seraeno-blog

[seraeno-blog]

updates that i can finally put under a readmore

this blog is on indefinite hiatus

i am not doing okay at all

i am under so much stress at the moment it’s the most i’ve dealt with

i do not currently feel comfortable roleplaying

to the anon that sent me a message about ‘fixing it’:

it’s not as easy as you think it is when there’s so much underlining shit. my depression and anxiety has had a drastic impact on my mood, and the reason i changed blogs was because i felt that it was getting very cluttered and i needed to change things. over time things started to hit me and i began losing confidence in myself and in my writing. this has very rarely happened before. so because of that, i started to believe that people hated me. i mean fuck, i kept getting anon hate and that made things worse. then i started having friendship problems, and i started to lost faith in myself and i started to dislike my characters. that’s it. 

not to mention i started to realise that multi-shipping is not something i can nor want to do. it doesn’t feel right for me personally, as i know my characters can get very loving towards their other halves and i know from previous experience that seeing their ship be replaced or having it fall through and having it look like someone favours another ship to the point where there’s little to no interaction can hurt big time. not just me, but the muse too. and i firmly believe that ships should kind of be treated with some sort of equality. i understand when there’s no muse for a ship, but when it’s so obvious that a ship is no longer considered fun or important enough to continue with the other person and the love has died, it can destroy a part of you and also a part of your trust.

though i don’t focus entirely on shipping and it’s very obvious who my shipping partner is, i want to be able to create bonds with characters that will last and have some kind of impact. i want to see how they’ll react and feel with certain things, but most importantly, i want to have bonds with the roleplayers themselves. the only problem is that i don’t seem to be capable of making friends.

and thus, when i see people roleplaying now, i start thinking “man i wish i could talk to this person“ or “i wish i had that kind of relationship with people”. and it really gets to me because some i have tried REALLY hard to push myself beyond my comfort boundaries and there are a few people who can vouch for that, but in the end it’s never good enough. 

and in the end, that thought becomes “i’m not good enough.”

and now i have dropped into a spiral where i start thinking ‘changing things might be beneficial, but i know they’ll fall through before anything happens. so here i am. i can’t fix things. 

and most of these issues i have actually stem from things happening irl.

so i can’t fix it.

i can’t.

my job has me exhausted even though i work an hour a day. i sleep most of the time when i get home from work.

we have sunken to a new low with money. it’s never been this bad. i can’t go into full details, but let’s just say that my step-dad took a job to earn extra money as well and that’s fucked up. we’re basically living off of pasta and instant noodles. seriously.

i am severely depressed.

my anxiety is now so bad that i am too scared to even go to my local shop. 

my step-dad is severely depressed and has an anger issue. he’s been taking it out on us.

he collapsed about 15 times in the space of a day on the 4th on january - my mom’s bday. 

in that time, he blacked out about 5 times.

he refused a paramedic’s help and basically sounded very drunk though he wasn’t.

he hit his head.

i was the one that had to call the ambulance. i had to keep trying to wake him up. i had to move him to another place. i kept catching him as he fell. the doctors have confirmed that if i wasn’t with him, he could have died. if he hits his head when he blacks out, he’s at high risk of dying.

i had to save my step-dad’s life.

for the next week or so we’ve had problems. my step-dad’s been arguing with my mom. my mom tried to get me involved, and he hurled abuse at me verbally. to the point where i broke down in tears and couldn’t breathe. it’s been happening a lot.

my granddad’s mental state is declining.

i’ve been severely ill for a year and a half and guess what!! i’m also at risk of dying!! i have been neglecting my health because i have never seen much point in me looking after it. i’m gonna fucking die anyway, who cares? my health is now completely fucked up and i am paying dearly for it and now that i have things to live for, i am regretting everything. 

my friends are leaving me and i’m no longer included in things like i wish i could be. it is killing me inside and that’s why i have problems talking to people again now. i feel like eventually i’ll be left behind.

paul’s kids are becoming so big-headed that no one can handle it. i am stressed. samantha’s stressed. mom’s stressed. paul’s stressed.

i’m tired

i don’t have any creative spark in me right now

man i haven’t even drawn anything since december

i know i owe people a lot and i am so sorry

but please understand that right now, being on tumblr is not healthy for me in any way shape or form. 

being online is unhealthy for me in general.

if anyone does want to talk to me then my kik name is izennon 

but for now, i really cannot be online roleplaying when my mental state is rapidly declining.

sorry.

[seraeno-blog]

Shrugs.     "Not my OWN personal      experience, but lemme      say I have fucked a guy      with it. Not pleasant. I'm      more interested in food      right now anyway. You've      gotta deal with your own      horniness."

         "Something makes me terrified that you’re speaking from your own experience and I’m not sure if I really wanna delve in to that. Thanks but no thanks.“

[seraeno-blog]

just putting this out here right now in regards to ships with shiori:

ALTHOUGH HE IS DUAL SHIP, HE WILL BE SEXUAL WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

he doesn’t feel any kind of emotional attachment to people he gets sexual with and it’s usually a one-time thing, say a job and stuff. None of his sexual antics take place in the same universe anyway really, especially since he’s dual-ship, but all of the sexual encounters will still be as though it takes place BEFORE he’s with someone. it takes a shit ton for him to consider any kind of feelings towards any person as it is, but he will never cheat on a person or engage in sexual things if he’s with someone. there are no feelings attached with anyone else he does stuff with.

he’ll demand food as payment for his ‘job’ instead.

[seraeno-blog]

    "It's not so bad if you're      on the giving end, but      when it's receiving then...      nope. Consider yourself      lucky. But hey if you want      a BJ, I'd usually be up for      that, except my appetite is      ruining my sex drive right      now. Sorry. "

He’s also under the impression that giving a sick person a blowjob will probably give him the illness too. Little does he know that is not how most illnesses work.

          “– 1.5 out of 3 isn’t too bad. I’d rather avoid that last one, though.”

[seraeno-blog]

    "I think you'll find it's worse      being horny, gay, and      suffering with an anal      fissure."

         "The worst is when you’re sick and horny.“ Cue a sniffle here.

[seraeno-blog]

@passxr (CONTINUED):

“That’s not somethin’ I hear on a daily basis,” Though it made him delighted. A sensation he usually didn’t get unless he made a lot of money, or beating someone to a pulp that under-estimated him. That brought the raven joy, yet why was he feeling this way? It wasn’t like he went out of his way to make Christian happy. Hell, they insulted each other on a nightly basis whenever they came across each other. There he was though, trying to cover up a smile that tugged on his lips. It was honestly a relief to the former gang member that the other presence didn’t plan to pry. He wasn’t going to say anything about it anyways, even if he had asked. In all honesty, it would have just ruined his mood. “Thanks for not bein’ one of those fuckin’ gurus sayin’ that I need to let it all out,” A quiet laugh escaped his lips as he spoke. Daiki had come across a person like that more than once in his life, but he didn’t want to deal with that bull-shit or talk about his problems to a stranger. Noticing the other staring at him; he rolled his eyes in almost a playful manner. “C’mon, don’ look at me like I was jus’ suckin’ Satan’s dick,” At this point his laugh grew slightly louder, echoing off the walls of the empty street. Placing his free hand over his mouth, the raven waited until his laughter died to speak. “Is that how hittin’ pedestrians works now days?”  Feeling Christian pull himself up; he removed his hand completely away from his mouth, before letting it drop to his side. Realizing that he had been holding onto the other male’s hand longer than he needed to a small flush came over his cheeks. At least in the dim lighting they were under it wouldn’t be noticeable. Retract his hand almost reluctantly, the raven let his arm fall to his side. Looking up at the taller male he offered a small smile. “I don’ think anyone ever liked bein’ called a prick~!” Watching his actions, the dealer felt his own smile grow once again. He knew Christian was either laughing or smiling by the way he covered only his mouth. The shorter male began walking, though it wasn’t too long before he stopped to check to see if he was following. “Y’know, people with longer legs are supposed to walk faster than short people.”

    "Yes well, I don't plan on      saying anything like it ever      again, so don't get used to      it." Still, hearing the boy laugh -- hell, hearing a person in GENERAL laugh at things he said felt weird. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Definitely the opposite. Christian was not a 'soft' person in any way and he came across as cold in more ways than one. Yet here he was, laughing with a HUMAN he usually argued with and insulted. The vampire hated people at the best of times ( as he likes to believe ) but he was genuinely having fun this time. It wouldn't happen again.     "..." Daiki had been holding his hand for a lot longer than anticipated. Not that it meant anything to the vampire really. Not something to comment on or make a fuss over. Usually if people touched him for longer than a second, it was to make sure that his temperature was in fact lower than their own, and whilst the raven was curious as to why the teenager had held his had a little longer, he didn't question the decision. The moment he let go, Christian flexed his fingers and watched as the younger started walking. Upon hearing his comment, he couldn't help but smile like he'd already done so many times that night. Hands in his pockets, he followed after his companion.     "If you're underestimating      my speed, you should know      that I could easily out-      manoeuvre you. I just choose      not to."

[seraeno-blog]

STARTERS OWED:

@passxr​ -- Alice, Theodore, Vergil (main), Zaviar (main)

@currereliberum​ -- Zaviar (human)

@astralfallacy​ -- Zaviar (human), Christian (human)

@languidfencer​ -- Vergil (AU)

@klouvia​ -- Eve

@aestuavis​ -- Cordell

@dxrmvnt​ - Christian (Human)

REPLIES OWED:

@passxr -- so many replies owed holy god jesus daphne help

@cruthaich -- w/ Juna

@ohmyths -- w/ Alice

@gracefulcorruption -- w/ Alice

[seraeno-blog]

MINI HIATUS SORT OF THING 

it’s not really a hiatus but it’s just so i can actually rewrite eve and get some bios up like i need to!

[seraeno-blog]

That had to have been a lie. From the looks of things this person wasn't just scared ( or that's what Juna assumed from the movements ), but he was badly wounded too. The sight of red liquid almost had the young teenager gagging right away, and although he paled at the sight of it, he decided to take another step forwards; his gaze averting away from the injury. With as much determination as he could manage, he locked eyes with the stranger backing away from him.

              "You're bleeding," he attempted to say with a steady voice but failed, resulting in his voice being a little higher in pitch than he'd expected. 

              "I can see the... the blood. From here. I - I don't                know who you are, but that needs attention immediately."

         The step in his direction only made Quinn move back a little more, one          arm kept firmly around his upper torso whilst the other aided his body          in moving. Eyes dead set on the stranger. For all he knew, he was part          of the organisation he had just been sent against. He could hurt him at          any opportunity, cause him more damage, make it so her – Thoughts          fell silent at the concerned tone heard and clueless expression. With          such a look of confusion and panic, there was no way. But, then again,          he could just be a good actor much like himself.

         "I do not.“ His tone stern and blunt despite the blood seeping through          his fingers, the gash on his shoulder not relenting just yet.

[seraeno-blog]

what doesn’t kill you fucks you up mentally and affects your ability to have stable relationships with other human beings

[seraeno-blog]

don’t ship with me bc I will worship our ship and love on it every other second and when I’m not doing replies I will reblog things to fill our otp tag and I will message you lil things to reply to and cute headcanons and spine crippling anGST DONT DO IT I WARNED YOU

[seraeno-blog]

@cruthaich!! i fiNALLY FINISHED HERE YOU GO

[seraeno-blog]

OMG BBU I’M SO SORRY YOU’RE HAVING A TERRIBLE CHRISTMAS EVE. I HOPE THE ACTUAL CHRISTMAS DAY IS SO MUCH BETTER. YOU NEVER HAVE TO DO ANYTHING IN RETURN. JUST KNOWING THAT I COULD MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY WITH A DRAWING ALONE IS THE BEST GIFT FOR ME.

THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED ALL DAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS IT LOOKS SO GOOD IM GONNA SCREAM IM SO HAPPY!!!! srsly i want to frame it and put it on my room :’D

[seraeno-blog]

@klouvia!! i hope this is okay omg i have not drawn in a very long time

[seraeno-blog]

OKAY SO HERE’S THE THING

IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAVE DRAWN ANYTHING REMOTELY DECENT. 

which is mostly due to artists block. 

so i kinda wanna try doing things for people?? and it’s the holidays so y’know. it’s christmas eve and we’re supposedly having a small party of which i will feel uncomfortable around people drinking and may isolate myself to my room.

the plus side is: thIS THINGIE IS FREE. FREEBIES FOR PEOPLE. YEEEE.

this is how it’s gonna work:

this is not a competition.

this is p much me just doodling peoples original characters randomly.

if you want me to doodle a thing, just like or reblog this.

you do not have to follow me, but i’m probably more likely to draw things for followers. especially people who i’ve been following/followed me for a looong time.

i will draw things randomly. could be a headshot or chibi or chibi headshot or sketch. god knows. it’s kind of a grab bag.

i’ll tag people in posts when i have drawn things.

i go by the character’s faceclaims AND descriptions. i apologise if it’s not exactly how you pictured it but i wanna get to drawing things again so it’s mostly practice.

so yeee just like this post or reblog. it’s not a giveaway so i’ll draw as many people as i can, but if i run out of juice or i start hurting my wrists (i have tendinitis) then i may have to stop at some point.

[seraeno-blog]

OKAY SO HERE’S THE THING

IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAVE DRAWN ANYTHING REMOTELY DECENT. 

which is mostly due to artists block. 

so i kinda wanna try doing things for people?? and it’s the holidays so y’know. it’s christmas eve and we’re supposedly having a small party of which i will feel uncomfortable around people drinking and may isolate myself to my room.

the plus side is: thIS THINGIE IS FREE. FREEBIES FOR PEOPLE. YEEEE.

this is how it’s gonna work:

this is not a competition.

this is p much me just doodling peoples original characters randomly.

if you want me to doodle a thing, just like or reblog this.

you do not have to follow me, but i’m probably more likely to draw things for followers. especially people who i’ve been following/followed me for a looong time.

i will draw things randomly. could be a headshot or chibi or chibi headshot or sketch. god knows. it’s kind of a grab bag.

i’ll tag people in posts when i have drawn things.

i go by the character’s faceclaims AND descriptions. i apologise if it’s not exactly how you pictured it but i wanna get to drawing things again so it’s mostly practice.

so yeee just like this post or reblog. it’s not a giveaway so i’ll draw as many people as i can, but if i run out of juice or i start hurting my wrists (i have tendinitis) then i may have to stop at some point.

[seraeno-blog]

if u ship ur muse with my muse

PLEASE FUCKING TELL ME

because i might also ship it

but i would be sitting there like

welp, i would do this, but i don’t know if they like it