s0ulhealer

[s0ulhealer]

Today i feel like im a bad person.

I KNOW im not, but i cant help it.

My sisters and i have always been inseparable. People always say the relationship the four of us have is so cute because we always have each others backs. I love them terribly, i know that.

Ive always been a cold person. I rarely feel things the way other people do, and sometimes i hardly feel things at all. Growing up i had no idea why i was this way, but after i was diagnosed with autism i kinda had an explanation: i have alexithymia, and even tough i knew this, i felt what my sisters and i had was different, that towards them I COULD feel things but turns out i cant.

Recently, one of them moved out of our family house and i was expecting to miss her terribly due to the fact that we were almost like friends and shared a room, but i dont. I dont miss her at all. My other sisters say that they feel a void in the house but i dont feel anything. Its like she wasnt even here in the first place. I dont feel the need to text her, or to know what is she up to. She talks every day with my mom and other sisters so i know she is fine, but other than that, she moved out of the house and its like i wiped her out of my life. I dont miss talking to her, i dont miss her voice, i dont miss doing things with her.

And it makes me feel terribly guilty to not be sad about it either. I feel like im a bad person but i cant help it, i dont feel anything and i cant force myself to feel it.

I dont know what to do.

[s0ulhealer]

FLEABAG (2016-2019) CONCLAVE (2024)

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I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT I AM A MAGNET FOR MIRACLES

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ITS ALMOST HALLOWEEEENNNNNN 🎃

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Been feelin kind of cute lately

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Almost a year ago i was diagnosed with autism.

All my life i felt weird. As I grew up i got the feeling i wasn't like my sisters, friends or clasemates but i never knew why. I just thought i was shy and introverted.

But then, 10 years ago or so i got diagnosed with anxiety. Some things made sense then and i finally said wow, so THATS why i am the way i am.

Except, it didnt explain everything. Why i cant name my feelings? Why i dont feel the need to be near people? Why i feel dirty everytime i force myself to go to parties or social situations i know i dont enjoy? Why i feel im lying to people because the me that goes to these kind of things is someone i created to look less weird? Why sometimes i dont get the meaning of things people say to me? Why i cant understand the way people feel things? WHY I CANT FEEL THINGS LIKE MOST PEOPLE?!

So after a very stressful months last year i got diagnosed with autism. I was afraid of people treating me different because of that but at the same time i was so happy to finally know WHY.

Friends and family were very supportive. It was nice.

But man its hard. They know it and sometimes i feel they take advantage of that.

Like literally, i say a thing and for some weird reason they think i did it with ulterior motives to fuck with them? Like why would i do that? I try to control my voice and the way i say things so they dont sound mean and i thought i was doing good but aparently not?

Also you know im cold. But my friends and family need to see me, to hang out, to text and stuff even tho i dont like it, but i do it anyways because its important to them and i dont see as a sacrifice because i care about them and they tell me things like that are important to our relationship. BUT WHY WHY WHY when i reach to them they ignore me? They just told me this was important to them!!

Why you say things to me, make me believe i get what you are trying to say and then change it!!!! Saying that i got it wrong from the beginning when i know its not like that!!!! It makes me feel you are playing with me. I feel stupid. I feel you are taking advantange of me.

I hate it. I feel so vulnerable.

[s0ulhealer]

Feelin kind of witchy

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Deleted ig so im posting selfies here i guess

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Just to add: here user lillerbloddy shared how to donate to Desafío levantemos Chile, here more info in english and here a fundraiser created by Pedro Pascal Nation.

I always say this but non chileans fans of Pedro really dont give a fuck when he posts or shares chilean related things like right now we have MASSIVE wildfires going on. 100+ people lost their lives in Viña, Quilpué and more and that list is only going to grow because there is so much devastation that we have no enough resources to retrieve the corpses. This is the most deadly dissaster in our country since the 2010 earthquake in Constitución.

Lots of people lost their homes, loved ones, sources of income. In Viña we had a 100+ years old massive garden, home to lot of native species of flora and wildlife and it was totally destroyed by the fire.

And i guess this hits specially for Pedro since almost everytime he comes to Chile, he stays in Cachagua which as Viña is located in Región de Valparaíso.

We need all the help possible and if you care about the man, at least you can donate or share the links he posted.

You can donate here: Desafío levantemos Chile

[s0ulhealer]

Since last friday, the central region of Chile has been struck by catastrophic wildfires that have destroyed entire neigbourhoods (most of them being working class and very low-resource) and left a death toll of 120, expected to grow during the week.

We also lost the entirety of the botanical garden which was considered to be the lungs of the city and harboured endangered species, along with the family that took care of gardening and the custody of the park.

Since I don't have the resources to help the way I'd love to, I feel like the least I can do is share what's happening and urge those who help to do so. So far the only NGO I know is able to receive help from abroad is Desafío Levantemos Chile, which was formed after the 2010 Earthquake and has been doing a great job since. They are 100% reliable and the website shows the way their resources are utilized.

The process is rather easy and quick:

Everything counts! Please share <3

[s0ulhealer]

I always say this but non chileans fans of Pedro really dont give a fuck when he posts or shares chilean related things like right now we have MASSIVE wildfires going on. 100+ people lost their lives in Viña, Quilpué and more and that list is only going to grow because there is so much devastation that we have no enough resources to retrieve the corpses. This is the most deadly dissaster in our country since the 2010 earthquake in Constitución.

Lots of people lost their homes, loved ones, sources of income. In Viña we had a 100+ years old massive garden, home to lot of native species of flora and wildlife and it was totally destroyed by the fire.

And i guess this hits specially for Pedro since almost everytime he comes to Chile, he stays in Cachagua which as Viña is located in Región de Valparaíso.

We need all the help possible and if you care about the man, at least you can donate or share the links he posted.

You can donate here: Desafío levantemos Chile

[s0ulhealer]

I tried cutting just the tips of my (former) curtain bangs and accidentally gave myself very short blunt bangs.

Now im your stereotypical feminst vegan gurrrl

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Felt kinda cute

Might delete later

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quick reminder that 9/11 isn’t only an important date in us history, but also in chilean history as well.

today marks the start of a military dictatorship that ruled chile for 17 years (1973-1990) due to the political intervention of the united states. this period was characterized by blatant human rights violations, with people getting exiled from their own country because of their political beliefs and chileans (of all ages) getting tortured under this military regime.

according to the informe rettig (a comission that investigated the human rights violations during the dictatorship), there is an estimate of 28,259 victims of political prison and torture, 2,298 executed and 1,209 detenidos desaparecidos (people that “went missing” while they were detained by military authorities). these people ranged from figures of political opposition, their relatives, students, indigenous people, immigrants, underage kids, among many others.

despite the fact that the dictatorship of augusto pinochet was over fifty years ago, there are still chilean citizens that do not know what happened to their loved ones that “went missing” during this time period.

fuerza a todos los familiares y amigos de los detenidos desaparecidos. merecen justicia.

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Ya, ya.

Sólo tengo que aguantar 22 semanas más, y se acaba la práctica profesional.

Yo puedo.

Yo puedo.

Yo puedo.

[s0ulhealer]

JACOB ANDERSON as 𝕷𝖔𝖚𝖎𝖘 𝖉𝖊 𝕻𝖔𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊 𝖉𝖚 𝕷𝖆𝖈 INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE 1.03: IS MY VERY NATURE THAT OF THE DEVIL.

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GONG YOO Ph. by Hong Jang Hyun for Esquire Korea (Sep. 2022)