speechlessreads

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Minimalism Journey?

I couldn't be a full-on minimalist, as I have quite an attachment to a good bit of things I've collected over the years, BUT I do know I have too much stuff. Granted, living in a house where you have limited space as your own also feeds into the appearance of clutter. If we had our own place, everything would have a home. Unfortunately, especially now with the Orange Starburst in office, that's not happening even more any time soon. Plus, I'm sure there are things I have lost my liking for, mainly in clothing and probably some books. I have a ton of books in my TBR mountain to read. I think what I might do is try to find one area to work on decluttering each Monday and whatever I decide to get rid of will either be donated or recycled.

I need to try and establish some rules of what can help me determine what needs to go and what can stay. Maybe even move some more stuff into our storage unit...

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Brain Dump (CW: near-death [not me])

We almost lost my father-in-law over the weekend - fittingly enough, Friday the 13th. My MIL texted my boyfriend and I asking us to take him when he gets home. He wasn't feeling well and she didn't want him attempting to drive himself. I needed more clarification: how wasn't he feeling well? Apparently while he was at the gym doing his workout routine, he blacked out despite being conscious still, his arm started burning hot, his hand went ice cold, and he had chest pain. He met up with her at the Mexican restaurant they frequent each week with friends and told her what happened. He was going to try and push past it and have dinner with them all; my MIL prompted him to get seen. He drove home and tried to sit down and take his blood pressure while my boyfriend and I finished getting ourselves ready to drive him. I was still in the dark of exactly what happened until my boyfriend got all the details from my MIL while he cleared his backseat. As soon as I heard them, I told him he needs to go inside and get his dad moving - my mind immediately went to a clot of some sort. Hours later, we found out that his aorta got shredded. If he had waited any longer than when we brought him in, he would have been dead; they were still shocked he even lasted as long as he did. They're unsure how it happened, but he's extremely lucky to have survived. He got transported to another hospital that had the staffing for a midnight surgery that would last four hours and came out. My boyfriend and I stayed home to take care of furbabies, and I tossed and turned as I checked my phone every time I stirred away to see if there were any updates. He made it through surgery perfectly, and he's apparently recovering tremendously already. He's being moved from the high-priority ICU just days after his surgery. He may even come home if not this week, next week. He can no longer compete in bodybuilding competitions, but he can still lift weights; lower weight, higher reps. Friday the 13th definitely lived up to its name...

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CW: mental health; gaming and tilting

Mental health is weird. It is not fun to deal with when it's poor. It's not fun to deal with when your brain tells you you are not good enough or worthy. What's worse is when it convinces you that something so fictional like a video game matters when it comes to your own worth. Being bad at a video game can reflect how little you matter. Logically, you know otherwise. But your brain just does not care. If you go negative in your KDA, you're trash. You should uninstall. Sometimes, others tell you to k**l yourself over a simple mistake like when you die while trying to grasp how your character's kit is used. Logically, you know it doesn't matter nor does it mean you are less than what you are. But the brain does not care. When you suck at a game, you are trash and worthless. I still don't know how to get past that.

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Happy September!

I can't believe it's already September. My birthday is in a month! It also means I need to try and get working on some of my Fall reads. Does anyone else theme their reading? Summer reads get beachy, summer books; Fall gets spooky, horror/thriller books? I don't really have any Winter books so I just sort of do general/fantasy reads like Spring does. One day, once my TBR mountain is widdled down, I'll try to add such themes more accordingly. I'm currently trying to finish up One Italian Summer by Rebecca Serle, who also wrote In Five Years which I'd borrowed from one of my best friends and greatly enjoyed. OIS is a bit slow but I'm still having a nice time with the story it has to tell. I also have House of Leaves on the side with a journal to help me battle that monster of a book. I just hope that I can get the same satisfaction out of it that most who complete it do and rave about. But it will have to be slowly done so as to not be so overwhelmed with it. I feel like I'm back in English class, performing research to ensure I'm fully comprehending what is going on and making sure I'm not misunderstanding anything. Fourth quarter is also here for my job, so overtime is probably going to take away from my free time as well. But with how drained I tend to get from it, I may be able to just relax and focus on reading instead of trying to play a game or so, though I do need to work on my star path for Disney Dreamlight Valley. One step at a time, though!

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Frieda McFadden

I work in a book warehouse, so it's fun to see the names/titles that are going out as of late. Frieda McFadden has been a big one. I've found her book Want to Know A Secret? on Spotify, so I gave it a listen. I enjoyed it! I've started The Locked Door as well, but I think I want to find a physical copy to read rather than listen to it. I'm working on finishing up Never Lie currently. Honestly, I've seen a lot of mixed feedback on Frieda's writing. Some say it's lazy just to crank out books, others are like me where I don't think much about it - if it keeps me turning the page and thinking, then I'm all for it! My own prediction had been proven wrong as well, which I love. I think a lot of it is I haven't really read much regarding unreliable narrators, and I am so into it. I need to find more. I am unsure what I will read next. Summer is more for my beachy reads but as I try to tackle my TBR Mountain, I need to focus on shorter novels to try and widdle it down. I might dive into a nother Frieda McFadden novel (The Teacher) or I'll find something else. Though it will most likely be The Teacher... Hmmm...

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The Summer I Turned Pretty Series

I've been getting back into reading lately. I read the SITP series in a span of...maybe two weeks? Maybe less? Though, I greatly wanted to DNF it, as much as I hate to admit that. I adore YA literature. It's what got me into reading in the first place. Sarah Dessen was the first YA author I read (This Lullaby, gifted to me by my aunt based on my birthday wishlist.) I don't think I am falling out of love with YA - this series just...did not hit with me. **SPOILERS AHEAD - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK** I was not a fan of Belly. She was so whiny and got mad at E V E R Y T H I N G. I don't ever remember being like that at fifteen-years-old, though I do know that everyone has a different sensitivity level than others do. In fact, I'm friends with someone with her level of sensitivity even in adulthood (which gets kinda draining.) In addition, the whole triangle with Belly and the Fisher brothers was unnecessary. It could have been a wholesome story without the romance. Girl meets up with her summer family at the beach house they all stay in, all while growing up together. Did she REALLY need to marry one of them? Especially when, realistically, neither was really a good match? I mean, Jeremiah cheated on her in the third book, and Conrad was a moody, avoidant individual. Not to mention, the entire third book was about planning the wedding for Jeremiah just for them to be like, "Nah, it's always been Conrad." It was just not a good series, in my opinion. The ONLY aspects that kept me wanting to avoid DNFing it was the storyline surrounding the beach house in Cousins, Susannah, and their connection with each other outside of the forced romance. Susannah was the biggest reason I continued. I cried when Belly made the note that the house still smelled the same in It's Not Summer Without You. It brought me back to the blanket I got from my grandfather's home when he'd passed away. It was the only piece I wanted from there to remember him by. I always used it when I spent the night with my mother. His neighbor had it in his house but thankfully gave it to me. It smelled just like his house. Sad as it is, it was heavily with the scent of cigars. But it was the smell I loved so much of my grandfather. Belly making note of the smell of the beach house brought me back to that night, and I cried. I can't say much else about the series outside of that. It's hard for me to discuss these things with my best friend because it's been so long since she's read it that she doesn't even remember much of what happened. And book groups I'm in on Facebook only chalk it up to the idea that they aren't into YA anymore, which is not the case for me. I guess I can give credit for the fact that this series does have my mind reeling; I feel passionately about how it turned out. I almost want to keep it based on the events that occur outside of the Belly/Fisher Bros. romance, but unfortunately, I will not. I hope whoever ends up with it enjoys it more than I did. I will say I don't feel like I wasted time with it. It just could have been better.

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Revamp(?)

I've missed this website. Though, I am unsure if I will use it as much as I used to. I still have access to my other profile, but in a way, starting fresh helps immensely. My profile has a ridiculous amount of things that I am no longer interested in nor do I have the desire to sort through it all at the moment. So here I am. Still a bookworm. Still a gamer, though I've found more comfort in being a cozy gamer. No longer much of a writer, though I miss that terribly as well. But life has drained my creativity. My imagination no longer yearns to put ideas down. It kills me that what I once dreamed of doing as a career no longer exists for me. I guess I just woke up to that. I still read. I celebrate books constantly. I WORK in a book warehouse. I am always surrounded by them and so excited to get a sneak peek at new releases. However, I can no longer make the time to write. This will serve as a diary of sorts, I suppose. Of my new life. And a way to write about what I read...games I play too, I guess. I'm ready to begin. Hi. Nice to meet you if you find this.