saraelisabeth02-blog

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

Off the cuff post of the night-

but one thing people ask about a lot is.. how to define who you are outside of trauma.

and for the most part- people know who they are, what they have an issue with is actually seeing it as cohesive and then struggling the dissonance that trauma brings in (the ‘what would I have been without the trauma’ or ‘is trauma causing this’)

The best way I can illustrate that thought, is that most people view themselves as the first image, and that after trauma- it can be much more like the second one.

Both are made up of tiny individual pieces. It’s just that one comes together to look like a more easily recognized picture.

And some of that is the difference between internal pictures and outward pictures. When I look at someone else? I see them … zoomed out. I see myself much more zoomed in.

I see every little contradiction, every little mistake… where as most people wouldn’t see it as flaws or even contradictions- they see it as complexity and depth.

Part of how we learn to define ourselves and do so, is by weaving a narrative about ourselves.

Yes, part of who we are is what happened us- especially the stories we tell often. Whether they be trauma stories or a story from your school days.

Part of us is our morals, especially those we act on.

Part of us is how we interact with others, and who we interact with.

It’s our hobbies, our likes, and dislikes.

Creating a sense of self?

Is about weaving a story out of all those things. Taking individual points and seeing them both as points- and as a part of a greater picture.

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

The storms of life brought us together tragically blind to the obvious Two broken souls with delusional hearts I couldn't even stand on my own Yet I tried to hold you up through an earthquake Would have done anything for you I'm so sorry I just didn't have enough to give Life is always a disaster my foundation was to broken I couldn't help us live Wet cement couldn't hold us together Tragedy took you away before there was time for it to dry Now you are gone and I have crumbled How am I supposed to Stand? It's impossible without you here to be by my side I only see darkness All I feel is cold Drowning in pain Desperate for your touch I forget how to breathe And choke on my emotions Can't help but feel life isn't meant to be this way I'm still here but don't feel that way Trying to stand aftershocks keep me down Paralyzed by loss Overcome with fear Choking on emotions Only wishing you were here.

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

People are outraged over the killing of Cecil the lion for the following reasons. For one thing a rich white American asshole went to Africa and paid $55,000 to break the law and kill something that wasn't his.The Lion was in a Zimbabwean national park so it belonged to the people living in Zimbabwe and they loved him. He was the most famous lion in Africa and brought joy,  pride, tourists and money to the local population. He was lured out of the park then shot with an arrow causing a slow painful death that took two days. Also African lions are endangered. There are less than 20,000 left on the entire continent and over 600 are killed by trophy hunters every year 65% of them by Americans. Plus when an adult male is killed usually another male will kill all its cubs. If these lions aren't protected they may become extinct in as little as 20 years.This of course will not only be a tragic loss of a beautiful species but will have extremely negative consequences for the entire ecosystem. For another thing he is fucking dentist. Have you ever had a toothache and couldn't afford to go to the dentist? Exactly!   So please stop comparing Cecil the Lion to eating meat, abortion, or black lives. The comparison is irrelevant and I find it extremely  obnoxious  Everyone who is upset and outraged by the lions death absolutely should be. Of course that doesn't they care more about lions than people or any other issue. Remarkably humans can and should be concerned about multiple things at the same time.

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

I'm not alive

There is space in between life and death A lonely void of existence An empty alien shell of humanity. I’ve been in this state of purgatory for years. If I was to die how I would I even know?

Would the fear end?

When I was with you I wasn’t afraid I felt hope I felt human I felt joy I felt love

Ill never forget that night There was a moment I realized I couldn’t live without you For that brief moment I was alive I knew I needed to tell you that moment I should have let you know instead I said goodnight I didn’t think it was goodbye…

How could you die that night? The night you made me realize I was still alive you left me.

I have nowhere to go you didn’t just take your own life you took mine

I’m not alive this isn’t living I can’t live without you I needed to tell you that Before I had to say goodbye

So how am supposed to say goodbye now? I can’t I can’t say goodbye! I’m not alive It hurts to bad to bad For a moment with you I was alive that night you killed me too I’m dead inside

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

He was the one person I couldn't live without but I never told him instead I left him there. He asked me to stay but I went home and I don't even know why. I would have died for that boy. My beautiful boy who had no idea how amazing he was. I never had a chance to tell him. He died all alone in a bathroom after I left him. How am supposed to move on? How can I not blame myself? I don't even know why I left. I just want my beautiful boy.

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

Exactly this time last week you were here in bed with me I was sleeping on your shoulder. I remember slipped my leg in between yours and you gently rubbed my thigh. It felt so amazing! I felt so safe, secure, happy and hopeful. I never felt that way now I know I never will again. I wish more than anything else in the world that I could have done the same for you. Or that I at least would had the chance to tell you.

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

You were one of the boys I ever kissed. It must have been twenty years ago. Who could possibly imagine all these years later that I would be the last person that you ever kissed. Let’s face it we were never friends I had a crush on you from the moment I saw you and I think you felt the same way. I don’t know what it was that kept us apart all these years. Was it drugs or other relationships? Was it jobs or mental illnesses? Or was it simply the fear of falling? So many times we would start to get close to each and before it went further we would pull away. These moments play over and over in my head right now. I would give anything for just one more. Just last week you said with certainty if we ever would have slept together you knew we would have been in a relationship. I thought there was still all the time in the world for that to happen. I truly hoped that it would yet said nothing. It didn’t seem like the right time to. Now your gone There is no hope. There is no time. There is only regret. Did we never have a chance or did we have a million that we let slip away?

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

Guys this is important my favorite Russian President is missing! #PutinYourheart #putin #vladimirPutin #PutinMissing #Ruspol

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

Sweet idea!

okay so…. I don’t know if I’m gonna do this or not yet… I’m just kinda seeing who would be interested……. but…… if I was to set up a PO box from this week through the week of May 24th, would anyone be interested in sending cards/letters/fan art/whatever for some sort of scrapbook for Noel Gallagher…?

I’ll be going to his show in Chicago on May 29th (which is his birthday), and I was kinda thinking about giving him a letter or something… but how awesome would it be if he got a scrapbook full of letters and cards and thank you notes and art from his fans?????

would anyone send stuff in?? like I’ll get a PO box so you can mail stuff, but I’ll also set up an email so you can just type something and I’ll print it out and put it in the scrapbook for you, if that’s easier??

I’m gonna tag a bunch of things so just like/reblog this post if you would be interested in sending something in!!

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

Noel talking about Liam #mancrushmonday #MCM #noelgallagher #noelgallaghershighflyingbirds #liamgallagher #Oasis #oasisband #pretttygreen #beadyeye

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

We are the scum that remind people of misery. When we jump on the stage it’s not rock ‘n’ roll cliche but the geometry of contempt. We don’t display our wounds, we shove them in people’s faces. We are the decaying flowers in the playground of the rich. We are young, beautiful scum, pissed off with the world. 

Richey (1989)

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

So far today has been a really good day! My Brit pop obsessed heart might explode! Seriously! #noelgallagher #manicstreetpreachers #noelgallaghershighflyingbirds #theholybible20 #britpop

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

Tomorrow's to do list 10:00 am- get tickets for Noel Gallagher! 01:00 pm- get tickets for Manic street Preachers! Rest of day - totally freak out #manicstreetpreachers #noelgallaghershighflyingbirds #theholybible20 #godlikegeniuses

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

I can't even explain how excited I am about this! I really didn't think the Manics would come to the US at all! I've never seen them and wasn't sure if I would ever get the chance. Plus their playing the Holy Bible one of the greatest albums of all time. Its gonna be amazing!!!! 😃😀😄😍 #manicstreetpreachers #theholybible20

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

The Clash featured in Smash Hits magazine, 1980

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

Noel Gallagher on terrorism having weekends off and more….

[saraelisabeth02-blog]

The Swamp Song