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posting this for pride month! :)

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the one where Charles has a thing for Edwin's hands

He didn’t think about it before. His hands or Edwin’s hands, that wasn’t a thing, because who goes around thinking about what their or their mates’ hands look like? Hands don’t matter, hands are there to be used, they’re there for a purpose; to carry things or draw someone closer by the neck, to aim a punch or swing a weapon, to flick through records or snap your fingers or grab a chalk stick and draw a cartoonish cock on the class blackboard and make people laugh. Charles never used to think about hands, his or Edwin’s, and then suddenly he did. And then he thought about them a lot.

Charles has a thing for Edwin’s hands, and finally does something about it.

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the one where Charles has a thing for Edwin's hands

He didn’t think about it before. His hands or Edwin’s hands, that wasn’t a thing, because who goes around thinking about what their or their mates’ hands look like? Hands don’t matter, hands are there to be used, they’re there for a purpose; to carry things or draw someone closer by the neck, to aim a punch or swing a weapon, to flick through records or snap your fingers or grab a chalk stick and draw a cartoonish cock on the class blackboard and make people laugh. Charles never used to think about hands, his or Edwin’s, and then suddenly he did. And then he thought about them a lot.

Charles has a thing for Edwin’s hands, and finally does something about it.

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[shadowquill17]

the one where Charles has a thing for Edwin's hands

He didn’t think about it before. His hands or Edwin’s hands, that wasn’t a thing, because who goes around thinking about what their or their mates’ hands look like? Hands don’t matter, hands are there to be used, they’re there for a purpose; to carry things or draw someone closer by the neck, to aim a punch or swing a weapon, to flick through records or snap your fingers or grab a chalk stick and draw a cartoonish cock on the class blackboard and make people laugh. Charles never used to think about hands, his or Edwin’s, and then suddenly he did. And then he thought about them a lot.

Charles has a thing for Edwin’s hands, and finally does something about it.

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I love "Charles becomes even more affectionate with Edwin after they get together" as much as the next person, but the thought of Edwin becoming the clingy one, in his own way, is really lighting up my brain

Because after years of repression, after pining for so so long, after thinking he got rejected and that he'll just have to carry this love in his heart alone forever, Charles actually tells him he loves him back? His dream boy? And now they're together, and he's finally free to express his love, and it actually makes Charles happy?

He's free to touch and kiss Charles?? And Charles actually welcomes all of it with a smile??

They'd be no kissing in public, of course. Or no picking Charles up and spinning him. Or no sitting on his lap with other people present.

But he can stare at Charles all he wants now. Can stand just a little closer to him in hopes that Charles will touch him. Can pull him into a kiss as soon as the door of the agency closes after their last client for the day. Can keep Charles pressed to him on their sofa instead of going back to work

And I think that's beautiful

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the one where Charles has a thing for Edwin's hands

He didn’t think about it before. His hands or Edwin’s hands, that wasn’t a thing, because who goes around thinking about what their or their mates’ hands look like? Hands don’t matter, hands are there to be used, they’re there for a purpose; to carry things or draw someone closer by the neck, to aim a punch or swing a weapon, to flick through records or snap your fingers or grab a chalk stick and draw a cartoonish cock on the class blackboard and make people laugh. Charles never used to think about hands, his or Edwin’s, and then suddenly he did. And then he thought about them a lot.

Charles has a thing for Edwin’s hands, and finally does something about it.

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opens my heart shaped locket & it’s just pictures of this guy

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Patreon | Ko-Fi

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Edwin Payne Really Fucking Cares: A Short Essay

Was re-watching ep 1 and something stood out to me like never before:

Edwin Payne cares. Like, he cares *so deeply*. He tries his very best to remain calm, cold, and collected, but there are moments where truly visceral emotions slip through the cracks in his facade.

(Please excuse the obvious, distracting play button in the middle of the pics; there's only so much I can do with my pirating app 😂)

But this- this is just as he catches his first glimpse of Becky Aspen, under the piles of discarded clothes and bones. You can see the way his heart drops, how affected he is at the prospect of finding this little girl's corpse.

This is as he starts trying to unbury her. He is so viscerally distraught- just LOOK at that face. He is terrified that they were too late to save her. Terrified that he didn't do enough. Terrified that he has failed to save an innocent life.

While he's listening for her heartbeat, you can just see how desperately he is begging for her to still be alive. Look at him!! That is a boy that is fucking *scared*. He is so worried about Becky, and he doesn't even know her! All he knows is that she is innocent, and all he can do is pray that he is not the reason she is dead.

And this? This is when he's screaming at Charles, telling him that Becky is here, that she is alive, that they were not too late. Look at his eyes. Look at his brows. That is the face of someone who is desperate - to save her, to keep her safe, to get her away from the imminent threat of Esther Finch.

As if that wasn't enough to think about, there's a little voice in my head that is telling me something else: while he's down in that snake pit, Edwin is not truly seeing Becky Aspen as just another case. He's seeing himself.

Think about it. He's surrounded by heaps and heaps of bones, torn clothing, the memories of lives so cruelly and unfairly snuffed out.

He looks at her, covered in the disjointed remnants of death, and he sees himself back in the dollhouse. He sees himself being torn apart by the spider demon, covered in his own blood and guts, the terrible reminders of the inevitability of his pain.

It is in these brief moments where his facade falls that we can see Edwin's actual motivation: he is looking at Becky, but he can only see himself. Edwin Payne is a good person, but I don't think he was thinking rationally right here. He was thinking through the lens of his own trauma.

He wants to save Becky, not out of a conscious desire to do good, but a base, instinctual need to protect her in the same way he never was. He is doing this for her because no one ever did it for him.

After Charles pulls him out of the void, we can see that Edwin is well and truly shaken. It even takes him a good minute (and Charles' help) to get back on his feet! He blames it on the snake, but I wonder how much of that was to save face and keep Charles from asking questions.

Edwin doesn't like to talk about Hell, and for good reason, but he cannot hide the fact that he was rattled by what he saw down there. He knows that Charles knows him well enough to clock that immediately, so he brushes it off with the reference to " ... a very large snake."

Idk I'm just rambling at this point. But there's something so incredibly *real* in his expressions during this scene. For a few brief moments, we see him display emotions that very painfully parallel ep 7, where we once again see him acting through the lense of deeply ingrained trauma.

Just. Mhhhh 🤌 Chef's kiss, and hats off to George for playing such a real character 👏

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This is so good

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Does Charles miss his life, or just life? Does he really hate being dead, or does he hate how he died?

I've seen some artists interpret the light house crash out scene as Charles missing his old life and probably struggles more with being dead than Edwin. While that is a good interpretation, I don't think Charles's feelings about life and death are that simple.

I think Charles hates how he died and wishes he and Edwin could experience living together.

Because, objectively, dying at 16 from hypothermia and internal bleeding because your racist friends beat you and drove you to a frozen lake is a terrible way to go. No amount of good in Charles after life will change that, so it makes sense he would regret that no matter what.

He grew up in an abusive household and went to school with a bunch of posh rich kids, so he probably wouldn't miss his life, just what life could've been. If he got to be old enough to move out and live on his own terms, old enough to leave his shitty house and shitty school.

Now he's made a good after life with Edwin. He co-founded a successful detective agency, he has a best friend who loves him unconditionally, and he goes on adventures every day. I have no doubt he loves his afterlife with Edwin and wouldn't change that for anything, but you can still love the outcome and hate how it happened.

Obviously, Charles couldn't say all of that because he was reeling from having his worst memories thrown in his face and his friends being scared of him. He makes up for this when he tells Edwin,'I wouldn't want to be dead with anyone else'.

Charles would want to be dead with anyone but Edwin, and he wouldn't want to be alive with anyone but Edwin. He would want to experience growing up and old with Edwin.

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don't mind me i should be asleep. i still have mixed feelings about edwin in his season 2 slut era but i think it's what charles needs to wake up to his feelings. like, edwin needed the cat king posing as charles to see him in this new light. charles needs to see edwin in that light, too. and i think the jealousy in season 1 almost took him there.

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How to Say "I Love You" Without Actually Saying "I Love You": An Incomplete List

@dbdpromptober Week 30: Love

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merry charles in a collar day for the most darling @every-moment-a-different-sound 's birthday and to all who celebrate <3

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yearning fruity payneland for @tragedy-machine 😘🍒🫐🍓