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Btw I'm finally publishing on AO3, if any of y'all are interested my user is arwyn1203. I only have my current WIP, a garrance fic up rn, but I'm also working on one shots

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As a child Garroth learned quick what he was and wasn't allowed to say. Garte was a strict man, that was no secret, and it only worsened with time. He never wanted the king ship, he never wanted all his people to know him, and for him to know none of them. He learned what questions he was allowed to ask, and how to ask the ones he wasn't supposed to. After Zane got hurt Zianna was so distressed. A neighboring village was giving them issues, and they had lost some men already. All Garroth could think about was those soldiers families. If his mother was reacting to her son losing vision in one eye, how bad was it when they delivered those messages. How was it that the people of O'Khasis do not hate the Ro'Meaves when they are the ones sending their sons to die or get horribly injured. Despite his size and natural strength, the young Prince did love to read. He studied history, learned his family's, his people's, the land's, anything he could get his hands on. These were only a handful of casualties, and they were on the winning side, thank Irene. The books he read though, the ones of all the other battles they lost, the unknown soldiers haunted him. He swore he would never let that happen. Now he's a general leading a war. He memorizes the name of every person he sends off. The ones without families he mourns more than any other, no one else was. So many were kids, younger than he was when he first saw combat. He finds himself thinking of his father. Understanding why he couldn't ask some questions. Understanding why Garte was short tempered sometimes. He swore he would never become his father, but the longer this war went on, the more he found himself drifting towards him. He would never get that bad, never put his hands on a child, but he also swore he would never become his father

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As a child I identified with Laurance (MCD version), because I was angry, I felt like part of me had died trying to keep my relationship with my family alive, I was losing myself to a sickness they claimed they could cure me of. I didn't read MCD fanfiction back then, not that I can remember at least. The story, the characterization of Laurance and Katelyn in particular, fit what I identified with then. Ten years later, I'm an adult, like actually an adult not just over 18. Now I do read and write fanfiction with those same characters I saw myself in a decade ago. Now I find myself giving Laurance the tools I wish I had all those years ago. I bring him peace; something I am yet to have found. I don't have the best control of my anger still, but it's gotten a lot better. I write him a love story where his partner is patient and helps him accept himself. As much as I hate it, it emulates my ex girlfriend, the one that got away. I write him moving on from the trauma, because I am no longer in it. I write him a story that I know Jess will never give him. For the characters she has written will never know peace the same way few of us will ever find peace. I write it though. I write these characters who I grew up with, who I identified for reasons unknown at the time; finding peace, love, healing, and everything else I want for myself. Laurance died, 5/30/16, I found Aphmau a couple months after that. 2/26/19, and 4/12/19 part of me died, a part of me I can never get back no matter how much or long I greave. Those deaths shaped me, those people shaped me. Laurance's death, shaped him, in his death he was reborn into something stronger, angry, and lost. I was the same, I think death does that to us all. In 2019 I felt the same anger he did, the fire that burns inside us all fueled by our emotions. Laurance and I's fire, our fuel was death in those moments for those years. Now I write him no longer fueled by anger, no longer relying on that fire inside of him to get through the day, because I hope one day I will no longer be living for what I lost in myself when I faced death. Laurance was never supposed to be a shadow knight, he was supposed to meet Irene that day, instead he met Shad. I think I was supposed to die four years ago, I was never supposed to have that surgery. We live on borrowed, and with all the anger that comes with it, we deserve peace. While I may still be grasping at it at every fleeting moment, I write stories where the man who I see my best and worst qualities in is not. I write him and all the others in such a way in the hopes that maybe I'll get to say goodbye next time, in hopes that me still being on this planet will be worthwhile, and what was supposed to kill me failed for good reason. I write moments in time stringed together in a story I am still too scared to publish because so many of those moments I wish I had.

Disclaimer, I'm fine lol, I disappeared for like a month and a half and am coming back talking about how I was supposed to die in 2021. I didn't though, and I'm okay with that, I was then too. i have countless pieces on death and grief though, none of it's MCD, so it's tucked away under a different username on a different app/website. If y'all actually want to see my other writing tho lmk, there's a lot of over lap in themes

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Writing dialogue is a NIGHTMARE now, like ik thats not proper THATS THE POINT

"you can use ai to improve spelling and grammar"

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Get a job? The thing that killed Jonathan Sims?

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YALL I was with my coworkers, and it came up that I play Minecraft, this girl looks at me and goes "hypixel?", and like any reasonable person I go "techno". We talked more later, WE WERE IN THE TRENCHES TOGETHER. She watched MCD/MYS, that other group that shall remain nameless bc almost all of them turned out to be genuinely horrible (s/o max and ross for not being like that). She hasn't been up to date on everything and holy shit y'all I have been telling my friends about this bc I didnt know anyone who was in the same fandom. We also had a lot of other similar online experiences, I think I met my cishet counterpart.

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Diaries is a war story, from every angle I see it, it is a Greek tragedy, every character has flaws, hubris is a reoccurring theme, even the god figures are flawed, romance happens naturally in life, however people cannot prioritize it all the time, like in diaries, in MYS they were able to do that, their survival for the better part of the series was never in question so they could focus on other things, but in diaries, love was simply not a privilege they could have all the time, I could literally write an essay on this shit it's bad

Potential hot take but i think shipping genuinely ruined Diaries for a lot of people. And i dont mean it in fact that we destroyed the mental health of a woman because of it (whoops, sorry Jess). But in that diaries is such a compliacted, long story with so many intresting themes about power, responsibility, community and sacrafice that people just miss.

The romantic subplots are just that, subplots. They supplement the main story and add to its themes, but they arent meant to be the whole ass point. And i feel like if you soley focus on them your not really consuming diaries as a whole and more so just parts of it.

I dunno it just feels like a disservice to the series.

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This was the stove, that's how badly I failed, I picked the cheese off while it was cooking bc that was not about to sit on there

Y'all so I cook for a living, like I spend anywhere from 30-50hrs a week in a hellscape of fire, gas, grease, and other shit. I'm the resident cook for family events and have been since my grandmother died in 2019. I'm by no means a chef, but I know my way around a kitchen quite well. I got MAYBE 4 hrs of sleep, every food sounded disgusting to me, I'm on the first full day of my period and all I wanted was a grilled cheese. A simple ass grilled cheese on sourdough, with cheddar and pepper jack cheese, and some tomato and avocado. Y'all, I FUCKED IT UP, like BAD, I'm talking the bread was black and not all the cheese was melted. Maybe it's bc I'm used to using a grill, and salamander to make these but like these are a menu item, I make these at work regularly. Oh and it's a fucking GRILLED CHEESE. It's 10am and I've already had a mini crash out and I'd like to blame my period but like any proper line cook I have anger issues

I needed to say this somewhere and I can't bring myself to tell anyone in my life bc I won't hear the end of it. I thought carnitas were pork 2 yrs ago and I'm still trying to live that down

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Y'all so I cook for a living, like I spend anywhere from 30-50hrs a week in a hellscape of fire, gas, grease, and other shit. I'm the resident cook for family events and have been since my grandmother died in 2019. I'm by no means a chef, but I know my way around a kitchen quite well. I got MAYBE 4 hrs of sleep, every food sounded disgusting to me, I'm on the first full day of my period and all I wanted was a grilled cheese. A simple ass grilled cheese on sourdough, with cheddar and pepper jack cheese, and some tomato and avocado. Y'all, I FUCKED IT UP, like BAD, I'm talking the bread was black and not all the cheese was melted. Maybe it's bc I'm used to using a grill, and salamander to make these but like these are a menu item, I make these at work regularly. Oh and it's a fucking GRILLED CHEESE. It's 10am and I've already had a mini crash out and I'd like to blame my period but like any proper line cook I have anger issues

I needed to say this somewhere and I can't bring myself to tell anyone in my life bc I won't hear the end of it. I thought carne asada were pork 2 yrs ago and I'm still trying to live that down

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Okay so there are two ways to become a full shadow knight right, kill the person they were protecting when they died, and like mass murder. Laurance killed, a lot. He went to war, and then the whole werewolf marriage storyline, and then he led a rebellion, against a god. That's a lot of murder, what if he did become a full shadow knight. Stuck in the nether, the man he once was completely gone, he doesn't notice. Not at first at least, he gets in a fight, and suddenly he's stronger, more than he ever was. He catches his reflection in some metal of some kind, his eyes are red. Not the burning red with veins coming out, just red irises. He doesn't rest as much anymore either, he didn't think much of it, but suddenly more and things are making sense, and he hates it. He never knew his kill count, and even now he doesn't. It's high though, higher than he could have ever wanted. He hates this. So when only he and Vylad are left Irene offers them both the opportunity for reincarnation, and if they will keep their memories. Laurance he wants to forget, he has to, this person he had become wasnt Laurence Zvahl and it hadn't been for a long time. Vylad, he wants to remember, Gene's words ring through him as he makes this choice "someone has to remember". So Vylad remembers everything, and Laurance forgets everything. Vylad watches as everyone makes the same mistakes over and over again, but this was his burden to bear. He sees changes to the story, but every time it's a tragedy. A proper one too, one where there is no happy ending, but rather a bittersweet ending that is full of grief and pain, but also acceptance.

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food for thought (like pretty depressing food) I think a lot about how time passes differently in the nether. and how vylad canonically spent so long there, and as a prisoner as well. by the time he's escaped, his old life feels so distant. it always had the moment he became a creation of the nether, but even more so.

vylad ro'meave feels like something akin to an old photograph wrinkled in the edges, snuck between the pages of a book.

he still answers to the name, along with introduces himself as vylad, but there's a bit disconnect. it's hard to adjust to being in the overworld again, and just.. live.

anyways, garroth knows that vylad kind of struggles with all of this. he told him that he's very different from the brother he knew, and he's oddly known a good amount of shadow nights. he still sees and will always see vylad as his youngest brother. no matter how old they get.

garroth putting together a little something and surprising vylad. it's a cake with a few people from the village he knows best. and vylad is like "thank you...? I'm not going to say no to cake but, what did I do?"

"what do you mean?"

"what's the occasion?"

"it's your birthday."

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Gonna start doing this whenever my mom talks about AI (both my father and I love TMA so she's been forced to learn about it)

"I asked chatgpt" Okay, well I read the statement of Hazel Rutter regarding a fire in her childhood home Original statement given August 9th, 1992 Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, The Archivist Statement begins Hello, John Apologies for the deception, but I rather wanted to make sure you started reading

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Throwback to when my mother and vegetarian of over 40yrs had to sit in the car while my father and I listened to a meat ep

"the magnus archives sounds cool! what are the content warnings?"

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I’m zoeymaupilled yurimaxxing

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"when you die of cancer, cancer dies too it's not a loss it's a draw." -technoblade 2022

Happy birthday techno, I started rewatching all of your stuff recently because no one else quite captures the same energy you had. I wasn't even that big of a fan until after you died. In getting older, and I'm forcing myself to cope with the deaths that have forever changed me. That quote is doing more than you could've ever imagined in your lifetime. I've never been truly scared of cancer, it's something that has always existed in my life and it always will. The knowledge that one day that tumor will come back somewhere and this time it won't be benign looming over my head since I was 17. The conversation my grandmother had with me when she was diagnosed with cancer a third time, "cancer always comes back, no matter what". It destroyed me, and scared the shit outta me. I know my genetics, I was raised in a family where cancer isn't treated like a big deal unless it's really bad, because we know most of us will all get it. The cancer doesn't win though. No one does. It's a draw, because your body went out fighting. The death of a warrior. My grandmother was a fighter in her own way, and her death was the first time I ever saw her lose that fight. Three years later you died, and you left us with that quote. One I didn't know I needed. One that still makes me cry. You were far more than a YouTuber, you were a writer. The times the world got to see your ability to write were amazing, even if they may be tainted by others now. The lines your dad told us you'd rehurse around your house with a sword, they flowed from your mouth effortlessly. You were an artist in your own way and god it was beautiful. I hope you know the community you built is still strong and doing amazing things in your memory. You and many others may have died, but your memory is far from gone.

~~~

I don't get personal online much, on any social media. Seeing techno in the Minecraft movie got me rewatching all his streams and videos tho, and coincidentally it was at the same time as my abuelos death anniversary and not long after my grandmother's anniversary too. That quote has always stuck with me, i had my own cancer scare a few months ago so now it seems to be sticking with me more right now. I'm pushing myself to put my writing out there more though and that means this kind too and god do I have a lot of it. Happy birthday technoblade.

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It became less of an ensemble piece and more aph focused and I get that she's the mc and has been since the beginning but we can't just forget characterization from before. I also completely understand why this happened in MCD and I def didn't like how armau was written in it but I understand why it was. Like at 13 it made no sense to me and I was confused and a bit mad, but I'm an adult now and so are a good portion of her fans and I hope that if we get a revival the characters can be done right and fans aren't like that th

Invalid take maybe but throughout the progression of Aphmau's roleplays, characters have gotten less and less exciting as a lot of things have been taken away and put on Aaron's and Aphmau's character, discarding lots of story from the other characters, especially in Mystreet.

For some example, Laurence and Garroth became less interesting because some traits were put into Aaron and Aaron became the new troubled cursed man with issues, which was Laurence's story. Aaron's family problems were looked at deeper than Garroth, who's had family problems from the start.

Travis was more deep, and I'm not saying he isn't anymore, but his character really swallowed, like all the men in the early mystreet seasons. Dante's caring behavior was coming erased and faded away to be just another competitor for Aaron early on.

They all still have their moments, you could say, but most characters that haven't been completely not used in Mystreet have been faded to a background in some way, because Aphmau and Aaron really steal a lot of the spotlight.

The beginning of Minecraft Diaries was all in first person, so it feels so odd that later, which is more 2nd and 3rd person, have been capable of actually lessening the character's depth and perspectives shown.

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just read both of the Laurance posts...and just..wow

I feel like crying for him.I want Cadenza and Laurance to be able to embrace eachother in a the biggest hug forever.

They'll be siblings in every timeline,no matter what.

I'm currently working on a fic of Laurance coming back after s3 and I plan on really focusing in on the two, Laurance went through so much and by proxi so did cadenza. Her brother went missing, she was told very little, he came back blind, dead and a shadow knight. She moves to the village he is now living in. Said village goes to war, a war he is fighting on the front lines of. He then goes missing AGAIN without a trace for 15 yrs. During those 15 yrs she loses the only family she has left, her father dies and she is forced into Lordship. All she ever wanted was to be a seamstress. He comes back, but he is different now. His best friend is still trapped and he's distant from everyone. The woman he has a sworn loyalty to is leading him on despite it being clear she will never choose him (in s2 aph does lead Laurance on I'm not having this debate). Cadenza begs him to move on, he refuses. He loses himself more and more the longer he is around Aphmau. The man she grew up with is long gone but his body is still here. Aphmau is busy as is Laurance so she rarely hears from them. All she can do is hope her brother is okay. He isn't, she learns he left for the nether likely from Garroth or Katelyn. She wants to be understanding with Aphmau, but she was his next of kin, she should have been told right away. Three years go by, she knows Aph and gang never stopped looking but they rarely ever share anything with cadenza until afterwards. The mission to the nether in s3 was heavily kept under wraps. They didn't think to tell cadenza for nearly a year afterwards and it was Garroth off handly mentioning it without thinking. Aphmau isn't there, and it was for the best, Cadenza knew anger that was boarding on divine in that moment. Her brother lost the fight within himself and they would likely never see him again, and no one told her. No one told her that they were looking for him. It never occurred to them to inform her. She tries to understand why, but she cant. Had it been Garroth Vylad and Zianna would have known everything. Why was Laurance different? Why hadn't they told her more? For a while she had her brother back, or what was left of him. Then it was stripped of her and she had to put puzzle pieces together to figure out what happened. There was a time Aphmau was one of her close friends and allies, now she was struggling to contain her emotions so that she may not jeopardize her village. She lost a part of her when he died, and the little she had left she was not willing to lose not even in death. She never stopped asking about him. Garroth would humor her, he knows what she is going through to an extent, he lost his brothers the same way. This was different though. They weren't biological twins but that never mattered. It didn't matter that she was a couple months older. He was her other half and all the family she had left. He was a relic from a time of her life that had long since passed. so when she died and saw Irene she didn't care about reincarnation or losing her memory, hell she didn't even understand why she was given the choice. All she asked was that Laurance finds peace in this life. Irene lied to her, she said she could do that. Laurance was lost and Irene could not give him peace until Shad relinquished his power over him. In the end none of them knew peace in this lifetime. Irene was taken aback by the Zvahl siblings though. So she promised a life where they would know peace (my hc for why they aren't in MYS as much).

Also thank you so much I wrote that whole drunk so good to know my shit still hits