sapphicdiazz

[sapphicdiazz]

terry: this guy, *slides photo accross table* i want you to shoot him in the leg

rosa: this is you

terry: sharon wants to try zumba

[sapphicdiazz]

holt: i once quoted a vine in front of jake. nobody believes him and now he lives in fear of my supposed knowledge of the internet. it’s delightful.

[sapphicdiazz]

jake: i hate feeling ostrich-sized.

amy: what?

jake: you know, like a freaky outsider. the way an ostrich feels around regular birds.

amy: oh my god.

[sapphicdiazz]

jake: terry, how do i get revenge on those who have forsaken me?

terry: the best revenge is letting go and living well.

jake:

jake: rosa, how do i-

[sapphicdiazz]

jake: *walks into a library* hey do you have any books on turtles?

librarian: hard back?

jake: yeah, the ones with the little heads.

[sapphicdiazz]

rosa: wow your legs look great in those jeans.

gina: yeah, you should see me without them.

rosa:

rosa: why would you take off your legs?

[sapphicdiazz]

jake: i love that “take out” can mean food, dating and murder.

rosa: if you’re not a coward it can be all three.

[sapphicdiazz]

amy: i’m amy fucking santiago.

jake: and i’m fucking amy santiago.

[sapphicdiazz]

amy: gentle reminder to not eat too much candy before bed.

jake: no.

amy: this was a gentle reminder, yet your words of defiance fill me with ungodly rage.

[sapphicdiazz]

rosa: how did you know i was going to propose?

gina: terry and charles haven’t been able to look at me in the eyes for the last week without crying.

[sapphicdiazz]

terry: treat spiders how you would want to be treated!

charles, sad: killed without hesitation.

[sapphicdiazz]

amy: i’m not going to stand by and watch you kill a man!

rosa: you can sit if you want.

[sapphicdiazz]

amy: what state do you live in?

terry: denial.

jake: constant anxiety.

rosa: anger.

gina: perfection.

charles: new york!

[sapphicdiazz]

amy: *barrels into jake’s life*

amy: i’m about to save this man’s whole career.

[sapphicdiazz]

jake: ten years ago today, i married my best friend...

the squad: awwe

jake: amy’s still pretty mad about it, but charles and i were drunk adn thought it’d be funny.

[sapphicdiazz]

terry: there are some names without vowels in them.

jake, nodding: like zimbabwae.

[sapphicdiazz]

gina: achoo.

rosa: bless you, no wait, go to hell.