spnfandomsupport

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Hi!! So my issue thing is that I'm terrified I'm going to explode with SPN feels. The Supernatural fandom is not easy feelswise (is that a word? well no) and I keep seeing these über kawaii Destiel fanart... But my real problem is that my friend wants me to read Twist and Shout! I feel like if I get anymore Destiel I'm going to just die with bliss. HELP ME I AM SO CONFLICTED

Oh, you won't die of bliss if you read Twist and Shout. You will likely cry. I'd say wait until the weekend and get a box of tissues first.

[spnfandomsupport]

Hello! So I've recently began eating and sleeping less. I don't know why, I'm not depressed, I'm (mostly) fine with the way I look. It's just that I don't feel like I need it, even though I know logically I do. I don't get hungry as often (I accidentally went about 20 hours without food last weekend), and the same goes for sleep. For the most part, I can get by pretty easily on 4-5 hours of sleep. (I learned my lesson about testing that limit, though. I ended up with about 3 hours last night,pt1

Pt2, and the result was not pretty. Headache, generally pissed off, and actually throwing up what little was in my stomach from my 20 hour fast. Although that might have been from the lack of food.) As for sleep, like I said before, it's almost like a hunter. Remember when Sam said he got 8 hours and dean commented that that was like 20 for a hunter? I'm the same way. It's starting to affect me, though. I noticed really bad bags beneath my eyes just a few minutes ago. Help?

Well, you could be experiencing a mildly manic state ... Are you more active than usual? Are you talking more? Aside from that bout of irritation, how is your mood? Are you feeling more sexual than usual?

Mania is a state usually associated with bipolar disorder, but it can also be caused by other things. I really think you should go to the doctor as soon as possible. You'll need to tell them about any medications or drugs you've taken recently and tell them if you've had any family members with mental illness.

I think the immediate concern is that your current mood will become more intense; this could lead to you hurting yourself or making unwise decisions on an impulse, like blowing your money or gambling or extreme risk-taking. If you are taking any medication, such as antidepressants, it's possible that they are causing your troubles. However, don't stop taking anything without getting advice from a doctor first.

You seem to be okay right now! Eventually, you're going to crash, though. That might not be fun.

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Hi. So I recently downloaded an app called Dream:ON from the recommendation of a trusted friend. What it does is play a "sound scape" to try and influence your dreams. It also wakes you up at a good time in your sleep cycle. Anyway, since I've been using it, I wake up at about 3 am, and can't get back to sleep for at least half an hour, usually more. The only option I see is to go back to my regular alarm, which jolts me awake, leaving me tired all day. Any ideas?

I’d recommend you try Sleep Cycle: http://lifehacker.com/5441045/sleep-cycle-analyzes-your-sleep-patterns-for-a-better-wake+up

Like the app you’re using now, it supposedly tracks your sleep cycle and wakes you up at a good time. (I don’t think it works well enough to be very accurate. If I wake up and lie still in bed, it thinks I’m asleep. But it’s probably as good as Dream:ON.) The alarm plays a noise that gradually gets louder so it doesn’t jolt you awake.

It also can play white noise, which helps people sleep. However, you can set it to fade out the white noise after you fall asleep (or after thirty minutes or whatever.)

I think it’s the noise that is keeping you awake. It’s actually totally normal to wake up several times during the night. (When I started tracking my sleep with Sleep Cycle, I saw that I woke up briefly about four times a night.)

See, most adults go through distinct cycles when they sleep, and they repeat the cycles throughout the night. You start buy going through stages of sleep that don’t feature rapid eye movements, called non-rapid eye movement sleep (NREM).

Stage 1 of NREM is a sleep so light that the person may not be aware that they are sleeping. The eyes may open and close slowly and the person is somewhat aware of what’s happening. On an EEG, the person’s brain activity shows alpha waves that gradually become theta waves. Stage 1 sleep is really just drowsiness.

In stage 2 NREM sleep, the person becomes harder to awaken; their eye movement stops, their brain activity lessens, and their muscles relax further. People don’t seem to dream in this stage.

In stage 3, which used to be divided into stage 3 and 4, the person falls into very deep sleep. They are very hard to awaken and they show delta waves on an EEG. A person in this stage is very hard to awaken and doesn’t seen to dream.

In REM sleep, the eyes move rapidly and the brain shows activity that is comparable to being awake. The muscles are relaxed, the heart beats quickly and arousal is higher than most awake adults. The sex organs become erect and lubricated. The sleeper experiences vivid dreams. This is when the body experiences sleep paralysis; if it doesn’t the person may act out their dreams (sleep walking) and hurt themselves, so it’s a defense mechanism of the body. However, sometimes people gain awareness while still experiencing paralysis, which can be a frightening experience (it’s normal, though.) 

A lot of people wake up briefly after a period of REM sleep (or go to stage 1 sleep).  This is normal, and generally they fall back to sleep immediately and don’t recall waking up the next morning. After I started recording my sleep cycles, I started remembering these waking periods; I usually woke up, looked at the time on the clock, rolled over and went back to sleep.

Usually, adults go through the sleep cycle in a predictable fashion with each stage lasting about 5 - 15 minutes. After falling asleep, the sleeper goes stage 1, stage 2, then goes through the longest cycle in stage 3 before cycling back up to stage 2 then to REM. The first cycle takes the longest to get to REM sleep, about 90 minutes, and spends the most time in stage 3 sleep.

After the first two, the cycles become shorter and the sleeper begins spending more time in REM sleep and little to no time in stage 3 sleep.

So, if you do the math, you are probably waking up at the end of your second REM cycle, depending on when you go to sleep. This is normal. What’s not normal is that you’re staying awake. I don’t know why, but I bet you can figure it out. My guess is that it’s one of the following:

Light. Either your bedroom has light in it, or you’re turning on light when you wake up. Light will tell your brain to stay awake.

Your bed is uncomfortable or your body is in pain.

Temperature: you are too warm or too cold.

Noise: You're hearing something that keeps you awake.

Once you've figured it out, you should be able to eliminate that factor, and then you can sleep the night through.

More about sleep (and sleep hygiene tips):

http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/science/what/sleep-patterns-rem-nrem

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep

http://www.helpguide.org/life/sleeping.htm

http://lifehacker.com/5971884/the-science-behind-sleep-and-how-getting-better-sleep-means-youll-need-less-every-night

http://lifehacker.com/5876083/top-10-tricks-for-better-sleep

[spnfandomsupport]

I can't believe all the crap that the actresses on "Supernatural" have to put up with.

[spnfandomsupport]

(angsty hiv anon here) Thanks for your answer. there was anothe message, maybe tumblr screwed up. I asked the guy yesterday. he said he has been tested last year because of work. I want to get tested in 8 weeks anyway, just to be sure an to stop myself from freaking out. I also had nightmares about hepatitis b and being pregnant, especially the last one is pretty irrational, but I doubt he's got hep b, because of his work. Anything else I should think of? Thank you so much.I'm a bit pathetic XD

could an also contract HPV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and probably other STDs from oral sex, but listen to me: don't go looking it up on the Internet. Wait and see. Pay attention to what your body's telling you. If you notice something weird or wrong, go to the doctor. Otherwise, you shouldn't worry about it.

If you start to worry about STDs and then look up the symptoms for them, you will psych yourself into believing you have them. So don't.

Anyway, if you do have an STD, it's not really a big deal. The majority of adults (60-95 percent) have herpes simplex, and most don't know that they have it because they have no symptoms. Chlamydia and gonorrhea can be cured wtics antibiotics. It's not the end of the world if you have an STD. It doesn't mean anything negative about you as a person. 

Pregnancy and disease are risks of sex. It's just a fact of life. So you have to make decisions about what risks you're willing to take. Should you be on the pill? Can you get Plan B if the condom breaks? Have you been vaccinated for HPV? All things to think about. 

And you mentioned feeling "dirty" afterwards, so let me say this: there's nothing wrong with letting a guy come in your mouth, as long as that's what you want to do. It's okay! Personally, I really like it! So did you want to do it at the time and then felt ashamed afterwards? Or did you feel bad about it while it was happening? Something else to think about. 

[spnfandomsupport]

Okay, so. This isn't a ~real problem and I don't want to distract you from other, more pressing matters...but...you see..I had my first time last night (sex, that is). It was protected and everything, he was very gentle and i didn't feel pain and it was actually quite nice. Not brilliant but I wasn't expecting that. He never came in my vagina - BUT he took the condom off and a bit later he came in my mouth. Now I'm freaking out and feel a bit filthy and I'm SO worried about HIV...[...]

I don't know if there's a part two of this question or not, but I can address your concerns. If you are really worried about HIV, you should get tested. But for most HIV tests, you'll have to wait a few weeks before you test. It's really unlikely you have been infected by HIV, though. Unprotected oral is not a really high risk behavior, and he might not be HIV-positive. Here's what you can do: talk to a doctor and find out when you should get tested. Ask the guy when/if he's been tested and what the results are. If he hasn't been tested before or if it was a long time ago, ask him to get tested again so you can know if you were exposed to anything. I think you need to talk about condom use and boundaries as well. If you don't want him to come in your mouth, you need to tell him that. If you don't want to do unprotected oral, he needs to know that. I'll write more in the morning but I have to go back to work.

[spnfandomsupport]

How do you help a friend who is being verbally abused by their family? Like she comes to me and tells me what they say. She's really upset and she acknowledges that them saying those things are cruel but I always freeze up because I don't really know how to help her or make her feel better. Any advice?

You should tell her that it's not okay or normal for them to say those things to her, and that they're not true. You don't have to say anything really profound, just tell her the truth and give her help when she asks for it.

It's important that you remember to respect that she has to make her own decisions about her life. Try to support her and empower her, but avoid lecturing her or telling her what she should do. 

[spnfandomsupport]

I just wanted to say that I think what you guys do here is amazing. You're just kind people helping others out in hard times. Thank you <3

Oh, you're so sweet. Thank you!

[spnfandomsupport]

Re: your last post: "In other words, if you kill yourself, you are making it more likely that your friends will try to kill themselves too." What is wrong with you? That's unhelpful, it's guilting, and it has the potential to make things worse. She needs help, yes, she absolutely needs to find professional help, but telling her that if she fails she'll be killing her friends as well??? That is not okay.

Suicide is a loaded issue and it's difficult to talk about it. I absolutely don't want to add the feeling of guilt when I know that those who suffer from depression often have crushing and irrational sense of guilt. However, what I said about suicide being "contagious" is true.

It's difficult for me to write about these things, especially because these issues are very close and personal to me. -Rebecca

[spnfandomsupport]

Anonymous submitted:

I've been wanting to kill myself more and more lately. I've dealt with some bad depression for a couple years now. 

It was worst my senior year of high school, and it just came back now. Nothing is going right, I have no money, I got kicked out of school and my family is making me feel like shit about everything, no matter what I do. I feel like even my best friend is starting to realize what a shitty person I am to be around, and when she gets stressed I'm too wrapped up in my own problems to do anything for her even though I really try. 

I'm falling into this depression and it got so bad that one night after a fight with my dad I went into the bathroom and drank almost an entire bottle of Nyquil. It's something that usually works really powerfully on me, and after a little while I started collapsing and my legs went numb as I started falling asleep. I was sure that I wasn't going to wake up, and while a part of me felt scared, an even bigger part of me felt relieved. 

I've been with suicide for a long time, and when I think about it, I probably always had depression, even as a little kid, wishing I wasn't around, wanting to run away starting when I was only six. I'm tired, and so stressed. I don't want to take medication. I want to kill myself. I know people would be hurt but I feel like I'm only hurting them more by staying here. I want to tell my best friend but I'm too worried I'll only burden her and make her sad because she means the world to me and she has her own problems and I don't want to stress her out more, and this was how I lost all my closest friends when I had a really bad bout of depression my senior year of high school. 

They all got so sick of my whining and how I was just always crying that they just stopped being friends with me and stopped hanging around me, and I'm scared I'm going to lose her if I do that, so I keep a lot of it in. But I'm just tired of how it feels like a constant war with myself, and I want it to be over. I want to do this, more than anything. Lately I've been trying to figure out how I can kill myself and make it look like an accident, like walking into traffic or go into a bad neighborhood at night or something.

If you came to me and said that your leg hurt and you couldn't walk on it and a bit of the bone was sticking out of the skin, I'd say that I'm not a doctor but is sure sounds like it's broken and that you should go to the doctor. For some things you need professional help. I don't think that your suicidal thoughts say anything bad about you; you're not crazy or broken or selfish. You are in pain, and this is a serious problem.

I used to have suicidal thoughts very much like yours. When I was in college, I was alone and cracking under the pressure, and I'd fantasize about jumping in front of a car on this busy road I crossed every day. I didn't find these thoughts distressing; I found them comforting. Now when I look back on them, I think that I was in a severe kind of mental pain and my brain was just looking for a way out, whatever that meant. In other words, I don't think that in my case the suicidal ideation was my brain malfunctioning, but a symptom of a larger problem. In my case it was an anxiety disorder and after trying different combinations of therapy and medication I settled on medication alone. It works for me.

I'm not saying you should take medicaiton, but I think that you need professional help, the kind that comes from people with degrees in this stuff. 

If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for the people you love. You say you're worried that you're not able to help your friends deal with their problems, but if you recover you can. You can be there for them, and your experiences will even make you stronger.

And I know for certain that your loved ones will be much more hurt if you kill yourself than if you stick around. In fact, having someone you know commit suicide increases your risk of attempting suicide. In other words, if you kill yourself, you are making it more likely that your friends will try to kill themselves too. 

Also, I dropped out of college in my senior year because I couldn't cope with school-work anymore. It was a really stressful time for me and my parents were really harsh with me. But it's all worked out, more or less. There is hope for you. You don't need a degree to have a life, believe me! -Rebecca

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Anon, I got your note about the suicidal thoughts and depression and I'm working on a reply. I work during the weekends - my days off are Tuesday/Wednesday - so I don't have a lot of time right now and I don't want to half-ass it. But I did get it and I'm thinking about you! - Rebecca

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There's this guy I've "liked" for a while. Not so much as being emotionally attracted to him as sexually. He's home from college in a few weeks and wants to take things to the next level. I told him I wasn't sure if I was ready. The same thing happened a few months ago, but I told him no, we broke things off and he left. He came home this weekend and called me up again. He wants an answer in 3 weeks and I don't know what to say. I want to have sex with him, I'm just afraid of getting pregnant...

Well, pregnancy can be prevented by use of birth control. If you're not on the pill, you can use condoms. And you should be using condoms even if you are on the pill to keep from getting STDs, like HIV/AIDS! So condoms. Never have sex without a condom, no matter what BS the guy says.

But anyway, if you want to have sex but you don't want to get pregnant, consider getting on the pill or getting some other type of hormonal birth control. You still should use condoms, but it's nice to know that you have a backup in case one breaks or isn't used correctly. If you're not on the pill and a condom breaks, take an emergency contraception pill as soon as you can.

But if you're not sure, maybe you shouldn't. I don't think having sex for the first time is really that big a deal, but you do remember it for the rest of your life. If you have doubts or you feel nervous, there's nothing wrong with saying, "Not now." I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding someone else if he doesn't offer again. I didn't have sex until I was 24 and I don't regret that at all. -Rebecca

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About a month ago my bestfriend's brother raped me. I haven't exactly been avoiding my friend because of it. She'll notice something's wrong if I just stop speaking to her. I can't find it in me to tell her, or anyone. I spent the night with her Friday. After everyone had fallen asleep he did it again and hurt me worse this time... I know this will keep happening and he's pretty good at throwing around threats to make me keep my mouth shut. I don't know what to do.

He threatens you because he's afraid of you telling, which is what you need to do. 

Your safety is the most important thing. So, firstly, stay in a safe place which means staying away from your friend's house. Don't worry about what she thinks right now, because you can deal with that later. Secondly, you need medical attention, even if you're not visibly injured, because you need blood tests for infections and pregnancy if you're female.

Call RAINN's hotline 1.800.656.HOPE. If you don't live in the US, you can try using the online hotline. They can give you a lot of information on how to deal with sexual assault.

You can go on Google and search for a rape crisis center in your area and you can call them. They have counselors who are trained to help guide you through whatever you need to do.

Try to break it down into steps that you can take. If you think you can't face your parents, which I totally understand, you can still take yourself to a medical clinic and the police. They can help you tell your parents or you can keep it a secret. If you don't want to report the assault to the police, you can still go to a medical clinic and get treated there. It's really important that you get the right kind of help, professional help, as soon as possible.

I wish you were with me now so I could drive you to the hospital myself. Please keep us posted. I really want to know that you are safe and well. - Rebecca

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Hi. I'm going to high school in a few days and I just found out that my only friend is moving to the other side of the country. So I'm left all alone. I'm not very outgoing and I don't make friends easily. I'm afraid I won't find new friends or anyone.

Honestly, when I was going to high school I had the exact same fears. I was afraid that I'd be alone the whole four years because I'm not exactly outgoing and I hate going up to talk to new people. But I found friends, and you will too! Honestly, there is probably a HUGE chunk of people in your class that have the same fears. Most high schools have "ice breaker" events for the freshmen, and you can join clubs to meet people that share your interests. And chances are, someone is going to come up to you in the halls or homeroom or somewhere and talk to you. It's scary going to a new school, but it's nothing to worry about. You WILL find friends, and they will be great friends. Good luck!

-Mollie

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There are no hotlines on my country. I'm starting to have some dark stuff inside my head. I'm scared.

Do you have any trusted friends or family that you could speak to? Perhaps even a teacher or a coworker? If there is anyone around you that you can speak to, I strongly suggest you do. Even if you can hire a therapist, it might help. One thing that I have noticed in my time is that if you are feeling this way, it really does help to let someone know. It's hard as hell, and scary as hell, but it needs to be done, and as fast as you possibly can. 

Also, try surrounding yourself with things that make you feel good, things that make you smile. If you feel the thoughts coming back, push them away or even write in a journal about nonsense. 

Good luck, stay strong, and if you ever need to talk I'm here! 

- Mollie

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I'm having an extremely hard time with rumors. Girls I used to be friends with are spreading them in my home town and I'm trying to move on like the adult I am but I'm deeply affected by them. I can only take so much and I need some advice on how to cope with it. Please help :(

Believe me, I know how you feel. I went to an all girls high school and it was like a new rumor was spread every day, and sometimes the root of it was someone I was friends with, very close friends to boot. It's difficult to cope with them, but the main thing you have to do is hold your head high and pretend like they don't exist. Distract yourself with other things. If the girls spreading the rumors see that you don't care, they will eventually get bored and stop making them up. As for people hearing these rumors, half of them probably don't really care, anyway. If you're still worried, just make sure that the people that matter to you know the truth. Casually mention the rumors in a conversation or something.

Again, the rumors will start to bore people once they realize that it has no obvious effect on you. And if the ones starting the rumors used to be your friends, it's probably a good thing that they USED to be your friends. They sound very immature and just don't sound like very good people, period. 

Good luck!!

- Mollie

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I'm pondering if it's better to die one week before my birthday or just wait for it.

I think you are talking about hurting yourself. Please don't!

Please know that there is help available for you. You can call a suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255 in the US is one number). You can call the local emergency number or go to a hospital. They can help you. If you need to talk, you can talk to me. - Rebecca