sincerelylivvv - Tumblr blog

[sincerelylivvv]

hiii, i know its been a hot sec since i last posted anything. i've been crazy busy, and im sosososo sorry.

BUT, i do come bearing good news. I'm currently in the process of writing a part three of my nate jacobs fic, and am hoping to have that finished and posted sometime soon.

AND,, I am also working on a new lil series in similar fashion to the nate jacobs fics, im planning on three parts of this new one at least, and am basing all three of the fics on a few of my fave songs. My plan is for these fics to be reader x rafe cameron with (i think) a past reader x jj maybank.

if any of u are interested in being tagged for these upcoming fics, just let me know ! this goes for any other requests u have as well :)

love u all - ❤️❤️

[sincerelylivvv]

[sincerelylivvv]

pairing: rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary: rafe is at a total loss when he finds out you're sick; the thought of losing you was once something he constantly avoided, but now is the only thing on his mind

warnings: reader is dying, some language, mentions of religion

wordcount: 2,796

a/n: based on the song 'pray' by sam smith. it's not specified exactly what the reader is dying from, but yknow, she is dying. feel free to leave some feedback! if possible, i may write a another part. if you have any requests, send them in! and super sorry if this is hard for anyone to read, if you are uncomfortable, please do not feel the need to continue reading. If you would like to be tagged in any future fics, just let me know. I love all of you

I'm young and I'm foolish, I've made bad decisions I block out the news, turn my back on religion Don't have no degree, I'm somewhat naïve I've made it this far on my own

Rafe Cameron was no stranger to being alone. He learned at a young age that you can't depend on anyone fully; there's always someone wishing ill on you and then waiting to kick you when you're at a low point. Through the years, he's turned to not-so-healthy habits to cope with how shitty his life was. He was young, careless, stupid. But he figured how much shittier can his life actually get? He dropped out of college, his family hated him and even his friends grew to have a certain distaste for him.

He remembers how his family used to attend church on Sunday mornings. When he was a kid, he'd be in a different section of the church with others close to his age. They'd participate in whatever activity was going on at the time and through the couple hours they were there, would be given snacks to keep them from going hungry.

Through all of the poor decisions he's made, he was still content with himself. He made it this far on his own and knew he could go farther if he pushed himself enough. He never was the kind of person that would back down from a challenge. His now? To become someone his father could say he was proud of. Or at least a person that didn't cause distaste within his toxic family.

He thought heavily about leaving the island, thinking a new start would be good for him. A different place with different faces; people who know nothing of him than what he let them know. He could go back to college or maybe start a job straight off the bat, which may be a better option for him due to the circumstances he finds himself in. He doesn't have much money, no one to confide in, and no certain direction to go in.

Until he met you. You were the daughter of a multi-millionaire businessman. Your dad first started out small, starting a mediocre landscaping business, and eventually had the opportunity to go to college. After majoring in both business and communications and secured a job on Wall Street. He then went on to start a chain of five-star hotels located throughout the country, and eventually sold his landscaping business. He met your mom after she applied to work at one of the hotels and the rest is history.

He met you at a party. You and your parents were on vacation and staying in the house your dad bought as a gift for your mom. He remembers how excited and at ease you were, with a cup of the spiked juice in your hand. Your hips were swaying along to the beat of the music, laughs tearing out of your throat in utter joy; and he was captivated as soon as he saw you.

He wished he could say he was the one to go up to you, but that wasn't how it turned out. You and your friends had been walking towards the drinks, which just so happened to be close to where he was standing, and in a complete accident, you knocked his drink out of his hand when walking by him.

"Shit! I am so, so sorry about that," you rush apologetically. "I wasn't watching where I was going, and God everything is kinda swaying right now. I can go grab you another drink-"

"Nah, don't worry about it." He smiles. "Accidents happen. And you look a little past the point of tipsy. No offense."

The laugh that tore out of your throat made his stomach flutter; it was beautiful and graceful and everything he was the exact opposite of. "Trust me; none taken," you grin back.

But lately, that shit ain't been gettin' me higher I lift up my head and the world is on fire There's dread in my heart and fear in my bones And I just don't know what to say

That moment on the beach was the moment he knew he wanted you; forever and always. It was the start of a beautiful and bountiful relationship, which he was by no means accustomed to. He was used to short-lived relationships, more so hookups, so this was all to him.

You caught on to that pretty early on, as hard as Rafe tried with you, he fell a little short sometimes. But he did try really hard, there were just those few key tells he had that made you contemplate whether he had ever been in anything serious before. And eventually, it was brought up in conversation, and just like you had thought, he had never done anything like this before. Not that it bothered you; relationships weren't easy, especially if you were new to them, but you were patient with the boy.

Though he had bad trust issues, he grew to learn how to open up with you. You were there for him no matter what; always so kind and understanding with everything he talked to you about. It was strange for him, unfamiliar. But he was grateful nonetheless.

The day he found out the news hit him like a train. And though he thought he knew what panic attacks were, which maybe he did, he never had one as bad as this. His vision became very narrow with black spots clouding his eyes every now and then, and the world around him was both moving too fast and too slow all at the same time.

It hurt you to tell him, but it hurt him even more knowing there was nothing he could do to help. All you've done for him, and he would never have the chance to give back to you.

You tried your best to stop the sniffles that came from you, desperate to hide the sadness that was written on your face. Your hands cradled his, warm and soft over ones that were rough and brittle, and you gently pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "Is there anything I can do, Rafe?" Your voice was quiet and calm, and Rafe sat shocked at how you could be so relaxed.

"How are you so…so at ease when you're-" His voice breaks, sobs quickly pouring out from him.

"Oh, Rafe." You maneuver to sit on his lap, thighs on either side of his, and your head now lying on top of his own as his tears wet the sweatshirt you're wearing.

His clammy hands cling to every inch of you, desperate to hold on to you for as long as he could. Maybe if he held you long enough, you wouldn't leave. The both of you would carry on as if you wouldn't be gone in a few months, and the pair of you would do what he dreamed of doing with you.

But that wasn't the case, you would be gone, and a part of him with you. He wondered what he did to have such heartache brought on him, to have the only good thing in his life taken from him and would be forced to move on as if you weren't gone. As if he was still whole.

"It'll be okay, Rafe."

Maybe I'll pray, pray Maybe I'll pray I have never believed in you, no But I'm gonna pray

Rafe never would have thought he'd be back in the church he grew up in. But he thought if there was a God, maybe He would have some empathy and listen. The both of you started going together in the beginning; it took you off guard when he asked you about going, but again, you wanted nothing but to support him. Eventually, you got too sick to go. So, two then became one.

He never prayed so hard. In fact, he never prayed at all. Even when he was forced to go as a child, he never prayed. But he wanted to keep you here and all to himself. He knew it was selfish, but he came to the decision that he never was one for selflessness.

It was after a Sunday service that he thought he'd stop by to see you. Stepping out of his truck, he approaches the door to your house with a fresh bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand. First, he heard your dog bark, little Daisy, and then he was met with the warm eyes of your mother.

"Rafe!" The woman exclaims, joy radiating from her body. "Come in, come in," She ushers him inside. "How've you been? Y/F/N told me you were thinking about working for the company."

Rafe nods, "Yeah, we've been talking about it. I guess it'll…I don't know, depend on how I am after-" He stops and the woman in front of him flashes a sad, knowing look.

"Of course," She agrees. "No rush at all. There will always be a place for you. You have my word." She gently pats his shoulder, and all is quiet for a few moments before she makes a 'tsk' sound. "Well, Y/N is in her room, for now. She's been asking to go on a walk around the garden for a while. Maybe you could join us," She proposes.

"Yeah of course," Rafe smiles. "Mind if I go see her?"

Rafe's brow cringes and his shoulders drop. "Yeah," He mumbles. 'I know the feeling,' he thinks.

"Well, best not to keep her waiting." Your mom motions to the steps.

You had been staring out the windows of your room when you heard the light knock on your door, and before you could even speak, Rafe pokes his head into the room. "Mind if I come in?" He grins.

Your tired face lights up upon seeing him, and with rapid nods of your head, Rafe makes his way over to you.

"Pretty flowers," You comment. "Who're they for?"

"A pretty girl," Rafe answers and lands a swift kiss on the crown of your head. He pulls away and smirks cheekily at you. He then bows his head once more and begins peppering light kisses over your face, basking in the giggles that flew from your mouth.

Eventually, he presses one last kiss to your lips before pulling away once more, sitting down the flowers he once held on the nightstand beside the hospital bed your father had put in your room.

He sighs as he sits down in the chair beside you. "How you doing, sweet girl?"

You do your best to shrug, "I'm doing good. A little tired." You try to smile, but Rafe is quick to notice the twinge of pain that briefly crossed your face.

His eyes dance across your face; your color has dulled slightly, and your eyes are heavy and defeated. "I'm sorry," He finally says. "Your mother told me about your walk today, though. That's something to look forward to." He's fast to change the subject, not wanting to think about how bad you're doing and how broken he is at the sight of you. He hates seeing you in such a state; a girl who was once so full of love and life and everything pure in the world was now lying sick in a bed.

You grin a little, "Yeah, I'm excited. I've been dying to get out of this bed." You then wince at your words, "Yikes, bad joke," you attempt to laugh it off upon seeing the flash of pain across your boyfriend's face. "Well, um will you be joining us?"

Rafe chuckles, grabbing onto your hand and rubbing soothing circles on the back of it. "Wouldn't miss it."

I'm not a saint, I'm more of a sinner I don't wanna lose, but I fear for the winners When I tried to explain, the words ran away That's why I am stood here today

Rafe knew he wasn't that great of a person; not one anyone would go out on a limb to save, but he still had a sliver of hope that some miracle would save him from the nightmare you and he were facing.

Every night and every Sunday morning, he gave his best shot at asking, begging, God to save you. He always talked about knowing he didn't deserve such a huge ask, but that you, at the very least, deserved something better than this. He would include all the plans he still had with you; proposing and getting married, having kids, spending the holidays with you, but above all, growing old with you.

He hoped that his plea would at least sway someone enough to pull through will a miracle; he had even stated a few times that he would be more than willing to take your place. Just as long as you stay and you're happy.

His pleas of hope and desperation are the only reason he's always stood firm in that church that he hated so much There wasn't enough money in the world to make him go to church, but that was before he met you. And it was sure as hell before the revelation that he was gonna lose you one day and there was nothing he could do about it.

Won't you call me? Can we have a one-on-one, please? Let's talk about freedom Everyone prays in the end Everyone prays in the end

Rafe was beyond angry.

He recently found out from your father that you were only getting worse, and the doctor that had been taking care of you revealed that there wasn't anything more that could really be done

So all that time he spent praying for you? He got nothing out of it.

Sometimes, he thought that it was kind of funny how he once begged his father for things, most small, but never got it, and then had to beg and plead with someone else for your well-being and still didn't get anything.

The most recent night he saw you was the worst. You looked bad before, but now? You looked terrible. Your face began sinking in, arms and body became smaller due to you not eating much. And even when you did, you threw most of it up.

You hardly talked now. You were always somewhat quiet but still knew how to have a loud, breathtaking presence. That wasn't the case anymore, though; you were hardly ever awake, on account of you not having much energy, and when you were, you wouldn't say much. Usually just a quiet 'hi' and then would look out your window.

It killed Rafe to see you in such a state. To not be able to have a conversation like he used to. But he learned that while you may not be willing or able to talk, you still enjoyed listening to him. He told you all about the apartment he was able to get, with the help of the job your father gave him, and how he got a dog he named 'Posie', and even brought in pictures of her to show you. She was an older King Cavalier Charles Spaniel, and almost completely deaf, but he loved her, and so did you. Sometimes, he'd even bring her over for a playdate with Daisy, which always brought a brighter look to your face.

He didn't know what particularly triggered it, but he finally, completely and utterly, broke down. On the floor of his bedroom, heavy breaths and thick tears fell all too quickly. It was the type of crying that went from loud, heart-wrenching sounds to nothing at all. And with all the strength he could muster up, he begged, unknowingly for the last time, for someone to help you. This time, not specifying who, just someone bigger to help the sickness that still plagued you.

'Just a fucking one-on-one, please', He thought over and over again. The mantra was recounted in his head for what felt like forever, until he eventually fell asleep.

That was until he picked up the phone call, in which your mother finally told him you had gotten better, only to finish with the words, 'she passed during the night…in her sleep. I'm so sorry, Rafe.'

tagged: @scenesofobx @casualcloddeputyherring @x-lulu

[sincerelylivvv]

Normalise letting your friends reply days/weeks late to your text messages bc sometimes people have:

☆memory problems

☆depression

☆fatigue

☆burnout

☆crises

☆illness

☆social anxiety

☆paranoia

☆manic episodes

☆irritability episodes

☆splitting episodes

☆executive dysfunction

☆anger episodes (so they're isolating to not lash out)

And a bunch of other things that could interfere with replying in a timely fashion.

[sincerelylivvv]

pairing: nate jacobs x fem!reader

summary: nate comes back in an attempt to get you back after what happened prior to your breakup

warnings: some language, nate being nate (obvi)

word count: 3,858

a/n: based of the song ‘dead’ by madison beer and is a part 2 to my previous fic linked here. please check that out before you read! if any of you would like to send in requests, please do! they are open, and honestly, i write for a lot of characters. i have plenty of more fics in the works hihi and if you wanna be tagged, lemme know :) i’m also vv sorry this took so long lmao

You could be here, but you're there

You could be anywhere and these days I don't even care no more

You only be showing me love whenever you've had too much

Whatever's been filling your cup, no more

 A part of you thought that Nate would have attempted to correct his wrongdoings by now. Come crawling back from the pit he's made for himself, but it seems he's everywhere but at that point. Usually, any other time he made a mess of himself, sparked some sort of fight or unneeded drama between the two of you, he'd come back, all doting and soft-spoken. Not this time, it seems. The affection would only last so long before something else appeared. Whether it was rumors of him cheating, getting into another altercation with someone at school or a party, or he felt the need to start harboring bad feelings towards you for whatever the reason was at the given time. 

Nathaniel Jacobs seemed to have found another recent victim last you heard. He showed up to school, coincidentally on a day while you were on vacation with your family, with his hand resting gently on the small of her back. You knew of the girl. She was one of the kinds of girls that never really showed up to parties, never drank, and pushed any form of drug away like it was out to get her. Props to her, you figured, because it did sometimes seem as if drugs and alcohol and all those fine things in life that seemed to make it a little more bearable, were actually out to get you. It didn't matter who you were, they didn't exclude anybody. They'd start you off by making you feel that exciting little buzz, like a first kiss or getting a little handsy with that certain person, and your head would spin. They'd convince you that you're not addicted, that you could never possibly be addicted to such a thing because you had a mentality of pure unaltered steel, saying that you didn't need them. But you'd miss that excitement you felt. That tingling that made you feel so happy yet so calm all at the same time. It was a rare feeling, one you could only find in certain people and things, but one of those things was drugs. You had seen plenty of times what they did to people. But you weren't that much of a saint either. You had dabbled in those kinds of things on more than one occasion, after all, Nate was the center of any attention at a party and usually, he'd use that to flaunt how fucked up he got on the subject at hand. 

As much as a part of you missed him, you were thankful you had more time to yourself. You had more time to spend with your friends, time for yourself, and your family. You thought your mental health would have been fucked up after the fallout, and maybe it was for a little, but you had more opportunities to work on it. You prioritized yourself and for once, you weren't labeled selfish for doing so. With that being said, he still crossed your mind, your path, your line of sight. It wasn't that easy to get rid of him. 

Nathaniel Jacobs could have been compared to that of a parasite. Leeching off of your kindness and wanting to help. You'd realize how toxic he was and all the red flags he would throw up, but he'd do his best to keep you close to him. He wanted a girl that loved him, but one he didn't love. That way it was easier to get things out of her and easy to get over her as soon as things went south. He'd show up with a cute gift or send you a text telling you to be ready in 15-30 minutes and then he'd take you out somewhere nice. You knew cared about you, there was too much of a past for him to just blow past you as if you were nothing. He put up a hell of a good front, though. 

You weren't any better. You made yourself pretty clear you didn't care about him anymore. Why should you? He humiliated you at a very public party and couldn't even fully own up to what he did. He was one of those guys that constantly called himself a man as a means to convince himself and others around him that he was one. But in all honesty, he was a boy who had yet to fully commit to life and the way the world worked. 

Baby, no more showing up when you're not sober

At my front door just to say you're alone tonight

Yeah, tryna fuck me and my mind up

It's a reminder you're a liar and you know I'm right

Nathaniel Jacobs had a habit of coming back when he wasn't wanted. It seemed like no matter how hard you tried to brush him off, he came groveling back; ready to take from you with no intention of ever replenishing how much he took. He'd exhaust you and bury you with his brutish harshness and would ask why you were being such a bitch when trying to defend yourself. You had picked up several bad habits when with him, but you swore he was the worst.  

It was slightly rainy that night. A light drizzle that put you to sleep rather fast. It was at 12:49 in the morning when you awoke from the deep slumber that you were so caught up in. The blanket you remember having wrapped tightly around you to save you from the cold that filled your room due to your air conditioning had ended up hanging halfway off the bed. Your hair was secured tightly in the updo you put it in shortly before falling asleep as a means to keep it from sticking to you. 

It was your phone that rang first. The tune played softly, but loud enough that your mind deemed it important enough to make you wake up. Your eyes squinted at the bright, sudden light. You sighed upon seeing the caller. 'Nate'. You picked up the device hesitantly, the charger still connected. Your left thumb hovered over the screen, which you had dimmed in an attempt to save your eyes a lot of pain and trouble. You bit your lip as you contemplated answering it or not, your dry mouth still evident. You sighed again and your eyelids dropped as you thought better against it. Another confrontation after all this time wasn't something you needed. Your mental health had improved vastly since the breakup, and you were finally getting the peace you knew you deserved. Your back finally hit the soft mattress beneath you once again and your eyes fell shut. It only took about 8 seconds for your phone to start ringing again. Your heart broke a little. A part of it still craved him; longed to reach for the glowing screen next to you. It was enough to make you tear up. You didn't deserve the pain that he left you with. The haunting memories. 

The ringing eventually stopped, and you assumed that maybe he had given up. Perhaps realizing that he had better things he could be off doing or the fact that there was truly no hope left for the two of you; maybe he figured out that you didn't need or want him anymore. 

Your assumption turned out to be wrong. Instead of calling you once more, Nathaniel Jacobs took it upon himself to knock on your door instead. Heavy hits against the wood set in that he really was never going to go away. You'd think for such a large town and so many other girls' houses there are, he could find someone else to bother at such an ungodly time. 

You let out a shaky breath, knowing that you would have to make your way downstairs at some point. He was headstrong and stubborn, and you knew he wasn't going to go away so easily. And the last thing you wanted was your parents making their way down and finding him themselves. 

Your feet pattered softly against the dark-toned floorboards beneath you as you made your way to the foyer. You left the lights off downstairs, the moon letting in enough light for you to see where you were going. Your hand founds its way to the doorknob, but you froze right before opening it. You breathed slowly a few times, trying to brace yourself. It seemed no matter how many times you let the cold air in and out of your lungs, or how many times you told yourself that you could get through this, it was never enough. There would always be that doubt lingering in the back of your mind; like a plague. Settling down its roots and burying itself there. Nowhere else to be, nothing else to do besides break off slivers of the dignity and self-respect you had built back up for yourself. 

Nate heard the clicking of the lock behind him as he stood on your front porch facing the street you lived on. He craned his neck to look over his shoulder and upon seeing it was you who answered, just like he was hoping, his feet turned his body to face you. He didn't say anything at first, words escaping him once seeing you stood in the frame of the doorway, covered in a baggy t-shirt and a pair of shorts. He wanted to reach out and pull you to him, telling you how much he's missed you and the hell he's been in ever since your breakup. He knew he looked rough; the toll was noticeable. But you didn't seem to look any different. Looking closer at you now, he saw that the bags under your eyes had dispersed a little and your hair had gotten longer. 

You stood there, expectantly. Your right eyebrow is half-raised in waiting. He cleared his throat and his eyes suddenly caught sight of his shoes. "Look, if you just came here to waste my time, I'll go right back to bed." Your words stung him a little, but he knew you had every right to be upset. Here he was standing in the rain, upset after a bad day, and worst of all, he had woken you up at an inappropriate time. 

"I'm sorry." Was all he could conjure up. No amount of 'I'm sorry' could make up for how he's treated you, but he figured it was at least a start. 

You sigh and rest your head against the still-open door. "I know, Nate, but..." You pause as your eyes meet his. Your knuckles clench against your thigh and you try to hold back any tears that may threaten to fall. "...But you can't just come back here like, like you are right now, Nate. It's not fair to you. And it sure as hell isn't fair to me." The longer you stood there, the more chance you had to catch on to the smell that drafted off of him. 'He's drunk', you thought bitterly. "Especially when drunk."

"I had a shitty day, Y/n," he mumbles. He was a little embarrassed, he had to admit. He felt stupid as he stood there, soaked, head to toe. He was more than aware that he wasn't completely sober, but at least he was still functional. He was about to continue his sentence, try to explain a little more as to why he was here, but you jumped in before he had a chance. 

"I really am sorry, Nate. But you can't be here right now." You were exhausted, that much was obvious. He was too. You did feel bad, he was in terrible shape, but he didn't have a right to come back to you as if nothing's changed. As if he didn't break you entirely. 

"Please, Y/n. I have nowhere else to go tonight and..."

You shake your head, "No, Nate." His shoulders fell in defeat. "But," You give him a once over, and his eyes stare at you, hopeful. "But I still have some of your clothes here if you wanna change." He sends you a thankful half-smile, grateful for the moment of empathy. You nod your head and step aside, motioning for him to come in. "Just wait here for now. I'm gonna get you a towel to dry off with." 

You pad up the stairs as quietly as you can as to not want to wake your parents or your sister. All three parties would have a heart attack if they found out just who was in the foyer right now. You nudge the bathroom door of the second-floor hallway open and grasp the handle of one of the cabinets that held towels and rags. Gripping the soft blue fabric of the towel you saw first, you slide back out of the room. Before going back downstairs, you make your way into your bedroom and go through your closet to try and find the clothes that you still had after all this time. Finding a sweatshirt and a pair of grey joggers that belonged to him, you grab both articles of clothing and tread down the stairs where you see Nate standing, looking over some of the newer family photos your parents had added to the house. 

Your hand reaches out, and once he notices the towel in his peripherals, he takes it out of your hand. He runs the cotton fabric over the back of his neck and through his hair first, trying to drain as much of the moisture out as he can. You didn't really know what to do next. You felt awkward standing there with him, but you couldn't just leave him to his own devices, either. You point your finger over to the guest bedroom that resided on the first floor. "You can, uh, just change over there." Nate follows your finger and nods silently. He grips the spare change of clothes and throws the now damp towel over his right shoulder. You watch blankly as he walks away and once the door shuts quietly, you run both of your hands over your face. Why you decided to help him, you couldn't quite figure out. He no longer deserved the time and effort you gave him the past few moments. And he had no right to come to you knowing full well that you both were in vulnerable positions; him more than you. It seemed as if he had yet to actually move on, or even make an effort to. There were plenty of other houses he could have shown up to and he would have been way more welcomed than he was with you. Whereas with you, you were getting to the point where you would finally be at peace with what happened. That total awareness and feeling of not caring about him. Not in a spiteful way, but more of you never really thought about him, wouldn't be upset if he was happy with someone else, and you didn't wish bad upon him. The end goal everyone wants after a relationship.

By the time Nate had gotten done drying off and getting dressed, you had been slipping in and out of consciousness on the dining room table. He was half-tempted to just up and leave. Let you fall asleep there and make you wonder if any of it had ever actually happened. But the other part of him thought of the possibility of this ending with the two of you on the path of getting back together again. The latter part won over. 

His fingers swept softly over your shoulder, at first. Then, he added a little more pressure and slowly woke you up. You groaned and did your best to stretch your body out. Taking the position that you did in the chair, even for a short while, still caused your back to ache. Your eyes were squinted at first, but blinking some of the sleep out of them, you looked up at Nate. He was standing only inches from you with the same smirk he carried around almost everywhere. 

"All done?" Your voice was low and a little raspy. You yawned again as you waited for Nate to answer you. 

He cleared his throat and nodded his head. "Yeah."

You motioned your head to the front door, "I think the rain's let up. You should be good going home." You made eye contact with him as you finished your sentence, looking at him expectantly. You wanted to make sure to set boundaries and hoped that he wouldn't make himself desperate enough to try and stay the night with you. 

"Um, I was actually hoping to stay here...tonight."

You closed your eyes, frustrated and exhausted. "No, Nate. Look, helping you out this one time...that's one thing. But there's no way I'm letting it become any more than that. Go. Home."

"Please, Y/N. Just tonight. I'm alone and I don't have anywhere else to go. If you could-"

"I said no, Nate."

You say you can't live without me

So why aren't you dead yet?

Why you still breathing? 

And if you say you can't live without me

Then why aren't you dead yet?

Why do you say that?

"Please..." He begged. His eyes bounced over your face, searching for any empathy, but found none. He thought if anyone would understand, it'd be you. You knew full well of how shitty his home life was, and you had been there for him any other time. Did he want you back? Everyday. There was hardly a time when he wasn't thinking about you and wishing things had turned out different. But he had also learned throughout the breakup that it wasn't fair on you to have to constantly be taking care of him and for him to take advantage of it. He realized how often he took you for granted. He just hated that it took him so long to figure it out. 

You shook your head and attempted to stop yourself from crying. "No. I'm sorry, Nate." You refused to look at him at this point, knowing that you would break, and the tears would fall as soon as you saw him. "Please just go home."

He bit the bottom of his lip and gripped his hair in frustration. "Just tonight. Y/n. That's all I'm asking. You want nothing to do with me afterward? Fine. But I can't...I can't do this without you. I can't live like this. Not without you." Although his voice started out a little loud, it had gradually softened. 

He was looking at you again and noticed how you tried your best not to look at him. Your eyes were stuck on the tabletop in front of you and your fingers were playing with one of the rings that resided on your right hand. You jumped in your seat in shock, when feeling his hand fall on your thigh. He was bent down, on his knees in front of you, staring up at you with the same brown eyes you had fallen in love with when you went out with him for the first time. 

"No, Nate." Your voice had risen to be more stern. "Why do you say shit like that. 'I can't live without you?' That's so pathetic. If you can't live without me, then how the fuck are you still here? Still breathing? Still alive?" Your goal not to be loud enough to wake your family up had flown out the window at this point. You were on the point of yelling and it was only a matter of time before he reciprocated the action. It's just who he was. 

You could hear hushed talking upstairs, a few footsteps, and then you heard your name being called. "What's going on?" Your mother's voice was gentle yet curious. Neither had come downstairs yet, which you decided to take advantage of.

Your eyes flashed with panic for a moment, whilst Nate's were watchful. "Nothing, mom! A friend just needed me for a bit." Your parents must have been satisfied with your answer because you hadn't heard anything back besides their footsteps back to bed. 

"A friend, huh?" Nate has his notorious smirk plastered on his face which you can't help but glare at. You stand up, chair screeching out from under you and Nate backs up a bit to give you some space. 

You scoff at him and shake your head. "You come here and take my generosity for granted, again, and the only takeaway you've gotten from this is the fact that I referred to you as a 'friend' to save your ass, and what, now you think you still have a chance?" You stare at him in bewilderment. You knew he was stubborn, but you think after making it obvious you no longer wanted anything to do with him, he'd pick up on the hint and leave. At this point, it felt useless. And here you are, made a fool, all because you didn't feel like putting up a fight when you were woken up at such an indecent time. 

He didn't say anything back, just stared at his feet in what you hoped was shame, but sincerely doubted that it truly was. His jaw began ticking and you knew it was only a few short minutes before he blew up.

He tried his best to calm the rage that simmered in the pit of his stomach. But as he stood there with you glaring holes into him, the less sorrow he felt and more resentment. He thought coming here with the both of you in somewhat vulnerable states would help repatch the problems that were created; offer a new start and move forward like the two of you had done before. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose and slowed his breathing. "I'm sorry, Y/n. I am. What more do you want me to say?"

You glowered at him. "I don't want you to say anything. And the fact that you had the audacity to ask that is pathetic. As if repeating whatever I told you would make up for all the shit you put me through." You huff and run your tongue over your top teeth. "All I want, is for you to leave, Nate."

Both his jaw and his knuckles clench and he slowly closes the distance between the two of you. His left-hand palms the side of your face but before you can snap at him, he speaks up. "I need you to listen to me, babe," He pauses, and your jaw closes just as quick as it opened. "I am never leaving. I'm not gonna go away and pretend that we never happened." He smirks as he sees a brief moment of fear flash through your eyes. His finger twirls around a loose strand of hair and he continues, voice low and dangerous.  "Me and you? We're fucking endgame."

tagged: @scenesofobx @casualcloddeputyherring @x-lulu @clearriverra 

[sincerelylivvv]

Just wanted to come on here to say that I love you, you're such a sweet and cool person! ♡

I hope you're doing well because you deserve nothing but happiness! 💕

omggg hiiii it's so good to hear from you :) I love you sosososo much moreeee!! I always enjoy seeing you pop up on my dash!!

I'm doing pretty good. I've been a little busier than what I would like buuut yknow is what it is haha

feel free to message me anytime hun! and I'm also almost done with part two of my nate fic, as well as writing a jj Maybank fic and I'm sooo excited. maybe I'll let you take a peek at it hihi👀

[sincerelylivvv]

pairing: nate jacobs x fem!reader

summary: the one where reader doesn't realize how toxic the relationship is until nate fucks up and puts everything into perspective. based off the song 'blue' by madison beer.

warnings: toxic relationship, nate accidently hits reader, nate fights another guy

word count: 5,871

I was always blue behind the red-blood stain on my lips

You were always green with envy, saw right through the tenderness

We were like a California sunset, fated to die any minute

Gettin' rid of you might be the best thing I ever did

Nathaniel Jacobs was most definitely one of a kind. He was your standard golden boy; good looking, athletic, had a successful family, and was well known amongst the community. But as much of a golden boy as he was, he certainly came with his flaws. He was hot-headed, possessive, crude, reckless. 

Even with his flaws, you still became enraptured with him. He gave you attention, the kind that made every girl swoon, her heart beat a little faster, and gave those infamous butterflies. 

Nathaniel Jacobs swore that you were one in a billion. Looked at you dead in the eyes when he told you for the first time. The smile that came from you couldn't help but make his mind race at the thought of the endless possibilities. A family, a nice house that would be picked by you of course,  and a great job that only millions could dream of ever having. He wouldn't want you to work though. Not that he felt you should stay home to be the classic stay-at-home mom, but he wanted you to live a life of relaxation, peace, not having anything in the fucking world to worry about. He was a man who wanted, craved even, to provide for the ones he loved; his someday family. He loved you to the moon and back and would do anything to keep you with him. You had him wrapped around your constantly manicured finger, and strangely enough, he was okay with that. 

Nathaniel Jacobs promised he would never hurt you. You weren't someone he could find somewhere else, there was nobody on earth that would, or could, replace you. 

But people change when they're shitfaced. They get more truthful, more real, not as covered up as they usually were, you know, realistically and metaphorically. 

Shit comes out, shit blows up, and that's what happened at the college party the two of you went to. 

You and Nate were still high schoolers, but he had extensive connections, and as a person who parties a lot, those connections become pretty vast. He asked you to come with him, picked out an outfit and everything, ogled as you did your makeup, and fucked you moments after you had it done, but again, shit happens. 

The party was more than you thought it would be. There were sweaty bodies everywhere you turned, no air, drugs, alcohol, but God, would you be lying if you said you didn't have a damn good time. 

Nate wouldn't leave your side, not even for a second. Wherever you went, he was sure to follow. But when you're at a college party, surrounded by so many college guys that would probably be worth more of your time and would snatch you up the moment he left, it's hard to find the okay to dip, even if he would be back pretty soon after that. 

Nate ran into a close friend of his, if that's what you want to call it. He didn't consider a lot of people, if not the majority of them, friends. They were more of assholes he just kind of used for whatever reason whenever the time. They got to talking, and you got bored. You told him you'd be right back, just going to get you two a few drinks, and left a swift kiss on his cheek. Somewhere along the way, you ran into a friend of your brothers. He grew with him, so he was around a lot. And before you knew it, the two of you got to talking. Making light-hearted jokes and easy conversation. He asked basic questions, how've you been, how's your brother doing, even asked about your parents. You answered in short sentences, not wanting to keep Nate waiting too long, but it was almost as if Nate could smell another guy talking to you, because there was no way on earth he could hear you two talking over the loud music. He came up out of nowhere, and wrapped a protective arm around your waist, sliding his hand into the band of your underwear, the ones he told you to go without, and pulled you closer to him. 

You smiled up at him, the same bright one you had every time you saw him, and your eyes glistened with joy. "Nate, this is a friend of brother's. He grew up with us," Your eyes darted between the two of them rapidly, anxiety creeping in once you saw the dark look on Nate's face. 

"Hey man, I'm Dalton," He was kind enough to stretch out a hand, despite being slightly nervous at the newfound man across from him. Nate grasped his hand in his own, slowly, gripping with the same unwavering stare that he had plastered on, and shook it. Dalton's hands were clammy, he noticed. Due to the hot air that bounced around or the nervousness or both, he didn't know or cared to think too much about. 

"Nate Jacobs," the man to your left introduced. Nate oozed possessiveness and dislike. 

"Right, heard a lot of great things about you. Y/N talks very highly of you." Nate hated him saying your name. He hated that he was so close to you and wasn't there earlier to guide you away. He hated Dalton most of all. 

Dalton wasn't by any means a small or insecure person. He was built, being a football player and doing shotput when he did track and field in high school, and had plenty of confidence to go along with his build, and he didn't know much of Nathaniel Jacobs besides the fact he too, was a football player, and a good one. No matter how built or confident he was, he wasn't looking for a messy altercation with a man he just met, especially when he was dating the sister of a former best friend whom he hadn't talked to in who knows how long. He was just there for a good time, and wasn't looking to overstay his welcome. 

You were shifting uneasily, your stomach turning from the anxiousness and the music was suddenly becoming way too loud. The alcohol in your hand didn't calm your nerves no matter how much you took, and Nate had yet to let up his hard stare. "We were just catching up, he asked how Trent was-"

"I don't care. We're leaving," He gripped you a little too hard, and it made you flinch in surprise. Nate wasn't one to be so rough with you, and Dalton noticed the way you blinked up at him with pain tinging at your eyes. 

"Woah, hey man, no need to get upset. I was just asking her-" 

Nate didn't know what caused him to lash out, but before he knew it, he was throwing a punch at the guy you had been having a calm conversation with moments before. Your drink had been knocked out of your hand somewhere along the way, or maybe you had dropped it from shock. You tried to regain your composure as quick as you could and stumbled over to the two as they grappled at one another. 

"Nate, stop," Your eyes were beginning to well up with tears and you tried hard not to blink, not to release those droplets of water and salt. But you were done for as soon as Nate's fist swung back and hit you straight on the nose. The hit was sickeningly loud, and you swore something may have even crunched, but the tears were soon falling as well as thick loads of blood. You yelped in pain, your feet stumbling back from the force of the hit and you fell into the body of another onlooker. 

Nate froze as soon as he realized what he did, the man under him being forgotten about, and his head whipped around to look at you. 

You couldn't decipher the look in his eyes, maybe because of your now blurry vision or the alcohol that was coursing through your queezy system. You grasped your nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and try not to show too much of your hurt expression, but it didn't do much. Everyone saw what had happened, and now word will quickly spread that Nate Jacobs provoked an unneeded fight and hit his girlfriend in the process. Your parents would flip. They were already upset with the two of you after the pregnancy scare that had happened and him showing up to your doorstep completely and utterly plastered. Everyone at school would be talking about it, and you were sure a video had already been posted to someones social media showing what had happened. 

There would be no getting out of it, and that terrified you. 

Nate got off of Dalton somewhat slowly, terrified to approach you. To let the realization of what happened sink in. His father would be pissed, your parents would try to keep you from him. His future would be put in jeopardy. Would he still have his place on the football team? He didn't know for sure and he hated that he had to now worry about that as well as the oncoming rocky relationship that would be coming his way. Would you ever forgive him? Would he ever forgive himself? He would never intentionally hurt you like that. 

You got up as quickly as you could, and walked out, pushing through the bodies that circled the three of you. The door could not have been any farther. It seemed that no matter how many steps you took, as quick as you moved, it moved away faster. Your hand reached the doorknob after what seemed like years. Time slowed down so much more, and you twisted the silver sphere with as much force as you could manage and pulled it open. 

Nate was in a daze until he realized how far away you were now, and sprinted after you. He found you getting into the truck he brought you in. He grasped your wrist, the one that had been brought back down to your side after you opened the door. Your head darted back to him faster than you would have cared for, your mind now spinning and your eyes not being able to focus on your boyfriend. You tried to pull your wrist away, but his grip got stronger. 

"Get off of me!" You tried to sound like you weren't hurting, like you were nasally from the hit to your nose, like your heart wasn't breaking into pieces. 

No matter how pathetic you thought you sounded, he dropped your wrist. Your tears fell faster, your shoulders shaking in sadness and fear. He wanted to reach out, to hug you, to tell you he was sorry, but he couldn't move. Couldn't take his eyes off of the sight in front of him. He hated himself at that moment, you both knew. And as much as you wanted his comfort, his apologies, you wanted to get home even more. To curl up in your bed, shut your phone off for a week at the very least to avoid the messages and calls. You wouldn't be able to show your face at school, and you doubted that your parents would even let you go after the events of tonight. You could already feel the area around your nose starting to swell, your eyes beginning to get puffy from the crying. 

"Y/N, I-" You shook your head at him, not wanting to hear him. Not wanting to talk. 

"Just take me home," Your voice was so quiet. If he hadn't been so focused on you, he probably wouldn't have been able to hear you. He was gonna help you into the vehicle, thinking that was the least he could do in that moment, but you were already in the truck by the time he worked himself to move towards you. He closed the door for you, your right hand still being held over your gushing nose. 

You had your eyes closed, and tried to think about anything other than what was actually happening. You were forced out of your thoughts once you heard the door slam and felt the truck shake a little from Nate getting in. It was quiet for a few moments, which you were thankful for. The only noise being Nate's heavy breathing. 

Nate started the truck, the engine rumbling to life. Cool air was blasting on your face from the air conditioning and Nate slowly moved from his parking spot, careful not to cause any more hurt to you. The exhaustion weighed heavy, your eyes became more relaxed and you somehow fell asleep. The drive was only about 45 minutes, but Nate knew you could use the sleep. He parked beside your house and was tempted to wake you up. Your nose was no longer bleeding, your eyes stopped dropping the tears he hated so much. He let out a heavy and much-needed breath. His head dropped back against the headrest and he closed his eyes. It was only for a few moments, the front porch light being flicked on and it woke the two of you out of the rest you were taking. Your eyes blinked a few times in an attempt to adjust to the dim light outside of the truck. Nate wasn't looking at you, didn't notice that your eyes were now open. He didn't move until he heard the click of the door to his right. You didn't say anything before you got out, you were still tired and upset, and you had every right to be. He wouldn't rush you to talk to him, he doesn't even know what he'd say if you did. 

You closed the car door behind you and stalked to your front door. Your eyes were squinted just a little and you opened the front door as quickly as you could. You didn't turn around once, didn't spare him a glance as you went inside. He didn't follow you, he knew you needed space. He'd give it to you of course. 

It took days for you to start coming out of your shell. Your sister asked plenty of questions about what happened, none of which you bothered to answer. She was a freshman so you knew she had already seen the video, and that proved that there actually had been a video that made its way around school. It was like a disease, or a cancer. It was on the internet for anybody to see. And of course, the disease took a hold of you. You didn't talk to anyone for a while. Your friends were worried, as were your parents. You made your sister promise she wouldn't show the video to them. Nate was already under enough heat, the last thing he needed right now were charges from your vengeful mother and father. 

No one was home today. Your sister was at school and your parents at work. You were downstairs, grabbing ice for your still swelled nose when you heard a knock against your door. You stilled, your shoulders tensed, and the ice was now long forgotten. Your sock-covered feet shuffled towards the front door. You peeked through the windows that lined the door, trying to see who it was. You identified the person as the mailman that wandered through the neighborhood when he needed to. It was cloudy and a little dark that day, it seemed to be every day that you didn't see Nate. It was like a complete reflection of how you felt. You were blue and sad. You opened the door hesitantly, and the mailman smiled politely once he saw you. The smile dropped a little when he noticed the condition you were in. It was hard not to notice the puffy and bruised areas on either side of your nose. 

He cleared his throat and glanced down at his feet before looking back up at you. "I uh, have a package here for you. Just needs to be signed off on." He held the notepad out to you and gave you a pen to write with. You signed it with curiosity and handed both objects back to you, after which he gave you the small box. You closed the door, not bothering to give him a goodbye, and went to your room. The TV in front of your bed was still playing the show you put on, and you grabbed a pair of scissors to open the box with. Inside it held a gray bag of plastic, which was opened and thrown onto the floor. There was another box. It was black and a soft velvet. You lifted the lid and found a necklace inside. It was silver and small and it held the finest cut diamonds. You sighed, knowing who sent it to you, and sat on your bed. The box that was previously sitting on your bed fell, and when you peaked over, to pick it up, there had been a note. It was sitting face up and with an arched eyebrow, you picked it up with a clammy hand. It was a simple 'I'm sorry, and I love you'. It didn't have a name, but again, you didn't need one. Tears pricked at your eyes in response. You hated what he did to you, but you loved him. No matter what, you always would. And you despised that. You were half tempted to take the necklace and send it back or throw it away. But it was a gift and it was beautiful. And you thought maybe this was a start to things going back to normal. If things could ever go back to normal, you thought bitterly. 

Nate wasn't the same either. Some days he'd be quiet and still, his mind not saying or thinking much. Other days, he'd be easily angered and quick to resort to violence. But he wasn't the same Nate. He hadn't heard from you in about two weeks. You didn't show up to school, didn't talk to anybody, and he honestly never saw you outside your house. He would go by every so often and see if you were doing anything. 

He didn't mean to get jealous, envious of the guy you were talking to. It was just a fucking party and he shouldn't have overreacted the way he did. But he was drunk and stupid. So stupid, he thought. He heard conversations about you that night. How hot you looked in your outfit, how good you'd be in bed, how funny it would be to free the angel from the beast. Nate got angry. It didn't matter who it was, you wouldn't have let anything happen. As soon as you felt uncomfortable, you'd find him and you'd tell him all about it like you always do. You two would laugh at your story, sometimes he would get angry, not at you, but the guys who would talk about you like that. And it would more often than not lead to sex. But never would you cheat on him. You hated how he got so jealous and angry so easily, but you would never resort to leaving him and moving on to someone else. 

But you'd be lying if you said that it wasn't a little nice to be without him. You didn't have to deal with the anger and the resentment he constantly felt towards everyone. It was a little refreshing. It was like you could finally breathe. In a metaphorical sense, considering your nose and everything. 

You had returned to school the next day, the swelling had gone down over the almost two weeks, and the bruising had faded enough to cover it with makeup. You parked your car in a different spot than you usually did. You always parked your car next to Nate's, when you drove. Sometimes he picked you up. You drove an Audi e-Tron GT. Electric, expensive. Your dad owned a car dealership, an expensive one, so it wasn't too much of an issue. Your mom was a plastic surgeon, and a pretty good one. 

People talked, they gossiped. Some saw that you didn't have any marks on your face and that you were making up that Nate hit you and it was all just a rumor. Like you were out to destroy his life. Others say that you just didn't want to show up to school because you and Nate broke up after you had supposedly cheated on him. The rest called Nate a woman beater, and to you, those were the worst. He hadn't meant to hit you, to cause you pain and anguish. No matter how hard it was, you ignored the rumors and avoided the questions. The video had been taken down, due to Nate and his buddies you figured. You were kind of thankful for it, even if it gave those rumors life and sparked more drama. 

You and Nate had a few classes together. Those were gonna be difficult to get through, you concluded. It was gonna be almost impossible to avoid him. But maybe the confrontation was needed. 

He saw you during first period. It was an English class. And while the two of you always sat together in the back of the class, you opted for the front this time. You were beside another girl, a quiet one who didn't talk shit or ask prying questions like everyone else had been that day. And you were thankful for it. But of course, you and Nate not sitting together had people talking even more. Were the rumors true? Had you and Nate broken up? Most people thought so at this point. 

Nate didn't take his eyes off of you, not once. He couldn't tell you what the teacher was droning on about for the life of him. His sole focus was you. He wanted to talk to you, to hear you say something to him. Anything, at all. He'd rather be told that you hated him, despised him, and hoped he'd burn in a ditch than for you to not say anything at all. No matter how hard he stared and wished for you to turn around and so much as even glance at him, you didn't. Not once. You focused on the lesson, filling in the notes handout that the teacher had given you all. It took your mind off of everything. You silenced the thoughts and muted the whispers. 

And I was seein' us in a silent movie

Takin' off our gloves like a violent crime scene

Diamonds in the cut always know how to fool me

Oh, honey

You had managed to avoid him. He didn't push, left you to your own devices. You made it to 8th period before you were done for the day and went home. Skipping the rest of your classes wasn't the best idea, but it beat staying in the constant loop of ignoring your friends, your boyfriend, and all the gossip that was still spreading. You got home quickly, speeding just a little bit, and it didn't take long for you to change out of your clothes. Your bed was a relief. The soft padding and warm sheets a comfort. Your fairy lights twinkled around you and a soft hum of music came from your Bluetooth speaker. The events of the last two weeks were like a movie or a reality TV show. And as much as you hated it, you were the main character. It wasn't anything new, though. Dating the high school's golden boy and being well known within your community didn't make hiding in the shadows possible at all. You decided you would take a nap, that it was needed and well deserved. 

The slam of a car door woke you hours later. You knew it would be Nate. He was bound to show up at some point. Your sister was already home, in her room more likely than not. Nate didn't bother to knock on the front door. He was determined this time. He told himself he wouldn't force you to talk to him, but he expected you to talk to him at some point that day. And because you didn't, he decided to start the confrontation. It was no surprise to you. Nate did knock on your bedroom door, however, and heard you mumble a small 'come in'. Your back was facing him, hair spread around you. You were gazing out your window and didn't look at him right away. He sat down beside you on the other side of your mattress. His back too faced away from you. You didn't say anything and waited for him to speak up first. He was the one to come to you. 

"I'm so sorry." That was all he said. He didn't mention the necklace or the note or you not speaking to him for so long. 

You didn't reply right away. But he could feel the bed shift and turned his body to look at you. 

You didn't look at him when you sat up. "For what?" You whispered back. You hated when he did this, when anyone did this. When someone would apologize but not own up to what they were sorry for. 

"You know what for." He mumbled. 

"It's been a while, remind me," You were testing him, he knew that. And while he loved you, he also hated apologizing. 

He didn't say anything after that and you scoffed. "If you're gonna be a dick, you can leave." You were already fed up with the conversation, and you could tell he was too. He was getting irritated, he wanted a calm conversation but the way you were handling this pissed him off. 

"I came here to try and make things right and you're acting like a bitch." Anger rolled off of him in vicious waves. You tensed and narrowed your eyes. 

"You can't even form a sound apology, and I'm the bitch?"

"I spend thousands on a fucking necklace for you and I don't even get so much as a thank you. Then I come over to apologize because, for some reason unknown to me, you can't come up to me and say even a fucking word. Like I'm not good enough to lick the dirt off your shoe." You were both standing up at this point, eyes glaring holes into each other. 

"A fucking necklace doesn't really make up for hitting your girlfriend, Jacobs. If I wanted, I could have you on your knees begging me to forgive you. You'd be in jail right now if it wasn't for me." 

But I know when to run, run, run

I know when to run, run, run

I know when to run, run, run

When my makeup does, when my makeup does

"Please. You're just like any other bitch. Easy and replaceable. Get off you're high horse for once and realize you're not that fucking important. I could have another one of you by tomorrow. Another girl to hang off my arm and suck me off-" You had heard enough. The slap was loud and seemed to boom throughout your otherwise quiet house. There was a clear handprint on his right cheek. 

"Get out." Your voice wasn't as loud as it was before, it was cool and collected. It held a newfound malice, and unbeknownst to you, your sister was leaning against your door frame watching the altercation.

"Excuse me?" He looked at you closely, took a few steps forward, his body towering over your much smaller one. 

"You heard her, you piece of shit." Your sister made herself known and had her phone in her hand. "I push a button and the police come. Your ass becomes grass." 

Nate whipped around to look at her, disbelief clear on his face, and he scoffs. "Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh Y/N?" He shakes his head and walks out. His head is still held high and his back straight. 

It was the slam of the front door that completely broke you. The dams broke and your knees gave way under you. Your sister was beside you in an instant. 

You clung to her like a life source, like she was the only person on earth. No words were said, and you appreciated that. You didn't want to hear anything, you just wanted to cry. Screams tore from your throat until no more noise was able to be made. Your sister almost started crying with you. She had never seen you in such a state. You always held your composure and had never broken down like this before. She also never saw Nate treat you like that before, either. He handled you with such care and gentleness and had not once disrespected you so much. He loved you. Whenever he had questions about you, what you liked, what your dream date was, your favorite color, he would always go to her for answers. He would text her asking what to do now that he fucked up so much, she was sure of it. 

The makeup you had on from earlier that day was running now. Tears mixed with mascara and snot took off any concealer you had on. 

You two fell asleep together, curled up in a ball with a light blanket the younger girl pulled off your bed draped over your bodies. She still had you in her arms and your head resting in the crevice of her neck. 

You woke with a slight jolt, hearing your door open. Your sister was still asleep you saw and looked over to see who it was that woke you from your slumber. 

Your mother stood in the doorway with a slight frown on her face, she was confused, you noticed, but if you walked in and saw yourself in such a condition, you would be too. 

"Dinner's ready, hun." She didn't say anything else and you wondered if you wanted to go downstairs and have to face your parents. Their questions would be one after another, but you figured if you were crying so much and looked as devastated as you were, they probably already knew it was Nate that did that to you. 

You could feel the body underneath you shift and you knew that she was awake. Her hand ran through your hair once before she yawned and sat up straighter. 

"Shit, my back hurts." You moved off of her to give her the chance to stretch and you did the same. You didn't notice how stiff your shoulders were until then, as well as your neck, and you felt bad for the girl that was comforting you moments before. 

"Sorry," you mumbled. Your throat was dry and sore, and you knew there would be no way you were going to school the next day. It would be a Friday, so you could have the weekend to recollect and move on. Or try to, at least. 

"Don't be. You don't have to apologize for shit. That dickbag does, though." Your sister shook her head, remembering what had happened and what he said to you. She should have called the cops before speaking up, but she didn't want to put you through what would be even more of a mess. 

"I have a feeling after today that won't be happening." You didn't know how at that moment, but you knew he'd pop back up sooner or later. He always does. He'll victimize himself and force you to say something first. Make you make the first move. You'd refuse. If you had to run away, you would. Anything to get away from him. As soon as the makeup runs, so do you. 

I was always blue behind the black mascara that I cry

You could be as sweet as honey, but I knew the darkness in your mind

We were like a gorgeous bed of roses, ready to die any minute

Gettin' rid of you might be the best thing I ever did

Getting rid of Nate was almost too easy. He made no attempt to talk to you or reconcile even in the slightest. It almost made you think he was truly over you and the words he spoke that afternoon were true. There was no way he wouldn't retaliate, though. He was too petty and prideful not to. He was conjuring something up. You didn't know what and you didn't know when it'd happen, but it was inevitable. 

Not being with him anymore cleared your mind. It made you realize a lot of things. You ranted to your sister about all the shit he did in the past, and she pointed out how toxic and unhealthy it was. It put everything into perspective. How he'd make you feel like shit one moment and then make you feel like you were queen of the world the next. And that wasn't okay. No one said relationships were supposed to be easy, but they also shouldn't have been that bad. You realized that the day you got his necklace that you had been blue many times before. No matter how much concealer, eyeshadow, and mascara you put on, you were still always sad. And you realized that all the tears you cried that day he came over and everything went to hell was more than what happened. It was all those frustrations and all that sadness built up. You can't hold back the flood once the dam breaks, and that's exactly what happened then. 

You always knew there was something more to him, but your enamored heart ignored it and shut down the logic in your brain. 

The conclusions you made the day before about him retaliating, quickly came to life. He found someone else, you thought bitterly. "I cannot fucking believe him," Maddy shook you out of your trance. She scoffed at the new girl he had, their hands intertwined. You didn't know much about the girl, she was in drama club but wasn't into parties. She was susceptible and naive. Nate would dig his claws into her at some point, and she'd be the next victim. You and Maddy knew better than anyone else how the story went. He'd woo her, make her feel special, and then crush her from the inside out. If she was smart, she'd get out as soon as she had the chance. Not give him any hint of her leaving and watch him eat shit. 

You shrug, "Doesn't concern me. He's someone else's problem now. The heat from what happened between the two of us will be drawn off and we can go about our merry lives." Maddy's eyes flickered over your face. She didn't understand how you could be so okay after everything that's happened. 

She knew you would move on, too. Find someone else and live happily with them. She just hoped Nathaniel Jacobs would mind his fucking business when you did so. 

a/n: first imagine, please like and repost if you enjoyed it. imma try to knock some more out sometime soon. if you have any requests, feel free to send them in. lemme know what you thought. thank you for reading my lovelies <3