snufkins-bepsi

[snufkins-bepsi]

June 9th

i dont have any grand statement im very tired but i got sister by sonic youth on vinyl

[snufkins-bepsi]

June 8th 2025

i think im gaining weight and honestly today has just not been a good day for me body image and metallywise because i was at this grad party for this friend ive known since like 8th grade and she was like oh dude my dad makes the best mac and cheese have some and i was like okay and then there was cake later and i made a shitty grilled cheese before i went because my little sister wanted lunch and then this guy i could only describe as gen z adam green from moldy peaches and like teenage adam not like 2001 adam like when they first got together and they were making jokes about how he was really skinny and i thought it was kind of funny until he literally went in the bathroom and found out he was like 97 pounds which is nuts but it just really instilled how much i felt like shit about my weight and then i tried to go to the bathroom and someones mom walked in on me and its just all around not a good function like me and the one dude i really knew at the party just went through facebook marketplace the whole time anyways my dad came in for like 10 minutes while i was writing this and i lost my train of thought so thats it for today i didnt get to make any art because i woke up at like 1 and left the house at like 4 to go that shitty party

[snufkins-bepsi]

June 7th 2025 (not really but i havent gone to bed yet so its still today)

Today was my birthday I turned 17 so ive decided to start a project where I write an online journal of the next year of my life because 17 feels like a very final year considering it's the last year of being a kid (at least legally) and i'm going into senior year in the fall so it's also the last year of traditional requiredish schooling

Preamble out of the way heres how my day went

My band had this gig today after we had a gig yesterday both benefit shows might i add so i was already a little bit beat if your wondering my band does like punk pop punk noiseish shit think anywhere from 90s sonic youth to early fob anyways this gig is at a church and by church i mean rec center beside a church just outside my hometown we got there at around 230 and doors were at 4 because you always want to show up early out of respect my band went on 6th out of 7 bands so i was gonna be there awhile honestly i wouldve shown up around doors if my friends and bandmates didnt have a different side project kicking off the whole show their set was good they usually do kinda like indie/folk not to be confused stomp clap hey indie folk they do like either indie music or folk music think elephant 6 but like less wizardy if that makes sense but they like ditched that sound and tried to make their set shoegaze it was fine i wish they wouldve rehearsed it or the show started later because i swear to god i was the only one there for the first song and then like 5 people were there the rest of the set because like the whole crowd was outside smoking pot anyways yadda yadda we get to my bands set which im gonna be honest i lowkey dissociated during #mentalhealth :P until of course this really heavy noisy song in our set where i have to scream and like fugazi tweak the whole time ending up with me on the floor playing the song spazzing with and what id see at the end was a broken strap button on my guitar so i couldnt keep it up while standing so i had to play the last 2 songs sitting by my guitar pedals and then the last song that i kinda play leads on i threw the guitar on the floor and just tried singing because my harmonies are a very important part in that song but then i was like man this sucks so i tried running across the stage to grab a backup guitar from the other guys side project they had for spare but it was new strings so it wasnt in tune and its like almost the guitar solo so i couldn't tune it and i ended up trying to duel solo that section all while mind you a projector is playing regular show clips in the back people said it was a good show im inclined to not believe them but eh after that i was justifiably pissed so i went out for a walk in a suburb that roleplays as a small town that is really still inner-city and got a slushee from speedway and a really shitty photo of the church

because i also want to include if i can a piece of art i make everyday this year probably wont happen but ill atleast write after that i was talking to this dude i hardly know from some other band and his girlfriend and i assume his girlfriends aunt and she just hands me whats got to be like 5 bucks in change because she found out it was my birthday this is definatley rambling on but anyway my dad drives me home my mom i think made a gay joke at me because im wearing my boyfriends shirt but

a. i'm not out to her because

b. my parents are homophobic trump supporters

but after that i went to bed and started writing this and i think i'm done now sorry if it was long rambly and like no punctuation i'm writing on my shitty phone because its 1am and i dont want to get out my even shittier laptop it'll get better (hopefully)