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[scuuptheslug]

This New Thing

It's heartbreaking to see how a diagnosis can completely crumble someone who once stood firm. Even when they don't FEEL sick, everything about their demeanor changes.

I saw my boss today, for the first time since her new diagnosis on Tuesday. Just last week, she knew she had breast cancer but she still seemed herself. She has this headstrong way about her. She told me, "fuck it, I'm a fighter right? Want to- one day- help me pick out a boob?"

But today was different. On Tuesday, she found out that her cancer has metastasized to a few small places on her spine. Ultimately, her initial plan for a mastectomy was ruled out. She will still undergo treatment, but her cancer is incurable. Treatable, but incurable.

She still dons a smile, but it's not quite as honest as before. She's crumpled. We're all crumpled now, trying to keep it together for her and her sweet family. I keep trying to play everything as normal. I think, if it were me, I'd hate having everyone look at me as if I were made of glass; ready to crack at a moment's notice. So I pretend that she's herself, and everything is fine, and maybe she's just sick, but she will get over it. But then I worry that maybe I seem insincere and cold.

She hugged me before she left today, and it took every ounce of courage I had to hold back tears. I wanted to melt into the floor and sob, like I've done at home for the past week. I love her. She is such an amazing, strong person. I don't want this for her.

I met her ten months ago, when I moved across the country. I needed a job, and she had an open space, so it worked out perfectly. I started my job in June, and I've seen her most of the days since. I've learned so much about her. She has had so much shit thrown at her in recent years. Among other bouts of bad luck, her mother has passed, her husband has passed, and one of her precious grandbabies has passed.. all in a short span of years. The baby passed away not long after I started work. They were waiting for the autopsy for months..

But even through all of the shit, she's still been strong. For her family. For herself. And this new thing.... Cancer.... It's changed the dynamic a bit. For everyone, really. How much trauma should one person- a genuine person - suffer? When does it stop? Why her? Why now? What about her kids, and her grandbaby? They're all so young. And they've lost so much already! What the fuck?

But everyone keeps saying positive things; that they have a client, who had something similar, that lived another 20 years. The nurses are encouraging, and tell her they see this all the time, and it doesn't have to be a death sentence. So many people go on to lead fulfilling lives, with treatment. She still has time. And we are all clinging to that hope, digging our nails into it's flesh and desperately holding on. But everyone is mourning, too.

My co-workers have known her for years. And to see so much pain in them breaks my heart. And I cry. And then I wonder, do I have a right to be so upset? Does ten months give me the right to cry and mourn the life she knew before? A life I have only seen for the last 10 months. But people get married in less time than that, right? Surely I know her well enough, that I'm allowed to hurt the way I do, right? I feel so broken over all of this... Ten months is enough to mourn, right?

But maybe we should all just focus on NOW. She's still here. We can still hold out hope. And we still have time to make memories. And these memories will be different. They'll be held onto tighter. They'll be bittersweet. Because, now, we know.

[scuuptheslug]

Fuck cancer. FUCK CANCER.

[scuuptheslug]

My best friend just went through a breast cancer scare. To celebrate her clean biopsy, I made her this as a holiday gift. by Seeking_Starlight

[scuuptheslug]

Do not blame anyone in this world for not caring enough to "save" you. No one is responsible for your life, except YOU. Care about YOURSELF enough to save YOU. At the end of the day, you are all you've got. And it sucks. But you have to take care of yourself. For yourself. Just let that be enough. If you suffer from depression, it's not anyone's fault. Don't blame someone else for your illness or your feelings. Don't even blame yourself. Just hold on. Keep holding on and fight for yourself. With everything you have. And with everything you don't think you have. Yes, it is such a hard thing to do. But it is NOT impossible.

[scuuptheslug]

“I over-analyze situations because I’m scared of what will happen if I’m not prepared for it.”

— Turcois Ominek

[scuuptheslug]

If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

[scuuptheslug]

“Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”

— Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild (via books-n-quotes)

[scuuptheslug]

So....

I decided to let my 1 year old son sleep in the bed with my husband and me tonight. And I SWEAR he's going to melt a hole in the ass end of his footie pajamas if he doesn't stop ripping these god awful, rotten, shit farts. I mean, he's, like, nuclear level. Not only is it hilarious, it's also disgusting, and I regret voluntarily sharing the blanket with his tiny stinking ass.....

He's so damn cool. 💣

[scuuptheslug]

[scuuptheslug]

In honor of the greatest friendship in existence. ❤️

[scuuptheslug]

I found an urn while I was thrifting today.... It absolutely had ashes in it at some point. But now it's empty. I like to think that they were spread somewhere nice...

[scuuptheslug]

I just finished Parks And Recreations

My life is over.....

[scuuptheslug]

reminder to be fucking kind to kids, it does not matter whether you are a kid person or not, always be fucking kind to a child. They bump into you? smile and say ‘sorry hon’, they’re knocking your seat? Just ask them kindly to stop!!! You don’t have to be a dick to kids!! Children are still growing and rationalising the world around them, if you are a dick to kids, they don’t understand that you’ve had a tough day, they don’t understand that you’ve just been yelled at by your boss, all they understand is that they are a problem, they’ve done something wrong. In their minds adults are the authority, we are the people they look up to, they think we’ve got everything together. You yell at them and they internalise that shit!! They go about their day all bubbly then stop in the middle of joking with friends, remember you yelling at them and go off in a corner and cry. Don’t be a dick to kids, you don’t have to like them but fucking tolerate them and be decent.

[scuuptheslug]

😍😍😍

Cthulhu Pendants

OCTOrine on Etsy

See our #Etsy or #Octopus tags

[scuuptheslug]

"I woke up this morning, after what has been one of the most emotionally exhausting months of my life. And suddenly, I don't feel so defeated. "

I posted this a very long time ago. And then I accidentally deleted said post, like, 20 minutes ago. But I feel like I need to remember this, so I'm reposting it

After life has beaten you to a pulp, there will still be a day when you wake up and feel better.

[scuuptheslug]

I'm moving across the country in a couple months.

As excited as I am...

I'm also scared shitless.

And I don't wanna leave my best friend...

[scuuptheslug]

3 Playlists To Help Make Moving Away Easier

It’s scary to say goodbye to the familiar. Saying goodbye to your old friends and parents will bring tears to a person’s eyes. But know that making this move will be the start to a whole new life.

A new adventure awaits to make lifelong memories with you. So consider moving away a good thing. Actually it’s a great. You can start fresh, be whoever you want to be, and become the person everyone knew you’d become. 

Life is Calling from alexforgood7 on 8tracks Radio.

Take Me Away from karlitaboheme on 8tracks Radio.

for when it’s time to go from ilyanav on 8tracks Radio.