sixtyemeralds - Tumblr blog

[sixtyemeralds]

I think what's most telling about Tumblr's idea to add some algorithmic curation to a list is, frankly, I had curated content before the banning of important content that is quite hard to curate a good list for. I'm actually not joking. Some of the stuff I enjoyed is hard to find on the NSFW sites. And a lot of it isn't really content I want to enjoy.

When a lot of people left Tumblr, they did so because their content was obliterated. Tumblr's refusal to reverse direction on that speaks volumes on what Tumblr thinks people want, and what the people want.

It's hard to trust a company that won't listen to its userbase.

[sixtyemeralds]

Watching this hurt. Hurt a lot. But I'd rather re-experience every bit of pain than downplay what I witnessed.

[sixtyemeralds]

Sometimes, you just have to relax and have fun.

[sixtyemeralds]

I needed a moment to clear my head and learn.... this.

I am stupid. That is as kind as I can be to myself right now. All I can do is try my hardest to fix my stupid.

[sixtyemeralds]

[sixtyemeralds]

I'm not saying it was aliens, but... eh, I'll find some good use for this photo.

I had the Aliens guy on my mind for some reason... I've already forgotten why I wanted to pretend to quote him, but, I've gone and tried to recreate the overall tone of his usual poses so if the need arises, I can build some meme text for it quickly.

I've forgotten how easy it is to sketch poses in QAvimator. The old one, with only the most basic of joints. Version 0.1.1.450 to be exact...

[sixtyemeralds]

Last night's VRChat excursion may have been among friends, in friends only places, but it was sooo worth it. I heard many songs I need to add to my playlists, I sang no less than four times at karaoke, and I don't give a spit they were all vent songs.

[sixtyemeralds]

Oh, ambient, low mood, and oddly soothing? Why yes please. Another one for the laptop! I know- I'll keep reblogging all these pieces even as I build playlists that people can listen to on YouTube.

My guilty pleasure of loading up another music playlist on YouTube continues. I need to throw this one onto the laptop and let it play while I do some work.

[sixtyemeralds]

I had the Aliens guy on my mind for some reason... I've already forgotten why I wanted to pretend to quote him, but, I've gone and tried to recreate the overall tone of his usual poses so if the need arises, I can build some meme text for it quickly.

I've forgotten how easy it is to sketch poses in QAvimator. The old one, with only the most basic of joints. Version 0.1.1.450 to be exact...

[sixtyemeralds]

Thumbs have been created.

And the first video is now live.

I have one thing I really need to get done as it is time sensitive. I need to create thumbnails for my Sail VR videos so they can go live and people who are interested in the game can watch me stumble through my usual route of gameplay.

Thumbnail progress: 0/2

[sixtyemeralds]

I have one thing I really need to get done as it is time sensitive. I need to create thumbnails for my Sail VR videos so they can go live and people who are interested in the game can watch me stumble through my usual route of gameplay.

Thumbnail progress: 0/2

[sixtyemeralds]

My guilty pleasure of loading up another music playlist on YouTube continues. I need to throw this one onto the laptop and let it play while I do some work.

[sixtyemeralds]

I also watched the follow up video. Obsessive stalking looks awfully similar, doesn't it...?

Some days, I wonder what watching these videos says about me. Am I telling on ourselves? Do I need additional help? Regardless, I watched it and it is advice I would offer anyone who is dealing with another toxic individual.

[sixtyemeralds]

Some days, I wonder what watching these videos says about me. Am I telling on ourselves? Do I need additional help? Regardless, I watched it and it is advice I would offer anyone who is dealing with another toxic individual.

[sixtyemeralds]

Then let me rephrase it in terms you can understand.

Your brother. Do you want what happened to him to happen to another soul? Do you? Then focus on the people who appreciate you for you. Stop trying to force yourself on people who clearly are uncomfortable with your presence. Pay them no mind. They do not matter.

I got closure, and that's all I needed. Have a good life.

Adventure... awaits. Huzzah.

[sixtyemeralds]

It appears my intellectual piracy has caught up with me. Now I'm an experimental subject!

[sixtyemeralds]

Who Am I?

I've learned a lot about myself in the past year or two. For starters, I've had the habit of following those who take the lead naturally, and I feel comfortable in their presence, following along and doing what they do. This led me to my first exploration of a relationship on Second Life. That reminds me, it's been a while since I've checked up on him. The last I heard, he streamed on Twitch... I wonder what he's up to?

I broke this one off. Eventually he stopped coming by on Second Life, and when it had been months of reaching out without any response back, I chose to reserve myself and look for feelings of comfort and security elsewhere. It had become, as they say, no longer personal.

Everyone else who reached out to me during this time simply didn't click. They either didn't take the lead, or they didn't show personal interest in me.

Fast forward about ten years, and while checking out a semi popular VTuber server, someone reaches out to me to help with my attempt to get started with VTubing. They offered me my very own VRoid model that I could use for my own purposes. I still have it. I even have a variation of that VRoid model uploaded to VRChat today, although I never wear it. But that day meant something special.

Someone was taking the lead and showing interest in little old me. From that day on, I tried to show as much interest in them and their interests back. I even became their moderator, and vowed to protect their server from even my own headmate should the need arise.

I won't go over how this ended. If you need to, find my TwitLonger on Twitter, because at the moment I have nothing to add other than we've started counselling finally. My exile was sealed the moment I broke my promise without even realizing it. I still owe their friend an apology for getting him involved.

You might be asking, "Saria, wasn't this post supposed to be answering who YOU are? Not who can find a way into your heart?" And I suppose that is the point. Those who find a way into my heart become just as much a part of me as I would have been on my own. I cherish those few individuals who were willing to think of me when I was nothing more than a literal Pirate Saria on the internet.

Now, who am I...? What values do I hold? What do I want to do with my life? These aren't easy answers. I think I want to go back and finish developing something for once. I want a project in a state where I can call it done and move onto the next project. Or move to the next stage of a project. I want to play my instruments better, and maybe even compose music. I want to make skins in Minecraft, and maybe even take commissions once I'm confident I can make what other people want. I'm nearly there already.

There is one more thing I want to do, and I know I'll be told it's a bad idea. I want to bury my trauma somewhere that forces people to work for it. I don't care that I'm stealing this idea from somewhere. If you want to know me better, you'll put in the time and effort to find it.