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#mine#twitter#best of tweets#tweet#funny tweets#trump#x#funny twitter#donald trump#kamala harris#cards against humanity
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SLPT: Need to remove paint from your favorite shirt? Soak it in undiluted bleach and lay it out to dry for a night and the paint will be completely gone.
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SLPT: Don't do anything. Ever.
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Did you know that if you ignore your friends you will not be able to lie about being lonely
It's simple science
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SLPT : Save money by walking away and rejecting the invoice once your surgery is completed.
Ask them to activate their company insurance if they yell at you.
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SLPT: If you tell a pregnant woman congratulations and she tells you she isn’t pregnant, quickly tell her you meant on beating anorexia. This will save you some embarrassment and make the situation less awkward
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SLPT: When someone yells at you, just do what they do in the movies. Get closer to them and ask,"Are you as turned on as I am?" Yelling will stop.
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LPT: How to get quick and easy ass
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SLPT tired of high blood sugar? Don't eat anything, you'll be able to live like this for the rest of your life.
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SLPT It's better to live in denial than face the truth.
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SLPT: keep all your passwords posted on Facebook so it’s easily accessible. Edit: this works foe Reddit/titter/etc
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SLPT: Feeling sick from not eating but don't actually want to eat ? Down lots of fluids that will get to the stomach fast and ease the feeling. Or of course you could just like .....eat...when you're supposed to..
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SLPT: Tip for dealing with anxiety.
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SLPT: When the doctor ask you to take 2 pills a day, take 3 or 4 a day to surprise and overwhelm the virus.
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SLPT: easy way to get friends
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SLPT: Opening a brothel
If you want to open a legal brothel, call it a movie studio because having sex for money is illegal unless you film it, then your an artist. Start production on "Street walkers: Vol 1" and then bring in the "johns"
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SLPT: If pulled over for speeding, tell the officer you were just trying to get home because you left your newborn alone while you ran to the store.
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