sofipasternack

[sofipasternack]

Top-Tier Villain Motivations

They will be safe. It doesn't matter who else or what else burns as long as They will be safe.

I will be safe. The hunger and the cold will never touch me again.

Fuck any bitch who's prettier(/cooler/better-liked/better at making dumplings) than me.

Yes, Master

Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. LOVE ME!

I know the terrible things these so-called "heroes" will do if I don't stop them (<- is absolutely wrong)

I don't want a better future, I want a better past!

No other way to get performance art funded these days

[sofipasternack]

To permanently get rid of vampires, it was once common practice to plant trees in their ashes. Centuries later, identifying which trees contain imprisoned vampires is now a major problem for the lumber industry.

[sofipasternack]

Your door is kicked down(literally) as the hero enters and volunteers you for the quest to save the world, as the one designated in the ancient prophecy. Then your window is smashed in as the dark lord enters to volunteer you to destroy the world, in accordance with the ancient prophecy.

[sofipasternack]

“goy” and “gentile” are not slurs, but with your help, they could be! with these five easy steps—

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[sofipasternack]

Source: This

[sofipasternack]

oh my god

We really need to come up with horrendous misunderstandings of men’s anatomy to put in fiction books and refuse to stop until there are no more sentient boobs

[sofipasternack]

I wrote two kids’ books with a visibly bisexual male character if anyone is interested in that 💁🏼‍♀️

Make more male bi characters you cowards

[sofipasternack]

How it started

How it’s going

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[sofipasternack]

My new, totally uneducated guess for why humans tell stories is to keep them from getting bored and cranky while following a gazelle for four hours. No deeper mystery or meaning. Some folk needed a distraction while they tried to catch dinner so they just made some shit up. The end.

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[sofipasternack]

My Favorite Character Dynamics

[sofipasternack]

I have read the biblical books of Samuel and thus concluded;

King David is:

Such a dramatic bitch that he wrote 150 psalms for no fucking reason

The amount of songs he wrote is innumerable and that is extra as fuck

Is so good at playing the kinnor (its basically an ancient lute) that he could banish demons with it.

Chaotic neutral on a good day

Notoriously hot

Made a habit of running into the woods when something went wrong.

Petty as fuck

Managed to gain a following of four hundred outlaws to follow him and rebel against the king on his charisma alone

Look, am I saying King David is a bard? Well... yes. Yes that’s exactly what I’m saying.