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[spikethesenses]

Funny thing

not like ‘ha ha’

-

Curious

Like a cat

-

Peering

around a corner

Adrenaline

Pumping

-

Who could understand?

————————

Funny thing

Like ‘ha ha’

-

Abashed

blood to cheeks

-

Waving to someone

by mistake

retracting your notion

sooner than you initiated it

-

Who’s laughing anyway?

-

Funny thing..

—Emjay

[spikethesenses]

BURNING

I’m so mad I’m still

My heart throbs against the flesh of my chest

Heat races through my face

Then my fingers and limbs

Until I’m on fire

Burning

Exuding the pain that envelopes me

Wishing so badly for someone to understand how it hurts

But they never do

No one does

They can’t see me

Behind the fire

Behind the flames

Burning

—emjay

[spikethesenses]

[spikethesenses]

I HATE THIS

My heart is in shambles

But not cause you broke it

I scrape from the floor

And crave just to toke it

The feelings you give me

Addictingly so

Have me going crazy

inhaling like blow

The down and the darkened

I feel in your absence

I still try and cure

With a swift shot of absinthe

Do you know how I feel?

Can you sense my disdain?

Is ether the savior

Reducing such pain

I cry and I scramble

To find my new fix

Convinced that my love

Is from some bag of tricks

But wounds on the inside

They get fewer licks

Cause what we can’t see

Weighs a whole ton of bricks

—emjay

[spikethesenses]

“When you don’t know what to do, my advice is to do nothing until clarity comes.”

— Oprah Winfrey

[spikethesenses]

7/11/21

The ways I used to hide

The words I wouldn’t say

I want them to be history

I’m still in my own way

Keep hearing myself banter

the error I must find

What once was unfamiliar’s

now a pillar in my mind

End age of Sisyphean

It’s all because of you

No blunt compel

It’s served me well

This peace I’ve found in you

-

Yet there’s a weight pressed on mind

Articulation

Hard to find

As I see this wall coming down

I hesitate and look around

It’s all in you

Perfection found

And then my feet they feel the ground

I can’t forget

the looping thought

the one that roams

then roots to rot

For only ever in the past

Were things around that’d never last

-

My thoughts they idle loudly

in the wings aside my wake

To give my trust in full I must

I know it’s all at stake

Which way will I so pivot

In delineating time

I see my feet and balance quake

they stratal heart and mind

I’ve never felt so anxious

to be in love this way

Because I know that once I am

It doesn’t mean you’ll stay

Alike, I’ve never been more sure

of you and all you’ve shown

That’s why the thought of heartbreak

makes me fear a bleak unknown

You have my heart

it’s in your hands

I know that you can feel it

I can’t let go

I hold it too

afraid that life will steal it

So how do I disable

such a self destructing bomb

From a history unable

to encounter love that’s calm

You’re everything I’ve wanted

Never thought it’d come to be

Though I think I need your guidance

Through this vulnerability

—emjay

[spikethesenses]

EGGS

I’m scrambled and frantic

Yet frozen in time

It seems that again

I am losing my mind

Do you see how this ails me?

Undoubtedly so

But just on what level?

There’s more you should know

I fear when the time comes

When sharing is crucial

You’ll ask for it “quickly”

And you’ll get an ear full

The tip of the iceberg

Seems all you desire

Would you melt it all down

In your dodging the fire?

I dive so much deeper

My partner my keeper

Without constant airflow

I fear for the reaper

Confused how you see me

Your words were so terse

I can’t help but think that

Our way is now cursed

Where confidence lay

Indecision so creeps

Will you exit your mind now

For me and take leaps?

The moment alone

Though your care was most needed

It wasn’t awareness

I saw that was heeded

To say I’m a number

statistic of sorts

I can’t say it’s easy

I can say it hurts

If I’m one in a million

I’m just your civilian

Self conscious, alone

With your cast of opinion

I so want to dwell and

explore your dominion

But please try and see

Your demeanor’s your minion

—emjay

[spikethesenses]

INSERT FOOT IN MOUTH

Insecurity lives in me

Disguised

and so

Sarcastically

I don’t come off

Just how I want

It’s from these thoughts

And fears that taunt

I do so try

And often catch

The words I hate

to make abreast

And even so

Here lie my test

To lay these idle doubts

To rest

I am a work in progress

Of this fact I am sure

I sometimes wish

In partial bliss

My tongue would be demure

I won’t always be perfect

And sometimes I’ll unwind

But in these checks

No one expects

Another read my mind

I cannot change the past

Nor try predict the future

I’ll own my now

And here is how

A metaphoric suture

—emjay

[spikethesenses]

THE MORNING AFTER

Apprehension rears its head

Uncertainty consumes again

Should I re-open up my heart?

Each time I try, I fail to start

Prevention stems from in my mind

For faults and flags I ache to find

With one step forward

two steps back

Positioning I feel I lack

The questions, thoughts and feelings

I have for you span ceilings

For all I know, in self I show

Recuse you from these dealings

There’s little things

They’re here and there

Peripheral

A toxic glare

And I can’t help

But stop and stare

To see the signs that call me there

I don’t know what I don’t know

I can’t see what I don’t show

Across this lake I have to row

And in it I must dip a toe

If love is for the taking

Yet capable of faking

It seems to me

What I will be

Is constantly so raking

So when is it you know?

Or will you really ever?

Ignorance bliss

Yes I know this

Until, unveiled, the sever

—emjay

[spikethesenses]

THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG

Walking a path

not knowing where it leads

Doing and renewing

My intimate creeds

I shrink to say healthy

I crave to say sound

But that’s how it feels

Since you came around

All of the voices

No not schizophrenic

The ones that buzz caution

Their root is endemic

A fear of the present

That stems from the past

I wonder what light

upon me will be cast

I’m fearing the sharing

Enjoying your caring

The shame I am wearing

Subconsciously blaring

I so want this normal

I want it with you

But through all my muck

Will you still see it through?

The tip of the iceberg

Is all you have seen

I can hope when you’re diving

Your feelings won’t ween

—emjay

[spikethesenses]

“At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you will still be worth it to the right person.”

— Karen Salmansohn

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“Life gets much easier once you accept that you’ll be hated by some people.”

— Jose Rosado

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“When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.”

— Unknown

[spikethesenses]

Poems Words

[spikethesenses]

“People never learn anything by being told. They have to find out for themselves.”

— Paulo Coelho

[spikethesenses]

[spikethesenses]

“I have thought of a nice ending for it: and he lived happily ever after to the end of his days.”

— Bilbo, A Long-expected Party (via tolkienillustrations)