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[sadgurlchronicles]

03/09/2023 10:46 PM

Is this life …. It’s a constant ache . One I’ve known before but somehow now different . Is this is ? Just movement from one sad uncomfortable situation to the next ….. A L W A Y S ¿ …… is this you ? The real you ? Is this us the real us ? Is this the life we “dreamt” of ? I’m not insane I know I am not . I know these feelings are real . Hardly spend any time together … are we fading … ? Is this it ? Is this what love is ? Is this the love you begged to show me ? Is this the love that has no bonds ? Is this the forever love you claimed existed ?Why does this love hurt more now than anything what have I done for my love to slip through my hands this way . Slipping out my hands as if this foreign skin is unworthy ….. I’m just tired of sleeping alone every night …

[sadgurlchronicles]

[sadgurlchronicles]

09/26/2022 3:53PM

Why does he keep hurting me over and over . Literally just twisting it in. Shes laughing at me , embarrassing me . Texting him saying he can have it whenever not matter if he’s married or not. That shes waiting for his im single alert . Sending him photos and videos of herself . FUCKING KILL ME PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD FUCKING KILL ME . No one is special ILL NEVER BEEN SPECIAL. THEY ALL ACT LIKE THIS ALL OF THEM ALWAYS !!!! They all lie , they all cheat ,ALL !!! I just wanna close my eyes and never open them again. I dont even know whats going on . He’s the one giving someone else the time of day . Then you remove your location cause im the weird one . Then you post a picture from 2 years ago … like who are you trying to impress . I keep my mouth shut so much ALL THE TIME . The immaturity…. Is so LOUD. I sliced up my wrist so bad . My heart was beating soooooo fast . My mouth was dry my lungs were fluttering so fucking fast. Why do I deal with this … why do I contemplate this being okay …… just kill me please .

[sadgurlchronicles]

06/23/2022 1:38 pm

I guess this lifetime just isn’t it either . I was close so close. I thought things were good. I thought I was doing good or should I say i thought I was good enough. I really dont know . I dont know what to think or do . I should be used to this. I should have seen this coming . I was hopeful . I was so hopeful . Also pain all I know is pain . Suffering will be my life I have and will know nothing else.

[sadgurlchronicles]

[sadgurlchronicles]

[sadgurlchronicles]

[sadgurlchronicles]

11/18/2021 8:37 PM

If me coming back to this blog doesn’t say something about depression and it’s LONG choke hold on you as an individual idk what else will. I started this bitch 4 years ago with the hope I could make it. And I have … in a way. Still being alive is what I have to do right ? Leaving this earth on my own terms is failure right ? But as long as I just stay here and stay alive I make everyone happy . But am I happy ? Can I be ? Are they even really happy that im here ? I pray every fucking day for the cure to this. For a miracle for it to just disappear one morning. I’m in a constant agony. What have the last forced 4 years on this earth even given me ? More saddens ? More pain? I’m sad omg I’m so sad . This moment I just want a way out there’s so much to say so much to explain … I’m so so sad for so many reasons … oh god the pain is so strong my chest is so tight and the lump in my throat makes it hard to breathe …. I’m drowning … again

[sadgurlchronicles]

FEBRUARY 18, 2019

How do I ease my mind ? Why is it always a fucking rush of overwhelming thoughts that leech into my mind, into my cells, into my blood just leeching into everything I am. I am never free I am always being strangled by an invisible chain of malicious thoughts. By a pair of invisible foul hands who wish to see my utter demise, my utter silents. I wish to end it I wish to black it out . I wish to silence it all, I crave the eternal darkness that will come once this is all done .

[sadgurlchronicles]

I’m a good person and I deserve to live.

I’m a good person and I deserve to live.

I’m a good person and I deserve to live.

[sadgurlchronicles]

1:37 AM

I did it . I cut. Slight relief as I couldn’t fully cut due to the fact that my mom face was in my mind. I’m supposed to move at the end of this year to a new state alone . And if she finds out I still cut she won’t support me in the slightest . Once it heals I should be good till I move. I’m hoping being away being gone I won’t feel the need to destroy open my skin. I know I will be alone and that will be hard but I won’t be here and I know that’s a bigger issue than being alone. Or at least I hope. I’ve just been feeling so horrible lately . It’s been coming in waves. The cutting need. In high ways . Early last month I wanted to end it all. I almost did I l never felt so ready so okay with it. I don’t know what stopped me but it did. And now I’m just left with the aftershocks of it all. The cutting after shocks . It’s been strange and hard to manage. Things are beginning to just feel like to much and I don’t know how to fix it. My brain just says cut . And I don’t mind the cutting . I miss it .. soo much and I wish I could do it more. There’s cameras in my house even now I’m worried one of them caught me sneaking a knife . I keep telling myself I’ll buy one ... and I will I will buy one .

[sadgurlchronicles]

FEBRUARY 14 2019

I haven’t done it in so long ... the feeling has been growing and growing and growing and now I feel it . I can feel it in my cells in my body in my skin . I need it . I am going to do it . I don’t know if I’ll regret it but I need it so bad .

[sadgurlchronicles]

Coming back 3/2/18

It's been months MANY MANY months since ive cried, had flash backs or panic attacks over this . It's something that "doesn't" effect me anymore . It's something I'm "over" and have "conquered". Wow it's funny how fast things change . My mom wanted me to go to a family dinner and I said yes because she wasn't supposed to be there . Usually I'll suck it up and be around her, I have to do it for everyone else fuck my feelings but ever since she got pregnant I can't even hear her name . This family allowed a pedophile to think she did absolutely nothing wrong that she could go and have her own kids . Well my mom wants to last minute text me saying she's going to be there. I said oh well that makes sense why I didn't get invited . Wow magic I get an invite two minutes later . I begin to explain how fucked up it is to ask a stupid question as to if I'm going to be around my abuser that day , she procees to say you wanted an invite . Then when I express how physically sick it's making me think of her pregnant my mom says we are all upset . How can you all be upset if you allowed her to think she can have a child !!!!!!!!!! You gave her no fucking indication that what she did to me for years was wrong fuckingggggggggg wrong . Wow fuck my life . I haven't cried in so long over this . I wish it would end I wish I would turn the lights off . I wish I could dim it all . I wish I was dead .

[sadgurlchronicles]

January 3, 2018

Most times I feel okay like it's fine and I can live sure I have depression but I'm okay .... but other times it's bad so fucking bad . And I don't really get flash backs but I get feelings. Like it feels like someone's hands are all over my body. And I hate my skin and body and I feel like someone is touching me and I can't breathe and I can't move and I hateeee that feelings I fucking hate it. I hate the people who have put me here

[sadgurlchronicles]

September....

Wow ... 3 months 3 fucking months . Have these months been good to me or have I've just been soooo gone in my head I haven't thought of writing ... can't really answer all I know is it's back . Not super hard but it's back and it still hurts the same . There's no escaping . I'll be like this for life and no one will want me . I'm a depressing fucking mess. I don't know what I'm doing with my life . I am a piece of shit I wish I would die already . God I wish I was dead everything is sooo hard to deal with it's all to overwhelming

[sadgurlchronicles]

9/23 12:18am

Some days are good but they never last. I will be honest every fucking day I wish and hope I'll die. Every fucking day I wish I could go back to cutting . Everyday is a fucking struggle . Everyday I suffer. Everything is a chore. Everyday is a curse . When will this end will we'll I be happy . When can I fucking live real life and not this fake horror I'm living

[sadgurlchronicles]

09/8 10:34pm

I don't know . I just don't understand . I was fine for a few days then it went all down hill today. I feel so sad it's so bad I wanna throw up . I hate life I really do I feel sick I just don't wanna live . I just want it to be dark please make it stop please ... I'm not strong I can't do this . My sister yelled at me earlier because she asked why are you sad and I just couldn't answer it . She said if you can't tell me what's wrong how am I supposed to help ... and my only answer is I don't know .