siriuslyalittleshit

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merry christmas tolkien fandom

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accidentally too straightforward courtship

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it’s amazing the entire dashboard is just old things. shakespeare. arthuriana. gargantua. the epic of gilgamesh. the brothers karamazov. beowulf. wuthering heights. medieval mystics. dracula novel discourse. lawrence of arabia 1962. al pacino. die girlies auf tumblr are thriving and having a ball going about as if media stopped happening post 2010

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The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 2001, dir. Peter Jackson

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bilbo telling little frodo his adventures as bedtime stories

THE PRINCESS BRIDE 1987, dir. Rob Reiner

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"My lords, please extend your patience and grace for my companion. He is among the bravest warriors I have known, but his people are different from ours. For his kin, to express no emotion is alike to having none, and indifference of all matters is a type of cowardice. He is merely grieving in a way befitting a warrior of his people."

[High-pitched shriek echoing from somewhere afar in the distance]

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fanfic writing culture isn’t “oh dang! I wanted to write about this prompt with this character but someone else already wrote it, so now I can’t”.

fanfic writing culture is always “two cakes is better than one. the more the merrier. there can ever be enough fics of this character with this prompt!”

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me, struggling to write: hmm, this part is a little difficult. maybe i should check my planning document, which i created as a helpful tool for my writing process!

the planning document:

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I need Kili to be considered kind of a weirdo by dwarven standards - bro doesn't have any beads or braids in his hair, bro uses a bow and arrow as his favoured weapon, bros got a shit beard even for someone his age, bros got the hots for elves - he's just a weird little guy but he's very loved regardless and Fili is very protective of him cos yeah he's sort of strange but that's my little brother I'll kill you if you start talking shit

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Considering how generally unambitious and comfort-loving they are, I don't think hobbits particularly enjoy digging or engaging in burrowing behaviours. I think it's more like the way beavers build dams because they hate the sound of running water. Like a hobbit will be sitting in an otherwise perfectly nice and cozy aboveground residence and thinking "man, I hate this", and has no idea why until they connect the dots and figure out they'd be much happier if they were living in a hollowed-out hill.

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i would pay several hundred dabloons to see orlando bloom play a book-accurate legolas. i completely understand how they probably had to tone his character down or else he would’ve taken all the spotlight lol, but can you imagine orlando bloom fucking SCREAMING at the sight of a balrog

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whoever invented beds was a fucking genius im just all cozied up in here like u don't even know how cozy i am

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Thorin thought once they reclaimed the mountain the worst would be behind them until he remembers that his nephews, heirs to the throne, grew up as commoners and haven't got a fucking clue how they're expected to act in formal occasions as princes so now Thorin and Balin have to My Fair Lady/Pretty Woman/Princess Diaries these two idiots (who actually know more than they're letting on but think it's fun to stress out their uncle and cousin) before they accidentally cause a royal scandal with their impropriety

Balin: pretend I'm a lord from the iron hills - how do you greet me?

Fili: *daps him up*

Kili: *aggressive and far too informal headbutt*

Thorin, head in hands: Mahal is punishing me

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no offense but reading is literally the cure to brain rot and there’s no work around to reading books

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Fellowship Shenanigans

Storytime

Legolas: Well, obviously I didn’t see Bilbo, no one did, and the Dwarfs were kept in the dungeons.

Gimli: For no good reason!!

Aragorn: Oh no, not this again.

Boromir: Could someone please tell me what they’re on about??

Frodo: We’re just talking about Bilbo’s adventure.

Gimli: I wouldn’t say Bilbo’s-

Pippin: It’s Bilbo’s adventure.

Boromir: Ohhh!

Pippin, to Boromir: Do YOU think that Thorin and the others could have killed the dragon on their own?

Boromir: Sorry little one, I don’t know the story.

Everyone: What?!

Aragorn: Even I know the story, and I’m the only one who didn’t know someone on that trip.

Legolas: My father told me what happened.

Gimli: MY father told ME what ACTUALLY happened!

Sam: Everyone knows the story!

Frodo, to Boromir: You’re literally the only one here who doesn’t know Bilbo, aren’t you?

Boromir: It seems so.

Pippin: This needs fixing.

Merry: Agreed.

Aragorn: And this is the most important thing to be doing right now?

Pippin: Yes.

Aragorn: If you say so.

Frodo: You start, Sam, you tell it the best.

Sam: Thank you, Mister Frodo. Ehem. In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit-

Legolas and Boromir: You live in holes!?!?

Aragorn: Yeah they do.

Boromir: That’s weird.

Legolas: That’s tragic!

Merry: It is not!!

Aragorn: It’s a bit weird, if you’re not used to it.

Gandalf: Hardly.

Gimli: I, for the record, think it sounds great.

Legolas: No one asked.

Sam: EHEM!!

Several Hours Later

Boromir, extremely confused: Wait, so how long did they spend in Mirkwood?

Hobbits: A week.

Gimli: A month.

Legolas: A year.

Aragorn: Legolas, we’ve already established that your perception of time can’t be trusted.

Frodo: Bilbo says he was there for a week at least.

Gimli: Oh come on! It was far longer than that!

Legolas: Well only one of us was actually there, so-

Boromir, to the Hobbits: Why is half your story about food?

Sam: What kind of a question is that?

Legolas: Did Bilbo really miss the entire battle?

Merry: Oi! Judgy much!

Frodo: He did an extremely good job of not dying, thank you very much.

Aragorn: For which we are all very grateful, just try not to break his streak, will you? Pippin, talking to you.

Pippin: I have no idea what you mean by that, I’m sure.

Boromir, to Aragorn: So what actually happened??

Aragorn: Mate, I’ve heard at least five different versions of this story, three of which were just Bilbo in varying levels of drunk. I have no freaking clue what actually happened, only it was pretty amazing. Also it’s past midnight, everyone go to sleep! Legolas, you take first watch, with anyone except Gimli.

Gandalf, to Aragorn, once everyone else has settled down: You know what amuses me?

Aragorn: What?

Gandalf: Not one of them thought to ask me what happened.

Aragorn: Would you give them a straight answer if they did?

Gandalf: …

Aragorn: That’s what I thought.