about his future girls? Ugh!

[rottingbrunette]

[rottingbrunette]

my new purse (≧◡≦) ♡

[rottingbrunette]

𐙚 still love this thing | Instagram

[rottingbrunette]

꒰♡꒱ me core !

[rottingbrunette]

[rottingbrunette]

pretty pink perfume bottles 🧁🎀🍰🍫⊹ ‧₊˚

[rottingbrunette]

my balletcore dreams set on by fiends

[rottingbrunette]

🎀🪽₊˚✧ . ˚

[rottingbrunette]

[rottingbrunette]

sweet morning: i am grateful for another day to live and grow, i am surrounded by love and support, i am in control of my thoughts, this is my life and my reality.

[rottingbrunette]

[rottingbrunette]