samahrium

[samahrium]

My mom said ChatGPT will steal my job

Content writers have enough anxiety as it is without having to worry about an AI replacing them. But here we are.

ChatGPT is great at

Churning a large quantity of content very quickly

Creating content exactly as per brief

Already having research down to a pat

Adding keywords seamlessly (Personally, I've always found this annoying)

Writing in the style of a writer of your choice

A handy tool for people who aren't confident about their writing skills.

So yes, ChatGPT is faster, more efficient and probably has better grammar than the average content writer. Knowing that I have 1 skill, which I've been moulding and perfecting for over a decade. my mom's right to be worried about my job safety.

ChatGPT also showcases:

A lack of authenticity. Have you seen the multitude of "Did ChatGPT write this?" articles? As inauthentic as the world is, people have a fairly good BS detector. Authentic experiences shape the world of a writer. Yes, even a content writer. Though they might be following brand guidelines and content structures, there's a thread of their lived experience, their reality in there.

Content saturation. Yes, if you're looking to churn out drivel, C has your back. And that just points out to a bigger issue with the ecosystem, doesn't it? That a lot of it is just drivel? After a point, people will think of the online content ecosystem and digital omnichannel approach as something obsolete, like door-to-door salesman or the landline.

So yeah, I might lose my job. And maybe that's going to give me the freedom to really write.

[samahrium]

Cinematoraphy, production design and more in The Gray Man

The Gray Man has some stunning fight sequences that can keep your attention till the end. Here I breakdown some of them.

Image from IMDB

Some names to remember:

Cinematography: Stephen Windon (Also worked on Fast & Furious 8, Fast & Furious 7 and more)

Production Design: Dennis Gassner (Also worked on Skyfall, Quantum of Solace, Blade Runner and more)

Art Direction: Lauren Rosenbloom (Also worked on The Rookie, Ant Man and more)

Of course, this film is directed by the Russo brothers

Here is the full list of their cast and crew.

Fireworks to enhance chaos

Juxtaposing the first fight sequence with fireworks gives an urgent and frantic energy to the scene. While a celebration happens on the outside, inside there's a fight. On both sides, there is chaos.

Smoke/ fire extinguisher to conceal ···

In this scene, the Ryan Gosling's character 6 (Yes his name is 6) is trapped on an aircraft with his assailants. Since he has nowhere to go, he cleverly uses smoke to conceal himself and take them by surprise. Smoke in the frame also allows the audience's eyes to wander around (at least for a split second or so) as they too are unsure of where 6 will pop up from. It provides a beautiful backdrop for the action taking place.

Handcuffed to the bench showing helplessness···

Chris Evans' character, Lloyd, becoming increasingly frustrated, says, "Would someone mind shooting the man handcuffed to the bench?" This line sums up the whole action scene. 6 is handcuffed to the bench in a bustling square. The police and public are collateral damage here. 6 spends most of this sequence trying to dodge bullets while the police and Lloyd's henchmen keep firing. This scene shows 6s helplessness caused due to just one handcuff- hard to imagine a highly trained operative to be helpless but here we are.

Bonus- subtle lighting to show Lloyd's nefariousness

···

In this scene, Lloyd is talking on the phone (speaker) to 6, asking him to turn himself in or else...! Just classic villain stuff. But I love how the light from the phone was used for split lighting. It highlights half his face and moustache, really bringing out the 'shady' side of Lloyd. This lighting technique is used to showcase power and drama.

Final thoughts

There are definitely many well thought out, well designed, well lit, well choreographed moments in the film. With an incredible action-per-second script, it's hard to highlight all the great moments in this. To me it seemed be-fitting a big screen experience. But I guess most people have an at-home movie theatre, so it doesn't matter that much. I love the moment Lloyd calls 6 a 'Ken Doll', referencing Ryan's other project- Barbie. Well is it really a Russo Brothers movie if there are no references?



Note: I know this would have been better with the stills but… I’m not sure how internet copyright works right now and don’t have the money to risk it lol. 

[samahrium]

Fresh (the movie) and why dating sucks

Two beautiful actors in a movie about cannibalism and dating sums up the 2020s so far because if the romance looks too good to be true, it definitely is and one of you is about to get eaten up!

Intro

Daisy Edgar-Jones plays Noa, a woman who's tired of 'playing games' in dating. When she meets Steve (Sebastian Stan) in the fresh (see what they did there?) vegetables aisle, she decides to 'fuck it'. She wants to just be herself and let destiny take control. Little does she know that Steve is a cannibal-entrepreneur, a man who sells women's meat to the 1% of the 1% (rich), making him exactly the worst person possible to have a 'fuck it' attitude with. Noa's mindfuck journey with Steve is sure to make every woman in the audience think to herself 'and I thought my taste in men was bad.'

The plot thickens

This movie objectifies women, literally. One scene shows a freezer with women's body parts, neatly labelled. A lot of it is honestly disturbing, even when you go into it knowing to expect a horror/satire genre.

Steve, clearly a psychopath, has his own philosophy when it comes to cannibalism. He compares the deviancy to love.

Shout out to Mollie, Noa's only friend, for being the only reasonable, sensible and truly moral character in this movie. At great risk to her own life, she goes searching for Noa and gets ensnared into the vicious trap herself.

Camera, direction and sound

Mimi Cave gives her directorial debut and she definitely keeps things fresh. The cinematography in this movie is tactile, you can feel the film. From the mouth closeups while Noa eats a chip or someone else eats a burger, to the painting like stillness when the scene demands it, every shot serves a purpose. The soundtrack isn't to be missed either. Sebastian preparing his "meat" to Obsession by Animotion elevates the absurdity of the scene.

Why dating sucks

On her first date with Steve, Noa aptly articulates how dating is a tiring game. This movie shows how a woman in search of love will literally agree to a 'surprise trip' with a stranger rather than be alone. So, dating sucks because there is always a chance that the person you're dating turns out to be a cannibal. On the other hand, even though Steve knows his time with Noa is limited- since he's selling off her body parts- he still has romantic feelings towards her and acts upon them which turns out to be his downfall.

Last words

Is Fresh an important film? Not really. Does it have an important message? Yes. And that message is: Don't give your phone number to strangers you meet at the grocery store!

[samahrium]

Lo-Fi Music and the Pandemic.

Is it elevator music? Is it music you listen to while studying? Is there picture of a girl studying on this YouTube Playlist; or maybe a really sad Bart Simpson? Is it what your friends suggest to chill to? Then you are probably talking about Lo-Fi (Low-Fidelity) music.

Lo-Fi music, I’ve learnt recently, refers to the way in which a certain track is recorded. In these tracks, you can hear the imperfections that would be considered “errors” in the recording process.

Turns out, Lo-Fi is good to listen to during a pandemic. No, really, it is the preferred genre of the pandemic. In fact, last month YouTube accidently shut down a popular Lo-Fi station and there was outrage about it on Twitter! So let’s get down lo(fi) into why people are streaming this endlessly repetitive beat.

Benefits of listening to Lo-Fi music

It’s calming: The truth is Lo-Fi music is extremely relaxing and soothing due to its predictability. Thanks to its highly repetitive pattern, our subconscious can easily predict what the next beat is going to sound like. During an uncertain time like the pandemic, predictability is exactly what most people need.

It can take you down memory lane: Lo-Fi generally has elements of 80′s hip-hop sounds and other sounds such as muffled voicemail or an analog synthesizer. This can take us through an aural journey into the past, without our realization. Generally there are no lyrics to these songs, no words to guide our mind to a certain path. So, if you want to get lost in thought, try out this beat.

It’s pretty diverse: The genre is generally referred to as lo-fi hip hop. However, artists have found new and interesting ways to evolve lo-fi in their own styles. It seems to me like artists around the world have found a way to make lo-fi their own. I’ve found Japanese Lo-Fi and Bollywood Lo-Fi to be both true to the genre and yet extremely different at the same time. Of course, not being a musician or an artist, I only talk about this in terms of my own taste and my personal understanding of its aesthetics. To me, Lo-Fi is like a color pink- it can be on a Rangoli or it can be a modern art painting. What I mean is, you can always find the “right” Lo-Fi fit for you.

It helps your mind focus: 86% of the listeners have seen an increase in their productivity and in their study habits. The ‘flaws’ in a lo-fi song actually help trigger the cerebrum into focus-mode. So when it seems impossible to concentrate on working-from-home, this music can set the mood for focusing on tasks.

To sum up, Lo-Fi music has definitely grown from “beats to study to” into something that people from different age groups enjoy. The calming, mellow nature of the beats (in most songs though not all) helps people focus, stay calm and flow into their thoughts.

[samahrium]

Quarantine Reviews - The Social Dilemma

The Social Dilemma is the most important documentary of our times.

Unless you live under a Wi-Fi disabled rock, you have likely heard of this new documentary offering by Netflix. In India, it’s already trending at #5.The Social Dilemma follows the journeys and opinions of industry insiders who believe that social media platforms have turned into a Frankenstein’s Monster that none of its creators intended it to be. For the purpose of this review, I will not be focusing on what the documentary is about but rather the narrative style, film-making, video editing, art direction and other aspects of the documentary. In other words, this review focuses on how the documentary has been structured rather than what it says. 

[Of course I will summarize the essence of the documentary, but judging by the trending list, this might be one documentary on everyone’s must-watch.]

Right off the bat, this documentary wins for the mere fact that it pooled in experts from Silicon Valley who worked to create, design and monetize Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and other platforms. They also interviewed Dr.Anna Lembke who is the Medical Director of Addiction Medicine at Stanford University. This goes to show that when they talk about social media addiction, it isn’t hyperbole. She talks about the biological aspect of why people get easily addicted to social media.

The story is told in two worlds, the “interview world”, where these experts are talking to viewers directly. And a “fictional family world”, where a family on a steady social media diet is used as an example of its dire consequences. They are interwoven mostly through cross-cuts (also called as parallel editing).

The opening sequence of the documentary establishes the talking heads- experienced high-level insiders from Facebook,Google etc. However, the interviewers still seem a bit “off-the-record”. They’re not yet in the “formal structured interview space” of talking to the camera. Many of them are holding the clapperboard. The documentary continues this style of “rehearsal” bytes later on as Tristan Harris is on a stage, seeming to be rehearsing a presentation about Ethics in Social Media.

In parallel to the interviews runs a fictional story of an American family of five and their normal lives intertwined with social media.The youngest daughter is a social media addict .The oldest daughter is the conscience of the family who knows that social media is bad. And the middle child, the son named Ben, is an average Joe who later gets hooked on to political propaganda due to social media.

Back in the “interview world” ,Tristan Harris recants his time as a Design Ethicist  (Yes that is the job title) at Google for Gmail. As he talks about his journey of questioning the moral responsibility of Google towards the users of Gmail, the video shifts to an animation style that is generally used in animated explainer videos. Nowhere else is this animation style used. My guess is maybe they weren’t allowed to use footage of the actual Google HQ.

The ficitional family is used to as an example to drive home the points that the interviewees are making. All the interviewees speak in a very factual fashion, which does not ignite much emotion. However, if the audience is shown a narrative of an ordinary family who’ve become sad, irritated or happy because social media is altering their behavior, it becomes easier for the audience to relate to.There is a sequence about how the personal data collection is used to alter or predict behavior. For example, in one scene, we see the teenager, Ben, scrolling through his phone at school. The video moves to a personification of the AI tracking Ben’s every move. In the office where his holographic body floats and a team of predictive AI decide what would be the best thing to show the kid next. This part kind of makes your stomach turn to be honest.

To push in the point of “addiction” to social media, the filmmakers combine interviewees talking about how they themselves are addicted to social media with cut-away shots of a dilated pupil and the ka-ching sound of a slot machine.

As the story goes on, the interviewees gets to the heart of the problem- disinformation. 

This is the nefarious part of the documentary where they point out how the “truth” for one person is completely based on the algorithm shown to them.  This goes for “silly” conspiracies about the world being flat, to real-world violence and chaos due to political polarization being fed to users. This saddening truth is no longer a conspiracy or a what if, but a reality. 

As the documentary concludes, the audience is shown that the interviewers aren’t a bunch of alarmists at all. In fact they view this as a problem to be fixed. They want to make social media humane. They stand by the fact that social media can only become better with stricter regulations.There is a lot of hopeful “all-is-not-lost” background music played toward the end as the interviewees talk about this. 

[samahrium]

Django Unchained is a Love Story

Set in the backdrop of the slave trade and a deeply racist southern America, Django Unchained is actually a love story. Yes, it might be categorized as a Revisionist Western. But at its heart is the journey of Django Freeman back to his wife Broomhilda Von Shaft. Since I have never learnt much about Black History (Except from TV shows and movies) I wouldn’t  be doing justice to the cultural context that it takes place in. I would rather keep my review to the story line instead of the glaring inequalities that existed during the time.

Dr.Schultz, a bounty hunter, “frees” Django from Slave sellers. The unlikely partnership of Dr.Schultz and Django begins because he needs the latter to identify his previous owners, and kill them. From there, Schultz feels sympathy for Django’s story of lost love and decides to help him get his wife back from Calvin Candie- the owner of a cotton plantation named ‘Candyland.’

The “Hero’s Journey” template is used in this story. This is the structure for stories that involve a hero who goes on an adventure, is victorious in a decisive crisis, and comes home changed or transformed. Django transforms from a slave to a ‘Freeman”. He becomes someone who takes control of his destiny. At first, he is nudged by his German partner into realizing he too is an “equal”. This showcased in many instances, especially when Dr.Schultz lets Django ride on a horse. Even after his partner’s death, Dango takes fate into his own hands, gets his lady love, destroys Candyland and does a few horse tricks to make his free wife giggle; thus fulfilling the journey.

The movie uses the “Damsel in Distress” trope quite well. This trope involves a persecuted maiden, or princess in jeopardy who is usually beautiful, innocent, helpless and young.

Simplicity is an important part of this film. It is only through a simple story line that a complex web of race-related power structures  could shine through. Kerry Washington (Broomhilda) might not have many lines, but her expressions are captivating just the same. 

The most nail-biting, heart racing drama doesn’t happen on the cotton fields but at the dinner table. It’s a worthy climax scene. The scene is set in such a way that Dr.Schultz and Django have hoodwinked Calvin Candie and his associates into thinking they are here to purchase a Mandingo Fighter. But in reality, they are here to purchase Broomhilda from Candie. Calvin buys the whole thing but his trusted Black butler realises there is more than meets the eye. He provokes Django by showing Broomhilda’s whip -marked back at the dinner table. Gazes are interpreted deftly as the drama unfolds. Even then, things are still quite stable and manageable, till the whole thing falls apart in a dramatic and violent manner, all because of Candie’s ego. 

Star-crossed lovers are a tale as old as time and for a reason too. It’s the noblest cause for a broken heart. Like I said, the entire film is about Django’s journey back to his wife. The rest are mere details, however barbaric.  

[samahrium]

Reviews That No One Asked For: Frances Ha

This is a story about friendship. This is a story about being broke even though you are an adult. This is a story about how silly it is to get a degree in dancing, of all things. This is a story where everyone talks too much. This is a story about the “Urban Poor” (Though, I think this story was told much before this term was coined.) 

This, is a story about being happy anyway.

Though the main character’s - Frances’ - life was falling apart, she still had a skip in her step and a smile on her face.

There are so many themes and things and observations in the film that one can talk about (as outlined in the first paragraph), but what really stands out is the female camaraderie between Sophie and Frances, or rather the lack of it.

Frances pines for Sophie’s attention and can’t help but bring her up in conversations with random strangers. While Frances is broke, lonely and still chasing her dream of becoming a successful dancer; Sophie seems to have it all including a serious boyfriend, a great apartment and a successful career. What makes it stand out from other stories that explore the friendship between girls (like the series Girls or Sex And The City) is that it gives it the same importance as a romantic relationship. The rejection hurts just as much. I think that rejection is central to friendships. This movie is about Frances dealing with being ignored and rejected by her best friend (at least that’s what I think!)

What I don’t understand is why this movie is called a comedy-drama. Not once did I even find a chuckle or even a smirk across my face while watching it. The movie is “feel-good” because of the protagonist’s attitude towards life, not because there’s any comedy happening. Or maybe the situations that she goes through- lying to her friends about going on a dance tour when she is actually waitressing, deciding on a whim to leave the city, living a bizarrely different life when she is in her home town - are just the sign of our times. This is what people in their mid and late 20s live like nowadays, making it the new normal.

Side note: I think Adam Driver was wasted here, but it was probably one of his first few roles.

[samahrium]

my blood boils hot iron hits my mind and i see only a white light the next thing I know everything is shattered. --- Something Hulk would say...

[samahrium]

Every day

we tell a story

to ourselves

about ourselves.

It can be a simple story

like “I Hate Mondays”

or a complicated one

“ Because I was laughed at in school

for giving a wrong answer

20 years later, I loathe public speaking. 

[samahrium]

Are you coming or have you changed your mind Did you decide to leave me behind It gets difficult to unwind Knowing that you might cancel my ride. - Poem to an Uber

[samahrium]

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara - The sound of a vacation

This post was originally an assignment for my Sound Design class. I found it to fit my blog,so I decided to post it publicly)

Vacation movies do well because they do more than weaving in good plot and characters- they let the viewer take a trip with them. Films like Eat, Pray Love , When In Rome or Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants have us drooling at their exotic location. Zoya Akhter’s Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (ZNMD) uses the vacation vibe. An escape, an adventure.

Mise en scene - playing with the sound

Sparking the wanderlust with Spain’s beautiful long-winded roads among sunlit hills, the sound should sing with the visuals. To me, that is what ZNMD does. What is Spain without Spanish interludes? The most pleasant parts of the movies, Kabir’s Pethras (pranks), are covered by a signature interlude that captures the mischievousness of the characters and the liveliness of the location. 

The vacation is the broader context of the film that ties it together. But the reason the trip is important to each character- Kabir, Arjun and Imraan- reveals their emotional conflicts.  Each part of it has a pocket of emotion that is accentuated by the background music. In some places, the music does get dramatic. This is the case with the flashbacks of Arjun and his ex-girlfriend. After all, we Bollywood goers are suckers for the emotion, and the background score gives us just that.

Defining spaces with sound

ZNMD isn’t one of those movies that is confined to two or three spaces. Throughout the movie, the trio is on the road, in hotel rooms, at different restaurants or at their adventure sport sites.

The hotel rooms have very little ambience sound. There is little space for any kind of extra sound in these scenes anyway as they have enough foley and cut-to-cut dialogs like Imraan’s quips, Kabir’s peace-making and Arjun’s incessant need to be on the phone. Scenes in cafes have clinking of cups and chatter.  Exterior locations are more vibrant with the soft chirping of birds. Since the three are mostly driving around, the low hum of the car also adds to their conversation. When the three meet in the hotel for the first time, there is a soft background music running through the scene. That kind of music is what anyone who has ever been to a hotel reception would have heard. Here, it is deftly used not just as an ambience but also as background music for the scene. This is the reason I felt that the sound keeps up and assists the pacing of the film.

As discussed before, emotions are brought using sound. When Imraan and Kabir are walking around the streets, there is a Spanish instrumental playing. This gives feeling of exploration. The feeling of exploration through music also happens in many Hollywood vacation flicks.  However, when Imraan reaches his father’s shop, the mood and background music changes completely. This is a personal moment for Imraan and the audience is privy to it through his facial expression and the background music. Sounds also help the characters reminisce. Arjun’s phone ringing might be an irritant to his friends, but to Arjun, it brings memories of how his ex-girlfriend left him because he couldn’t make time for her. Similarly, clinking of glasses is about celebration but also the first thing Kabir thinks of when he remembers how he accidentally proposed to Natasha.

There is also the cultural context of the space that needs to be considered. On the one hand, the sounds of Spain has a cultural relevance. A festival in Spain would sound very different from a festival in India. The Tomatina festival has a cheering crowd, and the squishy splatter of tomatoes throwing around. But since we have never had something like this in India, we find it to be believable yet unfamiliar. On the other hand, Imraan’s home in Mumbai has the ambience of vehicles and birds that one might hear in a Mumbai morning. It is more familiar to an Indian audience.

Use of elements in sound

In my opinion, each adventure sport stood for an element- Deep water diving was water, sky diving was air and bull racing was earth. The completion of each adventure led to catharsis of one of the characters.The sound too dwells in the personal moments of the character with relevance to the story.

The first adventure, i.e deep water diving, was a time of reflection for Arjun. Before he is about to going, all the other noise tunes out and all we can hear are heartbeats. Since the audience knows that this task is the hardest for Arjun, the heart beats are associated to him. I personally feel that as a Bollywood film, the heartbeat works well. It is subtle but leaves goosebumps for the listener as they take the dive with Arjun. When he comes out of the water, there is complete silence except for the rising and falling of the waves and his breathing. In this moment, the three of them don’t speak. They are all looking at the water and there is complete silence. This goes with the theme that water denotes reflection. I wouldn’t have liked it if there was loud emotional music or adrenaline pumping music playing in the background. Arjun got over a fear that he thought he would have in his life forever. He realised that things can change in life and there is no need to be rigid all the time.

The second adventure sport was sky diving. As it denotes the element of air, there is emphasis on wind, like a falling object would hear it. As the scene starts, we can hear the hum of the aircraft. The hum is louder from outside and lesser heard inside. Imraan finds himself to be the last one to jump off the plane, needing a push at the very end. Again, we hear his heart racing, showing  that this is his greatest fear. We are engulfed by the sound of Imraan screaming against the rush of the wind. Once he settles into his parachute, the wind sounds more serene. It isn’t as scary as he thought it would be. The skydiving adventure shows bonding. Imraan and Arjun finally put their differences aside, as each has overcome their greatest fear.  This is not a moment for silence but for celebration. When Imraan hits the ground, his two friends hug him and cheer for completing the adventure of  lifetime.

Finally, there is bull racing as element of earth, This is different from the previous scene where the trio were onlookers to bull racing. Now, they are at the center of the mayhem. We start with the ambience of a pumped up crowd. We already know that something big is about to happen and the crowd adds to the excitement. The rockets flying serve as cues for when the bulls are let out.  As the bulls are set free, we hear them charging towards our characters at full speed. The crowd grows louder. Fast paced background music takes over. Our heroes shout and run as fast as they can.  As you may have noticed, sound has a lot to do with getting the energy up for this scene. As it shoulders the responsibility of being the emd to the whole saga, the sound also is climatic, ending the movie on a high note

Poetry as narration

Along with background music and great dialogs, the use of poetry in this film is like no other in recent times. The context of having a poetic narration is established since Imraan is a poet and the narration is in his voice. However, this is such an integral part of the movie that even the end scene has him reciting a poem, wrapping up the joy ride vacation with words of wisdom about life.

[samahrium]

Young Frankenstein: where the actress and the monster have some consensual sex (and it was made in the 70’s!)

Like all good things, I came across this film on a Cracked article. It was included in a list of best comedic moments in cinema. If you are a lover of goofiness and one-liners, you must watch it.

A story about a third generation Frankenstein, it has little or nothing to do with the original. Frederick Frankenstein (he likes it to be pronounced as Fra-nk-en-steen) wants to erase his “cookoo” grandfathers legacy while making his own mark in the world of medicine. However, he learns that he has inherited grand-daddy's property and can’t help but follow his footsteps.

Here are the things I learnt from this movie:

Boob jokes: they enjoyed female body part jokes then as much as they do now. Maybe it can’t give Grand Masti a run for its money (thank god for that) but it still has some cringe worthy heavy-petting sequences.

Puns: There is one perfectly timed pun in this movie. Don't read, watch the clip. Walk this way as in walk in this direction as opposed to walk in the style I'm walking. It is a small joke thrown out at an unnecessary moment but that joke had more power than the creators gave it credit for.

This scene was also the inspiration for the Aerosmith song, Walk This Way. See, history in the making this film is.

Association: Whenever the Frau’s name is called, the horse’s start making noise. This random connection makes it fun for some reason. This is a huge joke in the movie, and the reason it was in the Cracked article in the first place!

Consensual sex between the monster and the actress: Love is always fuel for good humor. The actress achieves it twice- the sequence where she doesn’t want to be touched by Frankensteen because she just went to the parlor and the sequence where Frankenstein’s monster kidnaps her for a raunchy night in the woods. As she says, 7th time is a charm. This unlikely love story adds humour to the script.

Just amazing performances: Marty Feldmen and Gene Wilder could make me laugh by just looking at each other. It took me a while to realise Gene Wilder is this guy.

                                              Ehehe. K Bye.

[samahrium]

They noted down her fall from grace

Reported that she’s back to her old ways

Concocted new stories of her going stray

Resorted to making her pay for her “mistakes”

[samahrium]

[samahrium]

Texting at a wedding

College Group Chat (10/5/2016, 10:00 A.M.)

Veena: YOU ARE ALL INVITED TO THE NUPTIALS BETWEEN VEENA VASU AND HER BELOVED FIANCÉ, ANIL SHARMA. PLEASE NOTE THE DETAILS OF THE WEDDING BELOW:

VENUE: SHAHI WEDDING HALL

DATE: 15/5/2016

TIME: 1:00 P.M. ONWARDS

GIFTS IN THE FORM OF BLESSINGS ONLY.

RSVP IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO BRING A PLUS ONE.

HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL THERE!

image

Chat With Varsha (10/5/2016, 10:01 A.M.)

Trisha: Dude!

Trisha: Duuuuudeeeee!!!

Varsha: IKR! The first college wedding.

Trisha: Well, if I had had to guess, I would have guessed it would be Veena and Anil. They’ve been together since the stoneage or smth. 

Varsha: It is really sweet. They are kind of meant-for-each-other. Think of all the nice stories they will tell their children!

Trisha: Yeah, like when the lecturer caught them trying to get to second base. Sweet memories. 

Varsha: You always have to be a cynic. I am still a believer.

Trisha: I know.

Varsha: I can finally wear that peach lehenga that I’ve been saving for a special occasion. It is going to be great seeing the old gang again!

Trisha: Hmm..

Varsha: Oh shit! I’m so sorry Trish, I forgot! Gaurav is going to be there. This must be hard for you.

Trisha: What? Why would it be hard for me?

Varsha: Because you guys didn’t end on good terms! Didn’t he leave you for that Chemistry lab assistant?

Trisha: Rumoured to. I think he just left me for himself. He’s too self involved to love anyone else. Anyway, it has been two years Varsha. This might be hard for you to believe, but I have moved on since then. Way on.

Varsha: Really? I didn’t know you were dating again.

Trisha: I’m not...... I don’t need to date someone else to prove that I’m over him!!

Varsha: If you say so. I’m bringing Raj. It’s been only four months but we have a connection. Plus he is very photogenic.

Trisha: Hey I gtg feed my cat. 

Veena: Okay!Don’t forget to RSVP with Veena! Bye!

 Chat With Veena (10/5/2016, 10:10 A.M.)

Trisha: Congrats Veena! I’ll most def see you at the wedding!

Veena: Thanks so much Trisha :) You’re coming alone, right?

Veena: Hello?

Trisha: Hey! Sorry got a bit busy with work. I will be bringing a date to your wedding. So yes, I require a plus one. Can’t wait! See you there!

Chat With Varsha (10/5/2016, 10:12 A.M.)

Trisha: Sooooo...Veena thinks I’m not capable enough of finding a man who loves me.

Varsha: What! She said that to you?!

Trisha: Well, not in so many words.

Varsha: I can’t believe it! I’m gonna take her down!

Trisha: No!

Trisha: Don’t do that!

Trisha: Okay, not in any words. It was implied though! 

Chat With Varsha (15/5/2016, 01:20 P.M.)

Varsha: Trishhhhh! Where are you? I don’t want to go take a picture without you.

Trisha: Yeah, I’m on my way.

Varsha: Come soon! I’m standing next to Veena’s mother. She won’t stop going on about the gold bracelet Anil’s family gifted her. Save me! Did you bring a date?

Trisha: Ummm...in a manner of speaking.

Trisha: I got Ali.

Varsha: Ali? That name sounds familiar, Have you mentioned him before? Is he the cute guy from your office?

Trisha: Umm, clearly you never listen to anything I say. I mention him all the time.

Varsha: What! How is that even possible! Okay, I’m sorry that my memory can be fickle sometimes. Can’t wait to meet him!

Trisha: Great! I’m right outside the hall.

Varsha: Where!

Varsha: I don’t see you! Too many people at this wedding! Wave your hand.

Varsha: Oh! I see you! I’m near the Badam Milk counter. But I don’t see your date. What is that in your hand. OMG TRISHA DID YOU BRING YOUR CAT AS A DATE?!

Chat With Gaurav (15/5/2016, 01:30 P.M.)

Gaurav: Okay Trisha, if you had to prove a point, you have proven it.

Trisha: What are you talking about, Gaurav? Why are you even texting me? Just have fun catching up with your guy gang.

Gaurav: Oh, I was. Till you walked in with that cat. Seriously, Trisha. Who brings a cat as a wedding date?

Trisha: At least my cat won’t leave me for a lab assistant.

Gaurav: Get over it.

Trisha: Dude, what is your problem?

Gaurav: My problem is that you are embarrassing me!

Trisha: Are you sure it is me who is embarrassing you and not the ridiculous velvet suit you are wearing? Who do you think you are, Hugh Hefner?

Gaurav: You clearly brought this cat to garner sympathy,. Be the Cat Lady! And who gets blamed for turning you into a Cat Lady? Your ex, aka, ME. I’m responsible for shattering your self esteem and clearly leading you to a point of mental breakdown. So thanks. Thanks for making me the villain of the party.

Chat With Varsha (15/5/2016, 01:35 P.M.)

Trisha: So Gaurav is still a pretentious prick. Check the screenshot.

Varsha: Whoa! He seems really mad. But he is right, who brings a cat to a wedding? Are you making some kind of statement? Is this about feminism?

Trisha: What? No! I’m starting to think you don’t know what feminism is. I forgot to ask someone out as a date to this stupid thing. And I couldn’t find a sitter for Ali. So I thought, might as well bring him along. I thought people would love this cute furball!

Varsha: Well, Veena has been giving threatening looks to your cute furball. Ali jumping on the fish frys at the buffet table isn’t helping your case.

Trisha: Yeah, But the kids love him. They are playing with him now, I think she is Veena’s sister. I can finally get some food. You want to go to the women’s restroom and freshen up?

Varsha: Oh you don’t want to go there. Anil’s mother is there. She lost her bracelet. She has been interrogating the wedding guests and checking their bags for the past half an hour.

Chat With Varsha (15/5/2016, 01:50 P.M.)

Trisha: Finally got some food for my self. The fat waiter manning the chicken kebabs is so stingy. He refused to give me more than one. Like literally I asked can I get one more and he said “No.” Who does that!

Varsha: The same thing happened to me. That kebab waiter acts as if he is guarding the Mona Lisa or smth.

Trisha: There’s probably a dearth of kebabs because he ate all of them. Stupid fatso.

Chat With Varsha (15/5/2016, 02:00 P.M.)

Varsha: You’re so screwed. Lol. Veena is going to have your head on a stake.

Trisha: That poor sister of hers. How was I to know she is allergic to cats!

Chat With Veena (15/5/2016, 02:00 P.M.)

Veena: Trisha. Why are you out to ruin my wedding? How could you give that animal to my sister! She is allergic to cats! Look at her face now. It’s as red as a tomato. It is going to ruin all the pictures.

Trisha: Veena, I am really sorry! I didn’t know she was allergic or I wouldn’t let her take Ali! She didn’t tell me!

Veena: What were you thinking getting that cat.

Veena: Did you want to steal my spotlight? Get more FB likes on MY WEDDING DAY than I would?

Trisha: No! You can keep the likes!

Veena: I’m sorry, but I’m going to ask you to leave. And take that animal with you. 

Trisha: His name is Ali. And he won’t cause any more trouble. 

Veena: If you don’t leave now, I WILL have security come and escort you out.

Trisha: Geez. Bridezilla much? Fine I will get out of your way. I will leave.

Trisha: As soon as I find Ali.

Veena: Tell me you’re joking!

Trisha: I just put him down to text you. He must be here somewhere.

Trisha: I just heard someone screaming at the buffet table. He must be there.

Trisha: Okay he is scratching the kebab waiter. He probably refused to give Ali some kebab. 

Trisha: Veena...Ali has something in his teeth..You have to see this.

Trisha: It is your mum’s gold bracelet!!

Chat With Varsha (15/5/2016, 02:15 P.M.)

Varsha: Looks like you and Ali are heroes! He nabbed the thief single-handedly! Or is it single-paw’edly?

Trisha: Yeah! That stupid kebab waiter totally fits the bill of someone who would try to steal a bracelet at a wedding. 

Varsha: Yeah! Too bad Veena still kicked you out.

Trisha: I don’t think she was keen on sharing the attention. It’s fine. 

Varsha: Yeah, but her mother was sad to see Ali go. Anyway, I’ll text you the pictures later. Bye!

Trisha: Bye!

[samahrium]

Another Night

Khaled spent the better part of his days telling himself that his dreams could never come true. He spent the rest of the time he had left complaining about traffic, working a desk job, getting annoyed with the noisy bachelor living above his apartment for playing loud music and yelling at his girlfriend, watching TV for two hours every night and sleeping right after that. It’s a routine that hasn't changed in three months. It’s a routine I know because I have been watching him closely. I have been observing him for the past three months, without his knowledge of course. I can now safely say that this has been the most boring three months of my life. Did I say of my life? Oh, that was a mistake: I meant to say of my death. 

  I am his (dead) wife: The Late Tamara Khaled. I’m not a ghost, no. I could never be something that dramatic, even in my afterlife. But when my body died, it left a residue behind. I’m like sound waves, energy particles–or some science-y stuff like that–drifting about, not knowing where to go. I like to think of myself as a conscience; a part of Tamara that has no body–neither an opaque body nor a transparent one. A part of Tamara with some amount of cognitive ability to observe what is going on. And what was going on? Nothing. That’s the problem with choosing an introverted, simple, south Indian husband, there are no skeletons in his closet. Trust me, I’ve looked. The other day, when he bought a lady’s perfume, I thought–finally, something interesting is happening. While riding up on the elevator, he tried to hide the plastic bag with the perfume from Raakidh, the bachelor from upstairs, and his girlfriend. Raakidh was a big, burly guy and didn’t seem very interested in the contents of the bag, anyway. His girlfriend tried to take a peek at what he was hiding, but kept nervously glancing at Raakidh. Maybe Khaled was going to give it to his mistress? For an average guy, Khaled was good looking, so I wasn’t surprised that a woman would be interested in him. That day, I did feel a little jealous. I thought: That wretched woman! That home-wrecker! I would pull her hair and slap her in public if I had had hands right now! However, Khaled didn’t give it to any woman. I thought: Maybe it was for him to use. Does he like wearing women’s perfume? Did he like smelling like a woman? It’s strange that this fetish went unobserved by me in the five years that we were married. But it wasn’t that either. Khaled just sprayed it around the room and sat in silence. I took a closer look at the bottle: it was called Silver Rain. It was the perfume that I used to wear. 

I always thought I would die in some dumb way like a gas leak or Ebola. Now that it did happen, I don’t remember how I died. I have a sort of amnesia, where I remember everything except how I died. There’s a missing piece there. The suspense of the details of my death was killing me. But soon I pieced it together from whenever Khaled spoke about it. Apparently I had died in a case of a burglary gone wrong. Someone had tried to burgle the house, I was just there at the wrong time. The assailant bludgeoned me on the head and fled, they never caught him. 

His mom, my mother-in-law, dropped by every few weeks to make sure he was still functional. She wasn’t one of those over-protective mothers, which is probably why she and I used to get along, but she was still worried about Khaled. They rarely spoke, he used to either read the newspaper or look at his phone while she watched some TV serials. She couldn’t concentrate on her serial today, because music was blaring from the bachelor apartment upstairs. She gave up on her serial and her eyes shifted to Khaled. “Do you still miss her?” she asked. “Hmm?” Khaled looked up from his phone. He didn’t seem to know how to answer that but I could see the sadness in his eyes. He gave a short nod. I would have buried myself in his arms if I hadn't already been buried in the mosque grounds. “It’s very sad, what happened,” his mother continued,”the police did mention it could have been planned too. What do you think about that?" she asked. “What do I think about that? I think you’ve been watching to much CID,” he said and got back to his phone. 

A new night was upon my husband and he got ready to get into bed. Just as he got into bed, music started blaring. Khaled gritted his teeth and threw the sheets to the floor. He stormed upstairs and banged on Raakhid’s door. His girlfriend opened it, Khaled was ready to yell, but he saw that she was crying. There were bruises on her face. Khaled composed himself. “Miss, can you please turn the music down,” he said. She looked at him nervously and said, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. I’m really sorry.” I could see Khaled felt bad for her, he said, “He can’t treat you like that. Let me talk to him.” Her face changed and then she came near his ear, so near that he could smell her scent, it was Silver Rain. “No. He’ll do to you what he did to her.” That was all I heard till a blinding light took me. I was still in the apartment building. But Khaled wasn’t here. I saw myself. I saw my alive self, walking into the apartment building and waiting at the elevator door. I heard thunder and lightening. My alive self was drenched. Raakidh and his girlfriend got into the elevator with me. My keys were out, I wanted to get out quick and change out of my clothes before I could catch a cold. My alive self wasn’t paying attention to what Raakidh and his girlfriend were saying, but could feel things get heated up.  Suddenly he slapped his girlfriend. She fell to the floor and cried. I looked at her lying on the elevator floor. Then I turned to Raakidh angrily, “How dare you do that? You pig!  Apologise immediately. I’ll get you evicted from this building.” Before I knew it, he had hit me on the head with an umbrella. Everything went dim, and then came into focus. Like as if I opened my eyes after a dream. I was back in the present. Raakidh was handcuffed and getting taken in by a policeman. The girl stood near Khaled, shivering. Khaled looked at her and said,”You have to tell the police what you told me.” She nodded,”He killed Mrs.Khaled in the elevator. It was an accident. She was trying to defend me and got in the way of his rage. Then he dragged her body to her house, the keys were in her hand. He ransacked the place, to make it look like a robbery. We sold most of the things, but also kept some things, like the perfume.."

 I was happy that I had died defending a girl, I was like a hero. My husband of course would never agree with that. He would think I was being stupid. He didn’t try to be the hero here. He quietly slipped away and called the police, which was the smart thing to do, now that I think about it. I watched Khaled get back to bed. He stared at the fan. Something felt different inside me. Everything was becoming blurry. I watched his eyes blink, slower and slower, taking longer blinks each time. I felt the weight of his blinks. My attention from the world of the alive waned. As he put his eyes to rest, I fell asleep too.

Image

[samahrium]