soultayi

[soultayi]

yes this is everything lol

Is this anything

[soultayi]

one foot rests on the darkening path. with the strength of a million deers i walk the tenured road. i can see the future i carved out of my ribs, stained with my blood and tears, this is what it means to desire, this is the length that i would go.

[soultayi]

sneaking onto the reservoir again by Robert Wood Lynn

[soultayi]

book katniss + peeta for the soul

[soultayi]

the cracking came first. like thunder, my body announced its new form with an earth shattering scream. i’m trying to break free out of your grasp to the soundtrack of my own splitting bones. my own twisting body. desire and despair seep together like oil and the thickness of it chokes me. i have been here before.

the grip on my wrist is powerful and somewhere a voice is yelling please stop. let go. it’s painful. the voice agonises me even more so than the cracking of my bruising body- but all i’m focused on is the pressure. the tightness of it. of you. the way dark fingers dance across the low edges of my body. so violent and beautiful. the release that never comes, the anger that begins to bubble in time with my heartbeat like a backwards dance. the grief over something ignored. something forced. the pain oh how it sticks to me.

i’m watching you. my heart hammers in my chest as you look at me and in cold unfamiliar eyes i find the truth of you. the root of you. i’m searching for an apology that doesn’t even register.

[soultayi]

You know what the most frustrating thing about the vegans throwing a fit over my “Humans aren’t Parasites” post is?  I really wasn’t trying to make a point about animal agriculture. Honestly, the example about subsistence hunting isn’t the main point. That post was actually inspired by thoughts I’ve been having about the National Park system and environmentalist groups.

See, I LOVE the National Parks. I always have a pass. I got to multiple parks a year. I LOVE them, and always viewed them as this unambiguously GOOD thing. Like, the best thing America has done. 

BUT, I just finished reading this book called “I am the Grand Canyon” all about the native Havasupai people and their fight to gain back their rights to the lands above the canyon rim. Historically, they spent the summer months farming in the canyon, and then the winter months hunter-gathering up above the rim. When their reservation was made though, they lost basically all rights to the rim land (They had limited grazing rights to some of it, but it was renewed year to year and always threatened, and it was a whole thing), leading to a century long fight to get it back. 

And in that book there are a couple of really poignant anecdotes- one man talks about how park rangers would come harass them if they tried to collect pinon nuts too close to park land- worried that they would take too many pinon nuts that the squirrels wanted. Despite the fact that the Havasupai had harvested pinon nuts for thousands and thousands of years without ever…like…starving the squirrels. 

There’s another anecdote of them seeing the park rangers hauling away the bodies of dozens of deer- killed in the park because of overpopulation- while the Havasupai had been banned from hunting. (Making them more and more reliant on government aid just to survive the winter months.) 

They talk about how they would traditionally carve out these natural cisterns above the rim to catch rainwater, and how all the animals benefitted from this, but it was difficult to maintain those cisterns when their “ownership” of the land was so disputed. 

So here you have examples of when people are forcibly separated from their ecosystem and how it hurts both those people and the ecosystem. 

And then when the Havasupai finally got legislation before Congress to give them ownership of the rim land back- their biggest opponent was the Parks system and the Sierra Club. The Sierra Club (a big conservation group here in the US) ran a huge smear campaign against these people on the belief that any humans owning this land other than the park system (which aims at conservation, even while developing for recreation) was unacceptable. 

And it all got me thinking about how, as much as I love the National Parks, there are times when its insistence that nature be left “untouched” (except, ya know, for recreation) can actually harm both the native people who have traditionally been part of those ecosystems AND potentially the ecosystems themselves. And I just think there’s a lot of nuance there about recognizing that there are ways for us to be in balance with nature, and that our environmentalism should respect that and push for sustainability over preserving “pristine” human-less landscapes. Removing ourselves from nature isn’t the answer. 

But apparently the idea that subsistence hunting might actually not be a moral catastrophe really set the vegans off.  Woopie. 

[soultayi]

i had to call my gp today (no answer) because i was staring to feel so deeply insecure i started to doubt my friends love for me. this is a very Bad Sign (for me personally) and i called the gp and even though no one responded i called my gp! i took a step! i did the right thing! i might feel unworthy of love, and like i don’t deserve peace or joy in any capacity but at least i know when to look for signs. and what to do when they come up. i did a good thing- i just wish they picked up.

[soultayi]

Georges Bataille

[soultayi]

summer was forever by Chen Chen

[soultayi]

scrolling through my instagram and seeing younger versions of myself and thinking where did the fun go???????? i was soooo funnnn and carefree and yesss riddled with anxiety but she was freeeee cringe and allll i hate growing up 😭😭😭😭

[soultayi]

ode to friendship by Noor Hindi

[soultayi]

twenty-one love poems, II by Adrienne Rich

[soultayi]

my babyyyyyyyyy

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

[soultayi]

Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus, originally published: 1977

[soultayi]

Wounds of the Earth

— by xis.lanyx

[soultayi]

Omar Sakr, “Every Day”

[soultayi]

the words in my throat have dried up and when i try to swallow i taste poetry that has turned sour. like ash. but now. i sit beside a railing on the edge of the thames. a man plays a harp his fingers are so gentle the strings look like silk and the sun is setting. i can hear the waves and i think maybe the words haven’t dried up- perhaps i have had nothing of truth to say. or maybe nothing of substance of permanence. and the water continues the gentle caressing of pebbles. all of this is truth. substance. permanence. the tightness in my throat is just… tightness. it will ease. and eventually, it will go away.