scout850 - Tumblr blog

[scout850]

Hey runners (and walkers)! Thought this might be helpful :)

[scout850]

It occurs to me that there are people who weren’t on this website in 2012 and therefore never saw the magical gif that you can actually hear:

It’s been over five years and that still impresses the hell out of me.

[scout850]

[scout850]

I mean.....

[scout850]

reminder to worldbuilders: don't get caught up in things that aren't important to the story you're writing, like plot and characters! instead, try to focus on what readers actually care about: detailed plate tectonics

[scout850]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[scout850]

Caves are weirder and more varied than you think

[scout850]

I just don’t get it. How can our society act so goddamned normal about seahorses. How can anybody so casually accept that that’s a fish???

This is one of nature’s most anatomically perverse of all beasts. A FISH, like a carp or a bass or a beta is a fish, but it bent its body straight up only to bend its head permanently back down. It stretched its skull into a pipe. It tapered its tail like a lizard, specifically like a chameleon. It can also move its eyes independently by the way, you know, like a chameleon. Fun fact, it can change color to express its mood, like you know whatever does that. It doesn’t properly swim anymore. It buzzes its few remaining fins like an insect’s wings to float itself around at a snail’s pace. It lives its whole life clinging to coral branches or seaweed, which means it decided to become a “tree dweller” in an environment where gravity didn’t even matter anyway. The males get pregnant. They make noises at each other by rubbing some of their neck bones together. Every day, EVERY DAY a mated pair does a little dance and a little neck bone song so they remember which two seahorses they were. They’re a beautiful precious obscenity. Nothing so adorable ever made such a strong case against a logical creator.

They have as little skin and meat as they could get away with. Their skeleton is almost all they are.

[scout850]

@Fanfic writers:

My friend send me this link, is a series on a profile on Ao3 (tumblr) that has different tutorials to insert things to fanfics via html code, I thought I would share bc it’s really cool

Lists of tutorials:

How to make images fit in mobile browsers

This is a tutorial/live example on how to make large images fit on mobile browsers but remain normal size on desktop browsers.

How to mimic letters, fliers, and stationery without using images

This is a tutorial/live example on how to mimic the look of letters, fliers, and stationery (as well as other forms of written media) without using images. For all your epistolary fic needs.

How to make a “choose your own adventure” Fic

This is a tutorial/live example on how to create a "Choose Your Own Adventure" fic. While this has been explained before (see here), this particular tutorial shows you how to use a work skin to hide the next parts from the reader until they click through to get to them.

How to make linked footnotes on Ao3

This is a live example of how an author can create linked footnotes in their work with only a little bit of HTML and no workskins required. This is best viewed by clicking "Entire Work". While I've included the actual coding in bold and italic once you click "Hide Creator's Style", there's a more detailed explanation here.

How to change text on Ao3 when the cursor is hovering over it (or clicked on mobile)

This a tutorial/live example on how to have text change or appear once a cursor is hovering over it. Helpful for pop-up spoilers, language translations, quick author's notes, etc.

How to mimic author’s notes and Kudos/Comment buttons

Anonymous on tumblr: do you have a skin that would mimic the author’s notes and review/kudos buttons section from the end of a fic? the desired effect being that the fic could go on after the “end” of the fic, so after the author’s notes and review/kudos buttons

Here's a tutorial/live example to do just that, with some of the buttons actually functioning. I'll explain more inside!

How to wrap text around images

This is a tutorial/live example on how to align images to the left or right of the screen and have text wrap around them.

How to mimic email windows

This is a tutorial/live example on how to mimic email windows on AO3 without the need to use images.

How to make ios text messages on Ao3

This is a tutorial/live example on how to mimic iOS text messages on AO3 without the need to use images. There's also a chapter on how to have emojis displayed on AO3 as well.

How to make Customized page deviders

Bored with the default page dividers? This is a tutorial/live example on how customize your page dividers with no images needed (though I do show you how you could use images if you wanted to do such a thing).

How to make invisible text (That can be highlighted)

This is a live example how to make invisible text that can only be seen by highlighting the text. Tutorial is included in text, and you can always leave comments about questions you may have.

MOBILE USERS: Sadly, this probably won't work for you, since highlighting in a mobile browser is different than web. I've tried correcting this, but have yet to find a solution.

How to make a rounded playlist

Original coding and design is from layouttest. I make no claims for it, just tweaked it so it will work on AO3.

How to create notebook lined paper on Ao3

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of lined notebook paper in their work. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

Sticky notes on Ao3 without using images

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of sticky notes (aka Post-Its) in their fic. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

How to make deadpool’s thinking thinking boxes on Ao3

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of Deadpool's thinking boxes in their fic. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

How to make newspaper articles on Ao3

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of a newspaper article in their work. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

[scout850]

Please, stay, love me through the weather Please, say this will be forever Hold me in the darkness Even when it's hard with you It's a little bit, little bit better

I started this when the song was new and now it's a lot less new

[scout850]

Sorry if it’s a little cramped- had to make this all fit in ten photos (I normally post to Imgur and have loads of room) . Hope you guys like it….. and again…. sorry Andrew

Follow me on Webtoons

WOW I CANT BELIEVE HOW MANY PEOPLE LOVE THIS- thank you so much. Since a few questions have been brought up about seeing my comic elsewhere- I’m happy and grateful to finally have a platform to address it.

Andrews Window Shit was first made in September of 2014. I posted it to my Imgur/DeviantArt and it has since traveled the world. It has also been stolen more times than I can count. I never thought anyone would steal someone else’s embarrassing childhood memory, but I guess that’s the world we live in.

I have seen it on 4chan a few dozen times, Imgur (which is hilarious as that’s my original posting place and I never understood their theft when I litterally was a constant member there), 9gag, funnyjunk and so on. Sadly these weren’t people reposting my work- these were people actually claiming it was theirs.

The nice thing about my childhood is it was pretty fucking unique. Because of this, and thanks to helpful people out there, it’s been relatively easy to track my stories through the web. This doesn’t always mean I get them taken down or credit given. More often than not I don’t. When I first posted these, “ristay” was not wellknown- I was a nobody but had created (apparently) some catchy stuff pretty quick. I found out pretty soon how easy it was for others to take my work- so easy because no one really knew me.

The one nice thing about the Internet is everything has a date. Whenever someone pushes me about “Ive seen this before at _____ it’s not yours” I merely ask “what was the date posted” and give them my old ass comic.

This is one of the first times (besides its first appearance on Reddit in 2014) where my comic is trending again and it’s actually under my name- I’m actually getting the credit this time.

I am so thankful for you all for sharing this. Not just because it feels good to have such support but also to finally have my own work in the light again but under its rightful author.

Thank you all a million times.

[scout850]

so often when I see people say, "I hate my writing" it's less about the writing itself and more about the fact that its theirs.

that's not bad writing, babe. it's self-hatred. ❤️

[scout850]

Here’s some good and easy comment ideas for those who feel shy or don’t know what to say but would like to leave something:

1. A classic: keyboard smash such as

Nrbdbsbbkigq or fhbdboejwbakwjev

2. THEM <3

(Fill in pronouns as needed or refer to a pairing)

3. Screaming, crying, throwing up, ect

Or it’s cousin:

4. Kicking my feet, giggling

5. [Block of copy-pasted text] I like/love this bit in particular; I like how you phrased this

6. I keep rotating [character/section of text] in my head

7. I read this while [insert what you were doing; ie: procrastinating a test, waiting for the bus, ect]

8. Extra Kudos!

9. Encore! Bravo! Magnificent!

10. [character name] my beloved

11. I relate to this so hard

Optional, include [line of text] or situation you relate to

12. Thank you for sharing!

13. 💖💖💖

14. I love how you’ve written [x character trait]

15. I love this kind of AU so much!!

16. I’m so excited to see what happens next! I hope [random story prediction here]

17. I will commit atrocities for this character!

18. This is some hella good soup!

19. This is my favorite [trope, paring, au]!

20. AAAAAA They are so [soft/traumatized/attractive]!!!

Feel free to mix and match these for an extra special comment!

Additionally, if you have some favorite go-to comments, feel free to share!

[scout850]

i must not get mad online. getting mad online is the mind-killer. getting mad online is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face my urge to get mad online. i will permit it to pass over me and through me. and when it has gone past, i will turn the inner eye to see its path. where the getting mad online has gone there will be nothing. only i will remain

[scout850]

[scout850]

😙 Hehehe...