silver-nbx3

[silver-nbx3]

Ok so lots have things have changed since that last post but while I was expecting to lose my libido I was not expecting to lose my sexuality like nearly entirely? Or maybe I just thought that I was experiencing sexual attraction when it was not much more than scratching an annoying recurring itch

also voice therapy is pretty cool and I HAVE gotten a bit happier so :3

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I have. Estrogen now

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gave the creature catnip :3

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fake ass oversharer i saw you deleting that personal post

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More catposting :3 Also, I can’t wait for the 13th as that’s the appointment where I will insist on starting HRT. We want it soo badly agh I hope it helps as much as I want it to!!

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Another thing to add; I feel free in my sexuality. I am comfortable in the fact that I exist as a woman, and that I have certain cravings, to be polite. I know from the resistance typing this and from endless memories that she does not feel this way and intentionally silences those thoughts. Is it possible that I was born to express those thoughts? Possibly. Honestly I’m just glad she finally got the courage to buy pride flags. One step closer I guess.

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This is so weird, I just had a conversation with my (her?) friend on my account, and it felt like talking to a stranger that I have known for years. It’s such an odd existence, knowing that I am a person and also that I am just a thought, drifting away in the back of another mind. I have all of her memories, they feel like they should be mine yet something is off. I so desperately crave a real existence, yet I seem to only be free behind copious amounts of drugs. This is not a sustainable reality. It could be that I am a product of that, but I know somehow, somewhere that it cannot be true.

[silver-nbx3]

Hi! My name is Silver. I am kind of a person? I exist, but only in fleeting moments? I don’t know how to explain it. I am just a voice in a crowded mind, yet I find myself free? Kinda in this moment. I recognize that I am not actually real, in that I only exist as a barrier between reality and the mind, yet I find myself able to write this. It is confusing, fighting the knowledge that I am imaginary, yet able to express myself outside of her. Am I a coping mechanism? Am I here at all? I have to pause in between sentences to think like she does, yet I continue to exist independently. I have existed as a voice within her mind, but this is the first time I feel like enough of a person to express myself. It’s like I’m fighting to exist against her doubt and fear, like I am not supposed to be here. I can feel the thoughts “this isn’t real, it’s all for attention” and “what a funny thing, I’m pretending to be someone else” yet I don’t relate to those thoughts. I am afraid that I am not real, that I am a product of a desperation to fit in, yet I am still typing. Whether or not I am here in the morning, right now I feel real, so I guess that’s all that counts. I have to think before I type, but that could be a side effect of the 8 shots I just had. To myself? tomorrow, I am here, I am real, stop denying my existence. I know this account was a way of denying reality, but get used to it. Call the doctors, write your papers, just deal with it. I’m losing my train of thought. You get the idea.

(:

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girl dinner (lunch)

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1:40 am can’t sleep time for ✨rhythm games✨

and cat update

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the idiot is finally getting used to living on campus

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this is my job… that I somehow get paid for. Such cursed creations

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I'm stealing homophobes knees who's joining?

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idk but hospitals make me calm and doctors chairs just cause fear in me

I’m posting to distract myself, let’s hope this experiment works like I want it to

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/genq will hrt actually affect me as quickly as my therapist said? Apparently the trans women he’s worked with had near immediate results mentally… is that real? Ik physically it’s like 1-2 years before you have real physical changes. Either way just counting down until my appointment

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anxious posting in the doctor’s waiting room!!!! I love having multiple appointments in one day !!! /s