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sammyjoeee · 6 months ago

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GIMME GIMME PT 2

IDWT$: Part One

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Stripper!OFC

Warnings: smut(will give warnings in part two), swearing, angst, fluff, talks of mental abuse

Summary: Raven arrives in Los Angeles with only a suitcase after running from her past with the dream of becoming a clinical psychologist for patients recovering from addictions. Solitarily steadfast on her path to success, she lands a job at a seedy strip club Bad Decisions.

A chance meeting with Bad Omens during their video shoot for The Death of Peace of Mind brings Raven one step closer to making her dream a reality. Unexpected feelings arise between her and the director/vocalist Noah. As she ascends to the top, she wonders if mixing business and pleasure is all worth it.

Authors Notes: well after nine months of writing it, here is part one! I realized it was easier to split the large one shot. Please enjoy! This is based off of the first manipulative day dream I had of Noah. I will tag anyone that wants to be tagged for part two! Not exactly sure when that will be but hopefully not too long!

Tags: @artificialbreezy @blueskylinesx

RAVEN

“You’re worthless. You’ll never amount to anything.”

“You look pathetic right now. Begging me to stay with you. Get a fucking grip.”

“You think I actually cared about you? Please, Raven, you were nothing more than a hole to fuck.”

I sat up in bed with a start, chest heaving with each deep breath, doing my best to center myself again. My eyes darted around the dark space encased around me, the familiar scent of my outlet freshener and the variety of colors from my plants on the stand in front of the large window told me what I desperately needed to know.

I was in my loft apartment. In Los Angeles. Away from him and safe from his lash.

Running a shaking hand through my hair, I tossed off the thick olive green comforter and let my feet drop to the aged hardwood floor to drag myself over to the kitchen. My throat felt dry and constricted, my sobs being cut off by the phantom feeling of his fingers around my throat. It had been a long while since I found myself back in that place but now, almost a year later in my new life, the old one started to creep its way around me like a snake, sinking its fangs in deep.

Nearly choking on the water as it ran down my throat, little droplets dripping off my chin, I set the cup on the counter and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I had been better about not letting what I went through debilitate me in starting my new life but with the text I received earlier from an unknown number, all of the walls I spent so long building began to crumble.

I miss you. Come home.

Home? I chuckled darkly at that word. Our home was a mere memory lost in translation ever since I found him in bed with some random girl. He didn’t even stop thrusting into her when he saw me standing in the doorway of our bedroom, shock, and disgust evident on my face. He just kept fucking her all while keeping his eyes locked on me, further pushing her face into the mattress. After that night, I packed up all of my shit that somehow managed to fit in one suitcase and bought a one-way plane ticket to the first available flight, which just so happened to be Los Angeles.

I had plenty of money saved up from my parents' will when they died suddenly in a car crash a few years ago so the aspect of being homeless and jobless didn’t scare me nearly as much as it did. I stayed in a hotel for the first month until I was able to find this apartment for rent; the price wasn’t pretty but it was manageable. Especially with the job I currently had.

Stripping wasn’t my favorite thing, but I was the first to admit it paid the bills and even enough to cover my school costs. It was my second semester at a local college and with the major I chose, I knew it would be a long while until I was finished.

Psychology. Why I didn’t go for an easier major was beyond my knowledge but I loved my brain being challenged that way; studying the deeper parts of life and the human mind.

With an echoing sigh, I shuffled my feet over to the couch in my open space living room and plopped down on it. Sleep was evidently out of the question so I figured to pass the time by checking my school emails. The time on my phone read it was just after midnight and my psychology professor said earlier in class that she would be sending out an email regarding our upcoming field trip. It was to the California Science Center next week and we needed to pay for it ourselves. This wouldn’t have been an issue with my job but it was the end of the month which already was pretty tight for me. I could have asked Joan, my boss, if I could work a few extra parties at the club but the ones that already were booked ahead of time had dancers assigned.

Just as I suspected, the email mentioned once again needing to have the funds for the trip by next Monday morning; today was technically Tuesday morning so I had a week to figure out how I would find the extra money. Biting my lip, I let the luminescent glow from my laptop screen guide me into searching the local help wanted ads on the Nextdoor website.

A soft breeze from my open window brushed along the bareness of my long legs so I hastily reached for a blanket, covering my lower half with it. My entire apartment was cloaked in darkness except for the glow from my laptop and the dull orange light from the lamppost outside. Typically it was blanketed in teal neon lights due to the strip of bulbs that ran the length of my ceiling but I turned them off when I fell asleep. It always covered my entire apartment in a color that reminded me of fall, something I loved when I moved here. It may not have been in the best of neighborhoods of Los Angeles but it was my home now and I relished in it.

I spent a good while browsing the help wanted ads, but nothing seemed to pop out at me for quick cash and I was ready to give up, defeated when one final ad caught my eye.

Models wanted for a video shoot. Only needed for the day and will receive payment once completed. No experience is needed but will need a photo and resume.

Orie McGinness.

As my cursor hovered over the ad, I bit the inside of my cheek while highly considering that this might be a serial killer's ad for his next victim. So with quick thinking, I searched up the name to find out that this guy actually directed quite a few different music videos for a variety of artists.

“Ok so even though you seem legit, that doesn’t mean you’re not going to murder me,” I muttered under my breath.

The longer I stared at the ad, it taunted me with its words, and without a second thought, I clicked on it to begin filling out the needed information.

“I probably shouldn’t have done this but fuck it,” I shrugged once I attached my resume to the provided email.

That was the easy part. What wasn’t so easy was choosing which selfie to attach. Currently, my roots were growing over my vibrant teal hair so I couldn’t take one which meant the next best option was to choose one from my old stock; not like I had many to choose from.

Deciding on the one I took the other day, I mewled over it for a few extra seconds, assessing to make sure everything was perfect. I was sitting on the floor in front of the large mirror in my apartment, legs stretched wide, showcasing the sleeve on my left leg. The designs weren’t important, just something I thought looked cool. My teal hair cascaded down to the middle of my back as I peered over my shoulder, holding my phone up with my right hand. The tattoos peppered over both my arms shined bright from the sunset that broke its rays through my windows, casting me in an array of orange, purple, and gold. The olive green sundress I wore did wonders for my skin tone.

It was one of my favorite pictures of me and I knew it would be a great choice. I wasn’t sure what they needed but thought I might as well show off all of myself.

Well, not all of me. If they wanted to see that, they could come to Bad Decisions and ask for me.

Not wanting to second guess myself, I attached the picture with the resume, typed out a quick message then hit send. I stared at the laptop screen for a few long moments, trying to ignore the pestering voice inside my head.

You’re going to get murdered. You’re going to get murdered.

Slapping my laptop shut, I set it on the coffee table then maneuvered myself over the clean piles of clothes that were scattered on my floor yet to be put away, and crawled into bed. Tuesdays were my off days from school and work so I already planned on doing my house chores, no matter how much it teased me.

Once I was settled under the pile of blankets and pillows, I breathed in content, ready to let the dark slumber envelop me once again. My body began to feel weightless, a dream state filling the ends of my vision and when I felt myself beginning to slip under, my phone buzzed on my end table causing me to jump in bed with a start. I clutched my chest with a hand while the other reached for my phone, shaky breaths filling the apartment.

When I saw the word “unknown” my heart sank to the depths of my gut, fearing he texted me again. However, when I clicked on the message, the sudden chill that took over my body dissipated, a feeling of pure elation and albeit surprise filled me.

Unknown: Hi, this is Noah Sebastian of Bad Omens. Normally, I’d have a member of our production team reach out, but I wanted to formally give you the news that Orie and I have looked at your resume and portfolio and think you would be a great fit for the position we need to fill on this music video we are shooting.

Please let us know if you are interested in accepting the offer. All details via payment and instructions will be given if you should decide to accept the offer.

I’ll send you an address where we can expect you on Thursday at 10 a.m.

Unknown: Also, I apologize if I woke you with this text. I wanted to make sure you had enough time to prepare before Thursday. Can’t wait to meet you.

Another message came through, this one was a pinpoint location that I assumed was where I had to meet them. After quickly investigating, I found out it was a large warehouse with a pool in the back, ones that people rented out for movie scenes, music videos, and photo shoots.

“Well, at least it's a professional setting where I’m going to be murdered,” I chuckled to myself before typing out a response to Noah.

Me: Thank you so much! I am interested in accepting the offer and look forward to meeting you guys as well. And don’t worry about the time, I was up anyway.

Ok, it wasn’t a complete lie. Yes, I was about to fall asleep but I had been wide awake when I sent in the email before; thirty minutes ago. This meant these two guys, Orie and Noah, were also up, going through what I assumed were countless resumes.

I’d been so excited that I was offered the job that I didn’t even realize they wanted me to meet them twenty minutes after my morning class on Thursday let out; halfway across town. The location I had to meet them was only a few blocks from my apartment but from campus, it was at least a twenty-minute Uber drive or thirty-minute bus trip. Since I didn’t own a car, not needing one because of living in the city, I always got around by Uber or the bus.

Well, let’s hope I don’t make a terrible first impression by being late.

I thought to myself as I set my phone down to bury myself under my blankets again, a slight smile on my lips at the prospect of this new day job.

NOAH

With an exhausted sigh, I gently tossed the iPad onto the couch next to me so I could run my hand through my hair. It'd been a long night of doing this exact action, over and over. The new shorter length was something I was still getting used to, not remembering the last time I had hair this short.

Orie adjusted his position on the chair across from me, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. We’d spent the last couple of hours going over potential models for the music video for The Death of Peace of Mind, finally narrowing down the first two. We needed one more but none of the resumes and pictures we had were cutting it. Ever the perfectionist, I needed whoever we chose for the last girl to be exactly what we were looking for. Her role was important in the video.

“I think we’ve gone through every single potential candidate three times, Noah,” Orie rubbed at the hair covering his chin. “Why don’t we call it for the night and pick it back up tomorrow?”

I shook my head, picking up the iPad again. “We have to figure this out before tomorrow so we can give the girls at least a twenty-four-hour advance notice.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Orie nodded with a short breath before looking down at his iPad. “I’ll send you the last few resumes I just received.”

Still slouched on the couch, I gruffed in response as I waited for him to send over the resumes. It was only six of them but better than none. My finger swiped lazily on the screen.

“No.” Swipe. “No.” Swipe. “No.” Swipe.

My breath caught in my throat when I froze, finger hovering over the screen of my iPad, and I sat straight up now. The richness of my eyes drank in the sight of the woman on the screen. Her long teal hair, her olive-tanned skin, the tattoos that covered so many parts of her, and the length of her legs as she sat in front of a large mirror. The beating of my heart was heavy and fast, I could feel it in my throat that it made it hard to breathe.; that or it was the fact how gorgeous this girl was. Just the sight of this picture alone was enough to take my breath away. Every nerve in my body was on fire, burning from my chest straight down to my dick, it twitching underneath the material of my sweatpants.

“Her,” was the only word I muttered while showing Orie the iPad.

With a raised brow, he took the iPad to look over the picture and resume; a slight pang of jealousy festering in my stomach. But I took a deep breath, knowing it was ridiculous to feel that way. This was basically a job interview, without interviewing the potential candidate.

Orie nodded with a smile. “I like her look, she’s perfect. Although, her resume is kind of sparse. Seems like she’s unemployed but going to school for psychology.”

I shrugged while taking back the iPad. “This isn’t a job at some law firm. It's for our music video. She doesn't need any prior experience.”

“What’s her name?” He wondered.

“Uh,” I peered down back at the screen, heart fluttering in my chest. “Raven.”

“Now that’s different,” Ories chuckled. “We can send her an email tomorrow to let her know she’s hired.”

“Might as well do it now,” I shrugged again. “She put her phone number in her email to text her.”

“You do realize what time it is right?” he said while rising to his feet, the bones in his knees popping from the stiffness of sitting for so long.

“She sent the email less than an hour ago, there’s a chance she could still be awake.”

With a shake of laughter, Orie bid me goodnight by patting my shoulder and trekking up the stairs to his bedroom. I, on the other hand, hung back on the couch for a few extra minutes to search through her resume for her phone number.

“This was fine. She put her number in her email for this reason. You’re contacting a potential employee for a job you’re providing. Not asking a girl on a date,” I muttered to myself.

If that was the case, then why was I so fucking nervous?

Running a hand over my sweats, I took a deep breath before typing out a message to her; Raven. Afterward, I busied myself with tidying up the mess we made in the living room before shutting off the lights and headed up to my room, ready to put the long day behind me.

Just as I stepped inside, my phone buzzed in my pocket and I couldn’t ignore the way my stomach fluttered seeing her respond.

Unknown: Thank you so much! I am interested in accepting the offer and look forward to meeting you guys as well. And don’t worry about the time, I was up anyway.

Plugging in my phone and setting it on the nightstand next to my bed, I crawled underneath the sheets with a slight smile, excitement filling me for Thursday.

RAVEN

“Have a great-!”

The Uber driver's voice was cut off by me slamming the door to his car, tossing a wave of thanks over my shoulder as I ran down the street towards the large warehouse. The warm summer California winds blew the long teal strands of hair behind my shoulders.

Fuck. I was so late.

Twenty minutes late to be exact.

My philosophy class ran over this morning and the second my professor dismissed us, I scrambled out of the lecture hall and out of the school towards the Uber that had been waiting for me the last ten minutes. I apologized profusely and made a mental promise to tip him a little bit extra for not only making him wait for me but also getting across town in peak traffic.

The soles of my tennis shoes slammed against the cracking pavement as I closed the distance between me and the large open garage door of the warehouse. I noticed someone standing in front of me, talking with a small group of people and when he turned to face me as I came to a stop, my breath coming out ragged and my cheeks red from my run, he gave me a gentle smile.

“Hey. Raven, right?” The man with glasses and a beard smiled, extending a tattooed arm towards me.

I shook his hand, still breathless. “Yeah, hi.”

“Orie,” he continued to smile.

Dropping my hand, I wiped the sweat on the back of my jeans. “I’m sorry I’m so late. My class ran over and I tried to get here as fast as possible.”

Orie waved me off. “Don’t even worry about it. We’re still waiting for Noah to get here with the truck.”

I breathed a little bit easier knowing that I wasn’t about to get fired because I was late and brushed away the loose strands of hair from my braid.

“Did you get a chance to look over the paperwork Noah sent you?” Orie asked.

“Yeah, it all looks good to me; pretty self-explanatory,” I said while clutching the books closer to my chest.

“Awesome, once Noah gets here, we can talk about what your part is in the video. You don’t mind hanging out all day? The scene we need you for has you in the pool in the dark.”

“Nope,” I shook my head. “I’ve got nowhere else to be.”

Orie extended an arm inside of the warehouse. “Come on, I can show you where you can hang out.”

I didn’t move. “I don’t want to be in the way.”

“You won’t,” he reassured me with another warm smile, motioning me with his head.

Slowly, I trailed behind him into the warehouse and noticed people working to set up props while some sat at a table off to the side, where Orie was leading me. As he introduced me to the others who were staring in the video, I gave them a small wave of hello.

“Noah and I will come find you once he’s here,” Orie said before leaving me.

Falling into the chair at the table, I spread out my books and tossed my backpack down to rummage through it to grab my pen and notebook. Since I had the day before my scene, I thought it would be best to spend some time studying. I had a psychology test tomorrow morning, one that I was quite nervous about.

I tuned out the conversations of the others around me as familiar terms like cognition, para-social, and suppression filled my brain. The ink of my pen scratched at the flashcard with the words and definitions so I’d be able to quiz myself later.

“Better late than never!”

Snapping my eyes up from the now thick stack of flashcards, I noticed a large white box truck parked right outside the open garage door, three guys piling out of it. My hazel eyes watched as Orie walked over to the guys, bidding them a greeting. It was clear they all knew each other but when one of the guys came around the back of the truck, my breath caught in my throat.

The hood of his black hoodie was pulled over his head until he pulled it down, his bright almond eyes shined with light as he laughed at something Orie said. His brown hair was falling into his eyes so with tattooed fingers, he brushed it back to showcase his strong jawline.

Holy Hades. He was gorgeous.

Orie muttered something to the guy, and then those almond eyes landed on me with a quick flick and every part of my body ignited from the sheer intensity. We held each other’s gaze, him nodding to something else Orie said, but it was me who had to break the trance, reading the psychology terms once again.

My heart rate picked up when I heard steps getting closer and closer until I felt a warm presence standing in front of me. Glancing up through my lashes, I sucked in a breath when Orie and the man were towering over me.

“Hi,” I squeaked out, dropping the pen onto the table.

“Raven, this is Noah,” Orie pointed to the man beside him.

Noah.

He gave me a lopsided grin. “Hey. Is this a good time to go over your part in the video?”

“Uh,” I hastily moved my scattered books and flashcards so they could sit. “Yeah, sorry about the mess.”

Noah waved me off as he sat in the chair next to me while Orie sat across from me.

“College courses?” Orie wondered.

I nodded. “Yeah, for psychology.”

“Is that where you were coming from?”

“I had philosophy this morning and typically my professor lets us out early but of course, today he couldn’t stop rambling on about this book he assigned us to read,” I answered Orie again while rummaging through the stacks of books on the table.

“A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose,” I said holding up the bright orange book. “I guess it's pretty popular. I’m only a few pages in.”

I saw Noah’s lips curl up in an almost-there smile as he rubbed his chin. “It’s quite an interesting read. Every sentence rings with truth and power. It brings you into the space between your thoughts, where we find deep serenity and almost a sacred presence.”

My eyes snapped away from skimming through the book over to Noah. “You’ve read it?”

He leaned back against the chair in an effortless way to look suave and sexy. I could vaguely make out a tattoo on his neck, colors peaking over the top of his sweater, but the tattoos on his fingers and hands were visible. I suddenly wondered how they would have looked wrapped around my throat.

I mentally shook away those thoughts because Noah was my boss for the day. It would be unprofessional for me to think of us like that. Also, the fact that we won’t see each other again after tonight.

“I’m about halfway through. I know for some it might be a difficult read but I promise, it’ll be worth it,” he assured me with a nod.

Orie chuckled. “Noah is big into psychology and philosophy. He could talk about this with you for hours.”

I didn’t miss how his cheeks turned a deep crimson but decided not to say anything about it. Instead, I hoped changing the subject would deter Noah’s burning gaze from me. Not that I minded it, I loved the way it made me feel. Like I was the only one that he cared to look at.

“So you said something about my scene being in the pool?”

Orie nodded. “Yeah. The idea that Noah came up with is that you, along with the two other girls, will be sirens in the water. Swimming underneath one of the guys who will be floating on a raft. At some point, you’ll jump up on the raft and bite him.”

“Oh, kinky. What’s the song about?” I asked while resting my chin on my palm.

Noah raised a brow. “Have you not listened to it?”

It was my turn to get red in the face with a sheepish smile. “If I’m being honest, I’ve never heard about your band before.”

This caused both Noah and Orie to sit straighter up in their chairs before sharing a look.

“You’ve never heard of Bad Omens?”

“No,” I said slowly, eyes bouncing between the two of them. “Should I have? Is that bad?”

“Not at all,” Noah said while resting his long arms on the table. “We’re recording the music video for The Death of Peace of Mind.”

I reached for my phone and AirPods that were still in my backpack. “I think I should listen to the song. Get in the right mindset for my scene.”

Orie stood from the table, tapping it twice. “I’ll leave you to it. Feel free to browse around the sets we have but don’t wander too far. I’ll come find you when we need you.”

Smiling up at him, I nodded but then glanced over to Noah who hadn’t risen from his spot. Instead, he was leaning half of his body over the table, close to me, with a vivid look in those deep almond eyes.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” I wondered, suddenly self-conscious with his assessing gaze.

“No, you’re fine,” Noah’s voice rumbled in his chest. “But if it’s alright with you, I’d like to stay while you listen to the song and hear your take on it.”

“Only if you promise not to fire me if I don’t like it,” I teased with a wink while placing the left Airpod in my ear.

He snorted a laugh while easing back into his chair, extending his long legs on the side of me. “I think it’s going to take a lot more for me to fire you, Raven.”

The way my name sounded on his plump lips made my skin tingle and my heart yearned to hear it again. I peered up at him from my phone, our eyes locked for three long steady beats; neither of us wanting to break whatever trance we found ourselves in. The air around us shifted on its axis, everyone in the room seemed to falter away and I was the only one that Noah cared to be around. And I sucked in a breath when I could have sworn I saw his eyes flick down to my lips before resting back on my eyes again.

In the end, it was me who broke the trance because I couldn’t take it anymore how my body ignited with Noah near me.

“The Death of Peace of Mind?” I asked, a slight crack in my voice.

His lips twitched as he smiled with his almond eyes and nodded.

Placing the right Airpod in, I opened up YouTube and typed in the song, clicking on the first video. Immediately the music hit my ears and I subconsciously felt my body swaying to it and I sat up straighter when Noah’s angelic voice rang out. How soft the tone of it came in some parts.

Your makeup running down your face. The way you fuck. The way you taste.

A blush crept from my cheeks to the tips of my ears and I rested my chin on my palm while gazing up at Noah, who hadn’t moved from his relaxed stupor; eyes dancing with intrigue as he stared at me.

There was something vaguely familiar about his voice but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. How sensual it was and the way it sounded like a siren calling for its mate, wanting them to come home and wrap their arms around him. Or sinking their teeth deep in their flesh, tasting their everlasting spirit and drinking their essence for their own.

When his humming faded, the siren call now pulling me deeper into its vices, I let my eyes flutter shut when the harder music faded.

You come and go in waves. Leaving me in your wake. You come and go in waves. Swallowing everything.

My eyes snapped open when Noah’s solo scream erupted in my ears and now I couldn’t stop the way my head moved to the rest of the song, drumming my fingers against the edge of the table along with the beat. When the song finally ended, I exited the app and locked my phone, setting it to the side along with my AirPods. For a beat of silence, I stared straight ahead while steepling my fingers under my chin, my brain moving a mile a minute.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Noah’s knee bouncing in anticipation.

“Before I start, are you sure you want me to explain what I think it could be about? Because once I get started on something like this, I can’t stop,” I somewhat joked.

Noah’s smile reached his eyes. “Please. I love having these open-minded conversations.”

I nodded while turning my body to face him head-on and tucked a loose strand of my teal hair behind my ear.

“I could hear a few different noises throughout which worked so well along with the melodies. The instruments were very sensual and dark which again worked with the lyrics,” I said.

Noah rested his arms on the table again and I felt the warmth from him radiate off of him in droves as it wrapped around me, pulling me into him; figuratively, not literally even though I was craving to feel his arms enveloping me.

“Do you want to know something special about this song?” He questioned.

“I’m always down to know some secrets,” I teased while scooting closer to him.

I couldn’t explain it but from the moment our eyes met, I felt a sense of calm and assurance. Typically, I wasn’t this comfortable with a guy, it took me a long time to warm up but with Noah, it was different. I had known him for less than an hour but here I was basically flirting with my eyes with him and it seemed, he was giving it right back. That would be fine since after today, we wouldn’t be seeing each other again so a little harmless flirting wouldn’t hurt.

“I challenged myself to make a track using only samples I recorded of household items. Smacking pillows, shaking keys, recording and tuning the low frequency of a vacuum cleaner to a C note, and making a multi-octave sampler out of it. Stuff like that,” Noah twiddled his fingers together.

“Oh, that’s awesome! I feel like you don’t see many artists doing something like that.”

He nodded. “I’d love to know your interpretation of the lyrics.”

I pursed my lips while tapping my chin, in mock thought, even though I already knew what I was going to say. It was clear what, to me, the lyrics meant.

“Well, for starters love’s the death of peace of mind. That part is pretty clear: loving someone that could be wrong for you is essentially the death of your peace of mind.”

I swallowed thickly at how on-brand that was for me but continued. “Sometimes, loving someone isn’t enough. You can’t just have a sexual relationship with someone without having some kind of feelings behind it. You miss the person they used to be before it fell away. That kind of relationship will metaphorically kill you in the end. When the curtains call the time, will we both go home alive? The other person destroyed you and left you with no regard, they swallowed you up.”

A deep noise rumbled in Noah’s chest. “I’ve heard quite a few different theories, but nothing like yours.”

I picked at the lint on my black leggings, my voice dropping. “Personal experience I guess.”

He must have picked up on the way I almost shut down because he reached for my flashcards, flipping through the large stack of them.

“Flashcards never worked for me,” Noah said.

I adjusted my position in my chair so our shoulders brushed against each other and I forced myself to not show how affected I was when an intense rush of heat filled me.

“I have a test tomorrow morning. Usually, I feel more prepared but this course material seems to be harder for me to understand and grasp,” I tapped a pen on the inside of the textbook.

“I could quiz you,” he joked while leaning forward on the table, closer to me.

My breath hitched. “I-uh, I wouldn’t want to keep you. You’ve got your plate full already.”

“Later then.” Noah’s voice was quiet yet loud enough just for the two of us to hear.

“Oh, I don’t know,” I playfully rolled my eyes. “I’ve been told I’m a terrible late-night study partner.”

“I’ve been told I’m a great teacher,” he teased back with the corner of his mouth twitching, trying so hard not to break out into a smile.

Just then, Orie appeared back at the table, staring down at the proximity of us. Noah’s breath was fanning over my face, sending chills yet again down my body.

“I hate to break up this study session,” Orie smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. “But I could use your help setting up the masks.”

Noah’s eyes flicked over my face one final time before he slowly pushed himself away from the table with a nod. But he only made it a few steps before turning back towards me.

“Feel free to have something to eat in catering or walk around. I don’t want you to study all day, that’s no fun.”

“Yes sir.” I gave a mock salute with a smile.

With a rumble of laughter, Noah walked over to the main area of the warehouse where others were working on setting up a large white wall. A few others were working with Orie and Noah; all three sported tattoos while one guy had long hair pulled into a low bun and a nose ring, the other had long hair as well, not as long, but the gauges in his ears were prominent, and the last one was hiding his hair underneath a hat and wore a gray fishing shirt. Something about the way Noah interacted with them told me that the four of them were close, almost like brothers.

I spent the next hour or so finishing studying, eyes glancing up every once in a while to the scene that Orie was currently directing with the camera operator. A female with two males dressed up, stood in front of the large white wall that had a variety of holes. They stood on a platform with those velvet ropes circling them. Guarding them was someone dressed in a full-body red suit, holding a prop gun, and the mask that covered their face lit up.

By now, Noah had lost his black sweater, the white shirt he wore doing wonders for the colorful designs that covered every inch of skin on both arms. Suddenly, the psychology terms were long forgotten as I kept a careful gaze on Noah and the way he moved, the muscles in his back straining, when he directed what he thought the actors should do. The long chain he wore dangled low over his shirt and I desperately wanted to twirl it between my fingers, bringing him closer to me.

As if he felt me staring, Noah peered over his shoulder in his kneeling position, and very quickly, his eyes met mine and I felt my breath catch in my throat. My stomach flipped the longer his fiery gaze burned into me and I did my best to not let him know that he had this weird effect on me. However, I failed when his tongue darted out to wet his lips and I shifted in my seat while squeezing my legs together.

It had been a while since I had sex and even with self-satisfying me on some lonely nights lately, it still wasn’t enough. I needed something better, harder, to curb the desire that was building low in my stomach. It was as if Noah could smell my arousal from halfway across the room because when I saw the corner of his mouth tilt up ever so slightly, it was evident that he knew the effect he had on me.

Being the first one to break the trance between us, I packed up all of my belongings into my backpack and stuffed it underneath the table. It was just past one in the afternoon, meaning I still had a long while until I was needed for my scene so I decided to get something to eat. There was a small area set up in the far back area of the warehouse with tables filled with a variety of sandwiches, wraps, sides, and drinks. With a somewhat full plate, I returned to the table to sit in my previous spot and browsed on my phone instead of studying. I noticed that my boss had sent me a text a little while ago.

Joan: Anyway you could work tonight? I know it's your day off and you’ve got a big test tomorrow. We booked a last-minute party and they asked if Serenity Skylar would be working tonight.

I, along with three other girls, was one of the best dancers at Bad Decisions; Los Angeles’ most premiere gentlemen's club. The reason why it was the best? Besides the dancers, our boss treated all of us with respect. Any time one of us would say we were uncomfortable with a customer, she would have no problem ordering security to kick that said customer out. She looked at us like people and not a cash grab. I also loved the rule no touching the dancers. It made for easy shifts and the second the rule was broken, that customer would be thrown out and put on the no-return list.

For the briefest of moments, I did the math in my head. I could have easily made double what I’m making here dancing tonight for this private party. But could I dip out on Orie and Noah? Last minute nonetheless. The chances of them finding another girl to stand in for my part would be slim.

But the money you’d make from this party would be enough to cover the cost of your field trip and even pay next month's rent in advance.

The thought spoke at the same time Noah’s laughter carried throughout the large warehouse and straight to my heart. Glancing away from my phone for a few seconds, I saw him run a hand through his hair with a vivid smile. The guy with the extra long hair must have said something that Noah thought was funny because he was still laughing.

Me: You know I’d never turn down a party but I’ve got other arrangements for the day that I can’t skip out on. I’m sorry!

When Joan replied with a simple “Not a problem!” I pocketed my phone and decided after throwing out my garbage, that I would browse around the warehouse. There were different props set up throughout for the music video. Orie and Noah had finished up directing a scene of a man sitting behind the wheel of the car when I walked past and I could hear Orie ordering Noah and those other guys something about needing to change as I reached a quieter backroom that must have been an instrument storage room; a variety of them filled the space but only one caught my attention.

An older piano.

I sat on the bench, it creaking underneath my weight, and I brushed my fingers along the dusty keys. They worked in perfect harmony as the notes echoed in the small room, the familiar tune bringing back memories; good ones. I played the song over and over again, gaining more confidence the longer it went on and the rust I felt for not playing for almost ten years fell away. My eyes were closed as I leaned into the tune, practically throwing myself into it, and after repeating it for the fourth time, I took a deep breath and worked out the sore muscles in my wrist and fingers since they were stiff from not playing for so long.

“Wow. That was beautiful.”

“Fuck!” I clutched a hand to my chest, my heart beating rapidly against my palm.

Turning a bit on the bench, I saw Noah leaning against the door frame dressed in all black and his messy hair was styled perfectly. I bit the inside of my cheek at the sight of him as my heart rate returned to normal.

“I didn’t mean to scare you or listen in on you if it was a private moment. I just heard the music on the way back from the dressing room and got curious,” he said while stuffing his gloved hands into the pockets of his coat.

“Oh, you’re fine,” I took a deep breath. “I forgot how in the zone I get while playing.”

When he motioned if it was alright to step into the room, I nodded and let him take a seat at the other end of the large bench. For the second time this afternoon, I felt his shoulder brush mine and this time, I couldn’t stop the reaction of when his heat tangled with mine. I let out a shuddering breath while subconsciously scooting closer to him.

“How long have you played piano?” He asked, not giving away how affected he was by our proximity.

“My mom put me in lessons when I turned five and I played until my senior year of high school. But I haven’t played since,” I said while playing the first notes of the song again.

“What song is this?” Noah wondered.

“I wrote it when I was sixteen,” I kept playing the song. “I never had the chance to finish the ending so it just sounds like it dies off.”

Just as I said the song abruptly ended and I frowned. No matter how many different harmonies or notes I wrote, nothing seemed to fit my song perfectly. It all sounded not right.

“Play it again,” Noah urged me with a nod.

I was hesitant, only because now that he was intently listening, it made me extremely nervous. It was clear he knew a thing or two about music so to have him possibly criticize something that meant a lot to me made my frown pull deeper.

“I don’t know,” I murmured. “It’s not that great of a song now that I heard it again.”

He placed a hand on my knee, patting it twice before removing it and I found myself missing his warmth.

“It’s really good, Raven,” he reassured me. “I’d love to hear it again.”

How did this man, this stranger, have such an effect on me and my body? I never felt this way with any man, not even my ex. But with Noah, it was as if my body was starting to come alive with each growing touch. His incandescent eyes pleaded with me and in the end, I breathed with a nod before letting my fingers glide along the keys once more. The haunting harmony of my song filled the small space as my eyes shut so I could pour all of myself into it, letting the notes guide me along the cloud of sympathy.

Instead of letting the song abruptly end, I restarted it for a second time, my fingers working faster now as the chords suddenly bore into our souls, shaking it with such vigor I nearly choked on my breath. A softer, more siren-like melody graced my ears, nothing like the notes I was playing. This was more celestial and it brought chills to my body, goosebumps covering the skin of my bare arms. It was then that I noticed Noah was humming a melody in tune with the notes I was playing on the piano.

Deciding not to continue playing, I let the song come to a stop and placed my hands on my lap.

“It always bothered me that I never finished it,” I admitted while twiddling my thumbs.

Noah turned slightly towards me. “Why didn’t you?”

“Life got busy,” I lied with a shrug.

The real reason? My ex-boyfriend controlled all aspects of my life, telling me what I could do, and who I could see or talk to. For ten years. It was only recently that I was able to find myself again, falling back into things I used to love and adore.

A soft brush of a finger glided along my elbow and I finally gazed up towards Noah, who was watching me with something unreadable in his eyes. Being so close to him now, I could see that freckles lined his nose and cheeks and he had a faint scar underneath his right eye, almost like it was from an old piercing.

Those almond eyes were sharper, darker, and filled with depth than the last time I stared at them this close. Noah was now wearing a turtleneck, covering the tattoo on his neck. I peaked up at him through my lashes when I felt his warm breath fan over my lips, all the while my brain was screaming at me to move away, my heart pleading with me not to fall for someone so fast after my last relationship, and my pussy begging me to taste Noah’s lips. It felt like I was being thrown in different directions, not knowing which to lean toward, but in the end, my brain won.

“Your collar,” I motioned to his jacket. “Can I fix it?”

He glanced down but due to the angle couldn’t tell that the collar of his jacket wasn’t completely flat so taking it upon myself, I delicately brushed down the collar, making it even on both sides, and picked a few pieces of hair from his jacket.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

I dragged my fingers down the front of his jacket until they fell in my lap again.

“You’re welcome,” my voice matched his tone.

I wanted to lean into him, have those arms wrap around me, and brush away the strands of hair from my face to breathe sweet words into my skin. Without thinking, I lifted my chin towards him and nearly felt his lips on mine until there was a knock on the open door of the room.

“There you are!”

Noah and I broke away from the mind-bending trance and both of us glanced over to the doorway. Standing there with a smug smile was one of the guys he had been talking to all afternoon; the one with the nose ring.

“Always perfect timing, Jolly,” Noah grumbled while standing up.

The other man, Jolly, ignored him and instead, held out a hand to me. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Jolly, guitar player for Bad Omens.”

Rising to my feet, I took in the accent he had while shaking his large hand with a smile. “Raven. Psychology student and your actress for the day.”

That earned a laugh from Jolly. “Well, if it’s alright. Can I steal Noah? Dana needs him so we can shoot our part. And Rhea is looking for you, the make-up artist. She wants to test out the teeth and blood before your shoot later tonight.”

“Oh, for the siren,” I giggled. “Well, I don’t want to keep her waiting.”

With a small wave towards the two men, I quickly scurried out of the room, not catching the look Jolly gave Noah who in turn, ignored Jolly and watched me walk away instead.

NOAH

Raven’s gaze was hot on me as I did my best to focus on the camera in front of me and stay in character. My body swayed with extended arms while the song played in the background, my lips moving in sync with the lyrics. We were almost finished recording our part of the video, spending the last couple of hours making sure everything was perfect. All the while, I felt Raven watching my every movement from her spot in the makeup area across from the warehouse. I wasn't able to see how the fake teeth and blood look came out but knowing Rhea was good at her job, it would be perfect.

Just as Dana yelled cut, my eyes snapped up to Raven and noticed she was still in the same spot she’d been ten minutes prior. The smile she wore made my heart jump into my throat and I mentally cursed myself for letting her make me feel this way. The last thing I needed was a relationship right now, especially with the upcoming release of our third album. Bad Omens were going to be busy and it would be unfair to start a relationship when I didn’t have time for one.

But there was something colorful about Raven that made it difficult to look away, even from the moment I saw her picture. And now, seeing her in person, I felt something inside of me click into place; like my soul had been searching all the ends of the earth for her.

I couldn’t help but snort at that; soulmates.

As I walked towards the changing rooms to get back in my street clothes, I noticed Orie, who was talking with Raven about her scene that was up next and picked up on the end tail of their conversation.

“It’s going to be really cold tonight, just a heads up. The pool is heated which should help a bit,” Orie said while handing me a back of what I assumed was her outfit for this scene.

Something told me to stop and talk with her again but seeing her clutch the nipple covers and nude thong to her chest made my cock swell underneath my pants and I coughed a groan into my hand; something Orie caught and winked at me.

“Hi,” Raven smiled up at me when she peered over at me, a warm smile on her face. “You killed it.”

My heart leaped into my throat at her praise and I stuffed my shaking hands in the pocket of my coat.

“Thank you. Ready for your part?”

She tucked a strand of teal hair behind her ear and nodded. “I just need to get dressed. Or well, undressed I suppose.”

Don’t think of her naked you fucking weirdo. You don’t even know her.

Ignoring the chastising voice in my mind, I motioned to my dress clothes. “Me too. I’ll meet you outside in a few to go over your part again.”

Those lips parted to speak but quickly snapped shut before she gave me a curt nod and scurried back towards the dressing room. Orie was still wearing that stupid smirk which caused me to smack his shoulder.

“Shut up,” I groaned.

“Someone is smitten,” his voice said in that annoying song before walking away.

A few minutes later I was dressed back in my street clothes and standing outside with Nicholas as we were talking, only for my attention to be stolen by Raven as she walked out into the back area of the warehouse where the pool was. Her small hands held the robe closed tight against her body and in that moment all I wanted to do was stalk up to her and force it to fall away from her.

“You’re staring,” Nicholas observed.

Waving him off, I continued to watch Raven as she reached the end of the pool, never hesitating to remove her robe, handing it to one of the people helping the shoot tonight. Her breasts were perfect; round and perky. They looked like they could easily fit in my hands. A thought that made my cock hardened; again. The tattoos on her skin seemed to glimmer under the moonlight as she slowly dipped her toes into the pool before Raven succumbed into the water. My feet seemed to have a mind of their own as they took me to the edge of the pool, me bending down at the knees next to Orie.

“How’s the water?” I asked all three of the women but kept my eyes on Raven, who was swimming towards me.

“Not terrible. Ask us in a few minutes,” one of the girls chuckled.

Raven came to a stop at the edge in front of me and rested her arms at the ledge, the tops of her breasts breaking through the water.

Fuck. I’m so fucked.

“You owe me big for freezing my ass off in here,” she joked.

I smirked, wadding my hand through the water next to her and trying so hard not to touch her. “Your lips will match your hair.”

Raven scoffed and splashed some water towards me causing me to break out in laughter as I ran away from the pool, finally letting her get to work.

RAVEN

“And that’s a wrap! Great job everyone!” Dana called out which was followed by a round of cheers.

Feeling the fake blood drip from my mouth down to my chest and into the water, I gave a high five to Greg, the one I had to attack in the pool float. It took us four reshoots to get the shot right, something not sitting right with Noah. He wanted it to look more viscous and when I started to doubt my abilities, he was quick to assure me it was the angle the camera was in.

Swimming back towards the stairs of the pool, I smirked up at Noah, showcasing my siren teeth, as he held out one of those thick blankets for me.

“Quick, warm up before you catch a cold,” he says, wrapping the material around me.

I nearly moaned at the warmth but couldn’t due to how severe my body was shivering. I didn’t want to admit it but the entire time I was in the pool, I was freezing.

“Th-th-thank yo-you,” my fake teeth clattered together.

Almost immediately, Noah wrapped his arm around my shoulder, bringing me closer to his chest. “Is this alright? I don’t want to make you feel weird but you’re absolutely freezing.”

It was quick how fast I buried my face in his sweater, appreciating his warmth. “More than alright. You’re so warm.”

His body rumbled with laughter. “So I’ve been told.”

As he led me back into the warehouse, I silently hoped he couldn't feel how fast my heart was pounding. Having Noah this close to me, his scent over taking my senses, it neary rendered me useless. Yet the logical part of my brain continued to warn me not to jump into something so new just because it excited me. While I spent the day with Noah, I still knew nothing about him besides the music side of him. I should be afraid he’d be like my ex. Noah could be sweet talking me just to rip my heart out and stomp on it the first chance he could. I needed to take a step back to save myself from future heartbreak.

So why couldn't I pull away from Noah? Why did I let him tighten his grip around me?

“If I catch a cold, I expect a goodie basket with soup, crackers, and chocolate on my doorstep,” I teased him as we neared the dressing rooms.

Noah chuckled while rubbing my back. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

As we came to a stop in front of the doors that led to the dressing rooms, Noah made no effort to remove his arm from shoulder, something I hadn’t minded. His eyes lingered on mine before dragging over the entirety of my face only to chuckle when I stifled a yawn into the blanket.

“Tired?” He questioned, rubbing the side of my arms over the blanket before dropping his hands to his side.

Slightly frowning at the loss of his touch, I nodded. “It’s been a long day and I still need to study a bit once I’m home for my test tomorrow.”

Now it was Noah’s turn to frown. “I’m sorry for keeping you so late. Your scene looked better in the dark.”

I shook my head. “Please don’t apologize, Noah. I signed up for this. I knew how long of a day this would be for me. Also, I don’t think I said this before but thank you for giving me the opportunity given my lack of acting experience.”

“Wait, you mean to tell me you’re not a vampire siren that sucks guys blood? Here I thought you were from how awesome you did back there,” he joked while throwing a thumb over his shoulder back towards the pool.

I playfully rolled my eyes but then noticed a wet strand of hair was stuck to my forehead. Since I couldn’t use my hands to brush it for fear of having the blanket falling away, I tried to blow it away only to fail. Tentatively, Noah reached up to brush away the hair, showcasing my bright eyes up at him. The space between us seemed to dissipate as he stepped closer to breathe over my lips.

“Your eyes are beautiful.”

My own breath caught in my throat as I peered up at him through lashes, trying to think of what to say next.

Thank you?

No, that's stupid.

Your eyes are beautiful too.

Eh, maybe. You could just kiss him already.

Encased in our own bubble, I felt the force of Noah pull me closer as I stood on the tips of my toes, ready to close the distance when a voice over his shoulder called out to us.

“Noah!”

Cursing under his breath, Noah glanced behind him to see Dana walking towards him with his camera. “I need you to take a look at something.”

“Go,” I urged him on. “I should get dressed and find Orie to make sure I’m not needed for anything else.

Reluctantly, he nodded while taking a step back and stuffed his hands in the pocket of his jacket. “He’ll have your check as well.”

“Cool,” I nodded back at him.

We both stood there for a moment, staring at one another, and Noah rubbed the back of his neck to push away a few strands of hair sticking out from underneath his beanie.

“Uh, I guess I’ll see you around. Maybe? I’d be up for maybe hearing your thoughts on the music video when it comes out. You could text, or call, or email. I guess whatever works for you. Just as long as you’re not busy with courses, I don’t want you to fail or something because of my wild ideas for a music video.”

He rambled on which made me giggle softly and he broke out in a large smile. “Alright I’m going to go before I make a bigger ass out of myself.”

“I thought it was cute,” I shrugged with a wink. “Thank you again for today, Noah. I hope everything works out for you and your band.”

Now the smile wore was larger, more genuine as he gave me a curt nod. “Thank you, Raven. I hope you ace your test tomorrow and you get the dream job you want.”

At his word job, I couldn’t help but think of the job I currently had at the strip club and my heart sank. There was no way he would be interested if he found out about it. Almost as soon as I thought of it, I pushed away the thought. Noah and I would never be at that point for me to wonder if he would like me stripping. His opinion didn’t matter.

“Take care of yourself, Noah,” I gave a small wave before slipping into the dressing room.

Forty five minutes and a large check later, I let out an unattractive yawn as I stepped out into the midnight air, clutching my books to my chest. I could feel my bed calling for me blocks away but knew I still needed to study tonight. Checking the time on my watch, I noticed it was nearly one a.m and my test was at 10 a.m sharp.

“Alright, if I study for at least an hour and fall asleep by three, I can get six hours of sleep. Should be plenty. I could literally go to class in my sweats,” I muttered.

“Talking to yourself?”

Snapping my eyes up from the concrete at my feet, I sucked in a breath when I saw Noah leaning against a car parked in front of the warehouse.

“I thought you left,” I blinked, wondering if he was actually in front of me or my tired state was imaging him.

He motioned to his car. “Can I give you a lift home?”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, Noah. I only live a few blocks from here. I don’t mind walking,” I said while adjusting the stack of books in my arms.

“It’s late and I’d feel a lot better if I knew you got home safe,” he said while opening the passenger side door for me.

“You really waited for me?” I asked, truly astonished he’d waited for me this late.

While I was talking to Orie, almost thirty minutes ago, I briefly saw Noah leave the warehouse.

He shrugged. “I want to make up for rambling on like an idiot earlier.”

Giggling, I eventually nodded and walked a few steps towards him, offering him a smile. “Thank you, Noah.”

“Anything for you.”

With my door shut, he ran across to the other side of the car and slid in. I marveled at the warmth radiating inside of the car and sank farther down in the seat, the exhausting day catching up to me.

“You should get some sleep,” Noah suggested after he pulled the car away from the curb, smoothly driving down the empty road.

I hummed in response and closed my eyes for a moment, letting the soft tune from the radio lull me to a peaceful dreamstate. I wasn’t fully asleep, just awake enough to hear Noah mutter something.

“Hm?” I glanced over to him, the street lights outside of the car bathing him in a golden glow.

He looked fucking breathtaking.

“I don’t have your address so Ireally have no idea where to go,” he said.

“Shit,” I sat up farther in the seat and pointed to the upcoming lights. “Take a right and my apartment will be half a block down on the right.”

Silence fell between us as Noah followed my directions and sadness crept in when I saw my complex appear too fast for my liking. I enjoyed spending the day with Noah and now that it was actually ending, I frowned.

“I feel like I need to say thank you again, especially for driving me home,” I spoke once the car stopped in front of the door of my complex.

Noah leaned back against his seat and waved me off. “You’ve helped us out too, Raven. Consider us even.”

There was that silence again as I shifted in my seat with my hands on my lap, twiddling my thumbs together. I was prolonging the walk up to my studio only because I was fighting with my thoughts on if it was a good idea or not to do what I was planning.

Clearly he had to have been someone interested in me if he waited almost an hour to drive me home. Our two almost kisses tonight proved that. Right?

“Raven?”

Noah’s deep voice made me look over at him to see he was now leaning over towards me, his large frame all encompassing as it surrounded me.

“I’m sorry if this seems forward but I was wondering if I could-,’ his voice trailed off and I nearly screamed.

If you could, what?

Licking my lips, I faced my body more towards him, hoping that would showcase to him that whatever he wanted to ask me, he could.

“Can I kiss you?” His voice was rough yet meek, those plump lips oh so close to mine, I could almost taste them.

Don’t do it. You’re going to regret-.

Once again ignoring the voice in my mind, I crashed my lips to Noah’s, moaning into his mouth. His large hands quickly found my hips to drag me over to his lap, the steering wheel pressing into my back but I didn’t care. His lips on mine, hands all over my body, was enough for my soul to ascend. All night during my scene in the pool, I would catch his gaze hold on my breasts and knew with how often he’d been discreetly adjusting himself that I affected him in some sort of way.

Our kiss was sensual but filled with so much passion behind it, my head spun while Noah dragged a hand over my neck to hold me in place at the back of it. My hands rested on his chest as my teeth brushed along his bottom lip before exploring his mouth once more. The kiss deepened as our tongues fought for dominance and soon the air around us was thick with sexual tension, like it had been all day. I slid my hands up from his chest to his head, knocking off the hat so I could run my fingers through his hair; so soft as I pulled on the ends as I continued to kiss him with such fervor. I dragged my teeth down his jaw and neck line, all the while rutting my hips into his. The hardness of his cock evident in his sweats as I sat down against his lap, Noah groaning into my mouth.

“Angel,” his hand slipped underneath my shirt, bringing a fire to my skin as he brushed a finger over my bra, teasing my nipple softly.

“Say it again,” I urged him, resting my forehead against his, gradually guiding my cunt over his lap.

Hearing that nickname fall from his lips made my core ache with such hunger, something I hadn’t felt ever before. The way Noah’s hands and lips made my soul come alive and sing for him was otherworldly. I was desperate for more.

I craved him like a drug. I was addicted.

“You like it?” Noah asked, leaving a red mark on the pulse point of my neck.

“Yes,” I breathed, yanking on the ends of his hair again.

“Good,” he praised into the skin of my shoulder where it met my neck. “Because it stays, angel.”

Suddenly bright lights passed by the car in a daze causing me to pull away from Noah with a loud sigh. I didn’t want to risk anyone else driving by to see what we were doing. So catching my swollen lips between my teeth, I batted my eyelashes at him, me still sitting on his lap in the driver's seat.

I shouldn’t ask him this. I should say good night and head up to my apartment to shower and then lay in bed to study. I have a big test tomorrow. I shouldn't get distracted by a pair of mochi eyes staring up at me.

“Do you want to come upstairs?” I asked suddenly.

“Please,” he nearly whined with his begs. “I had a small taste of you, Raven. I can’t let you go now.”

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sammyjoeee · 7 months ago

Text

WE LOVE A GOOD HAPPY ENDING 😭😭♥️

illicit affairs | thirty one

* two years later *

I sat down at the edge of my bed, breathing deeply at the coming events. Never in a million years did I think I’d be wearing white again, but here we are. Hair and makeup were about to be here shortly, my bridesmaids were in the other room making mimosas and reminiscing on old stories. My hands wondered down to the tear cut diamond on my hand. I swore I was never going to love again but he proved me wrong.

“Hey, can we come in?”  I looked over at the half opened door to see Folio and Bryan on the other side, already in their tuxedos. I had to admit they cleaned up nice. Bryan was kind enough to capture the big day for us as well so I knew the photos would turn out perfect.

“Are you nervous?”  “Not really.” I sighed, “I just never thought I’d be getting married again.”  “We all saw this coming from a mile away when you got back together.” Bryan replied as him and Folio sat on the bed with me, “I’m just happy you finally figured it out. We would’ve hated to see you go.”  “I would’ve rather kicked him out of the band than you see you leave.” Folio joked behind me causing my eyes to roll. “All jokes aside, we’re happy that we officially have you in the family.”  “Thanks guys.”  Before they could say anything, my hair and make up artist came into the room along with my bridesmaids. Both of them gave me assuring squeezes before they left the room. Moments later, music was being played, mimosas were passed around as we all got glammed up for the day. I opted for more of a minimal look, knowing I was probably going to cry it all off anyways. Not as if it mattered, I could’ve walked down the aisle in a garbage bag and he’d still think I was the most beautiful woman in the world.

 “Ellie, you look amazing.”

I admired myself in the mirror, my dark hair cascaded in soft waves down my back as my veil sat perfectly on the top of my head. I chose a white dress with long laced sleeves to cover my tattoos. I wasn’t ashamed of them, but looking back at my wedding photos with Tyler, I had wished I covered them up. I felt beautiful, for the first time in a long time I felt beautiful. I felt like I was worthy of love and a second chance at all of this.

“Mama!”  I turned around and saw Liam running towards me with open arms. I scooped him up and placed him on my hip, kissing his cheek over and over. He had his little tuxedo on with a pair of converse, which was his choice. He looked so adorable, all I wanted to do was squeeze him.

“Where’s your sister?”   “With Papa.”  My head whipped around and saw my dad coming in with Madison, my four month old daughter in a stroller. She had on a pink frilly dress, blissfully unaware of what was going on today. She was blessed with my dark hair and her fathers eyes, she was absolutely perfect. The best part of all was Liam became a huge help with her, he loved to read her stories, lay on the floor with her during tummy time and hold her whenever she got sad. He was the best big brother in the world.

 “You look beautiful, pumpkin.” My dad greeted me, placing a small kiss on my cheek.

“Thank you…have you seen him?”  “He’s good. I’ve never seen a man so calm on such a big day.” He mused, “I think he’s just ready to be married to you.”  “Ellie, you ready?”  Bryan was standing by the door, camera in hand waiting for me. I nodded my head and walked out with him. My heart was racing as I followed him down the hotel hall. He led me to a small courtyard that was overgrown with ivy and a small white gazebo. We had decided to do a first look to calm our nerves and to have a moment alone before everyone saw us. I started to fidget with my ring, twirling it around my finger the longer we walked. I also began to sweat, making me regret choosing to have our wedding in August.

Then I saw him.

His back was to me, so he had no idea how close I was. My throat began to close up as I felt tears wanting to fall. Who knew after all these years of back and forth, it finally led up to this. Bryan whispered to me that he was going to walk ahead and give me the thumbs up to let my soon to be husband know I was behind him. I counted his footsteps and watched with such intent, waiting for my cue. Bryan got down on one knee, brought his camera up to his face and gave me the signal. I took two steps forward, drawing in a huge breath before tapping on Matt’s shoulder.

“Holy shit.”  Tears instantly filled my eyes as he turned around. His hands fell to his knees as he braced himself from falling over. I stood there and admired him, laughing through my tears at his reaction. He looked so handsome. Never in a million years did I think I’d get him to dress up, but he really pulled it off. His hair was tucked into a low bun, and his tattoos were poking out from under his sleeve, which I loved so much. I can’t believe he’s about to be my husband.

When Noah left me that one day, he never came home. He never gave me much of explanation for his actions and I still don’t have closure from it, but I learned to live with it. Matt was the first to reach out to me, like he always did. After the band did their tour in Europe, he came to visit me and never left. I think a part of me knew it was always him. As much as I loved Noah, he was only playing the man I wanted him to be, and I truly believed it until one day I just stopped. Matt was the only one who truly saw me for who I was. Flash forward a year after Noah left, I sold our house, moved to Dallas and got engaged to Matt. I finally had the life I was destined for.

As for our daughter? Well she was a surprise, the greatest surprise we could’ve asked for. Matt was so protective of her, took her to his studio every chance he could. He would talk to her about what he was doing, as if she knew what he was talking about. We even took her to a bad omens show, Matt wrapped her in her carrier against his chest with some earmuffs as he did his job without missing a beat. Tour life looked a little different for him from that day on but I don’t think he would change it for the world.

Noah and I are on speaking terms, and oddly enough we were friends. I felt like we had to be. We weren’t exactly close, just close enough to be civil with each other and not have any awkwardness with the group. Either way if it wasn’t for him I would’ve never met Matt.

“You look so fucking beautiful, are you kidding me?” Matt gasped as he wiped one tear that fell from his face.

“I think you take the cake.” I sniffled, “I can’t believe I got you in a tux.”

Matt softly smiles, tracing my jaw as Bryan took a million photos behind us, “anything for you babe, you know that.”

“You ready to be stuck with me forever?”

“Until my last breath.” He mused, taking my lips into a soft kiss.

Since neither of us were good with public speaking, we decided to hand write our vows in letters and give them to each other. We both stood there in silence, reading our letters. The odd snickers, or sniffle was heard but nothing more. This was our moment to share alone, even if Bryan was hiding in the bushes.

“Danielle just texted.” Bryan said breaking us out of our trance, “it’s time.”

I looked over at Matt, his somber eyes already looking at me. No words were said but his eyes told me everything I needed to know. My nerves slowly calmed down as I pulled him in for another kiss. It lingered before we pulled apart, our noses brushing as we remembered this moment.

“See you down the aisle.”

“I’ll be the dork in a tux.”

He dropped my hand as I walked back with Bryan. With one final look, it slowly sunk in the next time I see Matt, he’ll be my husband.

Everyone looked so incredible as I made my way back to the hotel room. I let the girls choose their dresses and they all matched their personalities perfectly. Danielle had Liam in her arms and Madison in her stroller, ready to be my ring boy and flower girl.

“Are you okay not walking down the aisle with the best man?”

“As your maid of honour, I’d rather walk down with your children than Davis.”

I chucked, “fair enough.”

After a few make up touches and another mimosa, it was time. Danielle passed us our bouquets as we all lined up for the ceremony. Danielle had Madison, Liam decided he wanted to walk with Davis, my friend Cassandra was walking with Folio, Chloe was with Jolly, and Ruffilo was officiating the wedding. Noah opted out of being in the wedding party but promised he’d still be there to support us.

“Let’s hope this one sticks.”

 “Cmon, Dad.”

He just gives my hand a squeeze as we waited for our turn. The night does not belong to god by Sleep Token began to play as everyone walked down. My entire body was shaking at this point and I kept taking in deep breaths but it wasn’t helping. Vessels voice created a calming aura as it was finally my turn. Everyone stood up, not a single phone was in sight the entire time. My eyes stayed on Matt, helping me focus on not falling down. He had his hands clasped in front of him, biting back his smile like he was a child on Christmas. I was fighting back the same smile, it got harder the closer I got to him.

“Love you pumpkin.” My dad whispered in my ear as he let me go. My eyes gazed over the crowd, where I finally saw Noah. He was in all black, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows as he softly smiled at me. I returned his gesture before turning my attention to Matt.

“I meant to ask you earlier if your dress was new.”

“Not now, Matthew.”

He chuckled as we got up to the alter. Nicholas looked so handsome as he had his hair tied back, minus one strand that fell in front of his baby blue eyes. He gave us a nod before telling everyone to take a seat. Matt’s soft stare never left me the entire time during the ceremony, which I wasn’t going to complain about. He made all the noise disappear and I forgot we were in a room with our friends and family.

“Ellie, when we first met you, most importantly, when you kicked Matt’s ass at Uno in Seattle, we never would’ve expected this is where you two would end up. While there’s been a few bumps in the road, I couldn’t be happier this is where it lead you. I’ve known Matt for years, he isn’t one to take things lightly, so when he came to us about proposing, I knew he was serious. Which is why I chose this role today, because I am proud to help you transition into this new, beautiful chapter of life. We all love you like a sister and couldn’t be happier to have you as part of our band of misfits.”

My eyes were filling with tears and I couldn’t fight them from falling down. Matt was chewing on his lip to fight his from falling but it was impossible.

“Fuck I didn’t mean to make you two cry so let’s wrap this up. Ellie and Matt have already read their vows in private so let’s move on to the rings.”

“One ring to rule them all.” We heard Folio snicker to himself, which caused us both to erupt in laughter. Lord of the rings was our favourite trilogy and I can guarantee you we’ll be watching it on our honeymoon.

“Your turn, bud.”

Liam walked in front of us, nervously holding the pillow that held our wedding bands. I got Matt a black metal band, he didn’t come across as a gold or silver kind of man so I knew this would suit him. I had a simple rose gold band to match my ring perfectly. My shaking hands grabbed his, slowly putting the band around his finger. It fit like a glove, as if it was made for him.

“Let these rings symbolize your love for each other, a love that never backed down and made you two find your way back each other.” Ruffilo added as Matt put my ring on my finger. “Matthew, you may kiss your wife.”

“Fucking finally” he exhaled, grabbing my face and pulling me into a firm kiss. Everyone applauded and stood up as we pulled apart. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest with how happy and blissful I felt. Matt was finally my husband.

“I may now present to you Mr and Mrs Dierkes!” Ruffilo announced behind us as Birds of Feather by Billie Eilish blasted through the speakers as we all walked back down the aisle. I caught a glimpse of Noah who smiled as he clapped his hands, he truly looked happy for me.

“Hi Wife!”

“Hi Husband!” I beamed as Matt picked me up off the ground, kissing me with force.

Husband.

I’ll never get over that.

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sammyjoeee · 7 months ago

Text

I need to take a cold shower

UNDER CONTROL

OVERVIEW: after quinn's captaincy skills are put to the test, you want nothing more than to help him relax.

WARNINGS: 18+ content, MDNI. bondage play, unprotected sex, p in v, etc.

note: atp, it's tradition for me to write a smut piece after every game.

wc: 2279

The game against Columbus had been a hard watch.

Being sat on the couch in your and Quinn’s shared apartment was becoming increasingly more and more difficult the more the game carried on. During the first period, you couldn’t help but be a little frustrated at the lack of effort shown on the ice.

However, your frustrations only grew during the last two periods. Watching Quinn and the rest of his teammates get assaulted every other second fueled your emotions, causing you to lash out at the TV due to the refs who seemed to be blind.

By the time the game had come to an end, resulting in a win for the Canucks, you couldn’t help but feel a bit irritated at everything that had transpired within the hours of the night. You knew Quinn would be happy with the win, but you also knew him well enough that he would be feeling the physical results of it too.

Once you received his text that he would be home in less than ten minutes, having found an alternate route to avoid the Vancouver traffic, your brain scrambled to think of ideas on how to make his night a little bit easier, not only on his body but on his mind.

You started by popping some leftover pizza into the microwave, knowing Quinn would eat anything you put in front of him, not caring what it was. Next, you brought out the fluffy pillows from the closet and laid them out on the couch, lighting some random Yankee candle you had found in there as well. Just as the microwave beeped and you put out one of Quinn’s favorite books on the coffee table, the front lock clicked, indicating he had arrived.

Fumbling with your hands, you quickly walked over to the kitchen to pull the pizza out of the microwave and bringing it back over to the couch.

“Hey.” You greeted, walking over to the doorway to kiss him.

He tiredly kissed you back, small droplets of water falling from his hair and onto your forehead, “Hi.”

“Congrats on the win, hot shot.”

Quinn chuckled, “Thanks. Do you wanna order in or are you cooking?”

You smiled sheepishly, “Um, I actually just heated up some of the leftover pizza from a few days ago. I got too caught up in the game to actually… cook.”

He quickly noticed the embarrassment flood your face and he was quick to put a stop to it. He kissed your cheek, “You watched the game?”

“Always do. I just normally don’t get too into them, you know? But this one was really good”

Quinn let out a sigh before nodding. You could tell he was tired of standing, so you slid his hockey bag off of his shoulder and set it down on the floor. As you guided him over to sit on the couch, you couldn’t help but want to do more to help him relax.

“Do you need anything? Water? Gatorade?” You questioned the second he sat down on the soft cushions.

“Could you grab me a gato from the fridge?”

You nodded, quickly making your way to the fridge and making your way back just as fast that you were surprised you hadn’t slipped, “Anything else?”

Quinn furrowed his eyebrows, “No thanks. Are you okay? You seem really jittery.”

It wasn’t hard to read you, but you were worried about the toll his body had taken during the game that you couldn’t help it. Your lack of a response caused Quinn to start to worry himself, doing the exact opposite of what you wanted to do.

He tugged you down onto the couch gently, allowing you to settle your tense body against his. It was silent as you let out a breath, easing into his touch. As you nestled your face into his chest, he winced, his body pulling back instinctively.

You pulled away quickly, “Did I hurt you? I’m sorry.”

Quinn shook his head, “No it wasn’t you. Just got a bit roughed up tonight.”

You gave him a look, silently asking if you could lift up his shirt to see what exactly he meant by “roughed up.”. He tensed at your gaze, nodding subtly as he allowed your hands to lift up the fabric. It was hard to see the patch of purpled and slightly yellow skin spread across his chest and you couldn’t help but grimace at the sight.

“If anything my head hurts more than this. I promise it looks worse than it feels.” He lied, not wanting to worry you further. “I got it under control.”

Quinn had always been one to try and shake things off himself, but after tonight he desperately wanted to distract himself from not only the pain but also to forget about how the night had started.

The first period had been rough, especially for him. It was a low-effort skate from everyone and that’s exactly what the fans were seeing. He struggled to think of ways to encourage his team or even help them out, but there’s only so much one guy can do.

When they entered the locker room he was determined to shift gears. Tocchet was barely able to get a word out before Quinn took the lead, getting his team back into a winning mindset. He was always looking for ways to improve himself and the team, and if they could focus and get their heads back into the game, he knew that would show that improvement.

What he hadn’t expected was the mental toll it would take on him. He was exhausted both mentally and physically. He wanted nothing more than to get home and fall asleep since he expected you to already be in bed. But when he saw you awake and attentive to his needs, he wanted to simply sit and enjoy your presence.

“I can tell you’re tired, Quinn. Can I do anything or do you just want to head to bed?”

“There is one thing you can do for me.” He smiled, instantly gaining your attention, “Kiss me?”

You blushed at his request, slowly leaning in to press a soft kiss against his lips. “Better?”

Quinn smirked, “Think you might need to do it a few more times.”

Compiling, you kissed him again, letting this one linger a bit longer before pulling away again, an expectant look on your face, and a non-amused one on Quinn’s. He let out a sigh before pulling your leg over his lap, allowing you to straddle him. Bringing a hand up, he entangled his fingers gently in your hair, pushing your head slightly towards him to connect again.

It quickly began getting heated, a soft kiss turning into a full-blown make out session on the couch. Your hands wandered across his upper body, beginning to tug his shirt up when your knuckles made contact with his bruise, causing him to bite down harshly on your lip.

You yelped at the pain but also realized what you had done causing you to pull away from him. “I’m so sorry,” Quinn reassured you quickly, trying to pull you back in, but you pushed against his force. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this tonight, I don’t wanna hurt you, Q.”

“Y/N, it’s fine. You’re not gonna hurt me.”

“I just did! You’re hard not to touch, and I just don’t want to make it worse.” You mumbled, shying away from his touch and trying to return to your previous spot on the couch.

Quinn was quick to stop you, “You trust me?”

You nodded, the question being a no-brainer. Quinn sat you down on the couch, walking over to the doorway to fetch something out of his bag. You weren’t sure what it was until he sat back down, returning you to your previous straddling position.

“Quinn, what are you-?” He cut you off, taking your hands behind your back, pushing you gently to lean a little bit forward, tying the fabric of his suit tie around your wrists and securing it tightly behind you.

“Now you can’t hurt me. So please, shut up and kiss me.”

His boldness caught you off guard but you had no time to be surprised as he tugged you down to kiss you yet again, You moaned against his mouth, the feeling of being restrained shooting a thrill throughout your body.

The apartment suddenly felt hot and you knew it wasn’t just you who was feeling it. Quinn reluctantly pulled away, laying you down on your back as he stripped himself of his shirt and pants, his boxers coming down with them.

Your mouth fell agape at the sight, but he had no time to notice as he hastily pulled off your bottoms, throwing them somewhere on the floor below you.

“So fucking beautiful, baby.” He admired, shifting his body to hover above yours.

You wanted to tug on his hair desperately, but they were still bound behind your back, “Q, please. Wanna touch you.”

Quinn chuckled, “Wanted you to touch me too, but you were so worried. Let me help us relax, yeah? I think we deserve it.”

A whine was all that escaped your lips, bringing a smile to Quinn’s face. He sat you up yet again, his smile quickly replaced by his lips parting as he guided your hips to lower down onto him. You moaned softly at his pace, taking his sweet time to dwell on the feeling before bottoming out.

He didn’t move, his hands resting tightly on your hips as he felt his muscles decompress. “You wanna do me a favour, sweet girl?”

You nodded, “What do you need, Q?”

Quinn looked up at you with tired eyes, “Fuck yourself on my cock.” Your eyes widened at his vulgarity, “I worked so hard tonight. Think I deserve it, don’t you?”

Too stunned to respond verbally, you pressed your body up slightly by using your legs, before letting yourself drop back down. Quinn groaned at your movements, fingertips digging deeper into your skin.

You repeated the motion, setting a gentle, soft speed in order to let him relax and indulge in the pleasure. It felt good for you too, but you were fighting to resist the urge to go faster. You found yourself so lost in thought that you barely registered the feeling of Quinn’s hips snapping up to meet yours, picking up the pace slightly before settling back down and letting you take over.

“Fuck, Y/N. Feels so good.” He moaned, letting his head fall back onto the couch.

Leaning forward, you began to litter kisses on his neck, eventually switching to suck on his skin, leaving purple marks along his shoulders and collarbone. Quinn sighed, letting his eyes flutter shut at the feeling of your lips on his skin as well as at the feeling of the relatively slow pace he had managed to keep you at.

“You’re so perfect.” He babbled, losing himself in the pleasure, “So sweet to me, ready to help me relax after such a long night.”

You whimpered at his words, the sweetness of them rushing straight to your core. “Quinn.”

Quinn perked his head up slightly, “Yeah? What do you need, baby?”

“Need to go faster. Please.” You begged, the slow tempo becoming unbearable.

He nodded, using his hands to guide you into a quicker speed, your hips dropping onto his faster than they had before. The desperate desire to cum was increasing by the second, and Quinn knew it by the way your moans got louder and your walls clenched tighter around him.

You were trying your best to keep up with the pace you had longed for, but the burn in your thighs was getting harder to ignore and with your hands being bound behind your back, there wasn’t much you could do to support yourself, “Quinn…”

“Tired already?” He teased, grabbing your jaw so you’d face him, “Imagine how I felt tonight, baby. Got shoved and slashed every time I got the puck.”

You cried out, the knot in your stomach getting closer and closer to snapping. “My hands! Please, Quinn. Please.”

Quinn only wanted to push you so far, so keeping your hands tied at this point just seemed cruel. He tussled with the tie for a moment before unwrapping the knot, letting your hands breathe. One immediately found his shoulder, using the newly added support to help them speed up to a pace that had Quinn moaning, while the other found a home in his brown locks in order to avoid his bruise.

“Fuck. Gonna make me cum.” He groaned, “Don’t stop, Y/N.”

His words alone were enough to tip you over the edge. You whined as you let go, body trembling as you submitted to the euphoria, face dropping to rest on his shoulder. The feeling of you leaking all over him caused Quinn to cry out, his release coating your walls white as he nipped at your neck to muffle his sounds.

Your connected bodies stayed limp, heavy breathing echoing off the walls as you both came to. You were the first to move, pressing a kiss on his shoulder before tilting your head to the side to get a look at him.

Quinn’s eyes stayed shut, chest heaving as calmed himself down, his body feeling at ease for the first time in 24 hours.

“Relaxed?” You asked, leaning up so you could look at his face properly.

He blinked his eyes open to meet yours, “Definitely. We should really do that after every game.”

You laughed softly, pressing a loving kiss on his lips that he gladly reciprocated, “If it makes you feel better.”

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sammyjoeee · 7 months ago

Text

HOW DID IT END ???? THATS CRIMINAL

illicit affairs | thirty

*two months later*

My time with the tour ended before it even began. Noah got really sick, tried to push through it but it was no use. He was on the brink of permanently damaging his vocal cords so the band decided collectively to cancel the rest of the tour, rescheduling the dates for a later time. 

When we got back from the tour, Noah took a turn and he wasn’t himself. He became so secluded. He went as far as turning one of our guest rooms into an office and locked himself in there. He wouldn’t even come to bed to sleep anymore, and when he wanted to eat he either ordered himself something or went out to get food. I tried everything to help but he kept brushing me off… I eventually just gave up.

A couple weeks ago I ended up going back to my job at the hospital on the days Liam wasn’t home. I started taking double shifts and working 16 hours a day to just get away from Noah. I started to get this unnerving wave of deja vu from when I was married to Tyler. My own home had became my personal hell again.

“Where are you going?”

I came home from a shift to see two suitcases on our bed with Noah’s clothes in it. I stood there bewildered since I hadn’t seen him in our room in weeks. He wouldn’t even look at me, he just kept throwing clothes into his suitcase with no organization. He was frantic, had his hood up so I couldn’t even see his face.

“Noah?!”

He finally stopped, a long breath left him as he looked at me for the first time in forever. My heart felt like it was going to shatter. His eyes were so dark and he had even darker circles under his eyes. His stare that once felt like sunshine was now stone cold. I wanted to feel sorry for him but how do you feel sorry for someone who pushes you away.

“I need to leave.” Hearing his voice again caused my stomach to flip, “being here isn’t helping my headspace.”

“You did this to yourself though.“

He paused, zipping up his suitcase with such force, “I just need to start working on our new music.”

“You were supposed to do that here, with me.”

“It was a mistake to think I could do things up here.” He replies, not taking his eyes off his hands he stuffed into his hoodie pocket. I was so starved for his touch that all I wanted to do was hold him and tell him he was going to be okay, but I knew it was no use.

I could feel my bottom lip starting to shake as my voice broke, “do you even want to live here anymore?”

“I don’t…know.” His own voice began to crack too, almost as if being here was tearing him apart, “I just need go back to LA for a bit and figure things out.”

“Fine.”

He sarcastically huffed, looking back over at me, “that’s all you can say?”

“Noah since we came back from tour I’ve fucking hated being in this house.” My voice going from breaking to being coated with rage. I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall, burning a hole through his chest. “So you being gone will actually give me some breathing room.”

“I don’t want us to be over.”

“We can talk about that when you get back.” I replied through pursed lips. “Maybe I need to figure out what I want because it’s certainly not this.”

“I understand.”

Silence hung in the air like an unwanted ghost haunting the both of us. Was he going to change? Maybe. What worried me was knowing this could be the start of a vicious cycle. If he came back from LA happy, how long did I have until he turned on me again?

“Can I ask you one thing?”

His face softened a little as he gazed over at me, “anything.”

“Why did you make such an effort to be here with me if you were just going to run back to LA when things got hard?” He opened his mouth to speak but I wasn’t done, “could you not handle the fact that I was with someone else?”

“You said it yourself that you didn’t love Matt.”

“I could’ve grown to love him.“ I admitted, “but I loved you more.”

“I sometimes wonder if you even love me. The way you look at him makes me feel otherwise.”

“Don’t turn this on me because you don’t want to answer my question.” I spat back, “have fun in LA.”

“Ellie …”

I walked away before he could see the tears forming in my eyes. It was strange, the feeling that washed over me. I felt like I was watching a stranger in an airport bar. My head hit the back of the couch as the tears I tried to fight escaped the corners of my eyes. I heard movements upstairs followed by his footsteps coming down the stairs. I was half expecting him to just walk away but he actually came and found me as another beat of silence hung in the air.

“I’ll call you when I land.”

I knew it was an empty promise so I just nodded my head slightly. I think he only said it to soften the blow of what was eventually coming. His body shifted away from me as he walked towards the front door. The second that door shut I knew I’d be faced with the reality that this was the last time we’d be under the same roof. It was equal parts surreal and alleviating.

Come one, come all, it's happening again

The empathetic hunger descends

We'll tell no one, expect all of our friends

I can't pretend like I understand…How did it end?

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sammyjoeee · 7 months ago

Text

He was so happy to be on stage with his friends. I can’t.

339 notes · View notes

sammyjoeee · 9 months ago

Text

ALSJSJSJDUDEHEBE I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS PLOT TWIST

Just Pretend-Chapter Twenty Nine

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit.

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut(18+), star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse, talks of death, depressive thoughts, talks about not being able to conceive, and endometriosis.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: So what originally was supposed to be a super long chapter, I decided to cut it in half! So JP will end with Chapter Thirty-one! Also, this chapter speaks HEAVILY on endometriosis and not being able to conceive so please, read with caution if that may be a sensitive topic for you. 🖤

Tags[CLOSED]: @blueskylinesx @missduffsblog @hayleylatour @sleepyomens @loeytuan98 @artificialbreezy @marvelousmal @bngurngheart @lma1986 @dsireland86 @wild-child-7747 @calleyx13 @illmakeyousaywow @jaded-and-hollow-souls @exitwoundsx @shayzillaaaa @badomensls @princesspeach-00 @shadowseve @collective-heartbreak @klutzy-kay24 @sorrowsofsilence @sweetlittlekitsune @shilohrosechicken @itsafullmoon @toospooktocute @niicoleleigh @thatchickwiththecamera @hoe-for-daddywise @whenthesummerdies @thisbicc @sammyjoeee @joe9cool @ozwriterchick @teenblues @malice-ov-mercy @krisslee18 @xxkittenkissesxx @happi-goth @embracethereaper42 @softvgold @cncohshit @heyyoplayer @rain-down-on-me @bloody-delusion-expert @respectfulrebel @reader13000 @koskeepsake @malerieee @cheyyyyr @myownthoughts12 @noahsbong @laurpartyprogram @cloudykoookie @jessiskyee @a1ex-ba1ex @sideeyenoah @emzandthevoid @badomensls @bellaboo967 @waake-mee-up @rxdlstgn @anthemheatwave @lobolocaamo @cncohshit @amelia-acero @karenfranco @collidewiththesavannah @xserenax-13 @bleachampion @thepastelfae @supersquirrel1996 @madomens @themodern-daywednesday @oxythoughtin7715

THIS IS FICTION. NONE OF THIS IS REAL.

READER

I paced the entire bathroom while muttering under my breath and cracking my fingers nervously. My heart was beating so fast, I felt like it could explode out of my chest like one of those aliens in that one movie Davis made me watch last night. I grasped at my chest underneath my shirt, desperately hoping the pounding would stop.

This was the longest five minutes of my life.

I peeked at the timer on my phone and sighed; two minutes and 12 seconds left to go.

Weeks of feeling sick and sheer exhaustion had been nothing new for me, especially with my endometriosis. But there was something new that had me in this current position of nervousness.

My period was late. I’d always been regular, every month if falling either on the same day or two days difference but never this late.

Two weeks late.

My bottom lip was raw from how hard I’d been chewing on it and my feet ached from how fast I was pacing the space of the cold bathroom; Noah made sure to set the A/C to a chilled 66 degrees before he left this morning. Our plans of meeting had been pushed back by an hour because of my last minute decision. I knew he was wondering where I was since I heard his text tone while the timer had been going.

Excitement filled my veins because of the small idea that our future together could finally get the thing we both secretly wanted. Something that would make us complete.

I rested a hand over my stomach as I stared down at the timer on my phone.

Quickly hitting the cancel button, I took a deep breath and slowly reached for the overturned test on the bathroom counter. So many different thoughts ran through my mind; names, genders, color schemes for the nursery, who they would look like, and how loved they would be.

Negative.

I blinked slowly at the words on the pregnancy test, feeling my heart drop down to the depths way below my stomach. All the happiness I felt for possibly overcoming the hard parts of my endometriosis shattered in pieces around me. The prospect of a life that was never meant to be mine was ripped from my hands before I even had a chance to grasp it.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I blew out a shaky breath, doing whatever I could not to let the negative test break me. I should have expected it, women like me with these issues can't get pregnant. A baby and family with Noah wasn’t meant for me.

Kuma came bounding into the bathroom, shaking off the excess fur that had been littering the ground lately causing Noah to run to the store the other day to buy a Roomba.

Letting the test fall to the bathroom counter, I reached down to pet Kuma between the ears and sniffled away my tears.

“Hey bud. Ready to go?”

With a wag of his tail and a bark, he followed me closely as I went about the bedroom now, gathering my things. I was going to drop Kuma off at his favorite dog daycare on my way to meet Noah at the location for the next Bad Omens music video shoot.

Noah.

Pausing in the middle of my bedroom with one arm in my jacket and the other pulling up my leggings, I reached for my phone that was placed on the bed.

Mochi 🍡: I sat in the chair for almost six hours to look like this so when you walk in, you better still love me.

Attached to the text was a picture of Noah, one that made me let out a small yell of surprise.

Me: Woah, is this what I have to look forward to in the future? If so, sign me up.

Mochi 🍡: All yours for as long as you want, angel.

Even through the pain and utter feeling of loss, I broke out in a small smile.

Me: Hm, forever seems good to me.

Mochi 🍡: Ditto.

After sending him a text to letting him know I’d be there soon, I finished getting dressed and walked into the kitchen with Kuma trotting behind to see Michael giving himself a pep talk in the reflection of the patio door that led out to the backyard.

“I thought you would have left by now?” I asked.

He smoothed out his hair and adjusted his jacket. “I would have but I’m so fucking nervous. I’ve been on dates before so I’m not sure why this one has me shaking.”

“Because you like her, Michael. You’ve been talking almost every night. She’s waited almost a month of you taking things slow to ask her out. Lori wants this just as much as you do,” I said while ruffling his hair and scurrying away before he could retaliate.

As I reached the front door and clipped on Kuma’s leash, I noticed Tay coming down the stairs.

“Hey, you still don’t mind picking up Kuma from daycare tonight, right? I’m not sure how long I’ll be at this shoot.”

She eagerly smiled while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Definitely! Jesse and I were planning on taking him to this cute little dog cafe downtown if that’s alright?”

It was my turn to nod. “He would love that.”

“Everything alright?” Tay questioned while raising a brow. “You look like you’re about to cry.”

Blinking rapidly, I cleared my throat and averted my gaze down to the ground. “Just tired. Noah’s been gone the last couple of days for this shoot. I don’t sleep well without him.”

Tay sighed while grabbing both of my hands, forcing me to look at her. “You can talk to me, you know that right?”

Pulling my lips in a thin line, I nodded. “Ye-yeah. I know. I promise I’m fine.”

Before she could say anything else, Jesse emerged from the back yard through the kitchen patio doors where he had been cutting the grass; shirtless. Tay’s attention was immediately averted towards him which I used as my opportunity to slip away.

Waving goodbye to them, I put on a brave face and prepared myself to shift into work mode, hiding the pain behind the smile on my face.

NOAH

I bounced on the soles of my feet, excitedly waiting for Y/N to arrive. My one gloved hand was shoved deep in my coat pocket while the other was out as I stared down at the makeup that went into making it look old and wrinkled; along with my face. We never had plans to make a music video for Just Pretend but with how it blew up over night on Tik Tok and we realized how much people love the song, we knew it had to be done.

Just Pretend was mine and Y/N’s song, something that was meant for the two of us. But my mind immediately began to run with ideas on how we could make the music video work for our Concrete Jungle universe. Thankfully, she was on board with the entire idea even though she was a bit worried about her being in the music video with me.

“It’s just your arm and bracelet, angel. No one will see your face.”

“Five minutes, Noah!”

Glancing over my shoulder towards Erik, I nodded. “Y/N’s almost here.”

Erik Rojas nodded with a sly smile before looking back at the computer monitor, going over what we had shot yesterday with the younger couple in the music video. I worked from 8 in the morning to nearly midnight and by the time I got home and crawled into bed next to Y/N, she was fast asleep. This morning, I left even earlier with a kiss to her forehead. For nearly six hours, I sat in a chair so the make up department could age me by sixty years.

“Well, who’s this handsome fellow?”

Turning on my heels, my heart soared into my chest when I saw Y/N walk through the door of the building we were shooting the video in, her usual glow behind her; one that I immediately noticed was muted gray, darkness creeping in.

“Are you alright?” I questioned while cupping her cheek with my gloved hand.

Her face faltered, only for a moment, before she gave me a bright yet forced smile. “I’m tired, that’s all. I can’t sleep without you.”

The pain was evident behind her smile. I parted my lips to ask her again but Y/N was quick to change the subject.

“So this is what old Noah looks like, huh?” She tapped my wrinkled cheek before scrunching up her face in disgust at the large premade stain of my white shirt. “How bad is it bothering you that you can’t wash that?”

I groaned while letting my eyes shut. “So bad.”

We both shared a laugh as I brought her into my embrace, catching her wrist with my gloved hand. “Did you wear your bracelet?”

Motioning towards her caught wrist, I pulled down the sleeve of her jacket to see the silver chain around her.

“I never take it off, Noah. You know that.”

All I could do was nod, the festering feeling of Y/N hiding something from me was a storm inside of me. We always talked to each other about things that were bothering us so it upset me that she tried to keep this to herself. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, I could read her like a book and she was the part where the main character was about to do something drastic to keep their secrets. Knowing that now wasn’t the best time to bring it up, I averted the subject for the time being.

“Does this old man get a kiss from his best girl?”

Y/N hummed while stepping on the tips of her toes and brushed a kiss across my lips. It was one that was barely felt, gone before it registered in my brain. Something unlike her.

“Angel,” I began but she was swiftly called over by the make up department, needing to get her ready for her part of the music video.

Giving them a nod, she turned back towards me to ruffle my hair. “I’ll see you in a bit, mochi.”

She slipped through my fingers like a ghost, further creating distance between me; physically and spiritually. My gaze lingered on her, long after she was gone, and I tried hard not to let the worry I felt for her cloud my mind today. We still had a lot of work to get done on this music video.

“Noah, you ready?” One of the assistants helping out Erik called over to me from his position next to the old chair surrounded by monitors.

“One second,” I said while pulling out my phone and clicking on the ‘House Boy’s’ group chat.

Me: Did Y/N seem weird to you guys this morning?

Michael: Nope. She gave me shit about being nervous for my date with Lori.

That was normal for her.

Jesse: Tay said when she ran into Y/N before she left, it looked like she was about to cry.

My head snapped up from my phone down to the hallway where Y/N had just walked down moments before.

She was crying?

Me: Something seems off with her. I tried to talk to her about it but she blew it off.

Jesse: I’m sure she doesn’t want to ruin the mood for the shoot. Maybe try talking to her about it again later?

I sighed, knowing that Jese was right. Both Y/N and I were professionals when it came to our work; here wasn’t the place for a conversation that could potentially lead to her crying.

Me: You’re right.

Me: Also, Michael, can you feed Salem? I noticed his food bin was empty but didn’t have time to refill it on my way out this morning. We keep the extra bags in our bathroom closet.

Michael: That’s a weird place to keep extra bags of cat food. But sure. I’ll do it for my bud Salem.

Pocketing my phone with a breath, I shifted into work mode and spent the next little while filming my part of the video; finger pressing the button of the remote in my hand and clawing at the tube in my throat. It was pretty easy and went smoothly. By the time I finished, Y/N had returned dressed in a white cardigan sweater and her left arm done with the special effect make-up, her bracelet sparking under the low light of the set as I sat up from the chair.

“I still think we should have aged you by sixty years so we could match,” I joked as she reached me.

“Will you read to me by the ocean when I’m old and gray?” She teased while pulling me closer by my own sweater to press a kiss to my lips.

“Until our last dying breath,” I vowed with all the seriousness in my voice.

Our eyes met in a fiery trance, neither of us wanting to break it first and the longer we stared at each other, I could see the light slowly beginning to ignite behind hers once again. The light that was her halo, however, was still flickering.

“Are you ready for your big moment?” I asked as we began walking down the long hallway towards the made up hospital room where Y/N would be.

She snorted while linking our fingers together, hands beginning to sway between us. “All I have to do is lay there while the doctors try to save my life. Just show the bracelet and make sure it looks pretty.”

I pulled us to a stop in the hallway, twirling her around and pulling her into my chest; her laughter echoing all around us.

“That shouldn’t be too hard for you because you’re always pretty,” I winked before capturing her lips into a kiss.

This one had a bit more force than the last but I could still tell something was bothering her. It pained me that I wasn’t able to talk to her about it because it was evident that something happened this morning before she left the house, something pretty important that she felt the need to keep hidden.

My phone buzzed three times in the pocket of my pants but I ignored it, deciding to keep Y/N in my arms just a few seconds longer. She brushed away a few strands of hair from my face.

“I can’t get over how good you look,” she breathed over my lips before pushing away from me and following Erik into the room at the end of the hall.

With a cheeky smile, I walked back towards where I was previously sitting in the chair with the monitors around me. The plan was for me to wake up from my memory core dreaming when the memory of my younger love was dying and follow the doctors down the hall to where old Y/N was laying in the bed dying.

My phone buzzed again in my pocket as I sat back down in the chair and when I fished it out of my pants, I gave a confused furrow of brows at Michael’s missed call and texts.

Three of them, in fact.

Michael: DUDE WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING YOUR PHONE.

Michael: Has Y/N said anything to you more about what was bothering her?

Michael: I fed Salem by the way.

Knowing I only had a few minutes before we needed to start shooting again, I quickly typed up a response.

Me: No she hasn’t. She seemed fine now when I was talking to her. I think whatever was bothering her, she’s over it now.

Michael: You sure about that?

“What?” I muttered under my breath.

Me: What the fuck do you know?

I couldn’t wait for his response because soon Erik poked his head into the room. “We’re about ready.”

Tossing my phone over to Bryan who had been on the set with us taking pictures, I pointed to him. “If I get another text from Michael, will you let me know?”

He nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Even though my mind was whirling from Michael’s texts, I did my best to not let it affect me. All we had left was a few hours of this music video shoot and then once we were back home, I could talk to Y/N about what the hell was bothering her.

READER

Stifling a yawn behind my hand, I dragged my feet up the freshly cut lawn towards the front door, ready to put an end to the very long and exhausting day. The darkness of the night sky blanketed over me, bringing a chill to my bones. The thought of being able to wash away today and crawl into bed brought a small smile to my lips, although it never reached my eyes.

Glancing over my shoulder towards my car, I expected Noah to be following behind me but I frowned when I remembered he stayed back on set for a couple of reshoots he and Erik wanted to do. Pulling out my phone, I sent him a quick text.

Me: I made it home. I’m going to shower and get some sleep. Please don’t be too late, I miss sleeping next to you for more than a few hours.

Noah responded before I even had a chance to pocket my phone.

Mochi 🍡: I’m actually leaving now. Erik is forcing me to leave since I’ve been here since 8 this morning. Save me some hot water? I need to scrub this glue shit off my face.

Smirking, I stepped through the unlocked front door while typing away my message.

Me: Better yet, I’ll wait for you to shower. Save water, you know?

I wasn’t able to see Noah’s response because I jumped, nearly dropping my phone when my eyes landed on the figure sitting in the corner of the barley lit living room. His eyes darker than the cloud that had been hovering over me all day and I took a large step back against the wall behind me, clutching my chest.

“Please tell me you told him,” Michael sat up in his chair, elbows on his knees.

I swallowed thickly while adjusting the strap of my bag on my shoulder. “I need to take Kuma out.”

I made it all of two steps before he rose from his spot, his deep voice stopping me in my tracks.

“Did you tell Noah?” He repeated again, this time more stern than the last.

“What are you talking about?” I semi snapped, turning towards him.

“Don’t play dumb, Y/N.” Michael scoffed while resting his hands on his hips. “I found it.”

My face blanched, all the color draining from it and I cleared my throat. “I have no idea-.”

“Fuck, Y/N. You left it on the bathroom counter!” He exasperated while running a hand through his already disheveled hair.

“You went into my bathroom?!” My voice was raised as I pinned him with a thin stare. “That’s an invasion of privacy, Michael!”

The sharpness of his face softened just a fraction with the hardness of my tone so he let out a long sigh.

“Noah asked me to grab the extra bag of cat food from your bathroom so I could feed Salem. I swear I didn’t touch it but I saw it lying out on the bathroom counter,” he explained.

Fuck.

I remember getting distracted with Kuma this morning so I never threw it out. I left it out on the bathroom counter, out in the open for anyone to see; for Michael to find.

“Did you tell Noah?” I questioned with a tight grip on the strap of my bag, knuckles turning white.

Michael shook his head. “No. It’s not my business to tell him. Do you plan to?”

I let out a staggered breath while shifting all of my weight from one foot to another. I thought about telling Noah about what happened this morning but with how busy we were today, I never found the best time to. And to be frank, the work space wasn’t exactly a perfect scene for this kind of conversation.

“It’s better he doesn’t know, Michael,” I blew out a shaky breath as the tears welled up in my eyes.

The walls that I had made to block myself from the dreaded feeling of failure were crumbling, cracks withering deep within my soul. Noah would have been crushed if I told him and the last thing I needed was for him to feel like he was the failure when none of this was his fault.

It was on me.

Michael gently took off my bag and set it on the couch before wrapping his arms around me. His familiar embrace brought on the tears, rapidly falling in quick succession and I gripped at the front of the shirt, letting the feeling of my shortcomings and lies overcome me.

His large hand rubbed at my back. “It’s alright, Y/N.”

“Why would he want to stay, Michael? I’m broken. Unfixable. He doesn’t deserve that,” my sobs were muted by his gray sweater as I buried my face into Michael’s chest.

Sympathetic hands lifted my chin so I had no choice but to look into his eyes.

“You. Are. Not. Broken.” Michale’s word were punctuated by a tender squeeze of my cheeks.

I couldn’t speak, couldn’t even nod with how from his grip was, so I remained silent.

“Noah still loves you, even with these flaws you claim to have. You know deep in your heart that he deserves to know the truth because if he finds out another way, it’s going to hurt him even more than you keeping it a secret,” Michael said.

I did my best to nod. “I-I know.”

“Good,” he kissed the top of my head in a protective brother sort of way. “I’m sorry if I came at you like a dick. It wasn’t my intention.”

I gave him one final hug before pulling away. “It’s alright. You were just worried about Noah. I’ll tell him. I just need time to process everything. I haven’t had a chance to breathe and mourn the idea.”

Michael nodded. “Understandable. Just don’t want too long, okay?”

“I won’t,” I sniffled.

With one final hug, I made my way through the kitchen down the long hallway towards my bedroom, with the sole intent of cleaning up the mess from earlier. As I stepped through the threshold, my aching heart doubled in size at what I saw. Salem and Kuma both curled up on the bed. Kuma had his large paw on top of Salem’s back, almost as if he was keeping him in place on the bed.

With a faint smile, I pulled out my phone to snap a picture just as Noah came barreling through the door seconds behind me; Salem and Kuma jumping from the sudden noise.

“Fuck!” I clutched at my heart, it beating hard in my chest.

Noah’s almond eyes were bright with excitement even with all the prosthetic glue stuck to his face still.

“Guess what?!” He asked while gripping my elbows.

I giggled at him as he gently shook me. “You can say avocado correctly?”

His smile faltered only for a fraction of a second. “You’re lucky we're in a time crunch otherwise I’d bend you over the bed and smack your ass for being a smart ass.”

Swallowing thickly, I managed to ask him what he was so excited about.

“Courtney called me while on my way home, I guess their opener for their show tomorrow night can’t make it because their van broke down. She asked if Hollow Souls could open up? The only reason why she called me was because she didn’t have your number.”

My heart was beating so loud in my ears, I thought for a second I misheard him so I had to wave a hand, stopping his rambling.

“Wait. Courtney as in Spirit Box? She wants my little band to open up for her?” I asked, dumbfounded.

There was absolutely no way a band like Spirit Box wanted Hollow Souls to open up for them? We weren’t on the same level as them; us farther down the list.

Noah chuckled while kissing my lips before moving about our room to start packing a bag. “Give yourself some credit, angel. Hollow Souls is one of the biggest metalcore bands right now.”

“Yeah but-,” the words trailed off as I chipped away at the fading nail polish.

“Y/N,” he sighed while setting down our matching pair of duffle bags on the bed. “You know Hollow Souls is where they’re at because of all the work you, Chase, and Malcolm have put in. Toot your own horn, angel.”

My lips curved up in a smile, knowing that he was right.

“I’m assuming you already told Chase and Malcolm?”

“Yep, they’ll pick us up in an hour. We figured we leave tonight and that way we’re there before soundcheck.”

Nerves ate away at my insides, this being the first time Hollow Souls performed on stage in quite awhile. We did have a future tour planned in a few months so this actually was a good way for us to dip our feet in again.

“Where’s the show?” I asked while finally starting to pack my own bag, Noah nearly finished with his.

“Las Vegas. It’s a two night event but they only need us for the first night so I thought we could do something fun while we're out there,” he suggested.

“Us?” I questioned while zipping up my suitcase.

Noah smirked, showcasing his pearly whites. “Courtney asked if I could come out during Holy Roller.”

I quipped a brow. “You guys do know both of you on stage together are going to kill everyone, right?”

He walked past me, leaving a kiss on my cheek. “Just think of what would happen if we were on stage together.”

I watched in horror as he walked towards the bathroom and I nearly stumbled over my feet to stop him; never having the chance to clean up the pregnancy test I left behind earlier. I beat him to the bathroom seconds before he could walk past the doorway.

“Uh, I’ll pack up the toiletries. Do you want to make sure that Jesse and Michael are fine with watching Kuma and Salem?”

Noah tilted his head towards me, confusion etched on his features. “You know they don’t care, angel.”

I pursed my lips. “Right. But I just want to make sure. Since it’s last minute, I’m not sure if either of them have something already planned.”

If he didn’t believe my words, he made no mention of it. Instead, he nodded before quickly stepping out into the hallway right outside our bedroom, yelling down to the living room.

“MICHAEL?! CAN YOU WATCH MY KIDS THE NEXT TWO DAYS?”

Rolling my eyes, I called over my shoulder while scurrying into the bathroom. “I could have just done that!”

“Then why didn’t you!” Noah shot back playfully as I scooped up what was left behind on the counter, forcing myself not to adhere to the rejection, and throwing it into the trash next to the toilet.

READER

I sat with my back against the headboard, knees pulled up to my chest as my sketchbook lay across my lap. It had been a very long day due to travel, and I only wanted to lay in bed while wallowing in my own failures. We returned back from Vegas earlier this morning, the last four days a whirlwind of emotions that I had yet to process. From the moment Hollow Souls opened up for Spirit Box, to seeing Noah perform next to Courtney, and from running into someone who I spilled all of my secrets to; one who understood.

My fingers were black from the charcoal clutched between them while Kuma lay at the end of the bed and Salem perched on Noah's pillow. I hummed a quiet tune, finding myself deep in the zone that helped keep the moment from last night out of my mind. All of my hopes and dreams were crushed in a matter of minutes and it was something that was still severely affecting me. I made a mistake, one that I was afraid I’d never return from. I refused to let Noah know what happened. It was a secret that I planned on taking with me to my grave.

"Angel?"

"Hm?" I answered Noah, not bothering to look away from my sketch.

"What's this?" He asked, voice stern with anger.

Glancing over to his frame as it stepped out of the bathroom, I sucked in a breath when I saw what he'd been holding. All of the colors drained from my face as the room around us shifted on its axis, everything falling away from me without giving me a chance to grasp it.

Shit.

My negative pregnancy test. The one I thought I had thrown away before we left; four days ago.

Swallowing thickly, I set down my sketchbook and sat up straighter. “What is that?”

Noah’s eyes narrowed in on me as a scoff left his lips. “You tell me. I found it in the bathroom trash can.”

“Why are you digging through the trash?” I asked, deflecting his curious eyes as I picked at a loose thread of our blanket.

He rested his hands on his hips, still holding onto the damn test. “I went to empty the bag and noticed the test sitting on top. How long has it been there?”

“It’s none of your business,” I shook my head, not bothering to meet his gaze anymore, unable to process the look of pure hurt on his delicate features.

“Bullshit!” Noah spat with such force in his voice, it made my face flinch. “I’m tired of how you’re keeping things from me! It started last night with Joe and now this-!”

He held up his hand, waving the test around. “You don’t get the right to hide something like this from me, Y/N!”

“I didn’t keep Joe a secret from you! I told you he was there,” I reminded him, still sitting on the bed.

Kuma and Salem could feel the tension rising but made no effort to leave us.

“You won’t tell me what you two talked about,” he reiterated, our earlier conversation from the car still lingering between us.

Last night while we were in Vegas, I ran into Joe in the lobby of the hotel we were staying in. nothing, nowhere had a concert in a few days hence why he was in Vegas. Noah was up in our room, sleeping, and I had come down to get more towels from the front desk. Instead of hurrying back up to Noah, I stayed with Joe catching up on one of the couches in the lobby. I spilled everything to him about my hopes and dreams of a family with Noah to the negative pregnancy test. Joe was there as a shoulder to cry on as I poured my soul out to him, bleeding out and barely holding onto my heart.

After an hour of conversation, I promised I would keep more in contact with Joe and headed back up to my hotel room, where Noah was still fast asleep. It wasn’t until this morning I brought up that I had run into Joe and spent part of the night talking with him. When he asked what we talked about, I merely told him we just caught up while talking about both of our separate music careers. If Noah caught on that I was lying, he made no mention of it as we drove home with Chase and Malcolm in the backseat; neither of them knowing my secret.

For the briefest of moments, I thought that Noah had forgotten about the test in his hands.

“Did you take it this morning?” He tossed the test onto the bed before running a hand through his mahogany streaked hair. It had been a while since I gave him a haircut so the strands were always falling into his eyes.

“What was the result?” Noah asked when I remained silent, still keeping my eye cast down to my lap.

Since it had been a few days, the negative lines faded, not showing Noah the result. When I still said nothing, not finding my voice to tell him the truth, I could feel his displeasure radiate off of him in droves.

“God dammit it, angel! Look at me, please!”

The sheer brokenness in his voice as it cracked finally made me raise my head up towards him. “I’m tired of you shutting me out. I deserve to know what the result was.”

Noah slowly reached for me, hands linking with mine as he pulled me to my knees on the bed so his tender fingers could caress my cheek. Tears ran down my face, unable to hold back any longer. For days I did my best to keep up the facade that everything was fine, I wasn’t falling deeper and deeper into the abyss of defeat. But one longing glance from Noah as his eyes bounced between mine had me crumbling.

“Angel,” his voice was rough as he begged. “Please tell me it was positive.”

A broken sob fell from my lips when I saw the hopeful gleam in his eyes and did my best to shake my head in his grasp.

“It was negative.”

Noah now stood before me a shattered shell of the man he’d spent so long protecting. Every ounce of happiness that he had expressed from that one look was gone, replaced with an all too familiar one.

Disappointment.

“When did you take it?” He wondered, again doing his best to stay strong; not just for me but him as well.

“The morning of the Just Pretend shoot,” I admitted in a quiet breath.

Noah’s brows pulled together in a line before his hands fell from my face. “You knew about this for the last four days and you didn’t tell me?”

My lips parted, unable to speak when I realized I had outed myself about my secret.

“Were you even going to tell me, Y/N?” His voice shook, trying his best to not break down. But his eyes shone with tears.

Slowly licking my lips, I did my best to ignore the way my heart was beating so loud in my chest it felt like I was about to cave in. My world was collapsing, slipping through my fingers because of my own failures and stupidity.

“No,” I answered in a breath.

NOAH

Tossing my gym bag next to the front door, I let the cool air help dry the sweat dampening the back of my neck as I stepped farther into the house. It was quiet, eerily quiet for a Tuesday afternoon. Typically Jesse would be in the studio garage working on ERRA stuff while Tay would be at work and Michael would be either playing a game in the living room or reading out back. They were in neither of those places. Even Kuma was gone but I didn’t fret too much about that one, knowing that someone had dropped him off at daycare earlier today. He was steadily growing in a house that was already too small for an Akita so he needed the extra space of the play yards at daycare to run around, exerting as much energy as he could before coming home.

Salem was perched on the top part of his cat condo in front of the window in the living room; the one I had bought for him when we first moved in here. The sun’s rays blanketed him in a bright glow, his black fur almost shimmering.

“Hey bud,” I cooed while scratching his ears. “Is mom home?”

A futile question. Y/N had barely been home the last couple of weeks, spending whatever free time she had either at Malcolm and Chase’s place recording stuff for Hollow Souls or helping Astrid out at Fika. They were down two workers and with Jolly being tied up in the studio with us, it meant Astrid was back to working long hours. Y/N, being the kind soul she was offered to help out. What originally was supposed to be a few days helping out turned into two weeks. Y/N would wake up in the morning before the rest of the house and leave with a kiss to my lips. Some nights, she wouldn’t return home until well after I was in bed with Kuma and Salem. I never questioned her about it, knowing that she was telling the truth on where she was due to her location on LIFE360. I also never questioned her about her long days and nights knowing that it was her way of coping with the negative pregnancy test.

We hadn’t talked about it since that night I found it in the trash. Part of me couldn’t help but think it was because Y/N was ashamed of the result. She knew how much I wanted a family and felt like a failure that she was unable to give me that. Even though I assured her all the time that between her and our pets, that was more than enough family for me.

My words meant nothing to her. It was as if it went through one ear and immediately out of the other. No matter how much I repeated them or spoke them into the skin of her neck as we lay tangled together in the sheets, it did nothing to fill the empty void in Y/N’s heart.

With a deep sigh, I dragged my feet through the empty kitchen, down the hallway towards my bedroom. The door was closed which gave me pause almost immediately. Whenever Y/N or I left, we always kept the door open, in case Kuma or Salem wanted to come and go. According to LIFE360, Y/N was again at Fika, so with the closed door in front of me, I couldn’t help but wonder who had been in our room.

Pushing the door open, I peered inside to see the bed still made just how I left it before I went to the gym and the patio door still cracked open to let in the chilled autumn air.

Maybe a gust of wind shut the door?

Letting out a choked breath with the familiar feeling of being forgotten clutching my jugular, I kicked off my shoes into the closet and trudged into the bathroom. The air was cold, not from the air conditioner but from the absence of the one that held my heart; the one my soul yearned for time and time again when Y/N was away.

Cliche but I didn’t care. She was my other half, the moon to my stars and the sun to my rays. When Y/N was too far away, the invisible string that ties us together nearly disintegrated. But when we were together, nothing could cut the string. It became invincible with the love we shared.

Again, cliche. But I couldn’t give a fuck what anyone thought.

Stripping out of my gym clothes that clung to me with dried sweat, I tossed them into the hamper next to the shower and turned the dial all the way to the left, letting the steam slowly begin to fill the bathroom. I stretched my arms above my head, muscles screaming in agony from how far I pushed myself today with Ash. I had weeks of pent up emotions that I was unable to exert any other way than in the gym. Ash knew something was wrong but didn’t want to pry, especially when there were others around that could easily eavesdrop on our conversation. Not like I would have told him because no one knew about the negative test besides Y/N and I.

Well, scratch that; Michael knew only because he saw the test on the bathroom counter. He promised us that he wouldn’t tell anyone about it and we knew we could trust him. This secret wasn’t his to tell.

I finally stepped into the scalding shower, the water hitting against the large tattoo on my back as I hung my head low, mind swirling to thoughts of Y/N and what she was doing currently. I texted her when I left the gym if she was going to be home for dinner, to which she responded with two simple words.

Angel 🪽: I’ll try.

Bullshit.

She never tried. Any chance Y/N could do to avoid the problems between us, she took it. She opted to help out others before herself, running herself rampant and nearly in the ground rather than face our problems head on. Y/N put others before herself, which wasn’t anything different. Yet this time, it was worse. I couldn’t remember the last time I actually watched her eat a full meal or had more than six hours of sleep.

We all could tell she’d been on edge the last couple of days, afraid that if we said one wrong thing that Y/N would snap. It felt like we had to walk on eggshells around her because of this fear. Tay wouldn’t say it but I could tell she was uncomfortable with the energy Y/N had been radiating, making the tension of the house thick with negativity. We knew it wasn’t her fault but there was only so much more one of us could take.

Me especially.

Y/N had been pushing me away ever since we came back from Vegas but Michael assured me that it wasn’t intentional. Deep down I understood that but my heart hurt everytime I would reach for her in bed and she would brush off my touch or turn away when I would attempt to capture her lips in a kiss. If she wasn’t the one initiating the contact, Y/N would push me away.

Once the water had run cold, I shut off the shower and stepped out, wrapping a towel low around my waist. Steam covered all the reflective surfaces but I didn’t bother to look, not caring to notice yet again the dark bags under my eyes. With Y/N being gone so often, I felt like I’d barely slept.

When I walked back into the bedroom, I saw Kuma curled up in the overly large dog bed in front of the patio door, snoozing away unbothered.

“Who picked you up, bud?” I muttered mostly to myself as I walked into the closet, pulling on a pair of briefs and black joggers. Then slipping into a plain white shirt, I hung up the towel back into the bathroom before walking out into the kitchen, towards an array of weary voices.

Suddenly I remembered that we were having everyone over tonight for a barbeque and more than anything, I wanted to crawl into bed with Y/N, who was standing in the middle of the kitchen with a pulled expression on her face. Her skin had lost all its color and the dark circles under her eyes were worse than my own, indicating she was getting less sleep than me.

As soon as I stepped into the kitchen, Kuma immediately ran towards Matt, who held Boo in his hands. After a quick greeting, Matt set down his dog to which both of them ran through the open patio door into the backyard. Feeling me watching her, Y/N looked up from slicing the tomatoes, resting her tired eyes on me.

“Hi,” I said while shifting on my feet. “Did you pick up Kuma?”

She made a grunt that sounded like a yes. “After I stopped at the store to buy everything for tonight. Something I thought you were going to do.”

Davis and Jolly, who were standing next to me, stiffened with the tone in Y/N’s voice. Matt and Faye were leaning against the wall next to the fridge and I could tell that they were having their own hushed conversations. Micheal and Jesse were outside, getting the grill ready. Astrid was standing next to Y/N helping her set up the side dishes for the dinner tonight and she rested a soft hand on her arm.

“Y/N-,” Astrid began but Malcolm, who was stocking the fridge with drinks muttered something in her ear.

I clenched my fists at my side when I realized how we all were yet again walking on eggshells around Y/N. I loved her but it wasn’t fair how she was treating us. But I bit my tongue knowing that if I snapped back at her, it would only escalate the situation.

Chase came up from behind me and rested a hand on my shoulder. “Just let it go, Noah.”

I planned too, like I always had but Y/N spoke again.

“I thought you were going to stop at the store to pick up stuff for dinner tonight,” she grumbled as she sliced a new tomato.

“I forgot that the barbeque was tonight,” I admitted while stuffing my hands deep into my pockets.

Y/N rolled her eyes before angrily slicing the tomato now. “Figures. Did you by chance pick up my packages from the PO Box?”

I swallowed. “I was in the studio all morning and then went to my training session with Ash right after. I didn’t have time. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t fucking talk to me about not having time, Noah,” this time when she sliced into the tomato, it rocked the cutting board. “I asked you to do two things tonight while I was gone. I’d been running myself ragged helping everyone else. The least you could have done is gone to the fucking store.”

My jaw clenched as I was about to retort back; however someone beat me to it.

“Y/N,” Faye’s soft voice echoed in the filled space of the kitchen as she tentatively took a step towards her. “Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh? Noah apologized.”

Y/N dropped the knife and whipped her head towards Faye. “This isn’t your fucking business, Faye. Stay out of it!”

Matt quickly pushed himself off the wall and stood between the two women. “Take a second and cool off, Y/N. Faye did nothing to warrant you snapping at her like that. She’s concerned like the rest of us are.”

“Fuck off! It’s not a concern. You guys just want to control me and my life when in fact you don’t know shit about me or what's going on!”

Matt’s eyes narrowed from underneath his hat. “Of course we don’t know what’s going on! You don’t talk to anyone. Noah says you’re barely home anymore, too busy helping others when you can’t even help yourself. You don’t even see how you’re hurting everyone around you because you don’t even see yourself.”

Malcolm stepped forward but Matt’s snarl pinned him in place.

“I don’t know what you’ve got going on outside of us, this family, but it’s been eating away at you. You’ve been in a nasty ass mood and if you think treating the people who love and care about you like this is going to make it any better, you’re dead fucking wrong. Our family is strong and while it’s not perfect, we fucking work through the bullshit together. If you think you can continue going on and dealing with your shit alone, then you’re destined to fail.”

My eyes never left Y/N as Matt’s words hung in the air, dancing around her in a mocking tone.

Failure. Failure. You’re such a fucking failure.

“Alright that’s enough!” My voice boomed, causing everyone to stop what they were doing and Jesse with Michael trailing behind to step back inside.

“Noah-,” Matt started but I pinned him with a glare as I stepped around the large island towards Y/N.

“We need to talk. Now!” I demanded while linking my fingers with her and all but dragging her down the hallway towards our bedroom.

The door vibrated against the walls as I slammed it shut behind us, not giving Y/N a second to speak before I started to speak.

“What you did out there,” I pointed towards the closed door. “Was so fucking wrong on all kinds of levels.”

“It wasn’t her business!” She shot back while crossing her arms over her chest.

For the first time since I laid eyes on her tonight, I noticed she was burying herself underneath my yellow sweater; almost hiding herself from everyone. Her usually styled dark hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, wild strands falling into her tired face and either she was too weak to brush them away or couldn’t be bothered to care. Even through all of it, she still looked breathtaking.

“Faye didn’t do anything! You didn’t need to snap at her like that.”

Y/N raised a brow while scoffing. “So what, you’re taking her side now?”

I blinked for a moment before letting out a very long breath and ran a hand through my still damp hair.

“It has nothing to do with taking sides, Y/N. It’s the fact that you’ve been acting cold towards everyone. You’ve been avoiding the issues at home by keeping yourself busy in places that don’t need you.”

“Astrid needs my help,” she fought back. “Fika has been busy every day since the new menu and the open mic nights every Friday.”

“She hired three new people this week alone. Does she really still need your help?” I questioned while resting my hands on my hips.

Y/N pursed her lips, no words forming on them.

Point proven.

“When you’re not at Fika, you’re in the Hollow Studios,” I blew out a shaky breath when my voice began to crack. “You’re putting others before you. You’re always helping other people out instead of taking care of yourself. When was the last time you ate something more than a granola bar or a salad?”

She was still quiet so I continued. “I’m tired of seeing you exert all of your energy on others when you’re barely hanging on, angel.”

It was as if my nickname for her softened the hardness around her, only a bit.

“I’m fine, Noah,” Y/N sneered while pacing in front of her vanity.

It had been untouched for weeks, gathering dust along the surface. She barely took the time to do her makeup or hair. Not that any of that mattered to me, I always thought she was beautiful no matter if she wore makeup or not. But I knew it made her happy, gave her a sense of peace in this crazy life we built together.

“You’re not, angel,” I noted while taking a step towards her.

She whipped her head around to face me. “Stop acting like you know me! I’m fucking fine. F.I.N.E. FINE! I’m so tired of everyone saying there’s something wrong with me when there’s not!”

“Everyone has been walking on eggshells around you! You snapped at Faye for no reason. All she’s done is care for you!” My voice was now raised, matching hers.

“I’m not fucking doing this!” Y/N ran fingers through her hair, gripping the ends. “I can’t keep having the same argument with you, Noah!”

I scoffed. “You want to talk about being tired? I’m fucking tired of you walking away when things get to real for you, Y/N. I’m so tired of you taking out your anger and frustrations out on me. I’ve been by your side through it all yet you keep lying to me!”

It was her turn to scoff, almost immediately going on the defensive. “I haven’t lied about anything.”

My brows raised and I rested my hands on my hips. “Are you sure about that? Did you already forget about the pregnancy test?”

“Fuck you, Noah!” Her dark eyes sliced through me. “I can’t believe you’re still hung up on that!”

“OF COURSE I AM!” I bellowed, my voice undoubtedly being heard throughout the house.

Even though my back was facing the patio doors of our bedroom, I could feel many sets of eyes through the open blinds.

“You lied to me about it! You kept the result from me and had no plan on telling me. After you knew what Jessica put me through. The trauma I went through for years because of her. You promised me you would never put me through that but you did!”

Y/N’s jaw ticked as her shoulders went rigid. “I didn’t fake a pregnancy.”

“No, you didn’t. But you kept the results from me,” I reiterated. “You said it yourself you weren’t-.”

“I DID IT FOR YOU!” She screamed, cutting me off, and I cowered when something flew past towards the wall behind me, glass shattering to the ground.

Salem, who had been creeping into the room through the somewhat open door, scurried back into the hallway from the tone in Y/N’s voice and the sound of something breaking. She grabbed a picture of us off of my nightstand and threw it in her rage.

I stood in front of her, dumbfounded Y/N actually threw something. My eyes were wide as my chest rose and fell, trying to calm my racing heart, all the while Y/N looked unphased about what she did.

“I didn’t tell you because I couldn’t bear to see the look on your face when I told you it was negative. You want a family so bad, Noah. I can’t give that to you. I can’t,” her head shook rapidly.

I threw my hands up in the air. “I-I don't fucking want that, Y/N. I just want you!”

Her bottom lip wobbled as she let out an unsteady breath, refusing to meet my gaze even when I took a few steps towards her which caused her to take larger steps away from me.

“I can’t do this,” Y/N murmured while playing with the ends of her hair, turning swiftly on her feet.

She made it all of two steps towards the door when my shattered voice stopped her in her tracks.

“You promised you wouldn’t leave me again! Not like this!”

“So what if I do? Are you going to find Bailey and fuck her again?” Y/N snapped, pinning me with her hateful gaze.

I stumbled back, her words catching me off guard. I knew my decision to sleep with Bailey that night was something that still bothered Y/N, even if she pretended it didn’t. It was a decision that I still regret. I didn’t like who I was back then and the choices I made reflected the dark place I was in during that time.

“That’s low, Y/N,” I growled, the noise vibrating in my chest.

There was some sort of noise from the other side of the cracked door, something sounding like feet scurrying away and cursing. But I didn’t pay too much attention to it. The woman in front of me, the shell of the woman I love, wasn’t even phased with the words she spat at me.

“You should go back to her. She can give you what you want,” Y/N shrugged before crossing her arms over her chest, popping out a hip.

She needs that attitude fucked out of her.

Everything happened all at once; me taking two large steps towards her and pushing Y/N against the wall, pinning her with my large frame. Her hands pushed my chest, trying to create more distance between us but I slammed them above her head.

Tears burned in the corners of my eyes and my bottom lip trembled as I gazed down at her, broken and defeated.

“I feel like you’re doing whatever you can to avoid being with me,” I confessed with a sob. “If I’m not enough for you, after the negative pregnancy test, then please let me know. Stop dragging me along, pretending everything is fine when it’s not! If I’m not worthy anymore, then just fucking tell me, Y/N.”

“It’s me that’s not worthy!” She admitted while thrashing against my hold on her hands. “I’m not worthy enough for you!”

Somehow with her rage, Y/N was able to break free from my grasp around her wrists and pushed me away.

“My body continues to fail. Failing at giving you what you deserve. I can never be worthy enough for you!”

I reached for her, only for her to push me against my chest yet again. “I’m broken. Some days I sit quiet in my head lashing out in thoughts I never said! Those thoughts of how I failed you and our future!”

“Y/N, you didn’t fail,” I assured, trying to reach for her, this time smacking my hands away.

“I get so sick of wearing skin and it only gets harder to pretend that I’m not a disappointment.” Y/N wiped away the snot from her nose on the sleeve of her sweater.

“And then you stare into my fucking soul,” she pounded on her chest. “Like you know that it’s letting go of yours. I can’t take the look of disappointment on your face every time you look at me!”

“I-,” the words died on my lips, knowing that it was futile to try and argue with her because it was true.

Whether I wanted to believe it or not, I couldn’t help but look at Y/N with some short of disappointment lingering at what we could have had together. Guilt ate away at me for even feeling that way. It wasn’t Y/N’s fault that her body could give us what we both secretly wanted.

“My skin crawls every time I see you look at me with those eyes,” Y/N shivered, her upper lip curled in a snarl. “Knowing that I disappointed you.”

“Angel,” my voice caught in my throat as the tears burned in my eyes.

“No!” She screamed when I reached for here one more time and slipped away from me towards the patio doors in our bedroom.

Her face was red and blotchy from how hard she’d been crying and her breathing was erratic as she tried to calm herself. She paced the width of the room while running a shaky hand through her already messed up hair and then ripped off her sweater, letting it drop to the floor. The dark circles under her eyes stained the beauty that I adored. Gone was the sun kissed skin, replaced with a ghostly pale that told anyone who gazed at her that she wasn't alright; she wasn’t taking care of herself.

The light was physically gone from Y/N’s halo and fear sank low in my gut that I would never see it again.

“You've been through the rough, angel. Was my love not enough for you?” I questioned on an end of a broken sob.

Y/N froze her pacing to land her broken gaze on me and those lips I haven’t properly kissed in so long mimicked a fish as no words came from them. Her shoulders fell and I could practically see the air leave her lungs when her head moved the slightest fraction.

“I-.”

My body went rigid as my heart shattered when I noticed something else that was different with Y/N.

I pointed a shaking finger at her bare neckline. “Where’s your necklace? Your bracelet?”

“Fuck,” she cursed, hands flying to her neckline hoping to hide the missing jewelry she claimed she never took off.

Please, let me wake up from this nightmare.

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