sociallyawkwardms

[sociallyawkwardms]

Oh. I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to bother you. I really meant it when I said I loved you, but I just can’t believe that you’d love me back. No literally, I hear the words coming out of your mouth but my brain refuses to comprehend it. I don’t believe it. I can’t believe it. Because my broken brain insists on telling that I’m unlovable. Too broken to be loved. Who would want to love me? I’m just sad all the time and possibly needy. It’s okay if you don’t love me. I understand, really. But I appreciate you trying.

[sociallyawkwardms]

me seeing purple flowers on a lawn: that’s the prettiest thing i’ve ever seen

me seeing sunlight hit the waves of the sea: that’s the prettiest thing i’ve ever seen

me seeing raindrops sparkle colorfully on a bus stop bench at night: that’s the

[sociallyawkwardms]

“I don’t learn this in school :(“

Hey here’s a question what steps have you taken to increase your education and knowledge since graduating?

[sociallyawkwardms]

[sociallyawkwardms]

reblog if you believe people who graduated from high schools or colleges should still have free access to the schools’ / colleges’ libraries for the rest of their lives

[sociallyawkwardms]

I know it's late to say, but I hope that Hbomb's video will encourage people to not only cite their sources but also have a good source to begin with. Don't tell me Snow White is 14 years old and then show a screenshot of a featured snippet from Google that leads back to Screenrant.com. Don't tell me Judy Garland was forced to take drugs and smoke 80 cigarettes a day by MGM and have your source be social osmosis or "Hundreds of other videos say so!" Where's that info from? Does it's source truly make sense as a source? Are there more reliable routes for sources to take outside of looking online, like reading books about the subject from people involved or seasoned/trusted in the topic? I know "Google is free", but that doesn't mean it's always good for research. Try Google Scholar at least...

[sociallyawkwardms]

One of the things that I really wish more people knew about bubonic plague* is that not everybody who got it before antibiotics died. Like your odds were not good. You had a better than fifty percent chance of dying. But you had around a one in four to one in three chance of living. For you, an individual with the plague, this is bad. I hope your will is up to date and you have made your peace with the divine.

But on a societal level after a plague epidemic, there were going to be a lot of people who had gotten the plague and survived. And plague frequently did not leave its victims unscathed. Plague often left its survivors with severe medical problems, including neurological problems. So in the aftermath of a large epidemic of plague, you are going to have a society that is suddenly much smaller, full of people who have boatloads of trauma, and suddenly with a much higher proportion of people with disabilities. And I'm not sure why but when I see discussions of the societal effects of plague epidemics in the Medieval and Early Modern periods, I rarely see that last one discussed. I think, however, it was probably pretty important to the experience of the plague and its aftermath.

*I am talking specifically about bubonic plague. Plague comes in three forms, all caused by the bacteria Y. pestis. The other two forms of plague, pneumonic, and septisemic had 100% or near 100% mortality rates before modern medicine.

[sociallyawkwardms]

Last night was my company Holiday Party, and we're doing really well, so it was held at the Museum of Fine Arts (Boston)

I was so happy that also included the Styled by Sargent exhibit, of John Singer Sargent paintings and the actual articles of clothing alongside them.

Now, you have probably seen this painting of Lady Macbeth

But have you seen the costume she's wearing??

It's gorgeous, obviously.

But that texture! It's *crochet*

And some knitting

Really simple crochet too; just a chain and single crochet lattice with beads and metallic thread added for this chain mail effect.

Despite John Singer Sargent being an expert painter of fabric (no, really, just look at it), I never knew Lady Macbeth's costume had to be *hand crocheted* for that texture in the painting.

Anyway I'm gonna be making myself some faux-chainmail by crocheting it for the next Renn Faire

[sociallyawkwardms]

Lately, I noticed that everybody looks okay until you eventually have a deep conversation with them. And then, you realize that this is a sad generation of people struggling to survive through smiling faces and pretty pictures.

[sociallyawkwardms]

[sociallyawkwardms]

advice from dad

So, my Dad is a 73-year-old Mexican man who has lived here since he was 16. He was in Watts during the riots in 1965; in 1992, when I was in LA, as soon as the Rodney King verdict was announced, he called me, told me what was coming, told me how to stay safe. He has survived horrible living conditions, being kidnapped, physical abuse, prejudice, discrimination. He learned English, got his green card, pays his taxes, works hard, and has three daughters. 

I thought he would be devastated today.

But he wasn’t.

He saw that I was sad and angry, and he asked me why, pretending he had no idea. I almost started crying. And then he said, “no se me chicopale.” 

It means, don’t lose heart. Don’t give in to despair.

I asked him why he wasn’t upset.

He said, basically, “The world has always been this way. There are always people who are afraid, who are racist, who are awful. This is not new. And it will never go away. He won. We can’t do anything about that. All we can do is what we can do. Fight for what matters to us. Take care of each other. And don’t lose heart. And here, I got these unsalted cashews for you and a bag of jamaica drink mix and can you show me how to use the new washing machine because it’s not working.”

And, for reasons I can’t articulate, I feel a little better. 

[sociallyawkwardms]

saw this on Facebook and thought "wow that's pretty helpful I'm going to share it on tumblr, i'll just crop off the thing about the tick that got left out" but then I read the comments and decided I had to share those too because same

[sociallyawkwardms]

i loved one direction with an all-consuming force when i was younger. it hurts deeply to mourn someone you were a massive fan of as teenager, and became a peer of as an adult.

i know people change and grief is unsure or complicated when it’s attached to a fond memory or the feeling a person gave you and not tangibly the person themself. i can see many of you on here are struggling with that right now and i understand.

a few years ago i purchased a home that Liam previously owned. there were rumors the house was haunted. He assured me it was not, and i believed him. because i know the ghosts that haunt us aren’t tethered to buildings. They live in parts of us that are harder to reach and they go wherever we do.

as a parent, a fellow artist, and a fan, i simply cannot fathom this untimely loss. my heart goes out to his family, friends, and the fans. 💔

[sociallyawkwardms]

I’m a female and much more fearless than my dad.

Being raised to be fearful of everything and everyone around me.

The toxic mindset that the world is scary rather than a beautiful place full of unique possibilities. So much to uncover. So much to see and learn.

Makes forming any type of relationship with anyone harder as you enter their presence already scared of what they want from you.

Having to reprogram your own brain to think otherwise but it’s a lifelong journey because the scarring is already there.

[sociallyawkwardms]

Michael Parenti on the extraction of wealth from the so-called Third World by Western Capitalism. [video]

[sociallyawkwardms]

[link]

[sociallyawkwardms]

Homesickness

Yes. Yes. And Yes.

I have moved from one city to another. I have experienced a family change. I have experienced a job change. I have experienced the loss of someone close to me who I have come to associate with safety and comfort. And this has resulted in feelings of sadness, anxiousness, and a longing for home.

Whatever that is anymore.