small-town--r - Tumblr blog

[small-town--r]

He said he wouldn't promise lies.

I wonder if it'll be different this time.

Am I destined for decent or authenticity?

My broken heart can't take anymore;

for it's shattered in fragments of love.

Each piece torn more than the last.

You won't be able to see over the walls

built of trust issues.

Keep this out of my heart nowhere near my soul.

Hold my hand and go with the flow

let's find out where this goes.

R.A.

[small-town--r]

Loneliness travels through my being

slowly as molasses;

until it's becoming all that I am.

I've lived without this feeling

in a earlier present time.

The first my soul has experienced this.

Without assurance of how to cope.

Endless will no companionship be?

The future approaches rapidly,

with the speed of time my life fades.

That's where vision of perception sets

in my mind anyway.

Almost like I'm held captive in a lonely place.

Lost is a part of myself that I fear will never return to who I am.

I've not always felt this as I do today.

Alone.

R.A.

[small-town--r]

While maintaining my purpose you are life.

Struggling to navigate through a often unkind world.

Trying your best relentlessly day after day.

Never judgment, always polite.

From your heart pours strength that'll always get you through.

Caring with consideration you know not any other way.

Easily forgiving without a grudge.

A brain is so very smart, genius at your hobbies.

To hear your laugh is to know joy.

Your face lite up with smiles and happiness gleaming from your soul, breathes life to my existence.

I admire the way you view this world with positivity.

You gift inspiration to others.

To be in your presence is to live and feel alive.

A rare precious gem throughout society.

Through you I've witnessed a true angel.

Genuine to your very core.

Autism has been difficult yet more times than not beautiful.

You taught me how to love with patience while bringing joy to my life.

More than deserving of an entire universe.

Words can't describe you exquisitely enough.

Autism is the diagnosis

You are everything that means anything to me.

I'm blessed God saw fit for me to be your mom.

I'll be supportive of everything that your heart desires.

I'll forever be rooting for you to win.

I'm internally indebted to you for the life you give me.

Unconditional is my love for you.

My breath

My life

My world

My son

R.A.

[small-town--r]

People say I'm hanging on by a thread. No one says what happens next. So there's only one of two things that can happen. The thread can break. You can hang on to the thread while the weight of the unkind world keeps piling. Causing the thread to become weaker and weaker with every added weight. Day after day, week after week and so on of the hanging heaviness, would it finally break?

I said one of two things could happen, so here's the opposite scenario.

The one hanging by the thread could be lifted up with hope, love, compassion and understanding. People and friends that are cheering for them to win in life. Speaking blessing out of their kind hearts. That kind of uplifting would take the strain off the thread leaving no chance to break.

When or if you see someone hanging on by a thread: be the one who does the uplifting, the one that takes the strain off.

Peace and Love

R.A.

426

[small-town--r]

Haven't written in a good while.

Times are often that bring overwhelming emotions.

Strung with anxiety or depression.

Other days flying high on life.

I can't find the in-between.

Either numb to the stress of life or drenched in it.

Mornings choose which one I wear that day.

Wake up feeling happy or sad is cliche to say.

The day goes on just the same.

An outlet for everything that's ever happened; is my writings.

It's what works for me to let the past fade in-between the the flashing cursor and these bleak lines.

One day I can feel the healing, the next I struggle to find it.

Either way I'm here today and that's what matters most.

R.A.

[small-town--r]

I reach out too much. No one reaches out to me. Its time I change that. I've included people in my life for years and they never include me or my son.

“I want deeper connections with the people around me. I need to reach out more. Because not everyone leaves. Sometimes if you reach out, the person you’re trying to reach will be right there waiting.”

— Susane Colasanti, So Much Closer

[small-town--r]

Void the world is of compassion, selflessness, understanding, and caring.

Times a person needs guidance

or encouragement, look around to find no one is there.

That matters also effects the soul.

One can be destroyed or uplifted

by how others treat them.

Speak gently with understanding.

Realize a toxic behavior that you might not have known in yourself.

Ree correct and redirect yourself in such a manner that speaks life into the very souls of people.

Speak with positive affirmations.

The world could truly transform to environments of love and kindness.

Let's speak life not death to one another as be willing to forgive.

R.A.

[small-town--r]

I let go of the past releasing bitterness that damn near consumed me.

Swallowing me whole.

Tossed around in the sea of why me.

Reliving the past in my mind everyday

became so heavy with sadness.

I've never learned how to let go easily.

My mind slowed down some yesterday allowing me to enjoy the now.

I've read others stories about letting the past go.

Perhaps I never thought of it that way.

I'm going to give it a try.

No more talking to myself, no more crying, no more pondering on things that have come and gone.

No more worrying about things I cannot control or how people's attitudes are, nor how they choose to live their life.

I've always been a people pleaser and thats exhausting in itself.

Only to find out people find fault no matter what.

I've never fretted over my own happiness.

As this will be new to me as well.

I came to the realization that we all have only one life to live.

I need to live mine for today, myself, and my son.

God please help me do so.

Done with holding on to the cruel past that's has haunted me for so long.

I swear it like to drove me crazy.

Just three simple words of let it go saved me.

Feeling hopeful about today, tomorrow, and every day here on out.

Life can blissful, full of love maybe even a peaceful calm in my mind.

I've realized the things I sit and ponder on

determine my outlook on the rest of my life.

Trying to tame my mind a bit, I hate how it races and never seems to slow.

I guess one could say a work in progress.

I don't know the approach I'll take, maybe I'll read about how to recover from abuse.

No one has never talked about it or told me.

That's another thing I'm trying to learn to navigate, no shoulder to learn on.

No one to talk about the day with or how pretty the sky is.

I've heard recovering addicts say take one day at a time, some say minute by minute.

That will be new to me as I've always worried about tomorrow.

Never really lived for today until today.

Peace and love for you and for me.

R.A.

[small-town--r]

I found myself today, the me I know and love to be.

The me that had been lost and tossed in a deep depression.

Everything was enhanced today.

Encouraging songs on the radio gave me hope.

The sky was brighter, my mind was at peace.

Anxiety at bay, mood swings at a stand still.

My thoughts are clear and full of hope.

I feel alive, even the air smells fresh.

No one knows I was lost for years with no hope in sight, misunderstanding of who I am.

A spark of life lit my soul today.

I am me, the one I desire to be.

Peace and Love.

R.A.

[small-town--r]

Dear Life.

I feel like the person I am and I want to be doesn't need drama everyday. Reliving my past everyday because people won't let it go. They want to bring it up to me everyday. It's taking a toll on my mental health. It's hard to heal from the past when people won't let you live it down. Staying worried all the time, forgetful, nerves on edge, belittled, told I have problems and I'm the worst. I shouldn't have to put up with that everyday I live. All I want is peace and quiet, a positive support system, my son to be in good health, happy and see me happy, instead of depressed because the person I live beside will not leave me alone.

I'm sitting outside tonight enjoying the peace of the quiet. I feel like I can be myself and not have to people please because I don't want to say anything wrong. I sit here away from all that and it feels good. I feel happy, positive about life, encouraged to be a better person, and the happy me that loves to make people smile, be good to people, make someone laugh, see those around me happy and positive about life. Winning, not being drug down or mistreated and abused by others. I want to see people living their best life. The peacefulness I feel right now is what I've been lacking for many years. Being around negative people all day everyday is exhausing me.

Sincerely myself,

Renee

P.S. Peace and Love to everyone.

[small-town--r]

It's my 5 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[small-town--r]

Anxiety makes a home in my head,

never ending, never ceasing.

Rapidly planting roots of the unknown

that cause worry.

There's no answer of why I am this way.

P.T.S.D. holds me captive which I despise.

Why is the world so cruel when all I want to do is live peacefully.

No thoughts, no flashbacks

just peace in my mind.

R.A.

[small-town--r]

The chaos of others have hovered over me far too long.

Keeping me longer than I wanna stay.

Taking my mind into their world of misery.

Drowning me in distress.

I don't want to be irritable in my home;

nor ranting and raving out loud.

I'll no longer engage someone else's unpleasant gossip.

Take my life back to a peaceful happiness where love abound.

R.A.

[small-town--r]

As I get older I'm realizing life is what I make of it. Distance myself from negativity and the drama it creates. Choose not to take part in other people's unhappiness. Our attitude becomes what we surround ourselves with. I wanna love people, help them, see them, win and be happy for them. We only have one life to live and I wanna live mine as happy as I can be, and raise my son in a peaceful environment. I'm done with being irritable and upset because of what someone said or done. I make mistakes and gossip, but I can strive to do better. I can choose this day to be better than I was yesterday.

Peace and love y'all ❤️

R.A.

418

[small-town--r]

Haven't star gazed or admired

moonlight as I did at the lost place,

where a portion of my being remains until this day.

Occasionally grief floods every beat of my heart with memories of the house I'll always love.

Memories and visions of my flower-beds and weeping cherry tree.

Smells of the freshly cut lawn that sat on two point five acres.

The driveway entrance of wooden fence posts that enhanced the brick columns we painted every summer.

A beautifully decorated sunflower kitchen where I cooked from my heart.

I feel as if a part of me has been taken away, never to return.

I swear I died there, I'm no longer the person I was.

All while trying to figure out who I am.

In those days the lingering happiness I lived was sadly the calm before the storm; where my life came crashing to the very foundation.

R.A.

[small-town--r]

There will come a day that'll be my last day.

Achievements, success, failure, sin, rejection, acceptance, good deeds, wrong doings, the ups and downs; and everything between will wither away.

My body will fade in the dust of the earth.

My heart will beat one last beat.

My lungs will fill with oxygen for the last time.

All that'll be left is a memory of me.

The flowers I've planted will remain alive, kind of like a piece of me.

Dieing is a part of living.

Some people believe in an after life, some believe in Heaven.

And some believe in reincarnation.

Will those believes come to pass?

Be handed down as a traditional way of believing.

Maybe the ones who believe in the after life, will have one.

Maybe the ones who believe in Heaven, will go to Heaven.

So is that to say we are what we believe?

Could it be possible to pass over to reincarnation?

I don't not know what the end will be nor do I know how it'll feel.

With that being said,

I'll cherish everyday I'm given.

And live life with a desire to be happy.

A desire to count my blessings,

A desire to have faith,

A desire to love and be loved.

R.A.

[small-town--r]

The time we spent together last night

lingers on my mind today.

I anticipate seeing you again,

feeling you again.

If all we ever entangle is the once,

I'll ponder the sensation you left.

How happy I was for a few moments while you were inside me.

A muse you've became for my emotions to flow between the lines of my writings.

I don't write much these days.

So be it that this poem is about the sex we had.

At least I'm feeling something besides void.

My hopes that you'll return are many.

I'll l remember you like you've tattooed my being by the seduction of your touch.

R.A.