soupedepates

[soupedepates]

If someone dares to tell me anxiety is just being weak-minded I will project on them all of the debilitating effects it has on my body

May include:

Irritability, stomach cramps, throbbing headache, shivers, hot flushes, nausea, fainting spells, dizziness, puking, trouble breathing, tachycardia, very fluctuating energy, hypoglycemia, insomnia, dissociation which might lead to paralysis, meltdowns, panic attacks, restlessness, trouble digesting, brain fog, memory loss, loss of appetite, shutdowns, self-harming behaviour, diarrhea, UTI-like pain, rashes, fever, over peeing, and, of course, social unawareness paired with social isolation.

Fuck everything I feel like my body is dying.

[soupedepates]

The famine in Gaza has reached catastrophic proportions. People collapse on the street out of hunger. They resort to going to literal killing fields for maybe a bag of flour for their family.

Please donate around 10-20 Dollars this week to any campaign of your choice. I'm donating 10 GBP to the North and South Sameer Project campaigns each. Please please donate if you can, Palestinians are dying from hunger.

Sameer Project Links:

Donation Amounts:

If you want to support Individual campaigns, check out these websites:

Also:

@gaza-evacuation-funds and @gazavetters

[soupedepates]

widehead

[soupedepates]

Not the usual content but a very necessary post. I am using my platform to talk about Gaza. I feel useless as I am just a kid. I can’t believe this is still going on. And more so that creators with a bigger platform than me haven’t spoken up about it.

85% of Gaza’s population has entered the fifth stage of malnutrition. This isn’t famine— it is manmade starvation.

Innocent people are dying. Children are suffering— Stress is causing hair loss and the malnutrition is fatal. These people did not choose to go through this, but they are fighting. People are losing their family members.

10-35 kids die every day. 93 deaths in general— Every 15 minutes someone dies.

You got to dream about being an astronaut as a kid. You get to decide between meals. These kids are dreaming about surviving and eating sand.

We are their only hope.

Donate/ Spread awareness if you can.

[soupedepates]

I think the Catholic Church can't stand my swag

[soupedepates]

I shouldn't have to work, actually, I deserve an allowance just because I am alive

[soupedepates]

Twitter didn’t take the divorce well…

[soupedepates]

So can we all agree that Ao3 is the top?

[soupedepates]

"Especially striking is the identification of Achilles with his hands. They dominate the last quarter of the poem where, in conformity with Achilles' own statement at 1.165-166, "Always the greater part of the painful fighting is the work of my hands [...]" When the news of Patroclus' death reaches Achilles the terrified Antilochus must restrain his hands as he lies in the dust, pouring it over his own head with those very hands (18.23, 27, 33). Especially memorable is the scene at 18.317 (the gesture is repeated at 23.18) where Achilles places his hands on the chest of his slain comrade and himself laments as the women wail through the night: "[Achilles] laid his mankilling hands over the chest of his dear friend [...]" This strange gesture is not an embrace but a laying on of hands. Achilles does not cradle the head of the dead man as, e.g., Andromache does to the corpse of Hector at 27.724 and as Thetis does to her son in the pietà that foreshadows his death (18.71). What comes to mind is that the application of these hands could once heal – Chiron had trained them to do so – but that they are now powerless in the face of the finality of death; the adjective applied to them emphasises only their connection with death. The climax of the Iliad is the arrival of Priam at Achilles' tent where his first act is to approach him and kiss the ἀνδροφόνους (mankilling) hands that have slain so many of the old king's sons (24.478 ff.). Achilles' hands are ἄαπτοἱ, invincible (20.503); the adjective is used of other hands earlier in the poem, but of no hands other than those of Achilles from the moment of his appearance on the battlefield. And mankilling is nowhere used of hands other than those of Achilles; Only here and in the two passages where Achilles places his hands on the chest of the dead Patroclus."

– Emmett Robins, 'The Education of Achilles' (1993)

[soupedepates]

[soupedepates]

In Defense of Trant Heidelstam

Forgive the clickbaity title, but the “new” ““lore””, as well as the broader reaction to it, has me raising one if not both of my eyebrows, especially over what I interpret as a really bad-faith and uncharitable interpretation of Trant (that both DOES and does NOT fit what we’re given in canon). 

Take everything I say with a grain of salt and with the knowledge that I spend an inordinate amount of my spare time thinking about this fictional man and his Problems. Trant Heidelstam has, for better or for worse, become my goddamn special interest.

I’m not sure how to approach this aside from using the classic internet technique of a nice numbered list:

Twice Divorced Well, what much is there to say? Two marriages failed. That’s about all the information we’re given. He has a better track record than my own stepdad. We’re only left to assume that he’s the one who initiated both divorces, which in and of itself shouldn’t really be seen as something shameful or flaky. Marriages fail, especially in Revachol. Oftentimes divorce is the kinder, saner option than attempting to make a shit relationship work, especially with a child in the picture. What this says to me about Trant is that he’s willing to commit and willing to acknowledge when something isn’t working.

Moved Countries Twice Again, why is this a bad thing? It’s a stretch, but the implication here could be ‘being disloyalty to a nation’, which is…[gestures broadly at the rise in populist rightwing thought]. Since when does being a globe trotter who has trouble putting down roots make someone a ‘backpedaler’, I ask.

Pulled out a Business Venture Maybe I’m biased here because I’m speaking as a business owner. A small business owner, but one that still deals with an intimidating profit margin for a pissant like me. Investing and running a business is fucking scary, especially in our own modern day setting. There have been times when I’ve been overwhelmed, exhausted, and terrified that I made the wrong choice getting tangled up in the rat race. I’m fortunate that I have good business partners. That isn’t always the case. Backing out of a business venture that you see is about to crash is not backpedaling. It’s fucking business.

 Heroin and Yahtzee Arguably the funniest fucking thing to add to the laundry list. I have to wonder if they swapped heroin for pyrholidon once they settled on his backstory in the final game. The game addresses that Trant was a past addict, and suggests that he simply trades one addiction for another (stick fighting being likened to a kind of addiction). Harry has a moment of “game recognizes game”. And, as a friend pointed out, addiction is not really something you can ‘backpedal’ your way out of. You deal with it for the rest of your life. It’s always there, hovering over your shoulder. It’s something that requires VIGILANCE and a tremendous amount of self-discipline and social support (and, let’s be real, financial stability) to overcome. I think the game isn’t subtle in its implication that the reason Trant was able to kick the drugs is directly related to his proximity to privilege, something that Harry noticeably lacks. As for the Yahtzee thing… This is weird, but only because I have an insane backlog of knowledge of Tarmo Jüristo, who the devs cited as being their inspiration for Trant (I’m going to make a whole fucking number for this one, so just hang with me). But Jüristo had a pretty intense poker phase, which actually ended up inspiring some of his later work with statistics, specifically Bayesian statistics. But I digress. Whether it’s Poker or Yahtzee, gambling is gambling, and I think that’s another weird thing to say someone ‘backpedaled’ out of. Implying it would be…more upstanding if he saw his gambling addiction through? Kept up with it? WHAT are they trying to say here?

 No Clear Agenda/Seeking Political Power Alright, I’m coming back to Tarmo again. And god, I feel like if I say his name three times he’s going to find my blog post again, but it’s the goddamn devs fault for basing this character off of someone who I find to be so incredibly interesting. So you’re about to witness me be a fanboy real quick, because I think more people should know about this guy. Taken straight from the Praxis website: “Tarmo has been an active member of Estonian civil society. He was one of the original members to sign Harta12 (a civil initiative focusing on problem areas in state governance) and publicly stood for the ratification of the Registered Partnership Act in autumn of 2014.” This man was fighting for civil liberties in Estonia when it was certainly uncool to do so, specifically for gay rights and marriage equality. He’s a staunch leftist and an unapologetic statistics nerd who practices Kendo and Brazilian Jiujitsu. He founded SALK, one of Estonia's most important leftist political organizations that swept the most recent elections, which was unprecedented, as right wing ideology has infected the West almost across the board. (Also, he’s a playwright on the side). So, I’m to believe that this guy, who is by all accounts someone with an incredibly diverse background, a vivid curiosity about the world around him, and a desire to see progressive thought put into action… THIS guy is the cited inspiration for Trant, so much that Trant’s design looks like him… But Trant isn’t supposed to have a clear agenda aside from “seeking political power”. When put vaguely like that, it sounds nefarious by default. But why would he work with the C Wing? Why would he put his faith in characters like Harry and Jean, who, for all their flaws, are two men who fundamentally want to see the world put right. A fight that feels so futile most days that it destroys them from the inside out. Why would a man with “no clear agenda” help the RCM? It doesn’t add up. As I said to my friend earlier: if they didn't want me to interpret Trant to be a well-rounded man who is interested in civil liberties and self-discipline, then they shouldn't have baSED HIM OFF OF TARMO FUCKING JÜRISTO.

In conclusion, I rebuke this ‘backpedal’ thing with my full fucking chest. If it was given to us in context of the game – maybe Jean or Harry giving Trant shit about all the choices he’s made in his life, ribbing him for the perceived flakiness – that is one thing. That diegetic lore. That’s coming from the mouths and the opinions of the characters. But instead we’re getting this information (allegedly) from the authors. And when it comes from the Creators as opposed to being from the Creation, I can only see it as something petty, mean-spirited, and unfairly biased against a character who should be given the same grace and nuance as any of the others. 

BUT ANYWAYS I’M JUST SOME BITCH ON THE INTERNET. Read my TrantJean fanfiction if you're into that kind of shit. 

[soupedepates]

[soupedepates]

biggest L i've had to take from morning people is that the hours between 5 - 9 am really do have 7x as much time in them than the ones between 9 pm - 1 am and you can get your whole day's worth of shit done by noon

[soupedepates]

It gets to a point

[soupedepates]

hey gamers I’ve started watching star trek does anyone else see the romantic tension between captain kirk and mr. spock

[soupedepates]

Sounds hot

[soupedepates]