snarkformysanity

[snarkformysanity]

House of Sky and Breath Chapters 2-3

Oh. And would you look at that. After making us read through all the tedious fuckery of waiting for the show to start, we don't even get to see the ballet! No, instead, we cut to Hunt and Bryce after it's finished, going to some sort of gathering at Ruhn's place.

We hear some tedious and unimportant filler about the logistics of their travel from the theatre, and then learn that everyone around the Old Square is partying, apparently. We get a bunch of epithets all at once, and the crowd parting around them both, in case we forgot how scary Hunt is since the last book. Given how little of substance he did despite the book's preening, can you blame us?

Oh, Hunt is hot, btw. In case we forgot that since last chapter.

They find Ruhn and his friends playing some sort of party game, which Ruhn has apparently won.

Bryce reached a hand for Hunt, fingers grazing his downy soft wings. He went rigid, twisting to look at her. Angels’ wings were highly sensitive. She might as well have grabbed him by the balls.

Yes, thank you for reminding me of this ludicrous tidbit, Bryce. I just wish you'd remember it a bit more consistently. The opening line to the chapter, for instance, was this:

Bryce tried not to shiver with delight when Hunt knocked her with a wing while they walked up the sagging stairs to Ruhn’s house.

But there was no mention at all that he was basically slapping his dick against you.

Anyway, she goes to say hi to Ruhn. The primary purpose of this interaction seems to be to introduce us to a leopard shifter named Marc, who is dating Declan and who Bryce allows to call her princess for some reason. They talk a bit about how awesome the ballet was. *sighs* I'd have much rather seen the ballet than listen to pointless smalltalk. Alas.

And that's the end of that scene.

Bryce waved again, and she was off. Without Hunt’s imposing form, far fewer people turned her way.

Huh. I'd have thought the absence of Hunt's imposing form would mean that more people would look at her, given he's so scary and all. Apparently not. Here's a thought Bryce - if you don't want people staring, maybe just ditch Hunt? Since apparently he's what they're actually staring at.

Bryce goes to talk to Fury and Juniper. They don't say anything of substance, just repeating what we already know about the state of Bryce and Hunt's relationship and reminding us that they're together.

Bryce didn’t know what the Hel she was to Hunt. Girlfriend seemed ridiculous when talking about Hunt fucking Athalar. As if Hunt would ever do anything as normal and casual as dating.

No? What does he do instead, then? Move into their apartment and claim it as his own?

That familiar buzz of power and maleness that was Hunt filled the air behind her

I'm sorry. But whenever the book talks about things like a "buzz of maleness," all I can think about is like, teenage boy room stink. It's really not sexy.

They banter a bit about calling Bryce princess (apparently only Marc gets to do this), before we POV switch to Hunt. Again, I'm surprised the book held out this long. He's watching Bryce.

He was a stupid fucking animal.

He's being curiously self-aware.

He's also mostly just recapping again what we already fucking know about the state of their relationship. Yes, we know they're waiting for solstice. Get on with it.

Allowing herself to be with him, to be happy … She needed time to sort it out. And Hunt would give it to her. Anything Bryce wanted, anything she needed, he’d gladly give it to her. He had the freedom to do so now, thanks to the branded-out tattoo on his wrist.

Oh book. Please don't try and play off Hunt's dickery as being because of the tattoo. It had nothing to do with that and everything to do with him being actual pond scum.

Anyway, it becomes apparent why we needed to shift into Hunt's head, because Bryce comes over to him and starts talking about her conflicting emotions concerning the party, how she wants to feel normal and have fun but is feeling all twisted up because of the events of last book and such, and obviously it would have been far too interesting to read about this conflict from her own point of view. Hunt, of course, takes the opportunity to remind us that he masturbates while thinking about Bryce. God, I wish this shit would die in a fire.

Bryce nodded, her mind clearly still on the conversation at hand.

It always makes me lol how off-track Hunt gets in his own head, to the point that it's noteworthy to him that his conversation partner is actually still having the conversation. Stupid fucking animal, indeed.

Anyway, Bryce talks about how she worries that she's enjoying things too much, and how a disaster might come and take it all away, which prompts Hunt to recap to us about some of his angst points from last book. Because of course it does. Nevermind about Bryce's current angst, no. We might forget who the real protagonist is otherwise.

Then, Hunt gets an email from Isaiah, telling him that new archangels have been chosen to replace Micah and Sandriel.

Her eyes widened. “Who? How bad are they?”[...two line breaks later] “They’re not bad,” Hunt said, staring blankly at the revelers now gathering around a Fae male doing a keg stand in the corner. “That’s the problem.”

......I fail to see how that's a problem?

Bryce’s brows bunched as she scanned the email. “Ephraim—he currently shares Rodinia with Jakob. Yeah, he seems decent enough. But he’s going to northern Pangera. Who … Oh. Who the Hel is Celestina?”

I don't know, but she's probably evil, seeing as she's a woman in a position of power in a Maas book.

Hunt tells us that she's only ever been in charge of some tiny nowhere territory, and theorises that she's a puppet of the Asteri. Bryce says well, maybe it's just a good thing and we don't trust it, because trauma? Ah, it's hard to blame Bryce for trying to be optimistic. She doesn't know she's in a Maas book.

Hunt grunted his agreement, though he still had a fucking knot in his chest. “Celestina could make life very difficult for us.” Bryce held up a hand. Starlight radiated, turning her skin iridescent. A drunk asshole nearby let out an ooooooh. Bryce ignored him and said, “I’d like to see her try. I’m the Super Powerful and Special Magic Starborn Princess, remember?” He knew she was joking, but her mouth thinned. “I’ll protect you.” “How could I forget, oh Magically Powerful and Super Special … whatever you said.”

You were only missing two words, Hunt. The operative words.

Hunt recaps how Bryce got her power to us, again, in case we forgot. I'm sure the book will do something new eventually. It's got to, right? Right?

Hunt still had trouble fathoming that the female standing beside him had become more powerful than the Autumn King. Hunt’s power technically still outranked hers

But of course. Can't have the girl be stronger than you. That's a YA/NA faux pas of the highest order. He even tries to convince us that the Autumn King will try to kill her out of jealousy or something, presumably to justify continued douchebaggery in the name of protecting her.

Anyway, they and Fury and Juniper start to posit over why the Asteri might have appointed this Celestina. Hunt reminds us that there was a vague mystery about Fury's house last book. Is she a thunderbird, then? Is it actually relevant to anything?

Bryce’s face paled at the bastard’s [Micah's] name. Hunt repressed the urge to fold a wing around her.

Fold your dick around her, you mean. You made the parallel this very chapter, book.

He hadn’t told her of his own nightmares—of being forced to watch, over and over, as Micah brutalized her. And the nightmares of how she’d raced through the streets, demons from Hel’s darkest pits swarming her. Of brimstone missiles shooting for her in the Old Square.

No. I, too, have nightmares about being forced to watch Hunt watch Bryce, instead of getting to hang out with Bryce where the action was actually happening.

They joke about Hunt being an Approachable Asshole vs a Scary Asshole, and then he knocks his dick wing against her for a second time to close the chapter.

Chapter 3 is very short, and starts with Ruhn's POV. It depresses me immensely that I have to say "starts" even on such a short chapter, because this book does not understand how POVs are supposed to work at all.

Ruhn Danaan knew three things with absolute certainty: 1. He had smoked so much mirthroot that he couldn’t feel his face. Which was a damn shame because there was a female currently sitting on it. 2. He had downed an obscene amount of whiskey, because he had no idea what the female’s name was, or how they’d gotten to his bedroom, or how he’d wound up with his tongue between her legs. 3. He really fucking loved his life. At least … right now.

No, they really are listed out like that in the book itself. Fucking hell. At least when Twilight borked this up, it was novel.

Anyway, Ruhn is giving a faun oral, as you've probably gathered. This then segues into him reminding us that he's betrothed to the witch queen Hypaxia, again, in case we forgot. He decides that it's not cheating though, because he doesn't want the marriage and no vows of fidelity have yet been sworn. Fair enough.

He's about to offer the faun his dick when suddenly, Tristan bursts in!

“Get downstairs,” Flynn said, his usually golden-brown skin pale. Gone was any hint of drunken revelry.

Yeah, I don't think it works that way, book. Drugs and alcohol don't just vanish from your system because you want them to.

Well, Tristan ignores me, and tells Ruhn to bring his fancy starsword. Book. Book, Ruhn literally just told us that 1. he'd smoked so much weed he couldn't feel his face and 2. he'd downed an obscene amount of whiskey. Your words, not mine. He's in no fit state to be swinging sharp objects around.

Apparently, Declan invented a fancy new security system for the house, and it's detected "something." Something that was like a storm circling and surveying the house, or something. I don't know. The book tries to pretend that Ruhn doesn't just shrug off the drugs by mentioning them once or twice in descriptions, but it's fooling no one. It's not actually stopping him from doing anything. You're just making us read extra words about it.

And then... a portal to hell opens in his front door?

Ruhn drew his sword as he leapt down the rest of the stairs, managing to land gracefully on the other side of his sister.

See? It's not stopping him from doing anything. Only this book could turn fucking drugs into an excuse to pad the word count.

A figure stalked from the darkness in the doorway. Straight out of Hel. And in that moment, Ruhn knew three more things.

Book. It wasn't fucking clever the first time. It's not going to be any more so the second.

1. He wasn’t looking at a portal to Hel after all. Shadows swirled there instead. Familiar, whispering shadows. 2. It wasn’t just the glow stick coiled around Bryce’s arm that was shining. The star-shaped scar beneath her T-shirt blazed with iridescent light. 3. As a familiar golden-haired Fae male strode from those shadows and into the foyer, Ruhn knew his night was about to take a turn for the worse.

But, we're going to have to wait until next time to find out who it is. Of course.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Sky and Breath Chapter 1

We start the book proper with Part I: The Chasm. So it's still doing that thing where it names the parts after its very uninspired names for the layers of hell. Cool. Because that was so very meaningful last time around.

We open with Bryce, who is at the theatre to see a ballet in which Juniper is starring. Some shifters are staring at her, and apparently a lot of people have been doing that lately, given that she saved the city and all.

Scores had been dead by the time her firstlight erupted through Lunathion. Hunt had been lucky, had been taking his last breaths, when the firstlight saved him.

Ugh, don't remind me.

Anyway, it seems she's... going to the ballet with her parents? And not Hunt???????

...Randall pointed casually to a broad frieze behind them. “That one reminds me of Athalar.”

But god forbid we be free of him, even though he's not here. Ergh. Maybe I'm not ready to tackle this book yet.

On [the frieze], a powerful Fae male stood poised above an anvil

Fucking hell, it's not even an angel in the picture! Don't hurt yourself with all that reaching, book. Or maybe Maas-verse fairies and Maas-verse angels are so similar even the characters in the book think they're interchangeable.

Bryce sends a picture of it to Hunt, so she can remind us about the thing they do where they change each others' names in their phones, and then she and her parents look at some of the art pieces. All very filler-y thus far. Bryce does hint at some Trauma concerning the demon attack, though. I suppose that'll be her flavour of depression for this book.

Bryce and her mum argue about her job for a while. Apparently Bryce is no longer working for Jesiba, and is instead working for the Fae Archives, which mum is Not Happy about.

“I just don’t get why you couldn’t work something out with Jesiba. She’s still got that warehouse—surely she needs help with whatever she does there.”

I feel like the problem is more that Jesiba was hoarding banned books and hiding them from the government and thus is probably now on the run, but sure, whatever, mum.

Oh. Apparently the Asteri didn't find out about the books despite them being broadcast directly into the meeting room. Sure. Whatever. There's only so much I can rage about this early in the piece.

Bryce reminds us about her star power and her star-shaped scar that manifested after it (which she's wearing out on display despite insisting she doesn't want to be the fae princess. Idek). Then her mother moves from harping on her job to harping on her relationship with Hunt. Oh joy.

“You’re together but not together,” Ember said bluntly. “What’s that about?”

Don't know, don't care. I'm just huffing the copium and imagining this is setup for another Tamlin situation.

Ugh, Hunt is coming here, he just hasn't arrived yet. Kill me.

Bryce reminds us again that people stare at her, because it's never too early for the book to repeat itself. We also get a reminder about the purple unicorn from last book. You know. The one Hunt thought was a dildo. I don't know guys, there's a whole lot of not much happening here. She's just making small talk with her parents while they wait to go into the theatre. Fucking interminable.

Anyway, they do eventually make it inside. We then get treated to the thrilling ride of waiting for the show to start. I'm still waiting for the book to start.

And considering that many of the bejeweled and shining nobility were staring at Bryce, it was a miracle Ember hadn’t flipped them off yet.

Or maybe Ember's just an adult, with adult priorities and understanding of how the world works, and thinks flipping them off is a smidge immature?

And then, the moment we've all been waiting for. Hunt arrives.

Bryce had developed a keen awareness of Hunt’s presence, like scenting lightning on the wind. He had only to enter a room and she’d know if he was there by that surge of power in her body. Like her magic, her very blood answered to his.

God, please don't make them some trite flavour of Destined To Be Together. The mates shit is bad enough.

Hunt smirked knowingly, but nodded to Randall. “You clean up good, man. Sorry I’m late.”

.......is that really the sort of thing you say to your girlfriend's father?

We're assured that both he and Bryce are still hot and reinforce a few archetype tropes, and are also reminded that both Hunt's Jesus tattoo and slave tattoo are gone.

A satyr comes into the theatre box with a drink he says is from Juniper. Bryce goes to drink it.

Hunt halted her with a gentle hand on her wrist.[...] Arching a brow, she waited until the server had left before asking, “You want to make a toast?” Hunt reached into an inner pocket of his suit and pulled out a small container of mints. Or what seemed like mints. She barely had time to react before he plopped a white pill into her glass.

.........I mean, most date rapists are usually subtle about the drugging.

But, as you've probably guessed, Hunt isn't drugging her, but is instead testing for drugs. Apparently the pill he dropped in will turn green if it's drugged or poisoned. Really? For every possible drug or poison that could be in there? You know alcohol itself is technically both a drug and a poison, right?

I mean, I don't disagree with the sentiment. Never accept drinks from strangers, even if they claim a friend sent it. But still.

Anyway, it's not poisoned, and Bryce drinks it.

The golden sconces and dangling starburst chandeliers dimmed twice in a five-minute warning, and Bryce and Hunt took their seats behind her parents. From this angle, she could barely make out Fury in the front row.

.....the lights dimmed as a five minute warning? They usually go down right before the show starts, and that's people's cue to shut up. But no, we can't have that, we've got endure another five (book) minutes of pointless fucking smalltalk.

This time, the small talk is about Fury and Juniper, and the book spends a page reminding us that they're an item and also Bryce and Fury have beef but it's all good now, etc. All culminating in Bryce's mum once again trying to force the Bryce/Hunt ship.

Bryce slouched down in her seat, lifting her playbill to block her red-hot face. Why weren’t the lights dimming yet?

They just dimmed, twice, apparently. Don't blame me that the book doesn't seem to understand when they should be dimming.

Bryce scowled at the arrogance and amusement in [Hunt's] tone, throwing her playbill into her lap as she declared, “Tonight’s a big deal for June. Try not to ruin it with nonsensical banter.”

Yeah, book. Don't ruin it with nonsensical banter. God, if only.

Bryce looks out over the crowd and namedrops some people who will probably be important later (but who knows, with this book), and then she and Hunt banter for a bit, mostly to let us know that they aren't sleeping together yet. People are staring at Bryce (again).

She admitted, “I wish she’d gotten us seats in the nosebleed section.” Instead, Juniper—to accommodate Hunt’s wings—had gotten them this box. Right where everyone could see the Starborn Princess and the Fallen Angel.

I mentioned last book that there's just a bit of a weird vibe about "wing accommodations" in both these books and ACOTAR. What, can regular angels just not go to the theatre unless they can afford a box? A quip Hunt made earlier indicated that people didn't like sitting behind other people with wings, but the nosebleeds would fix that problem just as well as anything. Or a steeper angle on the theatre seats. One of the theatres I work at would be steep enough that wings wouldn't be a problem in any seats, I reckon. We have the technology. Presumably, a society full of winged people would too.

See, I think the book is going for brownie points by trying to draw a parallel with disability (in needing accommodations) without having to show any actual disabled people. Kinda skeevy, not gonna lie. And even then, the parallel begins and ends with the word "accommodations." Disabled people in our real world, while they're definitely around, aren't really "common" in the same way winged people are in the book's world. And while our disabled people have been discriminated against to varying extents throughout history, absolutely nothing suggests winged people suffer the same way in the book's world. In fact, the archangels and such hold positions of power within society, and presumably have done so for a long time.

But, because of how disability works in our world, the word "accommodations" automatically creates that parallel, including the parallel that whoever is making the accommodation is just such a good and inclusive person for doing so. In short: shut up, book. You get no brownie points from me until I see an actual disabled person (who is written well and thoughtfully, of course. I won't hold my breath).

The lights began dimming, so Bryce decided to Hel with it. “When do I get to count those abs, Athalar?”

The lights began dimming (for the third time), signalling the show is about to start, but Bryce decides to ignore the fact that we've been waiting for this all fucking chapter to flirt with Hunt instead. Have I mentioned yet how interminable this shit is? It's driving me nuts.

He murmured, “Four more months, Quinlan.” “And three days,” she shot back.

....okay? Do they have a countdown to having sex or...?

Well, looks like it. They've decided to wait until winter solstice, so they can spend some time getting to know each other without the pressure of the investigation. Cool. The first mature thing I've seen in their relationship. But really, it wasn't the investigation that was the problem with it. It was Hunt's relentless douchebaggery.

The book spends a few paragraphs trying to assure us that their relationship is actually the cutest thing ever, and then the star on Bryce's chest starts glowing in the now-dim theatre. Does beg the question of why she wore a dress that displays it if she doesn't want people looking at it, but whatever.

Bryce cupped both hands over the star, which had taken to glowing at the worst fucking times—this was merely the most mortifying.

And apparently it's not even the first time this has happened! I don't know what to tell you, Bryce. You've lost a few brain cells since the last book, it seems. I can only assume Hunt's miasma of stupidity has infected you, too.

Well, Hunt gropes her, and uses his hand to block the light. He even jokes about feeling her up, so the book knows exactly what it looks like. It just doesn't care. Or thinks groping is funny, idk.

Hunt didn’t move his hand. “We’re used to the staring. Right, Quinlan?” He flashed Ember a grin. “They won’t fuck with us.” An edge laced his smile, a reminder to anyone watching that he wasn’t only Hunt Athalar, he was also the Umbra Mortis. The Shadow of Death. He’d earned that name.

It begins. I'm surprised we went that long without an epithet, honestly. Fucking kill me.

[Bryce] sipped from her champagne, then said casually to Hunt, “The headline on the gossip sites tomorrow is going to be: Horndog Umbra Mortis Gropes Starborn Princess at Ballet.” “Good,” Hunt murmured. “It’ll improve my standing in the 33rd.”

..................I mean. Do I need to say how gross this is? It'll "improve his standing?" Really? Even if you argue that the 33rd would know that it was consensual groping, it's still that gross af stereotype where the guy is seen as cooler if he's getting laid.

And then, the curtain lifts... and that's the end of the chapter. What, did you think we'd get to see the performance in this chapter? Pffffft, what book do you think we're reading? As if! Gotta pad that word count out somehow.

Just to put it into context, the grand total of plot progression we've had so far this chapter: Bryce and her parents waited in the theatre foyer for the doors to open, then sat down and waited for the show. Hunt arrived at some point. That's it. That's literally it. Setting a blistering pace for yourself, aren't you, book?

[snarkformysanity]

Twilight Chapter 12

Last time, Billy and Jacob Black showed up at Bella's house, and saw her with Edward! Dun dun dun! And then Charlie came home. They all banter for a bit before going inside, no harm done. There's some sort of sportsball game on that the fellas are going to watch, and Bella, as the woman of the house, is going to make the food.

The grilled cheese sandwiches were in the frying pan

You're grilling cheese in the... frying pan? And not in, you know, a grill? Or a jaffle-iron? I thought this only happened in the sims?

.........okay, google is being really inconclusive, but there are a disturbing number of people who seem to thinking grilling cheese in a frying pan is normal. Seems like it might have been a US vs Rest of World thing, but people are converting. I... don't know what to make of this. It seems like an alarming number of extra steps for fucking grilled cheese. Moving on.

Jacob comes to talk to Bella in the kitchen. He's wondering why Bella wasn't driving her truck (since he/his dad worked on it and he's worried there's something wrong with it), and apparently he also doesn't know who Edward is. But, Bella tells him. And... seems Jacob is chill with it. Even more conveniently, Charlie and Billy argued over the Cullens last time they spoke, so odds are, Billy won't even bring it up with him. How very fortunate for Bella.

The game ends, Billy and Jacob leave... yeah. Not much really happens here.

Next morning, Bella is excited because Edward will once again be picking her up for school.

I couldn’t imagine how an angel could be any more glorious. There was nothing about him that could be improved upon.

I mean. I can think of a few things. But what do I know, right?

Most of the schoolday is skipped, and we cut to Edward and Bella in the cafeteria, presumably at lunch. Edward tells her he's leaving with Alice after lunch.

"...We’ll go get your truck and leave it here for you.” “I don’t have my key with me,” I sighed. “I really don’t mind walking.” What I minded was losing my time with him. He shook his head. “Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition—unless you’re afraid someone might steal it.” He laughed at the thought. “All right,” I agreed, pursing my lips.

Oh, don't worry, the book realises he's planning to break into her house. But Bella apparently isn't concerned about that, just that she left the key in the pocket of her jeans which are now buried under the washing pile, or something. Yes, she's really not batting an eye at Edward admitting he'd planning to rob her. Not her place to question him, after all.

He seemed to feel the challenge in my consent.

..................................I mean, do I even need to say anything?

Edward makes one last-ditch effort to convince her he's dangerous and she should totally cancel the weekend trip, but obviously she doesn't, so they hash out the details of the trip.

“The same time as usual, then,” he decided. “Will Charlie be there?” “No, he’s fishing tomorrow.” I beamed at the memory of how conveniently things had worked out.

Hmm. Yes. Very convenient. Can't have any actual conflict in the book, after all.

This is actually a pretty common problem in YA, where the books seems to be allergic to actual conflict and have all the non-romance plotlines neatly wrapped up and removed from where they might get in the way of kissy times. Even series that are (allegedly) less about the romance, like the Hunger Games - we still end up with scenarios where every single sponsor in the Capital is a shipping-crazed fangirl who wants nothing more than to see their OTP kiss on screen and won't send them shit if they don't. Contrived af.

His voice turned sharp. “And if you don’t come home, what will [Charlie] think?”

To me, it's a red flag. To you, it's a red flag. But Bella must be fucking colourblind, because she just makes a tepid joke about her clumsiness like it's nbd that he's basically threatening to kidnap/murder her.

They change the subject to talk about the other Cullens and how bewildered they are that Edward likes Bella so much, which segues into Bella showing off how relatable she is with her low self-esteem and Edward hurrying to assure her that she's the most fascinating person on the planet. Or, well, he tries.

“But there’s more . . . and it’s not so easy to put into words—”

That's because it doesn't exist, Edward. You are talking to the blankest of all blank slate characters.

And then, Rosalie, our designated Mean Girl, glares at Bella from across the cafeteria. Until Edward hisses at her to stop, that is.

“I’m sorry about that. She’s just worried. You see . . . it’s dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly . . .” He looked down. “If?” “If this ends . . . badly.”

Yeah, people are probably going to ask questions if she turns up murdered. Funny, that. Also, er. If the guy's sister seems to be worried that he'll murder you, maybe pay attention to that? I mean, Rosalie's a bitch for being more concerned about what will happen to them than to the murdered human, but then, she's a vampire, and human lives probably start to mean less when you've seen so many come and go. It doesn't make it okay, but I can see where it comes from. No excuse to ignore the warning, though.

I realized slowly that his words should frighten me. I waited for that fear to come, but all I could seem to feel was an ache for his pain.

If your boyfriend's words should frighten you, that is really, really, really not something you should ignore just because he's got some man-pain to go along with it. I guarantee, most of the abusive sorts probably do. You don't really become an abusive ass without some shit happening to you. Well, most of the time, exceptions apply, obviously. But the point still stands - doesn't matter if he's sad, if he's threatening to fucking kill you, get out of there.

She doesn't leave, though, and then, Alice arrives! But she just asks Edward if he's ready to go and then leaves again. Bye, Alice. Edward mocks Bella a bit, then leaves as well.

I was sorely tempted to ditch the rest of the day, at the very least Gym, but a warning instinct stopped me. I knew that if I disappeared now, Mike and others would assume I was with Edward. And Edward was worried about the time we’d spent together publicly . . . if things went wrong. I refused to dwell on the last thought, concentrating instead on making things safer for him.

............................................she's literally focusing on making it easier for him to get away with murdering her. There are no words. None at all. This is right up there with everyone telling Bryce it's her responsibility to fuck Hunt into not behaving like an animal in House of Sky and Breath.

Our relationship couldn’t continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife. We would fall off one edge or the other, depending entirely upon his decision, or his instincts. My decision was made, made before I’d ever consciously chosen, and I was committed to seeing it through.

Because of course it's all up to the guy. The girl doesn't even get to consciously choose, all her decisions are made for her by the author-god.

Bella summarises the rest of her day for us. For some reason, she tells Mike she cancelled her Seattle trip. Why she does this, I'm not sure, but whatever. Probably because the book wants him to be jealous of Edward some more.

Following the same instinct that had prompted me to lie to Mike, I called Jessica on the pretense of wishing her luck at the dance. When she offered the same wish for my day with Edward, I told her about the cancellation. She was more disappointed than really necessary for a third-party observer to be. I said goodbye quickly after that.

Okay, leaving aside that Edward is an abusive ass, because maybe Jessica doesn't know that...... why is it so weird that she's disappointed on her friend's behalf that her day with the guy she liked was cancelled? I mean, I know Bella (and YA in general) doesn't understand how friends work, but still.

She even tells Charlie that she's not going to Seattle........... okay, while I don't approve of her lying to him in the first place, why the hell would she tell him at this point? Maybe her subconscious is desperately trying to leave clues that something's up for when Edward inevitably murders her.

I fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain, and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve. I had to keep reminding myself that I’d made my choice, and I wasn’t going back on it.

Seriously, if you're this uncertain about something, particularly when it concerns being alone with a guy who has straight-up said he'd kill you, it's okay to cancel. Really. Listen to your gut. Like, yeah, flaking sucks and all that, but in this situation? 100% okay. A guy who's a decent person probably wouldn't put you in this situation in the first place, but if he did, he'd understand if you explained it to him and make sure not to make you so uncomfortable in the future. A guy who is not a decent person will probably crack the shits about it, in which case it's just as well you cancelled on him and can now see about removing him from your life.

And then Bella decides she's too excited/nervous/terrified to sleep, and takes some cold medicine to knock herself out. Guys, don't do this. Seriously. Use medicines only as directed by the label and/or your doctor. The fact that Bella suffers no consequence and is in fact rewarded by the book with sound sleep doesn't make it better.

Skip to the next morning, where Bella demonstrates for us how co-dependent she is on Edward by being hyper-anxious until he's there. Apparently, their clothes match, which would be cute, if there weren't a non-zero chance he crept into her bedroom the night before and saw what clothes she laid out.

Bella is driving this time, as per a deal they made in a previous chapter.

“Where to?” I asked. “Put your seat belt on—I’m nervous already.” I gave him a dirty look as I complied. “Where to?” I repeated with a sigh. “Take the one-oh-one north,” he ordered.

Bella follows Edward's instructions, though obviously he doesn't tell her where they're going.

“And what’s there, at the pavement’s end?” I wondered. “A trail.” “We’re hiking?” Thank goodness I’d worn tennis shoes.

I feel like tennis shoes aren't actually that great for hiking? Also, yes, he is indeed taking her into a trail in the woods where no one can hear her scream, after explicitly saying he could murder her several times. But don't tell the book that. Might make this look sus.

We reiterate that no one knows Edward is with Bella.

“So you’re worried about the trouble it might cause me—if you don’t come home?” His voice was still angry, and bitingly sarcastic.

Look, Bella, when even your abusive boyfriend has to do a double-take because he can't believe you'd do something like that....

Oh, wow. They aren't even taking the trail, they're just straight-up wandering into the forest. After Bella's narration has pointed out multiple times that he's angry with her.

Bella takes a time out to tell us how Edward is even more perfect than she thought.

“I’m not a good hiker,” I answered dully. “You’ll have to be very patient.” “I can be patient—if I make a great effort.”

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose.

Anyway, they walk through the forest, and Edward makes it so that her clumsiness doesn't matter. And then, they eventually reach the meadow. The loveliest place Bella has ever seen, apparently. Not that you'd know from the soulless description. She notices that Edward is hanging back in the shadows, and remembers that this whole trip was so that he could show her what happens to him in the sun..... but that's going to have to be for next time, I'm afraid.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Sky and Breath Prologue

All right, it's time. House of Sky and Breath. Will it manage to be better than its predecessor, House of Earth and Blood? My hopes aren't high, but then, neither is the bar - all it has to do is be soundly mediocre and I'll be impressed. Will it manage this astounding feat? Only one way to find out. But I'm not holding my breath.

Straight away, we open to a map of Lunathion, just like the first book, but I can actually read it this time. It upsets me greatly that the Central Business District is not, in fact, in the centre of the city. We also have a page reminding us of what the four houses are, which is just as well, because they've been so irrelevant to the world thus far I'd quite forgotten what was meant to go where. Given they're what the books are named for, and the sheer amount of infodumping in the last one, it's absolutely staggering that we still don't know what these houses actually do.

Pleasingly, though, there's fewer chapters than last book. Only 78 + a prologue and epilogue.

Anyway, on to the book proper. We open with a prologue. A very long prologue. Straight away, I'm not filled confidence as to any quality improvements.

We're with someone named Sofie, who is in a place called the Kavalla death camp and spends several paragraphs assuring us that the wolves guarding it can't smell her. Apparently, she's a human who's made the Drop, granting her the same sorts of powers that Vanir get.

She might have all the traits of the Vanir, but she’d never be Vanir. Not in her heart, her soul.

I like where this could go, but given it's only a prologue I won't hold my breath. The humans had way too few fucks given about them last book.

It's a bit confusing trying to work out what's going on. It sounds like Sofie's a prisoner here and is planning her escape, but also her brother Emile and many small children are there, and then she swerves into several paragraphs of backstory about how the gestapo wolves had come for her and killed her family, but also she seems to have been working her way up through government ranks for information about her family? I don't know. It's not exactly clear. This is why you don't break action for paragraphs of irrelevant backstory. We don't care how she got the info right now, we care about the escape you've paused to tell us this shit.

Wait, hold up, Ophion are the rebels, and she's been working for them to get the info. Okay. That makes a little more sense.

Anyway, we get a bit more backstory about someone called Pippa, and then even more backstory about how Sofie infiltrated this concentration camp in the first place.

[The wolves that captured her] had no idea that Sofie also carried with her, hidden in her head, information that could very well be the final piece of this war against the Asteri. The blow that could end it.

Oh Sofie. You're so dead.

Oh. It seems Sofie found this war-ending info, then told no one what it was, because she's hoping it'll force the rebels to get her and her brother out so they don't lose the info. Firstly, what a dick move. What if you die before it's extraction time, hmm? You're happy to just let the war rage on if you fail your mission? And secondly, yeah, you're even more dead now, Sofie.

Blah blah, more backstory, including such vital information as her having a minor in theatre, we get a hint of stuff happening (she and the kids are waiting for a boat), and then we get even more backstory. Well, nice to see the book hasn't changed.

The alarms would be blaring soon. They had different sirens for everything here, she’d learned. To signal their wake-ups, their meals, random inspections.

I have a better idea. How about they start blaring right now, so you're forced to focus on the action and stop going on random tangents?

They get the all clear from their lookout, then Sofie uses her magic to... steal the electricity from the electric fence? And turn it into heat to cut through the metal.

Emile whispered to the others to keep them from crying out, but she heard one of the boys murmur, “Witch.” A typical human’s fear of those with Vanir gifts—of the females who held such tremendous power. She did not turn to tell him that it was not a witch’s power that flowed through her. It was something far more rare.

Don't know about you guys, but the phrasing of "typical human" and "Vanir gifts" isn't filling me with confidence that the humans are gonna get a fair go this time.

Sofie uses her magic to break the camp's searchlights, then urges the kids to run.

Little shadows, their light gray uniforms tattered and stained and too bright in the near-full moon,

.......sorry, what? Light grey was too bright in the moon? Book, you know there's a reason we dress prisoners in neon orange, right?

Anyway, they run and escape into the trees. But guards are sent out to search for them.

The dreadwolves were in their humanoid forms, then. Good—their eyes weren’t as sharp in the dark this way. Bad, because it meant they carried guns.

Does beg the question of why they're searching in humanoid form if they're not as good at finding stuff. Why not tag-team it? Half in wolf form, half with guns. You know, like search parties do in the real world with bloodhounds.

Sofie's power can break even firstlight, apparently. They keep escaping. There's a lot of focus on how thin and frail and starved the children are, it's getting a bit weird tbh. They see a van waiting for them, which prompts Sofie to pause the action again to tell us several paragraphs of backstory about how she knows the driver and how she got a signal out to him and how he shouldn't use his power and etc, and I don't care. Focus on the escape, book.

Anyway, they all get in the van, and there's some descriptions of the driver (Silver) that make me think he's being set up as a love interest for Sofie. Huh. Maybe you aren't as dead as I feared, Sofie. Your withheld information is probably going to be a plot point, then. Or perhaps a deus ex machina. If I wanted to be really cynical, I'd say even the hook into the next book, but I don't think even these books would stoop that low.

Anyway, they drive, and there's a scene break. Book, if your prologue needs a scene break, it's too long.

Anyway, the scene break opens with saying it took them thirty minutes to reach their destination, but then switches straight back to them driving (before they get there) so we can get more chatting and backstory. Protip - if you want your writing to not be annoying, don't start us off with one thing (arriving at their destination) and then immediately backtrack to explain how you got there. If the how you get there part is important, then start the book there. If it isn't, ignore it until a more appropriate time to fill us in, if we even need to know it at all.

The Hind is coming, Silver and Pippa want the same promotion, Pippa is hinted to have powers because god forbid the human rebellion have any actual humans in it... is any of this relevant to anything? Get on with it. Things shouldn't be dragging this much in the fucking prologue.

Sofie said nothing else as they drove. She wouldn’t tell [Silver] the details of the intelligence she’d gathered, for all that he had done and meant to her, despite the silent hours spent together, bodies and souls merging. She wouldn’t tell anyone—not until Command came through on their promises.

Yeah, it's just the fate of the human race hanging on it, no biggie.

Anyway, Sofie assures us that they're being followed and are totally in danger, and then they actually arrive at their destination. It's conveniently empty of any people.

Silver led the way, hair peeking from beneath the cap he’d donned, his attention darting this way and that, his gun within easy reach at his side. She’d seen him kill efficiently with his power, but sometimes a gun was easier.

Fucking hell, now Silver has a power too. Are there no humans in the human rebellion?

....and now it's hinted that Emile, the brother, also has "something he can do" i.e. a power. Sweet Jesus. Yeah, tell me you don't give a fuck about the humans without telling me you don't give a fuck about the humans.

“They’re here,” [Silver] said in his northern accent. With his sharp senses, he could detect the wolves better than she could.

More superpowers aside, the book does understand that we have no freaking clue what a "northern" accent is in this world, right? North of what?

Anyway, the wolves come, and Sofie tells everyone else to run for the boat...... Sofie, you've got the war-ending information in your head. You run for the boat, and let Silver hold them off.

Well, Sofie stands there for a bit gathering power, then turns around to see everyone else on the boat and Silver waving for her to join them... and then the wolves (and the Hind, dun dun dun!) arrive, and Sofie runs off towards them. So basically, there was plenty of time for Sofie to get to the boat, she just chose not to because <404 reason not found> (I kid, it's because the book needs her info to die with her).

Well, Sofie runs off, and all the wolves chase her, while the boat sits there tooting its horn to tell her its going to leave. For some reason, no one shoots any of the escapees on the boat, despite a bunch of them having guns.

Keep moving. Not only away from the Vanir on her tail, but from the snipers on the ground, waiting for the open shot. From the Hind, who must know what information Sofie bore. Sofie supposed she should be flattered the Hind herself had come to oversee this.

Putting aside the stupidity of having snipers on the ground. This is why you shouldn't have kept your info to yourself, Sofie. There's way too many chances for you to die even if Command did keep their end of the bargain.

Sofie runs to the market square, and uses her power to break the fountain for... some reason. Why she didn't use it to break the wolves eludes me. Then we're told that the Hind's personal boss wolf guard, who is scary and elite and dangerous and such (you know the drill), is there.

“She’s a fucking thunderbird!” the wolf roared—just as Sofie unleashed the power she’d gathered on the water flooding the square. On the dreadwolves standing ankle-deep in it.

Well. Nice to know she's expressly not human, instead of being a human who made the Drop. Thunderbirds are go, I guess. At least it explains why she broke the fountain. I still argue it would have been easier to break the wolves.

Anyway, she kills the wolves.

Another whistle. She could still make it.

You could have made it the first time. This whole scene was completely unnecessary.

And it would have been so easy to avoid this, too - just have the wolves already fucking be there when they reach the boat, so that they actually need to be held off. Don't let Sofie stand there for an unspecified amount of time gathering power before they even show up.

The dreadwolf had been only half-right. She was part thunderbird—her great-grandmother had mated with a human long ago, before being executed. The gift, more legend than truth these days, had resurfaced in Sofie.

Yeahh, once again, the phrasing isn't filling me with confidence. Why not say your great-grandfather banged a thunderbird? You know, actually focus on what the human did for once.

................what's the bet that this is going to have something to do with Hunt's lightning powers? Please for the love of god don't make Sofie his distant relative.

Blah blah, more backstory about how thunderbirds were hunted to extinction and such.

Pippa and Silver might believe in the [rebel] cause, though they differed in their methods of how to fight for it, but Emile had always been Sofie’s cause. A free world would be wonderful. But what did it matter if she had no family to share it with?

Oh, great. Sofie didn't join the rebels because she wanted to fight for justice for the humans. In fact, she doesn't even care about it. Errrggghhh. Yeah, the chances of the humans getting any kind of decent treatment just hit fucking zero.

Sofie tries to tell us all about how killing destroyed her soul, or something, and also she's not a spy but I'm pretty sure she said she gave them her spy crystal before? And how they wouldn't help her find her brother but she had this mission to retrieve her brother and I don't even know any more. It's bullshit, and it's too long. Get on with it.

Oh, nevermind, someone did get shot on the boat. It was Silver, so now he can't use his unspecified power to save Sofie. You know what would have avoided this, Sofie? If you'd gotten on the boat in the fucking first place.

Sofie didn’t wait to banter. As swift as a wind through the fjords of her native land, she hurtled down the dock.

Yes, this is the perfect time to tell us that Sofie comes from an unspecified country that has fjords. Book, this description is neither important, nor useful. Similes only work if we know what the thing it's being compared to is.

Anyway, Sofie gets shot, Silver roars, because of course he does, and then Sofie sees some submarines going for the boat... and then we have another scene break. Because this fucking prologue wasn't long enough already. Is this just a badly labelled chapter one?

Anyway, we're with Pippa now. She spends some time recapping what we've learned from the prologue so far, in case we forgot, I guess. God knows it's long enough that that might happen.

Agent Silverbow, the arrogant bastard, had followed the woman he loved. She knew the asset Sofie brought with her meant little to him. The fool. But the possibility of the intel that Sofie claimed to have spent years covertly gathering for Ophion … even Silverbow would want that.

Yeah, it's only intel that could end the war, or something. God this book has fucked up priorities.

Captain Richmond stepped up beside her. “Report,” she ordered.

And now we've just got bad, confusing grammar. Captain Richmond is doing the stepping. But Pippa is doing the ordering. it's not immediately clear, though, because the dialogue being on the same line as the captain's action means it's the captain's dialogue, and since we're only just being introduced to Captain Richmond now, there's no reason for us to assume they're not a "she" (he's a man, btw).

He’d learned the hard way not to disobey her. Learned exactly who in Command supported her, and would rain down Hel on her behalf.

God, not more of this bullshit. I really don't know if I want these guys to stick around or not. On the one hand, this prologue is setting up way too much about them for them to not be recurring characters, but on the other hand, I don't want them, make them go away and give me some actual fucking humans.

The captain tells her Sofie isn't there.

But right now … Emile had made it to the ship. Was gaining him worth losing Sofie?

No. Sofie has war-ending info in her head. I cannot stress enough how fucking stupid and selfish this whole situation is. Why is anyone even entertaining the idea that Emile might be worth more than Sofie right now?

A human sailor barreled out the glass-enclosed bridge door

Oooh, look, a human! He doesn't get a name though, because why do humans need names, amirite?

Anyway, the subs are closing in on the boat with the kids, but then a tendril of light/power snakes out and zaps them all. Apparently Emile has the same powers Sofie does, and that power is not just electricity, but firstlight and any other "energy" as well. Hoo boy.

There were no angels among the few Vanir in Ophion. If Pippa had her way, there’d be no Vanir among them at all … save for ones like this. Vanir powers, but a human soul and body.

A.k.a Vanir-with-a-different-coat-of-paint, because ordinary humans are too pedestrian for this book. Bet they call each other males and females, too.

Anyway, Emile kills all the submarines, and then we have yet another scene change back to Sofie.

Her arm dangled off the end of the dock as the Bodegraven sailed toward those savior lights on the sea. Toward Pippa. Pippa had brought battleships to guide the Bodegraven to safety. Likely to ensure Sofie was on it, along with Emile, but … Pippa had still come. Ophion had come.

And yet, despite the fact that they upheld their end of the bargain, your war-ending information is still going to die with you. Short a deus ex machina now. You utterly selfish prick.

The Hind comes along to taunt her.

The spy-breaker smiled slightly. “Tell me who you passed the intel to, and I will walk off this dock and let you live. I’ll let you see your darling little brother.” Sofie said through stiff lips, “No one.”

"Oh, good," says the Hind, and shoots Sofie in the head. Alas, that would make too much sense for this book. No, instead, they're going to go sailing on a boat. The dreadwolves have even respawned to sail it. Also, the book seems weirdly fascinated with the Hind's boots. It's mentioned them like three times.

Anyway, looks like they're going to toss Sofie into the sea.

“At that depth, you’ll likely drown before you hit the seafloor,” the Hind observed

Drowning's got nothing to do with depth and everything to do with how long you're under the water. Wonder if she meant to talk about the pressure.

Oh, it seems the Hind isn't a complete idiot. She asks Sofie again if she told anyone, and when Sofie says she didn't, believes her, and now decides to throw her into the sea.

The deer shifter prowled closer. “Any last words?” Emile had gotten away. It was all that mattered. He’d be kept safe now.

But the rest humanity who'll die in that war that'll keep raging now? Psh, fuck them, right? They probably still believe in men and women or something.

Sofie is shoved into the water, and the lead weights drag her down. I won't believe she's actually dead until I see a body, but yeah. God what a stupid premise. Thanks Sofie. Your selfish stunt is gonna kill a whole hell of a lot more people, potentially even your brother, given he's, ya know, with the rebels. I hope he was worth it.

[snarkformysanity]

Twilight Chapter 11

Mr. Banner backed into the room then [...] pulling a tall metal frame on wheels that held a heavy-looking, outdated TV and VCR. A movie day—the lift in the class atmosphere was almost tangible.

I remember movie days in class. The lift in atmosphere they brought about was indeed tangible.

But, yes, it's movie day in biology class, and not much really comes of it except for Bella telling us all about how intense sitting next to Edward is. I do want to pull one bit out, though:

My eyes, of their own accord, flickered to [Edward].

Mostly because of that "of their own accord" bit. It's quite staggering the number of YA protagonists whose body parts seem to have more agency than they do - from feet that "decide" where to go without input from their owners, to being pulled/driven by some "instinct" the protagonist does not (and never will) understand, it's really quite disturbingly common. Why can't Bella choose to look at Edward? Why is all the agency here being given to her eyes? Seriously, just remove that "of their own accord" thing and it's perfectly fine. Or, if you must, make it "seemingly of their own accord" instead, if you want to give the impression that she's trying to resist. It's very odd.

But, yeah, nothing really happens in biology, and then they have an Agonising Goodbye before Bella goes to gym class. She then spends the rest of that time dissociating from lack of Edward and being bad at badminton (or whatever they're playing), until Mike comes to speak to her after class. He's mad that she and Edward are seemingly a thing now. And while Bella's love life is, as she says, none of his business, he does make a very good point.

“He looks at you like . . . like you’re something to eat,” he continued, ignoring me. I choked back the hysteria that threatened to explode, but a small giggle managed to get out despite my efforts. He glowered at me. I waved and fled to the locker room.

And, while I'm sure the book expects this to be nothing but a witty, ironic quip, I can't help but read it as Bella being in denial and fleeing from having to confront the idea that her new boyfriend is an abusive ass who sees her as a thing, rather than a person.

Edward is waiting to take her home from school as well. He's been eavesdropping via mind-reading again, and says Mike is getting on his nerves. The usual dickery. Bella is mad that he's been eavesdropping again, but she still goes with him to his car. Also, all the boys at school are clamouring around Rosalie's red car because... idk, cars are cool, I guess. But that's not really important. Bella's still mad.

He sighed. “Will you forgive me if I apologize?” “Maybe . . . if you mean it. And if you promise not to do it again,” I insisted. His eyes were suddenly shrewd. “How about if I mean it, and I agree to let you drive Saturday?” I considered, and decided it was probably the best offer I would get. “Deal,” I agreed. “Then I’m very sorry I upset you.” His eyes burned with sincerity for a protracted moment—playing havoc with the rhythm of my heart—and then turned playful.

And, to the surprise of no-one, Edward is being an ass about it, completely ignoring why she's mad at him and making other "concessions" to get her to shut up about it. And look at Bella. "The best offer she would get." Bella, you don't have to concede to his "offers", if he ignores the fact that you don't like him stalking you via mind-reading, you can just tell him to fuck off. Alas.

His smile was condescending now. “I wasn’t intending to bring a car.” “How—” He cut me off. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be there, no car.”

And he's refusing to answer very reasonable questions, in a dickish way, of course. Honestly, I feel like this one is done more for the sake of the audience (because I guess the book thinks we can't work out that it'll be the vampire super-speed we already know about), but it nonetheless reflects very badly on Edward. He doesn't have to be a condescending ass about it.

It was easier to ride [in the car] with him if I only looked when it was over.

Just........ what more needs to be said? Poor Bella has given up on trying to assert her right to feel safe and is doing the car-passenger equivalent of lying back and thinking of England.

“And you still want to know why you can’t see me hunt?” He seemed solemn, but I thought I saw a trace of humor deep in his eyes. “Well,” I clarified, “I was mostly wondering about your reaction.” “Did I frighten you?” Yes, there was definitely humor there.

Yup. He finds her fear funny, ladies and gents. I wish I could say this was exclusive to Edward, but no, there's many love interests who enjoy provoking negative emotions in the objects of their affections. Some more so than others. I'd say that, more commonly than fear, the love interests might go more for annoying her/making her mad, and then laughing at her anger. You know. Like assholes. There's one in particular I'm thinking of, but for the life of me I can't remember the book name. I think the LI's name was Noah? Something like that.

But yes, anyway, Bella needs it explained to her why hanging around hunting vampires with the scent of blood is a bad idea, and then she forgets to breathe because she's looking into Edward's eyes. Legit, she only realises when she starts getting dizzy from lack of oxygen. Then, Edward says that tomorrow it's his turn to ask the questions (which is presented as ominous for some reason), and then he leaves.

The next day, Charlie tries to ask Bella about why she doesn't want to go to the dance. It seems like he's worried that no one asked her, and she's too upset to say anything. But Bella brushes him off.

Edward shows up to take her to school again that morning. They banter in the car a bit, about Bella's favourite colour and music. It's mostly unremarkable, except that Edward apparently has a copy of the same CD Bella was playing earlier in the book. Hmmmmmmm. Wonder if he had that all along, or if he's only "acquired" it recently... I think it's mostly so the book can remark over how special it is that Bella and Edward like both Debussy and this unspecified metal band, but as someone who also has rather eclectic music tastes, fuck you, book. It's probably a lot more common than you're making it out to be.

But, yes, apparently Edward spends the rest of the day interrogating her about her interests. From Bella's description of her reaction to the attention and how "absorbed" Edward seems to be by her answers, I can't help but read it as love-bombing. He's preying on a girl who's very insecure about her interests by pretending they're the most fascinating things in the world. Creep.

There's a bit about how Bella says her favourite gemstone is a topaz, but apparently it as, until recently, actually a garnet. Three guesses as to the reason for the switch. Edward wants to force her to admit it.

“Tell me,” he finally commanded after persuasion failed

Yeah, see, this right here. A clear sign he straight-up will not respect her wishes. He can't persuade her to do something willingly, so he just commands her to do it instead. Fucking gross. And... er...

I’d given more information than necessary in my unwilling honesty, and I worried it would provoke the strange anger that flared whenever I slipped and revealed too clearly how obsessed I was.

She's already walking on eggshells. Bruh. This is way worse than I remember. At least the book seems to realise she's obsessed, I guess? Not that it understands that's a bad thing, though.

We get a summary of the rest of her school day, including another "electrically-charged" movie session in biology, and then a summary of them sitting in Edward's car outside her house and chatting. We get the first indication that Bella actually liked Arizona, with a paragraph of her describing what she loved about it. It's a bit bland, but hey, it's something. We get a title-drop and some vague philosophy about night and stars, and then Edward says they should wrap it up, because Charlie will be home soon.

But then, there's a "complication." A car pulls up, and Jacob is in it, with his father, Billy Black. Edward speeds off, but the Blacks saw him, and Bella assures us that Billy both saw Edward and clearly believes the vampire legends his tribe has of them. Dun dun dun!

[snarkformysanity]

Review: House of Earth and Blood

With the chapter breakdowns finally, finally finished, it's time for the overall review. If you've seen any of said breakdowns, you'll know my opinion of this book is, ah, not great, so if you're looking for a positive review, you're probably better off looking elsewhere. Also, this review will not be spoiler-free, so if that kind of thing bothers you, you've been warned.

TLDR - the book has flaws, but honestly, it could probably get away with most of them if it was maybe half as long as it is. Unfortunately, it's not, so yeah. D+ overall.

Firstly, the biggest and most key gripe: it is way, way too long for how much actual content there is. A lot of my subsequent negatives would be severely lessened if it just got the hell on with things, and the positives would have a lot more place to shine when they aren't drowned in so much padding. It's hard to keep track of characters and plot and such when it could be thirty chapters before something is mentioned again, and another ten (or more) before it becomes important. I reckon the book could easily have been two-thirds as long, perhaps even half, and lost nothing of value. Absolutely no excuse for it being 97 chapters + an epilogue.

What about the various components of the story? Well, let's talk about the worldbuilding, first. I'm in two minds about it. Because honestly, what's there isn't bad at all...... I feel kind of intrigued by the idea of the Asteri and the whole Roman-Empire-esque thing they've got going on, and unlike ACOTAR, I do get the sense that this is part of a bigger world, that has (some) history to it. Is it a masterpiece? God, no. But most of what's there is pretty inoffensive as something to hang a story off of. It works.

But dear, dear god does the delivery need to be improved. Holy shit. Most of the information is delivered early to us in the form of colossal (sometimes multi-page) infodumps. It's always a balancing act with fantasy worlds, deciding how much information the reader needs to understand what's going on while not making them read the entirety of the author's notes in prose form. But, uh. This book does not strike that balance, even remotely, and kinda shoots itself in the foot for it.

Because, basically, I remembered pretty much nothing about who was part of what and how it all worked after the infodumps. Nothing. I only started remembering things over half way through the book, once it had got (most) of the infodumping out of its system and started showing us its various components in context. Your reader is only going to retain so much information early on, and flooding them with worldbuilding details when they have no way of telling which ones are actually going to be important, while they're also trying to retain your character and plot setup, is just not going to happen.

It's even less likely to happen when you bring your narrative flow to a screeching halt to go on random asides about, for example, what the Pack of Devils does in town, only to kill them off a few chapters in. Why waste several paragraphs telling us what essentially amounts to "they're cops" if the specifics of what they do is going to be completely irrelevant to the story? Just tell us they're cops and move on.

But whinging about infodumps aside. The book did, on occasion, make attempts to integrate worldbuilding info more naturally, and did make attempts to give us a sense of a larger world by referencing distant places and such. I pointed out a few times in my chapter breakdowns, though, that it doesn't quite get the delivery right, with the details being either too vague or constricting to really have the desired effect. But, those are fairly minor gripes compared to the infodumping. Dear god, the infodumping.

Another major gripe I have, and this was the same in ACOTAR, is the weird fixation on "maleness" and all the associated stereotypes. There's a lot of posturing, a lot of measuring contests, a lot of possessiveness trying to masquerade as protectiveness, the whole tropey-ass shebang. Every male character is pretty much a cookie-cutter template - ripped, golden-skinned, growly, dominant. Conversely, very, very little attention is paid to "femaleness" as a concept, and any associated stereotypes there - indeed, the only time it really comes up is when it's time for the guys to start posturing. It's really gross. It's really gender-essentialist. I feel like you either love it or hate it, and if you hate it, well, tough shit, because it is just so utterly ubiquitous throughout the book. The world includes an allegedly wide spread of fantasy creatures... but they all fall into this same basic template of males = muscle-y and dominant (and scary, don't forget scary) and females = ????? kinda there I guess?????

Now, the plot. The plot was... okay. The book attempts a complex plot, and it mostly works fine. Well, fine enough for the kind of book we're talking about here - it's no A Song of Ice and Fire (no matter how much it tries to be with its attempts at grimdarkness). It would have been a lot better if the whole book had been shorter, because then we could actually keep track of its various intricacies throughout. It also could have benefited a lot from some pruning, getting rid of some of the extraneous/repetitive threads that bloat the book's middle. I do have a few more specific complaints about it, though.

Firstly, the pacing. It was kind of plodding and meandering throughout most of it. Not particularly engaging, but, I've read slower books. But the result of this is that it never really felt like it was going anywhere, building to anything specific - stuff just kinda happened and was resolved, or not, and then we moved on to the next thing. It was too contiguous to really be called episodic, but it still kinda had that feel? It made it hard to try connect the dots, because stuff just kinda happened at random until the book decided it wasn't important anymore and moved on. Oh, the kristallos might be using the sewers to get around? Enough of that, it's not important, time to talk to the merfolk. A lot of disconnected points that float around the thread of the murder investigation.

I honestly thought the book was done around about the 75% mark, after Bryce discovered Hunt doing the synth deal and learned "the truth" about Danika there. Most of the dangling threads felt like they'd been wrapped up (or at least had petered out at some point in the preceding 60+ chapters), and the things that were left (Hunt's arrest, maybe the Horn) felt more like lead-ins for next book. Then, I felt like it could have ended after Bryce went to the Comitium to try get Hunt back. Again, he was being taken to a far off place, and most of everything else was wrapped up. So why was there still 20% of the book to go?

That last 20% just felt really, really off, pacing-wise. I spent most of it sitting there wondering why we needed to watch all the random dealings of the conference through Hunt's eyes. Nothing particularly new or interesting was presented to us - it was all mostly just to highlight how much of a lolevil caricature Sandriel was and how much more enlightened the other characters were by comparison. Literally just 20% of the book of sitting with Hunt in his cell, or in the conference, while we waited for everyone else to convince Bryce she should totally get back together with him. Absolutely the worst place to put the most egregious (and boring) padding.

Secondly, and this ties into the pacing as well, is the utterly random revelation that Micah was secretly behind everything. Absolutely nothing is happening in that last 20% until Micah randomly decides it's time to leave the conference and go after Bryce, and then, worst of many plot sins the book commits, he infodumps every little twist and turn to us over far too many pages in a tropey-ass villain monologue.

(Edit: after going back and rereading my posts, apparently I did predict Micah was involved after he torched the kristallos corpse. But there was just so much god-damn padding between there and the revelation that I straight-up forgot about it. So. While it's not a completely random revelation, it might as well be, because who the fuck is going to remember anything like that with so much extraneous shit in the way?)

Half the fun with mystery/crime type stories is re-reading it to try and spot all the little clues you missed the first time around. But this book was so determined that we should see every one of it's brilliant "clues" that it pointed them all out in excruciating, action-halting detail. Seriously, Micah straight-up monologued for like 7 pages, explaining everything to us. What's the point of us rereading, then? All the clues have been explained. And I honestly disagree that most of them count as "clues", for reasons I'll get into in a bit. But what Micah ultimately suffers from is the same as most of the villains in ACOTAR - he's basically absent from the novel until it's time for the reveal that he was actually behind everything ever all along.

Thirdly, the book simply does not handle its clues very well. There's basically two kinds. The first is where things are randomly brought up with no context and then immediately dropped as the story moves on - this just makes it painfully obvious that the book only mentioned the thing to remind us it existed, which makes it painfully, painfully obvious that it's going to be important later. But the problem with this method is that we aren't really given enough context to work out why or how the thing is going to be important, so, when the reveal finally happens, we're not thinking "ohhhh, that's what it's for, that makes sense," we're thinking "uhhh, sure, that works. I guess." There's no real way for the reader to figure things out - we've just got to wait patiently for the book to deign to tell us why it keeps randomly bringing up things like Bryce's necklace or Danika's sword or the nokk tank.

It's especially underwhelming when it turns out it's "important" for something like "making sure Micah has a Bond-villain-esque trap to throw Bryce's dog in" or "explaining why the kristallos didn't attack Bryce until after she took the necklace off, even though that wasn't a mystery and it had attacked her before" or something like that. Just feels lame and self-congratulatory on the book's part.

The second kind of mishandled clue is the completely absent clue. The most egregious example of this is Hunt's betrayal. We're assured he was running around and in contact with Justinian and Viktoria about buying synth and organising another rebellion, and that he knew about the synth and Danika's role in it well before Bryce did... but even though we're inside his head for the bulk of that time we have absolutely no indication that anything even is going on, let alone what that anything might be. It's utterly, utterly cheap, and doesn't feel like a "reveal" so much as an ass-pull. A lot of Micah's alleged involvement falls under this category too, and a little bit with Bryce's things as well. If you want to make a POV character do something but don't want the audience to know about it, well... don't make them a POV character. It's really that simple. Or at least don't give them POV chapters during the time all this is allegedly going on. Cheap and amateur.

Fourth, while it's nowhere near as bad as ACOTAR was for this, the book still seems to have a weird aversion to having the plot happen on-page. Bryce was actually allowed to be involved in the plot, unlike Feyre/Nesta, which was nice (if a little contrived). But we still spent far, far too much time POV-switching away from people who are actually doing things in order to watch people who are doing nothing, or worse, watch people who are watching people do things on TV. Utterly terrible choice of POV allocation.

Okay, moving on from the plot. The characters. Hoo boy, the characters.

Let's start with our protagonist, Bryce. Honestly... for the most part, I kinda liked Bryce. She was (generally) proactive (even if it wasn't always allowed to be shown on-page), and showed she was capable throughout the book. Her depression was generally handled pretty well and believably. She had growth, even if I don't necessarily agree with the direction of that growth (mostly because it revolved around Hunt, much as the book tries to pretend otherwise). Overall, a respectable protagonist and a pleasant surprise, given my low expectations after ACOTAR.

But, Hunt. Holy shit I fucking hate this guy. Both for in-story reasons and for meta reasons. He did not endear himself to me when he was introduced by Isaiah as the baddest of baddasses to ever badass. Nothing screams "informed badass" like an entire chapter's worth of assurances before he's even done anything. Then, he endeared himself to me even less when his first POV chapter was a multi-fucking-page infodump of his trauma-conga-line of a tragic backstory. It just makes it immediately clear that book expects you to like and feel sympathy for the character, which I'll generally refuse to do on principle. Sympathy is earned, book, not instructed. Make me feel it. Don't tell me to.

The book also makes a big fuss of calling out his "alpha-hole" behaviour, but in so doing just makes it abundantly clear that it actually doesn't realise just how much of a controlling, possessive ass he really is. It only calls out behaviour that is minor and easily defensible. It completely ignores things like him overruling Bryce on whether or not she eats, or barging into her life when she's made it expressly clear she doesn't want him there, or trying to dictate when she can and cannot go for a run, or whether he'll allow her to be alone, and so on. And then there's all my usual gripes about the whole "primal dominance" shtick - it's not my cup of tea, I actually find it kinda gross, and this book has done nothing to change my mind on the matter. But that is, admittedly, a matter of personal taste.

Another major gripe I have with Hunt is how the book just will not shut up about how very badass and scary he is, and just expects us to take that on faith. This is true of many, many (many) characters and things in this book, admittedly, but it's most egregious with Hunt (and Sandriel). We're told and told and told and told and told just how awesome or intimidating or powerful or scary they are. And, if we're ever shown anything at all, it just falls so utterly flat. It's empty, pointless bragging, and it is just utterly ceaseless.

As I mentioned, Sandriel was bad for this, Pollux even worse. They show up, smirk a bit, get soundly put in their place by every other character, and then disappear or get killed. Lame af. But as I said, pretty much everything in this book suffers from this - I complain about it many, many times in my chapter breakdowns.

So, yeah, better wrap this up. Overall...... I'd probably put it at a solid D+. There's some good things here, but they just get lost in a sea of padding and bad fanfiction tropes. And it loses a lot of goodwill for Hunt and his ceaseless wangst. Remove him and the padding, and I'd happily give it a C, even with the plot blehness. But, alas. That's not the book we have.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Earth and Blood Chapters 95-Epilogue

I tricked myself again. It's 97 chapters and an epilogue.

But we're nearly there. Nearly. Let's knock this shit out.

Bryce and Hunt go back to her apartment, where Syrinx is waiting, having opened the door. Apparently, Bryce doesn't know chimeras can open doors, and apparently hasn't learned it in however long she's been living with Syrinx. Whatever. I don't care.

Bryce starts crying, and Hunt carries her into her room. They spend a few moments reminding us of the plot and how awesome their respective adventures were. Conversation turns to Bryce's star power, and the horn. She's got a new eight-pointed-star mark, right between her breasts, apparently.

But his face grew grave. “You’re going to have to learn to control it.” “We save the city, and you’re already telling me I need to get back to work?” He chuckled. “Old habits, Bryce.”

Yeah, if you thought he was going to stop being a domineering ass, well, I have bad news for you. You're in a Sarah J Maas book.

And though the path she’d been thrust onto was royally fucked, and had led her through the lightless halls of grief and despair … Here, here before her, was light. True light. What she’d raced toward during the Ascent. And she wanted to be kissed by that light. Now.

Excuse me while I go retch.

Oh no. The book's going to subject us to another sex scene, an actual one this time, presumably. Fuck me, I thought we escaped scot free. More fool me. I wondered why chapter 95 was so randomly long compared to the other chapters in this section.

Hunt’s dark eyes turned near-feral. As if he could read those thoughts on her face, in her scent. “We have some unfinished business, Quinlan,” he said, voice roughening. He threw Syrinx a Look, and the chimera leapt from the bed and trotted out into the hall, lion’s tail waggling as if to say, It’s about time.

Yes, even the fucking dog ships it.

Anyway, they start getting handsy. We are once again reassured that Hunt has a big dick, in case we were worried.

But she pulled back, meeting his hazy, burning gaze. The words she wanted to say clogged in her throat, so she hoped he understood them as she pressed a kiss to his now-clear brow.

Yeah, cause communication is for shmucks. True love is when your partner can randomly read your mind. But only when it's dramatically convenient, of course.

Oh, wait, hallelujah, Bryce's mum calls and puts a damper on things. Yup, apparently Bryce thought banging Hunt was more important than letting her family know she hadn't been nuked out of existence, and now mum is worried.

Bryce decides that now is the time to take a shower, telling us that she's absolutely filthy. Presumably, that filth is now smeared all over her bed. GG Bryce. You clearly have your priorities in order.

“What’s that water?” “My shower.” “You save a city and make the Drop and can’t even give me your full attention?”

Oh, mum, you have no idea.

Bryce and her mother discuss Bryce's power, how it's more than the Autumn King's, and how the news broke the story of who her father is. POV switch to Hunt.

Hunt had a good idea of what Ember had asked her daughter. And wouldn’t you know, he’d been about to do just that with Bryce when she’d called.

He is once again contributing greatly to the plot. The world doesn't revolve around your dick, Hunt. You don't think, in the wake of all that's happened, that Bryce's mum might have something to discuss with her other than you?

He hadn’t cared that an entire city was looking on: he’d wanted to kiss her when the light of her power had faded, when Hunt had lowered his wings to find her in his arms, looking up at him like he was worth something. Like he was all she needed. End of story.

Haha. Hahaha. Haha. Ha....... no, no the book doesn't realise how creepy that is. Yikes.

Ugh, well, apparently Bryce's mum was talking to her about having sex with Hunt. I can do nothing but roll my eyes and wish for death.

Anyway. Hunt calls Isaiah. They don't really discuss much of consequence, but the discussion takes an entire page. Isaiah asks Hunt to come to the Comitium and help him, because with both Micah and Sandriel dead, it's devolved into a pissing match over who's in charge.

Hunt tried not to bristle. Bryce and him getting naked, it seemed, would have to wait.

Hunt angsts a bit about how he'll now be the possession of whoever takes over from Micah, how they probs won't let him see Bryce, or even let him live, etc, etc. You know, the usual. Then...

Unable to help himself, he glanced at his wrist. He blinked once. Twice.

Obviously, his tattoo is going to be gone, but the book can't just tell us that yet. No. We've got more fake tension to milk.

We spend a quarter of a page with a Bryce POV, where she gets a call from one of the Asteri. Then we end the chapter. And it's one of those annoying chapter breaks where the next one picks up exactly from where the previous one left off, which begs the question of why it was needed. Cheap, cheap, cheap.

Anyway, turns out the Asteri freed Hunt as a show of gratitude for Bryce saving the city, and all they ask in return is that she not use the Horn to open any demon gates. Seems a reasonable enough request. Hell, they're even expressly willing to overlook the deaths of Micah and Sandriel. Won't stop the book from blathering on as if this call is the most dangerous thing ever, though.

The Asteri make some veiled threats, and then give Bryce and Hunt their blessing. Cool.

Hunt asks Bryce to go to the Comitium with him. They go to the roof, but then realise their friends are down on the street below and go to talk to them. Fury is amongst them, which makes Bryce remember Juniper, and she goes to call her but.... her phone is somewhere in the city? What the fuck did her mother and the Asteri call her on, then? Does she have a cordless landline?

Ruhn is also with them, and proceeds to infodump all the cool stuff he got to do off-page after leaving the crashed helicopter. He confirms that, while people could hear Bryce calling from the gates, they couldn't really get to her on account of, you know, the hordes of demons in the way.

Anyway, the two hug.

Hey, speaking of Ruhn. Is anything going to come of that whole "claiming" thing before? Or has that been forgotten along with Hunt's dickishness?

Well, the siblings have a moment. Hunt even butts out for it. A Christmas miracle.

“You’re my sister.” Ruhn didn’t bother to keep his voice down. No, there was pride in his voice. And damn if that didn’t hit her in the heart. “Of course I’d come to save your ass.”

Ruhn warns her that the Autumn King is probably going to want to meet with her.

She arched a brow, tucking away the warning, and said, “Hunt told me about the mind-reading.” He’d mentioned it briefly—along with a recap of the Summit and everything that had gone down—on the walk up to the roof.

So the book is aware that it doesn't have to have characters repeating information we already know to each other, and can summarise the re-tellings? Why doesn't it do it more often, then?

Anyway, Ruhn gets a call, and leaves. Bryce looks back to Hunt.

Bryce looked to the rooftop across the street. Where the angel still waited for her, a shadow against the night. But no longer the Shadow of Death.

Had to get one last epithet in there, didn't you, book?

We get a summary of Bryce and Hunt working at the Comitium, until Bryce is too exhausted to continue so Hunt orders Naomi to take her home and keep watch over her. Because even though Bryce has uber power now, Hunt still isn't willing to relinquish control, I guess. She will be Watched.

Anyway, the next morning, she goes for a walk to the river. Apparently Tharion promised her the River Queen's full support.

Bryce hadn’t the nerve to ask whether that support was due to her being the bastard daughter of the Autumn King, a Starborn Fae, or the bearer of Luna’s Horn. Perhaps all of them.

Or, maybe it's because the merpeople are interested in helping to get the city back on track, and it has nothing to do with your various powers?

Bryce sits on a bench and looks across into the Bone Quarter. She wraps up a few loose threads with Juniper, and then in an honestly pretty heartwarming moment, answers Connor's message from two years ago (asking her to message him when she got home safe), and then deleting both his and Danika's message threads. As a gift for saving the city (or so Bryce assumes) the Under-King allows the mists of the Bone Quarter to part for a moment, so Bryce can see the wolf pack (bar Danika, who gave her power to get Bryce out of the Drop) waving at her. Then Hunt messages that he's back. Go away, Hunt.

There was an angel in her apartment. Which meant it must be any gods-damned day of the week. Which meant she had joy in her heart, and her eyes set on the wide-open road ahead.

No, I don't know what this means.

And now, the epilogue. It's Jesiba talking to Aidas, in cat form, and dropping hints about what will presumably comprise the next book's plot. Bryce's light is apparently the same as someone called Theia, who both Jesiba and Aidas knew, I think from the time the fae first came to this world. And some vague hints about Hunt's father being proud, so I'm sure his father will turn out to be a Big Deal later. But I don't care, because the book is finally, finally, FINALLY fucking over.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Earth and Blood Chapters 92-94

Bryce rushes over to the gate. The book keeps repeating "light it up" as if it's meant to be clever.

And fucking hell, Bryce is about to make the Drop, but instead of seeing that, we're going to POV switch back to Ruhn. Because this book hates me, you, and everything good on god's green earth.

Wait, fuck, we're not even in Ruhn's POV, because he's actually doing something now. No, we're back in the fucking conference room.

I don't care if this gif shows my age.

I think we're in.... Declan's POV? The book is so determined to keep us away from the action that it's grabbing new POV characters out of its ass.

Sabine Fendyr murmured, “Danika had a small kernel of energy left, the Under-King said. A bit of self that remained.” “Can a dead soul even serve as an Anchor?” Queen Hypaxia asked. “No,” Jesiba replied, with all the finality of the Under-King’s emissary. “No, it can’t.”

Pretty sure it's about to, Jesiba.

Well, the book tells us all about how this is actually a solo, untethered Drop, and how that's uber dangerous. Almost like it'd be exciting to read about a character overcoming it, or something.

Declan drew his eyes from the video feed and scanned the graph on one of his three computers—the one charting Bryce’s Drop, courtesy of the Eleusian system. “She’s approaching her power level.” Barely a blip past zero on the scale.

I mean, aren't you just so glad we can have a tertiary character read the protagonist's progress off a chart at us, instead of being with the protagonist on this climactic part of their journey? Isn't this awesome, engaging storytelling? Isn't it also really convenient that Declan is able to monitor this on his laptop? Because otherwise we'd have to go with Bryce, and we can't have that.

Anyway, the charts say that Bryce is dropping far beyond what her power indicates she should. Hypaxia decides that it's because of the gate, and all the magic wishes that have been put into it over the years.

So...... where do people normally make the Drop? In all the info dumps about it, I don't seem to remember this?

He tried and failed to calculate just how many people, over how many centuries, had touched the Gates in the city. Had handed over a drop of their power, like a coin tossed in a fountain. Made a wish on that drop of yielded power. People of every House. Every race. Millions and millions of drops of power fueled this solo Drop.

Well, at least we know now how Bryce will get her uberpower. I feel like I said something about it being tied to the gate, waaaaaay back when she and Danika made their wishes. But I don't care enough to check.

Firstlight begins to pour out of all the gates. But Bryce is still Dropping. We switch to her for a quarter of a page, for a few non-descriptions about the Drop, and then we switch back to Declan, and I want to break things.

“She’s passing Ruhn’s level,” Declan breathed, not believing it. That his friend’s party-girl sister had surpassed the prince himself. Surpassed Ruhn fucking Danaan.

I mean, given the only thing we really know about Ruhn's power is something about shadows and his star power being piss weak, this doesn't really tell us much.

Bryce keeps falling, approaching the Autumn King's level, apparently. Again, given we know even less about his power than we do about Ruhn's, this really doesn't mean much.

Her power starts to close the portals, but also...

The voids between Midgard and Hel began to shrink. As if the light itself was abhorrent. As if that pure, unrestrained firstlight could heal the world. And it did. Buildings shattered by brimstone slid back into place. Rubble gathered into walls and streets and fountains. Wounded people became whole again.

Oh no.

Well, we spend another half a page repeating that the portals are closing a few times, before they finally close, and Bryce stops. Her final position is a decimal point above the Autumn King, apparently. I'm just rolling my eyes, because, while the book is tripping over itself to give her uber power, of course it's not going to allow her to have power anywhere near Hunt's level. No, no, no. She might actually be able to enforce her will on him then, and we can't have that.

But, even though Bryce has stopped, she still has to make the Ascent. Her body dies - she now has six minutes to get back.

And... oh wow, we do actually get to go with Bryce for this. I'm pleased.

This was the cradle of all life, this place. There was a physical ground beneath her, and she had the sense of an entire world above her, full of distant, twinkling lights. But this was the bottom of the sea. The dark trench that cut through the skin of the earth.

Danika is with her. There's a whole lot of I-miss-you type talk. Bryce says she doesn't intend to make the Ascent, and wants to stay with Danika. Danika, of course, says that's BS. Bryce asks why Danika lied, she gives a standard sort of "to keep you safe" answer... they basically just recap all the Danika-related stuff in the plot, which the wolves can conveniently watch from the Bone Quarter for some reason.

Danika asked softly, “What about the angel?”

Fuck me sideways. Book, Danika was dead before Hunt came on to the scene. Butt out. Let the girls have their moment.

Bryce withdrew her hand from Danika’s. “You’re really trying to convince me to make the Ascent for a guy?” “Is Hunt Athalar really just some guy to you?” Danika’s smile turned gentle. “And why is it somehow a mark against your strength to admit that there is someone, who happens to be male, worth returning to? Someone who I know made you feel like things are far from fucked.”

Book. You are fooling no one with that "someone who happens to be a guy" bullshit. Danika is telling Bryce to live for a guy. Full stop. You know what it looks like. Stop trying to pretend it's anything but what it is. And also, you know, brush all the shady shit he did under the rug. And continue to ignore all the ways he's been a possessive ass.

“He’s healed, Bryce,” Danika said. “You healed him with the firstlight.” Bryce’s breath shuddered out of her. She’d done all of this for that wild hope.

Not to stop the demons. Not to save the city. No. Bryce did all of this on the off-chance it'd heal Hunt. What a wonderful, selfless protagonist. I suppose if Hunt had been fine, the city could just burn for all Bryce cares?

She swallowed, looking at the ground that was not earth, but the very base of Self, of the world.

You going to do anything with that ground that is the very base of Self, of the world, book? Or is it going to function exactly like normal ground, just with more words to describe it?

Well, Danika tells Bryce she has to go, to Ascend. Then we switch back to Declan. He tells us Bryce has two minutes left.

“There’s no way to help her?” Hypaxia whispered to the silent room. “No way at all?” No. Declan had used the past four minutes to run a search of every public and private database in Midgard for a miracle. He’d found nothing.

What the fuck search engine is Declan using that can do all that in four minutes?

Everyone keeps going on about how Danika is not a real anchor, because she's dead. The fact that they keep repeating this further convinces me that everything will be fine. Honestly, this entire little diversion to Declan is just everyone repeating in different ways that Bryce is totes going to die. I am sceptical. Bryce starts her Ascent with 0.003 seconds left on the clock. Apparently, the clock pauses once they actually begin the Ascent.

We switch back to Bryce for like a page. But it's a page of one-sentence lines, so there's deceptively little content on that page.

She had made the Drop solo, but she was not alone. She had never been alone. She never would be. Not with Danika in her heart, and not with Hunt beside her.

Hunt isn't fucking there. You're allowed to have a moment that doesn't revolve around him.

Anyway, she jumps.

Back to Declan. There is much scratching of heads and declarations that this is not possible. The Prime of the wolves says something cryptic about how it's the power of love. And then...

Wreathed in lightning, healed and whole, Hunt Athalar was kneeling over Bryce’s dead body. Pumping her torso with his hands—chest compressions.

Fuck. The fucking. Hell. Off. Hunt. Sure, it's not quite bad as the little deus-ex-Cassian moment in ACOSF, but it's pretty damn close.

Blah blah blah, through love all is possible, close chapter.

Bryce tells us how she hears Hunt's voice and swims towards it. Next.

“Come on,” Hunt grunted, continuing the chest compressions, counting Bryce’s breaths until he could shock her again with his lighting.

.......what?

Well, Hunt tells us about how all his suffering has been for this moment here, with Bryce. Then Bryce explodes. Well, not really, she "explodes into life." Next.

Bryce realized she was breathing. And her heart was beating. Both were secondary. Would always be secondary around Hunt.

You heard it here first, folks. Even Bryce's breathing and heartbeats - you know, the basic things that keep her alive - are secondary to Hunt. As if I couldn't hate this asshole anymore.

Anyway, she opens her eyes. There is shmoopiness. And banter.

She angled her face closer to his. “Too bad all that healing firstlight didn’t turn you into a decent person.”

I'm crying because, though the book might not realise it, it's not actually a joke.

And, naturally, the whole city comes out to gape at them, because why not. Ugh. Fucking Mary Sues.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Earth and Blood Chapters 89-91

Apparently I tricked myself into thinking there were only 90 chapters in this book. There's actually 97. I am seriously this close to losing it. It's just way too fucking long.

Anyway, it's Ruhn's POV now, because the book is allergic to being in the head of whoever is actually doing shit. He simultaneously tells us that he was distracting Sandriel so Hypaxia could remove the halo, then tells us that he only realised what she was doing after she'd already started. I don't care. Just get on with it.

There was nothing but cold death in Hunt’s eyes as the halo tattoo flaked away from his brow. The true face of the Umbra Mortis.

This would probably be a whole lot cooler if we'd seen him do anything other than get beaten up by the kristallos, then crack the shits over it.

There's a whole lot of wanking over how awesome and scary Hunt is, and Sandriel is terrified, because she's so scary and all. Wait, what?

Athalar’s lightning skittered over the floors. Sandriel barely had time to lift her arms and summon a gale-force wind before Hunt was upon her.

Given I have no idea how long it takes to summon a gale-force wind, I'm going to assume it's really slow, just because it amuses me to think Hunt wastes that much time beating his chest like a fucking ape and posturing and baring his teeth.

Ruhn threw himself under a table, grabbing Hypaxia with him. Slabs of stone slammed onto the surface above them.

The table is not going to protect you from slabs of stone.

Anyway, Hunt kills Sandriel. The book keeps referring to him by his epithet, as if we're supposed to be impressed, but I refuse.

He let the Archangel’s head drop. It thumped and lolled to the side, smoke still trickling from the mouth, the nostrils. He’d flayed her with his lightning from the inside out. The angels in the room all knelt on one knee. Bowed. Even a wide-eyed Isaiah Tiberian. No one on the planet had that sort of power. No one had seen it fully unleashed in centuries.

Uuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh of course he's the specialest and most powerful of the angels and everybody claps. Couldn't have it any other way. Dear god I want to neck him. And I'm also really worried for Bryce when she and Hunt have their first argument.

Two Governors dead in one day. Slain by his sister and his sister’s … whatever Hunt was.

Abusive boyfriend. The words you're looking for are abusive boyfriend, Ruhn.

He wonders whether Hunt will kill his father next, for mistreating Bryce, then muses a bit on the Starborn revelation. We learn nothing new or interesting.

But then Hunt looked to Fury, who was pulling debris from her dark hair, and growled, “Fuck the Asteri. Get your gods-damned helicopter over here.”

Yeah, fuck da police! But please, do get the helicopter over here. It's been way too many chapters since it was brought up.

Then we switch to Hunt, so the book can wank off over how primal rage-y and Protective he is. Like, yeah, yeah, we get it, book. You have an animal fetish. But all I can think of is something like this:

Like. Just. Who does that?

And I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I like my men when they aren't consumed by primal rage to the point they can't think. I'm trying to think of the best way to explain it? Like, when you rough up your dog while playing and they wave their jaws around trying to bite things that aren't there, when if they stopped and breathed for like 0.2 seconds they'd realise the threats were a non-issue. Instead of thinking he's so sexy and primal and protective, I'm rolling my eyes at how utterly pea-brained his behaviour is.

He starts ordering the other angels around.

Not one of them objected to his command. He hadn’t given a shit that they’d bowed—whatever the fuck that meant.

Oh, stop fucking humble bragging. Unless you really want me to think Hunt is such an idiot that he doesn't know what that means? Because I'll do it, book. Dear Lord will I do it.

The Autumn King and the Prime of the wolves, the only City Heads present, remained in the pit, along with Sabine. Jesiba and Hypaxia would have to keep them honest. Neither of the females so much as acknowledged the other, but no animosity sparked between them, either. Hunt didn’t care.

I don't know what the other heads need to be "kept honest" about. And I also don't know why the book keeps highlighting all the drama that isn't happening between Hypaxia and Jesiba. Jesiba walked away, book. Presumably, she did so because she had 0 interest in the witch crown. Why do you keep treating this like such a big deal? Look! Even Hunt expressly doesn't care. So why do you think the readers do?

They get in the helicopter, we bask more in Hunt's awesomeness, Fury says that he and Bryce are totes amazing for each other, I want to break things. And then they finally, finally fly the fucking helicopter towards the city.

The next chapter we get a third of a page of a Bryce POV, before we have to go back to Hunt. Words cannot express how utterly sick I am of this asshole.

“And Hypaxia says Bryce can barely move,” Fury added, a note of surprise in her flat voice. “It looks like she’s drained. She’s not going to be able to get to the next Gate without help.”

We know this. We saw it when you were last watching Bryce on TV, back at the conference room. And we saw it in that brief Bryce POV just before. Stop fucking repeating yourself book and get to the fucking end already.

Some Asteri tanks are seen approaching the city. Apparently, they're going to nuke it, to deal with Bryce and the demons both. Sure, why not, just get on with it. We then get two paragraphs explaining how Our Nukes Are Different and are Even Worse than irl nukes and I honestly just don't give a shit any more. Get. On. With. It.

Fury tells them to stop, but of course they don't listen, and start shooting missiles into the city.

We manage to stay with Bryce for a whole page, long enough to realise that these nukes are actually more like normal missiles and for Bryce to get stuck under some debris. But that's too long away from Hunt! Back we go!

The launchers cocked skyward again, pivoting to new targets.

As if they knew Bryce still lived. They’d keep bombarding the city until she was dead, killing anything in their path. Perhaps hoping that if they took out the Gates, too, the voids would vanish.

Or, and this might be just wild supposition on my part, maybe the Asteri actually do want to close the gates as well? And their still firing has nothing to do with whether Bryce is alive or not, but with the fact that the gates are still fucking open?

Anyway, apparently despite assuring us that his wings were fully healed and ready to fly about 20 chapters ago, suddenly Hunt is unable to fly. So he decides to jump out of the helicopter instead.

Hunt leapt out of the helicopter, his wings tucked in tight. A one-way ticket. His last flight.

Oh shut the fuck up, we all know you'll be fine.

And lo, he is, reaching Bryce just in time shield her from a missile blast.

Switch to Bryce. We spend almost a page pretending Hunt isn't there. All so we can have a Dramatic Reveal that he is.

Bryce twisted to look behind herself. Her head emptied out. A scream broke from her, rising from so deep that she wondered if it was the sound of the world shredding apart.

M e l o d r a m a.

Hunt lay sprawled on the ground, his back a bloodied, burned mess, and his legs … There was nothing left of them but ribbons. Nothing left of his right arm but splattered blood on pavement. And through his back, where his wings had been— That was a bloody, gaping hole.

Just as well you showed us they'll grow back, then. Otherwise this scene might actually be tense. Oh, the book is making a valiant effort to convince us he'll die. Reminding us that the nukes slow healing and such. I'll believe it when I see it. And honestly, probably not even then - I remember the shit ACOTAR pulled with Rhys's "death." And Feyre's "death."

The brimstone’s blasts had downed the helicopter. Only Fury’s skill kept them alive,

Though apparently her skill didn't keep you out of blast range? How close were they flying? I thought they went up as high as they could go before Hunt jumped?

We're in Ruhn's POV, btw. The helicopter crashed, and everyone inside is injured. They lost some weapons, but not all the weapons, so they still have plenty and I don't know why the book wasted space mentioning it. More non-tension.

Hypaxia’s voice cracked over the miraculously undamaged radio

You mean the conveniently undamaged radio. After all, the only thing more exciting than watching the thing we just saw from Bryce's POV on TV is having other people tell us that they're seeing what we just saw in Bryce's POV on the TV.

Have I mentioned how much this book repeats itself yet? Because this is getting ridiculous.

“Athalar is down,” Declan announced gravely. [...]“I don’t think there’s any chance of survival.”

Yeah, he'll be fine. Unfortunately.

Some demons are watching them, and the squad decides to make for Old Square and Bryce, sticking by the river, because the merpeople are far enough underwater they avoided the blasts and might be able to help.

Back to Bryce. She's with Hunt.

“I believe it happened for a reason. I believe it all happened for a reason.” She stroked his bloody hair, her voice shaking. “I believe it wasn’t for nothing.”

She starts to head towards the gate, chanting those same words. The wishing gate.

.......don't tell me she's going to give it all her starborn power in order to save fucking Hunt. God, it was bad enough when Nesta gave up her power for Feyre's baby in ACOTAR. At least there was some vague semblance of reason, even though I am thoroughly unconvinced they couldn't have had magic C-sections along with their bluetooth speakers. But we already know Hunt's wings will fucking grow back. And presumably the rest of him will, too.

Well, before I get too ahead of myself. She's using the gate for its communication function, at least at first. To tell people to come to the gates....

...Bryce, in order to hear your message, they have to already be at the gates. What is this supposed to accomplish?

Still nothing. She said, “My name is Bryce Quinlan. I’m in the Old Square. And … and I think I’ve figured out how we can stop this. How we can fix this.”

Naturally, we don't get to hear what she's "figured out."

Well. Bryce has apparently decided that now is the time to make the Drop, and she's calling through the gates for someone to be her anchor. Inb4 Hunt claws his way over to do it. God forbid we be free of him for too long.

Silently, she prayed for any one of those six other gems to light up, to show that just one person, in any district, would answer her plea. But there was only the crackling nothingness.

Bryce. I don't know if you've forgotten this or not, but the other gates are currently literal portals to hell through which demons are pouring. Do you think they're just going to let someone through to be your anchor?

Well, yeah, apparently Bryce has forgotten this. She crawls back over to Hunt, and tells him "those three words" which are obviously "I love you", but the book seems to think there's some sort of mystery in not revealing them.

But then, Bryce hears Danika's voice, and the gemstone for the Bone Quarter lights up. So, Danika's ghost will be her anchor? This is a pleasant surprise.

[snarkformysanity]

Twilight Chapter 10

Bella opens by trying to pretend she's worried the previous night, where she spoke to Edward in his car, was a dream. She's fooling no one, though, especially not when Edward appears in her driveway to take her to school.

“Do you want to ride with me today?” he asked, [...] There was uncertainty in his voice. He was really giving me a choice

This one is a bit more insidious - the framing of some of the love interest's more questionable behaviour as something that the protagonist "chooses" for herself. Still alive and well today; Rhysand is completely insufferable for it in ACOTAR. On the surface, it doesn't look too bad - our protagonist could totally say no if she wanted, she just doesn't want to, right? But think about it for a second. Bella has just found out that Edward is a blood-drinking, mind-reading vampire. He's told her many, many times now that he's dangerous. He's shown that he's willing to do things like stalk her if he thinks it's in her "best interest." Does this really feel like the kind of situation where she can say no, and expect to stay safe? Really?

But, of course, it's a moot point, because of course Bella makes the "right" choice and agrees. But that's what makes it so insidious. Because the protagonists are always 100% okay with the "right" choice, the books never examine the fact that these aren't actually really choices at all. From an ordinary human guy, this might get a pass based on the non-vampire-related parts (and the non-stalking parts) of the conversation last night. Might. It'd probably still be a bit forward and awkward, and it's highly likely that any non-YA-protagonist in such a situation might feel pretty uncomfortable/obliged to accept. But given the fact that there were vampire-related parts of their conversation last night? This is straight-up intimidation. And the book will never acknowledge this.

But, anyway, Bella gets in the car, we get some more belittling talk and reckless driving from Edward. Nothing new here. Bella eventually asks how the rest of the Cullens are getting to school, and Edward says they took Rosalie's car.

He shrugged as he parked next to a glossy red convertible with the top up. “Ostentatious, isn’t it?”

This is another thing that's quite common with love interests - they're pretty much always loaded, and even if they aren't expressly loaded, they'll never seem to have any problems with money. Any billionaire romance is an obvious example, but there's others, too. Rhysand, being a high lord, is loaded. Shadowhunter families always seem to be loaded. Etc...

Edward says they don't usually take Rosalie's car because it's too flashy and they want to blend in, but like.......... you're loaded. Buy flashy cars, and then buy some normal cars for everyday use. This really isn't hard.

Jessica is waiting with Bella's jacket, and is flabbergasted to see Bella arriving at school with Edward. Once Jessica leaves, Edward tells Bella that Jessica is planning to "ambush" her in class. They banter a bit about it... nothing really to report. Creepiness of the mind-reading aside, this is at least an amusing way to use it. Well, it would be if Edward weren't an ass about it, at least.

She summarises the day before her class with Jessica.

The fog had almost dissolved by the end of the second hour, but the day was still dark with low, oppressing clouds. I smiled up at the sky.

Hey, remember how much Bella hates rain and loves the sun? Yeah, neither does she. All because of Edward.

But, yes, we then go to Jessica's interrogation.

She glared at me, her expression stiff with skepticism. “How did you get home so fast?” “He drives like a maniac. It was terrifying.” I hoped he heard that.

See? The mind-reading can be fun. Just... a shame it's, you know, mind-reading, which is kinda inherently invasive and creepy...

We basically recap the previous night, sans vampire stuff, for another page or so, as well as more talk of how pretty Edward is. Hooray for filler and padding!

“I do have some trouble with incoherency when I’m around him,” I admitted.

No, you have trouble with coherency around him. You have absolutely no trouble being incoherent.

“Oh well. He is unbelievably gorgeous.” Jessica shrugged as if this excused any flaws. Which, in her book, it probably did.

In her book. And your book. And most YA books, in fact.

The vampire who wanted to be good—who ran around saving people’s lives so he wouldn’t be a monster . . .

Whoa, hold up there, Bella. He's saved exactly one life so far (yours), and that's just because he has an unhealthy obsession with you. He mostly just angsts about being a monster. And no, not killing people doesn't count. I don't kill people either, but I wouldn't go around saying I'm a hero for it.

Jessica also gets Bella to admit she liked Edward. I'm pretty sure they already did this in the car, but Bella is acting like it's an embarrassing revelation, so whatever.

“[I like him] Too much,” I whispered back. “More than he likes me. But I don’t see how I can help that.”

This line might be important later.

Lunch comes, and Edward is waiting for her.

“Hello.” His voice was amused and irritated at the same time. He had been listening, it was obvious. “Hi.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, and he didn’t speak—biding his time, I presumed—

Ah, yes, the silent treatment. Keeping her guessing. Wondering if she did something wrong... definitely no abusive behaviour here, nuh uh, what are you talking about?

And it works, and Bella grows increasingly nervous as they get their food and sit down. Their conversation starts out normally enough - he even takes a bite of pizza when Bella asks if he can eat normal food - but he eventually starts talking about whatever his problem is. Not directly, of course. Gotta keep Bella guessing!

[E]“You aren’t precisely right, though. I do want to know what you’re thinking—everything. I just wish . . . that you wouldn’t be thinking some things.”

Literally wants to dictate her thoughts.

But, he does eventually get to the point.

“Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?” he murmured,

And now we've got an "I love you more" thing going on, also known as a game that abusers love to play to make their partner feel inferior/undeserving. Mother Gothel does it to Rapunzel in Tangled, but the difference there is that Mother Gothel is supposed to be an abusive bitch. Here? Neither Bella nor the narrative so much as bats an eye.

I stared back, struggling to think clearly in spite of his face, to find some way to explain. As I searched for the words, I could see him getting impatient; frustrated by my silence, he started to scowl. I [...] held up one finger. “Let me think,” I insisted. His expression cleared, now that he was satisfied that I was planning to answer.

As soon as he thinks she's not going to do what he wants, he jumps straight to intimidation. Also, Bella, you're having trouble thinking clearly because of his face, not "in spite of" his face. "In spite of" implies that normally his face helps you think clearly, and you have told us many, many times that it has the opposite effect on you.

Bella eventually answers.

"...sometimes it seems like you’re trying to say goodbye when you’re saying something else.” That was the best I could sum up the sensation of anguish that his words triggered in me at times.

No, Bella, his words trigger anguish because he's a gaslighting asshole who is playing with your emotions. It's not that deep.

And, true to form, Edward deflects and changes the subject, because he doesn't like the direction the conversation is taking. He tells Bella she's pretty, in a roundabout way. While also putting her down for her flaws (well, "flaws") too, ofc, but Bella doesn't care about that.

I blinked, astonished. “I don’t believe it . . . ,” I mumbled to myself.

Mary Sue must never know she's pretty, because then she is not Humble and only sluts know they're pretty anyway. This one has fallen a little out of fashion in more recent times, but there'll always be some way the protagonist is So Much Better than the other girls.

“Don’t you see? That’s what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it”—he shook his head, seeming to struggle with the thought—“if leaving is the right thing to do, then I’ll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe.” I glared. “And you don’t think I would do the same?” “You’d never have to make the choice.” Abruptly, his unpredictable mood shifted again; a mischievous, devastating smile rearranged his features.

Fucking hell. Where's that gif of the guy with all the flags?

Perfect. Because, uh. Yikes. How is that supposed to be anything other than manipulation? And of course, before Bella can protest, he changes the subject again.

If I had to, I supposed I could purposefully put myself in danger to keep him close. . . . I banished that thought before his quick eyes read it on my face. That idea would definitely get me in trouble.

Hoo boy. Okay, two things here. One, Bella is contemplating hurting herself to keep Edward around. That is both scarily self-destructive on her part and manipulative af. And two, she's not concerned about her own wellbeing or the fact that it's a dick move, no. She's concerned that Edward will be mad at her.

And I wish I could say this kind of bullshit was gone. No. No it is not. Rhys and Feyre's suicide pact in ACOSF is a very good example of how it's not gone. Same with some of Katniss's later behaviour in THG - I know the whole berry thing was kind of a plot point, but later on, she starts getting really blase about her own wellbeing when she thinks Peeta's dead/on the Capitol side.

They banter about prom/the spring dance.

“[Your bad dancing] wouldn’t be a problem.” He was very confident. “It’s all in the leading.”

So just let Edward steer your life, Bella...

They talk about the upcoming Seattle trip. Edward asks if she'd be open to doing something different, since he figured it was just an excuse to get out of the dance. Then they talk about his driving, and how Charlie doesn't know she's going with Edward to Seattle now.

He rolled his eyes. “Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving.” He shook his head in disgust, but then his eyes were serious again. “Won’t you want to tell your father that you’re spending the day with me?” There was an undercurrent to his question that I didn’t understand.

Well, in her defence, she has reason to be frightened of your driving. And, er, that "undercurrent", Bella? He wants to know if there'll be any witnesses he needs to take care of later.

“The weather will be nice, so I’ll be staying out of the public eye . . . and you can stay with me, if you’d like to.” Again, he was leaving the choice up to me.

“You should tell Charlie, though.” “Why in the world would I do that?” His eyes were suddenly fierce. “To give me some small incentive to bring you back.”

Bruh, he's straight-up admitting he'd disappear her if no one would know it was him.

Bella doesn't like that thought, apparently, so she changes the subject so they can start bantering about how the vampires hunt bears and stuff. But then, Bella asks if she can watch sometime.

“Absolutely not!” His face turned even whiter than usual, and his eyes were suddenly furious. I leaned back, stunned and—though I’d never admit it to him—frightened by his reaction.

Turning on a dime, keeping her off-balance and afraid. Although, I will admit, even if he's doing it in the most abusive-dickishly way possible, it's probably not a good idea for Bella to be around the blood-frenzying vampires. But basic survival instinct is not something Bella is well-acquainted with, unfortunately.

But, yes, that brings us to the end of the chapter. In summary... yeah, nothing really happened here, did it? They're in much the same situation they were in before this chapter.

[snarkformysanity]

[snarkformysanity]

House of Earth and Blood Chapters 87-88

Bryce is about to make a final charge. The climax of the story. The moment it's all been leading to. But we're not allowed to be there for it, oh no. Much better and more exciting to watch it on TV, from Hunt's POV. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to hear how devastated he is at all the bullshit fake-outs that are sure to follow.

“No,” Ruhn was saying, over and over. “No, no—” But Hunt heard nothing. Felt nothing. It had all crumbled inside him the moment she’d hung up.

Once again, the book is convinced that the tension here comes from us not knowing what Bryce is doing, which is why we're stuck with these guys. But honestly, the tension would be better if we did. Or, well, it would be if these guys did anything except growl at screens. Because, if they, say, took action to try and save her, we'd be here like "no, you don't understand, she's trying to [insert Bryce's plan here] to save the city! Don't stop her!" And the tension would come from us knowing that they don't know what Bryce is up to, and wondering whether she or they will get there first. Or whether the demons will finish the lot of them.

Alas. That's for better books. Not this book.

And honestly, this sort of "reader doesn't know" drama is part of what makes books like this so utterly tedious to reread. Because the tension relies so much on the reader not knowing (and thus wanting to keep reading to find out), it gets lazy with creating actual tension, interesting tension. Instead of seeing Hunt and co do everything they can to stop Bryce, for instance, we see them sitting and staring at a TV screen until the book deigns to stop dragging things out and tell us what's going on. It's fucking boring. And once that initial want-to-know feeling is gone.... well, you're left with a bunch of people sitting around staring at a TV screen. Not the most inherently exciting of stuff.

Well, moving on. Bryce approaches the gate and pulls light from within herself.

“I am Bryce Quinlan,” she said to the Gate, to the void, to all of Hel behind it. Her voice was serene—wise and laughing. “Heir to the Starborn Fae.”

Interesting. Can't wait for the infodump that will explain this.

We then move to a flashback of that motorcycle accident Bryce and Danika had way back when. They chased the convoy on said motorcycle, shooting at them, and were surprised when they shot back and took out the bike's tyres. Danika took the brunt of the crash, and they were lined up for shooting, as we've seen in previous flashbacks.

But, this time, we learn that the reason Bryce asked Danika to close her eyes is because she was about to unleash her star power. Yeah, okay. I don't hate it. It probably needed a bit more foreshadowing, though. Or rather, a bit less padding throughout the book, so whatever instances of foreshadowing it did have weren't so damn disconnected.

(Edit: I've been looking back through some of my previous posts, and I did flag some foreshadowing.... like, fifty chapters ago now. There is way, way, way too much padding in this damn book)

The pure light of a star—from another world. From long, long ago. The gift of the ancient Fae, reborn again. Light, but nothing more than that. Not an Asteri, who possessed brute power of the stars. Just light.

Not entirely sure what the difference between "light" and the "brute power of the stars" is, given the light is the result of the energy in the stars, but whatever. Bryce explains that she wanted to tell Ruhn, but didn't, because she saw how much of an ass their dad was and being the Starborn was the only thing that gave Ruhn an edge. Idk. This flashback is very long.

We then get a page or so of the book trying to pretend it gave us clues to this reveal, and that no one else worked it out for arbitrary reasons (e.g. her fae dad being too arrogant), and then waxing poetic about the nature of the power. Then Bryce pulls the core of the star out, whatever that means.

At least she’d spoken to Hunt one last time. She hadn’t expected him to be able to pick up. Had thought the phone would go right to audiomail where she could say everything she wanted. The words she still hadn’t said aloud to him. She didn’t let herself think of it as she took the final step to the Gate’s quartz archway.

You just did think of it.

She was Starborn, and the Horn lay within her, repaired and now filled with her light. This had to work.

And, with some imagery about wishes, Bryce attempts to close the gate.

But, once again, we can't be with Bryce as she does it. Hunt is still watching the TV. Why the fuck haven't these people left yet? It's been like ten chapters.

Hunt had no words in his head, his heart, as Bryce shoved her burning starlight into the Gate.

Well, if Hunt's got nothing to say, maybe we should go back to Bryce? No?

Ruhn’s face drained of color as he remained kneeling and beheld his sister, the blazing Gate. What she’d declared to the world. What she’d revealed herself to be. His rival. A threat to all he stood to inherit. Hunt knew what the Fae did to settle disputes to the throne.

I mean, nothing we know about Ruhn suggests this would be the case. But alas, I have the horrible feeling that Hunt will be right. Can't have him be wrong, after all.

Bryce closes the heart gate, but the other gates in the city are still open. We're interrupted by another phone call, though. It's the Autumn King, calling Bryce's mum to yell at her for lying to him about Bryce's power. The book once again tries to pretend it laid out a bunch of clues for us, and again I'm of the opinion there was too much waffle stuffed between them for any of it to be worthwhile.

Ruhn murmured, more to himself than anyone, “Those books claimed there were multiple Starborn in the First Wars. I told her, and she …” He blinked slowly. “She already knew.”

Or they're "clues" like this. Ruhn, did it occur to you that maybe she "already knew" because she read the same books you did?

“She lied because she loves you,” Hunt ground out. “So you could keep your title.”

And how do you know that, Hunt? Are you reading Bryce's mind through the TV again?

Good lord, not only is Hunt psychic, but we have Ember explain it to us again, in case we missed it the first two times. For fuck's sake, book. This is meant to be the climax, the actual fucking climax. Stop waffling and take us to the action.

No, no, the book's not done patting itself on the back about this "twist" yet. Now Hunt is remembering "clues" from conversations weeks ago. Ugh.

This is another thing that really undermines the re-read value of these books. One of the fun things to do after the Big Reveal at the end is to go back through and look for these clues ourselves. But when the book takes time and pages (and pages) to do it? Ruins the whole thing.

And then Hypaxia randomly removes Hunt's halo. Sure, whatever, just get it over with already.

No, no, can't get it over with, we need more one-sentence-one-line shenanigans to maintain the illusion of tension. Sandriel calls the Asteri, and Hunt decides that means the Asteri are going to kill Bryce, even though he was relieved the Asteri were coming before. There is much introspecting and promises of roars building in his bones. Then, a page and a half after Hypaxia started removing the halo, it is removed, and we get a Dramatic Chapter Break.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Earth and Blood Chapters 85-86

We finally get to join Bryce! For more than half a page! The fighting is starting to take its toll on her.

And, it's mostly action! The action is pretty unobjectionable. Only one instance of barking bones.

She runs out of bullets, and a demon knocks her onto her back, pinning her sword under her. But then...

A sword plunged through the demon’s gray head. A massive sword, at least four feet long, borne by a towering, armored male figure. Blue lights glowed along the blade. More glared along sleek black body armor and a matching helmet. And across the male’s chest, an emblem of a striking cobra glowed.

Hunt's call to the Viper Queen was apparently to send her bodyguards to help Bryce. And, honestly, this is a better approach that trying to pull the army away to do it. The bodyguards are in the Viper Queen's private employ - they're not going to be part of the city's wider emergency procedures, so as long as they don't get in the way, this is fine.

Six others raced past him, the cobblestones shaking beneath their feet, guns and swords drawn. No venom-addled stupor to be seen. Just lethal precision.

Well, very kind of the drugs to wear off just in time for combat. Convenient.

The various canine shifters arrive with the bodyguards. We return to unobjectionable action, including Ithan and Bryce tag-teaming demons.

But, alas, the book couldn't resist, and we're back in the conference room. Fury's helicopter apparently hasn't arrived yet, which is why they still haven't fucking left. I thought they were about to get in it when Jesiba got that call? Apparently not.

Sandriel re-enters the conference room in a Very Dramatic manner, with none of her underlings.

Hunt prepared himself as she glanced his way, seated between a now-standing Ruhn and Hypaxia. The gorsian manacles lay on the table before him. But she merely returned to her seat at the lowermost table.

So scary. So important to get Hunt away from her! Definitely worth all the drama and build-up.

She had bigger concerns at hand, he supposed.

Uh, no fucking shit? What is with that "he supposed?" Do you honestly think Sandriel should be more interested in tormenting you than the literal portals to hell that have opened all over the city?

Hunt. This is why your angst pisses me off. You have absolutely no sense of proportion, in anything. Everything is the Worst Thing Ever and it's all about you, you, you.

Anyway. Sandriel tells them that they are under orders to remain at the conference hall. Ruhn protests, but Sandriel says that the Asteri are sending help, which seems to relieve both Hunt and Ruhn. Given how little they resist, I can only assume this is setting up for the Asteri to betray them, or something to that effect.

The gates are closing in a matter of minutes (they automatically close after an hour, but can be manually closed earlier). But, there's still humans fleeing for them. The shifters begin peeling off from the fight to get in the shelter. Bryce and Ithan wait until there's only thirty seconds left to start running for the shelter. The wolves inside try to slow the doors, but by the time the two are close enough, there's only enough space for one. Bryce shoves Ithan through, and is shut out. I would argue that Bryce is significantly smaller than Ithan (given how ripped all the guys in this story are) and could probably fit through whatever slightly smaller space remained, but whatever. That's the drama we have now.

Hunt read it on her face, then. For the first time, Bryce had no idea what to do.

Hunt once again develops psychic powers to tell us Bryce's thoughts in lieu of being in her head. And it's even more pointless, because we have a POV switch to Bryce immediately after this line. Why couldn't we have heard Bryce thinking this for herself, book? Was the door shutting on her not a dramatic enough closing line?

If she could make it to her apartment, it had enchantments enough to protect her and any others she could get inside.

But it's okay for Bryce to have enchantments. Not the other rich fae, though. They're all assholes.

Actually, come to think of it, do we have any evidence that those rich houses Hunt was whinging about earlier aren't opening their doors to shelter people? That was, after all, the basic premise of a castle before they went out of fashion - they were, first and foremost, defensive structures, and in times of war the lord would call all the villagers in there to protect them. In that case, it makes even less sense to pull the soldiers away from there because, you know, they lose the defensive advantage of the castle. I mean, I'm sure the book expects us to believe that the rich people just shut their doors on everyone and cackled, but until I see it, I won't believe it. Maybe the bomb-shelter style defences are what exists in the parts of town that don't have enchanted mansions?

Well, back to the story. Bryce has an idea, but we don't get to hear what it is. And... honestly, this kind of fake tension really, really annoys me. Why can't we hear the idea? The tension should come from the fact that there's a horde of fucking demons between her and her goal, not from us not knowing what the goal is. We should be wondering "oh no! Will she make it in time to do [thing that will save the city]? Or will the demons kill her?!" but instead, we're wondering "uh, why is she running there? How will that help? I mean I assume it's going to help the city, but..."

Just. There's no reason for it. If a horde of demons can't make your scene tense, then no amount of fake tension will help it.

Anyway, Bryce is attacked by a demon, but gives it the slip using a car, then is attacked by more demons.

Two demons raced for her. The only thing she could do was run as the light began to fade. Alone. She was alone out here.

And... you weren't alone before? You've been alone since the doors closed, Bryce. Why the dramatic lines now?

Well, the answer is because we need a dramatic line for the chapter break, of course.

We're back with Hunt. Ugh. We're with Hunt so he can assure us that the demons will be even nastier and scarier after sunset, and so we can watch Bryce run towards the Heart Gate on the TV. Because if we were in her head, we might have tension from knowing what her idea is and wondering if she'll be able to do it, and for some fucking reason the book thinks it's more tense to not know what she's doing. Thus, we're stuck with Hunt.

The demons have conveniently stopped pouring out of the Heart Gate portal. Oh, Hunt tries to assure us that it's totally still dangerous because hell is totally waiting for night to send Even Worse demons, but I'm not buying it. It's just more narrative convenience.

Bryce slumps to the ground.

Hunt bared his teeth at the screen, “Get up, Bryce.”

Can you imagine how stupid this must look? Baring your teeth at a fucking screen?

Ruhn was shaking his head, terror stark on his face. The Autumn King said nothing. Did nothing as he watched his daughter on the feed Declan placed on the main screen.

Well, what's he meant to do? Growl at the screen as well?

Bryce pulls out a phone and makes a call. Obviously, it's to call Hunt. It should piss me off. But I don't have the energy to care anymore. The book has obviously completely forgotten all the completely valid reasons Bryce has to hate him, and I'm sure will expect us to forget them all too and be happy when they get back together.

“Give him the fucking phone,” Ruhn ordered her. Sandriel, to Hunt’s shock, did. With trembling hands, he picked up.

And Sandriel continues to be completely unscary.

I wouldn't harp on this so much if the book didn't hype her up the way it did. As soon as you start hyping like that, unless you are 100% sure you can make the showing live up to the telling, you should probably leave your villain off-page. Because off-page villains can work, and work well, because our imaginations will pretty much always be scarier than the reality. Lord of the Rings did it with Sauron. Even right at the very end, we never saw Sauron on-page. We saw everything he did, everything he was responsible for - his armies, the growing darkness, etc. But we never saw the man himself. Because of that, his power remains a vast, unknowable thing in our minds.

Of course, it's generally better to have your villains on-page and being a tangible threat. But this book has kind of gone for the worst of both worlds. It hyped Sandriel (and Pollux) up incessantly, and then utterly bombed the delivery when they finally did show up on-page. There was pretty much no way they could live up to the hype, and so far, none of their actions have so much as tried to live up to it. It's all been them being undermined or ignored or shut down by snarky teenagers or whatever, while Hunt flails about in his head trying to assure us that they really are so very scary.

In short, Sandriel and Pollux should probably have stayed off-page. Have Hunt still be sent to her, sure. But maybe have her triarii come to collect him (and stay for the conference, as her representatives), and then the whole hell portal business happens and disrupts things. Then, we might actually believe Sandriel could be a threat to Hunt, because we don't know what she's capable of. But since she came in person? We know very well what she's capable of, and it's a whole lotta not much.

Honestly, the better approach again would be to not only keep Sandriel off-page, but to show us some of the effects of her power. Like Sauron shrouding the world in darkness. How strong must he be if he can cover the whole world in darkness? But all we know about what Sandriel did was be mean to Hunt, and when we see how pathetic she is in person, well... it doesn't reflect very well on Hunt, either, tbh. Instead of feeling bad for him, I'm thinking "really? That's who you're so afraid of? Mr Umbra Mortis, baddest of asses?"

But, moving on. We're so close to being done with this book. We just hit 90%. No, I have no idea why it's so long. It really didn't need to be.

Hunt and Bryce talk. It's all very cliche "don't do this" kind of stuff.

“Hunt, I need you to call my mom.”

I have a better idea, Bryce. Why don't you call your mum, and stop wasting time talking to Hunt?

There are many shmoopy goodbyes that Bryce asks Hunt to pass to the various named characters of the series. And then...

She opened her eyes and got to her feet as true night fell. Faced the Gate halfway down the block. “I forgive you—for the shit with the synth. For all of it. None of it matters. Not anymore.”

And there it is. The final nail in the coffin of my hopes. I mean, I knew it was coming. But... ugh. There's two more books of this shit. But maybe it'll still pull a Tamlin in the next book, who knows.

Anyway, Bryce puts her phone down and runs towards the gate.

[snarkformysanity]

Twilight Chapter 9

After our Dramatic Mid-Scene Chapter Break, we continue the conversation as if nothing happened. Twilight is less egregious for this than some subsequent works (and the POV carousel trope hadn't really taken off yet), but even so. Still annoying. It's okay to finish scenes in one go, people! Especially when the breaks are just to drum up fake tension. Make your novel actually tense, and people will keep reading, I promise.

“Well . . . you said you knew I hadn’t gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you knew that.” [...] “Fine, then. I followed your scent.”

The OG scent creepiness. Yes, even that is derivative. Not as ridiculous as some of the shit SJM pulls (smelling that power hasn't been used to its full potential, anyone?), but even still.

“And then you didn’t answer one of my first questions . . .” I stalled. He looked at me with disapproval. “Which one?”

Since Edward is in the scene, the red flags continue. Here, we see him disapproving of being called out on his BS. But, he does at last answer her questions about how his mind-reading works. It's fairly standard stuff. And of course, he can't read Bella's mind, and she asks why.

“I don’t know,” he murmured. “The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn’t work the same way the rest of theirs do.

Because she's Not Like Other Girls, you see.

Edward tries to redirect the conversation to Bella's theory on what he is, but the book stalls for a bit talking about his driving. He's speeding.

“I’ve never been in an accident, Bella—I’ve never even gotten a ticket.” He grinned and tapped his forehead. “Built-in radar detector.”

Sure, but things like, say, fallen trees don't have thoughts, and as I've said in a previous chapter, the laws of physics are still a thing...

“I won’t laugh [at your theory],” he promised. “I’m more afraid that you’ll be angry with me.”

Anyway, after a little more stalling, Bella finally starts talking about her theory, recapping how Jacob Black told her some local legends.

“About vampires.” I realized I was whispering.[...] “And you immediately thought of me?” Still calm. “No. He . . . mentioned your family.” He was silent, staring at the road. I was worried suddenly, worried about protecting Jacob.

Because when I think "boyfriend material" I think "someone who I worry will hurt/kill my friends if they do something he doesn't like."

Turns out there's a lot of very amusing red flag gifs out there. This is good.

More recapping, and then, we finally get Bella's conclusion from this whole drama.

“I decided it didn’t matter,” I whispered. “It didn’t matter?” [...] “No,” I said softly. “It doesn’t matter to me what you are.” A hard, mocking edge entered his voice. “You don’t care if I’m a monster? If I’m not human?”

I mean. It is a valid question, the douchey way he's asking it aside. It's the kind of thing that I suspect would matter to most people. Especially when you've only known the guy for like a week or two and think he's the kind of creature that preys on humans.

Also, hold up. Was "say it. Out loud" a movie-ism? Well, damn. Such a meme-able line, wasted. Ah well.

“How old are you?” “Seventeen,” he answered promptly. “And how long have you been seventeen?” His lips twitched as he stared at the road. “A while,” he admitted at last.

This one, though, is intact. Good. But, yes, this trend of "significantly older man" and "teen/twenty-something woman" has continued well into the modern era. Edward and Bella's age gap is actually on the smaller side compared to some of the others out there, at ~100 years iirc. Some manage to avoid this by having their LIs be human or have human-equivalent lifespans (Fourth Wing, Shadowhunters), but even with this, the guy is usually vastly more experienced/powerful than the girl, so you end up with much the same kind of power imbalance anyway. And the multi-hundred+ LIs tend to behave like snarky teens/twenty-somethings anyway as well, sooo... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Okay.” I smiled, pleased that he was still being honest with me.

Bold of you to assume he's being honest with you, Bella. I mean, in this instance, he is, but even so. Guy is hardly a paragon of honesty. But, he goes on to explain how Our Vampires Are Different, with most of our standard vampire lore being a myth in this world.

“You aren’t concerned about my diet?” he asked sarcastically. “Oh,” I murmured, “that.”

Er, yes, Bella. That. You know, the thing that kind of makes vampires monsters in all the stories? Their main, defining feature? Some might even say the "point" of vampires? I get the book is trying to show that Bella is unconcerned about the fact that he's a monster, but this is a little ridiculous. Feels very unnatural that this would be an afterthought when we're talking about actual vampires here, no matter how friendly you think they are.

“[Jacob] said we weren’t dangerous?” His voice was deeply skeptical.

Because every love interest must be scary-scary dangerous. It truly boggles my mind as to why. Like, I do get the appeal of the trope (even if it's a rather unfortunate message to send people), but even so, all of them?? Really???

They talk a bit more, with Bella asking obvious questions and generally recapping stuff to us.

I didn’t answer; I just listened to the sound of his laugh, committing it to memory.

This is something a lot of books seem to do - they'll have their MC commit various details of their partner to memory. I don't know if it's a trope, per se, but... so many do it. Committing faces to memory, smiles, scents, and laughs, as here.... is this a thing people actually do?

“Why didn’t you want to leave?” “It makes me . . . anxious . . . to be away from you.”

I mean. That's one word for it, I guess.

He comments on her scraped hands.

“I fell,” I sighed. “That’s what I thought.” His lips curved up at the corners.

He sees she's already well-versed in the standard excuses, and it pleases him.

They talk more about their budding co-dependence.

“You might have called me,” I decided. He was puzzled. “But I knew you were safe.”

Edward is confused by the concept of a friendly phone call. Or confused by the concept of Bella's feelings being just as important as his, take your pick.

“I didn’t like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too.” I blushed to be saying this out loud.

Yes, yes, we get it, you're co-dependent. And I wish I could say this trope had died, but no, no, still very much alive and well. Rhys and Feyre's death pact in ACOSF is a very good (and stupid) example.

Blah, blah, more co-dependence and angsting about how it's Too Dangerous.

“Are you crying?” He sounded appalled.

"Appalled." No crying allowed here, I guess. Or the book just doesn't know what "appalled" means and this is a case of thesaurus abuse, I'd believe that too.

The conversation moves to what Bella was thinking just before he saved her tonight.

“I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker—you know, self-defense. I was going to smash his nose into his brain.” [...] “You were going to fight them?” This upset him.

Yeah, it upsets him. He doesn't want someone who'll fight back.

They arrive back in Forks.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” I demanded. “Yes—I have a paper due, too.” He smiled. “I’ll save you a seat at lunch.” It was silly, after everything we’d been through tonight, how that little promise sent flutters through my stomach, and made me unable to speak.

See, this would be a much nicer early-stage sign of their budding relationship. The book lays it on way too thick usually, which is why it comes across as so damn creepy (well, it's one of the reasons). Too much, too fast. Sometimes, less is more. Being excited to sit with your crush at lunch is way more reasonable than declaring that not seeing them sends you into an anxious state.

More danger talk, blah blah, they arrive at her house and she finally gets out of the car.

“Bella?” I turned and he was leaning toward me, his pale, glorious face just inches from mine. My heart stopped beating. “Sleep well,” he said.

"I'll be watching."

One thing I've noted is that these books are really, really dialogue-heavy. It's common in fanfiction, and of course in things like screenwriting, where you don't have any narration. But it's a bit of a no-no in books. Ideally, the dialogue should be way more efficient, and any "small talk" type stuff should be condensed or edited out completely. Law of Conservation of Detail and all. But, it's quite common in YA, particularly when the author is more concerned with showing off their witty one-liners than with telling a story.

Anyway, Bella goes inside, brushes off Charlie. She gets a phone call.

“Bella?” “Hey, Jess, I was just going to call you.” “You made it home?” Her voice was relieved . . . and surprised.

Jessica knows Edward is a creep, apparently. Well, no, that would be too astute for this book, she just wants to hear the goss.

“Sure. But tell me what happened!” she demanded. “Um, tomorrow—in Trig, okay?” She caught on quickly. “Oh, is your dad there?” “Yes, that’s right.”

*wipes away tear* Oh, landlines. I, too, remember trying to have conversations with my friends while my mum sits like a metre away watching NCIS.

We close the chapter with another iconically meme-able quote.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him—and I didn’t know how potent that part might be—that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

Until next time!

[snarkformysanity]

Twilight Chapter 8

We open with Bella telling us how excited she is to have a girls' night out, as she, Jessica and Angela make their way to Port Angeles.

We listened to whiny rock songs while Jessica jabbered on about the boys we hung out with.

Naturally, though, she does nothing but complain. It's very important that we know that Bella is very much Not Like Other Girls when it comes to boys. Unlike the plebeian Jessica, who obsesses over boys in general, Bella obsesses over one boy in particular, which as we all know is so much better. It's girl-on-girl hate and slut shaming all rolled into one. I wish I could say this had gotten better with the years.

There's not really a whole lot else to report tbh. They go shopping, Bella half-summarises it for us. We do learn that apparently Tyler has been telling everyone that he's taking Bella to the dance, which she apparently hasn't heard about despite her school being tiny. Also, she's not nearly as annoyed by this as she probably should be. But that's nothing new.

“Angela?” I began, hesitant, [...] “Yes?” She held her leg out, [...] I chickened out. “I like those [shoes].”

Notably missing from Bella's narration - any indication of what it was she was chickening out about. The bits I omitted were describing Angela's shoes. I mean, I assume it's about Edward being a vampire, but... well, some indication would be nice.

Oh, nevermind, she tries again in the next paragraph, and turns out she's asking about whether the Cullens are absent from school a lot. Angela confirms that yes, they are, especially when the weather's nice. She cites the hiking excuse, though. How anyone can believe they're all "outdoorsy" people when they're all pale af is anyone's guess. Even if they're the kind of people who don't tan (like me), it's surely suspicious that they never seem to get sunburned, either.

Anyway, Bella parts ways from the others to look for a bookshop. She initially finds some sort of New Age, spiritual-type bookshop, and decides it's not her vibe and wanders off looking for another. Angsting about Edward as she does so, of course.

I was trying so hard not to think about him, [...] when I looked up to see someone’s silver Volvo parked along the street and it all came crashing down on me.

Hmmmmmmmm, I wonder whose car that might be????

Stupid, unreliable vampire, I thought to myself.

Bella, you've just been told they often disappear when the sun comes out, and you still think they burn and die in the sun. Chill, please.

She keeps walking, heading into a seedier part of town, and is eventually accosted by a group of unflatteringly-described men. Because this book, like many other YAs, has all the subtlety of a shotgun. She hurries away, but notices later that they're following her.

I didn’t have much money with me, just a twenty and some ones, and I thought about “accidentally” dropping my bag and walking away. But a small, frightened voice in the back of my mind warned me that they might be something worse than thieves.

This book, like many others, will never just use the word rape. They want the grimdark points for including it, but never actually have the guts to use it. It's always "something worse" or similarly vague allusions. Also, I feel like it's a bit of a thing to have the love interest save the protagonist from the actual/implied threat of rape? Rhys does it in his intro scene in ACOTAR, for example.

A blue car turned onto the street from the south and drove quickly past me. I thought of jumping out in front of it, but I hesitated, inhibited, unsure that I was really being pursued,

Er. This is a perfectly natural response to being followed, I'm sure. I mean, I know what the book means (I think), but still. Word choice. Turns out it matters. Wish there were people whose job it was to know how to use words.

Well, Bella does not leap in front of any cars, and continues on her way. She thinks she's almost escaped when, oh noes! The other two men from before are waiting, and it was all a trap.

I braced myself, feet apart, trying to remember through my panic what little self-defense I knew.

And this is why doing the odd self-defense class here and there is kinda useless. It's all muscle memory - you don't want to be trying to remember stuff in the moment, you want to be acting. Especially when there's a size and/or numbers disparity, as is the case here. First strike wins, and all. If you're serious about defending yourself, you need ongoing training until you can do that stuff in your sleep.

Of course, it doesn't matter, because Edward shows up with his car to save her!

“Get in,” a furious voice commanded.

What is he even doing here? Who cares! I mean, we all know he's stalking Bella, because love interests do be like that in YA (see, like, all my complaints about Hunt in CC). But, it's kinda hard to blame her for going with him right in the moment. She was about the be attacked, after all, and he is a familiar face. Devil you know, and all. Or at least, it would be okay, if in the aftermath she was even a little bit suspicious about why he was there, once the adrenaline calmed down. Alas.

He took a sharp left, racing forward, blowing through several stop signs without a pause.

Just as well no cars were already crossing the intersection, right? Super-reflexes will only get you so far - the car is still a physical object moving at great speed through space, and thus has momentum. Edward might see a crash coming, but there's no guarantee the car would stop/swerve in time.

Bella is staring at Edward in relieved rapture for about a paragraph, until she notices that he looks, in her words, "murderously angry." I feel like that's kinda an important thing to notice?

“Are you okay?” I asked, [...] “No,” he said curtly,

No, this is the correct order in the book. Bella was just about raped, but she's asking if Edward is okay. Because clearly, it's more important how the man feels when his woman is threatened, I guess. I wish this trend was gone. I lost count of how many times we were switched into Hunt's POV in CC so that we could see how he felt about the stuff happening to Bryce. Or how Jace has a much stronger reaction to Clary's almost-rape in TMI than she ever does.

He drives her out of town, so they're alone on the road, before pulling to a stop and finally asking if she's okay. Briefly.

“Distract me, please,” he ordered.

Now, given they're alone on a deserted road with no witnesses, this could get ugly very quickly. Luckily, though, the book was written by a Mormon, so there is a bit of a limit. But even so.

Anyway, yes, to distract Edward, Bella tells him about her plan to run Tyler over for saying he's taking her to prom.

“I heard about that.” He sounded a bit more composed. “You did?” I asked in disbelief, my previous irritation flaring. “If he’s paralyzed from the neck down, he can’t go to the prom, either,” I muttered, refining my plan.

Er. Bella...?

Well, anyway, now that Edward's back on page, it's time to play musical red flags! Starting with the stalking (and kidnapping?) of course. But we move right along to...

“Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella.”

Mmm, yup, pretty big red flag here. Especially since he's also implying he'd go kill those guys if Bella doesn't successfully distract him. Wonderful trait to have in a love interest, all that murderous intent.

“Oh.” The word seemed inadequate, but I couldn’t think of a better response.

That's because there isn't one, Bella. Run. I mean, I know he's a vampire with super speed, but you should at least still try. Or even *consider* it. But no, instead she tells him she was meant to meet Jessica and Angela for dinner. Surprisingly, Edward takes her there without argument. Also, being a vampire apparently gives you the power to parallel park perfectly on the first go, which I call bullshit on. No amount of vampire-ness will change the turning circle of a vehicle.

And, not, Bella didn't tell him where the restaurant was. he Just Knew. Somehow. She even notices this is odd, but quickly dismisses it. Yet another red flag gone unheeded. And, next up:

“I’m taking you to dinner.” He smiled slightly, but his eyes were hard.

Deciding when and how she eats. Yup. This one still hasn't died, either. Hunt does it too. So does Amon in Reawakened. And whats-his-face in A Discovery of Witches. I think he was even worse than Edward, tbh.

He spoke before I could. “Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down, too. I don’t think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again.” I shivered at the threat in his voice.

Because, as we all know, murdering people is sexy.

Also, before anyone wonders why she didn't just call/message the others - this book is set before smart phones were invented. I lived this era, and still have to remind myself. It's such a weird feeling, how inseparable they've become from our lives.

Anyway, Jessica and Angela leave without much persuading, and Bella and Edward argue over whether or not she should eat.

He walked to the door of the restaurant and held it open with an obstinate expression. Obviously, there would be no further discussion.

Yes. "Obviously." The woman must naturally obey the man, after all. Discussion can only take place if he allows it. Oh, also, for bonus sexism points, Bella is immediately jealous of the waitress. Because of course she is. And also, also, we have another red flag - Edward refuses the first table they're taken to, as he wants to take Bella somewhere more "private" i.e. isolated.

They banter a bit, a second waitress comes to get hated on, they banter some more.

[E]“Just the same, I’ll feel better when you have some sugar and food in you.”

Because, of course, it's all about what the man wants.

“Drink,” he ordered. I sipped at my soda obediently, and then drank more deeply, surprised by how thirsty I was.

Bruh. And no, the fact that the narrative "justifies" his orders by having Bella turn out to be thirsty doesn't excuse it. This is getting ridiculous.

Bella is cold, and Edward offers her his jacket.

I suddenly realized that I had never once noticed what he was wearing—not just tonight, but ever.

This is actually really, really uncommon with these sorts of books. Usually they're all over whatever the characters are wearing, even going so far as to name-drop brands sometimes. It's usually a sign of fanfiction origins. Shadowhunters is pretty bad for it, which, given Cassandra Clare's origins, really isn't surprising. We also get a description of the jacket's smell, because of course, but interestingly it's not a "he smelled like three random objects" type descriptor. That evolved later, I guess.

He was removing a light beige leather jacket now[...] “That color blue looks lovely with your skin,” he said,

.....so.... what colour is the jacket??? Do I have to go find a picture of that dress?????

It appeared ten years after Twilight, apparently. Go figure. For the record, it looks white and gold to me. Yes, I know it's actually blue and black. If I squint really hard it looks blue and black, but yeah. I literally cannot unsee the white and gold.

Anyway, enough ambiguously-coloured dresses, let's go back to the unambiguously-coloured flags.

“Really, I’m not going into shock,” I protested. “You should be—a normal person would be.

And here we have a subtle put-down, implying she's not normal unless she acts the way he wants.

He stared into my eyes, and I saw how light his eyes were, lighter than I’d ever seen them, golden butterscotch.

Unsure if I've mentioned this before, but every single love-interest has special eyes. All of them. Jace with his lion-eyes, Rhys with his night-eyes, etc. Bonus points if they change colour (like Edward's) or if they're two different colours at the same time (either one in each eye or with "rings" of different colour). It's also a classic Mary Sue trait, though it's fallen out of favour with protagonists. Still right at home with the love interests, though.

I picked up a breadstick and began nibbling on the end, measuring his expression. I wondered when it would be okay to start questioning him.

More red flags: walking on eggshells.

Bella tells him about her having a new theory, and agrees to tell him about it in the car if he answers some questions. He agrees. Allegedly.

“Why are you in Port Angeles?” [...] “Next.” “But that’s the easiest one,” I objected. “Next,” he repeated. I looked down, frustrated.

But, obviously, his promises are full of shit, and Bella just has to cop it.

They spend a page bantering without really saying anything, before Edward finally admits to following her to Port Angeles. You know, like a stalker. Not that the book uses that word, of course. But, of course, it's all to protect her, you see, so that makes it all a-okay. Except, you know, not really. Never really. All stalkers have their "reasons" for why they do it, and they all think they're perfectly justified.

I wondered if it should bother me that he was following me; instead I felt a strange surge of pleasure.

Not that Bella sees anything wrong with it, of course. Wish I could say that this trope died. But here we are, twenty years later, still making excuses for abusive assholes and pretending their behaviour is okay just because the girl "likes it."

“[Tyler's van] wasn’t the first time [your number was up],” he said, and his voice was hard to hear. I stared at him in amazement, but he was looking down. “Your number was up the first time I met you.”

I mean. He's literally saying he'd have killed her. The only way the flags could get redder is if he actually does it. Bella keeps assuring us that she totes feels safe tho, in case we start thinking that maybe she should gtfo while she still can.

But, because Edward is an abusive asshole, he makes her "bargain" for straight answers to her questions, by eating her dinner like a good little girl. But, at least he finally admits that he can read minds.

“I heard what [the men from before] were thinking,” he growled, his upper lip curling slightly back over his teeth.

And here we see that SJM isn't even original with all the growling and teeth-baring that goes on in her books.

“I could have let you go with Jessica and Angela, but I was afraid if you left me alone, I would go looking for them,”

"I'll literally kill people if you abandon me" uhhh, yes, hello, police?

Well, anyway, they decide to leave, and we have a Dramatic Mid-Scene Chapter Break when Edward says it's her turn to answer questions. This trope has only gotten stronger with time. I think the fanfiction origins of a lot of big names are to blame tbh. You don't have to hook readers of books like this - they already have the book. They don't need to be kept invested for next week.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Earth and Blood Chapters 83-84

The book now finally allows us to see the portal to hell. Bryce is running to her apartment, carrying Syrinx.

People screamed as winged, scaled demons soared out of the Gate—demons from the Pit itself.

Given I can't remember which of the seven synonym-named layers the Pit is, this probably doesn't have the dramatic impact the book intends.

At her building, she yelled at Marrin to get into the basement

..........who's Marrin?

Anyway, Bryce leaves Syrinx in her apartment with some food and water, and grabs what weapons she can - Danika's sword, and some of Hunt's guns which I presume he left behind. Then she goes out onto the roof and realises that every city gate has turned into a portal to hell.

She calls Juniper, who tells us that the powers that be are going to close the shelter gates early, and aren't letting in humans, because of course. Then she sends a message to Jesiba, and runs off into the city.

POV switch to Hunt, again, because of course. They're watching the chaos unfold on the screens, which apparently have a feed from all the cameras in the city. Sure, whatever. Otherwise we might have to actually go to where the action is happening to see it, and we can't have that. Action is for other books.

Demons he recognized with chilling clarity—the worst of the worst—poured into the city through the Gates. Demons that had been an effort for him to kill. The people of Lunathion didn’t stand a chance.

Given we've seen very little of Hunt's fighting skills in action, and the main one we did see was him getting his ass handed to him by the kristallos, this doesn't actually sound as dire as the book thinks. Especially since he then goes on to say:

Not the urbane, clever demons like Aidas. No, these were the grunts.

You know "grunt" usually refers to like, the lowest-tier, weakest solider, right? The cannon fodder? Way to undermine your own tension, book. Also, I forgot about Aidas. Why can't he come back?

In FiRo, the iridescent bubbles of the villas’ defense enchantments already gleamed. Locking out anyone poor or unlucky enough to be on the streets. It was there, in front of the ironclad walls of the city’s richest citizens, that the Aux had been ordered to go. To protect the already safe. Hunt snarled at Sabine, “Tell your packs there are defenseless homes where they’re needed—” “These are the protocols,” Sabine snarled back. Amelie Ravenscroft, at least, had the decency to flush with shame and lower her head. But she didn’t dare speak out of turn. Hunt growled, “Fuck the protocols.” He pointed to the screens. “Those assholes have enchantments and panic rooms in their villas. The people on the streets have nothing.”

This is an interesting dilemma. Or at least, it would be in a better book, who handled it with nuance instead of a "rich=bad (except for main characters ofc)" bludgeon.

Because while, yes, the moral aspect definitely says that you shouldn't leave defenceless people with nothing in order to defend the already safe, there's also a practical element to consider. We have no idea what kind of defence infrastructure the city has, but odds are, it's not going to be in the slums and open streets. Sure, you can send soldiers down there to protect the people - but if the soldiers are exposed, they're just as likely to be ripped apart as everyone else, and then you've got both dead poor people and dead soldiers. If the soldiers are in the same place as the magical force fields, though, they can leverage that to keep themselves alive longer and kill more demons.

It also depends on the motivations of the attackers. If it's a kill-'em-all kind of deal, then yeah, they're going to go after both poor and rich indiscriminately. If it's a "kill as many as possible, as quickly as possible" or "cause as much chaos as possible", they're probably going to prioritise the poorly-defended areas of the city. But if it's a "loot and pillage" type deal, they're going to go after the rich areas, because the poor don't have anything to loot.

But, as it is, we know neither of these bits of information - the distribution of the city's defences or the motivation of the army. The Autumn King tells us this:

“The protocols are in place for a reason. We will not abandon them to chaos.”

But that's all we get. The only view we're presented with is that of course it's all corrupt and the protocols are wrong, but..... well, I'm not inclined to trust Hunt's judgement in this regard. We already know he's blind to most of his own shortcomings and is a lone-wolf type who cannot follow orders or work with others. And it feels really wrong to say, because normally I'm all for "eat the rich" type rhetoric. But that's what this book has done to me.

Isaiah was on the phone across the room. “No, that time warp was just some spell that went wrong, Naomi. Yeah, it caused the Gates to open. No, get the 33rd to the Old Square. Get them to the Old Square Gate right now. I don’t care if they all get ripped to shreds—”

Excellent trait to have in a commander, not caring if the troops get ripped to shreds. This does suggest that the bulk of the city isn't very defensible, though.

We get many, many descriptions of various people trying to call other people. I get it, that's what we do in the world of phones when there's a panic, but that doesn't make it very interesting to read about.

Ruhn and Flynn dialed number after number. No one answered. As if the Fae leaders left in the city were all dead, too.

Or, you know, are busy fighting the demons. Or they weren't able to grab their phone before chaos broke out. There's lots of possibilities.

Sabine got through. “Ithan—report.” Declan wordlessly patched Sabine’s number through to the room’s speakers.

This is getting a bit ridiculous. What are you patching it with?

Hypaxia randomly announces that she's going in, and when questioned, says it's because she'd rather die like "her" than sit here doing nothing, and points dramatically at the screen. Of course, she's pointing at Bryce.

[Bryce] roared something, over and over. Declan locked into the feeds, changing from camera to camera to follow her down the street. “I think I can pull up her audio and isolate her voice against the ambient noise,” he said to no one in particular.

Maybe this world is what happens after AI takes over everything. Stuff starts making a lot more sense.

Anyway, apparently it's really important we realise that Bryce is yelling for people to get into the shelters. Just in case they hadn't figured that out for themselves, yet, I guess. You know what would be even better? Being in Bryce's head as she's actually doing shit, instead of sitting here listening to other people talk about how they can't do shit.

Anyway, it seems Bryce is headed for the human part of town, the meadows. We get like a half-page POV switch of her shooting demons before the chapter ends.

Hunt couldn’t take his eyes from the feed of Bryce battling her way through the city.

Maybe Hunt can't, but the book sure can! Why are we back with you? Take us back to Bryce. It's exciting where she is. There's dramatic tension. She might be killed by a demon! Here, the only tension is that Hunt might have to watch Bryce be killed by a demon, and believe it or not that's actually not quite as compelling as you seem to think, book.

Apparently, Micah broke all means of transport from the conference centre before he left. I call bullshit, because while the book tries to play it off as "anticipating keeping them at bay while he experimented with the Horn’s power," I'm disinclined to agree. He had no intention of opening portals to hell. It's just to milk cheap tension here instead of taking us to where the actual fucking tension is.

But, turns out Fury has a helicopter which she conveniently didn't park with everyone else's, so it's okay. Was it worth it, book? Was it worth making me read three paragraphs of fake-tension that you're going to resolve just like that?

Hunt starts demanding that Sabine send wolves to where Bryce is, but Sabine tells him there aren't any wolves left. Then, the Prime wolf (Danika's grandfather, Sabine's father) wakes up from his doze and declares that there is a wolf in Old Square, because Bryce has the heart of a wolf, or something. Whatever. I don't care. I'm still annoyed that we're here, listening to people make phone calls, instead of with Bryce, chopping up demons.

Hunt calls the Viper Queen and.... then we have a scene break to two minutes later. Really? Was Hunt calling the Viper Queen so dramatic it warranted a scene break? Or rather, was it so not-dramatic you felt the need to shove a scene break in there to give it the illusion of drama? Sweet Jesus I am sick of this.

Well, two minutes later, we're about to get in the helicopter to go to the action when somebody else's fucking phone rings, and we have to stop for that. It's Jesiba's phone, and Bryce is calling her.

“Bring it up on the speakers and merge the call with the Aux lines,” Jesiba ordered Declan, and answered the phone. “Bryce?”

Ruhn vaulted down the stairs and ran right to the speaker in the center of the table. He said to it, “Bryce, it’s a massacre. Get inside that shelter before they all shut—”

Ruhn. You need to speak into a microphone. The speaker is literally the opposite of a microphone. Bryce won't hear shit if you're talking to a speaker.

And no, do not try to tell me that the speaker and the mic are right next to each other. That is a one-way ticket to screeching feedback. Unless that speaker is only for computer stuff and doesn't have any mics going through it. The middle of the table is admittedly a weird place to put a speaker. It's a vaguely more sensible place to put a microphone, if you're limited in the number of mics and have to make do with what you have. And it's an omni-directional mic. Many of them aren't, especially in live settings.

“There’s no backup for Asphodel Meadows,” Sabine said. “Every pack is stationed—” “There are children here!” Bryce screamed. “There are babies!”

And.... are there not children in other parts of the city?

Look..... going back to those "protocols" the Autumn King mentioned, one thing that's very, very important during emergency situations is that people don't do random shit on their own. The reason? Communication is limited, information is scattered and incomplete, and everyone is scared. You will often have no way of knowing what your allies are doing at a given moment, because in real life, people generally can't sit on their phones in conference calls while fighting off hordes of demons. Thus, organisations will develop "protocols," so that they know what all their friends should be doing, even if they can't contact them, and know that any deviation from this means that something is wrong.

Fire evacuation procedures are a good example of this. Most large buildings will have multiple zones to which people will evacuate, and often, you'll have to go to a specific one depending on where in the building you're working, or what department you're in. The reason? So they can easily tell if you didn't manage to get out. As soon as you make it out of the burning building, go to your designated zone - there'll be a list there with your name on it, and they'll check you off as safe.

But if you decide to hang out in another zone because that's where your friend is or whatever, there's a non-zero chance that your safety is not communicated to the relevant parties (bc all the phones are tied up calling the fire department and whatnot), and they will probably think you're still trapped somewhere in there. People might be sent in to save you, people who don't know you're actually safe and sound, and they may be killed or injured trying to save your life, not knowing their mission is pointless.

A more relevant example might be a squadron fighting demons that's getting overwhelmed. Their instructions might be to hold x location, but if they must withdraw, to go to y location and help z squadron hold that. But if they reach y location and z squadron has fucked off to save Hunt's girlfriend, well, not only is the first squadron gonna die without the reinforcements they thought would be there, but the demons will now hold both x and y location.

Enough unpredictable things happen during disasters without deliberately fucking up your emergency procedures. So even if Hunt is right (and that's a big if - I flagged a lot of Bryce's earlier hypocrisy regarding anti-rich matters in the book, I have no reason to think Hunt is any better) and the soldiers are unfairly distributed, randomly reassigning them around the city will most likely do a lot more harm than good at this point.

Communication is limited. Every time you do something different to the plan, no one else knows.

Ugh, well, it doesn't matter, because Ithan and the wolf pack at the Den say they're going to help Bryce.

Hey, you know what? I distinctly remember the book describing wolf-children to us when Bryce and Hunt went to the Den earlier in the book. But fuck those kids, I guess?

And honestly, it could be fine, if it weren't just so all-or-nothing. All the wolves are going with Ithan. Sabine doesn't want any of them to leave. All they had to do was leave some to hold the fort (and have Sabine approve it), and the stupidity would be significantly lessened.

Then, we get a third of a page of Ithan's POV, as he runs through the city and all the other vaguely-canine shifters join the run. Something about how dogs protect the weak, or something. Honestly, if these canines are all citizens/free agents, this is fine, and kind of a cool image. If they're soldiers though, well. See my ranting above.

[snarkformysanity]

House of Earth and Blood Chapters 80-82

We move into those mini false-tension chapters.

Bryce spends just under a page realising Lehabah is dead. She goes to the gallery's front door, opens it, then tells us that's not what Lehabah bought her time to do. Why did you do it, then? Eh, maybe she's trying to trick Micah into thinking she left.

Then we switch to Hunt, so he can realise Lehabah is dead. Book, please, the moment was fine, but the more you try to milk it, the more it fucking irritates me. Lehabah was a tertiary character at best.

They see Bryce sprinting for the godslayer gun.

Bryce was sprinting up the stairs. To Jesiba’s office. Only synth fueled that sprint. Only that kind of drug could override pain. And reason. Bryce set Syrinx on the ground as she entered the office

So is she in a drug-fueled rage, overriding pain and reason, or does she have enough of her senses to set her dog down nice and safely and not rip him apart in said drug-fueled rage? Ugh, whatever, it'll be whatever is most convenient for the moment.

Bryce chugs the antidote - Hunt doesn't recognise what it is - and then pulls out the gun's bullet.

It was six inches long, its surface engraved with a grinning, winged skull on one side. On the other, two simple words: Memento Mori.

Must be some cameras and internet connection if you can read that on the screen, Hunt. Book, he isn't there. You made the decision to not be at the scene. Stop narrating as if he is.

Remember that you will die. They now seemed more of a promise than the mild reminder from the Meat Market.

They "seemed" more of a promise? They're written on a fucking bullet, Hunt, I don't know how much more on-the-nose it could possibly get.

Bryce starts assembling the rifle and running around. Apparently she's using magic powers to do it, idk. She loads the bullet up and gets ready to fire.

And in the two seconds it took Bryce to line up her shot, in the two seconds it took for her to loose a steadying breath, Hunt knew those seconds were Lehabah’s.

Yeah, you've officially killed the awesomeness of the moment, book. Yes, you had a tertiary character make a heroic sacrifice. Stop preening.

Bryce shoots Micah through the head.

And apparently killing an archangel has the power to warp time, or something. Idk. It mostly seems like an excuse to describe everything in the book as if it were in slow motion in a movie.

The Godslayer bullet was still burrowing through Micah’s skull. Still twisting through bone and brain matter, dragging time in its wake. Then Bryce stood at the office’s blown-out window. A sword in both hands. Danika’s sword—she must have left it in the gallery on her last day alive. And Bryce must have stashed it in Jesiba’s office, where it had stayed hidden for two years. Hunt saw every minute expression on Sabine’s face, the widening of her pupils, the flow of her corn-silk hair as she reeled at the sight of the missing heirloom—

Oh yeah, I forgot about that plot point. So glad we had Sabine around to randomly harp on it so the book could pretend it was foreshadowing this pointless reveal. Clearly an excellent use of wordcount on all fronts.

Anyway, Bryce leaps from the balcony and chops Micah with the sword. Hunt decides that the synth is taking over.

Bryce. His Bryce. His friend and … everything they had that was more than that. She was his and he was hers

Jon and Ygritte did it better. And I'm not even particularly into that ship.

Bryce still leapt, still kept cutting through Micah’s body. His blood rained upward. In normal time, it would have splattered. But in this warped existence, the Archangel’s blood rose like ruby bubbles, showering Bryce’s face, filling her screaming mouth.

Sure, whatever.

In this warped existence, he could see the synth heal every sliced, bruised place on Bryce as she cut her way down through Micah. Cut him in half.

But not the cut on her leg, though, we need that for drama.

Oop, nevermind, it has healed her leg now. Guess we don't need it for drama anymore. Bryce keeps chopping Micah, and it soon becomes apparent that the synth is not taking her over.

Hypaxia murmured, “The antidote is working. It’s working on her.” Hunt swayed then. He said to the witch, “I thought you were only sending over the venom.”

Hunt clearly needs to work on his listening skills.

It had taken almost three minutes for the antidote to wholly destroy the synth in Hypaxia’s clinic. Neither Hunt nor the witch-queen took their eyes off Bryce long enough to count the minutes until the synth had vanished from her body entirely.

Luckily, you can count minutes in your head while looking at other things. Can you and Hypaxia not count, Hunt?

Bryce walks over to a supply closet, where there is apparently a heap of gasoline. Why an antiquities dealer would have gasoline on hand, I have no idea. I mean, the answer is obviously so we could have a cinematic moment of Bryce walking away from the burning building but uh. No in-universe reason.

Flames erupted. The fireproofing enchantments on the art around her shimmered.

Well, it's good to see that Jesiba isn't an idiot. But, again. Convenient.

No one, not even Sandriel, spoke a word as Bryce took out the vacuum from the supply closet. And erased the last trace of Micah from the world.

Okay, this is admittedly a pretty funny image. But, uh.... the gasoline fire? Did that just politely stop?

Anyway, next chapter. Bryce is dealing with the aftermath of all the stuff.

She’d gone up to Jesiba’s office afterward, to hold Syrinx, stroking his fur, kissing his still-damp head, whispering repeatedly, “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

I'd like to take this moment to point out that, narratively speaking, the life of Bryce's dog was deemed more worth saving than Lehabah's life. She wouldn't leave Syrinx but was fine with leaving Lehabah. Well, not fine, but she saw it as an acceptable trade for the life of her dog. She didn't even try to save Lehabah, just moved on as if this was the inevitable course of action. Wonderful trait to have in an allegedly sympathetic protagonist.

So Bryce trudged back upstairs. Her leg was healed. Every ache was gone; the synth was cleansed from her system— Bryce puked into the trash can beside her desk.

*sighs* Yup. Clearly making up for lost time.

Bryce marvels at the fact that no one seems to have come to investigate the chaos that took place at the gallery, and when she goes outside, it becomes apparent that everyone else has bigger problems to deal with.

Of course, while it's obviously a demon portal, we don't get to that yet, because we switch back to Hunt at the summit. Because the book isn't fucking long enough yet, I guess, no, we've gotta have even more padding.

Chaos reigned at the Summit. The Asterian Guard had flown off, presumably to get instructions from their masters, and Sandriel just gaped at the feed that had shown Bryce Quinlan casually vacuuming up the ashes of a Governor as if she’d spilled chips on the carpet.

Book. Again. The scenes are a lot more awesome when you don't keep pointing them out in case we missed them. We saw it the first time. You don't get a cookie for writing a vaguely entertaining scene for once.

There's a bit of everyone being all shell-shocked and stuff. Sandriel and Pollux and her triarii just walk out without Hunt. Wow. So glad we got all the drama of him being her slave again. It added so much to the story. Oh he tries to convince us that Sandriel is totally going to take over from Micah, and I'm sure she will (even though she's already got her own domain elsewhere, but w/e). But I'm not too worried. If she's twice as scary as she was in this book she'll be roughly on par with an angry chihuahua.

Fuck, Hypaxia even has the key to his magic shackles. Why? Who knows. I don't care anymore.

And then we get yet another teaser that something has gone Horribly Wrong, but this time, it's a chapter break. So it'll have to wait until next time.