shesasolare - Tumblr blog

[shesasolare]

I know we said last time

Would be the last time,

But I feel your voice echo

Through my body like planets

In the galaxy- you eat me out

Of this world yet make me whole again-

And then,

You kiss gently me into self-forgiveness for

Giving in even if for just a little bit longer.

Even if just for now.

anacelia

[shesasolare]

[shesasolare]

I taste your lips with just a simple text from you.

[shesasolare]

“‌It was never you who hurt me, today I realised it was always me. Doing both, the loving and the hurting.”

— Nidhi Bhasin

[shesasolare]

Tired of feeling like I can't express my complete self around you. Like the things I say or do will be reflected back to me as if they didn't require vulnerability. And then have to hear you question why I don't open up.

[shesasolare]

What would you tell your younger self?

Well, for starters, I'd tell the me from yesterday that to hold on to that fresh Saturday morning feeling and take it into Mondays.

I'd tell the me from a month ago that all the tears in her pillow will be wrung out in the form of self-awareness and she's going to love it.

I'd tell the me from last year that the me from right now hasn't forgotten you. I got you.

[shesasolare]

It's what I do best-give love to the broken even when it means I completely empty myself.

[shesasolare]

That's the thing about this us...

You get to be yourself and life free

While I suffocate-bending and molding

For you.

I get that one must put others first

But I scrapped the entire line and

Made you the only other participant.

[shesasolare]

I'll just tell it to the internet knowing that I'm not yet brave enough to yell them at the right person...

You keep coming back...to me...and part of me wants to fall and believe that you have the balls to catch me, but I know that humans can be reactionary. That just because a man chases you, it doesn't mean you want me. When you get kicked in the shins, isn't it natural to kick back? The point is that I know people know how to put on shows and this I know because I was part of audience made of one. I keep telling you to leave...to let me hurt & heal in piece, but still you penetrate the parts of me I want someone to kiss and caress...I want the best for me and my body and my body is a mess...I must confess that it feels good, but it tastes like guilt. Why let someone in when you have so much doubt? How much of the doubt comes from me and how much of it is you? I mean, you have a gift you know...you can charm the pants off a woman and perhaps they're like conquests for you and here I am putting myself on a pedestal like I'm some fucking jewel and still expecting you to treat me like I'm some top secret level of special. I keep telling you I don't want to love you and I need self control when it comes to you and you keep coming back and part of me is scared of the day when you stop fighting me and you let me go...because you get tired of how unloving I feel...because I don't trust...others or myself...because it's too much...because there are girls running in your direction rather than away from you...I want to be ready for you, but you give me an anxiety I can't quiet. I don't know how many more conversations we'll have or how much longer we'll pretend we can live with this elephant in the room, but meanwhile I figure that out I will try to brave up enough to tell you this to your face.

[shesasolare]

I massage myself with coconut oil so that when he draws his tongue across my body, his insides can stay as pure as he is.

[shesasolare]

But even temporary

Wants a home. Wants to be

Coddled into staying. Wants

To be told it's wanted. Wants

To be seen as forever. Wants

To perch on your chest like a

Purring cat, wants to be the beat

Your chest needs to keep breathing,

Wants to be the torn piece of paper

That can't be together again. The bleached

White shirt you can't make black again.

Wants to be seen as broken so it can be

Made whole again. Wants to be. Our temporary

Wants to be home.

[shesasolare]

[shesasolare]

800. 17-word kisses

You make me feel like I’m

going around the world

and coming home

at the same time.

[shesasolare]

Connected

Two like minded souls, that click… beyond distance, beyond the things that we know. How does it go… soulmate… a derelict dialogue, a reason to laugh and love, the hearts of others… the parts that wither, un-touched…

would falter and be no more, so you make them your own and in your heart, they grow. The seeds of a soul, another has borne, grow in your heart’s fertile soil. They will sprout soon and will share with you, such beauty as they bloom- that…

The things you once believed, become entirely, quantifiably-obsolete. For within another, you have found truth and beloved, new perspectives that help us all know. The winds of friendship, filling sails, timeless rifts…

So we bask in each other’s light and watch the change inside, as we learn and laugh. Can’t believe our luck that we have, found each other, in the midst of billions of souls. Destiny bringing us together, for some purpose…

A surplus of reasons, to care through all seasons, across different regions. How much does grass, that’s not watered, sow. Deep roots in perspective, through Love that’s protected. For through soulmates reflection, the heart finally learns to survive…

and thrive. The page has turned and a new story unfolds. One we will write together, as ink spills from our souls, unto white pages that will tell of a friendship, of a love so sincere, it rivals the purity of the stars in heaven and has a heart of steel.

-new friendship is precious,

Keep it protected,

Remember lost souls…

Can be reconnected

-c.S. and e.v.e.

Wonderful and spontaneous collaboration with @argumentsfromwithin

Thank you my incredibly talented friend. Its always so amazing to write with you!

[shesasolare]

Flashback to your good morning text.

It read like the sound of your morning breath.

It was the touch I needed before I even got out of bed.

anacelia

[shesasolare]

At first, the proposal was modest. Exchange lonely nights for temporary companionship. You know-late night "come over" texts so we'd have someone to "service" us while we ran away from the real stuff.

Until I realized that two halves don't always make a whole. I knew I had love to give and I was sharing it in the wrong direction. So I walked away thinking that maybe you'd understand, but instead you gave me silence.

And that's the loudest and the realest you've ever spoken.

[shesasolare]