rrmjareau

[rrmjareau]

you said i shouldn’t do anything more

i lifted my tongue, tasted salt

staring down the sides of my face

you watched my mouth open and close

words jamming in my throat

they said you make me sick

it repeated in my mind

until i swear i could see stars

chasing your intentions

i know you’d never let me sober

still i’d blur my vision blind

if it meant i could keep knowing you

and your precious heart

[rrmjareau]

you are infinite.

each precious moment stringing between us is laced with vulgar reminders that your unintentional contribution of tranquility would be wasted upon me. though, i could never hold you accountable for my sour mind, the youthful milk of my innocence spoilt by the inescapable truth of your perfection. my unrequited desire for your focused affection plagues the frame we move in, and as the distance between us stretches to eternity and back, i surrender my free, godly given will to your absolute divinity. i drop the stained white flag from between my teeth and raise blood-shot eyes to the sky, consumed by a mind straining for this war to never end.

- heart spill pt. 2

[rrmjareau]

i wanted you all to myself. i couldn’t have your touch, so i forced satisfaction with the works of art online where you sprung small smut surprises on my late night mind. they stole those gifts, through their gloating of your discovery, they crashed my system and brought on your permanent invisibility. my wetness boiling into a mist as i missed your sweet messages and indirect acknowledgment, your suspicions categorising me as another foul piece of play. my many high nights were spent filling gaping wounds with your eyes and your tongue, wasted upon their presence. you, my dear, shall be no more than a challenge of impersonation and patience. you, my love, shall never cease to feed my sincerely sheltered cravings.

- heart spill pt. 1

[rrmjareau]

you know you could drag me through roses until i spit the petals’ pigment,

and i know i could never be fonder of your sweet, dark curls.

[rrmjareau]

[rrmjareau]

“write about spiders.”

“how do i do that?”

“i don’t know, just write.”

“but spiders aren’t very nice”

“does something have to be nice to write about it?”

“no, i guess not.”

“so write about spiders”

“tits”

[rrmjareau]

what a blessing

to meet someone like you

with a mind as gone as mine

we’ll dine

i’m not fit for chasing

and it’s not easy to say

but to pray the game away

is the only thing that we could do

if you ever wanted to

[rrmjareau]

i never used to think of myself as a bad person

and i wasn’t until i met you

i haven’t even hurt anyone else

but you make me feel bad

sick

like i no longer have control over my movements

i do anything i think of

even when i know i shouldn’t

you make me feel like i’m living in a dream

my vision’s hazy

my limbs are dragging through water

my words have no consequences

suddenly, i’m no longer conscious

while my morals are consumed

by your ultimate bliss

[rrmjareau]

a moment of silence

a visit to the memorials

a poppy, maybe two

we mourn the loss of our soldiers

we celebrate the loss of theirs

there are tears in coffee mugs as the letters arrive home

yet they never enough to drown the living’s joy

we watch from afar as men and women

are removed from their present lives

their pasts are bombed

they never had a future

how dare they ask for help?

such respect we pay to those who fought for us

but we spit on those who fought for them

and we ignore those who cannot fight for themselves

who are we to decide who deserves such honour?

[rrmjareau]

a new seating plan

a new partner

and a new view of the class

suddenly, i have a view of you

the boy next to me thinks i’m looking at him

he doesn’t know much about me

neither do you

we don’t talk much

would it be rude to ask about the dye fading from your hair?

maybe we could dye our hair together

we could match

like the couples in those romantic videos

or in the movies

or in the books

or in the comics

or on the little wooden bench at the end of the park

that’s always damp, even in summer

perhaps you could sit on my jacket instead

i could take care of you

if you let me

would it be rude to ask about the white lines trailing your limbs?

[rrmjareau]

[rrmjareau]

[rrmjareau]

a feeling can become comforting

even in the darkest of moments

even if it’s the sickening realisation

that you are alive.

if that feeling becomes part of you

if it becomes something essential to yourself

it can bring you the utmost satisfaction

in the most tragic sequences of a events

so i ask you

do you still wish for happiness?

[rrmjareau]

the sunlight can dance

it dances all day long

the seemingly endless warmth

burning our skin

but when seasons turn

and the sun shines brighter than ever

there’s an unexpected bite

a cold you could not predict

so tell me

did you mean to freeze my heart?

could i ever have seen it coming?

[rrmjareau]

you crush my lungs

you shred my stomach

you invade my brain

this is not love i have for you

this isn’t obsession

i simply wont survive if you do not return

every drop of my blood is dedicated to you

matching the pace of your beating heart

the heart i wish to hold, to devour

how i crave for your body against mine

closer and closer

until separation becomes fatal

[rrmjareau]

i’m young, but the thought of leaving you behind might just kill me

[rrmjareau]

i crave you in a way i do not understand

i wish to match my words to yours

to match our heartbeats

to match our vows

is it only i who has such desire for you?

we are surrounded by so many others

all who know of your perfection

so tell me why you only look at me

do you crave me too?

am i even worth craving?