sherylbajao

[sherylbajao]

Jesus: I want to walk through this with you.

Me, full of doubt and fear: But what if this isn’t something that ends? What if this is something I can never walk THROUGH?

Jesus: Then we will just keep walking.

[sherylbajao]

Dear God,

I will get back up, by Your grace. But tonight, I’m just going to let it out. Please tell me that everything will be okay; I yearn to hear You audibly. Please tell me that I’m okay. Please tell me that You love me. Please tell me that You won’t leave me. Please tell me You won’t let me go.

There ain't no darkness strong enough that could tear you out from my heart There ain't no strength that's strong enough that could tear this love apart Never gonna let you go

[sherylbajao]

I’d Rather Not Know

Hi there. It’s been a while.

I’ve been hiding in my cave — distracting myself with busyness and indulging in the business of wanting to know what will happen next. All the while I thought I was living in faith, until the anxiety of not knowing what’s next started to eat me up.

Anxiety, you say? Uh.. yeah. I have been in the lowest tide of my faith (yet again) just recently, thinking everything is hopeless and there’s nothing else to look forward to. Taking fear with me in every turn I take in this journey called life. I thought to myself, “Why is God testing me?” Apparently, He was just revealing what’s in my heart. And I am utterly rebuked. He showed me how I wanted to take control of everything, (I want my own version of my life, Lord! Can’t we just revise the things I don’t like?! #graphicdesignerprobs) when in fact He is the one who’s in control and Sovereign.

So yeah, that’s why I’ve been hiding, and It’s been a long while, and now I’m coming out of this prison I made myself. You might wonder, why did I even do this or from what am I hiding from. I believe one reason is that I get to control what’s happening in my tiny niche: I’m busy with the “work” I’m doing, I know the outcome, I can make contingency plans ahead of time just in case things wont turn out fine. I try so hard to focus on it that I neglect to continue on the other things I’ve started before e.g. this blog. To be honest, I was about to take this down, I thought it’s pointless to post here. “Who reads this anyway?!” Earlier this year, I promised myself I’d post an entry here, but then procrastination and doubts came in that I ended up sharing nothing. (I have tons of drafts saved in my laptop huhu). Months have passed and I didn’t even bother checking this page, until my domain automatically renewed. Thanks, GoDaddy. Hahaha. Now I’m forced to make use of this haha! Perhaps the stories I have should be shared, not for all to read, but maybe one or two, and the rest is up to God. And that’s where faith comes in.

Still, I am thankful for this season that I am learning to stretch my faith muscle. I think every season should be exercise season for our faith, ang tagal ko lang talagang tumambay, ang sakit tuloy ng muscles ko. But no pain, no gain. :)

I know He is calling me to live for Him, like a child, with childlike faith. Sometimes I hate growing up and the fact that knowledge is so easily accessible these days because it desensitized me from God’s Sovereign hand upon my life.

And so I’ll take it from here, and I’ll trust Him as He unfolds the succeeding chapters..

I think that’s good enough for my comeback message haha, thank you for reading! :p But if you’d like to stay a bit longer. I’m inviting you to read further as I share my praise report and reflections from the past year (from the date of my previous post) to present. Like I said in my previous post, there were so many movements — from traveling, to transitioning, and to entering a new season. God is moving me indeed, and He has been reaaaaally faithful to me in every step, even at the times I’m not.

This is not to brag about the blessings I received, like I previously said, maybe my stories should be shared. So now I’m jumping out of the boat and walk in water. These things shouldn’t just pass without being shared because God is worthy to be praised and He is always teaching us something, even in the littlest of things. I pray this will encourage you to always be in the attitude of thanksgiving (that is directing toward the one responsible for our blessing), and to never lose sight of God’s goodness upon your life and what He is teaching you along the way.

Most of these were from the draft that was made early this year. It wasn’t entirely eventful, but I believe these were defining moments where God met me and taught something to me.

Around the World (char haha)

Hong Kong was my first travel abroad. I always thought it’d be far-fetched to go back, because let’s face it, we’ve got bills to pay haha! But days before my birthday this year, I got the chance to explore Hong Kong again, with all expenses paid. Just wow. (And I still have a pending post for my 2016 HK Trip lol) It’s a great reminder for me that God can + will provide, and He hears even my silent prayers.

Weeks before the trip, I was in a shuttle en route to Makati. As we drove along Skyway, a plane that’s about to land fled above us. I asked God, “When will I be able to travel again? ...Only You know.” It was a short and random thought, and pinalipas ko lang. Then came the day that I found out we’ll be flying to Hong Kong for our team’s anniversary outing. They were joking me that we’re just going to McDonald’s... Nathan Road. Knowing the slowpoke that I am, it took around 5 seconds to finally sink in that we’re really going to Hong Kong!! I asked myself, “Sa Hong Kong yung Nathan Road... diba?” And my eyes went big! “Shaks, sa Hong Kong nga kami pupunta!” O_O

And so I budgeted for the trip, I allotted 4000 PHP (~600 HKD) for my pocket money. Pero di ko siya napapalitan, ‘di ko alam kahit anong attempt magpapalit walaws talaga. It’s either the bank didn’t have any HKD or the money changer doesn’t sell any HKD. Tapos nalaman na lang namin pagdating ng Hong Kong, bibigyan nila kami ng 1500 HKD as pocket money for the entire stay. (Tinagalog ko na kasi tinamad nako mag-English hahahahaha) I’m like, whaaaat?! Legit all expenses paid?!?! Thank you, Lord. Sobra sobra pa.

Here are a few photos from the trip (and some from last year for reference sa mga kwento ko kasi di ko nakuhaan yung iba this year haha):

I’ve always loved Hong Kong’s architecture. This was taken while were on the Airport bus to Kowloon. I learned that day that Hong Kong airport lies on artificial land. Wow lang!

This was in Causeway Bay. On our last day in Hong Kong this year, there was a typhoon so malls and stores were mostly closed. We wanted to visit IKEA but to no avail. We ended up walking around the vicinity and took photos instead.

I love their city lights at night! This was in Mong Kok. I had a similar shot taken on my 2016 HK trip, pero sa kabilang side naman. Haha! See below.

We stayed in Tsim Sha Tsui throughout the trip. The hotel was a few kilometers away from the train station so we always walk. 

This is one of the alleys we usually pass by.

And mannn, our hotel room was very nice! Super hi-tech! It made me think what made us deserve this kind of generosity. Look at the remote control! We could’ve stayed in an Airbnb but we didn’t. Wooow.

Di ko talaga kinaya yung generosity nila. Even our Disneyland trip was paid for as well. It was my first time (we went to Ocean Park last year kasi).

Dito muntik maubos pera ko. Hahaha! The stuff they’re selling there were so nice and enticing, it makes you want to get it all, even if you don’t really need it. It made me realize that if you get easily swayed by the things you wanted for yourself, you’ll end up wasting the gift that was given to you. I believe it was a gentle reminder for me to not take the gift God freely and abundantly gave me for granted. :)

I loved the Lion King musical! It made me feel like a kid again. 

Spoiler alert: The plot of the musical was that they are to retell the story of how Simba became king. The songs were uplifting and the production was great! THE CIRCLE OF LYYYYYFFFF~~

My realization: if we are to share the greatest story ever told (i.e. John 3:16), we should be all out. Even if it takes you to share it a million times over and over again, never grow tired of sharing it. Just as how the cast in this musical give their best in every show, everyday.

I think the highlight of my Disneyland trip was the fireworks show. It was so beautiful and magical. I am in awe, and got semi-tearyeyed hehe. If it’s already a wonderful sight here, I wonder what beauty and glory awaits for us in Heaven, where all things are perfected?

A few things I noticed throughout our stay in Hong Kong:

1. People are too fast-paced, busy, and focused on too many things. It’s either they’re looking at their mobile phones or they’re rushing out of the train, walking fast to cross the street. It’s like they are always on to the next thing, which is binding and paralyzing. And that compelled me to pray for their nation. “This nation is Yours. May they see the beauty and freedom of having and knowing You.”

2. Ang ganda ng way finding sa kanila! Clean and minimal.

3. Their train systems are well-maintained and organized. And people know where to fall in line — they follow the signages! I believe our nation is capable of doing that as well, it just really needs to start with ourselves. Hehe.

(These were taken from my trip last year)

Thoughts on Flying

My reflection on flying has always been the same: Trust the Captain, because He knows where He’s taking you. It was a turbulent ride en route to Hong Kong, we entered the sea of clouds yet again, and everything we can see was just cottony clouds. It doesn’t make any sense. Why put a window yet enter the sea of clouds?! You could’ve just taken a different path. Now we can barely see anything and it’s turbulent! R u ok, captain?! My palms are sweaty and I’m nervous, but after a few minutes, we’re back to normal flying mode. Haha. Panic agad eh! And that experience revealed my heart. I don’t trust God entirely. Huhu.

That’s our usual response to God. We easily fall to stress, anxiety, worry, pain, etc. that we lose sight of where God is trying to lead us, and we end up sinning. We end up resisting God, leaning on our own understanding, and doing things our own way, because we believe it’s what best for us and we want to resolve tensions as fast as we can. Newsflash: we’re wrong.

It’s human tendency to always want certainty and what lies ahead in the unknown. We want to know the why in everything. We want to know, “Why this path?” “What awaits at the end of this?” “When is this going to be over?” That we neglect to notice we’re losing faith already.

“The problem is we’re always trying to live by sight and call it faith.” Ouch. That was from Ken Wytsma’s book, “The Grand Paradox”. He said in another chapter, “The secret to understanding where to go in life is found not in navigating our way to safety, but rather simply trusting in God’s leading. Trusting that He is good. Trusting that even if we don’t like where He takes us, He’s taking us there for a reason.”

Without trust, there is no faith. Without obedience, there is not faith as well. To trust is to obey God’s Word. To obey is to jump into the unknown move based on trust in a dependable God. I pray we all choose faith than looking around in fear.

Around the Philippines (char ulit haha)

Here in the Philippines, I was blessed with the chance to visit Batangas, Nagsasa, Bacolod, and Baguio, with my family and friends.

September last year, my good friends and I had an overnight trip to Batangas. And I made new animal friends.

Other people might classify me either a dog or a cat person, I don’t think I can ever be on one side. Let’s get things straight, I’m an animal person. I like talking to animals, I feel like we have this ~connection~, there’s just something about their innocent eyes that makes you want to love them dearly. I believe God has given us dominion over these creatures to properly take care of them.

Come November, we went to Nagsasa Cove in Zambales. 

There was no signal reception in the island pero keri lang! A great 2D1N trip away from the busy and noisy that is Metro Manila. I’m not a water person, in fact I’m totally scared of the water, but heeeeeyy I managed the 2hr boat ride + intense swimming against the current (THANK GOD FOR LIFE VESTS AND PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO SWIM HAHA). Also, the view was spectacular! I am stunned and amazed by just how wonderful God’s works are.

higher than the heavens

stronger than the sea

mightier than mountains

Your love amazes me

My last out of town trip for the year 2016 was in Bacolod. Good food, bro, plus it’s very affordable! Thank God for sumptuous meals. We had a day trip to Lakawon Island too!

Dinuguan with puto. But I ate it with rice hehehe.

La Paz Batchoy. Yummers.

Would you believe that this costs less than 200 PHP? Delicous ribs, yo!

We also met our church family and I was immensely blessed by their hospitality and generosity! (They paid for our food most of the time, and they fetch us at our condo everyday and they toured us around Bacolod!)

I guess how grateful you are for what God has done in your life will truly manifest in your life. I’ve never seen a person who is so thankful yet so timid and silent about it. As the song says, “So blessed, I can’t contain it. So much you’ve got to give it away.”

Indeed, if you know in your heart that God is more than enough for you, you won’t think twice about giving to others—you will truly be a cheerful giver, because you know He’s a God who provides for whatever you will need and He’s a God who will never leave you alone.

We were invited to join their event, Jesus Reigns. Thousands of youth were there, praising and proclaiming the name of Jesus. The next generation is on fire, indeed.

Baguio will always have a special place in my heart, and I will always go back! Thankful for the opportunity to be in the city with the people close to me.

This is Winter, my niece. She’s so bubbly.

Bilanggoals. October 2016.

Tomodachis. November 2016.

Fam. July 2017. Insert kuya Erick, ate Mags, and Winter.

And that’s about it for now.

I actually can’t remember how I came up with the budget to travel, but one thing is for sure, God has provided. And He has blessed me with wonderful people as I explored these places. Thank God for family and friends! Thank God for we are relational beings, that we are not meant to be alone but to be surrounded with people who will encourage and build us up.

Adjustments

People never liked the idea of change, despite it being the constant thing in this world.

Earlier this year, our church transferred to a new place. Tons of adjustments were made, we used to be in a mall in CBD Makati, and now despite being inside a mall, we’re placed in the middle of a residential area. Different barangays! It’s very exciting to see lives of people in the area transformed by Christ, but it’s not a walk in the park of course.

I am thankful that our pastor has been very open about the struggle of transitioning into a new home and for continually reminding us to be strong as we move forward to where God has called us. Indeed, our present adversities shouldn’t hinder us on the ministry He has blessed us with because He is with us and He didn’t bring us this far just to leave us.

What a wonderful opportunity to grow in faith, in ministry, and in my personal walk. There are discouraging times because there seem to be no fruit for what we’ve been doing, I must admit I’m in the brink of recoiling and giving up in serving Him, because I didn’t know what’s next. It seemed redundant! But God revealed my heart again, and I am rebuked. He reminded me that it’s not about what I see or what I feel, all of what we’re doing is for Him. And if it’s for Him, it will never be in vain. It’s also a season where God is teaching us to persevere and pray harder. The enemy is indeed at work, he wants people to give up, so God’s work will be delayed. But we should not give him a foothold of what he wants. Kaya push lang. Laban lang.

A New Season

I thought this would be the easiest part to write, but now I’m lost for words. Actually, words aren’t enough to show my gratefulness to God for blessing me with a great partner, Steven. :) Yieeeeee haha! Indeed, there is a season for everything. And this season comes with lessons and discipline, it’s continually teaching me to be selfless, loving, understanding, to be more focused on giving rather than receiving, and to be more obedient.

To me he’s the greatest musician. He’s my listening ear, my shoulder to cry on (literally), and my comedian. He likes to make puns out of the store names whenever we’re in a mall, and I can’t help but laugh. He knows how to make me burst in laughter! He always tells me how he loves seeing me smile. And I love seeing him smile too, most especially when he’s about to order that slice of cake/blizzard/glass of coke. HAHAHAHA.

I praise God for your life and I thank Him for showing love through you. You always make me happy. You remind me to be grounded on Him when I start to falter. And you hold my hand and hug me when the anxious kid in me starts to kick in. Hehe. Thank you for always encouraging me to push through with the things I thought I couldn’t do, like this blog.

You are a great blessing to me. I will always support you and your leadership, and I’ll continue to grow on being a suitable helper for you. We’ve got a looong looooooong way to go and I’m happy to be in this journey with ya. Apir!!! ;)

I don’t know how to end this post again, hahaha. So here goes:

I wonder what’s the next move? Sovereign Lord, only You know. I always ask You, what’s Your plan for me? And I am reminded that I’d rather not know the entire plan, because trusting in Your goodness is much much better and rewarding.

[sherylbajao]

Soar Like Eagles

5AM and I’m here, still wide awake. Oh boy, WHERE DID THE MONTH GO?! It’s a month since I’ve posted. I can’t believe we’re halfway through June.. and we’re halfway through the year! @_@

Who would’ve thought that in the span of those quiet days, my list of firsts went on and on? I’m not used to this kind of month, so many movements!

Hmm, let’s see: first retreat with complete strangers, first time to try yoga.. in jeans, first eatup with strangers (and a whole lot of firsts tied onto it), first plane and ferry ride, first time to set foot on foreign land, etc etc.

I was in Hong Kong on the last week of May, but I’ll save all that has transpired for a separate post. ;-) Meanwhile, please bear with me as I share my thoughts on moving.

Of course we need to ride a plane in order to move from Manila to Hong Kong. It was my first plane ride.. EVER. And it freaked me out. Months prior to our trip, I kept on asking people how riding a plane feels like. Was it like being in a rollercoaster? (Please say no, I hate rollercoasters!) How do you cope when you feel like running out of breath during take off? (This was my main concern as I usually hyperventilate, because y’know… anxious kid) etc etc. I even did some research concerning all things flying (I won’t even go into details and I won’t show you my browser’s history as you might laugh at me for being such a paranoid hahahaha).

Well, based on the articles I’ve read, it’s reassuring to know that it’s normal to be afraid of flying, most especially when it’s your first time. It’s part of it, but you can’t dwell on it. If you never try, you’ll never know, right? Indeed, moving causes you to step out of your comfort zone. You got to take the risk, and most of the time, it’s worth it. :)

This was our view on our way home. It was the first flight of the day:

Don’t we all ever get that first time giddy feels? I got awestruck, and the amusement is still here.. as I write. Good thing my friends were asleep that time because I think I’m about to cry when I saw this beautiful sight HAHAHA. (They let me take the window seat because it’s my first time :p thanks, guys!) There were some turbulence but we managed to get through it, it’s no different to riding a bus in Manila actually, haha! We even passed through the clouds, which caused additional turbulence, plus there was no view at all – just cottony white clouds! At some point I thought that we shouldn’t have passed through it in the first place – why didn’t we just avoid it?! But then I realized that you just really need to trust the Captain with that. What can I do, anyway? I’m just a passenger, and the Captain knows best.

On the other hand, this was our view en route to HKG:

Maaaan, it was raining hard that night. Plus the lightning and thunder. Nakakaloka.

Having seen a part of the world from this perspective is humbling. It made me feel so small, of course in a good kind of way. I never got to appreciate the vastness of His creations until that moment. I am reminded again that there is Someone greater, Someone sovereign, Someone mighty – over all the petty things we think that matter and that we can handle on our own.

I remember seeing a post in NASA’s Facebook page about us being just a spot in the vast universe. Come to think of it, the universe is INDEED vast and the earth is but a part of a system consisting of round hollow objects rotating around the sun. Well we can’t afford to ride a space shuttle, so a plane ride would suffice. Having seen how small the houses and islands are from that point of view is enough to remind me that we are all just the the same – small.

It’s funny how we ALWAYS forget that. We get so focused on ourselves that we forget to see the big picture. The wars on land and resources, the arguments with our neighbours, we even question the things happening around us, believing there’d be no problem if only the world operated the way we think it should – but does it even matter? Thinking so neglects the fact that we have a Grand Designer who is above all.

As Keira Knightley and Adam Levine would put it in their song Lost Stars, “Who are we? Just a speck of dust within the galaxy.” I think if everyone can see the view from above and just take a moment to grasp how small and insignificant we really are, then our perspective will have some sort of shift. From way up here, the petty things we think that matter, that make us feel we’re higher than others, that make us believe we’re entitled to something – it’s all meaningless.

It’s not about us, after all; but that doesn’t limit our existence. We are here not by our own selves but because there is Someone greater who can sustain us.

It’s fascinating how my reflections from the past months led to this. I never really got to share it with people close to me as it was pretty vague back then, but I believe it’s slowly making sense to me now.. (Around .99 out of 100%, hehe, long way to go!) Moving doesn’t just come from an impulse decision or desire. It has to start with thorough preparations as well; I guess this was part of mine – I ought to know my limitations, my insignificance, to see my need for a great God.. I got caught up in my own importance that I neglected going back to His greatness. I have this self-messianic tendency, I love taking control of things and exerting all my efforts and strength for things that will benefit me, but God proved me otherwise: to move, not by my own might, but by His spirit.

It has always been a question to me: What does it mean to move? Am I not moving enough? I’m very hyper and talkative (according to my family and friends), isn’t that what movement is about? I like to eat, therefore my mouth moves all the time, does that count? Somehow the answers are coming.. I firmly believe that moving doesn’t limit to traveling alone (the luxury of doing so anytime we wanted to is unattainable, because let’s face it, we’ve got responsibilities.. and bills to pay! Hahaha) Perhaps to move is to step up your game in your work, in school, in the ministry you are in, or in your relationships. Perhaps to move is to embark in a journey of pointing to Christ wherever you are planted in, whether in joy or in pain.

To move is to set sail. To grow and to take flight. To run the race until we see His face.

Moving won’t always be smooth sailing. You can get mocked, pressed, persecuted, isolated along the way, but it is guaranteed that we are not alone in this fight, and the prize is worth it if we endure. As it is promised: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)

Oh, to soar like eagles and have our hearts and hopes in Heaven. How cool can eagles get? When the storm approaches, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. It uses the storm to lift it higher. I want to deal with adversity and trials the way eagles do, but to do so is to set my mind and heart toward God first.

May I never tire of trusting Him in every turbulence and marvelling at the beauty of His work (in me). I don’t know what’s in store for me in the second half of the year. It may be a tough, bumpy ride, but I’m banking on Him and His promise that it’s all for my good and He will never leave me. And that’s my prayer for you too. :)

[sherylbajao]

Changed and Changing Still

(Late post, I fell asleep while writing this last May 10. Continued on May 14.)

(This is a lengthy post, please read at your own risk.)

Heya.

Just felt like giving an update about my life, haha.

It's a quarter after 3 in the morning. I just finished baking cookies that I'll be giving out to my co-gatherers tonight. Aaand I'm still feeling sick, I've had this horrible cough for a week now, and I think I might be needing to see my asthma doctor again (boohoo!).

This place has been quiet for some time. As you can see, my 20 Lyric Project has been stalled (I truly apologise for that, explanation to follow), I haven't posted any w(a/o)nderings recently, and everything just seemed quiet... I wish it really did, but real life just got noisy in the span of those weeks.

Apparently, I got loaded with tasks/work while I was on my last two weeks of social media monitoring last April, therefore the lack of posts. I swore to myself that I'll make it up on the 20th day of the project, but to no avail. All the work has piled up. Until the lyric project went to the back burner. I honestly feel disappointed, it's just my first mini-project and I haven't even finished it yet. Oh well.

Unlike March, April actually went by like a breeze, even though a lot has happened in it (so many that it's so overwhelming). I had lots of questions and realizations. I don't know if I can write everything about it yet, as I am still processing it. I don't even know how to feel about it, I don't know if I can say I'm okay with it, all I know is that I wasn't shaken by it.

Then, here comes May. The first week has been very significant to me, as I experienced a couple of firsts: (1) I got into a creative awakening retreat by myself, and, (2) I practiced my right of suffrage.

Highlights and some realizations: (1) I've had this anxiety of meeting new people. I'm scared that I can't eat in front of them (oh my, I just spilled it haha. If we meet, please don't judge me if I eat in a not so normal way hahahaha). People who are close to me keep on telling me that I'm so good at starting a conversation with strangers, when in fact I'm all trembling inside and scared of small talk. They think I'm this social butterfly but I see myself on the other side of the spectrum. Guess what? May 07 was one for the books. I can't believe I managed to make it through that day. I shared a lot of stories with my new friends.

I wasn't able to take a lot of photos, but I guess all the more you're focused in the moment without the distraction of technology makes it all the more worthwhile.

So here's a photo taken during our lunch break, these are just some of the amazing people I met at Bloodrush:

It’s a treat to meet people who are in the same page as you are. I met people who are in different fields and are wanting to venture into a creative pursuit, but don’t know how. It’s good to be reminded that you are not alone in this wandering. It's funny how we all pretend that we have it all together, that we all know what we're doing, when in fact we're always unsure of what road to take. And you know what? That stinks. We neglect the fact that we are humans when we hesitate to admit that we don't know, we think vulnerability is a weakness, when it can be a strength too. Oh, humans, when did we start to put up such a strongly-strong front, only to cover the frailness inside of it?

We did some arts&crafts as well. We were asked to create a collage. I don’t know if I did it right haha. If I remember clearly, we were asked to make a collage that would reflect yourself.

I made this. It looks unfinished, but I am unfinished. I added accents to the neutral colors because neutral colors were never striking. And I never wanted to be in the limelight, I just wanted to be some sort of a noise, an emphasis – something significant but never stealing the show. I want to make a dent for my Savior’s renown.

It was also my first time to try ~legit~ yoga, and I drifted off to a short slumber because I got too tired. And my legs were aching and shaking.. because I was wearing jeans! Hahaha. It was fun though, I feel like I've stretched my muscles well. (The last time I had a therapy session for back pain, the PT told me that I have tight muscles, and that I need to stretch more wahaha) but I've yet to master the art of breathing reversely(?). (Breathe in, stomach out! Breathe out, stomach in!)

These are some of the giveaways from the event:

I love the quote placed in the frame. “To make living itself an art, that is the goal.” Art has been such a vague topic since then, we all debate on what art should be. I believe we should just let art as it is. Everything is an art, after all. Life, after all, is art. And art is the testimony of the artist. (I think I wrote too many all and art in this paragraph. I need writing lessons.)

Update (05/14): 

(2) I voted for the first time!

Okay, I’m channeling my inner Nora Aunor here, hehehe.

It’s liberating to practice your right to vote. It’s an amazing feeling to know that I took a step to help my country. Nowadays, it’s hard not to be cynical and skeptical with all the issues this nation is facing. Some people I know won’t vote because they know cheating is going to happen. But hey, at least you’ve made your stand, right?

It makes me sad when people say this nation has no hope. We have hope. Hope is lost when all has stopped trying. And I know there are, if not all, Filipinos trying to make this place better. I’m not good with politics, I hated it, to be honest. I don’t even have full knowledge of all the things going on around the government. But if there’s one thing the Elections Day has taught me, it’s having faith with the leadership of your bet, and having all the more faith to God who will sustain whoever gets seated. I think one of the reasons why we get so skeptical is we limit things to our own perspective, we think this and that, because that’s what our minds tell us. We forget that we have a God of immeasurably more, someone who can do more than what we can imagine. If we learn to pray more for this nation and our leaders, it will make a huge difference, not only in this country, but with our lives as well.

Now, onto the gathering I went to (by myself, again):

I had a lovely time with my co-gatherers at The Raw Table. Everything went smoothly. I think if everyone took a time out their month to meet and talk with nine strangers in one dining table and just be open, the world will be a better place.

I listened and didn’t just hear their stories. I shared and didn’t just speak. Do you remember back in the day when you were a kid? When you're in the mall and you meet another kid in the playground, and you just end up playing together, not minding your differences? You just want to connect with each other. That's what happened that day. Oh, to be a child again.

I gave this together with the cookies I baked:

It’s my contact card. I told them I’m a wanderer. Soooo.. I don’t know what to do yet, and it’s up to you to fill out the blank. Perhaps, travel with sab? Eat with sab? Design with sab? You choose!

I think I can now live by the words of the cliché quote, "Not all those who wander are lost." Because right now, at this moment, I don't feel lost at all.. I am just enjoying and appreciating the beauty in the search. There's this peace inside of me that I can't explain. Of course, there are days when tension and pressure will try to knock me down, but I somehow managed to get back and stand again. You know those inflatable punching toys you see at the toy store? Those things that get right back up when you punch it because it's weighted in the bottom? I kind of feel like that. I don't know how or why, all I know is it's there. 

This wandering is teaching me something. And I’m amazed because He reveals Himself in my wandering, as I wonder in awe of His greatness.

I don’t know how to end this lengthy post. I don’t know what my main point is. I just wanna share what I had realized the past few days haha. Well, maybe it’s best to leave this here: All these events led me to remembering one thing – I am a work in progress. I am changed and changing still. I remember sharing to my friends at The Raw Table that a year ago, I wasn’t the same Sheryl that they are talking to. I was an anxious child – I think I kind of still am until now, but there was a progress, there was change: I somehow learnt to let go of the unknown, and accept uncertainty; I accepted the fact that I do not know what to do with my life, or with my career rather, but also accepted the truth that it doesn't change His love for me. Back then, I would think that not knowing what or how will make me less loved, I thought I should know by then because I have Jesus in my life. I thought God’s will was for me to know what career path I am to take, and just bloom in it. But this season in my life led me to one important realization: meeting and having Jesus is not the destination, it's the start of the journey. Journey to what? Our main destination – salvation and eternal life with Him, which I believe is God’s will for you and me.

Allow me to tell you that this life isn't a maze that's supposed to be perfectly navigated. I know this wandering is teaching me something, and I just need to trust Him in the twist and turns. He’s preparing me for my ultimate destination. I believe the same goes for you, too. Our destination is far more beyond what this world can offer, it's eternal and beyond words beautiful. I don’t think I’ll ever trade it for something temporary. What I do in this world wouldn’t matter, but what I become while doing it does.

I am grateful that I am renewed day by day. Each day of my wandering in this life, I am learning, and I am changing. And my prayer would be my desire for change will never faint, I hope you’ll pray for me too, I want to grow in this peace that was planted in my heart.

I love the commentary about this verse:

That man is blessed, who, under the chastening of the Lord, is taught his will and his truths, from his holy word, and by the Holy Spirit. He should see mercy through his sufferings. There is a rest remaining for the people of God after the days of their adversity, which shall not last always. He that sends the trouble, will send the rest. The psalmist found succour and relief only in the Lord, when all earthly friends failed. We are beholden, not only to God's power, but to his pity, for spiritual supports; and if we have been kept from falling into sin, or shrinking from our duty, we should give him the glory, and encourage our brethren. The psalmist had many troubled thoughts concerning the case he was in, concerning the course he should take, and what was likely to be the end of it. The indulgence of such contrivances and fears, adds to care and distrust, and renders our views more gloomy and confused. Good men sometimes have perplexed and distressed thoughts concerning God. But let them look to the great and precious promises of the gospel. The world's comforts give little delight to the soul, when hurried with melancholy thoughts; but God's comforts bring that peace and pleasure which the smiles of the world cannot give, and which the frowns of the world cannot take away. God is his people's Refuge, to whom they may flee, in whom they are safe, and may be secure. And he will reckon with the wicked. A man cannot be more miserable than his own wickedness will make him, if the Lord visit it upon him.

I mentioned “Art is the testimony of the artist.” Allow me to continue it with Hunter Thompson’s words, “..and if my testimony is Jesus, then my art is Jesus.” If my art is this wandering, then may this wandering point to You and You alone. For You bring me joy, even if I don’t understand everything. You steady my heart.

  If you're reading up to this last paragraph, thank you. :-) I don’t know when will be the next time I’ll put up such a long, wordy post. I suck at articulating my thoughts haha.

[sherylbajao]

Steady [20 Lyric Project]

B.P. Valenzuela hits, yo.

It wasn’t a steady ride today, though. It was humpy. Thankful that I made it through.

7/20

[sherylbajao]

Throw It Away [20 Lyric Project]

throw it away

throw it away

give your love, live your life, each and every day

keep your hands wide open

let the sun shine through

‘cause you can never lose a thing if it belongs to you

Fiction Family is a music collaboration project of Jon Foreman and Sean Watkins. Can’t believe I just found it now @_@

Anyway, back to shifting again! 2nd lap has begun! :)

6/20

[sherylbajao]

No One Like You [20 Lyric Project]

Everyday You're the same

You never change, no never

It’s my last shift for the first week of April today! And, wow, it’s Sunday again! The week went by like a blink of an eye! @_@ Never thought I’d make it out of the past week strong – but hey, I made it! I’m feeling a lot better today :) And there’s no one else to thank but Him. He sustained me. Actually, He does everyday... How did you end your first week? I hope you had even a short time to recognise and be thankful for His sustenance. :)

Soooo this concludes the first lap of the project. What I’ve learned so far:

1. It’s always a struggle to have an open theme for your designs.

2. Please don’t pressure yourself. It kills the creativity.

Looking forward to the coming weeks. 3 laps to go! :)

5/20

[sherylbajao]

This City [20 Lyric Project]

The previous verse goes:

You're careful

But charming

I may be over-analyzing

The way you say my name

like I'm not there

but I'm right there 

You're a little bit crazy

But your brand of crazy is funny

Just like the way you say "good-bye" and "hello"

and you don't wanna go

My first time to watch Kai Honasan play was last March 31 – with Autotelic. It was Urbandub’s last leg for their Endless DVD launch then. And now I got to listen to her songs on Spotify. No words. Just wow. I like her voice! :)

4/20

[sherylbajao]

On Fire [20 Lyric Project]

You are the hope i have for change

You are the only chance i’ll take

What or who are you taking a chance on today? Whatever or whoever that is, I wish you well. :)

3/20

[sherylbajao]

Swedish Number

THIS. IS. SO. AWESOME.

Sweden is the first country to have their own phone number, and you can reach to any Swede and talk about anything under the sun when you call the hotline! Talk about a country making it possible for their citizens to be ambassador of their own country, therefore, promoting tourism! Good job, Sweden! I hope to visit your beautiful country soon. <3

[sherylbajao]

Older Chests [20 Lyric Project]

Some things in life may change

But some things, they stay the same

So much feels in this song. Been reading different interpretations and self-acclaimed “interviews with Damien regarding the meaning of the song”, and found out stuff about depression, change, and under-appreciating life.

As the old saying goes, the only constant in this world is change. Change is quite scary, isn’t it? Our feelings change, our bodies change, our minds change, the seasons change, everything.. everything. But what’s up with people saying, “Some things never change.”? Hmmm, can we really say that some things do stay the same? Have we been so caught up with change that we forgot to appreciate what stayed with us?

Regardless of what, this song is great. Anything acoustic just gets me. Damien Rice, you are awesome.

2/20

[sherylbajao]

Needful Hands [20 Lyric Project]

April is just starting, and things are getting cray cray already! Haha. Apparently, we got extended on our social media monitoring task until the end of the month. I was thinking that I should do something productive alongside this task, so I came up with a mini project called 20 Lyric Project to practice my craft. It’s twenty because I have twenty shifts for this month. I love music. And I love design. Might as well come up with something! ;)

I’ll have to use a particular lyric from the song that spoke to me in every shift and come up with whatever visual direction for it. So here’s a start. I was listening to a Jars Of Clay playlist whilst working, and the lyrics of the song “Needful Hands” struck me. It goes as:

For those under the clouds

Staring up in awesome wonder

As tears come slowly down

I'm reaching up a needful hand

You are my eyes when I cannot see

You are my voice, see, sing through me

You are my strength in weakness be

To find that I could fall

And still Your grace surrounds, pursuing

To freely stumble down

I feel Your hands around my heart

You are my strength, my voice, my eyes

I lift up needful hands

You are my strength, my voice, my eyes

I lift up needful hands

I was actually feeling kinda low these past few days. Like what I said in my previous post, my body has been so sore, my bones are aching, and I’m feeling woozy. I have been to the doctor and was initially diagnosed with scoliosis, I was very, very anxious because it’s possible since I have weak bones due to calcium deficiency (I am allergic to dairy, so I had to find other substitute for calcium supplement, and I’ve taken steroids for my asthma that caused weakened bones) but thankfully it was ruled out! It’s just mere muscle strain. I feel kind of disappointed with myself, really. I haven’t been taking good care of my health, and I have been worrying a lot.

Lately I’ve been wondering about His grace. If I fall, how deep can His grace reach? Will I be okay after every setback? Perhaps this song answered me. Of course, by my own might, I will never be okay: I will always be unsatisfied, I will always be afraid, and I will always be weak. But with Him there is fullness and strength, that’s why I need Him always. 

Most of the time I feel anxious because I choose to see life through my own, human eyes. Humans are so prone to panic and fear, and what’s awesome is that on the other side of the spectrum, there’s God so gracious and willing to give peace, and I should rest on that fact. Also, 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, “For we live by faith, and not by sight.” And to live by faith includes trusting Him in every circumstance, therefore, if you have faith, there’s no reason to fear. :)

But I’m reminded that it’s okay not to be okay at times, He understands that. We are still humans, after all. He even said it – in this world we will have troubles, but take heart, for He has overcome. We can fall on Him and His words of love will cover us. And we’re all good – I think I can never explain how and why, but because He said it, I believe it.

All I know now is that I lift up my needful hands to Him, because I need Him everyday. Where does my help come from? My help comes from Him, and Him alone.

[sherylbajao]

We did it!

Soooo.. I just finished my last shift for our temporary task. I’ve endorsed to our Slack team already, and I’m about to hit the sack in a while. Maaan, my body is so sore, and I’m feeling a bit woozy, but I’m okay.. I think. hahaha.

A little backstory: the past month was quite a roller coaster ride for me. Two of my colleagues and I got assigned to a temporary team, we’re tasked to monitor the social media accounts of the company. And boy, it wasn’t THAT easy! Plus the night shifts, oh. my. gosh.

To cut the long story short, I *somehow* managed to survive the entire month without being rushed to the ER (hehe, I have vertigo+migraine problems, and poor sleep hygiene triggers it). I’m so glad my colleagues were able to survive it too! Hooray! *cue Dora’s we did it song*

Being the wander girl who loves to (over)think and introspect, I spent hours thinking of what I am getting from this experience. I know for sure that this is teaching me something. So here’s a brief list of what I learned while working:

1. There’s only so much you can do

Our mama duck said this on our first week of monitoring, we panicked when the users raged or asked about things that ain’t part of our scope. We forgot that there’s another team who will and who can handle it. @_@ This applies in real life as well! Don’t stress when you know you’ve given your best, and you’re no superman, you don’t need to handle it all. ~we’re all in this together~

2. Time management

I’m not used to working in shifts, but the past month has helped me managed my other tasks and really know my priorities. There were days when I had to cancel an appointment (I also learned the art of saying ‘no’ hehe) because I need to rest, etc etc. I also realized how time management is essential in life haha @_@

3. Do your work well

Mama Duck would always tell us, “make your mama duck proud.” Well we surely lived by that. It’s heartwarming to hear your team lead’s words of appreciation after a long night of monitoring. <3

No matter what work is tasked on us, whether we are enclosed in a cubicle from 9AM - 5PM, or we work at cafes up until closing time, the list could go on.. the bottomline is that there’s no excuse for doing poor work. As humans, we have this tendency to dump things the moment we don’t want it anymore. We tend to settle for mediocrity when we don’t feel like going the extra mile. I hope leaving a legacy will motivate us to do better, I hope we aim to leave a legacy that’ll bless others and inspire them to be better to.

Allow me to give a Christian perspective on this one, may we aim to hear the word “Well done, good and faithful servant,” on the final day. For now, let us fight the good fight of faith and do our work well. Make use of the things entrusted to us, like in the Parable of the Talents. :)

4. Drinking water does wonders

I solemnly swear that I am no 8-glass-a-day drinker. But for the whole month, I think I got to drink 8-10 glasses just in the span of my 5-hour shift. And it’s amazing! Now I understand why my friends and doctors would tell me to always hydrate myself. Also, take vitamins(!!!).

So yeah, just sharing some of my realizations whilst doing my month long task. I am so amazed with people who work on night shifts, and can still manage to do stuff during the day. It takes a lot of energy and caffeine to do that. @_@

[sherylbajao]

Switchfoot in Manila

On the evening of Easter, Switchfoot played with their Manila family. We shared songs that reminded us how big God's love is, how essential it is to draw near to Him, and to fight for LOVE.

It was such a great night. The entire band was pumped, well, everyone is.

It’s always a treat to hear foreign peeps speak in Filipino. For the encore, Jon said “Isa pa?” (One more?) and “Tatlo pa?” (Three more?) So they sang three more songs: Only Hope, Dare You To Move, aaaand Where I Belong(!!!).

Before they played the final song, Jon expressed his desire to return to Manila again soon, and how he is aware that we will never know until all of this will last. So they wanna share this song with us.. and off he grabs the banner that reads, “WHERE I BELONG”. I literally gasped and squeaked. I didn’t expect that they will play it! I thought they’re going with Learning To Breathe!!!

GOOSEBUMPS. I love this song, so so much. 

#BecauseHopeDeservesAnAnthem, this song's probably mine, second to 'Only Hope', haha. It gives me hope in this temporary home we are in – hope that makes me look forward to a home that's yet to come, and hope that helps me endure as I wait.

Jon’s right. We'll never know until when this world will last, but one thing's for sure: we will live forever in the world where we belong. For now, let's fight the good fight of faith. :)

Thank You, Lord, for the gift of music, and for this amazing band. It's fascinating how the mix of striking words, life stories, and melodies turn into something beautiful that it sends chills down one's spine.

Thanks for the wonderful night, Switchfoot! 'til you set foot on manila land again! :)

[sherylbajao]

Love, love, love

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

No, it's not the romantic kind of love that you see in movies. This love covers more than that. And it's not just exclusive for one – in fact, it's for all. No exceptions. 

How easy is it to say, "love your enemies", when you know deep inside you wanna punch them straight in the face, right? But love has to be extravagant, and if extravagance means loving even though you're hurt or offended, then so be it.

Because without love we are nothing.

But we love not because we will gain something from it, we love because He first loved us, and through this love people will know that we are His. Love is the greatest manifestation of our spirituality. Imagine replacing the word love with God in the entire passage.. that's how awesome God's love is. And that's how we ought to be if we follow Him.

It'd be a huge baloney to say that I have loved well. I'm guilty that at most times I failed at loving my neighbor.. bigtime. And my prayer as we start this year is that we may dwell more in His love. We are a society that is so good in bookkeeping (of wrongdoings) that we easily condemn others. May we go against the current so that those who are in darkness may see the beauty of His love. Again, no exceptions (yep, even the corrupt, the greedy, etc.). By the way, loving shouldn’t be equated with giving the person what he/she wants. It means to withhold what harms, as well as give what heals. Start small; touch one heart – plant the seed, forgive, correct/rebuke (with respect), encourage, and see the chain reaction.

If you need a reason to love your neighbor, just remember: the Creator, Grand Designer, Master Planner of this vast universe loves you despite your flaws, your past, even your ugly thoughts. He loves you so much that He desires for you to have your life in full, and eventually be with you in His kingdom (where no pain or suffering exists) for all eternity. Ain't that enough? :-)

Here's to a love-filled 2016. Spend your 525,600 + 1,440 minutes wisely. :-)

[sherylbajao]

For You

You give everyday; You choose to take away

sometimes i don’t understand

i’m done asking why; i simply can deny

that some things are completely out of my hands

but You are God, and i am still a man

this song is for You; the rest of them are too

You hold me through and through

oh, i’m at Your mercy, Lord

my life is for You, and everything i do

is part of the story, all for Your glory

there in the darkest night

my sad, accusing eyes were opened again for the first time

You’re such a mystery

but You bring clarity

and this song is for You;

the rest of them are too

You hold me through and through

oh, i’m at Your mercy, Lord

my life is for You, and everything i do

is part of the story, all for Your glory

the earth is Yours

the ocean, skies, and land

You hold the universe in the palm of Your hand

so help me to understand that i don’t need to understand

When we think things in our lives don’t make sense anymore, One thing does: Jesus. His greatness no one can fathom, His sovereignty no one can measure. We can rest in the fact that He is God and He is in control, for His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and His plans higher than our plans. We don’t need to understand everything, for we are mere human and He is God – whose thoughts about us are so vast. Trust that He is good and righteous.