sachikoq

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yo

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AYYYY YO.

aoko you literally cannot say that

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I wasn't going to post about this but everytime I have some alone time, it comes to mind again and I think I need to say something somewhere.

My grandpa passed away in the hospital yesterday early in the morning. They'd been in icu a couple days before being transferred to hospice and dying there. He'd been difficult about seeking care both from poverty but more than that, he hated going to doctors/hospitals.

My grandparents have both been poor for a long time now, so that's been a large issue in all of this, but it hurts especially losing him, he was there for me often when nobody else was.

When I was a kid, he'd feed me and my sister when my dad wouldn't. After I came out as trans he called and gave a lot of support as well as told me he'd "used to crossdress" and about how he had a boyfriend in the 60s but they split for financial/societal reasons. He'd give me advice for passing now and then.

I didn't really know the full extent of his gender situation tbh, so I always felt gross saying I thought he might be trans, like I was putting something to his identity that wasn't there. I no longer really feel this way.

My grandmother spoke a lot while on the phone with me today about the true extent of this and specifically, unprompted brought it up. She mentioned things like how he'd never, ever take care of himself when he had to be a man, or how he'd "hated every second of having to live this way." He was apparently scared to go to the hospital now in particular because he didn't want them to see he'd been shaving.

Likewise, we aren't directly related, they apparently met at some point and she was the first other woman tolerant of all this and not trying to "fix him." Her words.

I already feel gross having to have had used "he" to talk about them. I don't really know how to handle any of this. I told some close friends and family this but it feels like losing both a family member and a comrade. Everything about their upbringing feels so close to mine and I think they knew it too. I wish I'd talked to her a bit more. I wish I'd fucking asked more questions or been brave enough to discuss this more in depth.

Throughout this, the thought hasn't left my mind of the fact that, preventing trans people from transitioning or existing will lead to self harm/suicide/death. It's sinking in that even if not always in the conventional way this is true.

I wonder if she'd been born later she'd maybe have had an easier time, or at least taken better care of herself because she'd have been able to transition. I wonder how many other fucking people have given up on their bodies or their health because of this shit. How fucking many people were forced into the hiding?

We lost a sister today and there's a high likelihood they'll throw out her ashes due to circumstances without lettingmy grandmother keep them. I fucking hate the world we live in. It's not fucking fair.

To any other trans siblings reading this. Don't you fucking let anyone stop you from being yourself. If these fucks had it their way, we'd all end up this way. Please, do everything in your power and reach out if you need others. I don't fucking want anyone to have to fucking go this way.

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Sometimes it does feel weird talking about NSFW bans because you either see it discussed in the sense of "NSFW bans are bad because the systems just randomly shoot innocent queer people!" or "The NSFW was bad (supposedly) but all the weirdos who jacked off to porn went away so things are nicer now" and its like

man that's great meanwhile I don't think Mastercard should decide if I pay someone to draw Cynthia from Pokemon being brainwashed or not.

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favorite johnny bravo scene

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what the fuck why would anyone call it that

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Yet again, more proof that capitalism was never about "freedom" or "small government".

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Don't talk to me, I'm in the zone right now

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Fish, Squids/Octopi, or Frogs.

Reblog with your animal. It’s toucans for me

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The Kirsche and Anavalens thing has me so infuriated. Because it's the perfect encapsulation of why the queer community needs to protect trans women so damn much. Ana Valens, a trans woman, posts an article about Kirsche being a literal nazi; like bar for bar promoting white genocide myths and talking about George Floyd deserving it type of stuff. Immediately, Ana Valens is pedojacketed for some posts she made in 2020 about experiencing POCD. Immediately, her fetishes are turned into something sinister, and her sexual expression is punished. Immediately, attacks against her are made to be justified under the guide of "protecting women and children", and violence is encouraged against the "degenerate". This is what people do to trans women who question fascism literally all the time btw. You can argue it happens for other queer people too, but it is almost never NEARLY as violent, hateful, and cruel as it is with trans women when it happens. It's so irritating that there are people out there who hit every trans woman's suffering with the "but all queer people" thing, especially right now. Acknowledge a trans woman's suffering and act to make it less extreme. Please.

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redditors will be like "i have le cursed internet knowledge" and that knowledge is like. being vaguely aware of what furries are and making a big production out of gawking and going "errm wgat the heck is this weird crap"

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Sometimes u just gotta make yourself a quesadilla and move the fuck on

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Need a cute succubus lady to stab my back with the tip of her tail in and moan and start injecting evil corrupting demon girl essence and her tail goes like glrp glrp glrp from her pumping it in and she's like writhing in pleasure and getting turned on and slowly getting stronger and my body is all weak and soft and getting even more pretty and cute and when she cums we both moan and there's like evil corrupt essence around because she's turned me into her little demon girltoy and mgnfhjfsfbbdv