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Judging fancy Oscars people until I collapse, part The End: Dregs and Stragglers Edition

This is the last one, I promise. Onward towards the breach.

Giancarlo Esposito

The brooch is nice. Such is the low bar of men's fashion.

Sterling K. Brown

The brooch is too tiny and gets lost in the white. What's the point?

Rachel Zegler

What a boring, boring dress. She is such a pretty person. Why does she dress herself like this?

Queen Latifah

There are some fit issues, but it's a fun color and jewelry is lovely.

Connie Nielsen

This pale mauve was not meant for white people, not even the very tan ones. The turquoise necklace is very pretty but doesn't match.

Lily-Rose Depp

Like Rachel Zegler, the queen of having all the advantages and then doing nothing with it sartorially. The dress is hideous.

Monica Barbaro

The skirt is very pretty, but the bodice looks like a bikini top and has nothing to do with the skirt.

Rita Wilson

She looks comfortable? I'm sure this was a very expensive dress, but it looks too casual for the Oscars. She looks like she could be on vacation in Hawaii.

Ben Stiller

Go get a bowtie.

Annabelle Wallis

Oh look, there's still hope left for humanity. The color is so dreamy I can't even be mean. The Greek goddess design has been done a million times, but it looks good and my goodness the color.

Mary Yeager and John Lithgow

JOHN LITHGOW FOR SHAME. This is the Oscars. Get a suit that fits. You can afford it. She looks like she's a lot of fun to hang out with.

Jon M. Chu

I can't be mean about this. He looks great.

Ava DuVernay

I can't be mean about this either! The architectural rigidity of the dress is gorgeous. Those sleeves are drama.

Denis Villeneuve

Black on black on black. So boring.

Bruna Marquezine

LAST ONE. I love the gauzy elegance of the bodice, but the skirt is an afterthought.

HAPPY OSCARS Y'ALL. I saw almost none of the stuff nominated, so I don't care who wins so long as it's not that annoying Bob Dylan biopic (sorry Timee).

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Judging fancy Oscars ppl 2025, part This will be the last one I swear even if I have to make it a long one

I am tired. Judging other people's hard work is also, as it turns out, hard.

Scarlett Johansson

Lol her necklace makes a full circle with the O in Oscars. The dress is classic but also kind of a nothing, which is fine. She's not nominated. She's allowed to be low key. Hate how heavy the gloves are.

Kieran Culkin and Jazz Charton

HE: Looks fine, he's making the black on black on black look work for him. SHE: Nabbed one of the best dresses of the night, holy shit. It's like magnets on LSD. It's like those evil robots in Big Hero Six. In a good way, obviously.

Goldie Hawn

She's a legend, but the proportions in the bodice are a little off. It's sitting kind of low on her.

Margaret Qualley

She has the proportions of a model and chose a true nothingburger of a dress. What a wasted opportunity.

Gal Gadot

Stunning dress in a wonderful color. The hair gives her a pin head.

Meg Ryan

Needs a necklace. The dress is dull.

Ralph Fiennes

Men's fashion is so rigid and boring, I am forced to get excited over someone's two tone bowtie.

Dennis Quaid and Laura Savoie

HE: Looks moisturized. His suit is too casual for the Oscars. SHE: Looks really lovely!

Emma Stone

Emma never found a weird dress she didn't love. The top looks really unfinished, like "we used kitchen scissors and didn't hem" unfinished. The hair situation is for a part, but the styling is not working for her. But hey, her makeup is really pretty!

Miley Cyrus

I am going to avoid commentary about how old she looks, even though it's really hard not to. Whatever is happening to her dress in the waist area is terrible. I love a tiny little Madonna glove, but this is not the dress for it.

Raye

This exact hair style, makeup, jewelry, and dress could have been worn at any time in the past seven decades, and that's because it WORKS. She looks incredible. The necklace is perfect for the dress and neckline.

Robert Downey Jr. and Susan Downey

His shoes look profoundly goofy. She looks great as usual.

Sebastian Stan

The dingy shirt color brings the whole look down.

Laura Dern

The top is too complicated. She needs a hair update. Might be time to embrace the grey?

Jeremy Strong

This is the color of poop. And you know what, Fuck yeah, Jeremy Strong. You rock that color. Fuck the man.

Ana de Armas

I believe halter tops are the devil's work, but she looks pretty great in this one.

Doja Cat

Oh my god there are so many people. I am tired. I hate cheetah print and it's lame that the lady with "cat" in her name chose the cat print dress. And either wear a scarf or a necklace but not BOTH.

Penélope Cruz

I am tired so I am getting meaner. There is no joy in this judging, only judgmental attitude. The bodice is so dumb. The bling. The layers of saran wrap. It's bad. Remember when Penelope Cruz showed up in that gorgeous dove grey ball gown like a decade ago? Bring that one back, Penelope.

Da'Vine Joy Randolph

I cannot be mean to Da'vine. The dress is lovely and gorgeously suited to her. She looks amazing.

Andrew Garfield

Three shades of competing poop browns is too many. Jeremy Strong knew where to stop, and that was his superpower.

Samuel L. Jackson

Fuck me there are still more. I like the sparkle. He looks good.

Isabella Rossellini

This is a very specific dress that can only be worked by two other people on this planet, and the one of those people is Cate Blanchett. But Isabella is the other person. She looks regal. Latter day Juliet.

Fuck me there's too many fancy people. I am going to go fortify and finish in the next post.

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Judging fancy people at the 2025 Oscars until I drop, part 5

I think this is part 5. Time has lost meaning. We are starting to reach the famous people. They are not necessarily the best dressed, though.

Lupita Nyong'o

Lupita Nyooooooo. Why is the bodice so complicated and bad. This was almost good.

Brandi Carlile

This isn't good but it is fun, and I think she knew both those things. Go live your 80s prom dream. Make sure to drop the bucket of pig's blood on the Best Picture winner!

Ariana DeBose

The dress is wearing her and the hair is too severe. Kind of a mess.

Elle Fanning

That bow is doing some serious heavy lifting to keep this out of the bridal category.

Bowen Yang

The jacket and the shirt clash, but he definitely tried and most of the men here cannot remotely say the same.

Cynthia Erivo

She looks smug as fuck and WELL SHE SHOULD BE. This is spectacular. An architectural ballgown dream.

Zoe Saldaña

Oh my god, Zoe. You're going to win an Oscar tonight, so why does your dress look like depression personified?

Selena Gomez

Gorgeous. No notes. She's a billionaire and she looks it.

Ariana Grande

I like the bodice and peplum, but the dingy skirt is tragic and ruins the outfit.

Demi Moore

She looks like an Oscar winner. Stunning. She would look great with shoulder length hair, just saying.

Timothée Chalamet

I love that he went colorful, but the cut of his pants look a lot like jeans and that's not great at the Oscars.

Colman Domingo

Amazing. He isn't getting a trophy tonight, but he is a winner. He has brought exuberance and joy to every red carpet this awards season, and he has shown that the limitations of men's fashion is imaginary and so fucking ready to be pushed and rethought.

Mikey Madison

Her necklace is lovely. I cannot speak about the dress.

Ok fine. The dress is

No actually, I really cannot speak about the dress.

Adrien Brody

Blargh of course it would be him that would make me criticize a brooch. I just think the placement is kind of off.

Halle Berry

Disco ball queen. Who did her hair and what is wrong with them.

Michelle Yeoh

What a dreamy shade of blue. What a perfect grace note of a necklace.

Let's end on Michelle. She's cleansing for the soul.

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Judging Oscars fancy folks in the Year of Our Lord 2025, part 4

There are so many fancy people tonight. Let's hurt their feelings.

Julianne Hough

Imagine how good this would be in a jewel tone color and if the bodice wasn't kinda saggy. Actually that's a lot of things to fix.

Joe Alwyn

The brooch is gorgeous but YIKES ON A BIKE those shoes are an affront to God. Why are they shaped like that.

Miles Teller and Keleigh Sperry Teller

Take off those fucking glasses, you are doing nothing to dispel your myth of douchery. Her dress is so overdesigned I am hemorrhaging trying to figure it out.

Paz Vega

Somewhere there's a naked muppet missing its fur.

Felicity Jones

The fabric is so dreamy and liquid. Everything else is a steep plunge downhill. The bodice design is unflattering and mean to her, and the hair is severe.

June Squibb

One of the best dressed of the night. She looks incredible. What a stunning dress.

Whoopi Goldberg

It's a gorgeous dress, but it feels like the dress is wearing her instead of the other way around. Kudos to her for stepping out of her comfort zone, though.

Jerry O'Connell

The suit jacket is yummy. I don't know what color the shirt and pants should be, but it's not black.

Fernanda Torres

She looks like a Miss Universe contestant celebrating her nation's invention of the paper shredder.

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos

HIM: The brooch is too small. More bling. HER: Great color. The bodice is a couple of twists too complicated.

Diane Warren

The tie is just plain silly. Really?

Edward Norton

Why is his bowtie band exposed?

Storm Reid

Well shit. This is incredible. The color is so good.

Ethan Slater

His suit jacket sleeves are too long.

Marlee Matlin

A sparkly angel. Although the sleeves are also too long! Ugh I can't believe she has something in common with Spongebob.

Mindy Kaling

I love the winter forest design, but the hair and makeup are both very severe.

Jeff Goldblum

Bless this man for keeping things interesting, but the scarf, shirt, and corsage are three different color schemes.

Woohoo almost to the end

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Judging fancy Oscars peeps part 3, 2025 edition

I have acne scars and I took my bra off for the evening. LET'S JUDGE THE PRETTY PEOPLE.

Guy Pearce

It's funny how stupidly expensive watches became part of the men's red carpet uniform. Why? Is this a plot by the fancy watch folks to trick us into buying expensive analog watches that no one will ever actually use to tell the time? On another note, a lot of the men tonight have been wearing brooches with their tuxes, which THANK GOD. The brooches have been very pretty.

Sean Evans

Sean you're nominated please button your jacket

Coco Jones

Her dress is very pretty, but I wish the sparkly fabric overlay went over the entire bodice. Right now, the top looks like a bra peeking out.

H.E.R.

This is a hate crime. Why would you take such a stunning dress and give it a god awful unfinished unraveling hem. And then add on that terrible belt. This is a tragedy. I am in mourning for what could have been.

Kit Connor

Cute brooch, hideous watch.

Tia Carrere

It's giving petri dish.

Mario Lopez

Why is his sleeve too tight for the watch? This looks a little sloppy.

Jacki Weaver

Her suit is sparkly and fun, but the jacket was not designed to be posed like that.

Mark Eydelshteyn

He is making a very difficult suit jacket design look laughably easy. This is talent.

But why didn't he brush his hair?

Jesse Eisenberg

Jesse you are nominated for an Oscar. Iron your shirt and find a bowtie. This is a lame effort and you know it.

Emily Mortimer and Alessandro Nivola

I am in physical pain because my love for Emily Mortimer knows no bounds, but the dress is bad. His shirt looks dingy.

Marissa Bode

I am glad that she is here and I hope this dress makes her feel beautiful tonight.

Conan O'Brien and Liza Powel O'Brien

He is fine. She is here to support, which must be why her dress is so forgettable.

Uh oh, things are going downhill on the fashion front. Pray.

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Judging fancy Oscars people part 2 part 2025

I have my judging pants on

Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor

The suit is sharp but the opera coat is overwhelming her and needs to go.

Rowoon

The jacket is stunning. The men are really showing up tonight sartorially.

Yura Borisov and Anna Shevchuk

Lol scratch that. He looks fine but boring. The shoes are weirdly square. She has lovely hair but it is fully obscuring half her dress, so at what cost?

Coco Gauff

The color is limp and the hair is not doing enough.

Lisa

I want to weep this is so good. Menswear for women has been done so many times but never this amazing.

Joe Locke

I love his waistcoat so much that I am willing to overlook that the coat is a little big on him.

Joan Chen

There are way too many cut outs, the bodice is too complicated even WITHOUT the cut outs, and the color is very hard to pull off (aka she's not pulling it off).

Édgar Ramírez

It's classic. He looks nice. I'm bored.

Willem Dafoe

Pretty sure he's worn this exact outfit to the Oscars before. Maybe that's why the jacket isn't fitting right.

Lena Waithe

Cool goggles.

Sosie Bacon and Scoot McNairy

SHE: The dress looks like a tidal pool, but in a good way. HE: The watch doesn't match.

That was a lot more positivity than I expected! ONWARDS

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Let's judge fancy people at the Oscars 2025

GO

Edvin Ryding

Wikipedia has informed me that while he plays a royal on TV, he is not actually a member of a real royal family. His sash is therefore amazing and not dumb. Pants should match the jacket.

Charlotte Lawrence

If you got rid of the dust ruffle, sleeve ruddles, and bow, it would still be too much. There's a fine line between pink rhinestones and looking like you have the plague. Her hair is very pretty though!

Omar Apollo

Holy shit. The shoe bows. The lacy socks (zoom in please). The polka dot shirt. The scarf. THE LIZARD. THE HAIR. THE EARRINGS. THE FUCKING NET. This is perfection.

Raffey Cassidy

Goddamn people came hard tonight. This is classic and lovely and I adore how her shoulder bow looks like fairy wings.

Gia Kim and Sang Heon Lee

His shoes appear to be cloven and his suit is too big. Her bodice situation is terrible but she claws back points with the perfect necklace placement.

Jeremy Pope

This is entirely delightful. Bless him.

Vache Tovmasyan

He looks dapper as fuck. Look at the perfect beard. That's great grooming.

Nick Offerman

He does not look dapper as fuck. C'mon Nick. Button your jacket and make your beard look slightly presentable.

Tatiana Pajkovic and Boyd Holbrook

I like her big shoulders, but her hair should be up for this one. A nice pony would work wonders. He is so boringly dressed I cannot discuss him.

Rachel Sennott

The dress is gorgeous but the makeup is harsh and she needs a necklace.

MORE TO COME AS MY TODDLER ALLOWS

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Muir has already answered this!!

Which I know because I asked, and this was back before she left all social media platforms (understandable).

genuinely it is so crazy to me that like. if none of the murders had happened and it had really actually been dulcinea and protesilaus at canaan house instead of cytherea… i truly believe that none of the other pairs would have ascended. EXCEPT for ianthe, who did it ANYWAYS. like really? truly? actually? if there had been no pressure? if the heir of each house had simply been allowed to discover the eightfold word as they pleased? who would have willfully done it? who would have taken their cavalier’s life, or their flesh? certainly not the fourth, fifth, or sixth. judith has too much of a personal attachment to marta and too much of a moral obligation to not eating her lieutenant. dulcinea wouldn’t have sacrificed protesilaus to prolong her own life. silas would have considered it an abomination at best. and gideon and harrow had already started their Character Development by the time abigail and magnus were found dead - by the time harrow had actually found the key to lyctorhood, she would have rather died than kill gideon. without direct interference, only ianthe would have ascended. only one lyctor would have been created.

in trying to stop any of them from becoming lyctors, cytherea created more of them.

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I just saw your name of the wind cover ranking from 2020, and was wondering how you felt about the wise mans fear covers.

Honestly I don't think about that series anymore and I'm a lot happier for it.

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are they tho

"The rich are good people deep down"

Seen in Seattle, Washington

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It’s wild to switch from Western TV shows to K-dramas and just notice the massive shift in attitude towards food. And by “wild” I mean “so disturbing it makes me never want to interact with my culture ever again”.

In Western shows, the act of eating is disgusting. The camera lingers on the physical act of chewing as though it’s a faux pas. The audio of chewing is jacked up high to induce maximum misophonia. There’s often a mess involved: smeared food on the face or clothes, crumbs. Eating is presented as gross. And the characters who dare to consume food on screen are either villains or fools. The heroes never fucking eat.

I’m not saying South Korea in particular or Asia in general has a healthier attitude towards body types than the West (because guess what it’s all shit everywhere yay), but there is SUCH a marked contrast in how eating and food are presented. In K-dramas, characters loudly eat. They slurp. They munch. And the entire thing is presented positively. The characters exclaim at how delicious the food is. They go for seconds. Eating is positive. Eating is a communal activity that builds relationships. Characters often have happy nostalgic memories associated with food, and revel in unlocking those memories by eating. Food and the act of eating are presented as inherently joyful.

Anyways. Some food for thought (lol).

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NEW NATASHA PULLEY BOOK ALERT (next March but still)

From Edelweiss:

The Mars House

In the wake of environmental catastrophe, January, once a principal in London’s Royal Ballet, has become a refugee on Tharsis, the terraformed colony on Mars. In Tharsis, January’s life is dictated by his status as an Earthstronger—a person whose body is not adjusted to Mars’s lower gravity and so poses a danger to those born on, or naturalized to, Mars. January’s job choices, housing, and even transportation options are dictated by this second-class status, and now a xenophobic politician named Aubrey Gale is running on a platform that would make it all worse: Gale wants all Earthstrongers to be surgically naturalized, a process that can be anything from disabling to deadly. When Gale chooses January for an on-the-spot press junket interview that goes horribly awry, January’s life is thrown into chaos, but Gale’s political fortunes are damaged, too. Gale proposes a solution to both their problems: a five-year made-for-the-press marriage that would secure January’s financial future without naturalization and ensure Gale’s political future. But when January accepts the offer, he discovers that Gale is not at all like they appear in the press. And worse, soon, January finds himself entangled in political and personal events well beyond his imagining. Gale has an enemy, someone willing to destroy all of Tharsis to make them pay—and January may be the only person standing in the way.

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THE QUOTES 😭😭😭

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Ugh the composition is just so *good*. The color story, the movement, the angle. Gorgeous.

New Sketch-a-wish illustration, voted by my wonderful Patreons for January!

Featuring Shin and Mina from The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea by Axie Oh! I absolutely ADORE this book, and was happily re-listening to it while I worked on this piece! There’s a funny quip about this scene intending to be where the ‘land meets the sea’, and instead is described where the 'mountain meets the sky’. But as Mina and Shin respectfully represent land and sea, I managed to squeeze all four in here, with a sea-like sky!

[sensenoi]

TITS ARE BACK ON THE MENU BOYS

(and girls and folks who don’t prefer gendered labels)

This is not a drill. Our new Community Guidelines are here. 

We recently introduced Community Labels to give everyone more control over their dashboard experience. With this new feature, you can adjust your feed to your preferred comfort level by setting the types of content you want to see. It was our first step toward a more open Tumblr. 

Today, we’re taking the next step: We now welcome a broader range of expression, creativity, and art on Tumblr, including content depicting the human form (yes, that includes the naked human form).

So, even if your creations contain nudity, mature subject matter, or sexual themes, you can now share them on Tumblr using the appropriate Community Label so that everyone remains in control of the types of content they see on their dash. 

We have updated our Community Guidelines to reflect these changes; the rest of our content policies remain the same: We still don’t allow hate, spam, violent threats, or anything illegal, and visual depictions of sexually explicit acts remain off-limits on Tumblr (if you want to know more about that, our CEO Matt recently explained why it’s not feasible for us to safely and successfully support porn communities at this time). If you come across these types of content, please continue to report them to us.

Similarly, if you come across content on Tumblr that doesn’t appear to be appropriately labeled, please let us know. This is how we’ll work together to create safer spaces for everyone on Tumblr, whatever their interests and needs. 

We hope this shift creates more room for artistic expression to flourish on Tumblr while empowering each of you to craft your own experience and safely explore and discover the things you love.

[sensenoi]

Nona the Ninth FST

By me, because I never dreamed I’d be so lucky as to have a legitimate use for I Am Cow in an FST:

1. Opening Theme

*intensive strumming*

2. It’s The End Of The World As We Know It - R.E.M.

Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline

3. The Best Day Ever - Spongebob Squarepants

Mr. Sun came up and he smiled at me/ Said it's gonna be a good one just wait and see

4. Happy Birthday to You

Happy birthday to you!

5. Life in a Northern Town - The Dream Academy

And the morning lasted all day/ All day

6. Lo Vas A Olvidar - Billie Eilish, ROSALIA

Can you let it go?

7. I Am Cow - Arrogant Worms

I am Cow, hear me moo/ I weigh twice as much as you/ And I look good on the barbecue

8. Pompeii - Bastille

And the walls kept tumbling down/ In the city that we love

9. Look What You Made Me Do - Taylor Swift

Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time

10. This Earth - Dar Williams

I've fashioned friends from precious scraps/ They hold the light, they bend to serve me

11. That Funny Feeling - Bo Burnham

That unapparent summer air in early fall/ The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all

12. Barbie Girl - Aqua

I'm a blond bimbo girl in a fantasy world

13. The Banks of Red Roses - De Dannan

And then they walked and they talked till they came unto a cave/ Where Johnny all the day had been digging up a grave

14. End Credits

Nona Nona Nona

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Of course Gideon and Ianthe became friends... they have the same lame sense of humor.