soundslikeaplanironman - Tumblr blog

[soundslikeaplanironman]

i havent been active in a hot sec but just to let yall know being gay is tight shit

[soundslikeaplanironman]

Kid: lmao rip to Adam and Eve but I’m different

yo kids are wild one time while babysitting this kid started lecturing me about how much he hates Adam and Eve, how he would have listened to god and then immediately after he turned and punched his brother right in the stomach

[soundslikeaplanironman]

yo kids are wild one time while babysitting this kid started lecturing me about how much he hates Adam and Eve, how he would have listened to god and then immediately after he turned and punched his brother right in the stomach

[soundslikeaplanironman]

i have done more things fueled by spite than i have with any actual logical thought

[soundslikeaplanironman]

its honestly so nice to not have gone through an emo middle school phase just bc i value being able to listen to Welcome to the Black Parade without horrific memories crawling out from my psyche

[soundslikeaplanironman]

sorry i couldn’t stop thinking about this

[soundslikeaplanironman]

bro you know your concept of time is fucked if you argue with instagram over when you posted your own pictures

[soundslikeaplanironman]

yeah guys talk all you want about the duality of man but the real anomaly is the duality of mom: no other person could both be concerned with my sleeping patterns and tell me I’m a disgrace to the family

[soundslikeaplanironman]

yeah yeah the 80s aren’t really coming back unless y’all are down to do a line of cocaine in the bathroom of a NYC night club

[soundslikeaplanironman]

Whoever answered “mas o menos” or “asi asi” when the spanish teacher asked how they were in middle school is depressed now

[soundslikeaplanironman]

Me, interning for the county government: ah yess,,, lawes and regulaytons:;, the bourgeoisie. authoritey— i am nothying but a pesant fore the man // i lyve to surve

[soundslikeaplanironman]

I blame my lackluster approach to reading on Harry Potter and the Cursed Child because I was so genuinely excited to read the script book that I stayed up all night to read it and- that shit really ruined everything for me

[soundslikeaplanironman]

so i know exactly how to piss my mom off and now that my humor has reached peak dumbass GenZ child™️ she doesn’t know how to react in anyway that isn’t anger - like this one time my mom was watching stranger things and the demagorgan in all of its glory came on the screen, so I naturally said “oh, that’s my son.” Now my mother takes no bullshit so very cooly- and bluntly I may add- she reply’s with “so that thing came out of your vagina?” A powerful statement that can only be countered by something with no logic and bad humor: I go, “you know, a child like that (the demagorgan) does not need to come from my womb to be mine, adoption is always an option.” Ok not bad, but I like taking things too far- pushing the bit until it’s not funny anymore- so I continue by saying “oh, but I called dibs.” She humors me by asking what (a mistake on her behalf, because with this inquiry I am greenlighted and can be put back on the bullshit), so I explain: “I called dibs, like it’s mine because I called it. Like you know when you’re playing Uno and someone calls Uno before you, and even if you are the one with the single card you still have to draw two? It’s like that, I called dibs and it’s mine.” We aren’t even on the subject of fucking Stranger Things anymore- oh no - we’ve stumbled down the Alice in Wonderland style rabbit hole that is the logic of this arguement, which is about to be pushed to the point of pissing my poor mother off. The show has been paused as if the silence of the room would give more room for thought in this thoughtless argument. Already the quick remark has progressed into a thirty minute almost argument, but I can’t stop. “Like, so if I burst into the delivery room of an expectant mother and father and the baby pops out and I’m the first one to call dibs, that child is legally mine. They have to fork it over, its mine now. That’s just the rules of dibs.” Now, my mother has, in the past, illustrated her deep set values in family and what a child means to her personally, so being the one child that has expressed no genuine interest in mothering children, she sees this as an opportunity to maybe sway my opinion by going on a rant about the bonds of motherhood and how rewarding it is and that’s all fine and dandy whatever. She steps from her soapbox by saying “if anyone ever tried to take my child, I would do anything in my power to stop them, no matter the cost.” A fine sentiment and a understandable one, but I am a known ruiner of all nice things and against her warning stare and my better judgement, I answer with a deep sigh and “but I called dibs though...” and that’s how I single handedly ruined an otherwise peaceful night just by opening my mouth and letting hot garbage spill out.

[soundslikeaplanironman]

I know im GenZ and I’m pretty much good for nothing but when I told my aunt that i once drove five miles on a flat tire without realizing it she said “oh, yeah, well you dont know what it feels like yet” I didn’t know how to respond. Like What the fuck is that suppose to mean,, as if I have a quasi-telepathic connection with my piece of shit Jeep Compass bro sometimes the lights on the dash come on for no reason you really think I can trust this bitch let alone be able to identify when she ails ?

[soundslikeaplanironman]

Me, currently ruining my own life and stunting the fulfillment of my own desires and dreams: lmao it’s just for shits and gigs my man

[soundslikeaplanironman]

apparently spending an hour and a half on a roof for my Minecraft house isn’t seen as a marvelous illustration of digital architecture but an “unnecessary use of your brother’s Nintendo switch battery”

[soundslikeaplanironman]

the internet might be filled with useless shit like this site, but an instagram video taught me more about parallel parking than an angry father and two red bulls ever could