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2016 so far: Day 39

I’m a temp right now, or at least for today and tomorrow.

It’s been interesting. I fancy myself something like Jennifer Lopez in Monster in Law, although slightly more polished and definitely less carefree. I would like to be that carefree.

But it was nice to get out of the house, and do a little something.

Tonight’s playlist consists of Turnover’s album called Peripheral Vision, because I’m exhausted and introspective. I pulled out a piece of paper and thought the quiet was a chance to write, but no words came to me. I just feel sad about that.

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Forest Park - Portland Oregon

[slovesautumn]

2016 so far: Day 33

Looking for a new job is eating away at my soul. I know I’m better off away from the awful climate I was in, but it’s also near impossible to stay positive during this phase.

Something else is happening also.

I usually go to great lengths to avoid the news. It’s depressing, and it plays on my anxiety and paranoia like nothing else. I project the horror I read or see onto myself, so I had to step away from it as much as I could. But lately, I’ve been enjoying reading articles about certain news items, be it social movements, human rights, or whatever else. 

It’s been nice to think somewhat broadly, and to try to rationalise certain things. I like having an opinion, and being able to engage in conversation. 

I’ve also realised there’s a big part of me that is silently very judgemental, and usually towards women. It’s not something I like about myself, and I’ve noticed I do it more when I’m incredibly unhappy. 

In the last two weeks since I quit my job and have been away from that constant negativity, I’ve found myself being more open to understanding other points of view or choices, and supporting my sex way more than I did before. 

It’s no excuse though, to blame thoughts I have on being unhappy. So I’m consciously saying stop every time I do, although luckily I hardly have in a few weeks.

[slovesautumn]

I am not a blank canvas For you to paint your ideal upon I am not a hollow soul For you to live vicariously through I regret to inform you I have my own agenda

down-the-left-hand-path  (via wnq-writers)

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[slovesautumn]

I have pushed my brain to breaking point today, and I don’t feel satisfied.

All of what I wrote was quite poor, and I just couldn’t properly articulate my thoughts.

Time to sleep and reset for tomorrow.

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[slovesautumn]

I’ll be a stone, I’ll be the hunter

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Rila Fukushima

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by  beth kellmer

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[slovesautumn]

The diversity issue raging at the moment is entirely necessary.

There should be infinitely more opportunities for people of all ethnicities in cinema, and in all sectors.

But I also think film is subjective and I don’t believe the majority of the Academy members vote based on the colour of actors’ skin, but on performance. There are always numerous performances we all think worthy that aren’t nominated. There are definitely worthy actors who have missed out. There always will be and we need to improve, definitely.

But it can’t always be a race issue. It can’t be A performed better, but we must nominate B to avoid a race argument. How is that better?

There needs to be a middle ground and the only way that will ever be is if we continue having these open and brutally honest conversations, and by creating more opportunities in life for talented and capable people.

[slovesautumn]

2016 so far: Day 18

I quit my job today.

This is the happiest I’ve felt in years. 

P.s.. Feel free to email me food coupons etc.

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[slovesautumn]

Identifying slightly with Apocalypse is not good, right? Asking for a friend.

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