sometimesicry-noimeanwrite

[sometimesicry-noimeanwrite]

Nightmare

They're coming. Where is Tavvy? Ty, Livvy! No. No. Dru please no. Everything is going too fast. Helen? Is that you? Why are you screaming? Helen, please! Blood, demons. Mark, where are you? Please, please, save him. Emma. No! 

Julian bolted upright. His heart was beating so fast. His kids. He had to make sure his kids were okay. Please don’t be gone, please be safe. Julian moved to get out of bed, falling on his unsteady legs. Suddenly, it was all too much. The tears started falling. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. They were falling so hard Julian could barely breathe. He was gasping for air when the door opened.

“No,” Julian whimpered, “No. If you're a demon I can’t die. The kids they, they need me. Please. Don’t make them go on without me.”

His sobs started again, stronger. The force of them shook his entire body. 

The figure approached, and Julian started begging in earnest, “Please. They don’t have anyone else.” 

It crouched down to meet his eye line.

Mark's voice whispered, “Brother Julian. You are alright. All of the kids are safe. You are safe. I am here now. Your older brother is here now I promise. I am here, I won’t leave you. I promise.”

“Mark. Tell me it’s you. Don’t be a demon. Even if you are, just pretend to be my brother. I need a minute. That’s all. Just, just,” Julian was shaking. 

He could feel his little brother's pain. In a way, Mark hadn’t before. He could see the way Julian had forced himself to grow up. His little brother had become a parent through the situation he’d been forced into. He could remember what he would do when they were kids, but he wasn’t sure if it would still work. Mark decided that he had nothing to lose. 

It was more than a feeling, it was instinct. Mark moved closer to his brother. He reached out for Julian’s arm. 

“C’mere,” It seemed he found something to break him completely from Faery speaking.

Julian gasped again.

“I have you little brother. I’ve got you,” Mark whispered. He pulled Julian against his chest, forcing his brother to give him his weight. 

The older of the two placed his head against his brother's shoulder and grabbed his hands. A soft sob made its way out of Julian. It was the cry of someone who was used to crying in secret. His little brother had the cries of someone who didn’t rely on anyone else, who was so used to being the strong one in the room. Mark held his brother through the flood of emotions. He just continued to try and talk his brother through his tears. 

Slowly he felt the shaking slow down. The sobs started to even out into breaths. Mark turned Julian into his arms. He moved off his knees and laid his brother on the bed. He paused and considered walking away when he felt something grab his wrist. 

“Stay.”

So he did. Mark stayed with his younger brother through the night, holding him against the terrors of his mind.

[sometimesicry-noimeanwrite]

The Rat's Betrayal

When the mark appeared Peter was horrified. He knew this would happen, but if he had said no they would have asked Remus, and he couldn’t put this on Remus. So when Peter saw the mark above his flat he pulled his wand out and walked in. He believed he was ready to face what was on the other side of the door. He was wrong.

The door handle was freezing, this might have been to be expected given that it was October, but it felt more sinister than that. The creaking noise the door made when opened almost sounded like a warning to run as far as possible before whatever lay ahead could grab you. Peter hesitated once the door opened to reveal the dark interior of the place he could never call home again, he almost walked away, until he saw who was in his living room. His best friend, someone he had hoped for more with, was standing in the middle of the room, frozen. 

“Don’t worry, he won’t remember a thing,” Came a voice from behind Remus. The person stepped into view to reveal a ghostly white man with remarkably snake-like features. 

It took a moment for Peter to find his voice, but once he did he said, “What d-do you w-w-want?” 

The response he got was cold laughter and a mocking tone asking what Peter thought Voldemort would want. He couldn’t though, he couldn’t tell Voldemort where to find James and Lily. So he looked at the snakelike man and said nothing. Peter stood, finally defiant, while Voldemort laughed, but soon he was standing wand against wand ready for a duel.

“Expelliarmus!” The other voice screamed as Peter’s wand flew out of his hand. Peter watched as the other man turned to Remus with a cruel smile on his face. “Cru-”

“Wait!” The scream tore its way out of Peter’s throat before he could think. “Don’t hurt him!”

Voldemort didn’t lower his wand when he said, “He doesn’t need to be hurt, Peter, you're bringing this on him yourself. All you have to do is tell me where to find Potter and that mudblood. Then I’ll let the half breed go.” 

“Do you want anything else? Please! Anything else, I’ll give you anything!”

The sound of Voldemort's laughter echoed around the room, “Oh, Wormtail, what more do you have to give?” 

He reached out with a pale hand, and grabbed Peter’s wrist, forcing him to see the mark. Peter stared in horror at his greatest shame with tears burning his eyes.

[sometimesicry-noimeanwrite]

He's Not Here

On his eighteenth birthday, Steve had been contemplating what to write when he felt his left forearm tingle. Every thought is a dream, rushing by in a stream. Bringing life to our kingdom of doing. Take a ride in the sky, on our ship. All your dreams will come true, miles away. The first words he could see that his soulmate had written. They were beautiful. Now Steve had to find the perfect thing to respond with. 

 Two weeks passed, and Steve received this: The endless hours of heartache. waiting for you. My summer love has turned to rain, all the pain. The silent emptiness of one sided love. My life means nothing now you’re gone. It was then he decided it didn’t need to be perfect. He couldn’t allow his unnamed soulmate to suffer because he was a coward. Steve decided to explain how he was terrible with words and that even on a good day he could barely read. He hoped that his soulmate would understand.

Steve had barely uncapped the pen when he felt his right arm tingle. He rolled his sleeve to see a drawing. More than that, a breathtaking piece of art, a hand holding a rose, incredibly detailed, each line obviously thought out. It was so amazing all he could do was stare. 

Then, before his eyes, he saw a new word appear, Hello.

That’s some depressing ass shit you wrote there. You good? The newcomer wrote. 

Steve watched as the two continued to have a conversation, unaware that he was there. He had nothing to write. Steve would never be as good with words or as gifted with a pen as his soulmates. Let alone the fact that they had each other now. They didn’t need him. It would be better if Steve stayed quiet. 

Barely a month had passed since Steve discovered he had two soulmates. Every day he watched as they exchanged words for pictures, but Steve had decided he was fine. Steve wasn't going to tell them just so he could die from the Upside Down or Billy Hargrove. He would prefer them to be happily unaware of his presence.

~~~ 

When Dustin came to him with the stupid baby monster Steve couldn’t say he was surprised. He never thought they would ever get away from the Upside Down. It was why he still kept his bat in the trunk of his car and slept with all of his lights on. Steve was alarmed when Dustin came into the ice cream shop screaming about Russians under the mall. Eventually, though, that ended like it always did. Steve gets the shit beat out of him, this time gaining a new friend in the process, and then the kids tell him what happened later. 

Now there was calm. Steve would check on Max and Billy because their father died and it was the right thing to do. Sometimes he would drive Max to school when Billy was at work but that was it. Maybe, every once in a while he needed to check on Billy but he figured it was a normal feeling to have, the man had almost died. 

Instead of focusing on something he didn’t want to focus on, Steve just continued on. Even when Steve got a glance at Billy's sketchbook and saw something he recognized. No, it was senior year Steve and Billy were graduating. Steve needed to focus on something that would hopefully improve his life later. 

Steve was finally out of high school. He worked with Robin at Family Video while Billy worked as a mechanic on the next street over, and he had officially reached a full year of ignoring his soulmates. That was something Steve didn't know how to feel about. Every day he witnessed these two people bond more and more, without him. It was his choice, he was fine. At least he told himself that every time he watched them exchange pen strokes. Instead of throwing himself at the feet of these two strangers, Steve decided to focus on his job.

"See Robin, this system works better."

Robin just looked at him, "Sure dingus, sure."  

Somehow that conversation led to Robin finding out about his soulmates. Steve was never sure how she did it. 

~~~

Robin and Steve were working when Dustin came running in. Yelling something about phones and finding Eddie. The very same Eddie that had been mentioned on the news seconds before Dustin and Max burst through the door. The Eddie that was currently wanted for murder. Eddie Munson, the man Steve is now driving to find at a convicted drug dealer's house. 

Naturally, the situation just got worse when they got to the house. No one was inside, and they were leaving when they noticed a small boat shed which would likely be where Eddie was. The group walked into the dark shed, Steve remembering they were looking for a possible murderer grabbed an oar. 

“Hey, look over here,” Max said, “Someone was here.”

Robin walked over, “Maybe he heard us, got spooked, and ran.”

“Don’t worry Steve’ll get him with his oar,” Dustin remarked sarcastically.

“I know you think you're being funny Henerson, but considering the fact that everyone in this room has almost died about a hundred times, personally I don’t find it funny in the-” 

It was then that Eddie jumped out of his hiding place pushing a broken bottle to Steve’s neck. 

“Hey, Eddie, Eddie, it’s me, Dustin. This is Steve. He’s not going to hurt you. Right, Steve?”

Steve nodded and made a noise he hoped could be taken for a yes. Then dropped his oar at Dustin’s urging. 

Eddie glanced at Dustin, “What are you doing here?”

“We’re looking for you.”

“We’re here to help,” Robin said.

Dustin nodded saying, “Yeah, these are my friends. You know Robin, from band. And this is my friend Max, the one who never wants to play D&D. Eddie, we’re on your side. I swear on my mother!” 

“Dustin’s mother,” Steve said, still very aware of the broken shards of glass against his neck.

Finally, the bottle was moved, but now a new can of worms was opened. Eddie had to learn about everything that had happened in the past three years. While Dustin explained, Steve watched Eddie take it all in. He was a little stunned that Eddie accepted all of this information with barely a blink. 

Three weeks had passed since they fought Vecna. Billy and Eddie were soulmates, the boys found out while Eddie was in the hospital. Steve had to admit they made a cute couple, even if watching them together stirred up feelings he didn’t know were there. He was fine, he didn't have time for that type of thing. At least that’s what he told himself every time he felt the telltale feeling of a pen against his arm. 

~~~

Steve was at Nancy's house when it happened. The Wheeler’s basement had lost some of its structural integrity in the earthquake. So Steve was helping lay down cement and fix walls. Steve hadn’t been paying attention when he was fixing the doorway, so the top part fell directly on his head. It knocked him out cold. He wasn’t awake to tell the paramedics not to write on his arm to tell his soulmates that he wouldn’t be able to respond. He was unable to tell them not to write his name when they left the message. Instead, Steve was stuck with the consequences when he woke up.

The first thing Steve saw when he came to was two curly masses of hair under fluorescent lights. He tried to sit up but a hand reached out and pushed him down.

“Not so fast, big boy.”

 Eddie?

“Slow down idiot, you just woke up.” 

Billy?

Steve gave his eyes a moment to adjust. Eddie and Billy were sitting on either side of him. Both boys were staring at him.

“What’s up?” Steve asked, getting uncomfortable.

“What’s up? What’s up? We’re playing that game, are we? How 'bout you tell us huh Harrington? You wanna tell us what the hell is up?” Steve watched Billy rant until Eddie gave him a look.

Eddie returned his gaze to Steve and said, “You know we’re soulmates right?”

Steve gave a small nod, Billy scoffed. He was confused. Billy was that mad because Steve hadn’t told them? Steve watched Billy mutter under his breath, he didn’t understand. Eddie cleared his throat to get his attention.

“Look, Stevie, you just woke up. We’ll talk about this later.” Eddie said it in a tone that left no argument. Even if Steve had no idea what was so important.

[sometimesicry-noimeanwrite]

use comic sans to write

i hate this so much but this knowledge is too powerful to keep from you all.

last night @phaltu discovered that setting your font to comic sans in google docs improves writing speed and creativity by an insane amount. “no” i said and “die” but then i tried it and god. i wish it wasn’t this way. i wish it wasn’t true. i wish i could protect you all from this but it’s real. 

something about this font is so disarming. something about this font lets you look past the shape of the words and into their soul. i’ve never written so much as i did last night, on my phone, at 2am, in comic sans.

if you have writer’s block. if you lack inspiration. if you need this. don’t be afraid to use it. sometimes the things we find most horrifying are also the things we need the most. trust me. let comic sans into your life.