silhouetteonpaper

[silhouetteonpaper]

The Rooftop

Summary: The rooftop was like your safe space. It felt even more familiar than the apartment you just moved into. Transitioning to the city wasn’t easy, and you had to do it all alone. But when someone else joins you at your secret spot, who would’ve thought where you’d be by the end of the week? Natasha Romanoff x Reader W/C: 2,985 Warnings/Themes: Angst, fluff, allusions to suicide, combat, abandonment A/N: I just moved to nyc and unfortunately Natasha does not live in the same building :( But it gave good inspiration for this fic I’ve been cooking up! I hope you enjoy! (this fic does contain brief mentions of suicide, but doesn’t outwardly state it. if you are ever feeling down, my DMs are always open.)

Crisp, cool air blew across the red of your cheeks, the partially dry tears making haste to fully evaporate. Puffy red eyelids left in their stead, yet you ignored it to look out at the city below. Your legs dangled off the concrete, a thin coat barely keeping you warm in the winter weather outside. The rooftop provided solace from the world— no matter what was going on in your life, there would be peace and quiet up here. Though, this apartment complex had a different view on the top floor.

Instead of being five or so stories up, this building was reaching for the stars at over fifty floors. You never imagined you’d move to a city where the buildings climbed to incredible heights, but here you were. The cars were smaller this high up, yet the lights were so much brighter. Each little window, each traffic light, each digital billboard traveling for miles into the distance; it all filled the muted buzz below with a warm glow. There was another difference with this new apartment building’s view, but it wasn’t one you encountered on the first night after moving in.

The third night was when this change occurred. A disruption to your peaceful evening, prompted by the redhead who jolted at the sight of your dark silhouette. “Oh, I’m sorry.” You spoke, turning around to see the woman in the low lighting. She had been so quiet when entering the rooftop, it was only the sharp inhale that gave away her presence. As the woman looked you up and down, you hoped she couldn’t see your red teary eyes under the dark night sky. “I stole your spot, didn’t I? I can leave…” But before you could move to get up, she waved her hand outwards to keep you in place.

“No, there’s no need. This is a shared space.” You nodded once, turning back to your former spot. Even in the dim lighting, you could see her lips curve into a soft smile. If you studied her expression harder, maybe there was something else in her eyes beyond that. “Are you new to the building?” The woman asked as she sat a few feet away on the ledge.

You wrapped yourself tighter in your coat. “Yeah, moved in just a few days ago. It’s quite the dream, but definitely more… busy— than what I’m used to.” There was a feeling like you could talk openly with this woman; the words easily formed regardless of your prior state. She made the bold move to not only join you, but spark up a conversation. It felt comfortable.

“Welcome to the city,” She laughed. It was low and raspy, making you smile in return. “You’ll get used to it eventually. I’m Natasha, by the way.” Her eyes met yours, and that’s when she noticed their glassy rim. 

You quickly introduced yourself, looking back out to the city before she felt the need to press. “Nice to meet you.” Her eyes lingered on you for a moment, but eventually her gaze fell back out to the vast streets as well.

“What got you to move here?” Natasha asked, keeping things light. You weren’t sure if she was purposely avoiding asking what was wrong.

You kept your eyes on everything but her. “Work. My new job is in the city, and I figured it would be easier to move all together than to commute.” Were you oversharing? You weren’t sure, and the exhaustion from crying earlier was making you slightly unaware of your words. That’s why you came up here in the first place; to think and to process the harsh transition. For some reason, Natasha was making you question your every move. You didn’t want to ruin her night with your sob story.

“Smart, probably easier that way.” She was likely just playing along, yet you hoped your small talk wasn’t boring her. The conversation would have been so much easier if you weren’t freezing in the winter wind. No matter how close you pulled your jacket, the chill still got into your bones. “You’re shivering. Why don’t you come inside for some coffee?” She was observant, you quickly realized.

Did you hear her correctly? Looking up at her, she was already gazing at you with gleaming eyes and questioning brows. Your lips curved into a sort of half smile; something about her was enticing. She didn’t mention your red eyes, or strange behavior. Natasha just went along with it all and invited you inside. How could you say no? “That would be lovely.”

Her unit was laid out similarly to yours, except she decorated hers completely different. Instead of the homey, cozy ambiance you created in your own apartment with the softest plush couch and all the warmest blankets you could find, Natasha opted for a sleeker, more stylish appeal. She had a leather couch in the center of the living room, paintings that seemed to have large price tags hung on the walls, and a minimalist clean feel on each kitchen counter. It almost seemed like she didn’t spend much time here. There wasn’t much live between the walls and expensive decorations, yet maybe that was the kind of person she was.

“Here,” Natasha handed you a white mug of steaming coffee. Natasha stood behind the counter, nodding toward a stool at the countertop for you to sit. The warmth was relieving as you held the steaming liquid between your hands, offering a nod in thanks. There was a silence, but not necessarily an awkward one.

“So,” You sipped at your coffee, debating what to ask her. Eyeing the paintings, you opted for the usual ‘get to know you’ banter. “What do you do for work?”

Natasha must’ve noticed your prior look around, as she smiled. “I work at a law firm.” That’s why she was so observant, it was likely her job to notice every detail. She poured herself a mug of coffee, but while her eyes were focused on the mug, yours were stuck on her. There was an interesting quality to her; she was forward, yet kind. She was classy, yet seemed humble. The incessant urge to get to know her only grew.

“How long have you lived in New York?” You kept the questions going, savoring the time with Natasha while trying to keep the silence at bay.

“Over a decade now,” She answered, tilting her head as more gears turned internally. “But I’m still learning new things about the city to this day.” Her eyes met yours again, and you smiled in response. Natasha was attempting to make you feel better about your nervous jitters regarding moving to a big city, and it was definitely making a big impact. It was proof that a little kindness could go a long way.

“Can I ask you something now?” Natasha questioned softly, wrapping her hands around the warm mug out of hesitance. You nodded, raising your eyebrows ever so slightly. Assuming she’d ask something taboo, you thought she’d propose a silly personal question that would help her get to know you. Why else would she ask permission? But the next words Natasha spoke made your heart sink. “What was going on before I got to the roof? Are you alright?” You realized you hadn’t even thought about your earlier episode since Natasha appeared.

It was probably quite the sight to walk in on. Someone dangling their feet over a rooftop with tears streaming down their face, protected by nothing but the warmth of their red cheeks. Most people don’t sit on the ledge of a building unless they have grim intentions. You hoped she couldn’t see that much, but her ability to notice even the smallest of details was becoming more clear. The truth was, you were completely overwhelmed. Moving to a new city was one of the scariest things you’d ever done. 

All your life, you lived in a small town where kids were expected to grow up and join the endless cycle of never escaping it. You were different; ever since the idea of graduating filled your mind, you dreamed of a life where you could leave and see the world. Your parents disagreed, and knew the wish would fizzle out eventually. But with perseverance, you got your degree, worked a simple job at home to save up, and finally received a job offer in one of the many iconic places you had dreamed of visiting.

It all sounded so perfect; moving to the city, working a job you loved, becoming the best version of yourself. But that reality was quickly slashed in half when your goodbyes were fronted with your parents cutting you off. They didn’t support you moving away, and you knew they wouldn’t. But a part of you hoped they would change their minds after seeing how happy you were here. So far, they’ve kept up the cold front, but you knew that this was just another hump to get over.

Your apartment was quickly furnished with each piece you meticulously chose beforehand. The cozy safe space was built, and you were ready to face the world outside. But to your dismay, the workforce on this side of the coast was quite contrasting to what you were used to. There was no evidence of a team that worked together, but rather competing employees and constant challenges to prove yourself. The first day of work was so overwhelming, you swore you’d never leave your apartment again. Still, the urge to keep persevering was embedded in you at this point.

Another day of work, and you were completely drained. If only you weren’t so excited to start, and offered to work the second you moved in. The inevitable breakdown commenced the moment you got home from the crowded subway ride; each slow stop into the stations urging your tears to finally fall as you rode back from work. You had no one to comfort you but the serene cityscape that coaxed you to move here in the first place. After sitting in the heavy weight of despair for a few hours, Natasha’s presence was relieving. Proof that people weren’t all terrible, and maybe the city had something good to offer.

You suddenly realized Natasha had been staring at you with furrowed brows for who knows how long; the silence had grown as she waited for you to respond. “It’s been a lot to move here as someone who isn’t used to the city,” You paused, trying to think of what to say. Natasha clearly cared about what was happening earlier, so you knew there was no reason to spare details. “My parents cut me off when I left home, so I’ve been on my own during this move.” You looked down at your nearly-finished mug of coffee. “Work has been terrible, and I’m worried I made the wrong choice.”

There was more silence, but you could feel Natasha’s expression soften. “I go to the roof to think. It’s what I did at my old place. I promise I wasn’t up there for any other reason.” You clarified, looking back up at Natasha to see her smile slightly.

“Good, because there was no way I was letting that happen.” Her tone was back to being direct, just as before. There was an unspoken comfort in the way she listened to you, like she somehow understood— or at least wanted to. You weren’t sure what it was, but you were thankful Natasha had entered the rooftop when she did.

“Is that why you sat with me, and invited me inside?” The question left your lips out of worry. If you weren’t a damsel in distress, would she take back her kindness? Maybe it was your recent anxieties forming in new ways; the abandonment from your parents had to have left a mark.

Natasha tilted her head again, you could tell that meant she was thinking. “Not completely. If anyone is out there crying alone, I’m not just going to leave.” You took a deep breath, offering her an understanding smile.

“Does this happen often, then?” You joked, sipping at the last drop of your coffee. She laughed, shaking her head.

“You’re my first rooftop rescue— in this apartment at least.” She winked, making the red of your cheeks return. “But in all honestly, I’m sorry about your parents. I’m glad you moved here, we have one less cranky neighbor now.” Her eyes lit up as you laughed. “If you ever need anything, I’m right down the hall.” Natasha was truly kind, yet cunning. Whatever this was between you two, you were beyond grateful.

After an exchange of numbers and a few lasting goodnights, you left for your own apartment. Coffee with Natasha was just what you needed, and the guarantee of seeing each other again kept you eager for whatever tomorrow had to offer. Her extended support instilled you with the urge to give living in New York one more shot. If you knew she was just down the hall, maybe living here wouldn’t be so bad.

—————

After you returned from a long workday, you were supposed to have a relaxing evening. The idea of walking down the hall and knocking on Natasha’s door pestered you all day; maybe you two could go for drinks, or have a night in. But you didn’t even get to take your coat off before chaos struck.

It happened so quickly. You put your bag on the bed, then there was a crash in the kitchen. Someone was in your apartment. You didn’t even remember dialing her number, but your only New York contact picked up in seconds. “Natasha,” your voice was quiet as you held the phone to your cheek, tears brimming in your eyes as you hid beside your bed. “Someone’s here, call 911.” Another crash. You winced. Natasha breathed heavily into the phone like she was already running, yet didn’t say a word before the line hung up. You assumed she was dialing the authorities as quickly as possible. You were wrong.

Crash. Your head fell into your knees. This was how you were going to die; not by falling off of a roof, but by being too defenseless to do anything. Smash. They were looting the place, but the next sound you heard wasn’t the echo of dishes breaking— it was the grunt of a woman. Natasha, you quickly realized as something thumped against the wall. She came here to defend you, but why? How could someone be so brave to fight against a few apartment thieves? Why didn’t she just call the police?

Silence. Oh god, how you hoped they didn’t hurt her. Your head was fully in your knees by now, red marks being left in the palms of your hands by how tight you were holding yourself. The bedroom door squeaked open, and your heart nearly stopped. “Are you okay?” The low raspy voice brought air into your lungs— it was Natasha, not one of the perpetrators. Raising your head, you looked up at the redhead who appeared without a scratch. She bent down beside you, her hand resting on your knee as you caught your breath.

“How did you..?” You muttered as tears fell onto your cheeks. “Are they gone?” You looked up to see her nodding and offering a hand. Taking it, you stood on wobbling legs as she took you out into the kitchen. With a racing heart, you didn’t know what to say. Did she scare the thieves off? The silence was ringing in your ears, yet you had no idea what would be lying in your kitchen as Natasha walked you out of the bedroom.

Two intruders, dressed in black, both unconscious and bleeding on the floor. Your hand covered your mouth in shock; it was almost more distressing than the broken dishes and littered belongings everywhere. “What the hell…” You slowly looked over to the redhead, who was fronting a stoic expression. Whoever that woman was, she somehow took out both of the criminals. “Who the hell are you?” You locked eyes with the woman before you who was a friend mere moments ago, but now felt like a stranger. As relieving as it was she dealt with the intruders, you had no clue if she’d be one too.

She inhaled sharply, eyeing both the intruders as if they’d stand back up for another round. “We need to get you out of here, c’mon.” Her hand found your shoulder as she softly pushed you toward the door, her urgency rising.

“No!” You shouted, turning on your feet to face her again. “Tell me what the hell just happened.” With words like ice, you stood frozen as the woman who seemed to be in a rush remained silent for a moment.

“I don’t work at a law firm,” She breathed. “I work for S.H.I.E.L.D.. This wasn’t a coincidence, someone’s after you. I don’t want to wait and find out what they’ll do next.” S.H.I.E.L.D., as in the big organization of trained agents? Natasha was an agent, and suddenly everything was making sense. Her insane ability to read small details; her knack for offering support; her ability to take out two enemies in seconds. You knew it was likely she was undercover, yet you still felt betrayed.

Regardless, the threatening manor of her words took precedence above all else. “Someone’s after me?” You questioned, watching Natasha’s every expression. What could someone possibly want with you? You had only lived here for a few days, yet whoever organized this clearly wanted to take care of it as soon as possible.

She nodded once firmly. “Yes, now move before I move you.” In that moment, you knew you didn’t have a choice— and that above all else, your life was about to get even crazier.

[silhouetteonpaper]

guys i’m sorry for being not super active i moved across the country but i have some new stuff coming soon!! 🙏🏻 love you all mwah

[silhouetteonpaper]

thank you for your service 🙏🏻🫡

Fulfilling my lifes purpose🫡 (sending tik toks to Americans)

[silhouetteonpaper]

i’ve been writing some new stuff but i want to know what characters/themes you all want to see most!! my requests are open too :)

[silhouetteonpaper]

thanks for the tag! oh gosh i have such a long user 😭 let’s give this a try

Sparks, Coldplay

I Know The End, Pheobe Bridgers

Lovers Rock, TV Girl

Let It Happen, Tame Impala

Hearing, Sleeping At Last

Orange, Joni

It’s Called: Freefall, Rainbow Kitten Suprise

United In Grief, Kendrick Lamar

Evergreen, Richy Mitch & The Coal Miners

Teenage Girl, Cherry Glazerr

The Bug Collector, Haley Heynderickx

Exit Music (For A Film), Radiohead

Orange Juice, Noah Kahan

Need 2, Pinegrove

Present, Lloyd Vaan

Anything, Adrianne Lenker

Pluto Projector, Rex Orange County

End of Beggining, Djo

Rivers and Roads, The Head And The Heart

i'm tagging: @wandasreallover, @yelenaslyubov, @youreatotalposer, @romanoffsbish, and whoever wants to do it! (no pressure)

Rules: Spell out your url using song titles, then tag up to as many people as there are letters in your url. 

I was tagged by @nighttimemachinery​. Thanks girl :) 

I: I Hope You’re Happy Now - Carly Pearce & Lee Brice

M: Must’ve Never Met You - Luke Combs 

P: Peter Pan - Kelsea Ballerini

R: Rhythm Of Love - Plain White T’s 

A: A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton 

C: Craving You - Thomas Rhett & Maren Morris 

T: Take Me There - Rascal Flatts 

I: I’ve Been Good - Cassadee Pope 

C: Cup Of Tea - Kacey Musgraves 

A: Any Ol’ Barstool - Jason Aldean  

L: Losing Sleep - Chris Young 

-

M: Mary Go ‘Round - Kacey Musgraves 

A: A Song For Everything - Maren Morris

T: Talk of This Town - Catherine McGrath 

T: Think of You - Chris Young & Cassadee Pope 

E: Even If It Breaks Your Heart - Eli Young Band

R: Red Light - David Nail 

S: Shallow - Danielle Bradbery & Parker McCollum

My URL is also long, and wow I am terrible at remembering the names of songs. Almost every song is country. I will not be able to come up with 18 people, but here’s what I got. Also no pressure if you’re not into it, don’t worry about it! @those-who-fall @ luulapants @ dannneelackles @ msmischief101 @clotpolesonly @ spacewolfcub @ tracesnake @ mercheswan @fandomslash @when-she-writes-stuff@superdanys @lovelyhufflepuff38 @evanesdust @daisyxbuckley @lefaymorgan @blvckcanry

[silhouetteonpaper]

I LOVE U SM happy new year <33 so many great fics from so many great writers on here!!

This is a list of the fic' I have read last year, and that, in my opinion, everyone should read at least one. it is not exhaustive, but it still has something like forty-five links so you've got plenty to read already.

Do not hesitate to share your favorites as well, and think about reblogging and leaving comments under the fic you are reading. it is important to appreciation to the writers, especially if you want to keep having fic' to read <3

You can also have a look at my masterlist while you are here 👉👈

Happy new year to everyone <3

| NATASHA ROMANOFF.

✧ UNDER HER SHADOW, by @engr4veq. — mafia au. kidnapping.

✧ BENCHED, by @silhouetteonpaper. — angst, fluff. it is also my absolute favorite.

✧ LITTLE SPIDEY, by @yelenasdiary. — angst with comfort.

✧ OPPORTUNITY, by @silhouetteonpaper. — slight angst, mainly fluff. protective natasha.

✧ IS THIS HATRED? OR LOVE? by @huggingkoalas. — fluff, one bed trope.

✧ ON THE RUN, by @silhouetteonpaper. — angst. fluff/comfort. they are truly adorable.

✧ DON'T HIDE, by @purifiedclitoris69. — slight angst with comfort.

✧ THE CYCLE OF GRIEF, by @silhouetteonpaper. — angst.

✧ SECRETS BEHIND OUR DREAMS, by @thewidowsledger. — series. mob boss!natasha x stripper!R. definitely do not believe the bad writing tag, it is a lie.

✧ GETTING CLOSER TO YOU, by @wanatasha. — short series. bounty hunter!natasha. the account is desactivated sadly, but their writing is very good :(

✧ BRAVE, by @traveler-at-heart. — angst. loss.

✧ PARAMEDIC, by @natsaffection. — motorcycle accident. paramedic!natasha. really cute. slight angst.

✧ BY ANY MEANS, by @may-fanfic.

✧ ONE STEP AT A TIME, by @natsaffection. — mental health issues. loss.

✧ IS IT THE END? by @katyaromanoffpetrova. — xOC. angst. I don't usually read fic' that are not xR, but damn, this one is definitely worth it.

✧ DERIVED FROM POWER, by @silhouetteonpaper. — series.

✧ ALONE AGAIN, by @goldenempyrean. — if you want your heart to be broken.

✧ FAMILY DINNER, by @marvelfilth. — mainly fluff.

✧ FORTY, LOVE, by @munariplans. — tennis player!R. heavy angst. very well written. It broke my heart, but I really was obsessed with it.

✧ WHERE DID YOU GO? by @imaginedanvrs. — angst. mentions of kidnapping and torture.

| WANDA MAXIMOFF.

✧ FRACTURED FUTURES, by @stayevildarling. — angst. hurt/comfort.

| WANDANAT.

✧ THE RED MEANS I LOVE YOU, by @saphiccarma. — mob bosses. serie.

✧ MOUNTAINS, by @stayevildarling. — angst. hurt/comfort. mention of trouble eating. this one is my absolute favorite.

✧ JUST COME HOME, by @katethewriter. — angst. secret relationship trope.

✧ SHEEP IN WOLF'S CLOTHING, by @cookiesimpt. — dark. adults only. werewolf!R.

✧ SHOW AND TELL, by @imaginedanvrs. — dark. smut.

✧ PENDULUM, by @wandaslittlebird. — sub drop. comfort.

✧ SHOWING EVERYTHING, by @natsaffection. — angst.

✧ YOU ARE IN LOVE, by @wandasaura. — angst/comfort. smut. it would be criminal to not add this one to the list.

✧ GOOD LUCK, BABE, by @stayevildarling. — angst. comfort. mentions of abusive partner (not wandanat). i love this plot so much, it is perfect for angst/comfort.

✧ VAMPIRE EMPIRE, by @ahhhwomen. — dark. vamp!WandaNat. I am obsessed with this series, it is so well written, and the angst is perfect.

✧ THE BEAST YOU'VE MADE OF ME, by @unholyhelbig. — series. so well written that i don't have the words.

✧ NOTICE ME, by @yelenasdiary.

✧ CAPTURED, by @infamous-light. — villain!R. mind manipulation. manhandling.

| WANDANAT X CORDELIA GOODE.

✧ TANGLED IN DOUBT, by @stayevildarling. — angst. self doubts. comfort.

| WANDA x NATASHA x MARIA.

✧ TO BE TAMED, by @greatpower-greaterresposibility. — dark. heavy pet play.

| WANDA x KATE.

✧ Na úpätí trónu, by @kitmoas. — dark. smut.

| BLACKHILL.

✧ LET ME CHECK, by @wandasaura. — smut. this one makes me feral if i am being honest.

✧ EVEN STATUES CRUMBLE, by @wandasaura. — hurt/comfort.

| AGATHARIO.

✧ DON'T THEY KNOW A RABBIT CAN'T CRY, by @a-simple-imagine.

✧ OURS TOGETHER, by @lowkeyerror. — angst. hurt/comfort. familiar!R.

| CAROL DANVERS.

✧ HOME, SWEET HOME, by @imaginedanvrs. — slightly dark. definitely one of my favorite carol's fic.

| BISHOVA.

✧ CLIPPED WINGS, by @imaginedanvrs. — dark. smut.

✧ LITTLE SPARROW, by @imaginedanvrs. — dark. smut. same universe as clipped wings, and I definitely obsessed with it.

| OLIVIA BENSON X READER.

✧ HEALING HANDS, by @stayevildarling. — angst. mentions of suicide. another character i do not know, but the writing is so good that i was forced to read it.

[silhouetteonpaper]

Winter Warning

Summary: When a severe storm rolls around during the holidays, you’re hesitant to let your girlfriend go off on a mission. With New Years right around the corner, you don’t know if she’ll be back in time to celebrate one of the holidays you find most important. Natasha Romanoff x Reader (brief Steve appearance) WC: 1,390 Warnings/Themes: Fluff, slight angst A/N: Happy new year!! I wish you all the best in 2025 <3

The flurries of white nearly covered your entire view out of the New York apartment. Blankets of snow were falling onto the icy city streets that were now empty due to incoming weather warnings. One of the few times of the year where the bustling city noise suddenly disappeared. Out of all the reasons you and Natasha picked this apartment, the view was the most enticing one. A window overlooking the city that gave the cozy apartment a peek into the busy outer world, while still offering shield to the hustle and bustle. You also assumed the wide overlook gave Natasha a chance to keep an eye on things, but she’d never admit that.

Natasha, your girlfriend, was still hard at work as an Avenger. Crumbling cities and alien attacks didn’t just pause for the holidays—no matter how much you hoped they would. December passed in a blur of holiday cheer, each day filled with something fun and special as the two of you created new holiday memories. From picking out ornaments together, to baking new recipes, it was all you could ever hope for.

But the second each present was opened and the entire panettone was finished, Natasha was asked to join a last minute mission. Knowing the way her job worked, it was less of a request and more of a demand—but everyone was still in the lenient holiday mood. Natasha wasn’t one to argue, so off she went packing a duffel for what was supposed to be a couple days away from home.

It had only been a few months of the apartment being called home. Natasha was hesitant to use that word at first, especially when most of her life was stuck in various places across the globe. Once all her possessions were under one roof, it gave both of you some peace of mind. You were relieved to see her settling into this new space, and she was happy you were happy.

You were disappointed when hearing she had to leave home for a few days, but ultimately understood. After giving her a reluctant kiss goodbye, the clock for her return started ticking. Little did you know, she’d be gone more than just a few days. A tricky mission paired with severe snowstorm warnings threatened the next few weeks; you didn’t even consider what that meant until her car was long gone. You would be alone for New Years.

Maybe it was selfish to worry about being alone for a holiday that only celebrates the changing of a calendar, but Natasha knew how important New Years was for you. When she first met you, your warm personality was covered by the cold front you were forced to put up. An enemy agent only working under duress of the higher ups left you to follow tasks in fear of the consequences. But Natasha was intelligent, and knew how to break you down in order to complete her mission. What neither of you could’ve expected was the fearing girl you were underneath it all.

After all that happened, Natasha couldn’t help but take you under her wing. You were ready to change your ways, and staying with the kind redhead was far more appealing than a criminal organization. Besides, it’s not like any of them would dare to challenge Natasha when she stole you for herself. The rest was history; you both found solace in each other’s presence, filling in each other’s mission pieces.

The passing of time allowed you an opportunity to change as a person, to grow and move beyond your past criminal ways. The New Year was an important landmark as it meant you were not only another year forward from your rough past, but given yet another chance to start cleaner than before. Natasha understood this more than you knew, and made it a goal to support you in the face of a fresh start. Though this winter storm posed risk for Natasha’s presence at New Years.

A few other members of the team were still in New York, having been lucky enough to escape the fate of getting selected for the mission. Maybe they knew just how anxious you’d be, because five days after Natasha left, an Avenger appeared right on cue with a knock on your door. You stood from your cozy spot on the couch, looking through the peep hole to find a disheveled looking Steve in the hallway.

“Did you fall into an icy lake before coming up here?” You questioned as he shed his damp winter coat. He was carrying a few bags of groceries, some of your favorite snacks sitting on top. Natasha definitely texted him.

“There’s been three inches of snowfall in the last few hours. I think the universe is trying to bury us in snow.” Steve laughed, hanging his coat up by the door. He easily took notice of the nest you crafted on the couch, nearly every blanket in the house somehow piled around a you-shaped hole in the center. His silence told you he was worried—after all, he knew about the importance of the New Year for you.

“Any word on Natasha?” Although you had texted her every day, her responses only included so many details. Sometimes Nat herself didn’t even know when she’d be returning. Steve likely came from the compound, there was always a chance he knew more than you did.

But he shook his head, making you exhale disappointedly. “Nothing yet.” Steve shot you a sympathetic smile.

“Well, thanks for the groceries anyways.” You shrugged, eyeing the bags full of treats you would rather share with Natasha than enjoy on your own.

“Anytime,” Steve nodded, grabbing his now slightly less damp coat. “Call me if you need anything, okay?” You only nodded silently in response, watching as he left. Then you were alone, just like before. The truth was, you wouldn’t call anyone if you needed anything. The only person you wanted to call was Natasha, and she wasn’t available. So the only remaining option is to isolate yourself. Nat knew that was what you would resort to, which is why she likely asked Steve to stop by with something to cheer you up. A sweet gesture, but you wished it made you even the slightest bit better. Nothing could compare to the presence of Natasha.

—————

Fast asleep on the couch, tangled between five blankets all covering the worn cushions; the fire stoked and raging, offering even more warmth in contrast to the icy layer of blue just outside the window. You had stayed up for hours, just in case Nat came home in time for the New Year only a few hours away—but with your lack of sleep from previous nights spent awake, you didn’t stand a chance. By 9:00pm, you were out cold. Not even the lock clicking on the front door caused you to stir.

An exhausted redhead walked in, duffel bag landing softly on the table beside the raided bags of groceries you were too tired to put away. She smiled at the various open snacks, but nothing could compare to the grin spread across her face when she noticed you on the couch. All bundled up, your worried expression fallen in your sleeping state—yet Natasha didn’t have to see you in person to know how worried you were.

She pushed a few blankets aside, sitting next to you as she admired the peaceful apartment she was lucky enough to return to. Softly brushing stray hair out of your face, she hoped it would cause you to stir. “Hi my love.” You opened your eyes to red hair illuminated by the firelight. She looked ethereal, almost unreal. More than anything, you were grateful to see her.

“You’re back,” You exclaimed tiredly, hands softly attempting to pull her close. She nods with a chuckle, lying down behind you so she can wrap her arms around you fully. “Happy new year.” You spoke softly.

“Happy new year.” She whispered back into your ear. In the solace of each other’s arms, you both knew this year would be even better than the last. With each fresh start, you would always be beside Natasha. No matter how much you grew or who you became, the two of you would face it all together.

[silhouetteonpaper]

thanks for the rec!! ❤️

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[silhouetteonpaper]

hi friends! just a little update for you all:

i recently got some news regarding my health so i’ve been a bit inactive. i apologize if i’m not interacting with posts as much, but know i am cheering you all on from my little bubble!

with these changes in my life i’ve had more time to write, so i’ll continue posting like usual, i’m just not online much otherwise. i appreciate you all so so much and i hope you have the best week!

[silhouetteonpaper]

Destruction Is No Different From Love

Summary: Wanda and the Scarlet Witch were names that often came hand in hand. When you were given the chance to see who she really was for yourself, beyond the memories of your past relationship, you didn’t hesitate to take it. Wanda Maximoff x Reader WC: 2,444 Warnings/Themes: Angstyyy, mentions of westview, not completely proofread

The only sound filling the car was the gravel crunching beneath each tire, paired with the occasional gust of wind whipping across the windshield. You turned off the radio long ago, back when the main road turned into something more despairing. Isolation; houses that ended abruptly like the plague lived across the road, grasslands untended to like their soil was unfit. When the address was handed to you, this was the last thing you expected. A part of you hoped the girl you used to call your own would be living happily in the bustling city, or peacefully on a tranquil farm. But maybe you always knew that wouldn’t be the truth.

Wanda had left months ago. After Westview, you could’ve sworn she would try and make things right between the two of you. That might’ve been a selfish thought, but you were so desperate for it to be true that it consumed you. You two were once so close, inseparable was the term often used; back when you and Wanda were tossing the idea of starting a family together back and forth. She wanted kids. You didn’t. Maybe it was all your fault. The remaining team had to talk you off a ledge once Wanda disappeared in an attempt to dull your hopes for her return.

You knew why she created the hex, but those in charge of investigating it didn’t call on you for a while. They all feared your personal connection would cause even more destruction, that sending you into an open war zone would create some sort of added hostage situation. You were almost flattered they even considered your feelings, or that they considered Wanda’s. That wasn’t a common thing

After you were finally able to help them take down Westview, there was a moment between you and Wanda that still couldn’t be described. A mutual understanding that she needed to leave, a silent apology for all those things that went unsaid, and maybe a spark of something between you two that hadn’t completely died. Or maybe, you just missed her so much that you twisted the truth. Wanda was ashamed of her actions and wanted to get away from it all, and you were egotistical enough to think any of it had to do with you.

But the day you were asked to go find her changed everything. Months of being told you needed to drop it, and here the team was convincing you to find her again. You were getting whiplash, yet that wasn’t deterring you from accepting the chance of seeing her again. They had found a possible address with traces of her magic being used on the property. Either a home she’d made, or a crime scene waiting to be discovered. And you were the one sent to find out.

The reason for sending you of all people made sense. If anyone was going to talk Wanda down, convince her to come back, it would likely be you. Although heartened, you weren’t sure what was left of the relationship torn apart by her red magic. Distant memories of warm interactions soon became crowded by the ones full of destruction. So, as you ventured into the mountains beyond civilization, you swallowed any hopes of getting her back as something more than a co-worker.

You were surprised to see Wanda chose an area of such complicated terrain. Mountains brushing the sun, so tall they appear as barriers rather than a place to make a home. Trees passing beside your vehicle, branches waving hello—or maybe waving a warning. And right in the center, a small wooded cabin that couldn’t possibly be home to Wanda Maximoff.

But you weren’t facing Wanda. You were facing the enhanced individual everyone warned you about, all those years ago before you knew her as a significant other. A stranger, that’s who she was today. And you had to act like an agent and treat her as such; a dangerous enhanced individual.

Your car came to a halt right out front of the battered porch. There was no evidence a person lived inside the walls crafted from logs, so you had to tread lightly. Maybe it would be a set up, or maybe Wanda blew through here and left more victims. She was dangerous, and you had to be on guard. Still, the image of her beside you, green eyes sparkling as they looked into yours, her smile unmoving as she let your arm wrap around her waist, it was the Wanda you wanted to remember.

“I didn’t expect visitors.” A voice appeared behind you. Your hands ghosted the gun on your hip, body turning quickly to face the person standing beside your car. Wanda, hair an even lighter shade of red like she paid no attention to it fading in the sunlight. Longer in length, because you weren’t around the clean up the edges. And her face… it was the same, yet so different. Like she had gone through all five stages of grief.

Your hand relaxed as you realized she was only wielding gardening tools. Although almost as dangerous as a gun when engaging in hand to hand combat, you knew she was only outside gardening innocently before you barged in. “I didn’t know you had it in you.” you commented, watching her expression fall from light and content to narrowed and suspicious. She brushed past you, dusting off her hands and boots on the porch.

“Came all this way to nag me about Westview?” Her accent is what caught you first. Traces of her Sokovian origin slipping through, just like at the home of the hex. Then you realized your comment was misinterpreted, you didn’t mean it in any ill way at all.

“No,” You walked forward to look up at her, right before the steps of the porch. “I didn’t know you could make such a battered house into a home.” She paused like a deer in headlights, almost shifting herself to become the prey. But it didn’t last long.

“I don’t have a home.” Wanda opened the door to the cabin, not bothering to hold it open for her unwelcome guest. You followed her inside anyway, keeping your eyes up and posture tall. The fire was fully stoked, the raging warm flames dancing inside a brick encasing, offering a soft glow to the entire open floor plan. A living room, littered with blankets. A kitchen, victim to Wanda’s next idea for a recipe. Just like your apartment before you were forced to sell it. A temporary home, just like this cabin apparently.

You watched as she removed her boots, the habit undying as she hated tracking mud inside. Almost on instinct, you did the same; it didn’t go unnoticed by her. “I don’t know, seems like you’ve made quite the hideout here.” You remarked, slowly strolling inside as Wanda flitted about. She was cleaning, which made you raise a brow. While she stacked strewn blankets and placed dirty dishes into the sink, you peered at the dining table littered with something of interest. A few sheets of paper, frozen in time like Wanda was studying them moments ago, yet you weren’t close enough to make out what they said. Just as you were about to read them over, she was sweeping them up into a neat pile. 

“It’s not a hideout if people know where it is.” Wanda stated unamused, placing the pile on a high shelf. “Should I be expecting more company? Or just the one soldier.” 

Finally, she stopped her running around, standing a few feet away with crossed arms. You knew what she was referring to—an entire team of agents at the ready to take her down, just like with Westview. But that wasn’t the case this time. You were on your own. “There’s no cavalry, it’s just me.” Wanda relaxed slightly. Her shoulders dropping from her ears, her eyelids lifting from their narrowed state.

“What are you here for?” She wasn’t asking like it was question demanding to be answered, but rather a curious inclination on why you were at her front door. Like maybe, she wasn’t actually frustrated by your appearance. You sighed, leaning against the back of the dining chair beside you. There was no point hiding the mission plan from the person who could read your mind if she so pleased.

“S.W.O.R.D.. They want to make sure you’re safe. Try to convince you to come home.” You explained, omitting any further details. The last thing you wanted was to make it all seem so simple, but that was easier than admitting the complicated truth. 

As it turns out, Wanda was already one step ahead. “No, what are you here for.” Now it wasn’t a question, it was a statement. You were here, instead of a team of overly-qualified agents and a cohort of stern government officials. You, her ex-girlfriend, were standing in the presence of the Scarlett Witch who seemed to scare off everyone else. And she knew exactly why.

You broke eye contact, eyes wandering as you walked over to the cozy fireplace in hopes it could whisper a way out of the conversation. Her gaze was still on you though, following you like a security camera, or maybe even something warmer—like a concerned friend? No, like an enhanced individual who trusted no one. She didn’t trust you, not this easily, and neither did you. That’s what you had to tell yourself to get through this.

You weren’t really sure how to answer her question. Why did you agree to come here? Was it too soon to mention the broken remnants of the relationship between you both? “I wanted to make sure you’re safe.” You treaded lightly, giving her some version of the truth. After Westview, harsh words always seemed to follow Wanda’s name—or the one she had earned: the Scarlet Witch. It was hard to trust the people that used those words like they were an insult; sometimes, it made you doubt that they weren’t pursuing their research on the witch, somehow pestering Wanda regardless of her hidden state. But no, the truth was she remained untouched since you last saw her beside the crumbling vortex’s walls. Maybe you were just terrified of seeing her locked up again.

“Do I look in need of saving?” Her quick remark almost tampered with the slow rhythm you’d set for yourself. Your mind was running over her calculated moves, each breath she’d take and how she’d take it. Because you knew she was capable of so much; both destruction and love. But sometimes those were no different from each other.

Her green eyes that flickered deep hues when reflecting the fire’s embers. Her lips parted ever so slightly, ready to make yet another defensive reply. Yet her quiet, still body, waiting for you to make a move first. That was all it took; seeing her as she was, not as she was described. Wanda tilted her head, eyes boring into yours as she waited for a reply. Little did she know, she wasn’t going to get the one she desired most.

“Look,” You continued to break the slow back and forth pattern, jumping into the thought that berated you most. “I don’t know what S.H.I.E.L.D. or S.W.O.R.D. is planning, but clearly they’re not a fan of you having a little holiday out here.” Wanda’s eyes returned to their narrow state, your words clearly causing some sort of offense.

“Holiday? You think this is all by choice?” She spat. “They drove me out like I was a monster, I had no choice but to run.” Wanda stepped closer to you, arms remaining crossed like a second line of defense. “Is that why you’re here? To tell me it’s all my fault?” 

“No!” You blurted, immediately stepping back to shake your head and think. You had to stay levelheaded, yet it was so hard around Wanda. Everything inside of you was begging to tell the full truth, to use this opportunity in the way you needed to desperately.

“I know this whole ‘I hope your safe thing’ is bullshit. You watched me walk away from Westview. So I’ll ask again, what are you doing here?” That’s when you realized, she already knew the truth—she just wanted to hear you say it first. Wanda and her mind games, like a never-ending trap you’d always fall into. And unfortunately, she knew you’d fall into it time and time again. A part of you didn’t blame her for keeping it all locked behind a wall; there was a reason for her to not trust a single soul, regardless of their past.

You took a deep breath, letting your gaze slowly rise until it was locked with Wanda’s. “I’m here because I still love you.” It didn’t feel as relieving as you’d hoped. Words that echoed in the silence created by Wanda, her expression relaxing slightly. But you had no clue if she still felt the same.

Her arms uncrossed. She took one single step closer to you. Her voice lowered, like someone was listening in to her every word. “We all know what happens to the things I love.” The two of you were frozen in place, your heart beating rapidly. She was protecting you, but you didn’t see it that way. Wanda was punishing herself over something out of her control.

After a moment, she took a deep breath, eyes finally breaking contact as she turned on her feet. The distance between you both resumed as she moved to the kitchen like nothing happened. “You should get going, it gets dark here early.” The last five minutes were becoming a distant memory, and Wanda showed no interest in giving you even one more look. You got your answer, and you were far from satisfied. But that was the thing about love and Wanda; in the face of adversity, Wanda would do anything to protect those she loved most—even if it meant destroying the path that kept her loved ones close.

You nodded once, swallowing the tears that tried to pry their way out. Your guard was already knocked down, but the strong front you put up wouldn’t dare break after everything. Wanda nearly revealed that she loved you too—but that came with consequences. Maybe, the most important thing was for Wanda to know that she was still loved. That after the hex, after her numerous episodes of destruction, someone in the world would always be waiting for her with open arms.

You were happy to be that person.

[silhouetteonpaper]

Thanksgiving

Summary: It was your first Thanksgiving with Natasha. Actually, it was your first Thanksgiving ever. And to make matters worse, you were meeting her parents for the first time. Would this be the best or the worst first Thanksgiving ever? Natasha Romanoff x Reader (Alexei, Melina, and Yelena appearances) WC: 3,019 Warnings/Themes: Fluff, slight angst, mentions of kidnapping and experimenting, drinking alcohol A/N: Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you enjoy this special fic <3

Thanksgiving was right around the corner, or at least thats what Natasha was saying. She was eager to see her family after so long, and share a classic American meal on the lovely holiday. You hadn’t met any of her family, but you’d heard so much about them. Melina, her headstrong mother, Alexei, her stubborn Father, and Yelena, her hilarious sister. The way she talked about them always reflected a little piece of Natasha herself, you were almost shocked to hear they weren’t her biological family.

But that didn’t matter, not to her. They were the only family she knew, and she was looking forward to celebrating yet another holiday season with them. And this time, with you. You wished you had any sort of family; a mother who could've taught you how to sort your laundry, or even an uncle who could tell jokes that would’ve made you laugh. But you knew of none, especially after the tragedy that occurred when you were small.

Entire buildings blown up, your childhood apartment shattered into a million pieces you never realized wouldn’t be reconstructed. Sly faces swooping in to your rescue, their evil plans hidden from an unsuspecting toddler. Their intentions didn’t matter, as there was no one to protect you anymore. Your parents likely passed in the bombing, but all the details were so hazy. Sometimes you wondered if it was all fabricated after spending years in captivity. Maybe you needed a reason to think your parents didn’t give you up, that they didn’t do it by choice.

“Have you ever celebrated Thanksgiving?” Natasha asked from the next room over. Right, thanksgiving was tomorrow. You weren’t back in the destroyed building, or being taken to the next facility for experimentation. You were safe with Natasha.

You hadn’t celebrated Thanksgiving before, and the idea sounded a little too perfect to you. Sitting with those you loved most to relay all that you’re thankful for? That was the kind of stuff you could only dream of. In a perfect life, you’d actually have more to be thankful for. “No.” You responded from your spot on the couch. Natasha had described the food, from homemade stuffing to a perfectly cooked turkey. It sounded delicious, but that wasn’t what you were worried about.

Her family was daunting. Not because they were bad people, but because they were nice. What if they thought you were a bad influence? What if they disagreed with Natasha’s choice to be in a relationship with such a broken soul? You’d only been with her for a year, leaving you to constantly question the foundation of your relationship often.

The Avengers had saved you from the facility after hearing word of all the children captive. But you weren’t a child when they found you, more a brainwashed adult stuck in the system due to being raised there. Advanced in not only combat, but also the interworking of the large corporation, the entire team decided to take you in as their own. Your knowledge of the company helped them take it down once and for all, a huge feat that would prevent more children from being taken from their families.

You were scared at first, in the large compound with all these superheroes. They had so much experience doing good, and you could barely remember the last time you held the door for someone. It took a lot of time to deprogram your mind, all the years of negatives pounded into you like they were the truth. Being told you were worthless, only a weapon to be used on the facility’s whim. That you weren’t allowed to feel, because that would be weak.

Throughout the entire process, Natasha was the one who stayed by your side. She had expressed a time when she went through something similar, which was partially why she felt inclined to help you so much. But after you two got to know each other as people and not as weapons of mass destruction, you saw just how much you had in common. It was only a few months later you two were official, and the entire team was in support of it.

Your progress was coming along nicely, and there was even the chance to join a few missions. Being a superhero was like a dream come true; you were given a second chance after all that happened, your life was truly beginning. But as cities across the world became safer and safer, the Avengers were called upon less and less. The team decided there wasn’t a huge need for a structured, ready-to-pounce battalion. You could all go your separate ways if you so pleased. Natasha felt ready to leave the compound, and you agreed that would be best. The idea of living alone with her was desirable, and after you became comfortable with the life you were living it was finally time to make that change.

But you hadn’t realized just how different a normal life would be. The apartment Natasha purchased was perfect. Two bedrooms—one converted into an office for all of the leftover Avengers gear—the perfect place for you both to start a life. That didn’t just mean living alongside Natasha, it meant picking out couches and bed frames and even kitchen towels. You were starting to question if it was truly the dream life, sitting in front of a computer all day and adding things to your cart.

The online shopping was the easiest bit; being so close to Natasha was the hardest. You couldn’t hide in your own room anymore, not like at the compound. You couldn’t go sit on the roof and watch the stars when you felt the need to run away, because Natasha would easily be able to find you. She had picked up on those certain habits at the compound eventually, but that didn’t mean you weren’t allowed to have the space. In the small apartment, it grew harder to take that distance for yourself when you needed it most.

Natasha was extremely understanding, though, and was more than willing to go out for the evening so you could have some alone time. Eventually, you both got into a rhythm that allowed for the perfect amount of time together and apart.

You quickly learned about holidays, and what ones Natasha celebrated. Easter wasn’t really her thing, but you all were invited to Tony’s easter party where he set up an egg hunt for everyone—including his daughter. Fourth of July was fun; Natasha took you to a park where you sat and watched the fireworks late at night. And now, you were hearing just how great thanksgiving would be.

“You’re nervous, aren’t you.” Natasha walked out into the kitchen, her soft voice bringing you back to the present. It was so easy to get caught up in the past, but she was always there to ground you.

“What gave it away?” You smiled, standing to meet her in the kitchen. She was prepping a raspberry chocolate cake, apparently one she makes every year. You hugged her from behind, wrapping your arms around her waist as she began to stir a few ingredients together. She lightly pressed kiss to your forehead.

“I promise, they will love you. If they don’t want you to move in with them by the end of the night, I’ll be surprised.” Natasha laughed, your worried expression falling. They were kind people, they’ll be understanding of who you are. After all, their own daughter did go through something similar. For now, you just needed to try and relax before the big introduction tomorrow. And luckily, helping Natasha bake would surely make your anxieties lessen.

—————

The car rolled along the rough road, bumping over each rock and dip as Natasha drove further into the secluded neighborhood. Only a few houses were dotted around, leaving the area quiet and peaceful as you watched from the passenger-side window. Maybe you were exuding nervous energy, because Nat’s hand quickly rested on your leg as she slowed in front of the charming house.

“Remember, you are perfect. You don’t need to act a certain way to please them, they’ll love you for you.” She spoke while putting the car in park. You nodded, eyeing the home before you. It wasn’t anything large, but it had an inviting feeling. The paneled exterior was accented with deep woods, and of course lots of plants. You were almost jealous you didn’t live in a house like this.

Natasha grabbed the cake from the backseat as you slowly shut the passenger door. In your reluctant state, you let her lead to the front door of the house. Before she could even knock, the door swung open.

“Natasha!” Melina—you assumed—jumped out onto the front porch with open arms. She wasted no time admiring the cake, asking Nat a million questions before the redhead could even say hello herself.

“And who is this?” Alexei, a gruff man with a large smile asked with his eyes pointed toward you. Swallowing thickly, you introduced yourself and held out a hand to shake. He didn’t accept it, and rather pulled you into the tightest hug you’d ever felt. “So good to have you here. Natasha has told us all about you.” All about you? Did they all know about your troubled past?

There was no time to dwell on the details as Melina practically shoved you inside. “Let me take your jacket, here,” Her hands made quick work of pulling off your coat, nearly distracting you from the blonde bounding down the stairs.

“Sestra!” She exclaimed, her accent making you smile as it matched Melina’s and Alexei’s. Yelena, Natasha’s sister you’d heard so much about. After she hugged her sibling, her eyes turned to you. “I see why Natasha took such a liking to you.”

“Hey!” Nat interjected, hitting Yelena playfully. The two tussled, leaving you to take in the interior of the cozy house. There was a fireplace lit in the living room, worn couches telling stories of the many people who relaxed on their woven threads. A wooden dining table, etched with fork and knife marks from all the times someone slammed their fists down in anger. And the kitchen, where Melina was displaying the chocolate cake on a stand amidst the field of other Thanksgiving dishes.

“Can I get you anything to drink? Here, let me get you a glass. You must be starving—“ You didn’t have any time to answer, as Melina was already pouring you a glass of wine.

“Thanks.” You breathed as she handed it to you.

“Don’t suffocate her.” Natasha smiled, wrapping an arm around you as she watched her mom smother. Although overwhelming, something about it made you smile too.

“Yeah, Natasha already does that enough.” Yelena chimed in, earning yet another punch to the arm from her sister. The playful banter between family members was something you could definitely get used to. Watching as Natasha quipped back and forth with Yelena made you wish you had a sibling of your own, but you knew Nat was more than willing to share.

Melina was flitting about the kitchen, tending to various different dishes before she even realized you were all still standing. You didn’t mind though, as Alexei was already regaling everyone on his last adventure out West. “Oh, everyone, please sit!” She gestured to the set table, complete with flowers freshly picked from the garden.

Natasha sat beside you on one side of the table, Alexei taking the head, and Yelena sitting opposite you. The blonde wasted no time pouring herself a glass of clear liquid. Vodka; although the label was in Russian, it was easy to tell what mysterious liquid sat in side. She downed the glass in seconds, making your eyes widen. Speaking of Russian, you noticed just how much of the house was filled with culture from the other side of the ocean. Books reading in different languages, foods you had yet to try being prepared on the counter, and Natasha’s stories of her home country she used to tell you in passing. The pieces of all these people’s pasts were collected, built into a new form all within the walls of the house.

You wished your apartment was the same; shelves full of tales from your country of origin, recipes passed down from generations you could cook as you pleased—but unfortunately, you had no idea where you came from. “Dinner is served!” Melina called out, lifting a large turkey onto the table.

Everyone dug in as Melina brought more and more food to the table. Eventually, she sat down and joined in the fun, everyone reaching to grab spoonfuls of mouth-watering dishes for their plates. You quickly followed, taking anything that looked enticing… which was pretty much everything.

“So, tell us about yourself. You like to Avenge, eh?” Alexei questioned while bitting into a forkful of food. You chuckled, nodding.

“I do, but the team's on a hiatus for now. Seems the world isn’t in much need of saving these days.” You glanced at Natasha, who smiled. Knowing the world was safe without the Avengers was relieving for the both of you.

Alexei, on the other hand, slapped his fist on the table. “There is always work to be done, ah! No aliens invading town these days?” You weren’t sure if he was asking or just talking to himself, so you shrugged.

“Luckily it’s been pretty calm. We’re always on call if anything happens, though.” You respond. 

Melina was beaming, her eyes glued to you as she took a sip of her wine. “And how did you join the team? Any superpowers we should know about before you blast a hole into these walls?” She laughs. You don’t match her joking tone, instead looking at Natasha once more. She hadn’t told them how you came to be an Avenger. Was that a conversation you should be starting so soon?

You knew this family had been through hell and back, so maybe it wasn’t the worst idea to tell them. Still, you treaded lightly. “Well, the Avengers rescued me from a facility a little while back.” You cleared your throat awkwardly. “I was trained in combat there, so they thought I could be an asset to the team.”

Yelena nearly interrupted, her voice flowing with curiosity. “Was it like the Red Room? Wait, Nat, you didn’t tell me she was rescued from a place like the Red Room!” Natasha shot her a glare, leaving Yelena to hold up her hands and hide back behind her meal. You swallowed, taking another breath. A part of you was entertained by Yelena’s curiosity; no one cared that you were a different person before the Avengers, it just seemed they were glad you were here now.

“Uh, kinda of,” You tilted your head. “A similar organization, I guess. Anyways, Natasha helped me get back on my feet, and the rest is history.” You turned to smile at Nat, who of course was already smiling at you.

The rest of the evening went surprisingly well. No one pressed about your past any further, they were mostly interested in your present. Things you liked to do, dates Natasha had taken you on, and any empty space was filled with another one of Alexei’s stories. You learned a lot about Nat and her family, too. How Yelena had a dog back at home, and how Melina had pet pigs. It was an eclectic group of people you were grateful to be beside.

Grateful. Maybe you did have a lot to be grateful for after all. Natasha, her welcoming family, a wonderful life with people you loved. Just over a year ago that all seemed like an unobtainable dream, but today you were living it.

As Melina prepared take-home plates for you and Natasha, you both started to say your goodbyes. “Come by anytime, with or without Natasha.” Alexei hugged you again, nearly squeezing out all the food you just ate.

“You have to come back for Christmas!” Yelena exclaimed, giving you a side-hug. You nodded, looking forward to yet another holiday with the bunch.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay the night? It’s so dark out.” Melina asked for the fifth time as she handed her daughter the plate of leftovers.

Natasha chuckled, hugging her mother. “We’re sure. I’ll see you soon.” And just like that, you two were leaving with plates stacked full of food and hearts full of love. But there was something beneath all the warmth that enveloped you, something tugging at you that was impossible to ignore.

As Nat pulled the car out of the driveway, you couldn’t help but burst into tears. She was taken by surprise, but immediately pulled over onto the dirt. The unknown emotion was bubbling out of you, each sob releasing something you didn’t realize you were holding. Natasha didn’t rush you, she didn’t question it. She just placed her hand on your thigh, moving it up and down until you were ready to talk.

“I want to have a home like that.” You suddenly spoke, damp eyes looking straight into Natasha’s with desire. Not necessarily a desire for her, but for the life you could have with her.

“What, loud and cluttered? Sure, if that’s what you want.” She joked, well aware her parent's house was filled to the brim with random collections and strewn relics.

“No,” You interjected, serious tone unwavering. “I want to fill our home with our lives. Books that explain our past, belongings passed down from family and friends, furniture collected from our travels. Proof that people with a story to tell live within its walls.” Your words leave Natasha speechless, the hand on your thigh suddenly stopping its movement. She never considered that you two didn’t have many belongings to begin with. She never realized that many homes had a meaning behind each decoration, each embellishment. And in that moment, she completely understood your desire.

“Then let’s create that story together.” Natasha’s lips found yours, and suddenly, you weren’t worried anymore.

[silhouetteonpaper]

https://www.tumblr.com/holy-minseok/732938324399063040/we-need-meanreader-angryreader

see i've tried to write mean!reader but it always ends up being more self conscious!reader 😭 i can do it i’ll keep practicing, stay tuned

[silhouetteonpaper]

THIS SERIES IS SO AMAZING

DEVIOUS LIES — MASTERLIST (27.842 words)

| Summary (anon request) — When your friend asked you out for a drink, you didn't think much about it. Yet, maybe you should've, because that night ruined your life. It may have been two years since the events, but you still can't stop think about what you've lost. Your job, your friends, your lover, and even your mind was left in that motel room. Tags — Natasha Romanoff x Avenger!R, Wanda Maximoff x Avenger!R, Avengers x Avenger!Reader, Angst Without Comfort, Bittersweet.

| Part one. — 3.842 words. Warnings - Cheating, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Ideations, Self-depreciation.

It is the last time you’ve seen her, and as pitiful as it is, you have long cherished this last contact with the redhead. No matter how violent and hateful it has been, it was still the last time you’ve touched the love of your life, and you missed it the moment she let go of your arm. Her, and her touch. Despite everything, despite the years, you still needed her presence by your side, and it doesn’t matter if your relationship has to be brutal, you are ready to accept anything if it means being close to her for a few more days.

| Part two. — 8.792 words. Warnings - Mentions of Cheating, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Ideations, Self-depreciation, Mentions of SA&SH, Manipulation, Toxic Relationship&Friendship, Revenge Porn, NC Use of Drugs.

The pictures, the clothes, the gifts, even your favorite cutlery has been burned a few days after you left them. It is almost as if you’ve never stepped a foot into the building, as if you’ve never existed. The woman was fine with the idea of pretending that nothing happened — She was fine with the idea of erasing every remaining part of your relationship.

| Part three. — 8.929 words. Warnings - Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Ideations, Self-deprecation, Depression, Manipulation, Toxic Friendship, Severe Injuries (R), Mentions of Death, No Happy Ending.

“I am a hero,” you whispered in your breath, “and that’s what heroes do,” you added, repeating the sentence once more. You were trying to find a little bravery in this mantra, the one you needed to push your limits a little further.  Yet, all you find in these words is deep despair, because a part of you knows that they are not true — and you are not a hero. Not anymore. You tried to believe Fury’s lies. You wanted to believe them, and deceive yourself because it gave you a bit of hope, a reason to carry on, but the illusion couldn’t last for eternity. What’s a hero when they are hated by the whole world? A villain.

| The scars in our hearts. - 6.279 words. Warnings - Self-doubt, Self-depreciation, Mental Health Issues, Mention of Bad&Unhealthy Copism Mechanisms, Toxic Relationships&Friendships.

It has been almost three years since you came back, and it still wasn’t enough. Sometimes, you think about letting go of that dream of yours, the one that makes you believe that things could still get back to normal, even when nothing was —; but how could you do something like that? How could you possibly think about abandoning them again when they’ve been willing to give you a second chance? You weren’t ready yet to accept that the home you’ve been longing to return didn’t feel like it anymore, at least not without first trying your hardest to make things right. Thus you kept pushing yourself a bit more everyday, at the cost of your health — which seemed a very small price to pay in exchange for the feeling of being at home again.

[silhouetteonpaper]

My bad 🤭

How are you !?

i will forgive it 😌 i’m okay, very excited for the weekend! how are you?

[silhouetteonpaper]

Boo

what is a ghost doing in my dms i thought halloween was over 😔

[silhouetteonpaper]

I LOVE YOU SM 😭 thank you to the moon and back you are amazing

Benched

Summary: You’re cut from participating in missons for the foreseeable future; the news was delivered by none other than your girlfriend, Natasha. The torturous break from Avenging seems to be unfair... until you hear the other perspective. Natasha Romanoff x Reader WC: 2,393 Warnings/Themes: Angst, fluff, gun use, killing, repressing memories

“I’m sorry?” You weren’t sure if you had heard Natasha’s words correctly; her serious tone didn’t match the saddened look on her face. She was standing across from you as you sat at the empty conference table, summoned only moments ago by the Widow herself.

“We’re benching you from missions until we feel you’re ready.” They didn’t sound any more real this time, either. Natasha, your mentor and girlfriend was telling you to sit the next few missions out. Actually, she was forcing you to sit every mission out for the foreseeable future. You were furious, but tried to keep composed as to not dig a deeper grave.

“Until you feel I’m ready? That’s subjective, how long will it take?” You questioned with crossed arms, your shoulders stuck by your ears out of defense. You’d never been like this around Nat; closed off, defensive, angry. She’d never needed to bar you from missions like this, so it was a first for the both of you.

“We feel your actions on the last mission require some time off.” She explained, noticing the unrelenting confused yet frustrated expression on your face. Natasha felt bad, she was only following the orders of her superiors. They believed that making her relay this information would soften the blow, but as your girlfriend it didn’t make it any easier.  “Look,” She walked around the table, sitting beside you. Her hand found your knee, a soft touch forcing you to unfurl your brows slightly. “This isn’t a punishment. We just want to make sure you’re okay mentally after what happened.”

She was referring to the events of yesterday's mission, something you had hoped would just get buried under the rug. It was supposed to be a simple interrogation; the team would press the target to find some confidential information. The only issue was that the target had a liking for pushing people’s buttons. His jabs were relentless, spitting insults about the people he’d killed like they were nothing.

You were only supposed to hold the gun to his head in a daunting, coercive way. So you did, for a while anyways—until he stated something you didn’t believe was humanly true.

“I don’t regret killing them.” His words had turned your blood to ice, the pointer finger stationed over the trigger shaking out of anger. He was talking about the people he killed to get close to the Avengers. Some of them being your family, the people you loved most. His greedy play was wiping pawns off the table, when in reality they were more than just objects. Natasha was originally reluctant to include you on this mission, due to your emotional connection. But this man had targeted many of the Avenger’s closest relatives, so if she benched you she’d have to bench everyone else.

It turned out she’d have to bench you anyways, as you broke protocol within seconds of his nasty comment. The gun echoed through the cellar you were all stationed in, the man suddenly going quiet as his head lolled to the side. The main source of intel for one of the biggest missions was dead. Everyone’s heads turned toward the responsible weapon; there you were, eyes wide with a smoking gun still held to his head.

After being escorted back to the compound between silent teammates, you locked yourself in your room for the night. Natasha tried to come in, knocking on your bedroom door every so often with tempting offers of cookies or movie nights, but you wouldn’t budge. The next morning, hushed whispers greeted you the second you entered the kitchen. It was obvious they were talking about you, but you couldn’t have cared less. You knew what you did was wrong, and were ready to move on. So, you acted like it didn’t happen.

Maybe that worried the team even more, especially Natasha. You weren’t one to move on from things so quick, especially considering the grudge you held for the man responsible for all that death. Breaking protocol like that and shooting an important hostage was even more out of character, you knew the importance of his intel. Running on impulse, especially in regard to your emotions was unusual, it would be for any trained agent.

But it all caught up with you, and clearly the team discussed a plan of action behind your back. They believed your slip up was more than just a mistake—that there was something deeper behind it. It was slightly offensive, seeing them assume you were emotionally inept that they didn’t even include you in the conversation. You didn’t even think hard enough on what happened to realize maybe they were right; instead you shoved it deep down inside. Now, the truth was facing you head-on, and there was no escaping it.

This isn’t a punishment? You repeated Natasha’s words in your head. It sure felt like one, your favorite thing in life being withheld like a kid getting their iPad taken away. Everyone knew how much your work meant to you, so why would they take away the one thing you loved doing? Besides, you felt fine mentally. The past was in the past, and you were ready to move forward.

“I’m fine, I swear. Please, Nat—don’t take me out of the running just because I made a mistake.” You pleaded, looking to her with a softened expression. The two of you were close, having been in an official relationship for months now. But this was uncharted territory, and the thread connecting you both was slipping as this new side of you was showing. It was her turn to become defensive as she withdrew her hand.

“A mistake? You killed our most important hostage! If you weren’t one of our top agents, Fury would’ve had you fired!” She was right, but you weren’t going to admit that. Instead you huffed, leaning back in your chair as your gaze found anywhere to look but at Natasha.

“I couldn’t let him get away with what he did.” You muttered, shaking your head. Natasha took a deep breath, concern slowly rising across her face. It was easy to see the hurt on your face, even without directly mentioning your family. They were your everything, and he killed them like they were nothing. But two wrongs don’t make a right, every agent knew that. You should’ve known that. And she didn’t want you to jeopardize your job—your passion, over your stubbornness. She leaned toward you slowly, her eyebrows lowering.

“See, this is what scares me. You knew we’d find justice eventually, but you could’t wait and it blew the entire mission.” Natasha spoke carefully, her words making your stomach churn. Scared?Blew the entire mission? Even for her, these were hasty conclusions to draw.

You crossed your arms again. “What are you insinuating?” To say you blew the entire mission was harsh, even if it was true. An agent would never blame another, not directly like this; especially when that agent was your girlfriend. You knew there was more to it, the ice hidden underneath her tone queued you in.

“That now your family will never get the justice they deserve.” Her words are like knives, stabbing straight into your heart. You weren’t sure if she was trying to break you, or if she truly felt this way. That your mistake cost the entire mission, one that was supposed to avenge your dead relatives. Your eyes went wide with shock, expression frozen as you processed the very words that left her lips. They weren’t coming from your girlfriend; the girl you loved would never say such a thing.

Natasha doesn’t flinch, yet unbeknownst to you she was heartbroken on the inside. You both felt like a stranger was standing opposite, your actions and her words causing a rift between the connection that was strong mere days ago. You were impatient, emotional, and couldn’t follow the stupid protocol, and now it may have cost your job and maybe even your girlfriend.

Your eyes narrowed, oozing with betrayal. “You don’t mean that.” Words softer than the hardened expression painting your face, you were almost speechless. Once again, Natasha left you questioning if what she said was actually true, or just a figment of your imagination.

She nodded once, slowly, like a predator bowing its head to prey. You were officially benched, and there was no arguing your way out of it.

—————-

2 weeks, 4 days, 1 hour, and 37 minutes had passed since you were forced to stay within the many walls of the compound. Not like anyone was counting, though. Although spacious and full of various forms of entertainment, the large facility made you feel restless after the first day. You grew bored, itching to get your hands on new cases or even old mission reports.

The quinjet was taunting you. Standing outside the large glass window, calling your name as you sat inside waiting for the go-ahead. But as the hours, days, and weeks passed, it never came. You hadn’t spoken to Natasha since the fight—only exchanging quick glances through narrowed eyes or inconspicuous expressions in passing. Instead, you bothered everyone else about it.

“No, you’re still on temp-leave,” someone would say. “Take some time to relax, focus on yourself.” More voices would eventually join in. It was unrelenting; the only ‘self-care’ you cared about was the one thing that genuinely made you happy: Avenging. But everyone was stuck following orders, keeping you locked inside the compound with your own self to blame.

When everyone left you alone at the compound to go on missions, It gave you time to reflect. You paced the halls replaying the mission over and over, eventually shaking your head as the memory morphed into the shape of your family. You didn’t want to think about them, so you simply filled your time with busywork in order to keep the hurt at bay.

After picking up a few new hobbies, discovering some newfound talents, and recovering old favorite pastimes, you still felt a hole where Avenging used to be. You missed it, and this time off was making you feel worse, if anything. On the 20th day, you built up the courage to talk with Natasha. She was tame the past few days, finally offering you the occasional smile when you made the team dinner, or handing you baked goods when she went on her usual coffee run.

Natasha was sitting in the empty living room, typing on her laptop as she glanced between the screen and some mission reports. “Hey,” you spoke softly, sitting down on the couch opposite of her. Her green eyes popped up, eyebrows lifting ever-so-slightly. You had her attention. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have belittled my actions that hurt other people, it was truly more than just a mistake and I feel terrible about it.” You were speaking truthfully, and Nat could tell; but she wasn’t satisfied.

Shutting her laptop, she stacked her work off to the side with full intrigue. “Tell me, have you thought about your parents during this time off?” She questioned. You swallowed thickly, immediately regretting your half-assed apology when there was more to it than just feeling bad about your actions. You hadn’t thought about your parents, mostly on purpose; and Natasha was hoping to get after exactly that.

“Look, love,” Her tone softened slightly, and the use of the nickname made you feel even the smallest bit more comfortable. She was still yours, and you were still hers, it was all just on hiatus for the moment—like your job. “This break wasn’t supposed to be time for you to feel bad about what you did. It was time for you to process what happened.” Natasha stood, moving to sit next to you as her words made the air catch in your lungs.

“You can’t change the fact your family has passed, and I need you to have a chance to grieve before we send you back onto the field.” To an average person, everything she was saying made sense. But the issue was, you didn’t want to pause and take the time to process what happened. You wanted to swallow it all and move on to whatever job would come next. But Natasha knew the dangers of that.

You took a deep breath, your gaze finding the floor. “I told you, Nat. I’m fine to go out onto the field. I’ve thought over everything and I feel ready.” You countered, eyes meeting hers as you really tried to convince her. She found your hand, gripping it tightly with both of hers.

“Then tell me exactly what he did to your parents.” Her words hit your chest like a boulder, all of the air you once had no longer existing as your breathing stopped. It was a test, and she knew you wouldn’t be able to answer without breaking down. And fortunately for her, it worked. Tears welled in your eyes, the flood of emotion hitting the wall you built in an attempt to avoid it. But it wasn’t strong enough this time, Natasha knew all the right buttons to push. You gave in, allowing each tear, each sob, to have a chance to see the light as you leaned into Natasha.

“That’s it.” She cooed, pulling you close into her shoulder. Her hands ran through your hair, offering a comforting touch you desperately missed. The person she loved dearly was slowly coming back, the agent who wasn’t just a stone-cold face ready to suppress all emotion in the name of work. Being an Avenger wasn’t just about being brave for others, it was about being your best self so you were capable of offering that support on the field. The entire time, you missed the true meaning of the hiatus.

But now, you were back on track. Natasha was glad to see you finally start the long road to processing your grief, and she’d be there the entire journey. You were grateful to have her, and suddenly even more grateful she gave you the time off in the first place. If you weren’t so naive and stubborn, maybe it would have been easier for you in the long run. But that didn’t matter, because with Natasha, time felt like it didn’t exist.

[silhouetteonpaper]

Benched

Summary: You’re cut from participating in missons for the foreseeable future; the news was delivered by none other than your girlfriend, Natasha. The torturous break from Avenging seems to be unfair... until you hear the other perspective. Natasha Romanoff x Reader WC: 2,393 Warnings/Themes: Angst, fluff, gun use, killing, repressing memories

“I’m sorry?” You weren’t sure if you had heard Natasha’s words correctly; her serious tone didn’t match the saddened look on her face. She was standing across from you as you sat at the empty conference table, summoned only moments ago by the Widow herself.

“We’re benching you from missions until we feel you’re ready.” They didn’t sound any more real this time, either. Natasha, your mentor and girlfriend was telling you to sit the next few missions out. Actually, she was forcing you to sit every mission out for the foreseeable future. You were furious, but tried to keep composed as to not dig a deeper grave.

“Until you feel I’m ready? That’s subjective, how long will it take?” You questioned with crossed arms, your shoulders stuck by your ears out of defense. You’d never been like this around Nat; closed off, defensive, angry. She’d never needed to bar you from missions like this, so it was a first for the both of you.

“We feel your actions on the last mission require some time off.” She explained, noticing the unrelenting confused yet frustrated expression on your face. Natasha felt bad, she was only following the orders of her superiors. They believed that making her relay this information would soften the blow, but as your girlfriend it didn’t make it any easier.  “Look,” She walked around the table, sitting beside you. Her hand found your knee, a soft touch forcing you to unfurl your brows slightly. “This isn’t a punishment. We just want to make sure you’re okay mentally after what happened.”

She was referring to the events of yesterday's mission, something you had hoped would just get buried under the rug. It was supposed to be a simple interrogation; the team would press the target to find some confidential information. The only issue was that the target had a liking for pushing people’s buttons. His jabs were relentless, spitting insults about the people he’d killed like they were nothing.

You were only supposed to hold the gun to his head in a daunting, coercive way. So you did, for a while anyways—until he stated something you didn’t believe was humanly true.

“I don’t regret killing them.” His words had turned your blood to ice, the pointer finger stationed over the trigger shaking out of anger. He was talking about the people he killed to get close to the Avengers. Some of them being your family, the people you loved most. His greedy play was wiping pawns off the table, when in reality they were more than just objects. Natasha was originally reluctant to include you on this mission, due to your emotional connection. But this man had targeted many of the Avenger’s closest relatives, so if she benched you she’d have to bench everyone else.

It turned out she’d have to bench you anyways, as you broke protocol within seconds of his nasty comment. The gun echoed through the cellar you were all stationed in, the man suddenly going quiet as his head lolled to the side. The main source of intel for one of the biggest missions was dead. Everyone’s heads turned toward the responsible weapon; there you were, eyes wide with a smoking gun still held to his head.

After being escorted back to the compound between silent teammates, you locked yourself in your room for the night. Natasha tried to come in, knocking on your bedroom door every so often with tempting offers of cookies or movie nights, but you wouldn’t budge. The next morning, hushed whispers greeted you the second you entered the kitchen. It was obvious they were talking about you, but you couldn’t have cared less. You knew what you did was wrong, and were ready to move on. So, you acted like it didn’t happen.

Maybe that worried the team even more, especially Natasha. You weren’t one to move on from things so quick, especially considering the grudge you held for the man responsible for all that death. Breaking protocol like that and shooting an important hostage was even more out of character, you knew the importance of his intel. Running on impulse, especially in regard to your emotions was unusual, it would be for any trained agent.

But it all caught up with you, and clearly the team discussed a plan of action behind your back. They believed your slip up was more than just a mistake—that there was something deeper behind it. It was slightly offensive, seeing them assume you were emotionally inept that they didn’t even include you in the conversation. You didn’t even think hard enough on what happened to realize maybe they were right; instead you shoved it deep down inside. Now, the truth was facing you head-on, and there was no escaping it.

This isn’t a punishment? You repeated Natasha’s words in your head. It sure felt like one, your favorite thing in life being withheld like a kid getting their iPad taken away. Everyone knew how much your work meant to you, so why would they take away the one thing you loved doing? Besides, you felt fine mentally. The past was in the past, and you were ready to move forward.

“I’m fine, I swear. Please, Nat—don’t take me out of the running just because I made a mistake.” You pleaded, looking to her with a softened expression. The two of you were close, having been in an official relationship for months now. But this was uncharted territory, and the thread connecting you both was slipping as this new side of you was showing. It was her turn to become defensive as she withdrew her hand.

“A mistake? You killed our most important hostage! If you weren’t one of our top agents, Fury would’ve had you fired!” She was right, but you weren’t going to admit that. Instead you huffed, leaning back in your chair as your gaze found anywhere to look but at Natasha.

“I couldn’t let him get away with what he did.” You muttered, shaking your head. Natasha took a deep breath, concern slowly rising across her face. It was easy to see the hurt on your face, even without directly mentioning your family. They were your everything, and he killed them like they were nothing. But two wrongs don’t make a right, every agent knew that. You should’ve known that. And she didn’t want you to jeopardize your job—your passion, over your stubbornness. She leaned toward you slowly, her eyebrows lowering.

“See, this is what scares me. You knew we’d find justice eventually, but you could’t wait and it blew the entire mission.” Natasha spoke carefully, her words making your stomach churn. Scared?Blew the entire mission? Even for her, these were hasty conclusions to draw.

You crossed your arms again. “What are you insinuating?” To say you blew the entire mission was harsh, even if it was true. An agent would never blame another, not directly like this; especially when that agent was your girlfriend. You knew there was more to it, the ice hidden underneath her tone queued you in.

“That now your family will never get the justice they deserve.” Her words are like knives, stabbing straight into your heart. You weren’t sure if she was trying to break you, or if she truly felt this way. That your mistake cost the entire mission, one that was supposed to avenge your dead relatives. Your eyes went wide with shock, expression frozen as you processed the very words that left her lips. They weren’t coming from your girlfriend; the girl you loved would never say such a thing.

Natasha doesn’t flinch, yet unbeknownst to you she was heartbroken on the inside. You both felt like a stranger was standing opposite, your actions and her words causing a rift between the connection that was strong mere days ago. You were impatient, emotional, and couldn’t follow the stupid protocol, and now it may have cost your job and maybe even your girlfriend.

Your eyes narrowed, oozing with betrayal. “You don’t mean that.” Words softer than the hardened expression painting your face, you were almost speechless. Once again, Natasha left you questioning if what she said was actually true, or just a figment of your imagination.

She nodded once, slowly, like a predator bowing its head to prey. You were officially benched, and there was no arguing your way out of it.

—————-

2 weeks, 4 days, 1 hour, and 37 minutes had passed since you were forced to stay within the many walls of the compound. Not like anyone was counting, though. Although spacious and full of various forms of entertainment, the large facility made you feel restless after the first day. You grew bored, itching to get your hands on new cases or even old mission reports.

The quinjet was taunting you. Standing outside the large glass window, calling your name as you sat inside waiting for the go-ahead. But as the hours, days, and weeks passed, it never came. You hadn’t spoken to Natasha since the fight—only exchanging quick glances through narrowed eyes or inconspicuous expressions in passing. Instead, you bothered everyone else about it.

“No, you’re still on temp-leave,” someone would say. “Take some time to relax, focus on yourself.” More voices would eventually join in. It was unrelenting; the only ‘self-care’ you cared about was the one thing that genuinely made you happy: Avenging. But everyone was stuck following orders, keeping you locked inside the compound with your own self to blame.

When everyone left you alone at the compound to go on missions, It gave you time to reflect. You paced the halls replaying the mission over and over, eventually shaking your head as the memory morphed into the shape of your family. You didn’t want to think about them, so you simply filled your time with busywork in order to keep the hurt at bay.

After picking up a few new hobbies, discovering some newfound talents, and recovering old favorite pastimes, you still felt a hole where Avenging used to be. You missed it, and this time off was making you feel worse, if anything. On the 20th day, you built up the courage to talk with Natasha. She was tame the past few days, finally offering you the occasional smile when you made the team dinner, or handing you baked goods when she went on her usual coffee run.

Natasha was sitting in the empty living room, typing on her laptop as she glanced between the screen and some mission reports. “Hey,” you spoke softly, sitting down on the couch opposite of her. Her green eyes popped up, eyebrows lifting ever-so-slightly. You had her attention. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have belittled my actions that hurt other people, it was truly more than just a mistake and I feel terrible about it.” You were speaking truthfully, and Nat could tell; but she wasn’t satisfied.

Shutting her laptop, she stacked her work off to the side with full intrigue. “Tell me, have you thought about your parents during this time off?” She questioned. You swallowed thickly, immediately regretting your half-assed apology when there was more to it than just feeling bad about your actions. You hadn’t thought about your parents, mostly on purpose; and Natasha was hoping to get after exactly that.

“Look, love,” Her tone softened slightly, and the use of the nickname made you feel even the smallest bit more comfortable. She was still yours, and you were still hers, it was all just on hiatus for the moment—like your job. “This break wasn’t supposed to be time for you to feel bad about what you did. It was time for you to process what happened.” Natasha stood, moving to sit next to you as her words made the air catch in your lungs.

“You can’t change the fact your family has passed, and I need you to have a chance to grieve before we send you back onto the field.” To an average person, everything she was saying made sense. But the issue was, you didn’t want to pause and take the time to process what happened. You wanted to swallow it all and move on to whatever job would come next. But Natasha knew the dangers of that.

You took a deep breath, your gaze finding the floor. “I told you, Nat. I’m fine to go out onto the field. I’ve thought over everything and I feel ready.” You countered, eyes meeting hers as you really tried to convince her. She found your hand, gripping it tightly with both of hers.

“Then tell me exactly what he did to your parents.” Her words hit your chest like a boulder, all of the air you once had no longer existing as your breathing stopped. It was a test, and she knew you wouldn’t be able to answer without breaking down. And fortunately for her, it worked. Tears welled in your eyes, the flood of emotion hitting the wall you built in an attempt to avoid it. But it wasn’t strong enough this time, Natasha knew all the right buttons to push. You gave in, allowing each tear, each sob, to have a chance to see the light as you leaned into Natasha.

“That’s it.” She cooed, pulling you close into her shoulder. Her hands ran through your hair, offering a comforting touch you desperately missed. The person she loved dearly was slowly coming back, the agent who wasn’t just a stone-cold face ready to suppress all emotion in the name of work. Being an Avenger wasn’t just about being brave for others, it was about being your best self so you were capable of offering that support on the field. The entire time, you missed the true meaning of the hiatus.

But now, you were back on track. Natasha was glad to see you finally start the long road to processing your grief, and she’d be there the entire journey. You were grateful to have her, and suddenly even more grateful she gave you the time off in the first place. If you weren’t so naive and stubborn, maybe it would have been easier for you in the long run. But that didn’t matter, because with Natasha, time felt like it didn’t exist.