softlyunspokenforyou

[softlyunspokenforyou]

I didn’t break,

you dropped me.

And when I shattered,

you asked why I was so loud about it.

You left me with

a mouth full of silence,

screaming in a room

no one else seemed to hear.

And now you ask

why I didn’t come running

but I was crawling,

trying to pick up

the pieces you stepped over.

You sold my peace

for thirty dollars and a lie,

called it a gift,

said it was for *us.*

But love doesn’t clock out

when it’s inconvenient.

And I’m not a ghost

haunting the house you abandon

every time you want to feel powerful.

I didn’t break.

You dropped me.

And I stayed where I landed

because even on the floor,

I know who I am.

And that’s more than I can say for you.

[softlyunspokenforyou]

apologize to her

i'll pour myself into your glass you can drink of me if you wish i want to see me on your tongue dribbling down your chin

i think i'm going to be sick i can't stand this anymore let's just get rid of me again i was never meant to get this far

stomp my head into the dirt say sorry to the white clover as my brains spill out into the earth the sapling wriggling in gray matter

i don't want to wake up tonight so i'll never fall asleep again i'll breathe you in until we choke on the air neither of us can share

[softlyunspokenforyou]

I left the porch light on,

not because I expect you,

but because

some things are just meant to glow.

I folded the blanket

you never used

and set it on the couch

like maybe one day

you’ll need to rest again.

I don’t check my phone

as much as I used to.

But I still turn the sound on at night

just in case.

You were never mine to keep

just someone I got to hold

for a while,

like sunlight

before the clouds rolled in.

And I don’t blame the sky

for being grey.

I just miss the warmth.

If you ever come back,

there won’t be questions.

No lectures, no weight.

Just coffee in the pot,

and your name

sitting quietly in the air

Because it never left.

I won’t wait.

But I’ll be here.

And I’ll still remember

how soft I felt

when you let me see the part of you

no one else ever stayed long enough

to notice.

[softlyunspokenforyou]

I am full of love

with nowhere to place it.

A house with the lights on

but no one at the door.

One gone in pieces,

the other here in silence,

and me,

still reaching.

I don’t want forever.

I just want

someone to want me back,

while I’m still warm.

But right now,

What do I do with my hands?

[softlyunspokenforyou]

Maybe this time

he won’t talk over me.

Maybe he won’t start with

"Yeah, well, I felt that way too"

or

"But remember when you..."

like my pain’s just a mirror for his guilt.

Maybe he’ll actually hear me

when I say I was hurt.

When I say I cried on my fucking birthday

because he made me feel like

I didn’t matter.

Like I was something inconvenient

he had to deal with

instead of someone he wanted to celebrate.

Maybe he’ll sit in it.

Maybe he’ll just say,

"Yeah. I did that. And I hate that I did."

Maybe he’ll realize

how much I gave him.

How many times I forgave

what I should’ve walked away from.

Maybe he’ll look at me

and see the girl

who kept showing up

even when she had every reason not to.

Maybe, for once,

he won’t need me to bleed

just to prove I’m still soft.

Maybe this time,

he’ll hold me

like he knows

he almost lost me.

And maybe

fuck

maybe this time

I won’t have to cry

for him to understand

what he broke.

I know he won't.

Why do I feel like,

I still have to try?

[softlyunspokenforyou]

i am all too familiar with the dull aching loneliness of a quiet summer night

[softlyunspokenforyou]

[softlyunspokenforyou]

[softlyunspokenforyou]

all i love about you is the skin you wear / i wish someone would wear it better than you

i miss how it used to be and this is so cliche it could make me sick it would if i hadn't thrown up in the ditch

i wish i didn't have to lie to myself i wish you didn't let me believe something that you know is wrong because you feel too bad to correct me

all i needed was a firm hand and soft words you gave me the opposite, even after i told you it doesn't matter what i say, i know this but you could at least pretend you heard

i'm tired of dealing with half hearted attempts at reconnecting in these ways that make no sense is it so hard to follow simple instructions? is it so hard for you to stop and listen?

i know it doesn't matter, i'll do it again i'll throw myself at you, because i never learn and i'll let you keep treating me this way until someone comes along and does it better than you

[softlyunspokenforyou]

It wasn’t just loss.

It was amputation.

The kind that leaves you

reaching for a limb

you forgot isn’t there anymore.

He wasn’t just my brother.

He was the only person

who spoke the same language

and eye contact that could speak it

He was the only one

who could pull me out

by saying something so off-the-wall

I’d forget I was hurting

until I laughed hard enough to choke on it.

He was laughter in the middle of hell.

He was the “you good?”

that didn’t need to be said out loud.

He was the proof that someone

really knew me

not the version I perform,

but the weird, raw, messed-up girl

who needed nothing more than to feel safe

in someone’s presence.

And then he was gone.

Not slowly.

Not in a way I could prepare for.

Just

gone.

Like someone pulled a string

and unraveled half my soul in one motion.

The world kept going,

which felt like betrayal.

People said, “he’s in a better place,”

but they weren’t the ones

waking up in a room

that suddenly echoed.

They didn’t hear the silence

where his voice used to live.

They didn’t see him

in every ridiculous thing

I still text him about,

there's no response

They dont feel the weight

of carrying his memory

in my chest like an open wound

I have to pretend isn’t bleeding.

He made this world make sense.

And now it doesn’t.

I’m still here.

But something vital isn’t.

I'm missing an organ

And I don't know which one

Because it wasn’t just that I loved him.

It’s that he got me.

And now that he’s gone,

I don’t know if anyone else ever will.

[softlyunspokenforyou]

underground

There’s a version of me

buried so far beneath

what people can tolerate,

Ive started to forget

what sunlight feels like.

I carry this creature

this howling, wet,

tortured creature

in the pit of me.

It claws when I smile.

It bites when I try to rest.

No one ever taught me

what to do with pain

that doesn’t want to be healed.

That doesn’t get better

with deep breaths,

or warm baths,

or coping skills.

This isn’t a cry for help.

It’s a whisper from the basement

of a house that’s already burned down.

You want to know what it’s like

It’s peeling myself off the floor

at 2am,

not because I believe in tomorrow,

but because I’m too tired to die

and too ashamed to admit I want to.

It’s looking in the mirror

and not recognizing the shape of my own eyes,

because whatever was behind them

left a long time ago.

It’s the dull thud of existing

for everyone

but myself

I am the echo

of a little girl they forgot to check on.

The aftermath of being needed

and never wanted.

The weight that kept the room balanced,

but was never invited to sit down.

I don’t want comfort.

I want silence.

I want the noise in my chest to stop.

I want peace

like a locked room

no one can find me in.

I don’t want to be found.

I want to be gone.

Not missed.

Just…

unnecessary.

[softlyunspokenforyou]

How Dare I Still Be Breathing

Every morning I wake up,

I lose.

Another fucking failure

to die in my sleep.

Another chance to drag

this corpse of a self

through the theater of the living

while everyone claps

for the performance

they think I’m giving.

I am not strong.

I am not resilient.

I am punishment made flesh.

I am what happens

when pain gets bored

and starts painting faces

on knives.

There’s no joy here.

Just muscle memory.

My lungs inhale like traitors.

My heart ticks like a bomb

I’m too much of a coward

to finish wiring.

They ask what’s wrong.

I say “I’m tired.”

They don’t know

that’s code for

I want out.

I want silence so pure

it can’t be broken by my name.

I want a world where I was never born

where no one had to learn

to stop expecting anything from me.

My body is a mausoleum

for the girl I used to be.

She’s in here somewhere

face down, hands over ears,

sick of screaming.

But I’m still walking,

so they call it recovery.

Still answering texts,

so they think I’m trying.

Still here

and that’s the fucking curse, isn’t it

I didn’t survive.

I was left behind

by the part of me

that mattered.

And no one noticed

she’s gone.

[softlyunspokenforyou]

"the weight of being seen”

i learn to scream in silence

with my teeth behind my tongue,

because the first time i asked for help

they called it drama,

and the second time

they didn’t come.

i carry my grief

like a goddamn professional

polished, articulate,

smiling through broken glass,

and still they ask

why i'm always bleeding.

they loved me

for my humor,

my solutions,

my chaos dressed like charm

but never once asked

who held me

when the charm fell off.

i am tired

of surviving without witness.

of tending a heart

that everyone keeps leaving

like a room they borrowed

and never cleaned up after.

i miss my brother,

the one person who

could make me laugh

while the world collapsed

and now i laugh

into a void

that does not echo.

i am good story

in a world that never bothered

to read the pages.

I am a sharp tool

used until worn down,

then blamed for no longer cutting clean.

and still.

i exist.

still, i wake.

still, i ache

because feeling is a language

i cannot to unlearn,

no matter how many

times i try to convince myself

that numbness is safer.

and that?

that’s love.

not theirs

mine.

for the world.

for people.

for myself, in flickers.

and it’s still here.

buried. burning.

but never gone.

[softlyunspokenforyou]

I loved you like fog loves the morning

softly,

without asking permission.

You touched me once

like a secret,

then vanished

as if I was never meant to keep you

only to remember you

in quiet.

Now I build temples

from the air you left behind.

I speak to the wind,

just in case you’re listening.

I don't ache like I did

not loudly.

It’s a hush now.

A ghost blush on my ribs

where your name used to echo.

I think you were a dream.

I think I was yours.

But dreams don’t stay,

and neither did you.

Still,

some nights,

the stars lean just right

and I almost

forgive you.

[softlyunspokenforyou]

Esmyrrh had always imagined it would feel like flying, finally touching the soul she’d been circling for years. And in a way, it did. That night with Javvy wasn’t just a moment, it was the moment. The one that makes all the others blur. The one you write poems about, then burn because they’re never enough.

But Javvy was smoke. She should’ve known that. You don’t hold smoke, you just get surrounded by it.

She woke up to silence. No note. No call. Not even the echo of his goodbye. Just the scent of him lingering in her sheets like a trick her mind kept replaying.

She waited.

A day turned into a week. Then longer.

At first, she told herself he was scared. Maybe he didn’t know how to love someone who saw through him. Maybe he was trying to be kind by disappearing. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe.

But even the kindest ghosts leave footprints. Javvy didn’t.

Eventually, Esmyrrh did the hardest thing of all: She stopped looking for reasons. She decided maybe Javvy never really liked her, not the way she liked him. Not enough to stay. And if he did, well, then his absence said more than any confession could.

And that’s when Ben found her again.

Ben was the kind of man who didn’t ask if you were okay, he "decided" you were. He filled her days with warmth and weight. Took her broken edges and tried to glue them with promises. And maybe she was too tired to say no. Or maybe she just wanted someone who stayed.

But Ben’s hands got tighter every time she flinched. Every time she looked out the window too long. Every time she whispered Javvy’s name in her sleep.

He held her like a prize. Like something he "won"

Not something he understood.

And somewhere, not too far but never near enough, Javvy sat with silence as loud as his guilt. He told himself he left to protect her from the wreckage he always brought. But truth is, he left because she made him feel "real". And that kind of intimacy scared him more than any consequence ever had.

Now he’s haunted by the memory of her breath on his collarbone. Her laugh. The way she looked at him like he wasn’t a monster.

And he wonders if maybe, if he had just stayed a little longer…

Maybe he’d still be holding her.

Instead of the ghost of what could’ve been.

[softlyunspokenforyou]

Works in Progress:

Justice Blunts 3/12

Judge Momo and the Hoodrat Court 4/?

Intergalactic Adventures of Judge Momo Prime 3/3

The True Origin of the Hoodrat Court

How I Found Myself Facing Felony Charges : a Wild Ride

Tales of Closure : Javvy Saga

A Desperate Plea for Mercy for My Enemy

[softlyunspokenforyou]

Whatever this was..

You looked at me

like you’d been searching forever.

Like I was something

you weren’t sure existed

until I spoke your name

like a secret.

No one had ever seen me like that.

Not with fear.

Not with pity.

But with wonder—

as if I was real

for the first time.

And then—

the silence.

Not loud,

not cruel,

just… gone.

Like the feeling you get

when you wake from a dream

you weren’t ready to leave.

I told you I wasn’t afraid.

That if there was ruin ahead,

I’d still walk toward it.

You thought I didn’t mean it—

but I would’ve stayed

through the wreckage

just to call it *ours.*

Now I sit with the shadow

of whatever this was—

hands full of almost,

heart full of noise

you no longer hear.

Maybe you were afraid to love me.

Maybe I was too easy to love.

Maybe I made you feel too much,

too fast,

too close

to something real.

Whatever it was,

I hope it finds you again.

Even if I don’t