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[skinimini80]

So three days of restricting after binging and not purging I am 5 pounds down from the bloat.

I woke up 110.4. Yay! Just gotta keep going.

[skinimini80]

I love how my face slims down when I don’t purge.

Like for the past few years I thought I had a round face because I was chubby and then bulimic.

It’s still a bit puffy because I did relapse quite a bit throughout may, but because I’m in a deficit my body doesn’t hold on to as much water and my bulimic puff goes down.

I don’t have a round face I think. I’m not sure. Whatever the case I feel prettier.

[skinimini80]

So yesterday I did pretty good.

I had a moment where I felt binge urges, but I brushed them off.

I ate three meals spread out through the day, with an alcoholic beverage and a snack at other times.

Basically I was able to be happy with smaller portions rather than spending the day obsessed with getting to eat a lot at once.

I also got in my steps and then some.

I woke up 111.4!

[skinimini80]

Ok so I had a bit of a binge relapse this week.

Basically I bloated up to 115 ish and just decided to get back into restriction.

I did my 1200 cal limit with a 10,000 step goal.

Already after one day I’m down to 112.2.

I’ll be back on track before I know it.

Also the common theme with my binges is this: ‘twas high as a fucking kite

I skipped the edible yesterday and surprise surprise it was easy to not overeat.

Lmao it’s almost like strength training for discipline. If you can handle not eating while you’ve got the munchies, you can handle any temptation.

[skinimini80]

So i b/ped again yesterday.

Ate a safe meal after and drank lots of water.

Woke up 110.4 this morning. So I’m lighter. I’m also constipated rn.

Not bad not bad.

[skinimini80]

So I did amazing on Wednesday.

I got shit done, I walked around my city, I took some fun personal risks, I restricted easily.

Thursday I met with friends, SO I didn’t eat until I saw them.

Unfortunately the food we got freaked me out so I purged.

It’s fine.

I‘m 111 now.

[skinimini80]

Maybe it’s because the past two days I’ve had more than enough food to function but

I am in such a good mood? I’m feeling so motivated. Like yeah, I’m bloated. I’m 112.8 lbs.

But like dude? That’s my new bloated? 112.8 lbs? There was a version of me who thought that was skinny once upon a time! It’s not skinny. It’s not fat or chubby though. It’s just like healthy looking.

As it Stands, no one is gonna look at me and think fat. I’m gonna be losing weight again which means I’ll look fine now and just keep looking better!

Over these past 9 months I’ve basically lost over 10 lbs of true weight. Because my bloating weight is different. My dehydrated weight is different. I’m different.

And I am short! I am 5 feet tall. 10 lbs is a lot off my frame!

And I’ve fucked up a lot too! I’ve over eaten! I’ve had weeks where I eat a „normal“ amount (whatever the fuck that means Lmao). Sure I could be skinnier rn but like the fact that I’ve dropped a significant portion of weight and kept it off is satisfying in its own right.

[skinimini80]

So yesterday I had a boba thinking it couldn’t be more than like 200-300 cals

Bitch it was 662 cals!

So I got high to feel better idk.

So that uh threw me off my rhythm and spiraled into a b/p.

Post b/p I was 110 lbs, a whopping five lbs lighter than in the morning. But that’s because me being 115 wasn’t real weight gain it was massively water weight.

Anyways post purge I threw out my trash, my puke bag (which is a terrifying thing to do while high btw) and I ordered my safe meal AND another boba? It was from a different place. I tried to make my order low cal with green tea, almond milk, and 30% sugar with popping boba.

I estimated 250 cals which put me at like maintenance for the day, assuming any calories absorbed during my b/p were negligible.

I did order some stuff to make my own boba drinks today. I got cute glasses, straws, and popping boba. I’m going to get milk and tea from the store. I have tons of Splenda to sweeten with if necessary. If I can make a boba drink that is low cal and I like it, I’ll be golden.

Also despite eating at maintenance I am 112.8, which means I lost 2.2 lbs yesterday! I knew the water weight would fall right off.

[skinimini80]

So i was alone on Memorial Day yesterday which meant I could’ve planned to restrict.

Instead I got high and binged 4216 cals. I‘m glad I counted. (Technically I ate 550 of those cals through my breakfast and lunch but you get it)

I took a sleeping aid that usually bloats me and just tried to fall asleep. I woke up 115.

This is fine. It’s water weight. I’m not going to like make up for the cals. I’m just wiping the week clean. It was a holiday and I kept myself from purging. The binge started with like six protein bars so you just know that shit is gonna take a second for my body to digest.

I‘m also relieved my stomach pain is gone. It wasn’t easy last night. I had to take a second edible to stop feeling my body. Now I’m just feeling the discomfort of being bloated rather than the pain of an overfilled stomach.

I have a singular errand to run today so I’m gonna make a day of it. I’m gonna dress up, put on some makeup, run my errand, and walk around the city.

I think I’m gonna just like treat this as a new start to my weightloss if that makes sense? Like a reset. Hopefully it’ll manufacture a honeymoon phase lmao.

I just know I didn’t eat enough to gain a single pound so the water weight should slip right off.

Honestly, beside the stomach pain it was nice to eat a pizza and an entire bag of m&ms. I also have some leftover whip topping that I can enjoy with strawberries. It’s nice because it’s like 290 cals for 3.5 oz. That’s not bad at all if I portion out an ounce. Hell i could eat 3.5 ounces as a meal. Not a great idea as it’s really just sugar but I’m not opposed to a junkorexic day.

[skinimini80]

So I’ve been in a situation where eating is unavoidable.

Basically I’ve been purging my way through.

I was 106.6 yesterday. I didn’t update my weight because I’m trying to keep my weight tracking focused on me with food and water weight in my body rather than my dehydrated bulimic body.

Yesterday I kept something down for my medicine’s sake. It was my safe meal that has a tendency to be heavier on the scale if that makes sense? It’s large, and rich is sodium and brown rice so it takes a while to digest. I woke up 108.6. I also woke up earlier than usual.

That’s fine. I lowkey wish I could go back into restriction today but I know the chances aren’t high with my current situation today and tomorrow. That said, despite the fact that I have binge food available I’m trying to avoid b/ping until I need to. This helps me get in the habit of not eating for long periods of time which is great for restriction.

Good news is by Friday I’ll be able to have full control again. AND purging everything does make me lose weight so I will be coming back skinnier which is motivating.

I’m gonna go grocery shopping and try to get some old safe foods from my middle school honey moon era lmao. I’m also gonna try to get some new things. I really need to expand my diet, especially since my go to make at home safe meal is like 400 cals (when I originally made it up I got the cals in blueberries wrong.)

My weight loss this year has been slow but it has been happening. If I keep going I can reach the 90’s by fall.

It feels good to be back to where I was before my handful of non purged binge days last week.

[skinimini80]

Hell is waiting for others for the food plans of the day.

I don’t know where we will go. I don’t know when they will show up. I just had a cheat day last week. I must WAIT.

But I’m so tempted to eat something for breakfast.

(Good News the weight from my cheat day is just falling right off. Atp im two lbs heavier from my lowest.)

Also i look so different from like 15 lbs heavier me. It feels good but also bad because I was delusional to think I looked normal back then.

I wasn’t overweight but I looked fat.

[skinimini80]

I woke up 108.6!

I ate quite a bit yesterday (1214 cals) but it was also largely alcohol and other drinks with cals. I was with my friends and we just happened to eat more than usual.

I feel very good about this! Finally! After a MONTH of basically no loss I’m losing again! Also the meds haven’t made me bloat up yet! So maybe they actually won’t affect me that way!

Maybe. I’m never in the clear. Don’t wanna jinx it.

[skinimini80]

Yay so I finally broke 110 (non bulimic 110 that is)

Not only did I wake up four hours earlier, I’m constipated and on medicines that bloat you.

So I feel pretty happy to be 109.2! Restriction works, even high restriction!

[skinimini80]

So I’m on a new medication and one of the side effects is like massive water weight gain?

I weighed myself this morning… no change in my weight.

It also doesn’t do that to EVERYONE but knowing my body I thought for SURE it would bloat at the first opportunity.

Also also i feel like I look so fat in like photos and stuff. It’s weird it’s not body dysmorphia the photos genuinely show a fat little fucking troll. I’ve literally been losing weight! Why do I look so chubby? I haven’t lost muscle I never fucking had it.

[skinimini80]

So again I b/ped.

Like yesterday, I ate my normal calorie allowance throughout the day. Then I wanted a little more, they got my order wrong AGAIN but lowkey I was already planning on purging so I just went to town.

Anyways I didn’t eat a post purge meal. I just went to bed. I had to get up early and I’m very sleepy but I’m 110.6. idk if that means I’ve lost but I am super bloated today in like a constipation way so I’m glad the number is lower.

[skinimini80]

So i b/ped again yesterday, after a full day of restricting.

I b/ped so aggressively I was so worn. I cleaned my kitchen and took out all the trash and frankly just got in bed and cried while watching tiktoks.

After a while I felt hungry again. So I decided to eat my safe meal, even though I had eaten 1150 cals outside of my b/p.

I woke up 111.4. this is my new CW. I’m just gonna let myself start fresh. It’s not like I haven’t lost 10 lbs these past few months. I’m not gonna spiral into b/p hell or indecisive maintaining hell.

[skinimini80]

So uh tragic discovery.

I eat the same meal over and over again. Earlier this month and last month when I was losing at a quicker pace, I made it with blackberries usually and blueberries on occasion.

This month I realized I like blueberries more so I just started buying those.

Mother fucker I have been counting blueberries wrong! I picked the wrong food on my app! Idk which sicko thought to put a wrong gram to cal count on lose it but turns out I’ve been undercounting enough to potentially add 50-100 extra cals to my safe meal!

This is bad because I literally have been only eating this specific meal multiple times a day!

Good news is my weight was still creeping down, just slowly. Also good news I got my period which means I might experience a weight drop soon.

I guess this sucks because I really like blueberries and I have a shit ton of them, but I can just eat my safe meal less frequently and know that my metabolism isn’t suddenly dead lmao.

Also i seriously gotta start eating more variety. It’s just so hard dude. I just wanna eat my safe meal.