shwaim - Tumblr blog

[shwaim]

Doodles/sketches from some stuff I saw in a dream

[shwaim]

I can't totally relate to the fact that some people would get mad that Y person interpreted their favourite character X in a different way that they interpret it...

I can kind of understand that for some people X character means a very specific thing for them, or maybe they associate that character with an event of even an emotion or sentiment. Maybe for those people that character feels almost like an extension of themselves, of a certain moment in their lives, and they get offended when people misinterpret that character... I can't totally relate to the feeling, but I guess I can understand that some people find a lof of comfort in their fictional characters (just like I do) and will find discomfort when faced with things that they think are slightly OOC (out of character), or even extremely OOC( to the point of denying the own character and forcing an interpretation that's the extreme opposite of what such character represents).

Honestly, I don't really care a lot anymore.

There are times where I see a fanfic that has characters so OOC, with the interactions being somewhat akin to stabbing the original source's message with a big knife... But the story is written with so much love in mind that it feels almost suffocating.

There are times I see fanarts of the characters going through absolute depravity or insanity. Suffering in ways that make you want to puke... But the artist stuffed so much love and attention on that art, it sometimes feels like all that care would just rip at the seams of the comic pages or the lineart, just bleed through all the colours in one big goop of love.

And I think I prefer that over being too conscious if a piece of art (be it vistual, written, crafted, etc) is agreeing to it's original source or if it's just love. I don't care if it's a love that's been raised slowly and nurtured with care; if it's been bitten, chewed and gnawned as if it's the only thing keeping that artist going; even if it's ignored for so long out of spite, sadness or even fear... If it's love, then it's just love.

It's not like anyone is being directly hurt by this artist creating things that they love, even if the way they express it is too extreme or too soft. There are times that people will just project their problems into fictional characters, other times people will wish that their characters are happier than they could imagine themselves being.

At some point I started to appreciate all the different interpretations that people have of this character. I like the jokes about "haha, your headcanon is actually incorrect" that are very common here on tumblr, but sometimes I'm not sure to what point do people really think that those are jokes or serious remarks.

I may not know who this artist is, but the way they portray this character in their fiction makes me uncomfortable. When I analyze why I'm uncomfortable, I perceive myself being put into this story because I relate too much to this character... The problem is, I am not acting as how I would expect myself to act, therefore the way this character is acting is too OOC, and therefore I think this writter is wrong. Only after understanding all these things I can step back and think: "Who is this writter actually trying to portray?". And only when I realise that while I was using my eyes to scan the character and memorize their shape, the writter already understood that character and it's symbolism without needing to rellying on other's interpretations or vision. It just feels like I've gotten used to seeing the world blurry, that when I put on glasses I can finally understand the vision that the artist wanted to desperately tell me about.

It's not exactly about getting all the character's mannerisms right, or remembering very specific plot points to "do this character justice". It's the fact that they will see this character and feel with their heart that some experiences and the symbolism behind this fictional being is worth crying over for, creating art for and loving for.

Other times I can't see anything beyond the blurry and foggy ideas that stop me. I'll try to understand why this person made this fancomic or fanart this specific way, what did they try to accomplish or what was even the message of this?

And I'll remember that not every fanart needs to have some sort of deeper meaning or interpretation. Maybe the artist just likes to draw this character (who is traumatized by rabbits) with a lot of rabbits and smiling happily. Maybe they wanted to imagine a world where this character got past their trauma, maybe they wanted to imagine a world where there was never a trauma, maybe the character in that fanart is still traumatized by rabbits but is trying their best to overcome it, maybe that character is not actually trying to overcome it and is 0.1 second away from having a total breakdown.

I don't know, I probably will never know, and at this point I don't even mind. The fact that the rabbits exist there with the character means that somethins exists there for the artist too. It can just be a colour practice, a thoughtless doodle made at 2 am while they were drunk and forgot all the information about said character, perhaps they don't even know who the character is and just saw a google photo of them and thought the character had a nice design.

Maybe their friend of partner loves that character so much, and they wanted to give something out of love for their friend/partner, even if they themselves don't love the same thing. Their interpretaion of the character may be wrong, but it was made out of harmless love.

Maybe it's deeper, but even if it was or wasn't, I'm not really privy to know about it, unless they wish to share it.

The fanart that I've drawn sometimes share so much different contexts and meaning to me. There are times where the characters are drawn in ways that go against their design or even their personality (as portrayed in their original source), most of these arts I haven't posted here on Tumblr or in any place of the internet. Even so, they are like pieces of me that may not represent anything to other people, will look like gibberish or just too "weird". But it's still love.

Even so, I think that if there's love in some sort of interpretaion of that character, I would be happy to see that a character that I love is also loved by other people. My vision of this character is foggy to you, and your vision of this character is blurry to me, but if there's love for this character from both of us, be is spilling from our eyes in tears while remembering them, or just smilling nonstop and feeling fuzy all over when seeing them, I think it's still love anyway.

[shwaim]

going to start out august with very strong reactions haha (scratchy throat and almost throwing up)

[shwaim]

Still old art from my art backlog, but it's been a while since I drew him

[shwaim]

[shwaim]

About the Hiatus

Last year I said I was entering a hiatus and that I would explain the reason once 2024 came... Before I realised, it's already June.

First of all, happy Pride!

Second of all, sorry for the silence the past months. A lot has been going on and I needed a break from social media and posting my art.

Under the cut is more info about some stuff that's been happening, there's also a tl;dr.

Because of some health reasons, I was going to have surgery in December 2023 - January 2024, but some family matters got in the way and I had to replan everything to happen in to April - May 2024.

I don't wish to enter in details about the surgery, but I wouldn't be able to draw for at least 1-2 months, so I planned to make a post after surgery... Until things got more complicated to the point that I couldn't get my surgery in May; and, the fact that I'm moving to another state altogether because of family matters will make it difficult to get into the airplane (or leaving the house altogether) after surgery.

During these past months my arm/wrist health hasn't been in the best condition, and the fact that I wasn't able to pinpoint when exactly I would be able to have my surgery was slowly draining me and making it more difficult to keep my mental health in the best condition. If my mental health wasn't helping in making me draw, even if I forced myself to sit and draw, my arm/wrist would start to hurt badly, and if I insisted, the pain would normally last for a couple of days (the longest lasting pain I felt was 6 days and the shortest 3).

I'm very lucky that this surgery isn't urgent or needed for my survival for the next 8 or so years. Even so, it was something that I was (weirdly) looking forward to and also scared of happening. In a way, I know it's needed and I do want to have it, I'm just a coward scared of pain lol.

My notebook almost died (I don't have a spare one). It's now working after a factory reset, and luckily, I saved all my drawings and little projects. I forgot to make a backup of my workspace on CSP, so now I have to manually download all the brushes I used previously, which I will do only after I'm fully moved in my new house... I've also been (Trying) to experiment with different brushes, so my art style might or not change.

Even so, because I already packed most things (including the tool that I use for drawing digitaly), I won't be able to draw for a while, I still have some art from the past couple of months that I will post glazed on social media and unglazed on my ko-fi (mostly for archive purposes), but other than that, nothing new.

These last months have been peculiar. They're not the worse and I got to rest a little, catch up to some anime and finally play Ys 2 (!!!!!).

For now, I plan to take things slowly. I probably won't post something once a week, or once every 2 weeks. There are still many story ideas and drawing ideas I wish to draw about, but for now I'm going to learn how to take it slowly.

If you're still reading this, thank you for your attention, have a nice week!

EDIT: Oh, and I finished the little Gottschalk doodles!! They're on my artfol, but I don't plan on posting them here on Tumblr because they were made in a rush in December.... I'm thinking of drawing them better once I have more time.

Tl;dr:

Was going to have surgery, got postponed 2 times, still haven't gotten it.

My mental health got worse these past months and made it difficult to draw

My arm/wrist has been hurting more frequently to the point of the pain lasting 2-4 days and making it painful to draw.

I'm moving address and will only make new art after I'm 100% moved in.

I still have some art I made during these months. I will glaze them slowly and post them on social media, while I will leave the unglazed version on my ko-fi (for archive purposes).

Won't post art every week, or once every 2 weeks anymore.

[shwaim]

As per tradition, here's Gottschalk

From the Artfol Xmas challenge, I present to you, quickly made doodles:

Unfortunately, he can't go outside...

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It's alright, it's not like he really wanted to, not really.

He can just stay indoors and read...

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But wait... What's that little creature that just appeared? It doesn't seem to be hostile...

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Oh!

It grew in size just to give Gottschalk a little present to cheer him up!

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Happy holidays and new year!

[shwaim]

thank you for the doodle omg!!! love it its perfect

No problem! I'm glad you like it! : D

[shwaim]

"being Inside a roleholders hour is like they vored you, spiritually speaking" i say, and the crowd yells no its not NO ITS NOT, and i say "hm youre right maybe its more like a womb thing" and youre like NOOOOOOO THATS WORSE

[shwaim]

⭑･ﾟﾟ･:༅｡.｡༅:ﾟ::✼🥞 Contributor Spotlight Series 🥞✼:ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ⭑

We're shining the spotlight on @shwaim, whose work exudes a captivating blend of stimulating energy and playful charm. We're absolutely thrilled to have their piece as one of the covers!

[shwaim]

Hiatus

Hello!

I will be entering a hiatus period and will explain the reason for it better once 2024 comes.

I still wish to finish the artfol advent challenge with Gottschalk doodles (as per tradition), but I'm not sure if I'll be able to do that this year.

Thank you for your understanding.

[shwaim]

Update!

Today I finally stopped curling up in pain and wishing death upon this mortal body. I'm back in the powdered milk grind, baby!

been eating powdered milk past 1-2 days. Very delicious, tummy feels funny tho, 11/10

[shwaim]

it feels like my stomach muscles are having a disco party, and one of those muscles in throwing up in the bathroom after binge drinking...

Good lord, I'm going to have some fun with my reservation with mx. toilette later.

been eating powdered milk past 1-2 days. Very delicious, tummy feels funny tho, 11/10

[shwaim]

been eating powdered milk past 1-2 days. Very delicious, tummy feels funny tho, 11/10

[shwaim]

[shwaim]

This is the first time I've finished a drawtober challenge, so here's some Snake!Crowley drawn during this October (with the exception of day 17: Butterfly):

Shameless self promo, but I have the unglazed version on my ko-fi, if you're interested.

[shwaim]

Little snek