spiralsofthemind

[spiralsofthemind]

all this love

and to whom will i give?

[spiralsofthemind]

i love you so much. i wish i could tell the stars about it, because they're the only ones who could take the gravity of my love for you and not grow weak

[spiralsofthemind]

the problem with me is, i worship anything that is pretty

[spiralsofthemind]

きのう何食べた? | WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY? (2021) dir. Kazuhito Nakae Kakei Shiro is a 45-year-old lawyer who works at a small law firm. He is good at cooking and a meticulous and thrifty person who keeps the monthly food budget to 25,000 yen. Shiro’s daily routine is to leave work on time and head to a discount supermarket nearby. His partner Yabuki Kenji is an affable hairdresser also in his 40s. They share a two-bedroom apartment and the finer points of two men living together come up at the dining table every day. Although two of them have been in a relationship for three years and Shiro’s parents know of his sexuality, he never shares the fact that he is gay or Kenji is his partner to anyone. Based on the manga and series of the same name. (link in title)

[spiralsofthemind]

in the mood for love (2000), dir. wong kar wai

[spiralsofthemind]

things are easy with me. i leave the moment i feel isolated

[spiralsofthemind]

I was awestruck by the poignant soundtrack of this movie, which only added to the overall tone and melancholy it wanted to show. So I searched for it, and luckily it's on Spotify. The whole album is, and it's here. Taking matters into my own hands and translating the title tracks while listening to it, I noticed that Track 3 (你是我最好的朋友 : You Are My Bestfriend) and Track 20 (原來是脆弱的 : It Turns Out To Be Fragile) have the same notes, same melody. Seems like Track 20 is the reprisal of Track 3. Track 3 plays during their high school days, and is somewhat the softer version of the two. A youthful take, if you will. It almost paints the picture of their coastal town and the after-school bike rides, and the warmth of the countryside. Past the middle mark of the song, it will give off a hopeful feel. Perhaps the promise of growing up together, freer now. Whereas Track 20 is more... melancholic. Shorter and while it still paints the scenery of the coastal town, something feels missing. Something also feels out of place in the song. Perhaps a new note that wasn't on Track 3, or the strings (?) playing past the half mark. It doesn't end quite at hopeful as the first one. But the two tracks blend so seamlessly into one another that you wouldn't know when the first one ended and when the second one began, if you were to play them one after another. It is also worth mentioning that Track 20 on the album plays right after Track 19 (這樣做 我還會失去你嗎？: Will I Lose You If I Do This?), which is the background sound when Jonathan and Shane were laying on the bed after Shane had his drunken accident and Jonathan picked him up from the police station. It is the music that plays when they had that moment of impassioned intimacy. So I assume that instance contributes to the subsequent track's melancholy. It is beyond beautiful to listen to the soundtrack album and retrace the movie as it happened according to the tracks. It almost feels like the characters are speaking to you, or at least you're getting a deeper glimpse into their minds during certain scenarios in the movie. The movie is already beautiful in itself, but the music made it so much better.

Eternal Summer (Dir. Leste Chen, 2006)

[spiralsofthemind]

i contain so much love, it spills through the cracks, which makes me look broken

[spiralsofthemind]

Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl // Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Gentle Spirit // Lyric Hunter, "A Garden" // Margaret Atwood, Power Politics: Poems // @artsy_tay_ on Instagram // William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew // Sappho, "If not, Winter" (trans. Anne Carson)

[spiralsofthemind]

is it my fault that i see love in everything?!?!?!?!?!?

[spiralsofthemind]

the sun is my husband, i haven't felt him for so long

[spiralsofthemind]

saw a tiktok saying you either love like dostoyevsky or kafka. either you rip your heart out and "give it to someone as is; in all its glorious mess" or you rip your heart out and "clean it before giving it to someone while still apologizing if it's still not clean enough".

but which am i if i rip my heart out to give to someone, and in the face of rejection i force it down their throat in its entirety, until they're choking and blood is filling up their mouths, but it's mine so they shouldn't worry. what if i put my heart into their mouths instead of in their hands, and i clutch their jaws so they chew on it. force feeding them like i'm a cannibal desperate to convert another. yes, my love is violent and coercive but honey, isn't it sweet?

[spiralsofthemind]

rid me of this body

this isn't mine