soulcluster

[soulcluster]

Kaitlyn wished with all her heart and every fiber of her being that she could tell him that she was only sorry that she had ever thought about throwing her life away, about giving up on never waking next to him on lazy sunny mornings again or spending the rest of their life together until they were old and gray.

The truth was that some part of her was also sorry that she was still around.

Falling in love and getting married hadn't erased the darkness that lurked in her heart, trying its best to consume her if she was ever not vigilant against it.

She didn't answer his question but was relieved when he sat down next to her. Yet she still couldn't meet his gaze. Not yet.

At least it was still true that she knew she could always talk to him.

"That place, being in the Fade, it was...too much for me. What that demon was saying and—" she stopped short, feeling tears well in her eyes. "Varric, those things that attacked us," her fingers tightened around the fabric of her pants, "that took the form of our fears. What...what were they for you?"

Beyond every layer he'd crafted for himself, and past the heart too big for his already barrel of a chest, Varric was a selfish man. Who was he to say whether she was doing it for the right reason or not? That certainly hadn't been the first thought to run through his mind when he'd locked his fingers around her wrist and pulled.

But he knew her. He knew Kait better than anyone. If she'd wanted to truly do the heroic thing, maybe he would have left her go -- though that's something he's not so sure about, that selfishness boiling in the pit of his stomach at the thought of losing her when he'd just got her -- but he wasn't going to let her kill herself, just because of the shit hand she'd been dealt in life.

"Sorry that you're still around, or sorry that you were going to give this up, just like that?" He was teeming with anger, but that anger was barely concealed fear and a touch of grief. It was a possibility, that they didn't understand each other anymore in the ways they had in the past, with how much he'd been caught up in the Inquisition. A possibility he damned.

Varric pushed off from his desk to sit next to her. "You can talk to me, Blossom. You've always been good at that."

[soulcluster]

It should have been her left in the fade. Hawke had volunteered to stay and though it appeared to all the world as if she was doing so for noble reasons, in truth it was a sacrifice she wanted to make. Her life for... she didn't know, but it had to even out the scales somewhere. Her dying wouldn't bring back her father or her mother or Bethany but maybe it would make things right somewhere. Maybe it'd make her stop hating herself.

But she was still alive, sitting now in the room she shared with Varric and withering under his stare. He had pulled her out of the fade, literally, not allowing her to sacrifice herself just because she also hated herself.

She loved Varric. She had stopped denying that about herself. But there were many days she hated herself more than she loved him and Adamant had been a very fine line to tread.

Her eyes were cast downward to her lap, dark hair falling in her face.

"...I'm sorry."

What else could she say?

@mov1ngparts !

[soulcluster]

a long time ago I started tumblr indie rp with single blogs and then I made more single blogs and more and more and more to the point that I had to make an excel spreadsheet to keep track of everything. and then my friend was like what are you doing, make a multi, so I did and it was great

but now I find that I have the opposite problem. honestly I just don't have enough time and energy and spoons to keep up with all of these muses. I love them, there's no muse that I don't slap on that roster that I'm not in love with in some way. but I frequently find that coming on here I just don't have the energy or I get decision paralysis or, when I do want to write a specific muse, I can't write what I want.

now, I'm not getting rid of my multi (this blog has the cat boop badges, I'm legally obligated to keep this blog), but I will be making this blog much more private, doing a soft reset to drop most of my threads, and only writing with people I'm close to.

for some people, they don't come into the rp experience wanting to make friends, and that's fine, but it's an integral part of my experience and how I prefer to rp. even if we're not close, I'll still accept asks and get to them when I get to them (so nothing changing there....), it's only threads I'll be more selective with.

however, I will also be making a single blog of a character I really want to write as and deep dive more on and I'll be having a more typical indie experience there as most of my energy will be going there. right now that blog is @lyriumveined. I'll likely also revive my cloud blog at some point but for now it's just fenris

and I understand if you'd rather unfollow, that's totally cool, ty for sticking around for as long you have and maybe we'll cross circles again!

I feel positive that this change will lead to more writing from me in general so I'm looking forward to that. happy new year!

[soulcluster]

a long time ago I started tumblr indie rp with single blogs and then I made more single blogs and more and more and more to the point that I had to make an excel spreadsheet to keep track of everything. and then my friend was like what are you doing, make a multi, so I did and it was great

but now I find that I have the opposite problem. honestly I just don't have enough time and energy and spoons to keep up with all of these muses. I love them, there's no muse that I don't slap on that roster that I'm not in love with in some way. but I frequently find that coming on here I just don't have the energy or I get decision paralysis or, when I do want to write a specific muse, I can't write what I want.

now, I'm not getting rid of my multi (this blog has the cat boop badges, I'm legally obligated to keep this blog), but I will be making this blog much more private, doing a soft reset to drop most of my threads, and only writing with people I'm close to.

for some people, they don't come into the rp experience wanting to make friends, and that's fine, but it's an integral part of my experience and how I prefer to rp. even if we're not close, I'll still accept asks and get to them when I get to them (so nothing changing there....), it's only threads I'll be more selective with.

however, I will also be making a single blog of a character I really want to write as and deep dive more on and I'll be having a more typical indie experience there as most of my energy will be going there. right now that blog is @lyriumveined. I'll likely also revive my cloud blog at some point but for now it's just fenris

and I understand if you'd rather unfollow, that's totally cool, ty for sticking around for as long you have and maybe we'll cross circles again!

I feel positive that this change will lead to more writing from me in general so I'm looking forward to that. happy new year!

[soulcluster]

I've been thinking about it (cause fuck I cannot get to sleep for the life of me right now) and I think I may change my approach to indie rp. I'm still deciding on what I wanna do but I've certainly had an issue where I just...haven't been writing here and I think I may know what could address that

[soulcluster]

hey does anyone know what happened to the tumblr harvest moon/farm sim groups lol

[soulcluster]

Logan was used to Rambo disappearing off to see Merle, but he wished the stubborn goat would at least make his way back. 'Course, he was usually headed that way anyway, out to the eufala and his pa's old post, so in a way it worked out. All it meant was that he stretched his legs a bit more. If he was honest, he couldn't really be mad at Rambo. He and the ol' gost had just been through too much at this point.

Once he was closer to Sora's, he noticed the two were already outside and headed this way.

"Hope he's not givin' ya any trouble," Logan called to her.

@soulcluster random starter: Logan & Sora

How many times did it make it this week? 4?

A sigh left the builder lips as she placed her hands on her hips, however her expression soon softened as she made her way over to her stable. Instead of just one goat standing there, Mearle, there were two.

"Rambo, you know Logan is gonna give you an ear full again when he notices you missing... again." At this point she wasn't surprised. Then again he probably just missed Mearle. She wondered if maybe she should leave Mearle with Logan every now and then and vice versa.

Sora scratched the goat behind his ears, earing her a happy lick on her cheek.

"Alright mister, let's get you home before you make that Yakboy have to walk all the way over here again."

[soulcluster]

well-earned rest.

[soulcluster]

COUNTDOWN TO MARVEL RIVALS

20 - Adam Warlock

[soulcluster]

Fenris shrugged at her suggestion. "It matters little to me. I wait only for Danarius's return. Should he try to retake his estate, I will be here." At this point it was making a statement. He would not be cowed, he would not be leashed. Not ever again.

If he wanted to change she would accept him either way, she adores him and he should know that. Squeezing his hand that was in her own, she smiled making her way over to Fenris's manor, once there she placed her hands onto her waist. ' Hm we gotta add more furniture, even you deserve a full and cozy home Fenris.'

[soulcluster]

what I wouldn't give to write adam warlock/gamora in rp

[soulcluster]

u can sit on my lap or my face, idc just as long as ur comfy

[soulcluster]

@biohvzvrd / xx.

There's a very sore, tired laugh that tumbles from his lips at the image of those monsters shuffling across the flat, ugly landscape of Ohio. But it really wasn't what he wanted to talk about. Work provided no escape from such conversations and one day he might very well die to one of those things. Not without a fight, and he'd take as many of the damned things with him when it happened, but the threat was still there.

"Somewhere in Canada then. It's cold and I can keep you to myself in the hotel room." As if he wouldn't try to in any other place they went to.

Leon closed his eyes and leaned back on his sofa. "We can order in and I can see what chocolate tastes like when I lick it off of you."

[soulcluster]

The answer felt satisfying and yet not at the same time. He was glad that she didn't mind, but this version of him only exists because of his past. Being a slave, finally finding the resolve to run, and running, running, running until he'd rather die than show Danarius his back. His brow furrowed and he turned away, leaving only his hand in hers. Or was he overthinking it?

' Not at all, It's who you are Fenris I am not gonna change you for anything.' She said her hand gently holding onto his own, squeezing softly as she smiled. ' Besides, It wouldn't be the same if you were like different, I don't think I would like that version of you much as I do this one.'

[soulcluster]

Pulled like a comet into orbit, Roland leaned into his kiss, into his body, hands seeking his face and wrapping around his jaw, his neck, giving into the fervor that beat through his veins. The ache in his heart poured from his lips.

Like Anders, he was vaguely aware that they held an audience. A more mild mannered Roland, the young squire who trained at Cousland Castle, would have never dreamed of so blatant a display of affection. But it had been years since he thought Anders lost, dead. He would have moved the Fade itself to find him again, but he was here now, in his arms and on his lips. And he would be damned if he let a few people looking stifle his relief.

When he was forced to breathe, Roland kept a tight hold of Anders, as if he might disappear back into the shadows. "I thought you were dead." He breathed the words in a haggard whisper. It was a statement and a question. Why had he disappeared? Where had he been all this time? Why hadn't he told him?

He desperately wanted these answers but now, hundreds of feet below the surface and surrounded by darkspawn, was not the time to have the discussion.

It needn't be said how he got there, for what Hawke WANTED Hawke usually GOT and this time Hawke wanted to DRAG him down back into the depths. There was a BITTER restlessness gnawing at his conscience the whole trek downwards, in the knot of threads where Justice becomes HIM and HE becomes Justice, that his time could be better spent ANYWHERE but here. They didn't like straying far from Kirkwall as of late; in the years between the Qunari invasion and now, the Templars had effectively assumed control of the city and these dalliances left what still remained of the Underground without their ABOMINABLE protection.

But it certainly wasn't everyday that those nonsensical adventures brought him face to face with the SHADOW of a past he had long tried to put behind him. He had felt the tug, of course, the ICHOR that coursed through his veins resonating with its kin as they furthered their descent--- simply the Darkspawn, he had thought. There was no reason to think that Wardens would be active in the area. Unless, a thought that was not ENTIRELY his own manifested, Hawke had concealed the information from them.

He could easily imagine the unsaid end of the other's remark as gloved hand weighed HEAVILY on feathered shoulder. The finite assumption of death following a disappearance where the small squadron he was with was left torn asunder. BLOOD, BONE, and FLESH. How crippling, how cruel, to never really know what happened. Anders himself had long known the wrenching SQUEEZE of love lost, after all. The debilitating ACHE of a distance no mortal could ever hope to cross. It had followed him all his life, from the end of one to the start of the next. Yet… this was a shadow the mage wished he could have stayed dead to. There was no point in denying it, not when Anders was convinced that almost NOTHING was left of the man this one once knew.

" ROLAND. " The name felt foreign on his tongue despite the THRUM within his chest it invoked, the prior bitterness that clouded his mood now drowned as memories welled. His breath left him in a shudder, Anders sucking down the stale air of the Deep Roads as his skin prickled and tips of stained fingers trembled. He could feel EYES on his back, primed with a creeping curiosity over the scene that was unfolding before them as the Warden before him fumbled over his words. ' I shouldn't. ' He shouldn't. THEY shouldn't.

But he did.

The tension broke, the space between crossed again through the healer's own force of will. A kiss so DESPERATE, as if to make up for years and years of a silent yearning that was never quite buried deep enough--- for the last time he was in such a position he NEVER had a CHANCE. As if Anders didn't already know he'd try to SLIP through Roland's fingers with what all was at stake in the city miles above their heads.

[soulcluster]

A kind of warmth flowed from where she kissed him, something he had rarely felt in his life. Between her soft heat at his back and her kiss, there was no escaping the feeling, and he didn't mind even if he didn't know what to do with it. "If I really couldn't stand you, I wouldn't be here." He turned toward her, but then paused. "Does how I act bother you?"

She smiled softly kissing his cheek. ' hehe no I just love jumping on you, you should know that.' She purred gently before allowing herself to slide off his back. ' it's not really the manor that is cozy, It's you...every time I have a hard time or something I can always go to you Fenris, even if you act as if you can't stand me.'

[soulcluster]

"You have an odd idea of cozy," he told her. She began to circle around him and he watched her with a steady gaze. He really shouldn't have been surprised when she jumped onto his back, his arms reflexively reaching to catch her beneath her legs as they wrapped around his torso. "Have you lost the ability to walk?" A deadpanned question, but he hadn't dropped her, either.

' I do not mind your manor if I am being honest, it's not even creepy more like cozy.' She smiled moving behind Fenris, jumping onto his back pressing her breasts against his back. ' I can handle the floor, we can even snuggle if you want Fenris? '