spidermanly12

[spidermanly12]

Baby Doll (BATIM X Bojack Horseman)

(Joey is cooking eggs in the kitchen while singing)

Joey (singing): Beautiful eggs of 44. For my baby, want some more.

Audrey (drinking coffee) Mmm! Joey, this coffee is amazing!

(Bendy comes in with big moan)

Bendy's Mind: You stupid garbage fire. Everything sucks.

Audrey: Bendy, did you see what your father is doing.

(Bendy gets a large bottle of alcohol from the cabinet)

Bendy: Yeah, making breakfast at three in the afternoon. So with it.

Joey Drew: Isn't this baby well-behaved? Hardly ever cries.

Audrey: Probably because your such a good father, Joey.

Bendy: Don't say that...

Joey: I was very nervous to have a baby in the house, but it turns out, all it needed was a father's love.

(Bendy takes a swig of the alcohol)

Joey: Oh, when you grow up, you can be anything you want to be.

Bendy (Thinking): Lousy baby... What did it ever do the was so great? Am I jealous of a doll? Maybe if that doll wasn't so small, looking at me with it's creepy doll eyes...

Bendy: He's tricking you Audrey. This is not who's he's really like.

Audrey: Who cares?! Whatever beef you have with your dad, that's just a sweet confused old man.

Bendy's Mind: She's right.

Bendy: You're wrong! He's in there somewhere! He knows exactly what he's doing!

Audrey: You are so paranoid!

Joey: Please stop fighting! All this fighting shouting is bad for the baby!

Bendy: Where was that keen parenting insight 30 years ago?!

Joey (Gasps) Susie! You're unfit to be a parent!

Bendy: I'm unfit?!

Bendy's Mind: It’s true, jackass

Bendy: You think it's so hard to be a parent to a doll? I can do that. (Grabs the doll from Joey's hands)

Joey: Hey!

Bendy: Hey, I'm cradling the baby! Hope I don't drop it! (Purposely drops the doll)

Bendy: Oh no! I dropped it! But it's not crying! Guess it's okay. I'm an amazing parent! What if I lock it in it's room all day and don't feed it or care for it? Oh, that's ok too! I must be father of the year!

Audrey: Bendy!

Bendy: Oh, I know! What if 19 years straight, I just tell it how worthless it is everyday, how it disgusts me, how my life would be better if it was never born? Would that be a good idea?! Probably right?!

Joey (Tries to grab the doll from Bendy): Give me the baby back, you worthless waste of my ink!

Bendy: Oh, so you do know who I am!

Joey: Govern yourself, Susie!

Bendy: Hey, you think the baby would be okay if I threw it over the side of my deck?! Probably, right?! (About to throw the doll)

Audrey: Bendy, don't!

Bendy's Mind: Do it...

Bendy: Nah, I'm just kidding around. Here you go, Dad.

(He's about to hand over the doll but Bendy pretends to lose his balance)

Bendy: Oh no! My hands are so slippery! Oh no! Oh, oh, oh!

(Bendy walks out of his deck door and he throws the doll of his deck)

Joey: NOOOOO!!!!!

Bendy: Nice arm.

(Joey sobs while a nurse comes to comfort him)

Audrey: Why did you do that...?

Bendy's Mind: You goddamed piece of shit idiot asshole...

[spidermanly12]

Stupid Piece of Shit (BATIM x Bojack Horseman)

(Bendy sees Audrey throwing matches in the pool)

Bendy's Mind: Go talk to her idiot.

Bendy: Drink first.

Bendy's Mind: No! You stupid alcoholic. Talk to your sister. You're ruining her. You know that, right? No matter what, your poison is already in her. There's nothing you can do.

Bendy: That's not true!

Bendy's Mind: Yeah it is, you stupid piece of shit! You're a real stupid piece of shit! And everywhere you go, you destroy people! Of course your father never loved you, what did you expect?! That's why Spinel died! That's why Alice will never forgive you! What are you gonna do to Audrey? What are you gonna do, asshole?!

Bendy: SHUT UP!

[spidermanly12]

Joey's Rant (BATIM X Moral Orel)

Joey: (After a large swig of alcohol) I gotta tell you, Bendy; your cup is always half empty. You need to be more like your old man and look at the blight side of things.

Bendy: Blight?

Joey: I didn't say bright, I said blight. "My life is sunny and blight". Bright means the opposite, it means sudden withering death, and...(Suddenly despondent)...Oh, who am I kidding? My life is full of bright.

Bendy: You mean blight?

Joey: Oh God...

Bendy: What's the matter?

Joey: ...I hate myself...

[Bendy's eyes tear up as Joey looks at the bottle he's holding.]

Joey: WHY DO YOU QUIT WORKING ON ME??! She always fools me, Bendy. "I'll make things better dear. Drink me. Put me inside you, I'm great!! And she chokes me just like every other whore out there! They're all worthless, kid. Every woman! Don't let 'em get ya! All of 'em wanna get ya! They just grab you and pull you into them! And then you're forced to stay in and pull out and stay in and pull out! And then they gut ya! And then they grip ya by right where it counts! And then they start squeezing things out! Things that are like weights around your head! YOU SIT THERE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WITH NOWHERE TO GO AND NO ONE TO BE!!! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAHHHH!!! AAAAHHHH!!!

[Bendy, terrified at this rant, accidentally discharges his gun.]

Bendy: Joey!

[spidermanly12]

Nature (BATIM X Moral Orel)

Bendy: Joey! Are you okay?!

Joey: : (laughing like a madman) Okay?! Am I okay?! You shoot ONE THING THIS WHOLE TRIP, count them, ONE THING and it's TWO OF MY LAST BOTTLES IF LIQUOR?!

Bendy: Sorry, Joey! It was an accident!

Joey: THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS!! (laughs madly some more) You've done nothing but whine like a lady in a flowery, sissy skirt and attractive high heels about my drinking since we got here!

Bendy: IT'S BECAUSE YOU BECOME A BAD PERSON WHEN YOU DRINK!!!

Joey: Oh... Oh! I do, do I? (He drops his broken liquor bottles angrily which causes them to shatter) Well, we'll see about that! (He tries to take off his belt to spank Bendy but can't. His pants fall down. He tries to pull them back up but can't. Bendy tries to help) Get away from me! I'll do it myself! (After failing to put his pants up again, he curls into a ball and weeps pathetically. Finally, he stops and manages to pull his pants up.) Okay... It's time you became a man! Where's my tommy gun?

Bendy: I-I-I don't think...

Joey: There it is! (grabs his tommy gun and starts aiming it around)

Bendy: (trembling) Joey! W-Watch out!

Joey: Please, Bendy. I know exactly what I'm doing.

Bendy: Yeah, but you might shoot it off by mistake!

Joey: There aren't any mistakes either. No mistakes, no accidents, no flop-ups, no boner.

Bendy: But...

Joey: DON'T "BUT" ME! (pulls the trigger, shooting Bendy in the leg. Then he stands up to see Bendy on the floor)

Bendy: (weakly) Joey...

Joey: Bendy! What have you done?!

Bendy: I got shot... by you.

Joey: You sure did! You gotta learn to be more careful, Bendy!

Bendy: It hurts, Joey...

Joey: Well, It supposed to! Pain is Nature's spankings.

Bendy: Joey... I'm inking a lot...

Joey: Um... We're gonna need some cloth for tourniquet. Hmm. Uhh...

Bendy: Uh, I think a tie would work...

Joey: Attaboy! (Rips a piece of Bendy's bowtie)

Bendy: My lucky bowtie?

Joey: Well, Maybe It'll start kicking in! (Chuckles) I guess my lucky gun trumped your lucky bowtie, Bendrino!

Bendy: Joey, I-I have some inkwell in my First-Aid bag.

Joey: Frist-Aid? I thought I told you not to bring that!

Bendy: Yeah, well...

(Joey angrily digs through the bag to find to the inkwell.) Joey: (Pulls out the inkwell) Hello! Okay, this might sting a little.

(He takes off the cap of the inkwell and was about to pour it on Bendy's leg but then he starts to drink from it while Bendy looks in shock and when he was finished he shook his head in satisfaction)

Joey: Whoops.

(Bendy then looks at him with a hateful glare) Bendy: I hate you...

Joey: Hate away, sister. Hate away. (He then passes out)

[spidermanly12]

Society's Fault (BATIM X Bojack Horseman)

Bendy: I really blew it, didn't I?

Allison: I mean, maybe you could have been a better role model when she was young, but also, she never really had a chance. This is what our celebrity culture does to people.

Bendy: So what you're saying is: Everything is society's fault, and we as individuals never need to take responsibility for anything?

Allison: Uh, no. Not exactly. I was just saying that..

Bendy: Yeah, I like that, I didn't do anything wrong because I can't do anything wrong because we're all just products of our environment, bouncing around like marbles in the game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that is our random and cruel universe!

Allison: Wait, no, that's not even what I'm saying..

Bendy: Yeah! It's not my fault, It's society! Everything is because of society!

Allison: Bendy, that—

Cuphead: Dude, just let him have this.

Bendy: Hooray! Everything is meaningless! Nothing I do has consequence!

[spidermanly12]

You Ruined Me (BATIM X BoJack Horseman)

(Bendy was watching his favorite show until Joey walks in)

Joey: Don't sit so close to the TV, it'll make you cruel.

(He smokes a pipe and Bendy walks over to the couch)

Joey: You know, I was famous before I got bankrupt.

Bendy: I know...

Joey: You ruined me, Bendy.

Bendy: (sadder) I know...

Joey: You better grow up to be something great to make up for all the damage you've done.

Bendy: I will...

Joey: Okay, enough me being a great dad. I'm gonna go hide Sammy's heart medication. Enjoy your dumb little TV show.

[spidermanly12]

Let's Get Real (BATIM X Mickey Mouse X Bojack Horseman)

Mickey: Oh-ho, you want to get into things?

Bendy: Well, I mean-

Mickey: No, no, no, let's get into things! Let's get real! Everybody, Bendy wants to get real! Cancel the Bubble Round! Because we're getting real!

(Donald Duck walks away with the Bubble blower)

Daisy Duck: Should we cut to commercial?

Pete: Would Homer cut away from Odysseus's journey just as he was being enticed by the sirens' song?

Daisy Duck: No?

Pete: Well, there you are.

Mickey: Things are getting real out here! Really real! Really, really, really real!

Bendy: Uh, I'm not sure where you're going-

Mickey: Oh, no? You knew where you were going with my wife that time you pulled over by the side of the road! You know, a week before we got married?

Bendy: Uh...

Mickey: You want to talk about that, Bendy? You want to talk about the time when you, my "good friend," kissed my wife?!

(The Audience gasp)

Cuphead: No!

Pete: Yes!

Octavia: Did something exciting just happen? Because people on the app are, and I quote, "losing their tits. Oh, no, no, I've stumbled on to a cancer support message board. Okay, how do I?

Bendy: How do you know about that?

Mickey: Well, there are roadside cameras all along the PCH, I have a few friends in the highway patrol, and she told me, of course! We're married!

Bendy: Wait, so you've known all this time?

Pete: Now this is television! Turn on the rain!

Cuphead: Um, don't you think you're pushing them too far?

Pete: I'll tell you when it's too far! This is my art, goddamn it! I'm Peg. goddamn Leg. goddamn Pete, and I want rain!

(Rain drops down on Mickey and Bendy)

Mickey: All I ever wanted was to be your friend... And you treat me like a big joke! You think I don't notice?! Why don't you like me?

Bendy: Mickey...

Mickey: No, tell me.

Bendy: Because I'm jealous.

Mickey: Of what?! Me?

Bendy: No. Of everything. Everything comes so easy for you.

Mickey: Oh, and it doesn't for you? You're a millionaire cartoon star with a girlfriend who loves you, acting in your dream cartoon show! What more do you want? What else could the universe possibly owe you?!

Bendy: I want to feel good about myself... The way you do... and I don't know how... I don't know if I can...

[spidermanly12]

Free Churro (BATIM Version 6)

Bendy: Maybe he saw Sammy. Sammy died about 20 years ago of injuries he sustained during a duel. When Sammy died, I asked myself a lot of questions. Questions like, “Wait, did you say he died in a duel?” and “Who dies in a duel?” The whole thing was so stupid. Sammy spent his entire life writing this book, but he couldn’t get any stores to carry it or any newspapers to review it. Finally, I guess this one newspaper thought he was pretty hilarious, because they ran a review and tore him to shreds. So Sammy, ever the proud Mary, decided he would not stand for this besmirchment of his honor. He claimed the critic didn’t understand what it meant to be a man, so he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn. He wrote the paper this letter, saying anyone who didn’t like his book, he would challenge to a duel, anyone in the world. He’d even pay for airfare to New York and a night in a hotel. Well, eventually this found its way to some kook in Queens, who was as batshit as he was and took him up on the offer. They met at Central Park and agreed: ten paces, then shoot. But in the middle of the ten paces, Sammy turned to ask the guy if he’d actually read the book and what he thought, but, not looking where he was going, tripped over an exposed root and bashed his head on a rock. I wish I’d known to go to the Soup Store then. Maybe I could have gotten a free bacon soup. It would’ve been nice to have something to show for knowing Sammy Lawrence. Joey being the ''Gentleman'' he is gave the eulogy. My entire life I never heard him say a kind word to or about Sammy, but at his funeral he said, “My musician is dead, and everything is worse now.” “My musician is dead, and everything is worse now.” I don’t know why he said that. Maybe he felt like that’s the kind of thing you’re supposed to say at a funeral. Maybe he hoped one day someone would say that about him. “My father is dead, and everything is worse now.” Or maybe he knew that he had frittered away all his money, and replaced it with crippling debt, which is a pretty shitty thing to leave your boss with. “Bad news, you lost a employee, but don’t worry, you also lost the studio!” Maybe Joey knew he’d have to sell all his precious belongings and move into a home. Maybe that’s what he meant by “everything is worse now.” Is that what you meant, Joey?

[spidermanly12]

Downer Ending (BATIM X Bojack Horseman)

Wally: What?! No! They don't write for toons! That's not wha... uhh. Why did I think this would be a good idea? D-Does anyone have an actual question for someone on this panel? An actual question or, a noose so I can hang myself.

Bendy: Yeah, I got a question.

Wally: Oh, thank God!

Bendy: My question is for Allison. Look I'm sorry about all the stuff I said about you earlier. We can publish the book you wrote. You're obviously a better writer than I am and, and I don't actually even really care what everyone thinks about me anymore. I just hated reading that book because I hated feeling like that's how you saw me. Because I guess you know me better than anybody, and if you think that... Um. I, I guess my question is do you... Do you think it's too late for me?

Allison: What?

Bendy: I mean, a-a-a-am I just doomed to be the person that I am? The person in that book? I-I-It's not too late for me, is it? I-I-It's not too late, Allison I need you to tell me it's not too late.

Allison: Bendy, I...

Bendy: I-I-I-I need you to tell me that I'm a good person. I know that I can be selfish and narcissistic and self-destructive, but underneath all that, deep down, I'm a good person and I need you to tell me that I'm good, Allison... Tell me, please, Allison, tell me that I'm good...

[Slience]

Guy in Crowd: Hey... Aren't you Bendy the Dancing Demon?

[spidermanly12]

Dad Monologue (BATIM x Bojack Horseman)

(Bendy is sitting alone on a bench after he audition for a talent show and is freezing in the cold then Sammy shows up in his car and Bendy waves to get his attention)

Sammy: Yes, yes, I see you. Get in. Get in.

(Bendy gets in the car and they drive off)

Sammy: Joey is having another one of his episodes. Last night, he went to see Scarface with a couple friends, and now he has ideas. I emerged from my sanctuary this afternoon to discover that not only had he not pay me money, which is what I need in order to pay rent, but he’d, furthermore, locked himself in his office to yell. Loudly.

Sammy: Now it’s one thing for Joey to yell, but when he does it at such a volume you can hear it through the door, that’s when you know that he's doing it just for the attention.

Sammy: Anyway, I was able to cobble together some money for myself, so I’m the real hero of the story.

(Sammy honks the car horn making Bendy flinch)

Sammy: It was a couple hours later when I realized I was on a good run with my book. I had this really interesting sentence that kept going for pages and pages, and I thought about how rare it is to really get in the groove like that; how most days, I can’t concentrate because this bastard child of a toon is blasting the television and it suddenly dawned on me—hot cock on a rock, he never even picked up the little noise and snot factory!

(Sammy hits the breaks on the car and honks the horn at another car)

Sammy: So, here I am, being Joey, which I know is giving you all sorts of mixed-up ideas about identity crisis, while your brain is still loose and stupid. Just remember, if you become a queer later in life, this isn’t my fault! Don’t you sing no songs in your nightclub act called, “Sammy was My Dad ,” while gazing longingly at a tangled string of pearls. Pearls are for ladies, Bendy. Pearls are for ladies.

Sammy: You know Sunday is my writing day. Sundays are the one day that are just for me and my craft, and still, you and the black hole that drew you conspire to ruin it for me. What am I supposed to do now? Just go back to writing? I’m out of the zone now, the whole day’s shot! All because of you and that shallow wisp of a man you made the mistake of making your creator.

Sammy: [sighs] No. It’s not his fault. He’s doing the best he can, after all. It’s just that… you can’t depend on friends. You can’t depend on anyone. Sooner or later, you need to learn that no one else is gonna take care of you. That’s what I learned when I had to earn my own money. You can’t rely on other people, Bendy. It’s good for you to know that. And he's a good father for teaching you that. You’ve got a head start on most cartoons. You’re actually very lucky.

(Bendy still turning his head from Sammy doesn't respond which Sammy looks at him with anger)

Sammy: THAAAANNNK YOUUUU!!!!!????

[spidermanly12]

Free Churro (BATIM Version 5)

Bendy: Joey did not go gentle into that good night. He went clawing and fighting and thrashing, hence the face. (Bendy does a Mimic of Joey's dead face) If you’d seen him, I swear to God the only thing you’d be thinking about right now is that I am nailing this impression. I was in the hospital with him those last moments, and they were truly horrifying, full of nonsencial screams and cries, but there was this moment, this one instant of strange calm, where he looked in my direction and said, “I see you.” That’s the last thing he said to me. “I see you.” Not a statement of judgment or disappointment, just acceptance and the simple recognition of another person in a room. “Hello there. You are a person. And I see you.” Let me tell you, it’s a weird thing to feel at an adolescent age, that for the first time in your life your father sees you. It’s an odd realization that that’s the thing you’ve been missing, the only thing you wanted all along, to be seen. And it doesn’t feel like a relief, to finally be seen. It feels mean, like, “Oh, it turns out that you knew what I wanted, and you waited until the very last moment to give it to me.” I was prepared for more cruelty. I was sure that he would get in one final zinger about how I let him down, and about how I was fat and stupid and too short to be an effective dancer. How I was needy and a burden and a failure —all that I was ready for. I was not ready for “I see you.” Only Joey would be lousy enough to swipe me with a moment of connection on his way out. But maybe I’m giving him too much credit. Maybe it wasn’t about connection. Maybe it was a… maybe it was an “I see you,” like, uh, “I see you.” Like, “You might have the rest of the world fooled, but I know exactly who you are.” That’s more Joey’s speed. Or maybe he just literally meant “I see you. You are an object that has entered my field of vision.” He was pretty out of it at the end, so maybe it’s dumb to try to attribute it to anything.

[spidermanly12]

Back in ’97 (BATIM X Bojack Horseman)

𝘉𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 '97, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘵-𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸

𝘐'𝘮 𝘉𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯 (𝘎𝘰𝘥𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘯!)

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯', 𝘣𝘳𝘰?

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘯

𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥

𝘙𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘦

𝘞𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘧 𝘐'𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳

𝘎𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦

𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵

𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘴𝘴

(𝘉𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘺!)

[spidermanly12]

Free Churro (BATIM Version 4)

Bendy: Here’s a story. When I was in the studio, I performed a comedy routine for a audience. There was this, uh, cool bowtie that I wanted to wear because I thought it would make me look like Charlie Chaplin. For months, I saved up for this bowtie. But when I finally had enough, I went to the store and it was gone. They had just sold it to someone else. So, I went home and I told Joey, and he said, “Let that be a lesson. That’s the good that comes from wanting things.” He was really good at dispensing life lessons that somehow always seemed to circle back to everything being my fault. But then, on the day of the show, Joey had a surprise for me. He had bought me the bowtie. Even though he didn’t know how to say it, I know this meant that he loved me. Now that’s a good story about Joey. It’s not true, but it’s a good story, right? I stole it from one of the Charlie Chaplin films I saw when I was a kid, where he played a homeless guy rasing a homeless kid. I remember when I saw it, thinking, “That’s the kind of story I want to tell about my dad when he dies.” But I don’t have any stories like that. All I know about being good, I learned from TV. And in TV, flawed characters are constantly showing people they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think that part of me still believes that’s what love is. But in real life, the big gesture isn’t enough. You need to be consistent, you need to be dependably good. You can’t just screw everything up and then take a car out into the desert to save your best friend, or solve a mystery, and fly to Kansas. You need to do it every day, which is so… hard. When you’re a kid, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture could be enough, that even though your dad isn't what you need him to be over and over and OVER again, at any moment, they might surprise you with something… wonderful. I kept waiting for that, the proof that even though Joey was a hard man, deep down, he loved me and cared about me and wanted me to know that I made his life a little bit brighter. Even now, I find myself waiting. Hey, Joey, knock once if you love me and care about me and want me to know I made your life a little bit brighter.

[spidermanly12]

You Were Born Broken (BATIM X Bojack Horseman)

(Bendy was listing to an audiobook on his phone but then he gets a call from Joey Drew and he sadly sighs while answering it)

Bendy: What do you want, Joey?

Joey: Look who finally decided to pick up the phone.

Bendy: Do you need more ink?

Joey: I don't need ink. I read your book, Bendy.

Bendy: Oh...

Joey: It takes a real narcissist to think anyone wants to buy a book about him. You know how I feel about Anne Frank.

Bendy: That was a diary.

Joey: I read the parts about me. The things I said and did to you. You must think I'm a real monster...

Bendy: Joey-

Joey: I don't wanna fight you, Bendy. I just wanted to tell you: I know. I know you wanna be happy, but you won't be, and... I'm sorry.

Bendy: What?

Joey: It's not just you, you know. Sammy and I, we- Well... you come by it honestly, the ugliness inside you. You were born souless, that's your birthright. And now, you can fill your life with projects, your books, and your cartoons and your little girlfriends, but that won't make you whole. You're Bendy Devil. There's no cure for that.

(Bendy is sad by what Joey said)

Joey: Anyway, do you remember who directed The Philadelphia Story? Five Letters, second letter U?

Bendy: Lubitsch?

Joey: (sighs) No, Bendy... Goodbye.

[spidermanly12]

Back in the 30s (BATIM X Bojack Horseman)

𝘉𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 30𝘴, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘉𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯 (𝘉𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘺), 𝘉𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯, 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵, 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵

𝘐 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥, 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐'𝘮 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘖𝘳 𝘐'𝘮 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯 (𝘉𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘺!)

[spidermanly12]

Father's Day (BATIM x Bojack Horseman)

Bendy: Happy Father's Day, Joey!

Joey: What is this supposed to be, a Lima bean?

Bendy: It's a heart.

Joey: That's some shoddy craftsmanship, Bendy.

Bendy: I tried my best.

Joey: No, you didn't! You slacked off and took the easy way out! In this world, you can either do things the easy way or the right way! You take a boat from here to Washington, you gonna go around the horn like a gentleman or cut through the Panama Canal like some kind of democrat?!

Bendy: Um, the canel?

(Joey slaps Bendy across the face, causing Bendy to tear up) Joey: YOU GO AROUND THE HORN THE WAY LIFE INTENDED!

[spidermanly12]

Boris Doesn't Forgive Bendy (BATIM × Bojack Horseman)

Bendy: (cheerfully) Hey, buddy!

Boris: You come back for that Vitamix, you (coughs)

Bendy: Ooh, you should get that looked at.

Boris: Yeah. I've been meaning to see a doctor.

Bendy: Hey, I wanted to talk to you about.. you know. I feel bad about what happened.

Boris: So you're apologizing.

Bendy: Yes. I'm sorry.

Boris: Okay. I don't forgive you.

Bendy: Boris, I said I'm sorry.

Boris: Yeah, and I do not forgive you.

Bendy: Uh... not sure you get what's happening here. This could be the last time that you-

Boris: No. I'm not gonna give you closure. You don't get that. (coughs) You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life! You have to know that it's never, ever going to be okay!

Bendy: I really think that we'd both feel better if we just--

Boris: I'm dying! I'm not gonna feel better, and I'm not gonna be your prop so you can feel better! (coughs)

Bendy: You have to believe me. I did everything I could.

Boris: Yeah? Then why didn't you call me? Huh? 60 years you didn't call me.

Bendy: Look, I—I wanted to, but I didn't think—

Boris: You know what it was like for me? I had nobody. Everybody left. I knew all those showbiz phonies would turn on me. Sure. But you?

Bendy: It's not my fault you got fired.

Boris: I don't care about the job! I did fine. I had a good life. But what I needed then was a friend, and you abandoned me. And I will never forgive you for that. Now, get the FUCK out of my house.

Bendy: I... (sighs) Hey, this is a dumb question, but the gay thing and the gut cancer thing aren't related, are they?

Boris: Get out of here!!

Bendy: Never mind! Stupid question! Forget I brought it up!

Bendy: (picks up Boris's clarinet) Huh.

Boris: Hey, Bendy! Put that back, asshole!

Bendy: No, you gave this to me!

(Boris runs up to Bendy in rage) Bendy: No!

(Boris tackles him to the ground and they start fighting for the clarinet) Allison: Bendy?! What are you doing?! Get off him!

Boris: The show was never the same after I left! Admit it!

Bendy: Some people prefer the later years!

(Allison pulls Bendy off of Boris) Allison: Bendy. Come on.

Bendy: (panting)

Allison: Thank you for inviting us. You have a lovely home.

Boris: You know what your problem is?! You want to think of yourself as the victim! Well, I know you better than anyone, and I can tell you—that you're not! In fact, you'd probably sleep a lot better at night if you just admitted to yourself that you're a selfish goddamn coward who takes whatever he wants and doesn't give a shit about who he hurts! That's you. That's Bendy Devil.

Bendy: I don't know why I came here!

Boris: Yeah... you do.