rzeka-of-rivia - Tumblr blog

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so

I made a thing

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I'm sure at least one of you will have a use for this...... thing

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The Witcher Netflix, but Jaskier breaks the fourth wall like Enola Holmes does. Bonus points if everyone else is like “who are you talking to??” And he just ignores them.

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Henry Cavill building a computer from scratch:

Joey Batey trying to bake a cake:

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I have this whole headcanon about Jaskier, burning his hands while dragging Geralt to safety (a hunt gone wrong?) and I HAVE EMOTIONS-

he tries so hard, this is his concentrated face.

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Herein lies an excerpt from the Harry Potter AU no one asked me for:

~

The air was chilly, just the right end of nippy, cold enough that Jaskier was damn well glad he had grabbed his scarf and entirely regretting not grabbing his gloves. His hands were bunched up in the pockets of his robes, seeking any and all warmth as the moments ticked on, the sun sinking lower and the air grew chiller. As excited as he was – meeting new people was always something that Jaskier enjoyed – as much as he couldn’t wait for the arrival of the other schools, he was fairly annoyed they couldn’t have shown up in warmer weather! What was stopping them from have just shown up this afternoon! Or even last week, when the weather was unseasonably, boiling hot! Utterly inconsiderate, making him wait in the cold and delaying his dinner.

Keep reading

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jaskier: so we've been friends for more than 22 years and-

geralt: wait

geralt, thinking hard: ...

geralt: it can't have been that long

jaskier: trust me, geralt, it has! time flies, am i right? but as i was saying. we've known each other for a while and it's time i told you the truth

geralt, thinking even harder: /what is it? fuck, he's dying. he's getting old and he's going to die soon. it must be that. but he looks so healthy! what do i do?/

jaskier: so that one time we went to that mage's creepy mansion i found some shiny vial labelled 'timeless'. and i thought: sounds great! so i drank the potion

geralt: what the fuck, jaskier

jaskier: just a sip or two, really. and now i think i haven't aged one bit in the last 10 years? neat, right? do you think that means i get to live longer?

geralt: * facepalms in sheer horror *

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I posted this with the middle two switched on accident but I fixed it stop roasting me guys

BUT I AM standing by that this is their dynamic; ESPECIALLY roach I will not consider any arguments

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his one true love

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So thank you for taking a chance on me I know it isn’t easy But I hope to be worth it

Geraskier + Next to me by Imagine Dragons

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Geralt: Why are you two always out during rainstorms?

Ciri: It’s so peaceful and refreshing. I love the smell of fresh rainfall.

Jaskier: Yennefer bet me 12 gold that I couldn’t get struck by lightning and she’s Wrong.

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I am once again asking you to appreciate these idiots.

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aight but jaskier asks without asking will you run away with me? and there is a world where geralt says no – where geralt continues on the mountain, continues with yennefer, continues until he breaks jaskier’s heart – but there’s always another version and in this one geralt is tired of yennefer’s aloofness tired of losing people he was supposed to protect tired of the heavy hand of destiny and he says fine because it’s always jaskier, isn’t it? jaskier is the only one that has ever stayed, the only one that has ever asked how he is and meant it, the only one that has never smelt or felt or looked afraid in his presence and –

so they leave. they walk back down the mountain and jaskier is it’s been so long since i’ve been to the coast, geralt, so long since i’ve seen the sea, and are sirens real, geralt? do you think we should go find one? with a voice as lovely as mine i can only compete with the bestand geralt hmmsand hmms and keeps an eyes on his bard as the mountain slopes downwards and the trail becomes steep and –

they make it off the mountain. they camp. and nothing has changed but everything has because geralt may be dense and geralt may be oblivious to certain things but he’s a damn good watcher and he caught the way jaskier looked at him on the mountainside, that quick glance in the red-hued sunset and something in him wants in a way he’s never wanted before and –

maybe this time geralt hangs back. maybe this time he walks beside jaskier, roach’s reigns in his hand, and follows jaskier’s lead. follows the way jaskier followed him, without expectation and without restraint, into sunny afternoons spent lounging by a river, into wildflower-choked clearings, into whatever lies at the end of whatever trail has caught jaskier’s fancy because here, now, without the weight of yennefer and destiny and the path, he can bask

and if there’s anyone worth basking in it’s jaskier – jaskier who has no plan in mind, no timeline, just endless days of seeing where the road takes him, usually in the direction of the coast but occasionally not, and geralt follows with little more than a hmm even as jaskier tells him that anywhere you want, geralt, we don’t have to go to the coast if you don’t want to, but you really ought to because i bet the salty air would do you some good, would help you relax if you let it and geralt doesn’t know how to convince him that i’ll go where you go, jaskier, lead the way without physically pressing it into his brain so he repeats himself again and again until the tension leaks from jaskier one day, his blue eyes shining and he’s beaming and you really mean that, don’t you? and geralt’s mouth goes dry but yes, i do and –

jaskier will take his hand, sometimes, his skin roughened despite the lotion he uses, and lead him into camps and villages and towns, lead him into taverns and abandoned cabins and dry caves, meandering from one area to the next and geralt has never seen jaskier so at ease and by the time they reach the coast geralt realizes in all that travel not once did he slay a monster, not once did he feel the pull of the path, not once did he want anything other than to stay by jaskier’s side and –

they find an abandoned strip of beach one day when the clouds hang heavy in the sky, the sea dark and slapping the shore with an ever-growing vigor. it’s windy enough that geralt has to put his hair into a proper ponytail, windy enough that jaskier’s hair is pulled by it, windy enough that jaskier has to shout to say that i love weather like this! can you feel it too, the wildness, the ferocity, the unrelenting power of it all? doesn’t it make you feel small, geralt? like when you look up at the stars? don’t you want to sit here for awhile and feel it all?

and geralt has always felt small but in different ways and this is the best way to feel small – jaskier turned towards him, smiling and laughing and throwing his arms out as if to catch the wind, baring his heart for whoever may take it even if it’s geralt, trusting that geralt won’t rip it from him and tear it to pieces the way he was made to and it’s got his stomach swooping, got his pulse beating in his ears because this, this is something no one has ever given him before and it’s taken twenty years for him to realize it, taken twenty years for him to realize that jaskier is never going anywhere and that jaskier isn’t with him for the glory or the stories but for him and –

he smiles, warmth blooming in his chest, and says i feel it, jaskier, i feel it

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i love reading about yennefer or ciri hooking geralt and jaskier up.

i love fics where yennefer helps her ex move on - her and jaskier have a relationship built on snark and barbed words. they’re fabulous tavern buddies and can just about drink anyone under the table. they adore geralt, in their own separate ways, and if he knew how tightly wrapped they are around his finger, it would be sheer chaos.

or fics where ciri is charmed by jaskier and they form such a close bond where they both run circles around geralt, bringing sunshine into his life and viciously protecting him against all those who would dare spit venom his way. it’s quite a sight to behold, seeing the fearsome witcher, being protected by a young girl with a bejewelled dagger and a skinny bard with a lute.

but.

but what about roach.

roach who sees jaskier and thinks, yes.

this one is perfect.

so, she does everything she can to get them closer.

it starts gentle, nudging geralt into jaskier’s body, nibbling at his hair when his words are too coarse, too sharp, hit too deep.

she incites his protective instincts by whinnying loudly when they come across those who want to harm their bard.

she steals blankets, ensuring that they must linger close together when the nights get chilly.

she eats their food, so they must dine together in taverns.

she tramples their spare tent, because the bard gets sweetly flustered when geralt suggests that they simply share his.

then geralt seemingly catches on and takes her aside. admonishes her for behaving poorly, queries her on why she’s acting so impishly - she nudges him roughly, forces him to turn his head and see. 

see jaskier, braiding flowers whilst he composes a cheery ditty, his nimble fingers quick and delicate. geralt doesn’t quite get it and he stiffens when the little lark approaches him, a merry skip in his step. geralt eyes the flower crown in his hands and narrows his eyes. leans back, his heart pounding fiercely in his chest.

“you are not putting that on me,” he states.

“don’t be so ridiculous,” jaskier replies, with a roll of his eyes, “these flowers wouldn’t suit your hair at all - this is for roach.” he ends his declaration by placing the crown gently on roach’s head, her ears poking out delicately between the threads of stems. roach whinnies, knocks her head against jaskier’s and nibbles affectionately at his shoulder.

geralt blinks at the sight.

roach recognises the gleam in his eye.

“would you like one?” jaskier asks, off-hand and airy, as if he knows he’s going to be rejected.

geralt’s eyes flit between the crown on roach’s head and the blasé expression on the bard’s sweet face. cocks his head and allows a small smile to grow on his lips.

“i don’t believe i would pull the look off half as well as roach,” he says, humouring the bard for a moment. jaskier merely clucks his tongue and throws geralt a disbelieving glance, gesturing at roach with great flourish.

“well obviously,” he says with a scoff, “have you seen her? she’s the most magnificent beast this side of the continent!”

and roach whinnies again, presses her head into the crook of jaskier’s neck and shoots geralt a pointed look.

in return, geralt takes in the sight of jaskier cooing and doting on roach; he takes in the sight of roach nuzzling and chuffing at jaskier. doesn’t quite understand where the swelling of emotion is coming from or why it warms his bones so - it’s quite possibly the strangest sensation he’s ever felt, but it doesn’t feel wrong, so.

“i expect my crown to be made of better flowers,” he says, moving on quicker than jaskier can reply. 

the bard can’t reply though - he’s too busy gaping, floundering and stammering. he watches as geralt strides down the road, his shoulders square and his head held high. there’s a slight flush, high on his cheeks, touching his ears and the tip of his nose.

roach just tilts her head and quietly chuffs.

she thinks her plan is actually working.

they just need one… 

last… 

push.

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going back to option 5

Jaskier: hey Geralt do you dare me to drink this random potion I found in this ruined castle

Geralt: no.

Jaskier, uncorking the bottle: haha this is so fucked up I can’t believe you’re daring me to do this

Geralt: do not drink that

Jaskier: *chugging it*

Geralt: do you have a death wish

Jaskier: *finishes the potion* …

Geralt: …

Jaskier: eh, didn’t do anything. I guess it’s expired.

*like 50 years later*

Yennefer: how the fuck are you still alive and also still thirty

Jaskier: what

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HENRY CAVILL Henry Cavill Explains Everything You Need To Know About The Witcher’s Sword

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Strange little Witcher family. Wanted to draw them as I imagine them