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January 2025 | John Marin Photography

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This is one of the essays from this collection. Feel free to download it here (x).

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Here's my 2024 Mental State Wrapped

I'm second-guessing everything I know about myself; so all the eye rolls and smirks I half-heartedly accepted have been ingrained in my head.

All my friends are either abroad, emotionally absent or indifferent, or obsessed with me; and I can't seem to trust anyone enough because I fear tearing myself open and bleeding myself dry for nothing. Everything I have shared online this year has slight alterations to serve my calculated relationships; and I hate that I have to walk on eggshells all the time.

I used to have an excel file for everything-- from budgets to projects. I used to have backups after backups. Now, I feel like I'm just going with the flow, and the stream is flowing downhill all the time.

I love the things I do, and I think I can do more; but I promised myself that if my competence starts declining, I should step down myself. I know I should not measure my worth based on other people's metrics, but I keep reading their silence as a testament to my ineffectiveness.

Am I overanalyzing myself and undermining my value or are other people already doing that for me?

I think I just want to be seen-- to be actually seen-- not just to be looked at from the corner of people's eyes; but I also just want to vanish for a while without worrying about the consequences. I want the spotlight or nothing; and I'm tired of pretending that's untrue.

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I was searching my drive for documentaries to add to my journalism class syllabus when I accidentally came across my Legal Writing outputs back in 2018. I still have all eight of them, so I will compile them, upload the compilation somewhere, and publish the link here. I just need to put the parts together (add an acknowledgement page, a dedication page, and maybe an intro-- if any of my writer Facebook friends would be kind enough to write one).

Thanks to Atty. Rudy Quimbo for the fun writing activities! I had been "forced" to do a lot of things in my life, and writing for your class was the most rewarding of all.

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Walang burak sa BGC

a Starbucks tissue patiently waits

for the man with the leaf blower

"Vacuum," Jessy corrected,

as if the possibility of it being both

a diabolical conclusion

Walang nalulunod sa laylayan

The sampaguita vendor cowers

on the corner of 7th Avenue

I mean,

who am I to ignore

that helpless Calico kitten in the bush?

And all them pendejos putas

swear

Walang Dios sa BGC

Bagama't may mga petiburges

na nagdidiosdiosan

-//Wala sa BGC; s.j.m.

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I don't usually see strangers when I walk home. With my earbuds on and my music louder than the street noise, it's always as if there's only me and the night.

But some nights are different than others. Tonight, the laughs of the BPO agents across me on the jeepney ride home were louder than Noah Kahan's Still. I don't even know the song, but I still felt robbed of a peace even this government cannot promise-- much less provide.

Outside the window, I saw two men-- by a table with beers and playing cards-- immersed in a conversation I'll have no way of knowing about, probably something about sports or women. Nothing new. But a conversation nonetheless.

I think there's some benefits to being confined in an enclosed office, far from nonsensical conversations-- those workplace gossips, biased opinions, and unsolicited advice. It's just a little too much when all I give and get are the hi-hellos through the hallways.

I wouldn't go so far to say I have so much substance to feed anyone who dares to strike a conversation with me, but I do think I can give more than sarcasm and sexual innuendos if anyone's ever ready to hear them.

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lezzgo? 🥹👉👈

Buhayin natin yung @kintalpress . I'm thinking of creating a new issue with the theme "Other Lives" which will focus on Creatives and their Day Jobs.

Instead of just creating a collection of submitted artworks and literary works, I'm hoping we can interview a few people to add some feature articles in the folio.

Is anyone here interested in joining the team who will work on the folio? This will be pro bono for now. Passion project lang sana natin for the creative community.

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Taguig City, Philippines; 2024

Agfaphoto 35mm, Vibe B&W 400

My first film roll. As a beginner in using film cameras, I think these turned out fine. I was anxious about the whole process. Hope to improve soon.

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Rakrakan Festival 2023

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I hope death welcomes me as much as I welcome it. I hope it's as cozy as my bed in December. I hope it doesn't sting nor burn-- that instead, it's as soothing as bathing on a hot summer day. I hope that it will be a sigh of relief; for when death comes, I know that all the heartaches will die with me.

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I tried creating Amazon account before to sell my ebook kaso may bayad. Sayo rin ba?

Libre lang ang paggawa ng account. You only have to pay for the cost of the printing and distribution (when ordering author copies) of the books.

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Hi everyone!

The hardcover edition of Temporary is out now!

Buy 3 copies to get FREE shipping to the Philippines. Follow this link.

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Ilan na bumili ng book mo?

Enough to know who are supporting me :)

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How did you make or write your ebook? What app did you use?

Hi. I just used MS Word, and converted the doc file to epub using online converter.

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SZA - SOS (Philippine version) Taguig, Philippines

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I wanna buy your book! How much po? :)

Hi Jasfher,

Thank you for your interest in buying the book. Here's where you can purchase it (all the information you need are also here): https://www.amazon.com/Temporary-John-Marin-ebook/dp/B08PSTB463