sawwyouuinadream

[sawwyouuinadream]

Hi 👋, My name is Mohammad, and I’m reaching out in a moment of desperate need. I’m a father of three young children living in Gaza, and we are caught in the midst of a catastrophic war. Our home is no longer a safe haven, and the future here seems increasingly uncertain. 💔

I’ve launched a fundraising campaign with the goal of raising $40,000 to relocate my family to a safer place where my children can grow up in peace and have a chance at a brighter future.

Unfortunately, my previous fundraising efforts were abruptly halted when my account was terminated without explanation. However, I remain determined to keep fighting for my family’s safety and well-being. 🫶

If you could take a moment to read our story, consider donating, or simply share our campaign with others, it would make an incredible difference. Every act of kindness, no matter how small, brings us one step closer to safety and a new beginning. 🙏

Thank you for your time, compassion, and support. ❤️‍🩹

https://gofund.me/fd1faea2 🔗

please help mohammad as much as you can guys <3 he's reached his goal but I believe his family might need more

[sawwyouuinadream]

october '24

its fall again and youre somewhere i dont know. you come to me like visions when i sleep and when i wake up and every time i don't think i think of you. of how youre just a mélange of contradictions. how youre so brave and so cowardly at the same time. how youre so kind and so cruel. so sweet and so bitter. so cute and so so sexy. how you were so careful and yet so careless with me. how you let yourself go but keep yourself shut. become my everything and then nothing at all.

i wonder how you live like that...;

i think of all the dreams i learnt to dream because of you. now they're still there and you're not. i still dream of going to grad school and having my apartment and my cat. but you won't be there. i don't think of dying anymore though. maybe i'll live with the pain of truly never knowing you, but i think of living so much more now.

i wonder how it would feel if i took you out on a real date and you brought me to your real home and laid me on a bed you sleep in often. if i hadn't snuck into unknown hotel rooms with you to feel just a little bit of your touch. how it would feel to have you laying with your head on my lap on the grass in summer. and to wake up next to you and not think of that ring on your finger.

now all i have left is to wait for you to write to me one day and say you have a kid with him. or maybe you'll go back to your town and get your friends back and never think of me again. or you'll learn to love him again like before. and all that i'll have to do is accept i'm inferior to him all my life.

...;

[sawwyouuinadream]

I think of love, and you, and my heart grows full and warm, and my breath stands still… I can feel a sunshine stealing into my soul and making it all summer, and every thorn, a rose.

(Emily Dickinson)

[sawwyouuinadream]

its september and im 4 days off meds because they ran out and the doctor's appointment is next week. its september and all i can think about how happy i was in the middle of literal shit last year this time because you were with me. its september and i can't believe its been a whole year since that and two months since we've not said a single word to each other. its september and school starts next week and i wish i could tell you everything about it. its september and i cant stop crying.

sometimes im so angry at you i cant make myself write anything for you. im in therapy to get over it, you know. i make myself angry thinking about how you don't warrant any of these feeliings within me especially with how hoplessly you left me hanging without any explainations. the disrespect of it all. it bites into my skin, the humiliation- when i go to sleep.

everything you said to me, it comes back. whether you meant any of it, if it was even possible to mean any of it for someone like me. all the unkept promises in the air, whether you said it with the intention of not fulfilling them or you said them because it was getting too much to keep it to yourself. i wonder how you're keeping up with your life now, nothing should really change for you. how easy how it must be for you to pretend like nothing happened, because i simply don't exist in your real life.

my life has your claw marks on them. my friends look at me with concern that i might break again, like im a porcelain doll. my mother cooks with your chili paste once in a while even though she hates spicy food and tries to avoid saying anything .

i wish i could take everything we shared as fond memories, but i can't. it hurts too much to think about it. everything comes back, the trying to learn each other's languages, showing each other family pictures and laughing at jokes together. How you're the only person who has ever seen me naked. How I can't eat spicy sechuan soup without thinking of you. I wish you gave me a closure but the silence speaks everything it needs to.

[sawwyouuinadream]

from The New York Times

[sawwyouuinadream]

Song, Allen Ginsberg

[sawwyouuinadream]

x / sylvia plath

[sawwyouuinadream]

Marie Howe, from “What the Living Do”, What the Living Do

[sawwyouuinadream]

[sawwyouuinadream]

“You think you’re in love, but you just want to be loved.” To Our Loves (1983)

[sawwyouuinadream]

— rhythmicrhinoceros

[sawwyouuinadream]

sneaking onto the reservoir again by Robert Wood Lynn

[sawwyouuinadream]

"Housing is a Human Right"

Poster seen in Sydney

[sawwyouuinadream]

Ada Limón, “To Be Made Whole”, On Being with Krista Tippett

[sawwyouuinadream]

musings on august        

Keep reading

[sawwyouuinadream]

i chew on the crisp summer air on my way back home after the evening shifts.

the shop reminds me of poor people. growing up i never thought i'd be in a country as alien as this, working a job that people in my family can't imagine me working in. behind the cash till, i fondly look at the kebab shop on the opposite side. the hot smoke from the grills billowing above as two men shave off meat hour after hour. people working all around me. unknown people greeting me with a smile, with a recognition you'd never imagine strangers to have. it feels oddly comforting.

i don't even think of you until i hear someone from your country speak your language, or watch someone hold the hand of their partner a little tightly, or when the coworker's husband shows up when we're about to close and waits for her inside the shop.

of all the other universes where i'm yours, i happen to be desolate in this one. perhaps in 28 billion others too. i see countless faces everyday just to stall thoughts of you.

[sawwyouuinadream]

Siouxsie Sioux, Brian Griffin, 1984