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shawmaginess-blog · 5 years

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— forever, and always | t.h

tom holland x reader

genre: fluff, heavy angst

requested: no

send your requests at my messages.

word count: 3.3k

the first time they met, it was a clear sunny day. she was browsing the small library section of the cafe, which is half empty apart from students who are either studying last minute, doing their projects or sleeping. no one paid attention as the door opened, the bell ringing along with it. she reached up the top shelf, which was double her size and she curses her genetics for being short. she huffed, took a step back and placed her hand on her hips. she glared at the book she wanted, then decided to try again, this time using the little shelves to give herself a little leverage. it did not help, causing her to slip and lost her grip. time suddenly slowed down, her life flashing before her eyes as she closed them, preparing for her to hit the ground. but she never did, instead feeling a hand gripping her waist tightly, prepping her back up to her feet. she turned around to take a good look at the person who saved her, instead she came face to face with a strong chest.

she looked up slowly, aware of his hands still resting against her waist as her hands stays on his chest. she tilted her head up even more to have a pair of brown eyes staring at her with an amused look, a smirk on his lips. she blushed deeply, pushing away gently from him as she fixed herself.

“thank you,” she said softly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. he let out a soft chuckle, the sound is like music to her ears. he ran a hand through his hair, brushing the locks away.

“you’re welcome,” he replied.

that had been five years ago, when his acting career peaked due to the spiderman film. he had sought refuge at the cafe after running away from his fans, and he had seen her slip and lost her grip. he rushed quickly to her, helping her up and the rest was history. she didn’t recognize him, and maybe that was the reason he felt at ease around her the first time they met. she was a complete opposite to him, and they lived a very different world. he lived in a place where millions and billions of people watches his every move while the only thing she had to worry about are midterms, finals and projects. they were different but similar in some ways, making them perfect for each other. she was an arts major, her interests consists of theatre, ballet, history and arts. being with her made him feel at peace, like he could let go of everything but still be grounded with himself. she taught him histories about almost everything and he could never, ever get bored of it. she would use him as her model for her arts projects and they would practice their lines for upcoming movies for him, and upcoming broadway shows for her. they did everything together and hid everything from the world. and it saddens him that he couldn’t brag about this amazing girl because every girl he would be link to, some of his fans, the ones who weren’t supportive, would either criticize her, point out her flaws. he couldn’t have that happening because she was the light in his darkness.

he also respects her decision to keep their relationship hidden, that they would reveal when she’s at the point of her life where everything is put together. she wanted to graduate with her masters, build her career at her own pace. she wanted privacy and he respects that.

he watches her sat on the floor, criss cross applesauce with the canvas in front of her; her hair that had been tied up in a bun just a few hours ago is now falling apart, strays of hair everywhere with her face and arms covered with different colours of paint. fly me to the moon plays softly in the background, making everything perfect for him. she was perfect. he took out his polaroid and took a picture of her, chuckling as she furrowed her brows into a frown, tongue sticking out in concentration. if he could describe her in one word, it would be that she’s heaven.

they had been together for five years and everyday felt like an adventure. they say the honeymoon phase dies down at early stages of the relationship but they managed to find ways to keep the fire going. even when he’s away, which is a lot of times, for his work, they still manage to surprise each other. tom couldn’t help but want to let the world know how lucky he is to have someone like her. he placed the polaroid down on the table and waited for the film to develop before walking at the small corner of their apartment. the walls were filled with pictures of them together, notes and momentums of their dates, their love for each other. he placed the film at the center, grabbing a sharpie to write something down on it before walking over to her. he bent down on her level, positioning himself behind her as he wrapped his arms around her waist. she let out a small smile, leaning against his back as she continues to paint the canvas.

“i love you,” he whispered softly, burying his face against her shoulder blade. she stopped what she was doing and smiled to herself, tilting her head as she gave a kiss on top of his head. she could listen to him say that three letter word over and over again and she would never get tired of hearing it.

“forever and always,” she replied, placing her paintbrush down at the small bucket as she intertwines her hand on his. the two of them stayed in that position, not caring if their backs hurt as long as they stay wrapped in each other’s arms.

it was their sixth year anniversary that she realized she wanted to be a part of his world. she had finished her masters with an internship at an arts academy, all she needed to do is walk across the stage to seal the deal. and the first thing that came to her mind is for him to be there with her to share the moment. but in order for him to do that, he would have to tell his management, and reveal his relationship with her in public. not just that but she also wants to get to know his friends, his coworkers and his fans. she wants to show him, through a different way, that she loves and supports him. she was finally ready.

when he came home from work, she was very excited and giddy, causing him to look at her with curiosity. he could tell that she wanted to tell him something by the hop on her feet, the twinkle in her eyes and the excited grin she had on throughout dinner.

“what is it, love?” he asked, chuckling as she tried to look at him with a poker face. she was truly horrible at hiding her emotions when she’s excited and all over the place.

“what do you mean?” she asked, shrugging as she continued to eat her food. he shook his head and took her hand in his. she sighed, took a deep breath before finally telling him.

“i want to go public. i want everyone to know about us, and i want to be able to say that the tom holland is my boyfriend and i want you to be there when i walk across the stage because you have been so supportive of me ever since we met and this is the thank you that i could think of giving you. i just fucking love you, holland”

the two of them were quiet, with tom processing what she had told him. there’s millions and billions of things that ran through his thoughts but the only one he could think of basically involves him talking about her in every interview he would get. he grinned widely, placing his fork down as he walked over to her side.

“seriously? you’re not joking with me?” he asked, cheeks hurting from smiling too much. she told him she was serious, placing a kiss on his lips before she was picked up and spun around the room. she let out a small squeal, arms and legs wrapping around him as she holds onto him tightly. she buried her face against the crook of her neck, tearing up as he told her countless of times how much he loves her. she doesn’t know how she could be lucky to have someone like him by his side.

“you’re my everything,” she whispered to him softly, her hands running through his hair as she held onto him tightly. he chuckled and rubbed circles against her back. if home is a certain place, then she was his.

when the news of their relationship hit the media, the whole world was in shock. his fans were very supportive, with very few against it. they could tell how happy they were and that’s all they ever wanted. his friends congratulated the two, and his management had a positive respond with it. the result were what they hoped for and it felt like a weight on their shoulder had been lifted. she was scared, nervous and excited about what the future holds for them now that their relationship is out in public. she was just glad that she was able to build a name and career for herself instead of just being called tom holland’s girlfriend.

but every up has its downfall. it was subtle at first, headaches and migraines that would go away with a simple take of pain relief pills. then the seizures and fainting came, causing them to think that it was something else. they made a plan to go to the doctors in one day, but the days turned into weeks until they completely forgot about it because they were both busy with work and the pills she would take would help her. then her memory would become foggy in certain days, along with constant fatigue and loss of hair.

when the news broke that she has cancer, it shook their whole world apart. he saw the light slowly burning out of her; the eyes that used to twinkle like they were stars now stare ahead with clouded emotions. it pains him to see the passion slowly die inside her and he wishes he could turn back time or at least take the pain away from her. but he had to stay strong for her, for both of them. she tried her best to act like everything was okay, that every single day could be their last. it was already too late for them to cure her and she chose not to go through chemotherapy, enduring the pain instead. the doctor told them that she has at least six months to one year left of her.

during this time, he was called to film for the second spiderman film. he was away most of the time and it ached his heart to not be there for her. he would spend most of his breaks talking to her, assuring himself that she was still with him. the only thing keeping him going was her words of encouragement and the moment the final scene were filmed and finalized, he booked the first flight home, running into her arms and hugging her tightly, burying his face at the crook of her neck as he inhales her familiar scent. she would hold back her tears, holding him as he mumbled i love you’s to her.

the day he received the news, was the premiere of spiderman far from home. he was wrapping up his interview with jake, talking about her most of the time. his phone rang, her name flashing on the screen and his heart flipped. he answered it, hoping to hear her voice.

“tom,” but it wasn’t, it was her aunt and he knew before she could even finish her sentence. his legs gave out, completely falling to the ground as he processed the news.

“she just suddenly fainted, we rushed her to the hospital and they tried their very best tom, they really did but she-,”

her aunt was a sobbing mess, but he couldn’t hear anything and he forgot how to breath. the staff rushed over to him, with jake trying to get his attention but all he could think about was her.

her smile.

her laugh.

her eyes.

her scent.

her.

his manager helped him up, and he couldn’t remember the drive toward the hospital but he remembered rushing out of the car and heading inside. he stopped by the door, his hands shaking, his vision blurry as he opened the door. the room looked dark, cold, empty, describing exactly what he was feeling. she lay on the cold metal table, sheet over her and all he could think of is wanting to hear her voice again. just, at least one more time.

he walked over to her, hands shaking as he pulled the sheets down. his heart shattered to pieces, his sobs echoing the empty walls of the morgue as he let an agonizing scream, wrapping his arms around her hoping, praying to wake up from this nightmare. that she would wrap her arms around him again, run her hand through his hair as he tells her about his day. he should have stayed home, should have been there for her.

reality did not sink in until her funeral, until he walked into their room with her side of the bed left untouched. he could still smell her scent from her pillow and he reached over to pick up the picture frame of them together. it was her graduation day; he had lifted her up bridal style with one of her arms wrapped around his neck for support, the other holding onto her cap while they share a kiss. he had been so proud of her, watching her walk across the stage and watching her deliver her message to her graduating year. he bit his bottom lip, his eyes stings from all the crying he had done the entire week before placing the picture frame back down. tom stood up and walked over to their shared closet and opened it. seeing her clothes sent another wave of sadness in him, his eyes travelling to the top of the drawer. he noticed the envelope that hadn’t been there when they were together. he took it, walking to the bed and taking a seat at the floor. the envelope contained a cd along with another paper with it.

to my dearest tom. my everything, my forever.

were written on the envelope and he opened the paper, recognizing her writing right away.

tom,

where do i start? i guess i’ll just let my feelings and my pen decide for that. am i scared? yes, i am. but i know i have you with me, and that makes me feel better. my time may be up, but it’s not for yours. and i want you to remember that when you go through dark times; when it seems like everything is falling apart. even though my journey with you is up, just know that i will be watching over you, that this is not a goodbye but a see you later.

it may hurt now, but time will slowly make it hurt less. and just because it hurts less, does not mean that you’ve forgotten. it just shows that you are slowly moving forward and that is perfectly fine.

i love you, forever and always.

just when he thought he had cried everything out, a fresh tear slid down his cheeks. he read the letter over and over again, rocking back and forth as memories of them together flashes his mind. he was lost, completely lost. the cd fell on the floor, catching his attention. he wiped the tears from his cheeks before placing the cd to its slot, waiting for it to start.

the video started with the two of them facing each other, with canvases in front of them as they draw each other. then he recognized more videos that they took together, memories that he didn’t know she documented. then everything went blank and he thought it was the end.

her face appeared on the screen and his heart flipped, seeing her smiling widely at the camera. this was her worst days but he could see the glint and twinkle in her eyes as she sat in front of the camera. she had put a little makeup on but even without it, she still looked beautiful.

“tom,” she started, causing his heart to beat a million times more its usual rate, just hearing her voice again. she let a soft smile, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear before taking a deep breath. her voice was like music to his ears.

“i know everything hurts right now, and i hope that this could help ease the pain just a little bit until you could tuck the cd away behind a box, forget about it and find it again with your family in the future. but for now, i just want to say that i love you so so much, and i want to thank you for giving me so much. you are my home, my everything and that will never change. you could have chosen to turn your back on me when things got rough but you stayed and helped me through everything. you give and you give and that’s what i love about you. you’re this ball of sunshine that could light up the whole room when you walk in and that’s why i fell for you,” she paused, wiping the tears that now trailed down her cheeks.

“you supported me, gave me love and cared for me and i want to thank you for that. and if i could do this all over again, i would. i would want to fall for you over and over again and maybe we’ll meet again in our next life. i know you told me that i’m your light into your darkness, but it's more the other way around. i love you tom, and that will never change. forever, and always,” she smiled and gave a kiss on the camera before turning it off.

and he sat there, replaying the video over and over again just to hear her voice again. there was a soft knock on the door, and her aunt poked her head in, telling him that the ceremony will start soon. he nodded his head, stayed there to gather his composure before heading out to the church.

“she was everything to me. she shaped me into the man that i am now. she taught me so much, and i just wish i was there when she passed away. but i know she wouldn’t want me beating myself over it. it hurts, not getting a bruise kind of way, but mind-numbing, paralyzing kind of pain. i was going to propose to her, tell her i want to spend my life taking care of her. but i guess i was too late. i just want one more day with her; to hug her, to kiss her, to tell her how much i love her. to hold her in my arms as i listen to her story, and to be held by her as she listens to mine. but i know that if i get another day, i would want it to become two days, then three until i wish it was just an infinite times with her. i miss her, every single day, every second, every minute. and she said it will get better but it hurts and i’m scared to go through without her. i’m scared of what the future holds. she was my everything, my angel, my light into my darkness,”

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