sassy-hr

[sassy-hr]

Uh oh. Looks like it's time to get out the "You're fired loser" stick and chase Sandra off the premises with it. Sorry/not sorry Sandra.

"Dear Head of Human Resources,

I trust this message finds you well amidst our office's newly established debating chamber. I'm reaching out to highlight the daily political rallies, courtesy of Sandra, right beside my desk. Her fervent immigration debates, broadcasted via megaphone, have turned our workspace into a live-action forum. Despite her belief, Mohammed was hired for his superior aptitude, not to irk her. However, Sandra's incessant tirades, often directed at Mohammed, have become his unsolicited welcoming committee.

Sandra’s dedication to fostering political discussions during work hours is indeed a sight to behold. Her assertion that our modest requests for a quieter workspace are affronts to her freedom of speech is an irony lost on none. The audacity of us, indeed!

I’m keen on discussing how we might navigate this impassioned new dimension of our work environment at your earliest convenience. Your guidance on how to handle the relentless political discourse, especially when it's impacting those in senior positions who were hired for their competence, not their political stances, would be much appreciated.

Looking forward to your sage advice on this matter.

Warmest regards..."

[sassy-hr]

This is how every Organisational Development program turns out.

Las leyes de la física son inquebrantables.

[sassy-hr]

Seriously thinking about a blog now...

"Inspirational Leadership": Making It Up As You Go Along

So you want to be an "inspirational leader." If people like Elon Musk can trick a bunch of engineers into building electric cars, maybe you're setting your sights too low. Aim for the moon, even if you're not sure what's up there!

Here's how:

1. Spew Nonsense: They Won't Notice

Let's face it, most leadership jargon is word salad. Toss around buzzwords like "disruptive innovation" and "exponential thinking," and people will assume you've read every Harvard Business Review article ever written. Here's the trick: cobble together actual words into nonsense phrases and you're golden. People will eat up concepts like an "empathy circle," but don't cross the line into gibberish like "Floofle Hupper." Nobody knows why it works rhis way. Just roll with it.

2. Aim High. Bit higher. Higher. There you go: Skip the Mailroom, Go for CEO

It's a well known fact that outrageously incompetent people can easily attain the highest possible positions (just ask anyone in Britain or the Unites States about electoral history. Only don't use that phrase in the UK as we have had some aeriously awful Education Secretaries). Perhaps your previous failures were also steps toward something grand. Failed to secure that mailroom internship? Maybe your next application should be for a juicy CEO role."

3. Inclusive Plagiarism

Why shoulder the burden of decision-making when your team can do it for you? Ask for their input, nod knowingly, and then regurgitate their ideas as your own groundbreaking strategy. You’re not stealing; you’re "leveraging collective intelligence."

4. The Vision Thing: Embrace Vague Grandiosity

Forget SMART goals; they're for the uninspired. Talk about "transformative kindness" or "revolutionary sincerity" instead. Your team will then, of course, work 60-hour weeks to decode your cryptic visions into actual, workable plans.

5. The Art of Confusion: When in Doubt, Baffle

Nervous that your staff might catch on to your charade? Reject their perfectly adequate reports with confounding comments like "Needs more zeitgeist" or "Lacking in quantum synergy." Then, ask them what they think could have been improved as if generously allowing them to fix their own mistakes. When they stumble upon an answer, scribble it down and proclaim it as the next big thing—see step 3.

There you have it: your foolproof guide to being an "inspirational leader." The great thing is, it's all so abstract and absurd that no one will notice you're making it all up. And even if they do, by that time you'll have failed upward into a position where you're too important to question.

[sassy-hr]

Why Bother with Continuing Professional Development When You’re Already Perfect?

In today’s fast-paced business environment, you might hear whispers about the importance of “continuing professional development” or CPD. But let’s be real—if you couldn't already do the job, why would they have hired you? Here’s how to maintain your already flawless career trajectory without the inconvenience of actual growth.

1. Wing It, Win It

You're not a rocket scientist—unless you are, in which case, you should already know everything. For the rest of us, if the company wanted an expert, they'd have hired one. You’re here to bring your unique blend of guesswork and moxie to the table.

2. Multi-Task Learning

Why waste precious time on e-learning modules when you could be catching up on daytime TV? Open that mandatory online course in one tab and ‘Loose Women’ in another. Pay enough attention to click “Next” every so often, and you’re golden.

3. The Quiz Retry Method

Most online training comes with a quiz at the end, designed to "ensure comprehension." Joke's on them—you can usually retake it until you pass. Click random answers while sipping a latte. By the law of averages, you’re bound to pass eventually.

4. Fudge Your CPD Hours

Many professions require a certain number of CPD hours per year. Keep a loose interpretation of "professional development." Does a lunchtime debate over the best sports team enhance your negotiation skills? That’s an hour right there.

5. Get Creative with Conferences

Some people recommend attending conferences for networking and learning. But thats for chumps! Pick up a free buffet lunch and sit at the back playing Wordle and avoiding conversation. Be sure to check your welcome pack for an attendance certificate. If it's included you can pretty much leave after lunch. If you avoided speaking to anyone, nobody will notice you've gone!

6. Overvalue Experience

If anyone questions your lack of formal development, remind them that experience is the best teacher. Ignore the fact that you've been doing the same tasks, the same way, for years—that's years of expertise, thank you very much.

7. The Power of Perception

People believe what you tell them. Update your LinkedIn with buzzwords like "Strategic Thinker" or "Change Agent." Nobody actually knows what these words mean, but they can't admit that - and they don't know that *you* don't know. Suddenly your credentials are beyond question.

[sassy-hr]

Job interview tips:

How to approach questions about weaknesses.

Everyone has flaws, whether it is a tendency to help themselves from the till, or beat coworkers with a rubber tube - but only weak candidates ever admit to them. Instead, outwit your interviewer, demonstrating you are more capable than them at the game of work to secure that next big promotion. Try practising the exercise below so you are ready for the real experience.

Interviewer: "How would you describe your greatest weakness?"

You: "Concisely."

Be wary at this point, a wily interviewer will follow up with a "probing question" if they feel you are concealing information.

Interviewer: "Would you describe your greatest weakness for me?"

You: "Yes."

Interviewer: "Will you do it now, please?"

You: "No."

Some interviews will score this question. If so you may have to provide an example. A good way to do this is to confuse the interviewer, hopefully making them question why they are asking you to self-sabotage. For example:

Interviewer: "Can you describe a time you overcame your weakness for me?"

You: "Once I was so good at working that I completed an entire year of work in a single afternoon."

Interviewer: "That doesn't sound like a weakness."

You: "Sometimes I inspire jealousy in colleagues as a result of my incredible work-based skills."

At this point the highest scoring interviewees will describe a hidden strength as a way of resolving the weakness.

You: "Luckily I'm extremely empathic and have excellent communication skills so I was able to explain to my coworker why it was OK not to be as good at work as I am."

Interviewer: "I find it difficult to believe that they liked that."

You: "We were married the following Spring."

It is also important that you evidence claims made at interview so consider bringing a marriage certificate if you have one.

Follow me for more interview tips.

[sassy-hr]

Register to vote by the 22nd for #GE2017. Do it now!! If you remain silent you'll never be listened to #WhyImVoting http://thndr.me/h1lu5R