saturnsenby - Tumblr blog

[saturnsenby]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[saturnsenby]

Negative Space

The greatest love songs are just weak imitations of your heartbeat.

Thats what i learned with my lips on your jugular vein.

You taste like real fuckin music babe.

I couldn’t replicate it if i learned to play every instrument ever made

The sweetest poetry nothing but a mockery of your face

Don’t laugh at me,

But i get frustrated with the stars for trying so hard to look like your freckles and still failing.

It doesn’t seem fair that the cosmos have been here for eons,

And then you come along

Taking over the gravitational pull of everything

Easy like the universe lives between your guitar strings.

But i get why it would want to.

There aint nothin in this multiverse like you.

If every dimension had its own color with unique depths and hues,

I would still wear you.

I swear every time i start a piece now you’re the red im trying to recreate

Nothing in my extensive paint collection adds up to your eyes quite correctly

How did falling leaves get it right so effortlessly

How do i see you in every negative space

[saturnsenby]

he's got a sadness about him you only see in catholic stained glass windows

[saturnsenby]

dreamy sigh followed by agonized sobbing

[saturnsenby]

The death of a star takes a fraction of a second.

Days to build the fireball,

Months for it to fade.

No one is really sure why it has to end that way.

And it has been so long that even the red dwarves have gone to rest.

Nothing but me and these little planets left.

When do you wake up when you are the sun?

When do you sleep?

Ive been pondering this as you orbit me.

Never close enough to really feel my heat.

But how lovely you are at this distance.

How lucky i am to shine bright and long enough to see

If you ask the comets,

You’re the most amazing thing in the sky

It takes just a fraction of a second for a star to

-halo

[saturnsenby]

It’s best to give off a warped image of yourself online. Share contradictory pieces of information, post at inconsistent hours, express opposite extremes of your character, and so on and so on. 

[saturnsenby]

Trigger warning for graphic imagery

Marionette

I still remember the fall,

From the core of the earth to the depths of your soul.

You tasted of cosmos and salt.

I remember kissing you before every shot and thinking

“This would be just perfect with lime”

You said i was like sugar and songs.

Loved the way i danced for you,

Loved the way you moved in me.

We painted murals down every street in your city with our love

How silly i was not to see that when you signed your name at the bottom of our world,

You never left room for me.

I was fine with letting you carry me until i realized that i

Was living in zero gravity.

I still remember the fall,

From the outskirts of heaven to the bottom of this hole,

How you smote me from your arms and damned me to your failed love memories,

But i guess thats sorta hypocrisy.

I still wonder when you’re really going to leave,

When i’ll feel it,

When i’ll be susceptible to gravity.

I am living here in suspension like taxidermy,

‘Cause everyone comments on how my eyes have become so glassy.

I feel the stuffing in my ribcage that used to be lungs everytime i try to breathe.

I still remember the fall,

But i dont recall,

The striking the bottom,

The feeling.

I wish when you filled me up with insulation and cum,

You had positioned my arm over my heart so i could tell you i dont think its beating.

I think it stopped when your tires started spinning,

But so long after your first incision.

You made sure to keep me bleeding for as long as my veins would nourish your vampiric tendencies.

You made sure to keep me breathing.

Did i taste more like sugar and music when you oxygenated me?

I still remember the fall,

When you slit my throat and bent me at the waist to fuck me until you were done cumming and i was done bleeding.

Did you think to yourself “finally.” As that last drop fell from my tongue to your feet.

Did you like how i never stopped moaning?

Even after i went limp,

Did you like how i never stopped feeling?

Is this what all these strings are for,

The gears now contracting my pussy,

The warmer inside my belly?

Were you just trying to preserve the useful parts of me?

I still remember the fall,

And i think it might still be happening.

How do i escape from zero gravity?

How could you put such a lovely marionette like me on a shelf so dusty and leave?

When did i become failed taxidermy?

I swear i was doing my best to function for you properly.

But i suppose that’s what little boys do with toy hearts they keep on breaking.

Lock them away from the light for safe-keeping.

So why am i feeling so lonely?

Its not like here on this display i dont have company.

I feel like even my shelf-mates dont see me.

But like myself their eyes are nothing more than painted glass beads.

I wonder why you didnt sign your name on the bottoms of my feet when you were done with me.

Maybe i simply wasn’t an art piece.

You were having trouble with detailing.

I wont wait for apologies i’m,

So fucking sick of waiting,

Of trying to breathe.

What the fuck was that sound?

I almost thought my missing heart let out a feeble beat.

Maybe you felt it better from between your teeth where you are still drinking me.

I hope i am bittersweet,

And that it taints my meat so that you stop consuming me.

You are consuming me,

Like the budding necrosis in my cheeks,

The way you didnt bother to take the time to embalm me.

Just stuffed my throat with insulation and cum,

Used that tongue to slowly eviscerate me.

I still remember the fall of my intestines through glass ceiling,

And how the hollowness in my core only deepened the needing.

How demanding of me,

Wait,

There it is again,

The bleeding,

The pulse that won’t stop trying,

Pulmonary artery that wont stop reaching.

How strong of me,

To realize that im not falling,

Im levitating.

And i never left heaven,

It became me.

I can feel it like heartbeating wings,

Angel comradery

Does it hurt to realize im no longer crying,

Im glowing,

And you can keep your useless strings,

Bastardized vaginal walls that were perfect from the beginning,

Throat that will never stop singing.

I reclaim my lungs like roadkill and taste the air once again when i breathe.

Like salt and lime,

I am perfect with just me.

Like the songs i wrote on your soul that you will never be able to stop singing.

I hope every time you do,

The melody stings.

I still remember the rise,

From the prison of your arms to the depths of me.

I remember when i stopped screaming,

When my insides finished weeping and knit themselves back into place and into angry,

As i have every right to be.

But you dont deserve the symphony of my agony.

This song is just for me.

And you had your time to sing along,

So as i take my throne in the cosmos my advice to you:

Get comfortable falling,

I wont be supplying you strings.

[saturnsenby]

The Louvre Is Obsolete

Ink lapped over the bones in my spine like blood,

Or fear.

I was born a sun-bleached skeleton before color washed the backs of my eyelids.

I felt the tides of animation swell and fill me from the balls of my feet,

Sea foam meeting and dissolving unmanicured toes,

And i fail to remember sometimes if I am the ocean or if i am me.

Lile beauty from a syringe,

I am full of needleholes too insignificant to acknowledge on their own but consuming enough as a whole for damnation

Every step i’ve taken from that beach has left inkblots in my wake,

The kind of vision test that begs you to feel something,

Beckons with unliftable stains.

I was a sun-bleached skeleton still until the first time i felt rain.

It blurred my outline until i bled out onto everything around me and for so long, i wore white-out like foundation.

I just kept spreading.

For so long afraid to ruin the bigger picture with my structureless watercoloring.

I tried evaporating to fit inside some kind of fine line,

Over-pigmenting in other places just to stand out,

and i became this mess of smudges and eraser marks and strokes so deep i ripped myself underneath.

Lately i say i’m something of a concept piece,

Something abstract from which you need demand nothing as it lays bare ready to don the theme of the room.

I used to feel like such a dissatisfying gallery,

When i couldnt be every room at once.

It is ever so flattering to live in a frame until you realize you can’t move.

I no longer don filters when the masses sell their souls for a viewing.

The price of entertainment is morality,

But isn’t this painting so pretty.

How fascinating an artist i must seem,

Encased myself in glass and stained my veins so now every time i bleed someone comes and calls it a masterpiece.

What a way to encourage the content we love to see.

There is nothing i hate worse than an art gallery,

More blood on the Louvre than a mortuary,

More ghosts behind walls than the catacombs,

And you smile and laugh and point in their faces.

You sell them to your gaze as they stare back at you frozen,

Every moment of silence like whiteout around their outlines.

Damned to view the whole world from one place while it mocks them with every second, a new reality every day.

But you just pull what you want to see from picture frames,

Forgot what it was like to be the canvas as it took the strokes you take for granted,

Bore every splattering of paint, or blood, or fear.

For so long i wanted to make it into an art gallery.

Wanted it so bad i made myself into one so no one could tell me i didnt fit the theme,

Only realized a gallery is nothing but a cemetery for vibrant expression when the walls of the Louvre crumbled with time and rusty hook restricting me fell to dust on the nape of my neck.

I felt my glass skin shatter and my heart spill free onto a tattered rug,

And ive never seen anything else quite as beautiful.

[saturnsenby]

[saturnsenby]

Shout out to the first humans who found out which animals are dangerous and which are not

[saturnsenby]

Everyone says Satan is evil, but he only punishes bad people making him the fairest of all idols

[saturnsenby]

“discover this body is haunted”

— — Wanda Coleman, from “a romantic marriage,” The World Falls Away

[saturnsenby]

Man Director // Woman Director

[saturnsenby]

[saturnsenby]

[saturnsenby]

Do y’all know where the phrase “eat the rich” comes from or do you just repeat it cause you heard it elsewhere?

It’s not a bad thing, I just saw someone say “we never said who would eat the rich” and realized a lot of y’all might not have heard the full quote

It’s from Rousseau and it’s “When the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich"

And, well, there’s a lot of people with nothing to eat…

[saturnsenby]

don’t touch people that don’t want to be touched!!! people might not want to be touched due to abuse, people might not want to be touched due to sensory issues, and some people just don’t like it. i don’t care how weird or ‘sad’ it is that you can’t touch them, just don’t fucking do it. their comfort is more important than you poking them or hugging them.