sleepy-ghost-girl-blog - Tumblr blog

[sleepy-ghost-girl-blog]

why

why the fuck am i so

disgusting

everything i do

disgusting

basic fucking tasks

disgusting

doesnt matter how much i shower it still stays with me 

disgusting

thats what i am

can everything just go away for a second

can everyone just stop blaming everything on me

why cant i help

now i feel bad

fuck

go away

[sleepy-ghost-girl-blog]

wow dont you just love it when this happens

golly gee isnt it just great when your mum says ‘i cant tell when you’re being depressed you or just teenage you’ and you get visibly upset so she bluntly, emotionlessly ‘apologises’.

yeah mum, thats why im on meds, because im ‘just being a teenager’

yeah, thats why you won’t leave me home alone right now, im sure

i think that comment just made everything 10x worse. i was almost excited to feel better but uh nope now that idea has been brought back to me and almost confirmed, i think i have hit rock bottom for the 5th time in the past 5 days

she thinks im making excuses so i dont have to do things- basically confirming one of my biggest fears/insecurities (faking shit for attention)

am i fucking faking this entire thing? am i just a massive attention whore?

im not gonna be able to sleep tonight thanks mum

[sleepy-ghost-girl-blog]

vent #1

, i’ll probably get over this within the next few minutes but i still wanted to complain. i dont even care if anyone sees this or not- i just need to complain.

honestly who the fuck do i think i am to get this upset over dumb shit when there are people literally sleeping on the streets only hours away from me. jesus fuck what is wrong with me

basically, my mum had to catch up with some family friends. you see, the issue is, as much as i love them, i’ve never been too comfortable around them. they’re nice and all but ever since i was really little they’ve been the kind of people to make playful jokes and stuff about me- which my socially anxious (slightly autistic??? which i might be because a psychiatrist said so but honestly it kind of sounds like bullshit to me so uh yeah) brain really doesn’t like very much. anyway she promised to me that i’d get to stay home cause they live a good 40 minutes away and i really dont want to deal with that rn bc i just started on new meds and i was already in a depressive episode.

now, she’s making me go and is trying to use the fact that we can go to a cafe for lunch (yay i forgot to mention i also have a developing ed so thats epic 😎 ) and that they have a cat. don’t get me wrong, i love animals, im just not too keen on petting one for a solid 6 hours longer than i was told that we would stay for while my phone’s battery drops down to 2%.

i love my mum. she cares about me, and i understand that i need to be dragged out of the house occasionally. but she broke a promise. i would be fine with just going to a cafe but no of course thats too fucking complicated. at this point as well, she seems to think that its depression that makes me not want to catch up with people but a majority of it is just my anxiety. maybe i just dont like talking to a lot of people because my brain is wired a certain way? maybe its because im a very anxious person? idk just a thought, it’s not like those thoughts have been confirmed by a professional or anything or anything haha (they have)

apparently its normal to get upset about these kinds of things, but bruh-

i cried about a pair of shoes i couldn’t get for other medical reasons for a week once.

what the fuck is wrong with me there are starving children and im mad about having to pet a cat

anyway have a nice day