slowblinks

[slowblinks]

Dental Offices are Toxic, Part 1

I asked a dental office near me if I could shadow, and though I spent hours watching him drill and fill cavities, the only thing I remembered was him lashing out at his assistant during a filling procedure because she couldn't find the right bur for him.

Through my hours of shadowing, I was able to land my first job at another dental office as a steri tech, and though the office was friendly, the senior doctor also freaked out because the burs were wrong on his tray. He had outbursts from time to time. Slamming counters, unable to control his emotions, scribbling angrily on our task lists. I left the office because I went back to school. After I graduated from school, I wanted to take a gap year to dental assist. A dental office was nice enough to take me in despite my lack of experience and X-ray license. However, they had a toxic worker, another pre-dental student, who was malicious towards me. I tried to say hi to her every morning, but she would ignore me. And during meetings, she would snap at me, make faces, and whisper whenever I would talk. It was like I was being bullied in high school again. And that was the flaw of that dental office. The dentist hired mostly high schoolers to work for him and paid them $16-$19 an hour. One of his best assistants, who was licensed and took her job and the mission of the office very seriously, was only paid $19. Insane. The overall vibe was immature, problematic, and catty. I allowed my hurt feelings to affect my work. I did not have healthy coping mechanisms or knew how to resolve conflict so how that manifested was:

me withdrawing and isolating myself, even crying in private lol

me not being motivated or enthusiastic at work

me taking things way too personally

me dwelling in my feelings

People started to assume I wasn't passionate about dentistry anymore. I was dragging my feet to go to work and calling out a lot. I was let go, and I was feeling extremely low and ashamed of myself. I journaled. Took a breath. And was determined to apply to another dental office and start over.

[slowblinks]

[slowblinks]

Oh god. Years feel like days now. In 2023 and 2024, I can't say I have been productive, but I'm making progress now in my dental journey.

[slowblinks]

My former self would've been so shocked at where I am in my life. I thought I would serve in church forever. I thought I could find community there; a place I can call "home." Turns out, I didn't need any of that. I found real friends and being with them feels more healing than being surrounded by people who just didn't give a fuck about me except my church attendance or my devotion to their g-d.

They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us. (1 John 2:19 )

Truly, I never belonged.

[slowblinks]

Art by Not A Starchild

QUEER PRINCE OF THE LÊ DYNASTY

(Tiếng Việt ở dưới)

Lê Tuân (May 21st, 1482 – September 20th, 1512), also known as Great Prince of Peace or Great Prince of Profound Grace, was an imperial prince of the Later Lê dynasty, the eldest son of Emperor Lê Hiến Tông. He was known for his love of dressing in women’s clothing. Lê Tuân was impudent at a very young age, poisoning his own mother Mai Ngọc Đỉnh, the emperor’s Noble Consort Mai, therefore was deposed of his crown prince position.

In the 7th year of Cảnh Thống Era (1504), Hiến Tông passed away. Grand Empress Dowager Huy Gia wanted to establish Prince Lê Tuân as the successor, but was immediately rejected by the courtiers, who chose Lê Túc Tông. Since then, he harbored resentment, but changed his old ways and became very filial to his mother. Suddenly, Túc Tông died early, and the court was in chaos without an emperor. Consort Nguyễn Kính and the eunuch Nguyễn Nhữ Vi plotted their scheme, deceiving the grand empress dowager out of the capital of Đông Kinh (modern-day Hà Nội), setting Lê Tuân’s second younger brother, Lê Tuấn, as the successor, who later became known as Lê Uy Mục.

Under the reign of Emperor Uy Mục, nepotism was rampant, and the court was in shambles. The emperor himself was bloodthirsty, killing the Grand Empress Dowager for refusing to support his reign. He also blindly killed his servants and his own clanspeople. Because of this, Lê Tuân carefully concealed himself, knowing the danger of his position as the eldest son. At that time, many within the imperial clan were imprisoned or murdered under the claim of suspicion, except for Lê Tuân. Later, Emperor Lê Tương Dực overthrew Uy Mục, reestablishing the Lê family’s golden age.

On September 20th, the 4th year of Hồng Thuận Era (1512), Prince Lê Tuân passed away at the age of 30, was posthumously awarded the title Great Prince of Peace, and buried in his mother’s hometown, Biện Hạ Commune, then deified as God of Fortune. According to legends, this God of Fortune would appear whenever the village encountered disasters, and would later aid in defeating the Mạc dynasty, restoring the capital of Đông Kinh.

There are many theories regarding Lê Tuân dressing in women’s clothing, but there is no denying that he challenged the gender norms of ancient Vietnamese society.

==================

HOÀNG TỬ BONG BÓNG THỜI LÊ

Lê Tuân 黎洵 (ngày 21 tháng 5, 1482 – ngày 20 tháng 9, 1512), còn gọi là An Đại vương 安大王 hay Hậu Trạch đại vương 厚澤大王, là một vị hoàng tử nhà Hậu Lê, con trưởng của Lê Hiến Tông 黎憲宗. Ông có sở thích mặc đồ con gái, tuổi nhỏ ngổ ngáo tính đầu độc mẹ là Mai Quý phi Mai Ngọc Đỉnh 梅貴妃梅玉頂, nên bị Hiến Tông phế ngôi Đông cung.

Năm Cảnh Thống thứ 7 (1504), Hiến Tông qua đời, Huy Gia Thái hoàng thái hậu 徽嘉太皇太后 muốn lập An vương lên kế vị nhưng các quần thần quyết lập Lê Túc Tông 黎肅宗 làm vua. Từ đấy ông có ý oán hận, đổi hết tính xưa, thờ mẹ rất hiếu thảo. Bấy giờ Túc Tông mất sớm, trong triều lục đục chọn người kế vị. Nguyễn Kính phi 阮敬妃 và hoạn quan Nguyễn Nhữ Vi 阮汝為 mưu việc trong cung, lừa thái hoàng thái hậu ra khỏi Đông Kinh, lập em trai thứ của ông là Lê Tuấn 黎濬 lên kế vị, tức Lê Uy Mục 黎威穆.

Dưới đời Uy Mục Đế, ngoại thích hoành hành, chính trị suy đồi. Hoàng đế lại có tính thích giết người, giết chết Thái hoàng thái hậu vì không chịu lập mình, lại giết cung nhân hầu hạ xung quanh, nghe lời xu nịnh tàn sát người tông thất. An vương Tuân tự biết mình là con trưởng, hết sức cẩn thận giấu mình. Lúc đấy người trong họ có người bị giam, có người bị giết, riêng An vương không bị nghi kị. Về sau Hoàng đế Lê Tương Dực 黎襄翼 lật đổ Uy Mục, lập lại sự thịnh trị của họ Lê.

Ngày 20 tháng 9, năm Hồng Thuận thứ 4 (1512), An vương Tuân qua đời, thọ 30 tuổi, được truy tặng làm An Đại vương, an táng ở quê mẹ là xã Biện Hạ, tôn làm Phúc thần 福神. Về sau, Phúc thần đã giúp dân làng khi nhiều lần gặp tai hoạ, và hỗ trợ quan quân đánh bại nhà Mạc mà khôi phục Đông Kinh.

Lê Tuân thích mặc đồ con gái có nhiều giả thuyết, nhưng không thể phủ nhận việc ông đã thách thức tiêu chuẩn giới trong xã hội xưa của Việt Nam.

__________

Tham khảo: vi.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lê_Tuân_(An_vương) Tác giả: Nguyễn Văn Đức

[slowblinks]

The courtesan drum dance at Triều Khúc Village in 2017, where men were dressed as women.

==================

Điệu múa đĩ đánh bồng tại làng Triều Khúc năm 2017, khi đàn ông cải nữ trang.

__________ Nguồn: youtube.com/watch?v=mSbZgaK_0X4&ab_channel=SănCảnhĐẹpQuêHương

[slowblinks]

Art by Not A Starchild

PRINCESS LIỄU HẠNH AND HER GENDER FLUIDITY

(Tiếng Việt ở dưới)

Mediums weren’t the only ones who transcended gender binary; gods were as well. Deities within the Mother Goddess Worship could transform into men or women at will.

The Mother Goddess of Earth ruled the land where people lived as one of the four Holy Mothers of the Four Palaces. According to popular belief, she was Mother Goddess Liễu Hạnh, the supreme deity and the highest god of the Four Palaces pantheon.

Excerpt from Mother Goddess Liễu Hạnh prayer: “Whether as a man or a woman She transforms disasters into blessings, and changes calamities into prosperity.”

Excerpt from Mother Goddess of Sòng Mountain (another reincarnation of Princess Liễu Hạnh): “The Mother Goddess manifests her holiness everywhere, From Nghệ An to the views of Thanh Hoa. In and out of Ngang Hill and Cát Street, As a man or woman, who will ever know?”

==================

CÔNG CHÚA LIỄU HẠNH, VI NAM VI NỮ

Không chỉ các thanh đồng trong Đạo Mẫu 道母 có thể vượt khỏi hệ nhị phân giới, mà thậm chí các vị thánh thần cũng thế. Thần linh trong Đạo Mẫu đều vi nam vi nữ, tức có thể hoá nữ hoặc nam.

Mẫu Địa 母地 là vị Thánh mẫu cai quản miền đất đai nơi con người sinh sống, một trong bốn vị Tứ phủ Thánh mẫu 四府聖母. Quan niệm phổ biến cho rằng Mẫu Liễu Hạnh 母柳杏 chính là Mẫu Địa, đồng thời là Thánh mẫu Thần chủ 聖母神主 của Đạo Mẫu Tứ phủ.

Trích câu cúng Mẫu Liễu Hạnh: “Vi nữ vi nam, chuyển tai đắc phúc cải hoạ vi tường.” （為女為男，轉災得福改禍為祥。）

Trích văn Mẫu Sòng Sơn, tức Mẫu Liễu 母柳: “Mẫu từ đó tới đâu hiển thánh, vào Nghệ An dạo cảnh Thanh Hoa. Đồi Ngang phố Cát vào ra, vi nam vi nữ ai mà biết hay.”

__________ Tham khảo:

youtube.com/watch?v=2dr2IGRCSJg bimson.gov.vn/ct/Default.aspx?ctl=Article&aID=10971 dao-mau.fandom.com/vi/wiki/Mẫu_Địa_Tiên

__________ *Hệ nhị phân giới (gender binary): sự phân loại giới thành hai thái cực đối lập nhau, hoặc là nam, hoặc là nữ, thường theo hệ thống xã hội hoặc theo từng vùng văn hoá ông khác

[slowblinks]

Saraswati by Mahendra Dangol, Nepal

[slowblinks]

Green Tara

[slowblinks]

2023 Lunar New Year!

It's about to be that time of the year! For 2023, the new year lands on Jan 22 but the preparations and traditions start way before that. These are some of the traditions that I am going to do just because I want to be extra and go all out: Jan 14/15: Deep Cleaning! Take out your brooms and sweep in every nook and cranny in your homes to disrupt piles of dust, stagnation, and possibly spirits. Sweep with the intention of dusting bad luck and negatively out your home. Also, between now and NYE, it's a good time to go shopping, buy new clothes (in red), and gifts, and decorate the house!

Decorate your home with red, which is also believed to ward off evil spirits and negativity. My family personally buys a cherry blossom tree every year and will hang red ornaments and decorations which resemble red envelopes. Many people paste on doors red couplets and hand red lanterns. Many would pray to the stove god and leave behind the past. Jan 21: Paying a visit.

Visit old friends, family, and family graves. Personally, I am going to pay extra care to family altars and graves, making sure it's clean and has offerings such as flowers, fruit, and water. Make sure to light incense for them too! You can eat/drink the offerings after the incense is finished burning up or you can just eat it the next day or so. But the most important thing is to let your ancestors eat first. Many people will have a family reunion on this day. Jan 22: Party & Presents! Lighting fireworks and firecrackers are great for scaring away bad spirits. The fireworks and firecrackers usually go off at midnight, in the first few minutes of the new year. The celebrations usually have lion and dragon dances too. Young people will greet adults and get money in red envelopes for good luck. Some single, unemployed adults get red envelopes too.

There are a lot of taboos on these days such as using knives, swearing, and sweeping. Don't wash away hair or clothes or you're going to wash away your fortune. In other words, certain things need to be done BEFORE the new Year. Wear new clothes and have fun!

Foods:

Feb 23-24: Many people offer to the god of wealth

February 27: Throw out garbage stored from the festival! Drive away the ghost of poverty. Get rid of the old and ring in the new. February 29-31: Jade Emperor's Birthday! The Lantern festival We will be wrapping things up and enjoying the lantern festivals. We must let go of the past, grudges, and negativity for good.

There is a lot that I missed but for more info check out these links where I got most of my content from:

[slowblinks]

happy new year. have some tigers i did for a client

kind reminder that commissions and requests are both open!

[slowblinks]

Dang it.

[slowblinks]

vietnamese mythology • liễu hạnh

liễu hạnh is one of the four immortals in vietnamese folk religion and also the leading figure in the group Đạo Mẫu, in which she governs the celestial realm. her group was created by women in the village of van cat, and has been believed to been started by rice farmers in need of land and water.

[slowblinks]

Holiday Calendar

There are so many holidays and it's impossible to list them all but here are a few that I am particularly interested in: (PS. the holidays may fall under different months then what I have here)

January

New years

Sun god's bday

Worship day of Chu Tung

Shung Hsing (homage to the stars)

Jade Emperor bday

Earth god festival

Wen Hsu bday (god of wealth and fortune)

Lantern festival

Festival of Pi Yu (god of money)

February

Bday of Earth spirits

Flower festival

Bday of Lao Tzu

Perfume pagoda festival

March

Spring Equinox

Quan Yin bday

Tet

King Hung bday

Bday of Caishen/Zhao (god of medicine)

April

Cold food festival

Buddha Bday

May

Dragon Boat Festival

Bday of the gods of 5 directions

June

Hau Wong festival/Yudu

Summer Equinox

July

Hungry ghost festival

August

Wukong bday

Qixi festival

September

Mid-autumn festival/ tet trung thu

Bday of King golden dragon

Autumn Equinox

October

Halloween

Chongyang Festival

November

Thanksgiving

Jade emperor celebration

Winter solstice

December

Day of the north star

Christmas

[slowblinks]

♡ Mid-Autumn Festival/Moon Festival ♡

Read more for info on the origins, rituals, and festivities.

Origin A story tied to the Moon Festival is one about Hou Yi and Chang-e. Hou Yi was a part of the Imperial Guard and he shot down 9 of the 10 suns circling around the Earth so that everyone wouldn’t suffer the scorching heat. As a reward he was given an elixir that granted him immortality. His wife Chang-e ended up drinking it, perhaps to prevent robbers from getting a hold on it. She was able to become immortal and ascended to the Moon Palace to live with other moon spirits. More stories tied to the Moon festival can be read here.

Rituals This festival originated from moon worship 3000 years ago. There would be a special ritual done to honor the moon spirits. Offerings included incense, tea, joss paper, and food. The food offerings were often round like the full moon such as mooncake, grapes, oranges, pomegranates, and so on. People often prayed for health, love, beauty, children, and good studies. Celebrations This festival has a similar vibe to Thanksgiving- there is a reunion of families and eating together. Since ancients times, people used this time to be thankful for the harvest and blessings, hence why the moon worship! Nowadays, families still prepare food to remember the fall’s harvest, such as pumpkins, potatoes, and more. Some families keep it simple by just sitting outside, appreciating the moon while eating mooncakes and drinking tea together. In festivals, there would also be beautiful lanterns to illuminate the night. Children would write wishes on them and let it fly in the sky. Overall, it is a magical day of prayers, wishes, mooncakes, and thanksgiving :)

You can read more here.